#I've been posting so much because i'm quarantining since two of my close friends got covid | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

trenchcoatsbi · 1 year

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ON A DIFFERENT NOTE I WAS JUST POKING AROUND AND SAW THAT MOD PHIL LISTENS TO BUG HUNTER? man us philza kins all share a musical braincell i guess because holy fuck i don’t think i’ve ever run into anyone else who listens to his stuff! i’m gonna have to politely ask you to hand over more recommendations for music because you’ve got TASTE. -🌾🪶

ARNJS i am staring at you soo hard I know like two other bug hunter fans and theyre fans because I commandeered the music bot and insisted on playing all of his songs during a music vc night... Anyway we are slaying so hard rn. us phils just have the best music taste 😎

OKAY anyway this took forever cause I tried to narrow down my list but ajfanfdk I listen to a lot of stuff. god there's so much music i enjoy that I could go on forever about random songs and stuff so uh yeah... I banished my bs to under a cut for the sake of not making a post that is annoying to scroll past. enjoy whatevr i did -za

Mickey Darling!! RAHGjsA a lot of his songs are like about breakups but they're all very upbeat and fun despite the lyrics. Honestly its so funny to me I literally found him because of a fanfic that used lyrics from say that you miss me (which like god yeah the author got me... it was extremely right for the character they used it for i know cause they're literally me). you were perfect & im so sorry is vry good and also I've had somewhere else stuck in my head since it came out...

Jukebox the Ghost. okay okay they just never miss! i adore like everything they've made but uhmmm I think the cheers album is my favorite still right now like dont get me wrong i love everything they've made but ajldnf how can I not like cheers. Brass Band and I Got A Girl are so good. I will say uh shout out to It's No Secret cause its inspired several pieces of self indulgent ship art I've made.

Streetlight Manifesto... The Hands that Thieve got me out of one of my weirdest music eras. I mean it's ska punk it's not too far from the uh protest songs I was listening too, but ska was more palatable than most of the shit that I was really into for a bit. Anyway listen to If Only For Memories too its good.

LyreLeTemps! god okay so i like electroswing a lot and ashutjak just fuck man Time Train is extremely mecore when it comes to a specific kin. A lot of the music i listen to gets shifted around depending to my shifts lol. Also listen to Nanana it's a close second for my favorite song by them other than Time Train

Groundbreaking, god i've listened to this guy for so long... I think all his music is great but the Anarchy I & II are my little guys I listen to them all the time still. They practically got me through quarantine... Uhm if I had to recommend a specific songs instead of just saying listen to the Anarchy Albums maybe VIP and Beautiful people. Those two were my favorites but jsut to get somthing from anarchy listed too uhm anarchy or media star

The Wrecks god another band I listened to a lot during quarantine... Fvck Somebody and Panic Vertigo are my #1s forever but I really like their new music too. Unrequited and Sonder came out at such a good time for me, unfortunately that means I have like four writings wips that have titles that are just the lyrics of those songs...

Air Traffic Controller is another band that made quarantine bearable for me god why have the last three just been quarantine time killers. Anyway I listen to Creature of the Night a lot because I love being thematic with my music when I pull all nighters. Uhhhh other than that Anybody got a light has quickly become one of my favorites from them too

Atarashii Gakko!! This is the only non english band I'm actively a fan of rn. My friends are like big into like Kpop and I'm more of a cpop or jpop guy but like even then I almost never find a band and get super invested. but raghg the choreography and vocals just everything really scratches my brain. I really like watching their dance practices idk its just so fascinating to me. uhm okay uh Fantastico and NAINAINAI yeah those i recommend them :]

AND because I cant help myself here's some things I wanted to talk about but uh 90% of it would just be me keyboard slamming cause I cannot articulate my enjoyment of them

Circa Waves: Your Ghost & Golden Days

Good Kid: Mimi's Delivery Service

Saint Motel: Sweet Talk & Slow Dance

Rare Americans: Walking N Talkin

Burn the Ballroom: Calm Down & Crazy

Bear Ghost: Haunt the Cartoon Heart & Sirens

Andie Schoen: the prophet (you love me) & loitering

The Happy Fits: In the Lobby & So Alright, Cool, Whatever

Hobo Johnson: Peach Scone & February 15th

#phil posts #sbi asks #🌾🪶 anon #thnk you for the opprotunity to say absolutely nothing about some of my favorite musicians <3 #i mean i said things but like 99% of my recommendations are just me going: hmmm i like them :]

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lsholland · 3 years

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London Lights (pt. 1) - Tom Holland

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader (1st person)

Genre: Party!Tom

Warnings: swearing; alcohol; nothing much but I don’t recommend -18 to read.

Word count: 1.9k

Author’s note: Hey guys! That’s my first story on this blog. I hope you’ll like it. I’m not native so there may be a few mistakes. I’m trying a new genre of fiction. It’s my first Tom Holland fiction. It’ll be a series of 2-3 chapters. If you want to be part of the master list for Tom please like this post and message me.

Synopsis: Quarantine has been tough. I’ve lost my boyfriend, and I’m feeling lonely. Clubs and restaurants are open again, but I feel like it’ll never be like it used to. My friends have been pushing me to install Tinder and go on dates. Well, tonight, I’m going on a date. I don’t really want to but I’m going to try and have fun for once. Just a few drinks and I’ll go home. What else could happen?

PS. You can read the story on Wattpad.

What am I doing here? I think to myself.

I matched with this guy on this famous dating app . . . And now I'm supposed to meet him here, at this bar. But I don't want to. I'm just hoping he won't show up so I can escape from this shit-place.

I've been seated at the table for a good 5 minutes. The waitress cleans up the table next to mine and asks if I'm ready to order.

No, I want to leave.

I quickly glance at the drinks menu.

"Ehm . . . A pour over Irish coffee, please."

She nods and leaves. I don't even know what I just ordered. I hope it tastes good. Hopefully it'll make me drunk enough not to remember this awful date.

It hasn't even started yet.

I'm sweating.

"Hey there" says a husky voice right behind me.

I turn around and see my date. His name is Jordan. He's good-looking and I bet he's intelligent, but I don't have this feeling with him. I don't know why I accepted to go on a date in the first place. It's awkward.

"Hey!" I grin.

"Have you ordered something already?" he asks, touching his short, clean beard. "I'm thirsty!"

He looks nice.

The waitress hands me my third drink. They help the clock tick a little faster.

He's been talking about his job, his passions. He loves football and practises daily. He has 2 sisters and lives in Camberwell.

Cute.

For a moment, I feel sad for him. He drove all the way to this East London bar, put effort trying to look nice and being cool . . . and yet, he doesn't know it but he has no chance to get lucky tonight. Not with me.

I shouldn't be sorry.

But I am.

I glance around looking for something that might be a little more entertaining than him. I realise I've avoided eye contact since he arrived. I finally glimpse at him. He has beautiful hazel eyes.

Still not enough.

I quickly check my phone. It's getting late. I don't know how to end this.

"Look," I slightly bend over the table. "I'm so sorry but I don't feel like it tonight"

"I noticed." He smirked. "Kinda awkward, innit?"

I chuckle. I am so embarrassed.

"It's okay, though." He added. "I'm just trying to meet new people. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend a few weeks ago. My mates told me I should try these apps."

Okay, now I feel worse than ever. He's been so nice with me and that's how I treat him. I grab my drink and gulp it down.

I shouldn't have done this.

"Let's go dance. I owe you one." I say as I grab his hand and walk towards the dancing area. It becomes difficult to keep my head straight.

I'm drunk, I must admit.

I'm going to regret it, my sober-self shouts in my head.

I don't care is what I reply.

The dancing area is not crowded, but there are already a few people. Most of them are girls.

Girls . . . I wish my friends were not so busy all the time. I would've come to this bar with them instead of wasting my time with strangers.

I start dancing. I stare at him. He looks amused.

A group of guys join the dancefloor and all the girls on my right start screaming. It's so high pitched I cringe.

"What the fuck guys?" I shout, trying to focus on the music.

"Woah, that's Spider-Man!" says my date. He grabs my chin and makes me look in his direction.

No way, I think. It's actually him.

I know he lives in the area, but I've never met him before. It's always weird to see movie stars in real life. They look so much more attractive.

He is so much more attractive.

I try not to be a drunk fangirl and shyly wave to him. He doesn't notice.

"You wanna go and take a picture with him?" my date asks.

"Oh, no, no!" I answer. I'm blushing. "I don't even know what I'd tell him."

He laughs.

The worst thing that could happen is to annoy him during a night out. He needs privacy and I must respect it.

But it's so difficult.

I can't stop staring at him. I don't even control it. Being drunk doesn't help.

"D'you want a beer?" I ask my date whose name I completely forgot.

He nods.

I weave my way through the crowd. I can't believe there are so many people on the dancefloor. The area is so busy since the Spider-Man actor walked in.

Even the bar area is crowded.

I let my body rest against a barstool but quickly lose balance and almost fall on the dirty floor. The flickering lights are making me feel dizzy. I grip the counter and get up. I peer around to make sure nobody saw me.

He did.

I dust off my dress trying to save the dignity I have left.

"Want something?" someone asks behind me. I turn around, it's the barman.

"Two pints of Guinness, please."

I glance back at the same spot, but he's gone. It must've been a dream. I'm so drunk I can't trust everything I think I see.

I'm grabbing both my drinks and look around trying to find my date, but there are too many people. I take a sip of my beer and hold the other one above my head.

Someone hits my arm.

Oh no.

"Oh my God I'm so sorry!" yells the drunk blond girl.

I look at my dress. It's soaking wet. I politely smile at her. "It's okay," I mouth.

What a mess. I glance at the lavatory door. I need to go and save my dress.

"You haven't been lucky here."

I turn around to find out who's talking to me.

It's him. Tom Holland. Talking to me.

"What?" is all I manage to say.

"Do you need a hand?" he politely asks.

I blush so much it's noticeable in the dark.

I'm choking. I'm panicking.

I give him my two beers and walk towards the lavatory. I'm surely starstruck. And drunk. This isn't a good mix.

Once in the room, I grab a handful of tissues and try to soak up my dress. I groan. Did I expect to make that beer mark disappear? Yes. Did it work? Of course not.

I watch my face in the mirror.

I look like shit, I think.

A door slams shut. Two young girls just walked in.

"OH, MY G—THAT'S TOM HOLLAND!" shouts one. They are both panting.

I roll my eyes.

Oh . . . I've given him my beers. What about my date?

"Shit!" I hiss.

I violently open the door and frown my eyebrows as the lights blind me.

He's just here gazing at me. Two beers in his hands. One of them is half empty, the rest being displayed on my dress.

"I'm so sorry!" I say embarrassed as ever.

He smirks. "No worries." He hands me the full glass of beer.

I give him a questioning look as I grab it. What about the other one? Oh, right—He's drinking it.

"What's your na—"

I stop him.

"I know who you are." I peer down. "I'm sorry I didn't wanna disturb you" I say as I'm walking away.

This time I'm smart enough to avoid the crowd on my way out.

"That's rude to leave without saying goodbye!" Tom shouts from a distance.

I turn around and stare at him. He's got a soft smile; he doesn't look drunk at all. I wave him goodbye.

Now, he's approaching me.

"I meant to your boyfriend" he nods in the direction of my date who was dancing with a group of other people.

"He's not my—" is all I can say before he chuckles.

"I figured."

"How?" I clench my jaw. I'm hypnotised by his hand running through his hair. And his smile. And his lips.

"I can barely hear you," he points at a booth in the corner of the room "maybe we could sit there" he suggests.

My mouth softens into a smile.

It's difficult to walk with Tom Holland. Every couple of seconds he's stopped by fans requesting a picture. And he accepts every time.

I'd never be so patient.

"What's that?" he asks.

"It must be so annoying sometimes." I tell him as I sit on the booth.

"When they're nice and ask me, it's cool." He chooses to sit next to me. I can feel his arm touching mine. My heart is racing. He uses his other arm to hold his chin; he looks at me with so much intensity. Sometimes peering down my lips.

His face is so close, but he keeps talking. I can feel his breath on my skin. I'm going to burst into flames. "But when they're taking pictures without asking first, that's delicate."

I nod. I can't really listen to what he's talking about. I'm trying not to lose control.

"So, what's your name?"

He smiles when I tell him. "Why did you leave your date alone?" he asks.

I'm so nervous I stutter. I can't find my words. "I . . . I wasn't in the mood. He knows it. I shouldn't have come here."

"I'm happy you came." He says looking me in the eyes.

I raise my eyebrows. "Are you flirting with me?"

He barks out a laugh and breaks the eye contact. He rests his head on the wall behind us.

He isn't as confident as I thought he'd be. I don't know what's up with him, but I enjoy it.

I suddenly remember he's a movie star. He's always being watched. I glance at the crowd and see flashing lights. They're taking pictures of us.

I'm getting dizzier.

I don't want to see my face on a dumb article talking about Tom Holland's mysterious partner. I don't even know him.

"This is stupid" I mumble.

Tom is intrigued. He hasn't got a clue what I'm talking about. He hasn't even noticed the fans stalking him.

"I'm sorry, I gotta go" I abruptly say as I stand up. "Have a good night."

I grab my phone and leave the venue. I'm upset because I really wish I could've met him in a different context. I open my Uber app: there's no driver available.

Shit.

How's that even possible on a Friday night? In London?

I refresh the app, but it doesn't work. I guess I'll have to walk home.

A part of me wants to go back in this bar and spend time with Tom. He's sweet and I'm sure we would've had so much fun together. I glance through the window trying to see his face one last time, but I can't find him.

"What are you looking for?"

I cringe.

"Oh, sorry I didn't mean to startle you."

It's him. It's Tom.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"Going home too. The fun of the party is leaving . . ." he sighs. I smile back at him. I'm embarrassed.

I stand in front of him, none of us say a word. It's awkward. I'm getting anxious and walk away. I'm so overwhelmed.

He grabs my shoulder. "Wait, are you walking home?"

"Yeah, it's okay don't worry." I smile.

"I can drive you home."

"Sorry, but you've been drinking. I won't let you drive me." I curtly say.

He grins. He looks at one of his mates and nods.

"No way I'm letting you walk home alone," he sighs "besides, you're drunk."

"Come with me then" I instantly reply without thinking.

He nods.

What?

He's coming with me. My heart is racing. I won't survive a 30-minute drunk walk with him.

Not with his beautiful glossy eyes staring at me.

Not with my burning desire to kiss him.

#tom holland #London lights fic #Tom Holland one shot #tom holland fiction #Tom Holland imagine #Tom Holland x reader

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agustdiv1ne · 4 years

Text

thank you + milestone!!

damn, never thought we'd get here, did we?

in all honesty, it's been a pretty shit year. march 'til now has felt like the same month on repeat with tiny tweaks to make it all so much worse. but i'm not here to complain about the worst parts of this year, i'm here to celebrate the best ones.

this was the year that i finally started writing, that i was finally spurred to open a google doc and just type away until a tiny work of fiction stared back at me. my first one was 1k words, a rant to get all of my emotions off of my chest with an idol as my muse. it felt...great, though it also felt a bit odd writing after being an avid reader for years. i always did prefer essays to creative writing, but this year definitely changed that perspective.

i wrote that first blurb along with another fic in late july, and in early august, i asked my friends if i should post them. om august 3rd, i changed this blog from a fic rec to a fic writing blog just like that. i regret none of it.

it's been nearly five months since i revamped this blog and i couldn't be more grateful for the support i have gotten from all of you, whether it be a kind comment, a like, a reblog, all of it. i never thought anyone would like my content, but i've been proven severely wrong by this community. from my irls that are on here, to my lovely mutuals and followers, to those i've talked to a lil bit on this hellsite, to the writers whose fics i absolutely adore, to those who have left a like or a comment on one of my fics, i want to say thank you from the very bottom of my heart ♡

have a happy and healthy new year! i love and appreciate every single one of you!!

though i'm painfully bad at writing letters and getting all sappy, i wanted to write them anyways hahaha let's goooo

to @hwaddict:

my irl best friend!! my partner in crime!!!! i love you sm carly, and there are not enough words in this world for me to describe the extent of my love. you have been there for me during my lowest moments, you've seen me cry, and i don't cry in front of many ppl. i trust you with my life and i'm so glad that we became friends back in middle school bc you are one reasons that spur me to keep going. i can't wait to see where life takes us and know that while i might not always be able to be there physically (especially with college right around the corner), i will always be there for you in any way i can be. again i love you and i can't wait to conquer next year with you ♡♡

to @hopejanaee:

hope!! hobi!!! one of my irls! though we just became friends earlier this year, it feels like we've been friends for ages. it's crazy how close we grew so quickly but i am so grateful to have you in my life. you never fail to make me laugh whenever we're together and you're so chaotic but in such a good way hahaha. you were the one who got me into writing with your own wonderful fics so thank yoi for that. i'm so happy that we became friends because you're so kind and caring and ahhhhhh i love u sm ♡

to @oikawasmilkbread:

we talked for like 0.2 seconds but you are so kind and hella cool!! it was nice having random conversations with you and i'm so glad you randomly dmed me bc i am shy and i have 0 idea how to start conversations with anyone lmao. i always smile when i see you in my notifs! i hope you have a happy new year!!! ♡

to @luthenia:

i know you're on hiatus but seeing you in my notifs always excites me hahaha. we never talk but you are so supportive of everyone in this community and i just wanted to shout you out for that! your memes are top tier LMAO and i can't wait for when you come back, happy new year ♡

to @starsforten:

we also talked for approximately 1 second but it was so fun talking to you about astrology stuff (virgo sun libra rising gang hahahaha) and those teuta matoshi dresses! you are so nice and easy to talk to and i hope your new year is happy and fruitful! ♡

i recommend every single one of these blogs for their amazing content!! i added some of my favorite fics as i'm a whore for great writing hahaaaa

@kinktae

waterloo — a masterpiece! taehyung is so bitter at the beginning and it's adorable seeing how y/n breaks his tough shell. loved this from beginning to the end ♡

hot rod — the 50s slang, the dynamic between hoseok and y/n...*chef's kiss*

@untaemedqueen

welcome to seoul land — werewolf!namjoon really got me going, 100/10 would recommend

graceful gods — this is one of my all-time favorites, greek god!jungkook has my brain going brrrr

@shadowsremedy + @therealmintedmango

support system — adorable!! this is a hybrid!yoongi fic i really enjoy, and the series isn't over yet! check it out~

@bratkook

tear you apart — demon!taehyung...holy shit. i was speechless

@tatertotthethot

the doms next door — THIS SERIES OMG, i've read each part at least five times already. taekook got me acting UP

scream (posted to @yandere-society) — a really cool take on the movie scream with jungkook, yandere fics don't always appeal to me but this one absolutely did

@ateezmakemeweep

broken — the immense ache i felt in my chest while reading this, but i loved both parts with a burning passion. san is so sweet in this :')

@atinybrew

dirty free for all — the ULTIMATE demon!san fic. the writing is absolutely immaculate and this is the first fic that had me blushing down my mf ARMS

rice milk lattes and bryophytes roads — another san fic admittedly because i'm whipped for san lol. anyways, this was cute and hot at the same time and best friend!yunho made my double biasing ass that much happier

@seacottons

pan — an adorable peter pan!hongjoong fic, it had my heart going achhfhsjfjsjf

sir kiss me — circus au with san holy hell i loved every twist and turn of this

@actuallythatwaspromise

bad romance — one of my favorite yunho fics ever, punk rock!yunho x nerd!reader has my entire heart

aurora garden center and desire ink — florist!mingi had me uwuing for the entire fic, this was adorable and i loved it sm

@yeonjuncore

every single fic on this blog is an absolute masterpiece, i swear

the devil's little angel — THIS IS ONE OF MY ULTIMATE FAVORITES, demon!yeonjun had me screaming and it was just so fun to read and i loved every single second of it so much that i've read it nearly ten times now. so go read it, you won't regret it!

the boy with the horns — another of my ultimate favorites (i told you, their writing is just that amazing), woodland fey!soobin just had me going so soft :(( i literally sobbed at one point, that's how invested i was

bleeding heart — the tension between vampire!yeonjun and vampire slayer!reader had me screeching

curtain call — i have a sad crush vampire!soobin

i love you, always — this felt so..bittersweet? taehyun loves y/n so much, i lowkey cried while reading this

@angelfic

the art of (mis)communication — i am a whore for both reconciliation and yeonjun, 100000/10 pls read this i beg of you

@angelictaehyun

growing pains — ahhh once again a yeonjun fic, my chest hurt a lil bit at some points but it was so sweet!!

@neovisioned

bed of spiderwebs — spiderman!mark has my heart screeching, i loved every second of it ♡

eddie ate dynamite — johnny suh coming for my throat yet again

cupid victorious — cupid!jaehyun :'))) definitely one of my favorites!!

@domjaehyun

quarantine chronicles — ok if you haven't read this or the part two yet then you're missing out big time!! the tension, the buildup, every single part of this fic was just *chef's kiss* but multiply thay by a million

all these years — every single moment of this felt so nostalgic and the ending was so sweet :')

@caiuscassiuss

muse — i keep going back to this one constantly, the angst in this phenomenal and i love artist!taeyong sm here

@neoct-zen

loverboy — HOT, AMAZING, I SCREAMED. the blurbs that accompany this are also top-tier i recommend reading each and every one!!

@moondustis

pink + white — i'm so soft for mark i stg, this was the cutest thing ever

@loviejaehyun

can't avoid this feeling — hockey player!mark is the best thing ever

all tied up — i just- screamed as i read this bc professor!jaehyun is too hot goodbye

@hopejanaee

incapable — this is one of the best yoongi fics i've ever read ngl, it's not completed quite yet but the parts that have been posted are top tier!!

breathless — THIS. I LOVED THIS. yuta is just so hfjshhfhshfnsn and i love this sm

@hwaddict

melting point — big boy mingiiii, 100/10 would recommend

@okayau

house next to mine — frat boy!yeonjun rly got me going, cute and hot at the same time ahhhhbfnsnnf

youth — ADORABLE, yeonjun's confession is peak i love it here

run away — how many yeonjun fics can i fit in this post? (answer: a lot) definitely one of my favorite harry potter aus!! it was awesome seeing how their relationship changed throughout the years and perhaps i teared up a little at the end :'))

@starrychannies

baby steps — ONE OF ALL-TIME MY FAVORITE FICS ON THIS SITE, every single part is so well-written and ahhhhhfhdhhf chan makes me feel some type of way

my stupid — another yeonjun fic! angsty but v cute at the end :')

@baekhvuns

this youth of craziness — 40k words of pure gold, this fic is absolutely one of my favorite san fics ever!!

replacement — prince!ten makes my brain go brrrr, i love how the y/n just speaks her mind here

@masterninjacow

untitled project — i saw soulmate au with mark and i knew would already love it, and i did! pizza boy!mark at that, amazing and i adored it

more amazing blogs!!: @galaxteez, @poutybinz, @lustjoong, @bloominghigh

these are just a few of the fics and blogs i found this year, find more on my fic rec blog @agustdiv1ne-recs!! (my thumbs are starting to hurt i'm so sorry bfjshfhsh)

wrapping up each month since august since that's when i actually started posting LMAO

☆ august

03: good enough — chan

03: bloodsucker — seonghwa

04: cutie — san

09: veloxrotaphobia — mingi

19: want — changbin

21: numb — yunho

100 follower special — i reached 100 followers towards the end of august, my first ever milestone :') also my first ever time taking requests, 'twas very fun ♡

☆ september

03: on camera — jungkook

☆ october

27: oh, worm? — namjoon

31: demon days — san

☆ november

10: a letter to my love — xiaojun

23: bad for u — jaehyun

27: home sweet home — yeonjun

☆ december

christmas bash 2020 — my brain went hey what if you did this- and i listened so here's 17 holiday fics hahahaa (not all of them are out yet but i'm working on it!!)

things i plan to release in 2021!!

☆ sunflower — jimin

☆ cross — yeonjun

☆ landslide — seonghwa

☆ nice save — san

☆ red — hyunjin

☆ a secret series (that will be revealed once i plan everything) — ateez

☆ 4 unrelated secret fics oOoOoo — will i reveal them? you'll just have to wait and see ;)

there will definitely be more posted! these are the ones that are going to be my priority at first, but my imagination is always churning so expect a lot more :)) check out all of non-secret wips here!

i hit 500 followers a couple days ago! i nearly screamed when i saw that LMAO. thank you so much for liking my content because i work hella hard on it :') sometimes i feel like i don't deserve y'all really, but @hwaddict will yell at me if i say that so ig i take it back hfhshhdhg

a post for celebrating this milestone will come as soon as i finish up the rest of my christmas fics!! sorry that i'm so slow :( (hint: my requests will be open, so look out for it!)

so yeah!! that's it, sorry for the painfully long post (i'm sorry to my thumbs for typing this whole thing out </3). thank you to everyone who read this far!! i hope everyone has a happy and healthy new year, and in the words of txt's cover, fuck 2020. may 2021 be a much better year for all of us!!!

much love,

ashlee ♡

#i'm sorry if i missed anyone :((#j know i love and appreciate u a lot #it's j my thumbs are literally cramping up as i type this :(#2021 celebration!#happy new year y'all #lmk if any of links are wrong bc i will fix them asap

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rayelovesgreen · 3 years

Text

Tag nine people you want to get to know better!

Thank you so much for the tag @iamanonniemouse! :D I actually never heard of this before so it'd be fun for me to give it a go!

Favorite color: As you can see from my username, green! And also pink. If you ever got inside my room you know you'll find a lot of stuff that's either green or pink.

Currently reading: The Nolan Variations: The Movies, Mysteries, and Marvels of Christopher Nolan written by Tom Shone. The book is about going deep down into Nolan's films, such as; discussing about his process on filmmaking, studying his signature themes, going thru' a little bit of his backstory, and so much much. Even though I'm not even halfway thru' the book yet, I've been enjoying it so far! I gotta be honest, I don't really read non-fiction or biography books—but this one got me hooked. I'm a big fan of Chris Nolan's work and after hearing about this book, I just gotta buy it and read it. And it was worth it.

Last song: Troye Sivan — Angel Baby. A few days ago my friend sent me this song. And ever since then, I couldn't stop listening to it. For me, this is the kind of song you can't help but to imagine fictional scenarios you know you won't experience :)

Last movie: Sooo I think I'm gonna put this in two categories!

Last newest movie: Dune (2021). My mom and I went to the theaters a few weeks ago to see this movie. And I think this is like the first movie I ever saw in theaters after being stuck in quarantine i didn't get to watch tenet in theaters which is really sad. Unfortunately, the place we went to wasn't really good... The screen was too dark and I was too distracted by that, I couldn't really focus and it sucks 'cuz the visuals of this movie is actually so damn good!

Last re-watch: Ocean's Eleven (2001). I'm a sucker for this fandom. I always find myself re-watching Ocean's Trilogy and Inception (2010) nonstop to the point where my brother always call me out and couldn't handle it anymore.

Last series: I think it was Stranger Things! I'm late to this fandom, like really late. If it wasn't because of my cousin, I wouldn't have watched this series in the first place.

Currently craving: Some drinks. Weather it's a glass of milkshake, a boba, or just a simple cup of hot chocolate... I want 'em :/

Tea of coffee: Tea. To be honest, I don't mind drinking coffee. But if I had to choose, I prefer tea.

Currently working on: Some fics and video edits! Which I'm gonna list down below...

An Avengers fic for my friends. I miss the original Avengers and my new friends from school also happens to like Marvel as much as I do! So it'd be fun for me to write about the original 6 and share it to them!

An Ariadne and Cobb fanfic that I'm writing for the InceptGen Fest!

An Ariadne and Yusuf fanfic. I actually finished writing this and I already posted it, but I wanted to revise/edit it a lil cuz I'm not that satisfied yet sdlkdfj

A Linus Caldwell x Reader fanfic. Reading reader insert fanfics are my guilty pleasure. Sad thing is I couldn't find any Linus x Reader anywhere, so I decide to do it myself :) there's a high chance that i won't be posting this, i'm probably just gonna keep it for myself and share it to my close friends

An Ocean's Eleven video edit. I'm actually done editing this a few days go BUT when I export it, the clips went weird and messy and idk what to do with it so I'm re-editing it, which is really suffering fun :)

And last but not least, another Inception video edit for InceptGen Fest! I think the song fits perfectly with Cobb's life and I can't wait how it'll turn out!

I'm tagging @yoshieeto @azxuure @hollywood-n-stuff @disaster-by-chance @theredamogus and to anyone who wanna join doing this as well! :D

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bleucolor · 5 years

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Last time I tried to post a giyushino fanfic and since i navigate myself through Tumblr like a boomer, I accidentally deleted my story. I felt like a whole ass clown but I'm feeling hopeful and I'm back with another prompt using the moon. This takes place in a modern AU where both Giyuu and Shinobu are teenagers. A random drabble for Giyushino which was inspired by being quarantined at home. Hope y'all enjoy and please do send some love 🥺👉👈

Moonlight and Sunrise

Giyuu and Shinobu were friends, however this fact was quite shocking to others due to their Light and Day personas. Tomioka Giyuu was a loner, he had like maybe 2 solid friends being Sabito and Makomo and the others were at max labeled as acquaintances. Shinobu wasn't the most popular one at their highschool but she was well known. She would always be seen alongside her two best friends, Sanemi the oversized delinquent who'd actually bite your head clear off and Uzui the player; who'd get girls left and right. With attention at both sides of the bay it'd be obvious that Shinobu would be well known around their school, being head of the pharmaceutical research club and still being an avid member of the fishing club and the flower arranging club gave Kochou quite the recognition around Kimestu Academy.

Giyuu happened to be in a different class than Sabito and Makomo to his demise thus forcing him to be the lonesome sheep he is. His classmates didn't bother much about him either and nor did he. To him, Kyojurou was too loud, Sanemi was too reckless and Iguro was too emo. He once even referred to Mitsuri as a horse girl to Sabito, but he later concluded that Kanroji was just a rare hybrid of a Taki girl or a hot cheeto girl and Himejima was that one person who believed in horoscopes too seriously, sometimes he'd do tarot readings for his other classmates which Giyuu honestly found quite cool. Whereas Shinobu was someone Giyuu would've honestly never associated in the first place and truthfully speaking their duo wouldn't even exist if Shinobu hadn't approached him first. Shinobu was more of a bully to Giyuu primarily but later Giyuu had opened up to her about how he thought of her as a close friend and that softened Shinobu's heart and strengthed their bond. Although Kyojurou was the smartest kid in the class; even securing his title as class president; Ubuyashiki sensei always made sure to pair up Shinobu and Giyuu together during class projects thus leading to frequent study sessions together. Towards the end of the year, Shinobu became the third person in the entirety of Kimetsu Academy to be close to Giyuu, the 1st and 2nd being Sabito and Makomo and 4th being a special freshman called Tanjiro.

Even though his classmates were rather annoying, Giyuu never did hate any of them. In fact it was hard for Giyuu to genuinely hate anybody in the first place but then there was this one person and that person was Shinobu's oh so charming boyfriend, Douma. Giyuu saw through his pretty boy personality when she first introduced him. He ranted about it to Sabito the very night, complaining about how he's all fake and it's all just a matter of time before that facade comes of. Sabito didn't miss a beat and told Giyuu to suggest a suitable partner for Shinobu instead, to which Giyuu had no answer to. And as per said prophecy it didn't take long for Shinobu to see Douma's true intentions and she decided a queen like her deserved better than this.

It was finally summer break and Giyuu and Shinobu had finally completed 12 painstaken years of schooling along with the others of course. Shinobu decided to host a little get together and hang out with the people she cared about one last time before they drifted apart into adulthood.

Giyuu reached the mall at about 8 pm and walked straight to the food court since Shinobu informed him that's where they would be. To his horror, Shinobu had invited a great deal of people, including those who didn't like him, example being his whole class. As always his presence was ignored by his classmates but thankfully amidst the groups of people, Giyuu noticed a particular red head named Sabito, aka his best friend. Sabito and Makomo were both invited too. Giyuu and Shinobu's friendship caused Shinobu to become good friends with Sabito as well, both of them developed a special bond while they both took turns into bullying poor Tomioka. Shinobu was sitting next to Kimetsu Academy's mascot boy, Inosuke, who looked way too soft for his harsh demeanor. Shinobu had a soft spot for this freshman. She had told Tomioka of how he filled the gap of her need of a younger brother. Unlike Tomioka, Shinobu had a lot of sisters; Kanae who was the eldest, Aoi was a year younger than Shinobu and then came Kanao who was 2 years younger than Shinobu, and lastly were the triplets, Naho, Sumi and Kiyo who were just middle schoolers. Inosuke was a bratty kid who'd frequently get into trouble for having a foul mouth but he was close to Tanjiro and weirdly Kochou's little sister, Kanao's best friend. The butterfly sisters loved having brutes as best friends for some reason, it didn't make sense but somehow worked out for them.

"Inosuke, promise you'll leave that nasty reputation behind."

"I ain't making any promises till you promise you'll send me 3 boxes of foreign chocolate every month." he crossed his arm and looked the other side.

Shinobu softly smiled at him, she was definitely going to miss this kid alot. "Alright Inosuke, I'll make sure to send you the latest ps4 games as well."

Inosuke's eyes lit up as he shook hands with Shinobu to confirm the deal. A subtle smile tugged at the corner of Giyuu's lips.

Giyuu went over to the table Sabito and Makomo were seated at and took a seat opposite to Sabito. It didn't take long for Shinobu to note his presence and she went over to their table and took a seat next to Giyuu. "Aww Tomioka-san, look this is a good farewell party for you, all your friends are here right Infront of you." she snorted.

Giyuu sent her a painful expression. Must she do this even on the day when he supposedly bids her farewell? "Tanjiro's not here though."

"So Kochou, did you get your acceptance letter?" Sabito tried desperately to break the awkward silence.

"oh yes I did, luckily I got into the university I wanted to. I'll be shifting to Canada a few months from now."

"That's so cool. Congrats!" Sabito sent her a beaming smile.

Giyuu was quiet, he was silently studying Shinobu, maybe this was the last time he was going to see her. She was wearing a Yellow ruffle top that was paired up with skinny ripped jeans and her 5 pound white filas, her hair was tied into a half ponytail; she looked cute. Alot of people would've assumed Giyuu's sense of fashion was probably as bland as his personality but surprisingly the guy had drip. He wore a plain black shirt paired up with dark denim jeans and chains to accessorise. Giyuu was an eboy. His sense of fashion honestly made him look quite intimidating but it added a spice to his laid back bland persona, maybe that's why Shinobu had taken an interest to him in the first place.

And almost too soon the party had came to an end as the clock struck 11 PM. Shinobu was probably tired of getting squeezed everytime she got hugged goodbye. One by one, everyone started to leave and before they knew it, a very ominous pair was left behind, and that pair being Giyuu and Shinobu.

"Sabito-kun is a very nice lad. You have great friends Tomioka-san." Shinobu complimented.

"He's nice because he walked Makomo home at 11pm?"

"Well yes, that's rather a very gentlemanly behavior. Don't you think so?"

"You know I've been doing that to you in every single one of our study dates right?" Giyuu raised an eyebrow, right now he seemed like a puppy wagging his tail to receive pats from its master.

Shinobu's cheeks flushed a pale shade of pink when Giyuu had referred to their study session as study dates mistakenly. It was just a slip of a tongue that's all. "My Tomioka-san, are you waiting for me to compliment you?"

"It's nice to hear you say something good about me once in a while Kochou." he pouted like a child.

"If that's what you want...then alright. Walk me home one last time Tomioka san."

"No." he blurted almost too bluntly causing Shinobu to frown almost too evidently. "I'll take you home on my bike instead, this time."

Shinobu was quite taken aback to his sudden kind gesture. Her stomach swelled up with a weird feeling. A mix of happiness with sadness that this was the first and last time she'd get to ride behind his bike.

Giyuu had disappeared for a split second into the parking lot leaving a timid Shinobu pondering. He did mention he really liked bikes. Weirdly as a highschooler, Shinobu always wanted to cruise behind a boy's motorcycle at least once during her high school years and well this was her chance. In 3 minutes Giyuu showed up in a Ducati xdiavel Infront of Shinobu. He patted on the seat next to him gesturing her to come take a seat behind him and so she did after admiring Giyuu and his totally hot ride. Not gonna lie his attire went really well with his bike, she almost felt like she was starring in some music video as they cruised into the dark streets.

Shinobu shrieked almost losing her grip as Giyuu hit a speed bump.

"Kochou." he called out to her, getting her attention.

"Hm?"

"Hold onto me, or you'll fall." his words left Shinobu all flustered and hot but she was quick to oblige, she didn't want any broken bones right before her flight. She also silently thanked the gods that it was too dark for Giyuu to make out her flushed red cheeks.

"Tomioka-san? When did you get this sweet thing?"

"It was a gift from my dad."

"But what if you have to move away for uni? What will happen to it then?"

"I'll take it with me, I haven't gotten a number plate for it yet so I'll just ship it using a ferry or something."

Shinobu wrapped her arms around his waist tightly. She wondered if she was the first girl to sit on his bike. She also wondered about the other girls who would eventually later sit on his bike.

"Kochou, are you in a hurry to go home?" Giyuu suddenly asked.

"Not really, mom and dad are staying at my grandparents' place in the country side and Nee-san just wants me to spend my last few days as free spirited teenager."

"Spend this night with me." he suddenly blurted.

"What?" she choked on her words. Giyuu had become way to daring these days, saying whatever he wanted and bruising poor Shinobu's heart with his choice of words.

"Come on, I wanna show you something." he reassured her in a soothing tone.

"Alright Tomioka-san, as long as you don't get us into trouble I'm good."

He soon parked into a quiet neighborhood. Jesus, this placed seemed abandoned for God's sake, what did he have to show her here? the grudge or babadook?

"Tomioka-san are you sure about this place." Shinobu sent him a nervous look as she tugged at the hem of his shirt.

Giyuu looked into her eyes as he held his hand out to her,"Trust me Kochou." and so she did. They now walked into this dark neighborhood, her tiny hand still enclasped with his large ones. Giyuu knew Shinobu wasn't a big fan of places like these. Places that screamed paranormal activity but the fact the she obliged quite quickly did make him realize how much she trusted him and deep down it made Tomioka Giyuu happy.

"isn't this place restricted or anything? Are we allowed to come here?" Shinobu asked almost too loudly.

Giyuu quickly covered her mouth with his large hands and pulled her into a dark alleyway. Shinobu was quite confused at his sudden antics. She sent him a raised eyebrow as he pinned her against a stone wall, his hand still covering her mouth and almost immediately a Patrol guard walked right past them on the streets. He quickly let go of her and pressed his index finger against his lips gesturing her to stay quiet. "it's alright as long as you don't get caught." he whispered to which she rolled her eyes. He held her hand once again and walked to the biggest house in the area, the house was 4 stories high and Giyuu seemed to have a weird tactic of slipping by the backdoor without getting noticed every time.

"So Tomioka-san, you wanted to show me an abandoned house. Very funny."

"They're not abandoned, they're on sale." He replied walking towards the kitchen.

Shinobu followed him precautiously, "And you're treating it like you own it."

"Only for a while." he replied as he took out 2 bottles of flavored milk. He handed Shinobu the strawberry flavored one knowing that was her favorite and kept the melon flavored one for himself.

"Tomioka-san what's the meaning of this?" she asked one last time, quite getting tired of his shit, really.

Giyuu didn't reply but held her hand as walked upstairs, practically forcing her to follow behind him. They soon reached the attic.

Shinobu was a little taken aback seeing all the clutter of furnite up there. Giyuu pulled up the glass window revealing a beautiful full moon night, how come Shinobu didn't notice that before? And then Tomioka started doing something stupid, which was climbing out of the attic window. Shinobu quickly grabbed his arm as a result of an involuntary reflex, "Are you stupid, do you want to die?"

Giyu was now standing on the roof of a 4 story house with a nerve wrecked Shinobu holding his arm. "Trust me Kochou." he spoke holding out his hand to her.

She shifted her gaze from his moonlit eyes to his hand. Did she trust him with her life? Yes, yes she did. She placed her hand on his and he carefully helped her outside. "Tomioka-san I don't see any point in all of thi-" Shinobu was cut off with the picturesque view of the moon and its bright stars right Infront of her.

Giyuu took a seat next to her, observing the view alongside her. He slowly sipped his melon drink while Shinobu quietly enjoyed her strawberry drink. His gaze shifted from the scenic beauty Infront of him to the other scenic beauty next to him (im a little gay for Shinobu sorry) and there she was Kochou Shinobu, the stars reflected in her eyes as she absent-mindedly stared into the sky being lost in her own void and Giyuu just watched her, she looked even cuter now.

It didn't take long for Shinobu to catch him staring which almost made him choke his drink.

"Are you okay?" she asked him.

"Yeah." he replied after his coughing fits died down. He decided to lay down and enjoy the beauty the night had to offer and Shinobu copied him, laying down next to him. Giyuu had quickly slid his arm towards Shinobu, allowing her to rest her huge head on his arm.

"Tomioka-san." she called out to him making his gaze lock with hers.

"Hm?"

"Thank you. I needed this."

He sent her a soft smile as he tucked behind a strand of her hair behind her ear, "You're welcome."

"You know Tomioka-san, since you've been craving compliments I guess I'll finally give you one." Giyuu softly observed her, wondering what she'd say. "If i were to describe you to a person Tomioka-san. This scenery would suffice."

"Hm?" he raised an eyebrow, "How so?"

"It kinda matches with your personality you know, It's as quiet and mysterious as the night but nevertheless if you observe closely it has all this beauty to offer." she smiled at him, and this time it hurt him. It made him feel weird. It didn't take long for Giyuu's cheeks to be flushed red under the silver moonlight. Giyuu couldn't reply to this, heck he couldn't even force any words through his mouth. Shinobu smiled and gazed back at the stars once again. She was hit a wave of familiarity, this was her and Giyuu's relationship, it was a bit complicated but it was a bit too beautiful to lose. She started to feel her stomach coil in sadness realising this was the last possible memory she'd spend with Giyuu or maybe they could meet up during the holiday seasons and have remakes of adventurous nights like these.

"Tomioka-san, did you get your acceptance letter?"

"Yeah I did."

"Where are you going?" she wasn't facing him, she didn't want him to see her sad expression.

"Same place you are." Giyuu tried his best not to smile while he said that.

Shinobu quickly turned to him in surprise, "That's a horrible joke, Tomioka-san."

"I'm not." he said, pulling out his phone from his pocket and scrolling through his email to show her his proof. And to Shinobu's surprise there it was, and it was legit. Shinobu was quiet, this was what she wanted but in was a bit too much for her to take in all at once.

"Thank God, now I don't have to worry about you not having friends and getting left alone." she snapped back almost too quickly,

"Shut up."

The air was light and heavy at the same time, Shinobu was a bit too happy to be falling asleep but it didn't take her long to doze off in Giyuu's arms, or on Giyuu's arms. Ouch.

He mentally cursed himself for suddenly exhibiting simp behavior, but today was Shinobu's day and he just had to oblige even though he had to sacrifice his arm.

It didn't take long for Giyuu to doze off alongside Shinobu. Falling asleep under a star-filled sky did have a romantic touch to it.

Giyuu was the first to wake up as the sun slowly started to rise amongst the clouds, creating a magnificent hue of purple and orange. Thankfully Shinobu had shifted from laying on his arm to laying on his chest instead which was definitely more comfortable, but surely Shinobu wouldn't be able to sleep long against his chest with his heart pounding like that.

Giyuu took a moment to appreciate a sleepy Shinobu alongside the beautiful sunrise. Her sun-kissed face was just art in its own form. If Giyuu was anywhere as skilled as Sabito in art, he'd use this masterpiece lying beside him as a prompt and then that's when it hit him. Shinobu basked in the golden rays of sunlight, Shinobu was the golden sunrise in early mornings and if Giyuu were to describe her to someone he'd say something along the lines of; "Shinobu you're the morning sunrise. You're annoying but your presence brings warmth." he whispered softly patting her head. And as most cliché scenes this was no different, much to Giyuu's ill fate, Shinobu was seemingly awake the whole time, and she heard every bit of that.

"That's quite harsh Tomioka-san, but I'll take it." she replied causing a frantic Giyuu's heart rate to sky rocket.

With the sun out, Giyuu and Shinobu realised they better be getting home now since they both had guardians to explain their whereabouts to. It didn't take long for them to pack up and reach Shinobu's house. They shared a small hug on Shinobu's front porch along with Shinobu thanking him for giving her an unforgettable journey. This was a nice end to her highschool life. With a wide grin plastered over her face Shinobu walked into her house to 5 very amused and interested sisters.

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scandiengbergs3 · 2 years

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I've been trying to find a time to update the blog and things have been pretty tight, given that Eric was back in Stockholm and I was in Gothenburg with the kids taking delivery of the new Volvo. As I mentioned in my previous post, as far as the kids and I knew when we left Stockholm to distance ourselves from Eric, we were free from Covid. But within a day, as we should have guessed had we been thinking people, we started having some symptoms like sniffles (for Cece), diarrhea (for Rowan), & a sore throat (for me). So, bottom line: we should have all stayed together in Stockholm. I think I established this in the last post.

Anyway, the main impetus for this trip was to take delivery of our new Volvo. I had to see that through. So on Wednesday, all double masked up, the kids and I went to the Volvo factory delivery center and successfully received the Volvo I think we were safer than almost everyone in Sweden, from the looks of it, with our Covid safety ...so I feel like we probably didn't endanger anyone because, well, what do I know, but we kept our interactions with people as brief as possible and we were double masked the whole while.

Anyway, we got the car and I drove us out of Gothenburg, or at least I tried. As we knew from the last time, that industrial area outside of Gothenburg is expansive and very confusing and perpetually under construction. It took me an hour to successfully get on the right road to Jönkoping, Sweden, where we were to stay the night.

So, after a 2-hour drive, which was in reality a 3 and 1/2 hour drive because of all of the getting lost issues, we arrived at the Scandic Elmia in Jönköping. At that point, I was tired and ready to just be done with the long day. Cece had been sniffling like a maniac all afternoon in the car, so I had one box, 2-pack, of Covid tests with me and gave her one when we got to the hotel and gave myself one as well. Mine came back negative and hers came back positive right away. So, soonafter, I put the kids to bed and then I texted with the kids' pediatrician back in Albuquerque, who is a friend, and he told me that at their ages and with the mildness of this variant for most people, there's really nothing to worry about and like most other viruses hers would just pass without event in a few days. He also recommended that if we were responsible in keeping together as a family unit, and distancing as best we can, that we don't necessarily need to change our travel plans. So, we are going to get on our ferry tonight, Helsinki-bound, since we have private cabins and so we shouldn't be posing too much risk to other people, at least we hope not!, and will be all masked up and ready to go. Once we get to Helsinki, we'll be there for 4 days in an Airbnb and by the end of that we should all be on the other side of this. We are very grateful that none of us have felt terrible. It's mostly just been very anxiety inducing.

I can't emphasize enough how nonchalant Sweden's approach to Covid has been, which I think we've all known about from the news over the last two years. Finland's approach, from what I've been able to make out online, seems to be somewhat more strict, but the quarantine rules are still very inexact and I'm pretty confused, honestly.

Anyway, I write this about 30 minutes after driving up to the Airbnb in Stockholm to pick Eric up. We are very glad to all be reunited and now he's seen the new car for the first time. The kids are outside running around the house just getting some fresh air and sunshine before the next part of our adventure. The chapter concerning Covid, however, we're very excited to close ... and I will keep everyone updated.

I want to note that while our sightseeing over the last several days has been non-existent, the 4-hour drive the kids and I did this morning was partially on a scenic route, which was absolutely gorgeous. I didn't take any pictures, but I'll try to post another post soon with a bit more description of what we saw, beautiful farms sloping down towards a gorgeous expansive lake.

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a-private-place · 3 years

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So, it's been a really really long time since I last posted here. I just kind of... started saying a lot of the gloomy stuff on my main blog

I'm sure there's a good chance the few of you still around kind of forgot you were following this (not as in you forgot about me, as in just we tend to forget stuff when it goes of the radar for years). So no obligation to stick around or read all this, though you're welcome to if you want. Really in many ways this was always just a journal that had the advantage of maybe someone hearing it

As for what's been going on and why I'm back, I'll put most of it under a break, but here's the summary. Things are going much better for me, but I'm still suicidal and depressed because that's just probably how I always will be. It is better though

The stuff I'm about to post isn't exactly horrible stuff or anything, it's just things that are a little more honest about how I'm feeling than I want to share on my main blog. I just... as much as I'm myself there, I can't take letting the mask slip enough to say it, and I've decided here... fine, I need to say it so here will work

If I happen to discreetly mention this on my main blog, and you know me directly that's fine. I just can't bring myself to be totally open in that space, I'd be happy enough to have the people I know know this stuff

Anyway... man I suck at keeping it short, here comes the break though

Well, a few years ago with a lot of help from my dad financially (which if I'm honest I feel guilty about), I found this wonderful place 50 miles from anything in any direction, and because of that it was only $90k, which I could barely afford

It's this amazing former hotel in this town of like... 150 people, and it needs a lot of work but the worst of it tends to be like... the basement door is a mess, huge gap under it that's an insulation nightmare, and I've found a few mice that I have to take far a way to release that that's the number one suspect for where they get in

I don't really have any money, so fixing stuff is gonna fall on me, but... I don't know what I'm doing and it's hard to get started. I'm slowly working on it, but I'm nowhere near as productive as I'd like

I took up woodworking a bit before I got the house, I like it a lot. I actually have a huge commission (physically, like it's like 4 feet tall when most of the stuff I do is 8 inches) which has been done since the start of the year, but I've kind of felt too depressed and guilty about how much money I probably should ask for it given the time to took. The commissioner's been really cool though, ideal person to deal with and honestly really helped make the piece great

This isn't it, this is actually a pretty old piece from before I moved, but I don't have a picture of the commission on my desktop so here's an example

I ended up having to let my mom move in with me. I'm not exactly happy about it, but most of the time I manage to put the past out of my mind and then it mostly works. Managed to help her get disability so that's how the bills are covered now that my money all ran out (she spent the last of my money before that happened an my account got closed like $500 in the hole, so... yeah)

Got her horrible trailer totally emptied, still going through stuff here which is hard because... I'm bad at it. I'm good at emergency clean up, just stuff the total trash into a dumpster, and everything else you bag or box fast as can be to give another pass. Haven't been able to make myself do that second pass

It was a nightmare if I'm honest. I got photos, you probably don't want to see them. The place was so badly damaged we didn't get a dime, we got an agent kind enough to ask a contact who repairs stuff to take it as is for free, and that's it

Pandemic didn't effect me cause I never leave my house anyway and I'm in the middle of nowhere. I found out that I've been living like I'm in quarantine my whole like, so that part didn't bother me, but might tell you why I'm so messed up. I don't know

Had enough room that a friend of an acquaintance on here was kicked out during the pandemic and I offered them a place to stay. I won't say it was a bad move, because morally it was probably the right thing, but a year later they're still here. Turns out despite driving cross state their driver's license has been expired 8 years, they're almost more of a fuck up than I am, and... they still don't have a new ID to apply for housing assistance with cause... I don't know, it sucks

As for me, I'm still really depressed a lot of the time, suicidal most days like I used to be. Still can't make myself get a job, mostly cause of the insomnia, and I haven't made the commission end of the woodworking come together yet

I feel pretty horrible about not having an income, really worthless and like a leech, and honestly what I'm really wanting most days is to get this place cleaned up enough (and the person I let live here moved on), and invite this friend I really like who has kind of similar problems stay here. Then I want to get my hands on a gun and blow my brains out, leave the place to her and get my worthless self out of here like I feel would be best

It's fucked up probably, but that's how I feel most days. Oh, and before you say the obvious, I'd love a therapist, but I can't be driving 50 miles for one and all the online ones say I'm too depressed to work with. So uh... just know while that's not great it's stable and I'm still here after many days of feeling that

Worry that I'm feeling that way if you want, probably the wise call, but don't worry about me being in immediate danger

Anyway, bad as that all probably sounds, this is the best I've ever done in my life. Things are more stable than ever before, I have more friends online than I ever used to, I kind of almost have one singular skill for once. It's messed up and I often feel like I don't deserve it, but in some ways I'm one of the best off people in the US right now, which sucks that everyone else is on such shaky ground. Thing is though, I've got no mortgage, and because of that the disability just covers the utilities and groceries (though it's been tight covering my cat's chemo these past few months, it was pretty ok before that)

Well, if you read all this I hope you're doing ok yourself. Good chance we don't know each other really, only like one or two people from my main knew about this one, the rest of you were strangers more or less but I appreciated you

I'm... I'm tired a lot, like an unreasonable amount, but if you ever need to talk, just shoot me a message. Once I'm awake enough I'll be happy to respond. I'm not good at much, but I can listen

Really hope you're doing alright whoever you are. Probably more to come, though... I haven't slept all night and this took longer than I expected and I don't want to slap down some of the feelings that made me want to come back here. I need... I don't know, the right frame of mine

Oh yeah, also been doing Irish the past few years on duolingo. I'm not really able to speak like a child yet, but uh... know a few things in it

Take care

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