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farfrombrooklyn · 4 months

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Reader's Log, April 2024

April was a chaotic month for me, as my wife and I packed up our belongings and moved to California. I ended up driving, transporting house plants and an oversized dog in the way-back of our old Honda CR-V.

Bob Dylan in America by Sean Wilentz (audiobook)

As the dog and I worked our way across Ohio, Indiana and Missouri, we listened to a collection of essays about Bob Dylan by Sean Wilentz, a Princeton professor but also, tongue-in-cheekily, the "historian in residence" of the Bob Dylan website. Wilentz is a passionate long-time fan of Dylan's, and much of the writing struck me as a bit too passionately fan-ish, but when he mainly wears his historian's, rather than his fan's, headgear, he comes up with some fascinating stuff.

In particular, I enjoyed his long, winding investigation of the roots of the song "Delia," one of the oldest blues songs, which as it happens (and I had never known this, even though I have played my own version of "Delia" on the guitar since I was a teenager in the late 1970s) was based on actual events -- the murder of a woman named Delia Green in 1900. In fact, Delia was just a 14-year-old girl, killed by a child barely a year older, a 15-year-old named Mose Houston, who is referred to as Curtis in the song, at least in Dylan's version. The lyrics draw on actual dialog from the case, including the murderer's insouciant expectation that he would not be jailed, but merely fined, to which the judge replied, "Poor boy, you got ninety-nine." And the most affecting line of the song actually echoes the historical record as well:

Delia, my Delia, how could it be You loved all them rounders but you never did love me.

"Bob Dylan in America" is only the third audiobook I've ever managed to listen to start-to-finish. In fact, I tried and failed to listen to several others on the cross-country trip, including "William Blake vs. the World," "Hitch-22," and Tommy Orange's new novel, "Wandering Stars." Nothing against any of those books, I just wasn't able to enjoy the audiobook experience for some reason. (With the Christopher Hitchens book, the author's lovely reading voice, rumbly on the bottom and crisp on the top, just didn't render clearly on my car's crap stereo, and I couldn't understand a thing he was saying.)

Anyway, before the long car trip, the only two audiobooks I ever listened to in full were Barack Obama's "Dreams of My Father" and Werner Herzog's "Every Man for Himself and God Against All." Like the Wilentz book, these were narrated by their authors. Somehow I find it much more compelling to hear an author reading his/her work, rather than listening to plummy-voiced actors narrating other people's stories. Unlike Obama and Herzog, Wilentz doesn't have a particularly interesting voice but it's a familiar one -- a tad nasal, a tad twangy, as might be expected of a guy who grew up in Brooklyn in the 1950s.

Regarding those Brooklyn roots, it was weirdly jarring to learn, in the first moments of listening to Wilentz read, that he had grown up in the same Brooklyn neighborhood as me, albeit maybe eight or ten years before I did. Personal info like that (his father ran a record store in Greenwich Village and was tied into the whole Village folk scene of the early 1960s) made the telling much richer, and gave me the patience to get through some of the longer, slavishly positive essays about certain Dylan performances and albums that probably don't warrant quite so much attention. (Wilentz has far more patience for late Dylan work than I do, and there's no small amount of material in the book about later albums like "Love and Theft," and Dylan's controversial gospel recordings, and even "Shadows in the Night," the ultra weird collection of covers of pop songs from the '40s and '50s, many of them made famous by Frank Sinatra.)

One of the nice things about listening to this particular book during a cross-country drive was that, after certain chapters, such as an overlong appreciation of a Dylan concert at New York's Philharmonic Hall in 1964, I could go back and listen to the album in question. So aside from that particular concert (interesting performance, I must say) I also listened to "Blonde on Blonde" for the umpteenth time, and "The Basement Tapes," which is probably my most favorite album ever, "Blood on the Tracks," which to my surprise felt like it hadn't aged well, and "World Gone Wrong," probably the most "recent" Dylan album that I liked, even despite the wreckage of his singing voice.

Having said all that, I'm not sure I would ever recommend this audiobook--unless you find yourself with a hell of a lot of time on your hands and lot of miles to drive. In that case, have at it!

Report on Myself by Gregoire Bouillier

After re-reading Gregoire Bouillier's wonderful "The Mystery Guest" in March, I got a hold of a copy of his only other book that has been published in English, "Report on Myself," a lesser and lesser-known work.

In tl;dr terms, "Report on Myself" is a fragmentary recollection of Bouillier's life, focusing mainly on his parents and older brother, but also on his various lovers.

Like "The Mystery Guest," "Report on Myself" purports to be factual, and I have no reason to think that it isn't a truthful retelling, but because so much of the life it describes is grotesque and even horrifying, you have to wonder, or even hope, that the author is embellishing the facts.

In any case, the book opens with a description of his parent's menage a trois in Algeria in the late 1950s, the result of which is the birth of the author himself. Bouillier is, his mother tells him, the son not of his father but of the third member of their menage, an Algerian, hence Bouillier's olive complexion. (We also get quick report on the quality of his father's penis, at least according to his mother.) Later on, Bouillier says, he was sexually abused by his older brother. Later still, Bouillier shared moment of grotesque intimacy with his own mother.

Suffice to say, this was a messed up family.

None of this is really shocking so much as just ick.

It's hard to believe this book is by the same guy that wrote "The Mystery Guest." That book, his second, was charming and funny. It focused itself on a tiny event, a party at which he, the author, was playing the role of "mystery guest" at an artist's birthday party. The narrator was believably aching from a broken heart and amusingly uncertain of himself as he steeled for his first encounter with his ex-girlfriend, years after she left him. And most importantly, the book was wonderfully written, with elegant curlicues of sentences that ran on and on as the narrator recalled the humiliation and pain of his heartbreak.

By contrast, "Report on Myself" is lumpy and hard to follow, jumping from year to year and even deep into the Bouillier family's past, with no apparent narrative through-line other than, well, it was the guy's life, so it all must be related somehow. The Gregoire Bouillier narrating "Report on Myself" is something of a cliched Frenchman, moody and churlish. At one point he slaps a girlfriend in the face, an act that probably wasn't terribly surprising at the time the book was written, but feels brutish today. There's no sense of humor here, none of the jokey self-awareness that makes "The Mystery Guest" such a pleasure to read.

Strangest of all, "Report on Myself" is poorly written. This may be a defect of the translation. (It was translated by Bruce Benderson; "The Mystery Guest" was translated by Lorin Stein.) I don't know, but I somehow doubt Mr. Benderson is to blame.

At the Bottom of the River by Jamaica Kincaid

I am not sure but I think I have never read Jamaica Kincaid until now. A collection of dreamy reveries of childhood, this was her first book and it's not really like anything I've ever read before, at least not anything that wasn't labeled poetry.

That's both a strength and a weakness of the book; the individual pieces, which I resist calling stories, generally lack narrative and character, and they feature rich, often repetitive language, so they resemble poems. But they are awfully long for poems, and because they tend to follow their own logic, they don't proceed, really, but flit about, like a moth on a hot night.

For the most part, the pieces express the feeling of a moment. In "In the Night," a child lies awake in bed, cataloging the sounds of the evening. The child's imagination then takes over, turning reality into fantasy: a bird-woman feeding on the blood of her enemies, a dead neighbor in a clean suit, having a glass of rum. It's wonderful, it's incantatory, it's swirling and unexpected. But it's also hard to say what it is, other than wonderful, incantatory, and swirling. I mean, that's great, but I somehow want something more. I suppose that's a defect in me, the reader, and not Kincaid, the writer. But after a few of these wonderful swirling creations I was impressed but also dizzy and disoriented.

I will read more of Kincaid, though.

Agua Viva by Clarice Lispector

I was so mystified and frustrated by the last Lispector I had read, ("Near to the Wild at Heart," blogged for January, 2024) that I decided to pick up another of her works and give it a go, but I can't say that I am any clearer on this writer and I certainly can't understand the rabid devotion she engenders in some of her readers.

As with the Kincaid, I guess it's just me!

Anyway, "Aqua Viva" is a sort of diary of an artist. Paragraphs mark individual entries. Some follow what preceded. Some don't.

As with "Near to the Wild at Heart," there is no shortage of abstract musing. For example, "The secret harmony of disharmony: I don't want something already made but something still being tortuously made."

For some reason, this reminded me of nothing more than Lloyd Dobler, the teenage hero of the movie "Say Anything," discussing his plans for the future:

I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed.

Anyway, I remain mystified by the appeal of Lispector. I feel doltish, reading the blurbs calling her a remarkable writer, a hidden genius, an artist who belongs in the pantheon of Kafka and Joyce. WTH? I'm going to have to find a thoughtful essay on her to try to help me understand.

One thing I would say is that Lispector seems to pride herself on "improvisation," that is, she is trying to express herself in writing as if she were a jazz musician. One of the last lines in the book is: "This improvisation is." And early in the book she writes, "I know what I am doing here: I'm improvising. But what's wrong with that? improvising as in jazz they improvise music, jazz in fury improvising in front of the crowd."

This strikes me as a pretty weak understanding of what improvising is -- a romanticized notion that improvisation means just letting go, that chaotic blasts of words are somehow truer or realer for the fact that they burst forth essentially unbidden. But that's not what improvisation is about, not at all. (If it were, I would be Thelonious Monk or Django Reinhart.) Improvisation is ever so much more than simply letting go, "jazz in fury."

It's a small thing but it bugged me while I was trying to dig through "Agua Viva."

Maybe I will pick up Benjamin Moser's biography of Lispector. Maybe not. Life is short.

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oveliagirlhaditright · 4 years

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I've noticed there are at least 15 main installments of Final Fantasy, but the only ones I see people mention are Final Fantasy 7, 8, 10, and 15. Is there a reason the other game aren't as popular?

Buckle in, honey. Because I’m probably going to go overboard with this. I’m sorry. But it’s the best I can think of to explain it all.

So… full disclosure. I have not played I-VI. All I know about them is from the Dissidia games–where the main characters of those games show up and talk about their games some–and what I’ve read on Wikipedia. I also know a bit more about VI because of cultural osmosis, as that’s one of the more popular Final Fantasy games (and I have watched a teeny bit of VI online). And one day, I do hope to go back and play them all. But any information I get wrong about those ones–though I hopefully won’t–is because of this. And I apologize for it in advance.

Also, you should know that the Final Fantasy fandom is very vocal. And since every game pretty much reinvents the wheel–and everyone has a different game where they started and that is their favorite–everyone has their own idea about what a Final Fantasy “is” and “should be”. And if they get a Final Fantasy game that doesn’t meet that criteria for them, they usually hate it–and will tell anyone and everyone–and think that it “doesn’t feel like a true Final Fantasy”… Like, for years now… pretty much with any new game since X, or maybe even back as far as IX, people hate on it for years… only to years later realize that maybe it wasn’t “so bad, after all, because really the new thing is that bad”. Rinse and repeat.

Okay, so a little history here: Sakaguchi is the father of Final Fantasy, and was involved with I-X (though not as much on X, because I believe he was also working on the “Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within” movie at the time. More on that in a minute), back when the company was “Squaresoft” and not “Square Enix”. Around the time they were making X, Sakaguchi decided to try and make a fully 3D Final Fantasy movie–and to release it in theaters (The Spirits Within)–and that movie bombed hard. It’s actually one of the biggest financial failures in cinema history, sadly. And Squaresoft would have gone under because of it, if rival company Enix–mainly known for the Dragon Quest series–hadn’t agreed to merge with Squaresoft, thus turning the company into “Square Enix” as we know it today. And even though it wasn’t all his fault (if any of it? Because surely there were bigger studio heads who okayed everything and maybe even pushed for it themselves), Sakaguchi ended up having to take the wrap for the whole Spirits Within disaster and left the company, if I recall correctly, but really he had to leave, I think. I’m sure he was really fired, under the corporate niceties and stage show.

But you definitely have your purists, who only like I-X (or sometimes only I-IX) and think that Final Fantasy died when Squaresoft became Square Enix and when Sakaguchi left the company.

Speaking of which, I-VI, Final Fantasy VI is an extremely popular game. And that might actually be most people’s favorite after VII (some even like it more than VII). And people are clamoring for a remake for it, too. Like, the heroine Terra is an amazing character who goes through more than any other Final Fantasy heroine, apparently (as she was used as a weapon–as she’s super powerful–by the games’ villain for most of her life until she finally rises up against him). And she’s also the first technical female lead in a Final Fantasy game. People also love the villain, Kefka (and if you go on “What Final Fantasy Bosses do You Want in Kingdom Hearts?” threads, he’s always the one who gets the most votes), who’s this pure evil clown, who loves being bad and just wants to watch the world burn. The Joker, essentially. And he’s the only Final Fantasy villain to succeed: he actually does destroy the world, and you’re then playing in a post-apocalyptic place for half of the game. The character Celes even tries to kill herself over this… I think people like this game because it’s super dark (though not without light moments and humorous things, of course) like VII is.

Final Fantasy IV is also well-loved, but I don’t know enough to rank it in people’s eyes. I through III were pretty bare bones, it seems like (maybe moreso I and II) and with black and white morality. IV was the first game to go away from that, somewhat. As your main character, Cecil, who starts the game as a paladin turns into a dark knight(?). And while at first he’s despairing about this, he then realizes he can still be a hero and use his powers for good? And people adore the Cecil/Rosa ship, that perhaps started there being Final Fantasy romances. This is also a tragic tale about two brothers pitted against each other… There’s also the character Kain, that Riku’s character is probably based on and ideas from this game in general? Or maybe it’s Cecil that Riku’s based on. I forget.

VII is probably, hands-down, the most popular Final Fantasy game (though sometimes the people who love VI–and even IX–can really debate with the VII people. So they’re probably close to being tied). And I think this is because VII was the first to do a lot of things: The first to use 3D graphics (that were something to behold at the time), the first to be on Playstation, the first one that really got people in America interested in Final Fantasy and RPGs in general (largely because of the commercial for it, I’m told? That made people go “What?! There can be an actual story in a video game?! Let’s check this out!”), and certainly because of the Aerith thing. Aerith was not the first character to die in Final Fantasy. But since VII was a lot of people’s first FF–and you couldn’t bring her back; and the developers made a conscious decision to keep it that way for many reasons–this really hit gamers. And is why Aerith’s death is probably the most iconic thing in video game history. The game also did a good job of making her mean everything to you and then feel her absence, since she was your best healer and no one could really take her place after that. This game meant a lot to Sakaguchi, because he wrote it after his mother died–as he was trying to understand life and death… and why it all happens the way it does, and to find some closure there–and I think that you can feel that in the game, which is why it’s so special to so many other people, too. If you’re interested, Super Eyepatch Wolf does a great job of explaining why Final Fantasy VII is such a big deal in this video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9V68GCZ61Rc

I actually don’t hear that much about VIII anymore? I’m not sure it’s as big as a fan-favorite as it used to be, but I could be wrong.VIII is starting to turn into a black sheep of the franchise in some people’s eyes, it would seem. Mainly because the Junction battle system… is broken (though this was really no one’s fault. As I understand it, the designer behind it fell ill before the game came out and never got to finish it properly). And since some don’t like that this game is a romance between Squall and Rinoa more than anything else (some also don’t like Rinoa and think she’s a major damsel in distress in their opinion), and that Ultimecia is evil and wants time compression… for reasons? But to be fair, a lot of early Final Fantasy villains were evil just to be evil. And apparently this game is the anti-VII in some ways? As Sakaguchi or Kitase (I forget which one) said they got a lot of criticism about FFVII when it first released (which is weird to think of now, since now everyone sees FFVII as the greatest thing ever), so they decided to address those criticisms in VIII and made it the opposite of VII in many ways. But there are definitely many who are still all about VIII. Don’t get me wrong. And a lot of Kingdom Hearts fans, trying out FF for the first time, probably go to the ones with characters they know first (I know I did). So VIII is still probably touched for that reason, if not for many others as well. People still wonder if Cloud or Squall is stronger, etc. And for a while, VIII was my favorite. It’s not anymore, but it once was.

IX is the dark horse in this series that might actually win a lot of things. Most people who have played it seem to love IX–I know I do–though not everyone played it, because many were turned off by the cutesy art style at first (IX was sort of a return to basics, as it was a celebration of all the Final Fantasy games that came before it since this was the last Playstation 1 game). But this story’s a lot darker than some give it credit for… One of the darker ones, maybe. Most people who played IX actually list it as their favorite–in fact, IX was voted as the most popular FF game to Japan’s players recently–and many want this game remade, too. This is also Sakaguchi’s favorite in the series, and what he thinks Final Fantasy should be. And there’s just so much heart, fun, and love in this story (Zidane and Garnet might even be my favorite FF couple for how well they’re written). If Sakaghuchi had to leave the company, it’s probably at least nice that he left it on this note (because he was involved in X, but not as much as with this).

I think X is so popular, because this was also a “first” for many people. It was my first Final Fantasy game, in fact (and a lot of people’s in that generation). But it was the first for Playstation 2… the first with voice acting, the first where you could switch party members in battle, the first that had a direct sequel to it, etc. And many believe Tidus and Yuna is the best written romance in all of Final Fantasy, and there’s a good chance that it is. It also has one of the most tragic endings ever, that makes everyone sob when they get to it. Hey. But Final Fantasy X is just a great game, all-around (story, theme, and gameplay-wise. X, like VII, revolves around life and death and cycles). It really is. Though you still have people who hate it (as there are those who hate every single game), usually because they despise Tidus or just look at things like the laughing scene out of context. X might be my favorite Final Fantasy. A lot of the time, the first FF you played ends up being your favorite, though not always (I like it, IX, VII… and XIII and XV, God help me). Edit: And Yuna is everything good in this world. She’s always a favorite Final Fantasy heroine to everyone, for sure. And I think she actually is Japan’s favorite Final Fantasy heroine.

I can’t really talk about XI or XIV, as they’re MMOs and I don’t play those… so these are actually the FFs I know the least about, probably? But I know some think think they’re the best. Well, Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn, that is. The first version of XIV was a fucking disaster and had to be completely reworked.

Final Fantasy XII is dismissed a lot of the time (though there are those who think it’s the best example of transitioning FF to modern times, doing things that XIII and XV just didn’t think to do or even seem to think to do). Final Fantasy XII is very political, and I think that’s why it’s not talked about much: as there’s a good chance it just went over your head when you played it. I know it did for me, originally. There also really isn’t romance in it (at least not much, and you definitely see the slight romance that is there moreso in the sequel). But they definitely tried something new with this one, and if that paid off or not is up to you. But if you can understand it, the writing in this game is actually pretty genius. Final Fantasy XII was plagued with the issue that VIII had, though, where one of the key people behind it got sick at the time, so all of their ideas didn’t come to fruition. Like, originally Vaan and Penelo were supposed to be much more fleshed out than they were… that didn’t happen in FFXII itself, but did in its sequel “Revenant Wings” (which is so underrated, and the best sequel in all of FF, imo).

XIII… XIII is the black sheep of the franchise, for some reason. And I have no idea why. I loved this game and thought it was fine. More than fine, really. I swear this game wouldn’t be as hated as it is, if the Internet didn’t exist, tbh. But people despise it because it’s linear… when every Final Fantasy game before it was also linear? You were just tricked into thinking they weren’t. And sure XIII could have hidden its linearity better, but meh. People also aren’t big on there being no towns and side quests, even though story-wise it makes sense: you’re the enemy of the goddamn world, so of course you’re avoiding towns and people. People also think the game’s convoluted, but I think most FFs are. Look at FFVII, for goodness sake! And people just don’t like the characters, because they base it on how they are at the start of the game. And they’re all awful and hate each other at first, but that’s the point: because they all develop and grow into better characters, and are a family at the end of it. There are also those who despise the battle system… I’ve heard many say that if you look at this game as its own thing, it’s fantastic. But that if you look at it as a Final Fantasy game, it’s terrible… which I guess could make sense? But I also, personally, don’t see it that way? I guess I’ve just never been one of those “A Final Fantasy game has to be this way, and if it’s not then it’s not a Final Fantasy game to me and I hate it” kind of people. Because I know FF is always about reinventing itself, but whatever. But like with any Final Fantasy, there are also those who adore this one. There are always those who love one, and those who hate it. XIII was also littered with a lot of problems across development–like XV–and probably would have been even better than it was, if that hadn’t happened. Like, I think Nojima wrote the script for part of this game–or at least helped with it–but not all of it. And he’s credited for writing the scripts of most fan-favorite FF games. He also wrote the script for the end of KHI, all of KHII, and part of KHIII, apparently (many think that if Nojima came back for KH, that would fix things there, too–which I could see and maybe mostly agree with, but even he’s not perfect... He also wrote the script for Versus XIII, but not XV, which probably explains a lot. And he came back and wrote the script for FFVII again with the Remake, which is probably why it’s so great).

XV is the game that started its life as Final Fantasy Versus XIII–originally directed by Tetsuya Nomura–but soon after it became FFXV, Nomura was kicked off the project and Hajime Tabata became its new director. And Tabata, it would seem, made a lot of changes to the story (which is why Nomura’s so pissed off about it, and now trying to put his Versus XIII ideas into Kingdom Hearts). But it wasn’t really his fault. The company was breathing down his neck that this had to be the game that “saved Final Fantasy and console gaming in Japan”. And Versus XII was, apparently, the darkest game in the entire Final Fantasy franchise (and it was going to be rated “M”, as opposed to FF games usually being rated “T”), which is why it wasn’t a numbered title originally. So I can get why Tabata probably thought he had to change it to make it moreso appeal to the masses, or was probably even told to do so. I think FFXV is a good game. I do (as do many. XV was actually a lot of Nomura lovers’ first FF game, for obvious reasons). It’s still one of my favorites… for some reason. But the main issue with this game–especially at launch; it’s somewhat better now–is that it was not a complete story, and there were so many holes in it. And you can just tell that this story was rewritten again and again and again. And important plot things are just not told to the player… probably because the developers thought the player knew, because they surely had told them in earlier drafts. But I can still feel what this game was going for, and the heart of it, which is why I like it, I guess. It’s actually a pretty hot debate–of which game is better in people’s eyes: this one or XIII–and I can get both sides of the argument. I like both. And as I’ve said above… as there’s always a camp that loves and hates every Final Fantasy game, there are those who despise XV: for they see how messy its story was… or don’t like the gameplay (as it probably is the most removed from how FF games usually play) or the setting… and some even weren’t big on how dark this game still was, and didn’t think it felt like a FF to them for that reason.

Yep.

And if you actually got to this point, I thank you… and I’m also sorry for all of this.

Edit: I should also probably mention that originally, most Final Fantasy games had medieval settings (and for this reason, there are those who think all FF games should be this). But they sort of moved away from that with VII and VIII. And since VII is the majority’s favorite, there are those who are more than okay with FF not being medieval. So to keep both camps happy, these days you usually have a few games that are medieval (back to basics) and then a few that aren’t. Rinse and repeat. Since XIII and XV weren’t medieval, that probably means XVI will be. And if the “Agni’s Philosophy” trailers are secretly FFXVI, like some think, that definitely looks medieval. And there was maybe some FFXVI artwork leaked recently, that looks medieval. And many are thinking the director of Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn will be directing XVI–he’s said he’d be willing to do it–and I know he’s said he’d want to turn Final Fantasy to medieval, if he were to do a XVI. So, yeah…

Edit 2: And back to the “FF died when Squaresoft became Square Enix and Sakaguchi left the company” camp, another reason some feel this way is Uematsu. If I recall correctly, he composed all the music for I-IX–and I think did the “To Zanarkand” track for X–but I think he also left the company after IX. So his departure is another reason some think the series truly died then. -shrugs-

#and I think most people are just meh about I ii iii and iv. at least that I've seen #I mean I'm sure you'll find SOME who think they're the best ones. but most people don't seem to feel that way

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naomigoeswoah · 7 years

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ANTI MALIA/SCALIA

I think everyone has a right to like and dislike characters, as a writer I sympathize with like everyone so it's hard for me to dislike a character so passionately.

I've just seen so much Scalia/Malia hate, more Malia hate than anything, and I'm trying to figure out why that is.

When Malia was introduced I was impartial, when Stalia happened I was like hell no, and I didn't like Malia for the simple fact that she was barely given screen time before heading into a romance with a main character in the most delusional/unhealthy (from a writer's standpoint aka mine). I saw the #AntiMalia posts and all I could think was I don't like her but that's way too far. They really don't have anything better to do with their time?

When season 5 came along and Malia actually got real serious development instead of being a comic relief I took notice. I appreciated what she was going through, I connected with her character. After her Tracey and Theo car ride moment I knew that I really liked this character and that there was no reason to hold the writer's piss poor job of her entry and relationship with Stiles against her.

I may be one of the only people on this world that didn't ship Scallison and Scira. Scallison was wayyyyyy too rushed. The first episode? Come on dude. I didn't get a choice if I wanted to see those two together the show said these two are going to be together, here you go, figure it out along the way. Scira was better for me because they had time to develop a friendship before but I have so many issues with Scira.

So I've never really successfully shipped anyone with Scott, which made me kinda sad over the seasons, it was always Stiles I was shipping people with. I DO NOT SHIP MALEO.

Once I realized how much I loved Scott and Malia as characters on their own without being romantically linked to anybody else I was more okay with the idea of them getting together. At first, like a lot of people I was weirded out because of Stiles BUT STILES DID THE SAME THING WITH LYDIA SO THERE SHOULDN'T BE A DOUBLE STANDARD.

By the rules of the show, which I don't recommend going off of lol, Scott and Malia can totally get together because we've seen it happen without any drama with Stydia. HONESTLY WHY PEOPLE ARE SHOCKED BY THIS IS A MYSTERY TO ME LIKE HAVE YOU NOT SEEN A SINGLE EPISODE OF ANY TEEN DRAMA WHERE THEY ALL DATE EACH OTHER MULTIPLE TIMES?!

I digress, my point is that most you only hate the idea of Scalia because of three reasons. You hate Malia for reasons people don't like to share. Saying you hate because there's something about her is a BULLSHIT argument. If you can't give episodes or specific details why look at yourself and ask why are you being malicious. Or you ship Scira. I get it. I would be salty too. BUT WE ALL KNOW KIRA ISN'T COMING BACK. STOP USING KIRA AS AN EXCUSE FOR YOUR HATE FOR THE SHIP. ARDEN MADE THE GOODBYE VIDEO LAST SEASON, LAST YEAR, YOU HAVE NO REASON TO BELIEVE SCIRA WILL BE TOGETHER OR GET MORE SCREEN TIME. IF THEY DIDN'T BREAK UP ON AIR HOPEFULLY THE WRITERS WILL EXPLAIN IT. KIRA WILL BE GONE FOR WHO KNOWS HOW LONG YOU CAN'T EXPECT SCOTT TO WAIT FOR SOMEONE THAT MAY NEVER COME HOME IN HIS LIFETIME. Or you have the mindset that Scott and Malia are the only two left single so they shouldn't be together just because that/boys and girls can be friends and nothing more.

GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH THAT. If you think Scalia is happening soley because there the only ones left you haven't been paying attention or reading context clues. Posey and Shelley are really great friends which is why Scalia works and has a standing ground. Scalia is developed in much the same way. They have a BASIS OF FRIENDSHIP FIRST. They're both loyal to each other, protect each other, and kick ass together. They're iconic. And I still don't understand why people hate the friends into something more trope. That's a great trope. Just falling into a romance without being friends with a person is the trope I hate. BUILD THAT FRIENDSHIP YALL! MAJOR KEY ALERT.

AND IF YOU HAVEN'T EVEN WATCHED ANY PENNIG/SCALIA FAN VIDS I SUGGEST YOU CHECK OUT MY EXTENSIVE PLAYLIST OF BOTH SO YOU CAN SEE THAT SCALIA HAS BEEN DEVELOPED A LOT AND THE MORE YOU THINK ABOUT HOW WELL THEY'RE SUITED FOR EACH OTHER HOPEFULLY YOU CAN BE HAPPY THAT THESE TWO CHARACTERS THAT HAVE BEEN HANDED SHITTY ROMANCE LIVES ARE GOING TO BE HAPPY TOGETHER:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5dcfVp5UBU&list=PLBtjQJj3LJqtVgDDembnysfOs1GCEQQKs

I MEAN, LIKE YOU CAN SEE THAT THEY'VE HAD THAT TUNNEL SCENE AND THE ONE IN DEATON'S OFFICE, AND THE PORCH SCENE, AND ALL OF 6A!!! I suggest watching the Pennig vids first(Home, Soldier, and the This or That vids and the cutest upbeat scalia vid is And Your Smile Shining Bright)

PLEASE JUST GIVE THE VIDEOS A CHANCE, GIVE THE IDEA OF THEM BEING HAPPY A CHANCE BEFORE YOU WRITE THEM OFF. This vids at the beginning are a little AUey and are more manipued that the older ones because I made the playlist and they came out before 6a was released, the further you go down the list the more actual scalia scenes are used. I doubt any of us would be happy that Scott got a random new love interest for the last ten episodes that we know nothing about or care about and that wouldn't be in all ten episodes.

And lastly, Scott turned Malia human again. We all know that. If there hadn't been Scira or residual Scallison do you think you would've shipped Scalia then? I was blind to it until after 5b. He changed her back, she protected him from the Berserkers, from Enis at the hospital, he took care of her when she was drunk, helped with the Desert Wolf/Belasko talons, he told her he was still there for her after the Stalia breakup, if Peter hadn't bitten Scott none of this would've happened and obviously Peter's her dad. Like can yall see the lines here? And all this doesn't mean they have to be together, but if you really look at them and watch Shelley and Tyler together and Scott and Malia then hopefully you'll see what the rest of us see. Two amazing people that have come so far that care for each other they just so happen to figure out how much at the same time. :D

I LIED. LASTLY, PENNIG BITCHES!!!!! OHHH MY GOOOOOOD! THEY ARE LIKE LITERALLY SO IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER, TYLER MORE SO PROBABLY BUT IT'S SO OBVIOUS. THEY'RE SOCIAL MEDIA GIVES ME HEART PALPITATIONS. SHELLEY IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND SO FUNNY! LIKE PENNIG HAS PHOTOSETS OF THEM POOPING, EATING PIZZA, AND JUST BEING WEIRD AF. "I could eat you" Come on, if Shelley didn't have a boyfriend I think Posey would be on that like white on rice. To be fair, I think he already is kinda. It's so obvious he's head over heels for Shelley.

BITCH I LIED AGAIN. Lastly, at the very least, the idea of them is adorable. Take out Stiles for a second. If it was just Scott had turned her back and she eventually found her way to the pack but Scira still happened and ended, the idea of them wouldn't be so yuck to some of yall I would think. He's good to her. She needs that after her first relationship that wasn't great in my opinion, but also wasn't as bad as some stydias like to say. I say stalia is all wrong from a writing standpoint not a shipping standpoint. He "tames" her in some ways when she was still learning and she could bring out a wilder side in him. Hu Anita's King and Lionheart Scalia vid on that playlist showcased them perfectly. Like Scott's the King and Malia is his Lionheart. Iconic Duo.

#scalia #scolia #antiscalia #anti scalia #Scott McCall #malia tate #anti malia #teenwolf #shelley hennig #Tyler Posey #shelley and tyler #pennig #posennig #endgame #scott x malia

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writingsblog · 8 years

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So This is Life

There are so many things that I want to say right now with regards to the condition of this blog and I feel that if I were to strive for the eloquence I've perpetually held myself to in the past then there would be small bits and pieces of these feelings left unaccounted for so, to the reader of this blog in its current state, I issue you an apology but also a promise. That sounded so fucking headass but like I said, we’re throwing eloquence out the window for this one.

So it seems pretty irresponsible to revisit this blog after abandoning it for months at a time, specifically on the advent of the New Year. I mean this period of time is like the valley of broken promises titled “New Year’s resolutions”. You know, going to the gym, spending less, having better habits. Even I have fallen into such a valley, but instead of partaking in such a grandiose task as exercising regularly (I mean really. I can barely sleep regularly. I would love to be one of those people who have enough structure in their lives to work toward physical fitness but at this point in time it is just not realistic) I've begun actively using an agenda. What has failed me in the past is that I would buy some cheap agenda and just never use it, so this year I stepped it up and bought myself a Moleskin agenda: 22$. Twenty-two fucking dollars like do you KNOW how much chipotle I could have bought with that money??? I’m talking MULTIPLE double meat bowls... WITH GUAC!!! Anyways my philosophy was that the most successful people in my life use agendas to keep up with their lives, and not just like google calendars but like physical agendas, and I wanted to emulate that in hopes of attaining their same levels of success. Given that agendas have failed to become a recurring facet of my life, I chose to buy an expensive agenda I guess to justify its use? Or I guess I just bought it so I would feel bad about not using it. Two weeks into the new year and though I forget to write things down here and there, I am using it, which is more to say about any agenda habit I have had in years.

Secondly, the state of this blog. Holy fuck. To put it simply, I have had a tumultuous past year. Like it was fucked up. For multiple different reasons. Like it was just like the pillars of adulthood were crumbling onto me all at once, month after month, week after week and I was tired. Physically and emotionally exhausted and drained. The summer was better but to say it was a saving grace from the academic year of torture would be to try and sugar coat a landfill. But in the past few months, I feel that I am better. I want to write about it; like I definitely do and I definitely will. Maybe I'll go full detail and maybe I won’t. tl;dr Coming out to my mother and also being the victim of an HIV scare literally killed my emotions, and OF COURSE on top of that I was fucking caught up in my sad gay feelings over a boy and I let them consume me body and soul until I was able to overcome it. And overcome it I have. It’s like, when you’re in this well of sadness and stress and turmoil and then one day you aren’t anymore. And it’s weird. And it’s just like... great as well too? I can describe it, just not now. The best I can do for the current moment is talk about it as how I felt about the absence of such strain in my life: But now what?...

Anyways, the new year has arrived. I mean it’s been here for the past what, *hovers mouse to the top of my MacBook* 9 days? And I'm here too. This blog is one of the most sentimental pieces of work I have to my name. I don’t show it the appreciation it deserves, but it and I have the most appreciative relationship for each other, similar to low-commitment friendships. You know, the ones where you don’t need to be in contact with each other every single day but when you do reunite it’s nothing but love and support and you hit it off where things left off. This is exactly how I feel with this blog. It’s like an old friend of mine who doesn’t mind that I ignore them for months on end only to come back when I need something or when I’m sad.

But yeah, into the new year. I want to write more. I've been reading more and amassing a collection of literature I will want to work on reading in my spare time. I would joke about my lack of spare time but if I have time to lurk Reddit and Youtube for hours in a depressive angst, I have time to read. And I definitely will have time to write. I will find time to write even. I want to reunite with the joy it used to bring me. So many emotions I've left uncaptured only to record the climaxes of depression, anxiety, and stress.

I want this to be anything but ephemeral. That’s my goal for this year with regards to this blog. The avoidance of ephemerality and the introduction of consistency through writing and reading.

So, to the reader of this post. First of all, thank you if you actually got all the way through this. If this is your first time here I welcome you to the shit show that has been posted here in an emotional depressive angst I call the past year. I promise that within this year I will give this blog the attention it deserves.

I'm working on myself a lot. I think I may have written this here before but the distance between my present and future tense is this lifelong race I'm working on finishing. And maybe I won’t ever finish it, but I'm sure I will learn things along that track to make the escape of such a finish line something i can deal with.

I watched this video awhile ago and Hari Neff was in it. She said this really eloquent quote that sounded like something out of my upper-level gender studies course, but it really resonated with me, hold on lemme grab it from Youtube okay?

Okay so in that video, she said "[T]he next chapter is figuring out what that hyper-idealized self means in the context of the community, because things won't change if people collapse in on themselves." If you want to watch the video, I'll link it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rJk7dsV_5M

Nnyways, my response to that quote is... well fuck. I'm still trying to figure out what that hyper-idealized self is with regards to me even, let alone the community. I want to write about gender too. I want to write about so much. And all of the things to come that can be spoken about here feel liberating and exciting to me and kind of give me some energy to persevere through day-to-day life.

So it’s 4:38 am on a Monday morning. This post is long enough. To the reader, thank you for being. And to myself, (when I read this over), thanks for being as well, because you (current you reading this) and me (past you writing this) both understand the weight of being from time to time, that Milan Kundera calls “the unbearable lightness of being”. (which I’ll be reading soon enough! Just ordered it! Ahh!!!!!)

So yeah. What’s up 2017? I’m Khang. This is the reinstating of my presence on this blog and the revision of myself through the artistic form of words. I'm glad to meet you and hope to grow fond and comfortable with you (despite the current state of world and personal affairs).

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