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idsb · 2 years

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I don't want to forget the way my face hurt from smiling when they played A Place Only You Can Go. 7/17 from The Reckoning. When something happens, your brain only takes snapshots of memories and lets your mind fill in the gaps of the rest. The ones I remember the most vividly are that, and the way I jumped with one hand in the air and the orange spotlights reflecting in my eyes during State I'm In, unable to even stay perfectly in one place because of how much energy I had. I remember Bear looking in my eyes while he sang so many times; being a little self conscious but so happy to be so close. Them coming downstage to play unplugged the last two songs, the roaring applause from everyone - all college kids in the pit as opposed to the 50 year olds who comprise the majority of the crowd the other half the time - so loud they couldn't speak for a solid two minutes. My happiness when they started playing Give Me A Chance which they don't usually do, and then Let Us Love, which I resigned to believe I'd never hear live, my favorite Non-The Reckoning song by them and my favorite of their live songs, I know from the live recording on Spotify, and my pure joy when I realized that was happening. That part was such an out of body experience I barely even remember it. Looking up STRAIGHT at the, so close my belongings rested ON the stage. they were at eye level. no barricade. amazing. Friends in line from The Cursed Facebook Fan Group and how nice they were to me; how I got the best spot even though they got to the venue before me (at 2PM, just a few minutes before I did. We both waited 5 hours).

How long the first day felt, when I completed a hike and stopped at a Farmer's market and did laundry and went out to eat AND drove 6 hours, all before midnight. And I didn't even leave very early in the morning.

My spot the night of the show was so cozy: the nicest rest stop I'd ever been to in my life, honestly, a blanket fort over the all the seats, my computer on and charging my phone and using the rest stop wifi to watch TV before bed, and thinking 'this is home'. Realizing that my car and the open road and needtobreathe are the best friends I've ever had because they're the things who have seen me more nights I don't think I can get through, more tears in my eyes, more exuberance bubbling out of me, more phases of my life than anything else ever could. Caused me more joy than anything else ever could. And that, somehow, doesn't feel like a lonely life, even though you might hear it and think otherwise. But the pre-golden hour sunlight and rolling upstate hills, and so many grassy fields with so many dandelions, they smiles they painted across my face all say otherwise.

I don't know what it means to accept that no actual sentient human being will ever know me as well as these things. I don't know if everyone feels more content with the thoughts alone in their head and happier spending time with themselves because no one else understands you means you are doomed to feel nothing but regret later in life. I do know that I like company, and I spent some time thinking on this drive - it's been two years now - that the time, the only time in my life, which only lasted a month and a half, that I had a friend group I genuinely felt like a key piece of, who I felt so free and so myself with, will still probably go down as the happiest of my life in terms of spending time with other people; feeling a sense of belonging. but it feels futile to spend an eternity chasing that when it took 24 years to have it once, it crashed and burned in a 6 weeks, and the sky in upstate New York looked the way it did and needtobreathe sounded the way they did, how hard the chorus of 'We Could Run Away' hits while driving into the golden sunlight, the saturation of the greens as that light reflects off the trees and how that just might be the most beautiful color in the whole world and it makes even a truck stop look like a scene from of heaven, how the iced latte tasted the way it did, the burn in may legs from the steep hike in the morning, the album I'd been waiting for and forgotten about from the opener sounded the way it did; the devastation and satisfaction of the end lyrics of one of his songs after its climax, "Out of luck out of love out of highway I’ll say what have I done, and you'll say 'little by little babe'" and the way that hit after hearing that song as the soundtrack to the drive, zoning in and out of paying attention. The way all of those things culminated, to create a feeling of joy and bliss that simply cannot articulate. And no one else can or would understand any of that.

I feel fortunate about so many things: 2.5 years ago, taking 3 days off to randomly drive upstate to see my favorite band was financially unthinkable. yes, I slept at rest stops the whole time, but I don't even consider that a financial thing because I try enjoy it. I feel better in that car than I do a 5-star hotel, because it's home and it's friendly and it's mine. I feel so fucking fortunate for that car. 192,000 miles and it dawned on me that that trip, that trip with the thing that's carried me across the nation and held me so many nights while I cried and seen my ugliest moments and seen me swearing and screaming and cursing the guitarist and seen me singing wildest dreams and longing for The Australian and seen me driving through the night to stab my fake-best friend in the back and hook up with my now-boyfriend what's becoming so many years ago... that trip might have been her last. and we had the best fucking time. and I am so fucking fortunate to have had a car who has carried me across so much, through so much, with so few issues; never costing me more than $400 for a repair and that even only happening once in 6 years. I am so fortunate to be in good enough health that I can do such stupid things as this without needing to worry about much. I'm fortunate to be short enough and an easy enough sleeper that sleeping across the backseat of a sedan is a genuinely comfortable experience. I'm fortunate to hear Streets Of Gold and think of Australia and so many happy memories; driving back into Melbourne in the late afternoon sunlight. For singing along to the lyrics, "with twilight approaching and all that I've seen, I could never get over what you've done to me" and knowing I did get over it and it's just added to the list of things I've seen and am wiser and better for. I'm fortunate to love hiking, I'm fortunate to be as good at finding so many wonderful places to hike and eat on trips as I am, because I remember in 2017, aimlessly traveling the country for the first time with a shitty ex who hated everything that was fun, how hard it was to find places to hike or eat or things to do. I could do it in my sleep now and the days I curate for myself are the best. I'm fortunate that relationship ended. I'm fortunate for being good at hiking, better and faster than most. I'm fortunate myself is someone I truly like to spend time with: for all the insecurities I have and for how I know I am Too Much for or don't have very much in common with a lot of people, I fucking love spending time with myself. I have such an incredible time by myself. And some people - me included, at points - hate themselves so much that something like that would be unbearable. but it's not.

For all the restlessness that I felt leading up to this weekend, the discontentment with so many things about my life, I think that discontentment stems from the fact that I am truly my best self with needtobreathe playing and a highway in front of me. it felt good to be reminded of that, and I wish I could bottle that feeling and pass it around for others to drink in with me. But they wouldn't get it if they could, and that's okay. And so, for now, with just that and a deeper understanding of myself and a wonderful, perfect, incredible concert memory behind me as well, I am happy.

#you don't have to read this I just want it posted somewhere and I like typing better than journaling bc it's better for my thought flow #my words

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ditlevsenadkins42 · 2 years

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How to keep connected with the music of your country, even if life has been a bit boring over the past 10 years

So, I made it to America. It's a long way from New York, Brooklyn and Brighton Beach. This city reminds me a lot of home. It's noisy, filthy, full of Russian languages, and the people are rude. I've spent a fair amount of money in Russian cafes and restaurants, as well as in books and music stores.

I love music as well as reading books. There is now a way to access Russian literature on Kindle, as it has occurred recently. This is why I no longer buy hard-copy books. Furthermore, I do not have enough space in my house. My wife is almost an avid collector. So, I do all I can to not add to her pile of stuff. Stacks of books looks intelligent first few months, after that they only looked sad, until I put them in garage, where there's still enough space for my things..

However, music is a different thing. I am a huge fan of music since my job requires me to drive far distances and I listen to a lot. As a Russian immigrants, I've never learned to like any new music that I have discovered in the USA.. I'm not a fanof hip hop or rap. The latest music that kids love to dance to. I love the old Russian music, and also those songs with a jail theme that are especially suited to Russian music world. These songs are still very popular in Russia, even after 20 years. They aren't on CDs. They are typically tapes found in cars and YouTube videos. Youtube is now the only place to find all the data. So I can spend hours watching music on YouTube when I'm working or when I get home from work.

And so after a while I've put together a long playlist with more than 300 songs I truly am in love with. Since there are more than 300 songs, it's easy to become accustomed to the tunes. When I need to listen to songs in my car but I don't have enough internet. It's crucial for navigation, driving and also for my personal enjoyment. I do the preparations at home. I'm now in the middle. I take a few songs on Youtube as mp3 files. Then I burn the MP3s onto a CD using my computer. Next I take the disc to my car and listen. The website can print a Youtube playlist, and then convert each song to MP3 and save it on my computer at home. It's then easy to convert it to an audio CD. Sometimes I'm prone to making a mistake and end up making a data CD. It won't play on my car stereo. But, audio can be recorded. It's fascinating to observe how technology works. I don't have to go online or have any other device to play MP3. Just insert the CDs into the stereo slot, and I can hear Russian music blasting in Manhattan.

youtube link downloader It's easy to download videos from Youtube and save them as mp3 files. Then, you can download them onto your Smartphone. I saw a friend of mine connected his phone to car stereo, and it was playing very good quality sound in just a couple of seconds. He was also able to stream Pandora radio and Spotify, so it's not even requiring a lot of Internet to stream this. I think this is my next step to try. However, I'll be sure to use free WiFi.

#yd downloader

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