#I'm tired of the posts on Tumblr where readers say authors should be grateful for having their fics read but demanding they be of certain c

[sunflwryu]

hello my readers, it's yumi here!

i'm not sure if anyone will read this (feel free to move on from this post if you'd like without spreading negativity), but i wanted to be honest to anyone who stumbles on my blog, and for my moots who might be wondering where i am.

whatever response i get to this, so be it, i'm just saying my piece, my thoughts and what i've been feeling for a while now rather than keeping it inside like i normally do. i'm tired of always contemplating on whether i should post how i feel on my blog, tired of feeling like an annoying whiny bother if i post anything at all besides my writings, tired of being afraid of what people might think of me or what they might say to me after, because i've seen how other authors are treated when they say their piece.

i hope you can understand if you do decide to read it.

i think unknowingly, i started measuring my writings' worth based on the interactions they get, as in comments and reblogs with tags or text. it's not anyone's fault, no one owes me interaction just like i don't owe anyone fics, but maybe because it felt so good to get so much interaction at the beginning of my blog that nowadays, i just compare what interaction i get now to what i did then.

i mean, that first sunoo fic i wrote got so much, and it still remains my most popular work, amazingly enough. it's not that i'm ungrateful, because i'm grateful to get reads, reblogs, likes, and it's not that i'm begging for interaction, because that's not what i'm doing either. i'd rather have people naturally interact if they want to, because i don't want someone to force themselves to give me feedback.

it's just that, i got my expectations set so high from my initial success of this blog, on certain works, that now that i don't get as much feedback or comments about how people feel on my more recent fics in comparison to what i got back then, especially seeing that many people still read and like my works and follow me, i feel naturally disheartened. and then whenever i try to write something new, another draft, it's like nothing i ever write will be better than that sunoo fic, will give a better shock value in its plot twist than the one in that hyunjin fic...and when i see other authors get loads of interaction, especially smut ones, i just feel disappointed in myself even though it's not my fault and it's not theirs either.

maybe it's because i write in a niche genre, maybe because i refuse to write extreme violent yanderes, maybe because i don't write explicit content, maybe because i can't commit to writing a longer, multi-chaptered fic, maybe because i'm not so involved into k-pop as i used to when i was younger so i'm out of touch with most things, maybe because i don't know how to interact with my readers other than responding to them, maybe because i come off unapproachable, or all those things combined? it's just, i don't want to source my works' worth, even my worth based on tumblr anymore, because that's killed all my fun, all the enjoyment i got out of writing, because i only criticize myself more when i look at those numbers and my own and compare myself to others. i just keep thinking there's something wrong with what i'm doing, with my writing, with myself and my choices on my boundaries, when there's nothing wrong and i shouldn't criticize on myself because of my personal, reasonable boundaries.

maybe it's just because of how almost everything has been pretty shit for me for the past few years and getting progressively, exceptionally worse, because of how i started to hyperfocus on this blog, on writing, since it was one of the only good things in my life. i guess eventually i started getting this taste of bitterness for this blog, for writing, which definitely was largely influenced by the shit i'm going through now and also for what i've said earlier, with how i killed my enjoyment for writing by myself because of comparison, because of how i let the circumstances outside tumblr ruin everything, but yeah...i just put a lot of unrealistic expectations on it and they were bound to fall through at some point anyways.

that's just how change is...i don't have much time anymore to think of ideas, to write like i used to, and i know i have to focus on doing what's best for me, which isn't this blog right now, as much as i want to continue writing, to rediscover that love i had for it in the beginning.

perhaps sharing my writing on a public blog like this isn't for me...

...so it's safe to say that regardless of what interactions i get after this post, i won't be writing or posting anything new anymore, at least not on tumblr publicly, at least not until i feel like it again, which could be many months, a few days, or even never. it might've been obvious because of my inactivity since september, but i guess i just wanted to say it more officially for those who have been expecting, waiting, if any at all, and to actually say it officially for myself as well, so i don't have to keep getting mad at myself for not posting anything, for not writing anything, for not working on the requests in my inbox.

thank you for reading and supporting me as always. :))

(i hope this post doesn't make it seem that i don't appreciate you all, because i do. i just wanted to share my feelings, and i was tired of not saying anything about my feelings to almost no one all this time. i'll still be around on tumblr to answer asks, to talk to my moots, to interact with interactions on my works, to read, though. i'm always grateful because this blog has given me ways to express myself that i couldn't IRL, and you readers support that.)

[canadian-riddler]

What are your thoughts about some writers guilt tripping readers into giving them feedback? That if they don't get enough feedback, they lose all motivation for writing and leave the writing community. And it'll be the readers fault. Is it even right to put this pressure on the readers? That it's their responsibility now to keep a stranger's hobby afloat? Some writers don't understand the pressure this entails to readers and this makes readers not want to consume those works any longer.

There should never be any guilt-tripping.  That’s not a thing that should be happening.  However.  If you’re talking about the posts on Tumblr where authors are literally begging for reblogs because they wrote a fic and got two notes on it, that’s a different story altogether.

I don’t know how long you’ve been reading fanfic, but writers used to get a LOT more interaction from their audience.  Like a LOT, even on crappy fics.  From my point of view as a writer, for some reason leaving a review on a fanfic USED to be a fun thing to do to get all excited about a fic with an author; nowadays, it’s more and more often described by the readers as a chore.  Something they shouldn’t have to do, and IF they do, the author should be grateful and shut up even if they only receive one ‘nice job :)’ every ten thousand words.

Guilt-tripping for reviews is a thing that has always happened, ever since fanfic started, and mostly by young authors who want to know they’re not screaming into the void.  But there are people putting out novels 80k words long and when you’re halfway through your novel and nobody seems willing to talk about it, you start to wonder what the POINT even is.  You’re not making any money.  You’re not getting accolade or appreciation.  But the SECOND you decide to stop putting out this novel, someone is going to come along and say ‘THIS IS WHY I HATE GOOD AUTHORS, THEY NEVER FINISH THEIR FICS’.  Which HAS happened to me, multiple times.  People read my 400k fic which is quite clearly on hiatus, and they get to the end and all they have to say about all those words is ‘WHERE’S THE REST?’  And it is then MY responsibility to support a stranger’s hobby - of reading fanfic - without ever actually receiving any encouragement to do so. 

Fanfic writers already have a hard enough time.  There are posts on Tumblr with thousands of notes saying they refuse to read anything that’s not in the third person.  Writers have to beg for so much as likes, let alone reblogs.  I have people come to me sometimes, ‘oh yeah Indy I love your fics, I’ve read them multiple times’ but I have NEVER heard from them before.  I have no idea what you are defining as ‘guilt-tripping’, but a writer shouldn’t have to beg for so much as a click on the kudos button if people like their writing so much they keep going back and re-reading it multiple times.  How much feedback are you defining as ‘enough’?  Because a lot of writers?  They don’t get any.  At all.  Zero.  If they got one comment they’d be happy. 

Readers don’t really seem to understand the pressure to produce a product with no reward and only internal motivation with which to guide you.  Is it a stranger’s hobby?  Yes.  But if you spend so much time reading fic, why WOULDN’T you want to support the fics you like?  Why is it such a chore to comment on something that you spent time and enjoyed reading?  Why is it such a big deal to say ‘oh I liked when [insert line here] and move on with your day?’ 

Anyway.  You haven’t defined guilt-tripping or ‘enough feedback’ and the way fandom is these days, people take polite requests and turn them into authors demanding reviews.  If they are genuinely guilt-tripping for comments, then no, that’s not cool.  But if you feel like it’s a big pain in the ass to say you liked something that you liked every once in a while, I have to wonder why you’re reading fanfic at all.  Comments and kudos are all writers ask to be paid in for their hundreds of hours of work, and a lot of readers act like that’s some massive price to pay.  And yeah.  That DOES make people want to stop writing.  But they usually don’t say that.  They usually just disappear, and then they proceed to get emails from fanfic sites from readers who apparently loved their fics and want them to come back now that they’ve left.