#I've been listening to the OG album while i wrote this tho and i forgot just how fire it really was

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

I was sold to Wolfe, this is my story (a shitty Witcher 1D AU)

I mean we all need a little nostalgia nowadays right? and its fun making fun of ourselves?!

Summary: Jaskier gets sold to Wolfe, his favorite boy band, in typical One Direction fan fic style. 

Warnings: Yeah all of them. The fuck was I thinking? This is just awful but i giggled the whole time i wrote it😂😂

In keeping with the spirit of shitty old 1D fic, I didn’t edit this AT ALL. I cannot stress enough how much I tried to revert back to 13 year old Regan with an unidentified need to be dominated projecting onto this type of fic 😖🤣

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 I was a normal teen boy. Everything in my life was typical. Parents’ house, school was boring, a small group of catty girlfriends that probably only kept me around as the token gay, everything. I was even into the major boy band at the time, Wolfe. I mean was I supposed to resist? They were all so pretty, and talented, and the front man, Geralt. Wow. Just wow. I had probably fifty posters of him alone all over the walls of my room. Typical, boring, normal.

Until that morning. 

I, Jullian ‘Jaskier’ Alfred Pankratz (pretentious I know), woke up like any other day. Showered, blow dried my hair to softly lay over my forehead, dressed in my favorite outfit of red skinny jeans and a blue and white horizontal striped top, and smudged the brown coal I stole from my sister around my eyes, I was ready for school. When I got downstairs though, things were… off. 

“There you are! Jullian! Come here.” My mother seemed frazzled, but I was more concerned with the intimidating man standing in our kitchen doorway, munching on an Eggo waffle. 

Mom took me aside into the living room and sat me down at the sofa, “I have something to tell you.”

“Mom, what? Who is that? He looks familiar?”

“Vessimir. Wolfe’s management. You’re going with him.”

My mind screeched to a halt. Ves? He looked different in real life. I guess it’s just because I’m not distracted by the boys in the pictures with him. Wait? What?

“I’m… where am I going?!”

My mother took my hand and squeezed it gently, “We had to cover the mortgage somehow honey, and your father is already working so hard and Josie just can’t stop school suddenly, you know how much she struggles. You’re smart, you’ll be fine. We sold you to Wolfe.”

I didn’t know how to feel. Sold? Bad. I didn’t like being given up by my parents sure. But to Wolfe? The obsession that took up literally all of my free time? The hottest boys I’d ever seen? That gave off the strongest bi vibes I’d ever picked up? Bought me? I could live with that. 

I smiled hesitantly, “Okay mom.... Okay.”

She leads me back to Ves in the kitchen who introduced himself and lead me out to a long white limo.

“But my stuff?”

Ves just laughed, “The boys want to choose your wardrobe. You won’t need it.”

The inside of the limo was everything you see in the movies, bottles of champagne, fancy leather seats, gold plated knobs and handles, everything. I was in too much of a state of shock to enjoy it though. 

By the time we arrived to a gated drive and big mansion my palms were sweaty and I was worried my eyeliner would be running. Ves opened the door and helped me out, leading me up the front steps and into a big beautiful foyer. I could get used to living in the palace they shot Princess Diaries in. 

“BOYS! IM BACK!” Ves grinned and hid me behind a curtain, “Let’s trick them, yeah?”

I heard the skidding of sneakers and could identify each voice muttering to each other in excitement.

“The fuck? Alone?” Lambert. Definitely Lambert. 

“Mom backed out,” Ves explained, not quite selling it well enough.

“Ves. Stop. You said she already signed.” Eskel sounded disappointed and it made me even more nervous if that was even possible. 

Then, suddenly, the curtain I was hiding behind was pulled away, and standing tantalizingly close, was Geralt. He grinned and called back over his shoulder to the others without breaking eye contact with me, pinning me to the floor with those golden eyes, “Found him!”

His voice, goddamn. I had a little thought about how I should try to play it cool, but he was just so pretty and I was putty in his hands without him even having to try. 

He stepped back, holding his hand out to motion where he wanted me to go, “You’re a cheeky one, aren’t you?”

I nodded, not sure how to form words anymore, just trying not to trip over my own feet as he lead me over the meet everyone. He rested his hand on the small of my back and whispered so only I could hear, “Relax, we don’t actually bite.”

I squeaked instead of saying anything but took it as a win, that much closer to being able to say anything. 

Lambert shook my hand, “What’s your name? You’re a cutie.”

I blushed furiously and whispered my answer, “Jullian, but my friends call me Jaskier.”

Eskel took my hand and kissed it, bowing like a noble knight, “Pleased to meet you Jaskier.”

I only realized I wasn’t breathing when Geralt pulled me into his side, “I think he’s in shock.” 

I nodded, “That and Ves ate my breakfast.”

All three of them shot him an exasperated look, but he only shrugged. 

“Well then,” Geralt began, leading me through the halls, the others following behind us, “... let’s get you something to eat then give you the tour?”

He still hadn’t let go of my waist and I sure as hell wasn’t going to complain, leaning into it as we walked. 

Eskel jogged up next to us and laced his fingers through mine, “No fair Geralt, don’t hog the pretty boy.”

Lambert hung back, “I don’t know, this is a pretty good view.”

I squeaked again and leaned closer into Geralt who turned around to scold his band-mate, “At least try to be decent. Let him get settled before you act like a perv.”

I grinned up at him. “Is that what you’re doing?”

Geralt looked down at me with those beautiful golden orbs and I melted, “Hmmmmm”