#I've taken to clawing through the back end code for hints

[uldahstreetrat]

the excitement overstimulation is absolutely ending me right now

also probably the lack of protein in my system yet today

send help

[doberbutts]

Oh yeah I picked up Daine's first book in a very similar manner- it was the only one by that author on the shelf at the library and there was no book summary on the back. Just the title and a wolf on the cover. And I was deep into my wolves phase so I thought eh, why not, I've taken worse leaps of faith.

And I did love Daine's story, I did. Numair is one of mt favorite characters and I was a kid that had a hard time fitting in so watching Daine struggle to find her place and watching her carve out her place with her family and friends was very influential for me.

AND THEN when I found out not only were there more Daine books but also more Tortall books period???

I do think Alanna's story is fitting for her character- she never wanted to be *male* but simply wanted a fair chance and pretending to be her brother/a man was the only way she could. Once she was provided with that while also being able to explore her womanhood, it made sense that she would grow comfortable reconnecting with being a woman after spending so long being a man. She only ever wanted to be *herself*, and at the end of the day, she was.

But it did mean that babytrans Jaz disconnected with her when this happened, because babytrans Jaz would have gone right back to assuming the role of a man even after ~the reveal~.

Kel's reaction to people stuffing her into boxes time and time again as she clawed her way to her rightful place was also something that touched me. She, too, only ever wanted to be herself and she, too, always felt like she was forced to prove herself when she'd already surpassed her peers. Her conversation with Alanna - accusing her of abandoning her, explaining that she *couldn't* do anything that could hint favoritism - that rang in my head because of course Kel would have been better supported by the only other female knight but at the same time the danger would be that any of Kel's accomplishments would be null and void.

And it also was... a very butch-to-butch coded talk. Lesbians in general but especially butches are seen as predatory and the idea of an older butch guiding a younger butch just as platonic mentorship is often derided and demonized as sexual grooming. Alanna was forbade to contact Kel, could not risk fucking up Kel's life even though she was honestly the best person to have mentored her, and how fucking *unfair* that was, to both of them, to Alanna being seen as predatory, to Kel being denied access to the literal only person that knows what she's going through.

Pierce might not have intended it, seeing as again Alanna is straight and Kel is asexual and she didn't even make Kel ace on purpose, but that. THAT.

AND THEN the Beka books, once again a GNC woman who is a bit older than the pages we've been watching (iirc Beka is roughly Daine's age? Or maybe she's Aly's age? Not Ten, at least) in a narrative that she is loved and supported as who she is without needing to be anyone else. She is, again, simply herself.

My queen Tamora Pierce writing the strong GNC leads I always wanted to read even if she did half the representation by accident. You love to see it.

No no Tortall fits. Alanna is v transmasc coded.

I mean she spends a large portion of her books pretending to be a man to the point one of the books is called 'woman who rides like a man' and remember how I loved butch representation because seeing women who choose to reject the expectations of womanhood and live for themselves even if that means they'll be read as 'male' was really empowering for me 😍

Alanna is straight iirc so I don't think it's correct to call her butch but she IS GNC and while her growing into loving her womanhood was where I disconnected from her narrative, for sure reading her books was very freeing for middle school me.

I actually started with Daine's books first, though, then read Alanna and Kel before discovering that I just liked Tamora Pierce.