#IDK HOW TO END THIS MY BRAIN IS MUSHY AMD GROSS FROM WORK AND I THINK IM SICK

[steveshairychest]

Steve doesn't flinch when a punch is being thrown his way. He's used to violence. Used to the sting of a fist against his cheek or a knee in his ribs. Used to the uncomfortable pain of a black eye or a broken nose. What he isn't used to is gentleness. He flinches the first time Eddie reaches out and brushes hair out of his face, and flinches again when Eddie cautiously threads his fingers with Steve's at the movies.

Eddie thinks it's because of him. He thinks Steve doesn't like him, doesn't like touching him or being around him. He says so after Steve nearly jumped through the roof of the car after Eddie put his hand on Steve's thigh. "Do you not like me anymore?" He asks quietly, insecurity bleeding into every word as he avoids Steve's eyes.

Steve shakes his head quickly and takes Eddie's hand in his own, unsure of how to make things right. "No, I'm just, uhm, still getting used to how gentle you are. It's not a bad thing! I love it. It's just a little overwhelming for a guy like me."

"A guy like you?" Eddie raises an eyebrow in question.

"I haven't always been a good guy." He says after a moment, and Eddie squeezes Steve's hand in comfort. Steve doesn't flinch this time. "I used to start fights for no reason. I would pick on kids that are just like Dustin and Mike and You. I-I wasn't a nice guy. I was a dick. I just feel like I don't deserve to be handled so gently, so softly." It hurts to say it out loud. The truth makes him feel sick to the stomach, it makes him want to run and hide from himself.

He hates who he used to be.

"You really were kind of a dick." Eddie laughs.

Steve smiles sadly and sinks back into the car seat. "I know." He knows it's the truth, but it still hurts to hear Eddie agree.

"But -" Eddie turns around in the seat and scoots as close to him as he can in the cramped front seat of Steve's car. "You've changed so much, Steve. You're not that guy anymore. I'm proud of you for acknowledging that what you did was wrong. Yes, you used to beat people up and start fights for no reason, but look at you now, sitting outside the arcade waiting for the gaggle of children that you've literally fought monsters for."

"You're a good guy, Steve." Eddie leans in close and whispers, "You're actually kind of a loser now."

Steve feels like he's going to cry. Eddie's too good for him, even if he did just call him a loser. "Hope you don't mind having a loser as a boyfriend."

Eddie leans over the centre console and kisses him softly and sweetly. "Nope, don't mind one bit. As long as you don't mind having a freak for a boyfriend, we're all good."

Steve laughs and leans back to admire the man who's changed his life for the better; the man he loves. "Hmm, I don't know... I saw you eat a whole packet of cheese yesterday."

"I was hungry!"

"I was cooking dinner! Plus, you're lactose intolerant."

"So, you're saying you don't date lactose intolerant people?"

"Yep, sorry, babe."