#I'm sorry mobile people I'm gonna take over your feed. |D

[amonsaiqaxiv]

                                                                                GROWTH & GRATITUDE

When Heavensward launched I was in a pretty awkward point in-game. I wasn’t entirely too invested in XIV or in MMO’s in general. The group I played with was a mix of old-school MMO WoW veterans and die-hard FF fans. I wasn’t exactly mechanic savvy nor too enthralled in the lore behind this game. I was put in a weird spot, to say the least. I couldn’t help but feel out of place with both the friends I had and the giant community sprawled out before me. It took...countless fucking hours of throwing my head against content, seeking guidance from other players, and fighting against my own ignorance to get comfortable playing this game.  Around that time, I had also stumbled across the XIV community here on Tumblr through a friend. Our community is a vast fucking place and I felt extremely overwhelmed at first. Like, I can barely interact with people in-game as it is, man. I had no clue how things worked on this end. However, one thing I was quickly able to latch onto were screenshot edits. I’d had....many...many years of experience with this concept back when I was roleplaying (on Myspace of all things). It was after this little rediscovery that I found my niche here and the rest of it is pretty self-explanatory. Fast forward two(ish) years later and things have changed. I love this damn game guys, I really do. Being able to experience new content, striving to improve both job and player skill is such a damn thrill for me. I’m confident in what I can offer as a player and I’m constantly excited for new opportunities to grow.

As for this blog, oh man...I never in a million years expected this to be where it’s at today. I really just used this blog to selfishly post screenshots and fuck man....the response has just been so overwhelmingly wonderful. 

Look, I’ve never been particularly good at expressing my feelings, ESPECIALLY not through writing. Things come a bit more naturally through speech but most of the time? I keep to myself outside of my small circles and even then I tend to internalize my anxieties onto myself. It’s tough conveying my thoughts into words since my mind tends to race around. However, despite these difficulties, one thing that’s always come naturally to me is the ability to express gratitude. I am so damn thankful to those of you who have had a hand in helping me grow both as a player and as a member of this community. So before we trudge off into expansion, I wanted to draft something up to commemorate the time I’ve spent with each of you:

Thank you to everyone I’ve met within or because of @theriskbreakers : @sylvan-rain @onwesterlywinds @crimson-bull @thefateofivalice @a-kelping-hand @moonlifter @safestsephiroth @thecat-inthehat @afflatus-solace @reflectionsofacreator @quartercirclejab @the-goggles-lizard @wandererspaean @ivaan-ffxiv @tovakiin @zulak-rah @jenesislabariel @twelvesavethequeen @wyranimh @cogflox @varae-ver-you-are (I’m sure I’m missing tons more, sorry.)

Seriously, guys, it’s been a while since I first stumbled through the Sandsea’s doors but it’s been a blast. Thank you for always making things feel at home despite the fact that RP isn’t really my thing. Whether we’re blitzing through content or goofing off in chat it’s been wonderful and I can’t wait to see what Stormblood has to offer for us.

Thank you to my raid static for 3.X: @khojin-arulaq @sessionzeroart @evrett

Though frustrating at times, raiding with you all was overall an experience I wouldn’t trade for the world. It’s such a unique feeling when shit got challenging and we still managed to pull through. I’m grateful to you guys for what we did and value the friendships we made throughout. 

Thank you to @zenathered @kukurubean @foewreckem @korpokkur-kid @yaianse (and the whole turtle crew really) as well as @fatewalker @nyxastra @coeurlfist for being great enough to show off how awesome people on other servers can be. It’s been fun befriending each of you either through tumblr or whenever you nerds decide to log onto your respective alts. 

Thank you to @ladyrivienne @ferai-caolann @lavenderrpurr @manawalls @alannah-corvaine @abalathian @qarajin-borlaaq for being some of the downright best art motivation I’ve got. I’m pushing myself to improve constantly whenever any of you create something. It’s inspirational and that drive to improve you’ve given me is a debt I could never repay. 

Thank you to @sins-of-allag @ayyymeric @aether-eyes @dayst-ffxiv @lauranis @lunae-lux  @xaruun @invisiblebounds-ffxiv @fair-fae @lance-of-fury @tetenuko @tiergan-vashir @freshorenjuice @aethericseafarer @nightmaze @necrologos @sequoiaofeorzea @gaeliseeker @nalukaixiv @pygmaioi for a myriad of reasons between all of you. Thank you for being super supportive of both myself and the blog. For lending out a helping hand (or keeping my head out of my ass) and just for being good friends in and out of game.

Thank you to @mahnsturr @raelcsart @yalakid @dantroziman @doorway-through @fainfaineant for all the fun I’ve had with each of you in GRIMM. Thank you for all the great art of Amon and thank you so much Rae for taking care of my Alex’s ass. <3

THANK YOU TO MY MOTHERFUCKING DISCORD: @haila-wetyios @luma-lee @naveiasue @lyriahkarnelle @sharlayan-scholar @desertsaffron FOR PUTTING UP WITH ALL THE UNADULTERATED BAT-SHIT CRAZY NONSENSE THAT OCCURS IN THERE EACH DAY. It gets absolutely fucking wild sometimes in Unlimited Chat Works and I am fucking blessed that you guys still manage to put up with my bullshit. Whether we’ve been friends since the beginning or you’re just now realizing how crazy we are in there thank you. I love you guys with all my fucking heart and I have so much fun every single day in there with each of you. 

Thank you, @koidrakevice you fucker for so, so, much. For all the times we’ve spent late at night theory-crafting, grinding, researching, just...playing XIV. None of this would have happened if you hadn’t gotten me back into the game. I’ve grown so much because of you and being able to do content our way with you and Douglas is genuinely the thing I look forward to the most in Stormblood. Thank you, buddy, for being one of the best friends I’ve ever had and for playing XIV with me. It means more than you know and more than I’ll ever fucking admit because fuck you. 

Thank you always, @fishtailsushi I love you the world over and playing XIV together with you is something I’ll remember for the rest of our lives. You’ve grown so much in this game and in many aspects, you’re a far better player than I am. Thank you for continuing to stand with me and in making memories with all of our crazy friends. Thank you for pushing me to do better and supporting me through all of my doubts in-game and in real life. I love you poop, and thank you.~

Finally... thank you to everyone who’s been a part of the journey thus far. I’m not sure where things will end up in Stormblood, but I can promise you that I’m going to continue to improve, both as a player and a member of this crazy community. So if you’ve made it this far, take to heart that regardless of our differences, we’re all in this together. Fuck whatever discourse may pop up and just try to have fun and focus on all the good around you because as you can see, this place full of love, you’ve just got to open yourself up to it.-

Take care, and I’ll see you in Stormblood.

Patrick Amon.

[someobscurereference]

hey so I just wanted to say that ur headcanons give me life. FFXV and fe14 alike! Like, it legitimately makes my day to reread them and I circle back to them constantly. Would it be too much to ask u to share some H/C headcanons for the main nohrian noble/retainer relationships? (The same ones you've done before, so Xander/laslow, Odin/niles/Leo, and Camilla/Selena/beruka?) like how they would react if one of them got hurt? Or even just sick? I'm flexible.

I’m!!! Thank u, anon!! It’s so sweet to hear you like my headcanons so much! Of course you can ask for some anytime! Thank you for reading them!! OTL

Since Xander/Laslow is the shortest, we’ll start there.

In Xander/Laslow’s final support convo, Xander straight up tells Laslow his one requirement of Laslow is that he continue to live, even if Laslow is no longer serving Xander. As opposed to Leo’s “please continue to use your title as retainer so we are connected no matter what,” Xander says, “I don’t care if you have a different name or appearance in the future, I just want you to continue to draw breath.” If Laslow were seriously life-threateningly injured, Xander would blame himself for not being stronger (the same way he blames himself for his past retainer’s deaths–he believes he was too “weak” to protect them, despite being absolutely outnumbered with little hope of winning anyway.) He certainly be torn up about it, but probably in private. It wouldn’t be good for a leader to be seen as weak in front of his soldiers. He’d probably internalize a lot of that guilt too, even if there was nothing he could have done. He’d probably overwork himself until someone told him to knock it off.

I think Xander and Laslow are really similar? Laslow would have a similar response, I think, feeling a lot of guilt because he didn’t do his job right. Laslow would also be depressed, though he’d probably be more obvious about it (even when trying to hide it. This Man For Flowers wears his heart on his sleeve and you can tell when his smiles are fake.) Laslow also dwells on how short life is a lot (in a lot of his supports), so this would probably just be another reminder at how close to losing someone he is at all times. 

They’d both visit each other in recovery often, though Xander might be busier with work and less likely to get away. He’d still go at least once a day, even if he’s exhausted and about to pass out tho. Eventually one of them would probably apologize to the other for “not being strong enough” and the other would probably say “What??? Are you talking about???” because they only view themselves as too weak. Laslow might cry.

If it were a small injury for either of them, Laslow would fret and Xander would be like, “That’s life. Sometimes you get hurt.” He’d tell Laslow to rest if he were injured and but maybe do some things that were too stressful if he himself were hurt. Laslow would happily be a bit lazy if he had a sprained ankle or something, but then he’d realize how less mobile and flirty he could be and then he’d complain dramatically. Same for if he got sick. If Xander were hurt/sick, he’d force him to take a rest “for the good of the kingdom and your continued health.” In that context, Xander might slow down. 

(In more romantic terms, Laslow would probably dote on Xander if he were sick, even if Xander were a little annoyed. Xander has a soft side, tho, so he might actually enjoy Laslow lingering and sitting and talking with him, just not the constant questions of if he wants anything. If Laslow were a tiny bit sick, he’d probably play it up dramatically. If he really had a fever, he might try to pretend it’s not as bad as it is, which Xander wouldn’t like. 

If Xander put his hand on Laslow’s forehead and was like, “Hey, you’re really hot,” (i.e. sick) Laslow would… go red and pass out on the spot probably, which would be only further proof that Laslow is ill in Xander’s mind. Meanwhile, being taken care of and held and stuff would go straight to Laslow’s heart.)

Leo/Niles/Odin

Leo is?? I don’t want to say more selfish, because that’s not the right word?? He’s not the worrying type because he’s pretty assured of himself that Niles and Odin are the best and can accomplish anything he asks, but if he got word one of them was in the infirmary for something not insignificant, he’d probably go there to check on them and once he was sure they’d recover, he’d be like, “What happened?”

Answer: They were protecting Leo or Nohrian citizens and got hurt somehow.

Leo: “Then don’t?? Do that???” (He doesn’t really mean don’t protect people, but part of him also can’t stand the thought of either of them being super hurt and disappearing forever. He does value N/O on the same level as his family but also as a prince, he feels he has to protect his people and can’t play favorites and it’s Complicated)

Niles: “That’s literally my job and I would happily die for you at any moment.”

Leo: “okay, but actually Don’t”

Odin: “I will never pass up an opportunity to help the innocent (and also Help you), my lord”

Leo: “Okay, but actually do it Better in the future so you don’t get injured like this.”

By which he means: pick the strategy that’s going to hurt you the least and retreat if need be. 

Niles and Odin would salute and agree but they all know they’re dummies who will do selfless things anyway. (Niles is a little less likely to say he would but if an absolutely helpless Nohrian citizen is in trouble or Odin/Leo were throwing themselves into danger, he’d be right behind them.) In Leo’s support with Odin, he’s straight up like “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you. I need both you and Niles by my side.” If anything ever happened to them, especially for his benefit, Leo would be pretty devastated. He’d probably withdraw a lot, which is how I picture pre-Niles (and eventually Odin) Leo to be like, but even worse. 

Meanwhile, if Leo were hurt/sick, Odin and Niles would be on him 24/7, trying to comfort him while one-upping each other, and it’s hard to feel comfortable when you have The World’s Loudest Man on one side of you and That (Boy)Friend That Does Not Have A Limit on the other.

Odin: “MY LORD, MY OWN DARK AURA MUST HAVE INFECTED YOU WITH SOME NEFARIOUS CURSE I AM TRULY SORRY FOR MY AMAZING EVIL ENERGY WHICH HAS–”

Niles: “(Odin why don’t you say that a bit louder, I’m not sure Hoshido heard you) My lord, to help you sleep, I am going to read you this book of 1,000 Dirty Knock-Knock jokes, here I go”

Leo, desperate and crying: “please…let me rest…”

(If Niles/Odin were ever out of commission at the same time though, Leo, who values his alone time a lot, would probably become very lonely anyway)

Camilla/Selena/Beruka

If Camilla were ever hurt or sick, Selena would probably be running around the castle trying to do everything Camilla asks and then some. She’s gonna polish Camilla’s axes. She’s gonna take care of her wyvern. She’s gonna make Camilla soup! She’s gonna oversee some visiting diplomats whether she’s supposed to or not! Because Camilla is depending on her!! (And she has to be the best retainer ever!! Did you see that, Beruka???)

Beruka, standing outside the door: “I’m not a healer and none of that is my job.” 

But she will stand there all night waiting for assassins who have come to take out out Camilla in her weakened state. She probably doesn’t sleep for 3 days. Selena begins force feeding her food. 

Selena would force being cheerful for Camilla’s sake, though she’d also trash talk whoever caused Camilla to be hurt. Beruka wouldn’t, of course, but she’d be annoyed in her own way that she failed to protected her boss(/girlfriend, but the boss part might be more important to her.) If Camilla were sick, it might distress Beruka that “invisible enemies” could cause Camilla to fall ill like this. That’s not something Beruka can protect her from. Perhaps Camilla was poisoned? Drat. Beruka has been slacking off. She has to be more vigilant from now on. This could have been a fatal mistake.

(Selena: “hey you know it’s just a cold, right”)

Meanwhile, if Selena/Beruka were injured on the battlefield, Camilla would d e c i m a t e whoever hurt them. She’d be brutal. It would not be pretty. And then she’d take them back to the tents or their rooms or wherever to be taken care of. She would probably dote on them in persona lot the way Xander/Leo might not. Probably petting/brushing their hair and cooing over them and stuff. Beruka Would Not want that as it reminder her that she’s weak and she views it as unnecessary. She might give in once Camilla told her it’s for Camilla’s benefit as much as Beruka’s. For Selena, it’d be a bit more complex. Selena might feel weird at first, same as Beruka but also feeling bad that she “messed up” on the field and that Camilla shouldn’t dote on her, it should be the other way around (The “messed up” part wouldn’t apply if she just had a cold or something). Selena actually really likes being pampered though, so she’d probably grow to enjoy it a lot. “If Camilla says it’s okay, why shouldn’t I enjoy myself? Hell yeah”.

There would be lots of kisses. Especially from Camilla.