#I'm too much of an anxious bitch for discourse

[someidiotwithalaptop]

For the record: We should celebrate Rooster Teeth for giving us Bumbleby the same way we celebrate Disney for giving us Luz and Amity, and Nickelodeon for giving us Korrasami. Namely by booing and throwing rotten tomatoes whenever they try to use it for their marketing, because it had nothing to do with the garbage company and everything to do with the crew who actually worked on the show.

That said, misery is not activism—so I personally think the best thing to do here is focus on both celebrating and supporting everyone who worked on this. They were excited to share it, and we were excited to see it, and we all deserve to be excited!

Let's just keep in mind that it's CRWBY who deserves the world here, and make it very clear to RT that we know it's not our ally, and it better do right by them if it wants to continue to exist. They should be able to count on all of our support in dealing with the garbage company.

[milfhandholder]

Random Grell thingz I've accumulated in my head bcs I'm delusional but without context bcs I am going to write a legit novel abt this woman one day

Idc what anyone says, I am an avid believer of the fact that Grell has always been considered beautiful by her peers even in her human life

LIKE SHE'S THE MOST SOUGHT AFTER SUITOR OF HER SEASON, SHE WAS AN IT GIRL BEFORE THEY KNEW WHAT AN IT GIRL IS

She's so beautiful that the Victorians could've started kpop PC first bcs of her and trade them like actual kpoppers

Grell always knew about her being queer (minus actual label bcs Victorian era duh) but not about her gender

"Wait so you people don't fantasize about having boobs? Not at all? No?"

It was maybe 6 years into her reaper life when she finally got the memo that "hey girlie, you're actually a girl"

Her crisis went a bit like this: straight man -> gay man?? -> 'oh no I like girls too' bi man -> died LMAO -> 'I hate everyone and I hate my gender' questioning -> 'maybe I have no gender at all. I like girls though' (she was exclusive to girls only so I guess??lesbian?? Who cheered) -> transwoman questioning -> !! transwoman bi !!

Was in a 'lavender marriage' with a closeted lesbian for maybe 2 - 3 years before her suicide. Grell sort of fell in love with her but understandably never confessed. Fast forward to present time AND GRELL IS HITTING THE FLOOR, SCREAMING, CRYING

She had a lot of rage as a young reaper because she never really got over 'my parents suck' mindset that stood by her as she died

HATED WILLIAM. As much as I love the OVA, I will stand by my words that it would’ve been so much more interesting if Grell buried / was embarassed about her crush and acted like a dick towards him BECAUSE WHY, OF ALL THE MEN IN DISPATCH, DID IT HAVE TO BE WILLIAM T SPEARS

Mellowed out eventually and cool character development happened

Has more experience with and confidence in dating girls, she's very anxious (and perhaps frightful) about men reciprocating her advances

Being made "an experience" does that to you

Fun fact: she's the first and only woman William ever had a crush on. Good taste dude

She was projecting her ex wife A LOT onto Madam but it's ok bcs it was vice versa you see, Madam projected too BUT THEN THESE BITCHES TALKED IT OUT and everything is all ok and cool and OH GOD GRELL NOOOOOOOOO 😭😭😭😭

Speaks German and French, is the go to translator for German Dispatch businesses until Ludger (and eventually Sascha joined in as a bonus and a translator) was forced to sharpen his English

Now for the E discourse.... someone made a typo one day and she went with it

Grell: You see, when you go to France, they make you get a name in French. That's why I can go by Grell Sutcliff or Grelle Sutcliffe

Ron, an idiot who has never been anywhere except his hometown: oh shit fr??

Eric's her first ACTUAL reaper friend which is sad ngl LMAOOO

Firm believer that the reapers have mentorships for gifted students that started in Ron's year and that Grell was her mentor READ MY RON FIC, IM OBSESSED WITH THEM

Mentoring Ron (aka a few years before Jack the Ripper) was the moment where she was the healthiest, mentally

Then she divorced Madam, had a falling out with William and oops she regressed el em ao. Don't tell any of her friends though, they'd start annoying her to get better

People older and the same age as her are wildly terrified of her. This is in contrast to (most) juniors who are so in love with the idea of her

Harbors a lot of guilt, grief, rage, anger, jealousy, insecurity, narcissism, etc. She's just a good actress

Her butler persona was her mocking three people at once: her father's (brunette) appearance, her mother's wish for Grell to be more obedient, and Grell's old self that let people walk all over her for the sake of maintaining her family name

Her family is rich rich though she can't remember for what. She doesn't really care eitherway so

Can be very insensitive!! It doesn't help that she's friends with people who'd give the same energy back (Eric and Othello) or people who just don't care enough (William)

She learned how to hold her tongue when she realized Ron was genuinely upset with her rude comments. Ironically, Ron learned how to have thicker skin because of said comments

Likes dogs, sorry Sebastian

Good at fencing! Not much else in other sports!!

She hates sports sm, they make her sweat and they are tedious and they're exhausting and THEY'RE BORING

The only ranged weapon she'd try out is a gun.

She's no wuss

Yeah that's all that I can think of lmao

[thatscarletflycatcher]

Last part (chapters 39-53) of the comparison between editions of The Tenant of Wildfell Hall.

Chapter 39:

A) —God c Curse me,"!' he muttered, par parenthéese, "'if I don't have vengeance for this!

A) "'I don't care what he sees,"' said I, "'or what he imagines; but you, Mr. Hattersley, when you hear my name belied and slandered, will you defend it?"'

"'I will. Blast me if I don't!"'

Chapter 40:

A) "'Then you must send for them,"' said he; "'and if that old bitch, Rachel, doesn't immediately deliver them up, she tramps bag and baggage to-morrow."'

B) "'Then you must send for them,"' said he; "'and if that old devil, Rachel, doesn't immediately deliver them up, she tramps bag and baggage to-morrow."'

Chapter 42:

A) "'Oh, blast it, no! I couldn't stand that."'

A) But hang it!—by Jupiter, - that's not my fault!".

A) "'but you see if I don't make amends for it—G—d - d—-n me if I don't!"'

Chapter 47:

A) "'Speak out, Miss Eliza!"' said I, not deigning to notice the other's buffooneries, ": 'you needn't fear to say anything in my presence—that is true.".'

Chapter 48:

A) and sometimes acts in open opposition to my will.

A) it is deeds not words that must purchase my affection and esteem."'

B) it is deeds not words which must purchase my affection and esteem."'

A) she was at this time privately engaged to Richard Wilson— - a secret, I believe, to every one but their two selves.

B) she was at this time privately engaged to Richard Wilson— - a secret, I believe, to every one but themselves.

Chapter 50:

A) He, with his usual self-depreciation (or appreciation?), thought her a world too good for him

Chapter 51:

A) I told my mother that urgent business which admitted no delay, but which I could not then explain, called me away to (the last large town through which I had to pass.) .

A) and bidding them send the confounded conveyance after me

Chapter 52:

A) so I thought I'd find another place as what came."

And then he discoursed upon his present position as ostler at the Rose and Crown, and how greatly superior it was to his former one, in comfort and freedom, though inferior in outward respectability; and entered into various details respecting the domestic economy at the Grove, and the characters of Mrs. Hargrave and her son,—to which I gave no heed, being too much occupied with my own anxious, fluttering anticipations and with the character of the country through which we passed, that, in spite of the leafless trees and snowy ground, had for some time begun to manifest unequivocal signs of the approach to a gentleman's country seat.".'

Are we not near the house?"' said I, interrupting him in the middle of his discourse.

A) and then away to Staningley by the first coach for ****"

"You'll not get there to-day, sir."

"No matter, I don't want to get there today; I want to get there to-morrow, and pass the night on the road."-.'

"At an inn, sir? You'd Letter by half stay at our house; and then start fresh to-morrow, and have the whole day for your journey."

"What, and lose twelve hours? not I."

"Perhaps, sir, you're related to Mrs. Huntingdon?" said he, seeking to indulge his curiosity since his cupidity was not to be gratified.

"I have not that honour."

"Ah! well," returned he with a dubious, sidelong glance at my splashed, grey trousers and rough jacket. "But," he added, encouragingly, "there's many a fine lady like that 'at has kinsfolks poorer nor what you are, sir, I should think."

"No doubt,—and there's many a fine gentleman would esteem himself vastly honoured to be able to claim kindred with the lady you mention."

He now cunningly glanced at my face. "Perhaps, sir, you mean to—"

I guessed what was coming, and checked the impertinent conjecture with,—"Perhaps you'll be so good as to be quiet a moment. I'm busy."

"Busy, sir?"

"Yes, in my mind, and don't want to have my cogitations disturbed."

"Indeed, sir!"

You will see that my disappointment had not very greatly affected me, or I should not have been able so quietly to bear with the fellow's impertinence. The fact is I thought it as well—nay better, all things considered, that I should not see her to-day,—that I should have time to compose my mind for the interview—to prepare it for a heavier disappointment, after the intoxicating delight experienced by this sudden removal of my former apprehensions; not to mention that, after travelling a night and a day without intermission, and rushing in hot haste through six miles of newfallen snow, I could not possibly be in a very presentable condition.

Chapter 53:

A) and to obtain a fortune sufficient to enable him to aspire to her hand, but to render himself worthy of her, in his own eyes, as well as in those of her parents; and in the end he was successful, as you already know. As for myself, I need not tell you how happily my Helen and I have lived and loved together,

[mitskeens]

I find it funny I'm building a career based upon people reading and listening to what I have to say for both entertainment and discourse purposes and yet I'm fiercely under the delusion that noone cares what I have to say based on how much interaction/likes a post receives. Why do some posts (on twitter cos I'm mostly active there) receive a lot of attention and then why do others receive none (esp on Tumblr)? Why does it bother me so much when it happens and why do I base my self worth on it? Alternatively, when a post gets too much attention why does it make me so anxious and seen and then I want to retreat but it doesn't make me feel any more worthy? This invisibility vs. hypervisibility complex I have brewing inside me is fking with me. And it's getting more obvious recently. I know it has something to do with growing up shy and feeling ignored but like bitch I'm not shy anymore so now what? I need to do some shadow work but where tf do I begin?

[lvnatiq]

Surrealtà | Nicky Valentino x Assassin!OC

A/N: Hello, my fellow Valentinhoes! I already mentioned this series that will be approximately 10 chapters long (if not more). I tried to keep the prologue short trying my best to not bore you. The dialogues between the characters are modified according to this story and yes, there will be a lot of new characters alongside the original ones. With that being said if you have any questions or suggestions, let me know :)! 

Enjoy, toots.

Warnings: Violence, mentions of death, usage of inappropriate language.

Prologue: Inferno

“Do you ever doubt your actions? I mean, you know the uproar about them being ethically wrong.”

Andrea's words revealed her agitated behavior. Her sincere concern for her friend was boggling her mind with more questions.

“Why would I doubt my actions when there are enough people already doing that.”

Heaven lifted her glass to her lips and stopped moments before taking a sip.

“I never give people anything more or less than what they’ve done.”

The sour taste of alcohol lingers on her tongue while it makes its way into her system causing her body to warm up.

“If they kill, I kill. Easy as that.”

“You know what’s going to happen when they get you behind bars, right ?” said Andrea. Fully aware of the fact that her attempts at getting her to tap out were not affecting Heaven at all.

“I don’t."

Heaven said as she turned her head towards the anxious eyes that were studying her. Her smirk becomes more prominent as she sets her booze down on the glass table.

“Because It’s not going to happen."

Upon hearing her words Andrea couldn't manage to hide her astonishment.

“How can you be so sure ?”

“I’m not but do I have any other options? I am not someone that you would want to see panicking.”

Heaven said as she continued to play with the rim of her glass. She proceeded as she eyed her reflection on the glass table.

“I might appear dangerous when I let my anger take over, but panic?” she scoffed as she pushed her long locks away from her face.

“I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.”

“Why?” Andrea said, engaging herself with the conversation more and more. Afterall there were no limits to her curiosity.

“I lose control.”

Says Heaven as she collects the documents scattered over the table and then stands up from her stool. She lowers herself at Andrea's eye level as she proceeds with her speech.

“...and If I lose control, my love...”

Andrea drops her gaze as she couldn't bring herself to look straight into her eyes. Heaven whispers her last words, unaware of the fact that this statement will be the foreshadowing of what was about to come.

“All hell will break loose.”

With that, the curiosity killed the cat.

January 1st, 2020

The cold breeze of New York combed her long locks as she stared at her watch. Her pupils dilating as her eyes followed the second hand, continuing to count the seconds.

"Thirty more to go. Then it's time for the Fiesta."

Pushing back the hem of her coat, she pulled out a brand new Glock 19 and a suppressor. Her hands started to wander around the gun as she let the feeling of absolute power captivate her senses. After rolling the silencer onto the muzzle of the Glock, she placed her gun back at its previous position.

The silencer, her infamous nickname.

Nobody knew her true identity nor her background. At this point in her life, others weren't the only ones to do so. Her memory was as unreliable as her trigger. Her past, present, and future remained unknown to her. In her opinion, keeping her past locked in the forbidden spaces of her mind it's for the better.

"Henry Harding, age 46, a prick who traded the life of his wife for the comfort of his stacks."

She reminded herself as her steps quickened. The darkness of the night emerged as the light of the day shuttered under its vigor. Her breathing became apparent, evaporating in front of her eyes.

"His right hand, Richard Kindell, a coward who sold his soul to the same devil that killed his son. Porca miseria! What type of leverage does that son of a bitch has over Richard that keeps him loyal no matter the cause?"

She cursed under her breath as she took a sharp turn. Upon seeing the large crowd in front of the theatre she decided to examine the atmosphere surrounding her. Women in elegant dresses were accompanied by men in suits. Their sweet conversations concerning their excitement about the movie, pervading the air with love. Utterly oblivious of the fact that they were soon to be bystanders of a tragic ending.

"Tragic but a well-deserved ending."

Her plan was too simple for her liking. She made Richard get the same gun that she had attached to her thigh, two weeks before she sent the suspicious mail to Henry. The mail that contained information exclusively known by the two of them regarding Richard's son's death. She was simply using their trust issues as an advantage.

"25 meters till the warfare."

As she moves closer, the ticket booth becomes more visible and her eyes meet the man of the moment, Murray.

"Smile, Heaven. You don't want to disappoint your audience."

She said as she put her killer smile on, turning heads as she walked by. Her charming nature and her mysterious aura always captured people's attention. Even so, she couldn't care less.

Her hair flowing in harmony with the wind, her steps overflowed with confidence, and her eyes gleamed with the fact that she could finally put an end to what the judiciary system defined as a dilemma. It's time for Maria's long-awaited vendetta.

"Hello, Murphy. How's the night treating you?"

Murphy gave her a heartwarming smile, accompanied by sincere laughter.

"So far so good. What about you my dear?"

"Lovely, I'd say. New York has its charm, you know."

She said as her hand reached her pocket, searching for the ticket.

"Seems so."

Murray said as his eyes carefully scanned Heaven's. Sensing his unusual behavior, Heaven glued her eyes back onto his as she took a step further.

"How do you figure?"

She asked as she gave him a smirk. A smirk that often got people's breath hitch, hands sweat and their heartbeats accelerated.

"Your eyes."

Said Murray letting his body language do the favors, he pointed at her eyes.

"They tell a lot."

He said as he positioned himself back behind the booth. Murray was a part of her plan even though he didn't know much about it. She didn't lie to him but she also didn't tell him things that were none of his business. Such as her soon to be attempted murder.

"I suppose."

She said as she lifted her wrist casually to check the time.

"Aces. Perfect timing."

She dipped her hand back again into the pocket of her coat. Unable to feel any sort of texture regarding the existence of the ticket, she slid her other hand into her other pocket.

"Nothing."

"Your ticket, my dear?"

Without disrupting her composure, she thought of a quick backup plan.

"I need him to participate, I lost my ticket. How is this even possible?"

She thought as she closed her eyes shut. Letting out a deep breath, she opened her eyes only to reveal her teary vision. She strongly held on the cuffs of her coat making her knuckles turn white as she lowered her gaze to the floor. Even the most successful artist would be envious of her skilled performance.

"Murray, my ticket is missing."

Murray studied her reaction as he gave her an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry my dear. I don't think that we have any other tickets left for the night."

Upon hearing his words she raised her gaze to meet his, giving him a look that will scar him for the rest of his life.

"Murray, You know that I can't miss this. Tonight was my main reason for coming to New York. I'm desperate for your help."

She said slowly pushing her coat back to display the outline of the gun beneath her dress. Her innocent demeanor was falsified by her reveal. Murray gave her an empty look, seemingly unaffected by her threat. He stopped for a second before turning to her with a smile.

"I got you, Heaven."

He said as he reached under the desk revealing a golden ticket. He slowly extended his hand as hers followed. Then, he retracted it. Unaware of the dangerous game he was playing with Heaven's patience.

"One last thing, Heaven."

He indicated to her to come closer as he leaned in. Not wanting to waste any more of her precious time Heaven obliged.

"It's time for you to prioritize yourself. For the sake of your good."

He said as he gave her the ticket and pushed the gate open for her.

"Have fun, my dear."

Heaven, unimpressed by his discourse, stepped inside. Hearing the gate close behind her. The heavy smell of tobacco dominated the large area blinded by the lights of the enormous chandelier and golden decorations that reminded her of the Palace of Versailles. A palace that was full of people with extravagant attires laughing and cheering, adorning their social interactions with excessive reactions. Baffled by the unanticipated environment Heaven took a few steps back, letting her back hit the wall.

The wall, located exactly where the gate should be. As her confusion gets the best of her, at her right she notices a man reading a newspaper. She walks close enough to see the contents of the front page. Only to realize that the front page was listing absurdly familiar names of the several presidents. Names that surely belonged to the 20'ies. Heaven gently closed her eyes then she leaned her forehead against the palm of her hand.

"Where the hell am I?" she muttered as her own words, followed by her deep voice, echoed inside of her head. She gave one last glance at the velvet wall where the entrance gate should've been.

"Abandon hope, all ye who enter here."

Vocabulary: 

Second hand: the hand on some watches and clocks that moves quickly, showing the seconds.

Fiesta: an event marked by festivities or celebration.

Porca miseria: in this case used as “Bloody hell”.

Vendetta: a blood feud in which the family of a murdered person seeks vengeance on the murderer or the murderer's family.

"Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.": A message warning one about a hopeless situation from which there is no return. The Italian version of this phrase appears in Dante's Divine Comedy as the inscription on the entrance to Hell. The phrase is most often used humorously.

[cottagecrowe]

Feel free to not respond to this, but I just wanted to thank you for your input on that whole mess that you recently reblogged. I truly tried reading it and having to see what both sides were saying but I just couldn't handle it. I'm the type of person that fighting and heavy accusations being thrown out makes me terribly uncomfortable and it ruined my night. I was so anxious watching that situation going down because I followed both original ops without realizing and they just kept going back and forth and it just kept escalating. I ended up blocking/unfollowing both because I didn't want to see it anymore. It isn't that I am turning a blind eye to this problem, it's that the heavy accusations and how they are so quick to tear each other down that bugs me. I hate how they are trying to see the worst in each other and explain why you are bad, etc. I don't even need to mention how one of them called people weird and even brain dead.

It's a mess and I promised to ignore the thread like the plague now but then I saw your reblog and couldn't help myself. But I was so glad to see someone take it as seriously as you did. I am still going to be ignoring the thread from this point because of how anxious it makes me, but thank you for what you said and taking the time to put your input

Oh my gosh, you’re really sweet, ty very much~!! If I reply to anything else publicly on it I’ll tag it under #discourse so you can avoid seeing it if you have tag blockers turned on 💗 And don’t feel bad, anxiety’s a bitch and your mental health always comes first! 💓 Besides, that kinda sounds as though you may have been on the receiving end of some similar situations before, and that stuff can be traumatizing, so you’re 100% fine! There’s a big difference between wanting ignorance, and just having anxiety~. U U (and ofc that is just a guess, no one needs any explanation for your anxiety to be valid~ 💓💞💓)

And I def recommend looking at the og tweet I left in the v bottom of the one I rbed on here bc it’s much more just expressing concern (in the comments as well), than attacking anyone specifically, if you feel able to 💗 (the op also responded to my reblog in a respectful manner as well~. Not as an encouragement for you to refollow or anything, but just to additionally ease your mind a bit~! I was very argumentative on here when I was younger too, lol.)

But thank you again, you’re sweet~! 🥺💕💕 This is exactly why I say something on things like this, bc they make most others way too scared to say anything, or even show they agree, or listen to what either side has to say, and we all just need to chill out and have a serious conversation about this. Fiction isn’t the problem here, lack of mental help, lack of meaningful interactions with real people, being trapped in abusive living situations, and/or exposed to those with already twisted morals and intentions, 99% of the time, actually is. Focusing on fiction to be a red flag just feels like a slap in the face to all this other more important things to focus on. Feels like someone started this argument as a red herring, and a bunch of teens/a few adults understandably very scared of online predators, just jumped on it as a safety net. Understandable, but still not ok.

And I refuse to be bullied into silence on saying otherwise.

[kenjkats]

i'm a very shy person and gets really anxious when issues come along. i've lookedupon you for a very long time. may i know how do you handle the fandom's toxicity and does it also affect your real life? do you have any tips and suggestions how to deal with it especially when attacked by those who thought your "friends"? since the internet has alot of ups and downs, especially with relationships.

Hey nonny! I feel you. I rambled as usual so

how do you handle the fandom’s toxicity and does it also affect your real life?

Contrary to what my behavior on here may tell you, I’m pretty shy and anxious too. Especially in person. I’m that girl with the resting bitch face mixed with shyness who’s quiet a lot of the time so people think I’m a bitch and don’t talk to me LOL. 

Anyway the point of that is: I can usually shrug things off, but yes it affects me now and then when things happen in the fandom. 

Mini rant on why it affects me lol:

This place is supposed to be a community where we can get along or leave each other alone regardless of whether we like or dislike the same parts of the game. And for a lot of the busier people, this place is a hobby and leisurely getaway from chores and boring work. So seeing fights and discourse on almost a daily basis causes anxiety or makes you feel exhausted.

To be clear, the drama that makes me anxious is all the unnecessary ones that shouldn’t even be drama like differing opinions and preferences in the game. Important topics like things relating to racism, sexism etc. should definitely be discussed. I don’t mean those. But fighting over why you like this LI over this one, or ideas and preferences on how a story should go, or saying people who like romance only are dumb is so unnecessary.These are things we can and should be able to talk about, just not attack each other for.

It makes as much sense as if I picked a fight with my friend because they preferred vanilla ice cream when I love chocolate ice cream.

The whole thing makes you feel like you’re not allowed to say what or who you like or what you think on here and that brings a lot of anxiety, when the fandom is supposed to be THE place you do that.

do you have any tips and suggestions how to deal with it

How I deal with it is I do it anyway lol. Why let people ruin your fun? Basically my tip is you do you, find others who you are comfortable with and fangirl with them (you don’t have to friends or liked by the entire fandom), ignore the critics and hate anons, and just have fun. 

If it does get to you, which it does to me sometimes too, then take some time for yourself. A lot of us came here first of all to have fun looking at game-related content, so when this place is affecting you to the point that you are stressed outside of it, then leave it for a while, take a break, and come back when you feel better. Blacklisting certain tags that you don’t want to see like Anti- character tags can help. 

especially when attacked by those who thought your “friends”? since the internet has alot of ups and downs, especially with relationships.

Internet relationships are something you should generally be careful about. Not to say that all people are by default awful, but it’s the same “be careful” mindset you have with real life strangers. 

And if you had “friends” attack you over this mobile game, they’re not your friends. Unfollow and blacklist them. If it doesn’t work then block them so they can’t interact with you or your posts. You should never feel bad about it. The buttons are there for you to use in such cases and they are your right as a user on this site. Because no one should be attacked over a game or feel unsafe on a site we go on for shits and giggles. It’s absurd. 

SHORT VERSION: Don’t stress too much. It’s the internet and you can remove yourself from it at anytime, plus they can never actually get to you. Only their words can if you let them. And lastly, do all you can to make yourself safe and comfortable within the community.