#I've tried to fill the gap with other instruments too but it isn't working
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I miss playing violin so much but I'm so broke that I just have to suffer
#screaming crying throwing myself against a wall#ex violinist#I've tried to fill the gap with other instruments too but it isn't working#So so close to throwing my guitar against the wall and breaking the keyboard in half while screaming#I can barely listen to classical music or consume any information/content about it without the pain#It's like someone reached into my ribcage and tore out my heart#And for your information returning to choir isn't helping either#I just#I need to find a sugar daddy and persuade him to give me enough money to buy at least a half decent violin or I will combust#The first two years after I quit were such a relief bc my art school/orchestra and all the people were so terrible and abusive#And I was a kid and just wanted to have fun#But the past two years?? Suffering. I miss music. Even if I perform in other ways it never feels the same and I just can't anymore
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