#INY Chapter Two Hundred

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧  Chapter 200

The last Sunday of the month had invited all the charitable rich to another gaudy event. Having your picture taken as you entered was really the only price worth paying. Six digit donations were nothing to people with deep pockets. They wanted adoration. Acknowledgment of their good deeds for humanity. Rich people were the worst. And you and Tony were as rich as they came. So you would know. 

And one thing you certainly knew was how much you absolutely hated these events. The fake smiles, the cheesy laughter, the shows for cameras lined outside an obvious event carpet. Paid paparazzi and news outlets parked every inch of the way. Walking the generous mile (at least it definitely felt that way) into the event where, once safely inside away from all the cameras and microphones, the pretending would stop. They’d preen and dote upon one another and forget the reason for even being there- if they even knew which charity they’d made an appearance for at all. Usually just personal assistants writing out the RSVPs and picking outfits, calling cars, and writing checks. 

These people didn’t care about anyone but themselves. ...but money was money. 

And money they wouldn’t even notice was gone going to help people that were in definite need was worth something, right? It was worth slugging through these events multiple times a year. It was just rude to send money and not show. No- you were part of the show. So you had to go. Much as you were too busy and too uninterested in being anywhere near this social circle the rich and famous had crafted for themselves. Safe and familiar away from the less fortunate that they were celebrating- 

“You alright, honey?” Tony had probably noticed your mean-mugging and glassy eyed stare from across the room as you looked at yourself in the vanity mirror. 

That was signal enough that all the fussing about was over. Both hairdresser and makeup artist taking their cue to put on the finishing touches and scurry away. “I’m just tired.” Feeling safe to say this once the two of you were alone in the bedroom again. This was your answer more often these days, which was probably not a great thing. 

Standing up, you discarded your robe and went to unzip your overly ritzy dress from its garment bag. While Tony was still half turned away getting himself dressed, you stepped into it. A gorgeous entirely too-expensive dress, as always for something like this. It was black with champagne-gold colored details. A snugly fitted mermaid line with a slightly large train at the bottom. The arms and extremely deep v-line were all sheer mesh, giving the illusion of bareness, gold leaflet details spreading across your collar bones, lining the cups of the dress and the V shape, down over your hips, some across your arms, and many lining the bottom. Perfectly matched, of course, with Tony’s black and exact same champagne-gold tux. Black pants and suit jacket, black button up with a gold waistcoat, pocket square, and bow tie. One he was currently fumbling with. Or pretending to. As he always did. You went to his aid (as you always did), reaching up to tie the fabric to expert perfection. His smile was grateful and warm. “What would I do without you?” 

“I shudder to think.” Teasing him a little before you turned opposite him, gently guiding your expensively-done hair forward over your shoulder. “Would you mind?”

The tips of his fingers were warm and soft as he glided them down the length of your exposed back. Turned away, you didn’t mind the flutter of your eyes as they closed. But hiding one expression from him didn’t help- as you breathed out softly, probably in that overly telling way. You could hear his smirk without even having to look at him. “Zipper’s already down. I’m sure you could get out of the rest of it without my help, but… since you asked…” 

He went so far as to drift his hands back up and slip them underneath the shoulders of your dress, like he actually might take it off you. You turned your head back and were too amused to make the sentiment as serious as you would have liked. “Tony, stop.” 

“Should I?” His brow arched in that high delicate line. “You don’t wanna go, I don’t wanna go…” So why not stay here? A question left unasked. Not that it mattered. You just ended up shaking your head. “Well, we have to. It’ll be less trouble that way.” If you paid your charitable entrance fee and then didn’t show, somebody would make a stink about it come tomorrow. And that was just more headache than you needed. 

“You say that- and yet-” Protesting, even as he finally acquiesced, hands dropping to pull your zipper up all the way. Practically sealing you into your dress. Maybe locked was the better word. 

“Let’s not tempt fate.” All you had to do was get in, take pictures, pretend to be happy talking to any number of people who would bother you that night, maybe drink a glass of wine, have a dance, and then leave. How much trouble could happen between all that? 

As you laid your hand on his chest, he put his over yours, just holding you there for a second. His smile then was brief. “You’re right.” 

But it was already too late for that. 

                                                               ---

This being the first public event the two of you had attended since letting everyone in on the engagement, Tony seemed to be hamming it up more than usual. Sure, he was a shutterbug and seemed to enjoy posing for cameras (thumbs up, peace signs, grand gesturing as was his way), he was now involving you. And no doubt he’d be looking over the photos that came out of this event in the morning. 

He seemed to switch his handedness- usually he’d be throwing up signs with his right, as came natural to him, but now he made every move with his left. Displaying his ring proudly. Making it obvious and clear- look, we’re engaged, this is going to be my wife, I get to be her husband. To say that he was glowing would be putting it mildly. His smiles were more genuine than they’d ever be for something like this. 

Because he had you at his side. And he was showing off. While the two of you walked down the outside aisle to the event, he had an arm around your waist. And when you stopped to pose for the cameras, he’d take your hand in his and press a kiss to the back. Yes. Even calling it showing off was putting it mildly. Tony Stark was strutting as a new-fiance. And maybe that made all of this worth it. 

But letting your guard down for even a second or believing that the evening was going your way invited trouble. Trouble in the form of a woman in an all white dress storming her way to you. In contrast to your sharp and gorgeous lines she was wearing a billowy frock that seemed a little hard to move around in. You guessed she was going for some angelic vibe. 

The second Joy Meachum stopped- not in front of you, but at your side, purposefully so the cameras and press could hear and see the both of you clearly, you held a hand up to her. “Don’t do this here.” Whatever she was planning, whatever she wanted to say, you wanted no part of it. But especially not in front of the hungry press. 

Tony’s hand squeezed yours but he maintained a calm and watchful air. Joy just grinned. “Why not? They’ll eat this up. It’s good for business.” 

“Not yours, certainly.” Trying to scare her away with a steely-eyed stare. “And unlike you, I’m not a dancing circus monkey. I don’t take pride in putting on a show just for press points.” 

This incensed her quite clearly, but underneath that there was a certain wave of fear. Hm. So Joy Meachum was frightened of you. As she should be. But putting on a brave face. “I just wanted to say that I think it’s extremely nasty, what you’re doing. Women like us should prop each other up. There are so few of us in the business. Attacking me-” 

“I made a simple statement about the affairs of your business. Nothing I said was untrue, either, by the way. And if it were, you’d have already tried to slap me with a lawsuit. Grandstanding will not pull you out of this hole you’ve put yourself in.” You remained expertly calm, not giving in to this theater she was putting on. 

But she just couldn’t help herself. “I know you’re helping the guy going around pretending to be Danny Rand. I think it’s tasteless and some sort of power play for-”

“Please. If I wanted Rand Enterprises I’d have it tomorrow. You’re lucky I don’t want to be associated with the kind of overpriced drugs you sell.” Okay. You were giving in just a little. But she wanted a fight. “Go away now, you’re making a fool out of yourself.” 

Her hands went tight into little fists at her side. “You have no idea what I’ve been through to bring this company where it is. I was born into this. I belong here. You just slept your way up.” 

The roll of your eyes probably wasn’t dramatic enough. Tony seemed like he had a mind about him to say something but you finally gave him a return squeeze to keep him at bay. You could and would handle this yourself. “You can’t preach to me the merits of friendly business feminism in one breath and then in the very next call me a slut- but- let’s pretend for a second that that’s even true. It at least goes to show how much more work I put into my career than you did with yours. You don’t get credit for falling out of your mother onto a pile of money.” Shock was a bold color on her, and a dozen non-starters escaped from her mouth as she grasped for something to say to that. Instead of letting her attempt to defend herself you finished with, “What matters is what you do with that after the fact, and so far I have seen nothing to indicate you have anything worth being proud of.” With that you gave Tony a little tug and he was quick to your side as the two of you turned. But he did offer her a little wave. “Nice seeing you, Joy.” 

The two of you played completely unaffected. Her creepy brother came to her aide, something you saw just out of the corner of your eye, as you and Tony were making your way- finally- to the entrance. He couldn’t help one last hammy action, leaning in to press a dashing kiss to your cheek with a wide smile. You couldn’t help yourself, either, turning the other way to catch him next, raising your left hand to cup his cheek, as you held him there in a brief but full kiss. He found something funny; you knew exactly what. And, as he pulled away, you let him know. “I warned you I’d put her in her place if she tried anything.” 

His chuckles seemed to go straight through you. “Yeah. Someone should’ve warned her.” 

                                                              ---

A crowd of asskissers was immediately imminent as soon as you two made your way inside. It was exactly why Tony pressed another kiss to your hand and then let go. “Can I buy you a drink?” You smiled in an amused and fond way. “Now, you wouldn’t be trying to abandon me so that you don’t have to talk to anybody, would you?” He made such a face of hurt. “I would never.” But as the footsteps drew closer… “I’ll call you over from the bar. Then you can escape, too. It’s a good plan.” 

Leaning up on tiptoe you pressed a kiss to his cheekbone. “Just a glass of wine, please.” 

The usual hemming and hawing came all around you as Tony made a quick exit to the back of the room. For a change, the usual familiars that pretended to care about your life weren’t asking about the next social event they could catch you at- now they were asking for much more intimate details. What is your ring made out of? How much was it worth? When’s the wedding? Where is the wedding? Who will be designing your dress? Do you have an event coordinator yet? Wedding planner? Menu? Bar? It all gave you a headache. All these questions were detached. Completely impersonal despite how they seemed. They were designed for one reason. To ask how much was being spent. As if that was the only mark of love that either Tony or you could impart to each other. Spending money on one another. 

They didn’t want to know when he proposed- or when you had. They didn’t want to know why you’d chosen the design of his ring or how he’d chosen yours. They didn’t want to know how long you’d been in love or if you’d always known you were going to get married. They didn’t care about your relationship with him. They cared about the wealth and the fame. The extravagance that should have been a Stark Wedding. 

...maybe Tony had been right about eloping all along. Maybe you should have gotten married on that beach in Fiji. The world was waiting for the two of you to say your vows. Not because they cared of their contents but because they all wanted to live vicariously through the both of you. And not for the love or the bond that you shared. Just for a window into the supposed life of luxury. Tony turning from the bar with two drinks in hand was all the excuse you needed to walk away. Which was what you did. Literally. No polite excuse me or I have to go to speak to someone you just… left. Let them call you rude later. Start gossiping about you. What did it matter? Appearances only went so far and you had long since cared about what any of these people had to say about you. 

As you met back up with Tony and gratefully took your glass of wine from him, he sipped lightly at his own glass of bourbon and seemed to be watching you. Until, finally, “What did they say now?” Seeming to sense either your upset or just how drained you suddenly were. 

For him you managed a smile. “I was just thinking about how almost seven years ago those exact same people refused to believe when I said we’d come to an event together. And now… all they care about is how much money we’re blowing on a wedding.” The art gala at Basel. A lifetime ago. As most things felt these days, looking back. Some of those exact same people that night, in fact, who had laughed and waved you off, offered to stay with you when Tony left without you- and then tried to flirt with him… Now their tunes had changed but only so much. They were still interested in Tony. And his fortune. Maybe, more importantly, what he was doing with it. 

You were unwisely already half finished with your glass when Tony’s smile caught you off guard. When you looked up at him questioningly, he held out his opposite hand for you. “Can we dance?” 

That’s what you’d asked him that night. In front of all the disbelievers. You’d asked him to whisk you away, not only just to be rid of them but to prove to the world that- yes- Tony Stark loved you of all people. And you loved him. Now, so many years later, you were done doing any sort of proving. You didn’t need to. You didn’t want to. 

You recalled the way he looked at you that night, when you’d asked that. And you also remembered him immediately coming to your rescue when he answered- the same way you were now- “Absolutely.” 

The both of you finished your drinks. Too quick to be anything other than a mistake. But you weren’t really planning on staying long enough for it to matter. And you had him looking out for you anyway. And you for him. 

He escorted you by the hand out to the dance floor where couples were shuffling back and forth, watching people out of the corners of their eyes while a live band played softly. But when the two of you stepped there, when he put his hands at your waist and you laid your arms up along his shoulders and touched your hands along the sides of his neck, they were all watching you. But none of them mattered. All that mattered was the way Tony kept you in time with a gentle sway, the way he was looking at you. Deep, soft brown eyes and loving smile. The way he warmed beneath you. He deserved a little credit. Your hands crept up a little further, touching into the back of his hair as you let the thought out into existence, “The world seems to be waiting for us to throw some big gaudy wedding but… I think maybe you had the right idea all along.” It was dangerous to tell him he was right about anything but…

Ah, what did it matter. Tony knew (and definitely thought) he was right all the time anyway. 

His lips curved more into a quiet smirk but there was a sudden light in his eyes. “Had a change of heart? You wanna go sign some papers tomorrow?” 

“Not tomorrow but… I think I’ll keep putting off planning a wedding. And we’ll just keep being engaged.” Trying to be honest with yourself, and him. 

He gave a little shrug. “Not the worst thing in the world. Not my favorite idea, but. Not the worst.” 

Finally you looped one arm loosely around him, moving the other down to lay against his chest. Over his heart. “It’s not that I don’t want to.” 

“I never suspected that.” 

“It’s just… I don’t know when will be the right time. And… I want everyone to be there. That should be there.” Saying this hurt your heart a little. Thor was gone almost all the time. He’d be happy for the two of you, no doubt. But there was also Bruce. Nobody knew his whereabouts. Still. Was it right to just continue living life when he’d been gone for so long? Surely if he was alright he would have made contact by now, wouldn’t he have? Tony and he were so close… 

A sure blue formed over Tony then, and that smirk disappeared almost instantly. “Yeah.” Said out on a sigh. “Seems like we’re caught in the middle of conflicting ideologies here.” 

Making you realize you both said you may have wanted to just call it quits on a wedding and get married soon and that you wanted to delay until it felt right. Which one was it? It couldn’t be both. “...there’s no rush, right?” Asking him this almost guiltily. 

Something that seemed to sadden him. “Of course not. If I made you feel that way-” 

“You didn’t.” Assuring him of this quickly, not wanting him to take the blame for your messy feelings. 

He stopped moving in time with the music, moving his right hand from your hip so that he could take yours from his chest. Lifting, he pressed a kiss to the back, and then to the side, and then just over your knuckles. “I love you. If you wanted to sign papers tomorrow, we’d go. If you want to wait a few more years to make it official, we will.” Because Tony would do whatever you wanted. 

...but… 

“What do you want?” 

“I want…” He was almost quick into answering this but stopped himself. Seemed like he really wanted to consider this before whipping an answer out. “I want you to be happy.” 

This answer was was both satisfying and yet completely unsatisfying. “I want you to be happy, too.” 

“You being happy makes me happy.” 

This was getting absurd. And when both of you realized that, the smiles and laughter weren’t too far behind. In fact, as his eyes closed with that breathy bout of chuckles, he pressed the rumbling noise against the inside of your palm. It was too much to ask that you didn’t fall apart over him. “I love you, Tony.” 

“I love you.” His answer was immediate and genuine. “It’s a wonder anything gets done around here.” The two of you only just realizing, somehow, that you let a lot (if not all) of your actions be guided by the sense of how it would affect one another. How was it then that you didn’t just circle endlessly? 

“I think we’re doing alright.” 

He leaned in, lips just barely touching yours. “I think so, too.” 

                                                              ---

Another hour slipped by, most of which was filled with one-and-a-half more glasses of wine that was still a mistake and woozy, lovey dancing. You weren’t worried about your consumption of alcohol or what it would do to you because you had Tony with you. But because you had Tony with you, that hour later and some blood alcohol level higher than when you started was pointing you in the direction of home. You wanted to be free from this environment and just be home. With Tony. ...but that wine in your system was also pointing you towards the bathroom. Which would be wise before you got into a car and went back home. So you asked Tony to hold your clutch for you and wait somewhere fairly close. You wouldn’t take long. And you didn’t. ...at least you were sure you hadn’t. Just a quick pee, a reasonable amount of time washing your hands, drying them, getting the little lotions and the… whatever else the bathroom attendant was telling you. The words went in one ear and out the other- and she had a lot of them. It seemed like she just couldn’t stop talking. Politeness eventually ran out and you excused yourself from her presence. Lucky for you your dress had pockets and you were not a fool. Not tipping was one of the worst faux pas one could commit. Especially after running off. 

While you were sure you hadn’t been in there too long, Tony was nowhere to be seen when you emerged. Which was strange. And probably also a red flag. You thought he may have gone back to the bar for a quick drink before the two of you called Happy for an escort home- but he wasn’t there either. ...however. You did spot Ward Meachum there. Joy’s weird older brother. Fawning over two glasses of champagne. He had his back mostly turned. And another second later you wouldn’t have cared why or even paid any attention. Except seconds were running a little long for you- and you saw him half turned away- breaking a capsule open over one of the glasses. It was then your duty to keep an eye on him- to warn whatever poor girl he was about to hand that glass to- whomever he was planning on dragging out of here tonight. Surprise, surprise. That girl was apparently you. 

He headed one way, looking for you, and then turned in your direction, spotting you. For a moment you felt glued in place. He couldn’t be serious, right? Maybe you hadn’t seen that correctly… maybe your vision was just as impaired as your judgment. 

His smile was cold. And his guts were nervous. That told you about all you needed to know. He called your name a few feet before closing the deal. Sticking you in your spot. There against the wall where his figure stood over you. Blocking you from view. “I’ve been looking for you.” 

“I can’t imagine why.” You tried to be careful and calculating, but your brain was a little mushy. Ward had put something in a drink he seemed like he was about to hand off to you- ...no, that couldn’t be, right? He just… he wouldn’t do that- 

“I wanted to apologize for the way my sister acted earlier. She often feels like it’s her against the world, so I hope you didn’t take it too personally.” He was still smiling. You said nothing. Which made him uncomfortable. Maybe it was just the way you were looking at him. “Look- I uh… I know we haven’t spent much time around each other, but I think this whole Danny Rand business is a perfect time to get to know one another.” 

“Why’s that?” 

“Because you seem to be helping him. And I can’t imagine why that is.” He delivered this with such cruelty. Like he had something over you- or at least he soon would. 

“Maybe I believe him.” You tried to draw yourself up tall and strong, straightening out your spine, putting a hand on your hip. 

“So you admit it.” Like he’d caught you in a trap. 

You simply smiled back at him then, something serene. “I’ve done nothing wrong.” 

“Maybe not. But I also think you’re not a fool. So I’m having trouble figuring out how this crazy man off the street duped you. You’re at the top of your game. You’re smart. You’re cunning. Yet you’re wasting money on this sham?” It was obvious what he was doing. Trying to butter you up. 

Regardless of if everything he was saying was true- and it was. Which was exactly why you weren’t falling for this act. 

He took your silence as permission to keep prattling on. “Aren’t you busy? Don’t you have better things to be doing than entertaining psychosis?” 

“And what should I be doing with my time?” 

“Spending it with me-” He finally held out that glass. “-in a purely professional sense, of course. I’m not a fool to get in between you and Stark. But I think it’s long overdue that Stark Industries and Rand Enterprises had a sit down.” 

Ward Meachum was handing you a glass of overly expensive champagne that he’d drugged.

You knew this. You knew this- so you had every defense against it. There was no reason to be frightened of him. But you were. Because he was doing this. In the middle of a party. Where everyone and anyone could see him. He was doing it in a place where Tony was probably not very far away- and if he got caught, he was liable to be murdered. At the very least thrown in jail- 

But he was doing it anyway. Because he had every intention of you swallowing that down and then whisking you off somewhere to do god knew what with you. He felt safe. He thought he could get away with it.

...that thought alone was terrifying. 

It was why, when you stood there. Stuck. Staring at that glass, he smiled again, and tried to press it into your hand. “That’s a glass of 1914 Moët & Chandon. Figured I’d get something expensive to celebrate our potential partnership.”

With a steady hand you reached out to take that glass, and sensed the writhing satisfaction inside of him. Because he was getting away with this. That was at least until you looked away from that glass, finally, and up at him. “If you seriously drugged this champagne, Danny Rand coming back from the dead will be the least of your problems.” Promising him this. Warning him. 

His victory died. Immediately. Instead an icy fright wormed its way through his veins. He quickly took the glass back. “That’s- that’s quite an accusation. I know your other job probably has you paranoid but-” 

“What? You thought you’d just get away with that?” 

“Get away with what?” Tony had finally reappeared, just behind Ward- and of course, an out of breath Joy was in tow. Tony had probably come looking for you when he’d realized he was being bamboozled. Joy had taken him away so that Ward could come get you. 

And- with the safety of Tony there- his protection and… the frightening and mortifying thought that Ward Meachum had had plans to do something with you- you kind of… lost it a little. Your voice raised and your point was just short of frantic. “He just tried to give me drugged champagne.” 

Ward was suddenly sweating. “She’s- I think you need to take her home. She’s had one too many.” 

Tony’s focus was laser sharp. Dark and intense. And… terribly angry. “Give me the glass.” Demanding. Basically laying down the sudden law. Ward seemed like he might actually do it- as if Tony had powers of authority he just couldn’t deny- but Joy shifted around Tony and then bumped into Ward. Shoving him, more like it. He dropped the glass in an act that was entirely see-through. It shattered on the floor. He then held his hand up. “Ah- we’ll have to get someone to clean that up- come on, Joy…” Trying to make a hasty exit. 

The siblings were quick to leave, and Tony stepped forward with a mind to grab Ward. Probably by his collar. Or his throat. But you put your own hand around his arm to stop him. Causing a scene here was probably their plan-B. The problem was, Tony was overwhelmingly furious. And he now had nowhere to put it. “You saw him put something in your drink?” Not asking you because he doubted you. Asking you so that it would give him permission to go after them. And while you didn’t want him to do that- not here, anyway- you nodded. “At the bar. I know I’m a little drunk, but not that drunk. Joy carted you off- and I think they paid off my bathroom attendant, she wouldn’t let me leave.” All in an attempt to isolate you and give Ward enough time to do the deed. 

The serious look Tony wore was not one of your favorites. He then crouched down without another word, shifting his arm forward to reveal his watch from underneath his sleeve. He tapped on the front screen, activating it. It was similar to the one he’d given you- the one meant to be an interim defense mechanism while he was still working on your new Reactor. Two plates shifted out from the face. He then dipped his fingers in the liquid pooled on the floor and touched it against the glass sticking out of the left side. “FRIDAY, give me a full compound analysis.” 

“Yes, boss.” 

People were staring. Tony Stark was practically kneeling on the ballroom floor after Ward and Joy Meachum had run away. With some new shiny gadget activated. What was going on! How exciting! 

FRIDAY was quick. “Assuming you’re not looking for the beverage details, but I’ve found-” A small holographic chart beamed to life. “-muscarine and scopolamine. Enough to be fatal about three hours after consumption.” 

You didn’t know what those two compounds were. You didn’t really need to. The way Tony’s heart felt like it was twisting told you all you needed to know. It wasn’t that he intended to have you drink that glass and dump you in an alley to die. There were three whole hours before that. 

Hours he had probably been planning on filling with- 

“Let’s go.” You put a hand on Tony’s shoulder. The way he was looking at you… he wanted you to give him permission to go after Ward, still. In fact he needed it. But you couldn’t let him do that. “...please.” 

It took him a moment, and it was only through great strength that he ignored his instincts to throttle the man that had intended to drug you. But finally he stood. His hand found yours in a tight hold. “Why would he do that? And why here?” 

“They thought they could get away with it.” That was really the only answer you had. Why else would they? You had threatened their business and propped up a potential king to their throne. They wanted you gone. 

But so did everyone else. So they’d have to get in line. 

                                                              ---

The ride home had been quiet but intense. As soon as you’d gotten upstairs into the penthouse, the two of you had sat down on the foyer couch, still in your evening wear. You’d snuggled up to him, legs underneath you, head on his shoulder, and his arm had come around you all the way so that his fingers could sink into your hair and work against your scalp. Dvahli had not waited long to curl up across both your laps. Tony was the braver of the two of you- or perhaps he was just still unable to process that mountain of anger the right way. He had nowhere to put it. Didn’t know what to do with it. “Let’s put a story out to the press tomorrow.” -...and going with paparazzi buzz was certainly not his style. 

“They’d eat it up, for sure.” If the Starks accused the Meachums of trying to pump you full of date rape drugs, the entire world would be foaming at the mouth for more, more, more. What a sensational story. ...you didn’t want to deal with all that. You weren’t sure you could. Wouldn’t that paint you as an unwitting victim? Wouldn’t it make it seem like that was possible? It shouldn’t have been…  “But. They’re in the middle of a losing battle.” 

The breath out of him was tight. “You have eyes on Rand?” He wasn’t really asking if you’d been following up with what he was doing. He was asking if there’d been any sort of progress. Or if it had panned out the way you wanted it to. “No.” Being truthful. After you’d sent him on his way you’d tried not to involve yourself anymore. 

“Then how do you know that?” This cut you a little, the way he was just short of accusing you. The feeling must have slithered between you because he was quick to correct himself. “It’s not that I don’t believe you- if you say the guy is Danny Rand, then he is. But look at what they just tried to do to you. Think of what they’ll try to do to him.” 

He had an excellent point. As always. “You’re right. But. Danny’s not normal. He’s not going down without a fight.” 

You watched as Tony’s opposite hand waved around while he spoke. “Right. Because he’s been palling around with Lando in Cloud City. I remember.” Tony’s annoyance was now mixed with his overwhelming frustration. He was getting sassy. At you. So you sat away from him, unfortunately disturbing Dvahli who made a sad noise over it. But you looked at him. He looked at you. Dvahli looked between the both of you. Tony broke first with a frown. “I’m sorry. I just… what am I supposed to do?” 

Asking you this earnestly. He’d just been told that the love of his life had been on the end of a scheme meant to drug her and murder her. What was he supposed to do with everything he was feeling? 

Settling again, you turned, putting a hand on Dvahli to comfort her, and then did the same to Tony, holding his face in your other palm. His hand reached up, closing around your wrist. Holding tight to you. “Let’s… think about the alternatives.” 

“Let’s not.” 

“No, let’s do.” Trying to urge him. He quieted when he sensed your resolve. “Let’s pretend we live in a world where I would have been stupid enough to take even a sip of that champagne. I know Joy had been trying to pull you away, but I also know you were waiting for me. I never would have left with him. You would have stopped us. And you would have realized something was wrong with me. Taken me to the labs. Worked on a way to fix me. Like you always do.” 

In this fabricated world where Ward Meachum had gotten away with this, Tony still would have rescued you. You knew this. And you knew he knew it too. This wouldn’t have ended with your shame, your humiliation and degradation and then death. It just wouldn’t have. Because of him. 

...but apparently he wasn’t feeling confident enough to buy into this. “What if I hadn’t?” Fixating on the worst possible outcome. Probably because he couldn’t stop himself. “What if I hadn’t seen you coming out of the bathroom. Or him talking to you. Him taking you away. What then?” 

Then… Then Tony would have been responsible for your death. That’s how he felt. And that feeling was very heavy and terrible. 

“But more than that-” He continued, eyes watching yours. Pleading. “More than these hypotheticals- you want me to sit here when they planned to do that and not do anything about it?” 

You wanted to let them get away with it. That’s what he was implying. Second only to begging to understand why he couldn’t go after them over this. They hadn’t gotten away with it, but they’d still planned to do it. Didn’t that deserve some kind of action? 

Again when you didn’t answer, he spoke. “What if it were me?” 

This was a dirty play. Because only a few days ago you’d told him exactly what you would have done. According to you, you would have scorched the earth for him. And now you were denying him the chance to return that. That wasn’t very fair. And it was eating him up inside. He wanted something. 

...so… 

Leaning forward, you rested your forehead against his. “Please�� let’s see how this Danny Rand stuff pans out.” He sucked in a breath to try and argue with you, but you put two fingers against his lips. “And if it doesn’t… you have my permission to drag Ward Meachum to a defunct SHIELD blacksite. And after that I don’t wanna know.” 

Tony was not a murderer. Not like that. But because it was you… who knew the lengths he would go to. This was all talk. So that made it okay. And he needed some feeling of release. This seemed to grant it to him. 

He eased, lips curving into a tired smile against your fingers. When you let your hand away from his face, “Thank you.” Then, now feeling better, he found the strength to joke. “Is it so much to ask that I be able to murder the people who try to hurt my wife?” 

“I guess not- but- I’m also not your wife.” 

“Not yet. It’s been proven that if I bug you enough about something, eventually you’ll give in.” His grin was sweet and handsome. “You’re already thinking about it.” Going to just sign papers, he meant.

Eloping. And he was right. Maybe he really did have it all figured out. “Yeah. Well. I still have some more thinking to do yet.” 

The way he was gazing at you made your heart melt. But it was his calm, quiet yet deep tone that had you yearning for him. “I’ve got time.” 

[chickensarentcheap]

Sanctuary - Chapter 58

Warnings: none

Tagging: @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @alievans007​, @thunderintheshadows​, @valkyrie-of-the-light​

The team meeting/breakfast is scheduled for nine am; out on the roof top patio of Tyler's hotel.  He's the last to arrive, hair still messy from sleep, laces of his boots undone, sunglasses covering his tired eyes.  He'd finally managed to fall asleep shortly before three am, only to wake up every hour on the hour in a panic, body drenched in a cold sweat because of the nightmarish images that his brain just couldn't shake.  He'd been dying for a drink; tempted by the unlocked mini bar in the corner of the room. The irrational side of his mind telling him that he'd be okay with just one or two. That he'd be able to just put the bottle down and walk away when he got even the smallest bit of buzz going on. Only to be talked out of it by the more mature and rational part; that he wouldn't be able to stop, that he'd drink until he was fall down drunk and then all of his progress, even in such a short period of time, would be for nothing. Instead he texted his wife and been brutally honest. That he was having a hard time and so close to slipping. That the situation in Christchurch was way worse than it originally seemed and he was legitimately scared; that he wasn't going to make it home to her and his kids. And she'd called him right away to talk him down. Never scolding or nagging. Just quiet and supportive. Strong.

It was six in the morning when they'd finally hung up. And he'd managed to fall into a somewhat restful sleep;  successfully talked down off the ledge,  both mind and body ready to let him rest. Then the phone had gone off at eight thirty and he'd immediately panicked; thinking that something had happened and he'd be needed to get home as soon as possible. Only to discover that it was the kids. They'd just gotten home and after an excited and joyful reunion with their mother, had wanted to call him.  Excitedly blabbering about all of the fun things they'd done with Ovi and Chloe while they were on 'vacation', all the cool new foods they got to try,  the trips to the zoo.  But they'd been sad too; they'd missed home and everything that came with it. All the toys and their own beds and their backyard and even the chickens and the goats.  Most of all, they'd missed their mom. Her kisses and her hugs and the way she cuts the crust off their sandwiches.  And they'd been hopeful when they'd seen her that it had meant he was home too.  Only to be heartbroken and disappointed when they found out he was still working.

So now he's late. By a mere five minutes. But he sees the way Mark glares at him as he approaches. There's no love lost between them. And Tyler seriously considers what Yaz had said the day before; about waiting until the job was over and then just dragging Mark out into the street and laying the beating of a lifetime on him.  

“All good?” Yaz asks, as Tyler takes a seat beside him, then slides a cup of steaming black coffee towards him.

“All good.”

“Things are okay at home? With...well you know...”

He nods. “Things are fine with that. She's fine. Kids finally got back. They called wanting to talk to me, so...”

Across the table, Mark gives a derisive snort, shaking his head as he pretends to be immersed in his menu.

“What the fuck now?” Tyler asks. “You have an issue with me talking to my kids?”

“We don't have time for you to be dealing your personal shit, Rake.”

“They're his kids,” Yaz forcefully reminds Mark. “Who he isn't seen in almost a month. He's not supposed to talk to his kids now? Get out of here with that shit. They wanted to talk to their dad. What is wrong with you?”

“You either leave your shit back home or you don't show up,” Mark reasons.

“They're kids,” Nathan pipes up.  “Little kids. They're not allowed to talk to their father?”

“We don't have time to be dealing with wives and girlfriends and kids and whatever the hell else.  Are we not here to work? How are we supposed to get any shit done when some of you are too busy dealing with personal crap? Stow that shit and get on with business.”

“Sounds like someone is just bitter they don't have a personal life to worry about,” Yaz remarks, as he goes back to his own menu.  “Because my sister was smart enough to move on to someone else.”

“There was never anything between me and your sister,” Mark informs him. “It was just...a thing...”

Tyler smirks.  “A thing, huh? So that's what the kids are calling phone sex these days.  Don't be mad, Mark. That some of us are actually having real sex while you're resorting to handling things on your own. We won't hold it against you. Just don't expect me to shake your hand though. I don't want to be touching something that's been attached to your dick.”

Yaz smirks and coughs noisily beside him.

“And I'll talk to my kids whenever the fuck I feel like it,” Tyler adds. “When I talk to my kids or my wife has nothing to do with you. Or is that what the real issue is? The fact that she's my wife and not yours. You fucked that up, buddy. That was over long before I came around. I'm just the one that cleaned up your goddamn mess.”

“Hey, if you like someone else's sloppy seconds, that's your business,” Mark retorts. “You two are made for each other. You're both fucking train wrecks.”

“Just admit you're pissed off that your ex moved on to bigger and better,” Yaz says. “That you screwed things up and now you've got to live with that and he gets to live with her. Not his fault you're a cheating, wife abusing bastard.”

“Cheating, narcissistic, wife abusing bastard,” Tyler corrects. “You left out narcissistic.  Just let it go, Mark. I'm not in the mood for your shit. I'm never in the mood for your shit. But especially not now. I haven't seen my kids in almost a month, my wife isn't doing well and just got out of the hospital, and I'm here putting up with your crap. So how about you just sit there and shut the fuck up.”

Mark frowns. “She was in the hospital? Why?”

“Oh now he's worried about her,”  Yaz scoffs. “Not when he was beating the shit out of her. But now. Now that she's with a guy that doesn't do that kind of shit.  Why was she in the hospital? How about it's none of your goddamn business.”

“She hasn't been feeling well and thought maybe there was a problems with the baby,” Tyler casually explains, sipping his coffee.

Mark's frown deepens. “Baby? What baby?”

“The one that I put inside of her almost four months ago. That baby.”

“Say what you want about the man, but he's got seriously talented sperm,” Yaz digs a playful elbow into his friend's ribs. “And lots to spare, apparently.”

Congratulations go up around the table; followed by his personal cell phone being passed around in order to proudly show off the ultrasound photos that his wife had sent to him. It isn't his first rodeo; he's been this round four times now. But each time feels just as amazing as the last; seeing the pictures, watching her grow bigger with their child, his child, thinking about how incredible it is that despite all of their issues, they managed to create another human being together.  And it's bittersweet in a way. That this will be the last one.  The last chance that he has to go through the experience with her yet he here is, thousands of miles away.

A waitress comes to take their orders and talk eventually turns to the job at hand. Most specifically, his talk with Heather McMann the day before.

“Think she's trust worthy?” Yaz inquires. “Did she seem on the up and up?”

“Seemed that way,” Tyler replies. “But then so did her husband and look at how that ended up.”

“Definitely not your brightest moment,” Mark snidely comments.

Tyler chooses to ignore it.  “Unless she's a really good actress, there is no way she was lying. It was too real; the emotion on her face, in her voice.”

He realizes how much he sounds like Esme; when she's going on about how there's times where he communicates more effectively with his facial expressions and his body language than with actual words. She always knows what he's feeling...what he's thinking...long before he ever verbally expresses them.   That is how it had been with Heather McMann.  It wasn't what he'd heard. It was what he'd seen. And everything told him that it was very, very real.

“And the kids are in there?” Mark asks. “In that shop?”

“In the basement. She says it's like an underground bunker down there. Just like the one back home. It would look like this...” he snatches the pen that Yaz has tucked in the breast pocket of his short sleeved button down, and then grabs the unused napkin underneath his own cutlery. “One long hallway...” he speaks as he hastily draws the layout. “...there's a room immediately to the left of the stairs. Small. Five by six, if that. Another room about four feet down the hall, to the right. Slightly bigger. I'm saying about seven by eight, maybe. Five more rooms after that. Directly across from one another. The first three are the same size; eight by nine. Last two are bigger. The one where Esme found the chair was eleven by twelve. The one where I found Erin Ferguson was large. Thirteen by fifteen. There's a door, at the end of the hall; just leads to a small cold storage area. No other entrance or exit. Just the main one. Hallway is three hundred and fifty feet. Give or take a couple of inches.”

“And you were able to know all of this...all these measurements...even though it was dark down there?” Mark smirks. “How?”

“Because I have two fucking feet and I know how to count without having to use my fingers. That's how. I walked that entire place. We walked it. I know exactly how many feet there were.”

Just like he'd known exactly how many it took to get as far as he did on the Sultana Kamal Bridge. Because he'd counted down every single one; each step taking him not only closer to freedom and safety, but to her. A number that...as soon as he'd been healthy enough...he'd had tattooed on the inside of his right bicep. Along with each of the kids' first and middle initials and their dates of birth.

“And I never once mentioned that it was dark down there,” he adds. “How did you know that?”

“So maybe it wasn't completely dark,” Mark corrects himself. “Just the rooms. The hallway had light.”

Tyler scowls. “But I never mentioned that. To any of you. This is the first time I've talked about what it was like down there since it happened. How'd you know that the only light was in the hallway?”

“I guess I just assumed,” Mark shrugs. “I mean, there's only so many options when you're underground, right?”

“You absolute motherfucker,” Tyler's eyes darken, his voice becoming menacing as the reality sinks in.  “It was you. You're the one that told McMann we were going there. When Esme asked you to distract him so we could go there and poke around.”

Mark gives a dry laugh. “Okay, that's really reaching, Rake. Your brain really is messed up if you can jump to shitty ass conclusions like that so fast.”

“She trusted you. I trusted you. You told him as soon as you met him up with him, didn't you. That's how he was able to get things together so quickly. He knew exactly how long it would take us to get there. It gave him enough time to get his people there and have someone fuck up the comms. Or was that you, too? FBI would know how to do shit like that, right?”

“You're crazy,” Mark declares. “You've officially gone right off the deep end. Snapped that last shred of sanity you've been hanging onto. I told Esme this would happen you know.  That one day you'd just lose it all together. I'm glad it didn't happen when you were at home. You'd probably be one of those guy's that would go completely psycho and kill his entire family...”

“Listen you little fuck...”  there's a loud clatter of silverware and china as he leans across the table, a fist snatching Mark by the front of his golf shirt.  Around them, conversations and laughter all come to a stand still as every eye on the place zeros in on the altercation taking place before them.  “...for the last time, leave my family out of this. Don't talk about them, don't even think about them.”

“Okay...okay...” Yaz once again resorts to playing peacemaker. “...I get you want to kill him, but we're in a public place and the last thing we need to do is draw attention to ourselves. So please calm the fuck down.”

Tyler releases his grip on Mark's shirt, but roughly shoves him back into his chair. “I trusted you. I took her word for it that you wouldn't totally fuck us and you did. You knew she was going with me. You knew she'd be there. And you told him. Do you know what could have happened to her? If I hadn't have told her to leave? Do you have any idea the sick shit they would have done to her? Or didn't that matter to you. As long as you got rid of me, you didn't give a shit what happened to her.”

“Is this true?” Yaz asks. “What he's saying? Were you the one that told McMann about Tyler and Esme going there?”

“I never said a goddamn word. He's crazy. Certifiably crazy. We all know his issues. How fucked up in the head he is. Doesn't this prove that?”

“I'm fucked up in the head?” Tyler retorts. “You're calling me fucked up in the head yet you're the one that knew what would happen to her if they got a hold of her? You hate me that much that you'd let that happen? You'd let them do that her? To my wife?”

“Is it true?” Yaz presses. “Just tell us that. Were you the one who told McMann that they'd be at the house? Yes or no.”

Mark sighs heavily. “Yes.”

“Jesus...fuck...” Yaz mutters, as Nathan throws his hands up in surrender of the whole screwed up situation and walks away from the table. “...you can't be serious. Why the hell?”

“Money,” Mark simply replies. “He offered me a lot of money.”

“Holy shit,” Zak shakes his head in disbelief and gets up from the table as well. “This is fucked. You're fucked, Mark. We're supposed to be a fucking team! You brought us here to help and you're going around doing shit like this? For money?”

“He needed help,” Mark says. “He'd already screwed up once when it came to killing you. He thought for the second time would work.”

“And it didn't matter that she was with me,” Tyler states. “It didn't matter what they do to her. None of that mattered to you.”

Mark shrugs. “Collateral damage.”

“You didn't care if my kids were left without their father or their mother?”

“Whatever had to be done to take you out. If that meant she went too...” he shrugs once more.

Sighing heavily, Tyler shakes his head and leans back in his chair, elbow on the arm rest; palm pressed against his forehead as he closes his eyes.

“Guess things were really fucked once we grabbed McMann, huh?” Yaz inquires. “Guess that's why you were hell bent on getting Tyler to change his mind about wanting to torture his ass. You didn't want anything to happen to your boss. In case there was a chance to make more money.”

“Are you kidding?” Mark laughs. “I was glad when we got rid of him. Means I didn't have to worry about him anymore.”

“You mean you didn't have to worry about him ratting you out,” Yaz concludes. “You realize that we're going to have to cut you loose, right? That this goes way beyond fucking things up. You were going to kill one of your own teammates. Or have someone else kill them. Like what the hell man? For what? Money? Or did this go beyond that? Was this a more personal thing? All because you didn't like the fact that your ex moved on?”

“I gotta get out of here,” Tyler pushes his chair away from the table, taking money from his wallet and tossing it down.

The anxiety is too far out of control; chest tightening, sweat beginning to gather at the small of his back and the nape of his back,  the faint quell of nausea as bile sits in his throat. And he's vaguely aware of the sarcastic, cutting comment Mark makes at expense as he leaves; strides long and purposeful as they take him across  the busy roof top patio and through the restaurant. Needing to get the hell away...away from the noise...away from the bright lights...away from all the people.  Jamming his finger repeatedly against the down button for the elevator; muttering curses and wiping sweat from his forehead with his forearm and trying to force himself to breathe.

“You okay?” Yaz is suddenly at his side, a concerned look on his face. “What's up? Talk to me?”

“I can't...it's like I can't fucking breathe....”

“Just take it easy.  That was a lot to fucking hear.  You got meds on you or....?”

“I don't need meds. I just need to get out of here. Where there's less noise and less people and...”

Yaz frowns as he glances around the empty hallway. “There's no one even out there. You want me to go with you? You don't look so good.”

He shakes his head. “I'll be fine. I just need to go...I don't know where I need to go...I just know I can't be here...”

“You're not going to do anything stupid are you? I mean, you've got all those guns in your room and...”

“I'm not going to fucking kill myself. I might kill him,” he nods in the direction of the restaurant. “But I'm not going to kill myself.”

“You should call home,” Yaz suggests. “Talk to Esme. She'll know how to talk you down.”

“I don't need to call home. I don't want her fucking worrying about this shit. She's got four kids to take care of and a baby to worry about...”

“And you're the father of those kids and that baby and she deserves to know when you're feeling like this.  Call home. Or I'll do it for you.”

“Stay out of it, Yaz. I know you're trying to help. But stay out of it. I'm trying to keep shit from falling apart. And the more I put on her, the more I'm going to push her away and the more it is going to fall apart.”

“That's bullshit and you know it. Go back to your room, call home, talk to your wife.”

The elevator finally arrives; allowing several people off before stepping into the empty cab.

“Call her!” Yaz orders.

“Stay out of it,” he shoots back, and slams his finger against the close door button.

****

By the time he returns to his room, the photos from Heather McMann have arrived; tucked in a brown paper envelope and stuck between the door and the frame. He'd expected an email or images sent through a text message, so he's surprised -albeit pleasantly- to find that she'd through such efforts to make sure he got exactly what he needed. Once inside he takes half a dozen anti anxiety pills and two Prozac instead of the normal one. And he feels no guilt or shame when he swallows them down with half a bottle of whisky from the bar, leaving the rest on the nightstand as he dumps the contents of the envelope onto the bed. Some of the photos have sticky notes on the back of the them; pointing out small details that he may not notice at first but she felt he needed to know about.  And while the photographs are promising and should be leaving him with more answers than questions, they just aren't enough. They don't put his frantic mind to rest; the conversation with Mark replaying in his mind, the feelings of rage and betrayal, the sense of doom that hangs over him like an ominous dark cloud.

He considers just packing it up and going home. Handing everything off to Yaz and telling him that he's done. Get someone else. That he's not feeling confident enough to get the job done. That his brain is too fucked up to fully focus on what needs to be done. That would be more dangerous than anything else; if he couldn't get his head on straight and commit himself one hundred percent, both he and those kids would die. There was no question about.  It would be best for everyone if he just left; if he accepted defeat just this once and admitted that he wasn't in any shape to carry this job out.

His private cell phone vibrates against his leg and he slips it from the side pocket of his cargos. At first he considers not answering; he's almost done the bottle of the booze and he's considering opening another and once he starts talking to her, he'll confess all his shortcomings and admit to all his bullshit and then it will cause a big old thing between them. She'll be pissed off. Disappointed. Not meaning to call him a failure but making him feel like one nonetheless.  He reminds himself that that's just bullshit; his brain trying to convince him that everyone...even her...is out to get him. She's never...even in the midst of his biggest fuck ups...made him feel like he was a complete and utter disaster.

So he answers it; catching it on the last ring before it goes to voice mail.

“Everything okay?” he asks in way of greeting. “You and the kids okay?”

“What the hell is going on, Tyler?” her response is straight to the point. Yet it's not anger in her voice. It's hurt. Confusion.  “Yaz just called. What is going on over there?”

“What did he tell you?”

“Something about Mark being involved with McMann and being the one that told McMann that we'd be at the house that day. That McMann offered him money for information? What the fuck, Tyler?”

“Okay, I'm going to need you to calm down. Less stress, remember? So just take it easy...”

“How the hell am I supposed to take it easy? You're thousands of miles away, getting ready to walk into some pretty dangerous shit with no proper help and no proper back up and...”

“Esme,” his tone is firm. “Calm down. We shouldn't even be talking about this. The kids...”

“The kids are outside with Ovi and Kyle. They can't hear a thing I'm saying. You need to start talking. You need to tell me what the fuck is happening before I get on the next plane to New Zealand. Because you damn well know I'll do it and I know it's the last thing you want. So you either start telling me what the hell is happening or I swear to God. Tyler, I will show up on your doorstep and there won't be a goddamn thing you can do stop me.”

“Are you going to calm down?” he inquires. “Because I'm not saying shit until you do. So you either calm down or you hang up and call me back when you have your shit together.”

“Don't fucking talk to me like that. I'm not one of your soldiers from your military days that you can boss around. I'm your wife. So don't be a condescending asshole and...”

“Esme!” he snaps. “Calm down or I'll hang up and I won't answer when you call back, understand me?”

“Don't..”

“Understand me?” he presses, and it's then that she takes a long, deep inhale, followed by a shaky, uneven exhale. “Are you good? Are you done flipping your shit on me? I need you stay calm. And that baby needs you stay calm. Do you want something happening? Because I don't”

“Of course I don't. But I also don't want anything happening to you. And if what Yaz said is true...”

“McMann gave Mark money...or at least offered him money...to tell him that we were going to be at the house.”

“But why? For what purpose? To kill you? So McMann wouldn't have to get his own hands dirty?”

“Apparently. And he told him even though Mark knew you'd be with me. Meaning if they'd gotten a hold of you...”

“And that's what really set you off. Yaz said you had a panic attack.”

“He should have kept his mouth shut.”

“No. He shouldn't have. You should stop assuming that I'm some weak and fragile little girl that can't handle these things. I've been handling them for five and a half years, Tyler. I spent months sleeping in a chair in a hospital, dealing with a lot worse than this. Having people constantly telling me that you weren't going to survive or that if you did you'd be brain damaged and I'd spend the rest of my life taking care of you. You think this is bad? This isn't half as bad as the things I heard and the things I was prepared to do. You always go on and on about how strong I am. Well start treating me like I am!”

He's surprised by the forcefulness in her voice.  

“You get so caught up thinking you constantly need to protect me. And I understand why you're like that. I do. We've been through a lot of together. We've been through some terribly shitty and scary things. But you don't need to be this way. It's frustrating and it's annoying and it's suffocating. And I don't know why you can't see that. You need to stop. More importantly, I need you to stop.  Stop protecting me and start trusting me that I can handle things.”

'You're right,” he reluctantly admits. “I know how much you hate it. The whole overprotective thing. And I don't mean to be that way. But I also can't help it. I can't stop wanting to keep you safe.”

“I'm not saying you need to stop. I'm saying you need to tone it down a bit. I'm not one of the people you get hired to get out of shitty situations.  Dhaka was five and a half years ago. You did what you needed to do. I survived. Now you need to start acting like we're not still stuck back there and you're still trying to find a way to get me out of there. You always tell me I need to let it go. Maybe there's parts of it you still need to let go too.”

He sighs heavily, then reaches for the bottle of whisky and drains it.

“What's going to happen now?” she asks. “With Mark??”

“I don't know. Nik can take care of that. She brought him into this, she can take him out of it.”

“I never should have asked him for help. If I'd never asked him...”

“Don't do that. This isn't your fault. You didn't know he was going to turn around and do something like this.”

“Still, if I hadn't have asked him...”

“Esme...stop. This isn't on you. You didn't know he was going to turn out like this. Let Nik take care of it. There's nothing either of us can do about him.”

“You could always kick the shit out of him.”

“I'm tempted. Believe me. Beyond tempted, even.”

“But you're okay, right? Because that's all that matters to me. That you've calmed down and you're okay.”

“Yeah,” he glances over at the empty whisky bottle. “I'm okay.”

“Is there any good news? Are you any closer to getting those kids and getting the fuck home? Because we kind of miss you here.”

“I miss you guys too. And I'd come home right now if I could. And maybe I should. Maybe I should just say 'fuck this' and tell Nik to find someone else. Because I'm so sick of this shit. I'm tired and I'm sore and I just want to see you and the kids. I've had enough. I can't do this anymore. This life. I just can't.”

“Tyler....”

“I can't...” he insists, and his voice finally cracks under the weight of the emotion that he's been carrying around. Is it weeks? Months? Years even? He doesn't know for sure. But the burden has been huge and heavy, and despite his best attempts, he just can't carry it any longer.  “...I can't do this...mentally...I just can't...I need to come home.  I'm no good to those kids if I stay. I can't get them out of there. Not when I'm like this.”

“Tyler...”

“It'll just make things worse,” he continues, letting both the words and the tears flow. “I can't get past it. What's going on in my head. There's so much going on and it won't leave me alone. It never leaves me alone. It's never quiet up there anymore and I can't take it.  I need it to be quiet. I need it to leave me alone and it won't if I stay here. It'll never leave me alone. And I can't live like this any longer. I just can't.”

“Come home,” she says. Simple. Straight to the point. “You need to come home.”

He nods in agreement, using the back of his hand to clear the tears off his face.  

“You've done enough. For other people. Now you need to come home and get better.”

“I can't do it by myself,” he admits.  “I know I can't.”

“You don't have to. You know that. You're not alone in this.  I'll help you.  And I wish I was there right now. I'd do anything to be there with you. You know that, right?”

“I do. I do know that.”

“Just come home, Tyler,” she says. “It's time to come home.”

[uptowngrrrl]

Playlist: Lovebirds.

So, I’ve been searching for songs (Indonesian and English) that suitable for lovebirds. If you are currently in love, or recently dating someone or should I say, ‘Kasmaran’ then this playlist could be suitable for you!

1. Daniel Caesar ft. H.E.R - Best Part.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYs5mXBheuI

This song is currently loved by almost everyone. This, is the song where someone wants to describe her/his special one in a reaaaaalllyy romantic way. It goes like,

You're the coffee that I need in the morning You're my sunshine in the rain when it's pouring Won't you give yourself to me Give it all, oh I just wanna see... I just wanna see how beautiful you are You know that I see it I know you're a star Where you go I follow No matter how far If life is a movie, Oh you're the best part.

If you haven’t hear this song, I suggest you to hear it. Despite the meaning, this song makes you feel relax.

2. Sleeping At Last - Turning Page.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYzM6vSmb1A

Do you remember that time when Bella walked down the altar and Edward was in awe to see the love of his life was finally, going to marry him? This is, the song. This song starts off slow and intimate, but it picks up the pace but still has this relaxing feelings and remains sultry and romantic. Turning Page itself--for me--means new chapter. Where you found ‘the one’ and everything feels like a brand new world, but in a good way. This song is suitable for those who is currently in love, about being happy when you finally found ‘the one’. It’s about a pure love and how special it is and it’s worth every wait, how they feel like they would do anything for their loved one even if they had to wait for a million years just like what Edward did when he was waiting for Bella. We could hear the first lyrics of this song for a ‘proof’ of how the loved one is worth the wait:

I've waited a hundred years But I'd wait a million more for you Nothing prepared me for What the privilege of being yours would do

3. Banda Neira - Sampai Jadi Debu

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFgNKFOdYi8

Seriously, it stole my heart at the first sound. (?) This, is the most beautiful Indonesian love song that was written and composed simply but has a really deep meaning when you heard it. It’s about how a lover tell each other how they have each other, either to love and to be loved or to support and to be supported, until death do them apart. You should hear this song, because this song is really lovely. It has a long intro, but the lyrics is worth the 2 minutes intro.

Tiap pagi menjelang Kau di sampingku Ku aman ada bersama mu Selamanya Sampai kita tua Sampai jadi debu Ku di liang yang satu Ku di sebelahmu

4. Payung Teduh - Untuk Perempuan Yang Sedang Dalam Pelukan

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yUGrMt5WbM

I’m not going to post ‘Akad’ since it is overrated already, and I chose this song instead. This song, I don’t really know about the meaning, actually. But, maybe--just maybe--it’s about a lover who’s in a Long Distance Relationship situation but currently meet up. But, time flies so fast and that night is the last night. The lyrics goes:

Tak terasa gelap pun jatuh Diujung malam menuju pagi yang dingin Hanya ada sedikit bintang malam ini Mungkin karena kau sedang cantik-cantiknya 

This is actually cliche. Because, it means even the stars don’t come out because she’s in her prettiest situation tonight. Tsk tsk, but it still makes my legs wobble, though.

Di malam hari Menuju pagi Sedikit cemas Banyak rindunya

This part means the night is changing to morning anytime soon. He’s afraid, because they are going to be apart again.

5. Coldplay - All I Can Think About Is You

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnLNG0WnGsI

This song is clearly about a man who can’t think anything but someone he loves. He feels like everything in his life is chaotic and unpredictable. His world is like going upside down, making him confused than ever. So, he decided to search, and search, and search, and the truth he searches for is an emotionally satisfying relationship. I'm sure many people try to solve a confusing environment in many different ways, but perhaps we can all learn something from this song meaning’s strategy. He’s to interested to the woman, until it distracted too many thing in his life, but it doesn’t matter. He likes her after all.

Everything is upside down The whole world on a flight path I wonder where they'll go Trouble's on the outside I know But now, all I can think about is you All I can think about is you If all that I’m on earth to do Is solo, then what a lone poor shoe I want to walk in a two

She's the only thing in the world that matters to him at the moment; he's obsessed, but in a ‘in love’ way. And he doesn’t want to walk his life alone, he wants someone to be with him.

[soundsgoodfeelsgood]

Thursday 14th may, day 66

NOTE: i actually wrote this as a presentation letter to a guy on Slowly, but i really liked how it turned out so i thought “hm, might as well post this”. Here you go.

So here are 10 maybe-not-that-interesting facts about me. 

1. My name in italian literally means "clear" and yet i have the same expression capability of a 5-year-old. It takes me forever to express myself in my native langue and I find it easier to speak in english, which can be quite a challenge when talking to my friends as you can imagine. Actually nobody calls me by my name, people usually refer to me by my surname, even my closest friends. (that's Cili if you where wondering, like red hot chili pepper) 

2. In just a month i'll be graduating from high school and in september i'm going to start med school. I don't actually know why i'll be attending it since the very last thing i want to be when i grow up is a doctor. I have really, really low empathy so i don't think i could ever pull that off. Whant i want to be when i grow up is a resercher in neurosciences. There is nothing more fascinating then the human brain. I find utterly...disarming how everything we are, everything we do, all of our thought and movements are decided by how some tiny-iny particles of living matter interact with each other. The human body is the most beautiful of mysteries and everything it does is the result of a tiny miracle. I worship science. I love to find all the science that surrounds me and learn about it. And while i'm quite a thinker the subject i hate the most is philosophy. The only two authors i ever sincerely liked are Plato and Popper. The rest is garbage. 

3. I have quite a memory. I perfectly remember stuff that has happened to me over 10 years ago. Like that one time when i was 8 and i was angry at my friend Dave so i started to throw comic books at him. Or how i used to go around my grandma's garden with my cousins dressed up in Sandocan costumes looking for pinecones that we would later smash in order to eat the pine nuts inside them. And how could I not mention when at 10 my friends and I organised a whole funeral for a ladybug that had drowned in their pool? we made this little raft out of a plastic plate, put the ladybug on it with some flowers and plants and then had a full celtic-like ceremony (we even wrote a eulogy). But the thing i remember the easiest are songs. I know hundres of thousands of song lyrics by heart. My playlist has over 600 songs and i can recognise any of them within 5 seconds (no kidding). Also i have the weirdest music taste. I like Queen as much as One Direction as much as early-2000s pop rock as much as indie as much as musicals. I believe music to be the expression of one's soul. Like, there are some songs that literally speak to the deepest part of me and if i didn't know any better i'd think they were written especially for me. 

4. I'm an INTJ like Christopher Nolan, Elon Musk and Moriarty from Sherlock Holmes. I'm also a Ravenclaw even though Pottermore keeps putting me in Hufflepuff.  As for the zodiac (in which i don't believe in but still read) i'm technically a scorpio but because i was born on the first day of scorpio at five past midnight, my zodiac-obsessed friend keeps telling me i'm a cusp which is something i had no idea existed until she pointed that out. As they say, you never stop learning. 

5. I can solve rubik's cube in under a minute. My friend from robotics clubs tought me. Also, i'm in my schools robotics club. Last year we built a piano-playing robot and we're currently second in italy and forth in europe in our category.  This year we were planning on going to the international competitions but then coronavirus happened so...yeah. Still, robotics is one of the best thing that has ever happened to me. Not for the club itself but for the people I met and for all the beautiful experiences and for that one time in october when we sneaked wine into our hotel room and the next morning i was so hungover i slept the whole day while tecnically competing. 

6. I have a thing for alpacas. I don't know why, i think they're cute. I have a mug with an alpaca on it where i store my markers (i also have a thing for markers). One of my dreams is to see them in Machu Pichu (the alpacas, not the markers). I loooooooove travelling. It's the one thing i could never get tired of. I have an endless list of places i want to visit. My goal is to visit every continent before i turn 30 (the earlier, the better). So far i've been to North America (the USA, twice), Africa (Morocco and Egypt) and i've visited most european capital cities (London, Paris, Berlin, Madrid, Luxemburg, Bruxelles, and many other). As of right now there's Singapore on top of my list, immediatly followed by Peru. Travellig is such a unique experience. Every where you go there's always something new to learn and to discover. Different culture, different food, different languages. I adore languages of all kind. I'm fluent in italian (duh) and english (even tho i make tons of mistakes - i'm sorry), advanced in french and currently learning spanish. 

7. I'm writing a book. Let me rephrase that - I'm writing a trilogy. It's actually a little more complicated than that to be honest. When i started high school i started writing this fairly awful teen-fiction-like novel and than i though to myself: why not make another book where i write the same exact story but from a different point of view and with a totally different style with no reason whatsoever? Five years later, i'm still not even halfway done with a first draft of any of the three books. I mostly use them as a creative outlet, something i do when i'm bored, just for the fun of it. But as stupid as they can be, they're still my creatures and i love them. Even though i'm sort of embarassed of them - no one i know has ever read them. I once tried to show the first few chapters to a group of friends and they still make fun of me for it (but they do it in that friend way that doesn't really offend, you know what i mean?). I just love words so much. I even have a list of favourite words written in my journal. Some exemples are "scrosciare", which is the italian word for the noise of heavy rain falling, and words that are what they mean, like obsolete and cacophonic.

8. if i were to write this last year, i'd tell you i don't believe in friendship. Now, my mind hasn't change that much, i still believe to have no friends in the way i consider a friend is supposed to be. And i know i talked about my friends quite s few times throughout this letter but i usually use this word in absence of something that better explains what i really feel. I'll try to make this as clear as i can. I struggle to make a connection with people. i always feel like people click with each other in misterious ways i have yet to understand. Most of those i identify as my friends are just the people i hang out with. There is no...spiritual connection? It's a little complicated to explain. As if at the beginning of times we were handed some instruction booklets on "human interaction and realtionships" and i lost mine, while everyone else carfully guarded theirs. The word that best describes what i think of most people is afecionado. I don't know where i read it but it pretty much explains it all - someone i feel affection for, but nothing else. I do have a best friend tho. I mean, best friend is quite a big word. I have a human being i feel more connected with in comparison to others. I’ve known him since forever and i hate him. I dont hate hate him as in i want him dead. I love him as a friend, he's a great friend. but i hate him as a human being. He's so goddam perfect it bothers me so much. Have you ever met someone that is just so annoingly good at any thing? well that's him. 

9. I have never fallen in love. Not once. The last time i had a crush i was 11. This is what happens when you are an hopeless romantic who grew up reading love stories and at the same time a creepingly logical human. You have incredibly high expectations. And the only time i kissed someone it was more of a lips-touching-for-a-second kind of experience and we were both very much drunk (it was actually the first out of the three times in my life i ever got drunk, the third being the wine experience in october) When i first met said best friend everyone we knew shipped up ("shipped" as in the fandom term meaning two people should date) and there was a moment this summer when i thought i was developping feelings for him but it was just a second. And i may or may not have dreamed of dating this french guy i saw twice at a drama festival. 

10. I love quotes. I think it's part of the memorising thing - learning quotes by heart. Songs, books, speeches, vines, stand up comedians. I also have a very weird sense of humor, basically anything makes my laugh like bad puns and dank memes. Anyway, i have this thing on my door where i write all the quotes i like. Mostly they're from songs, but i also have two from Dante's Divine Comedy. In italy we study it our third year of high school and my teacher is so obsessed with it that she made us learn over 200 verses by heart. 

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧  Chapter 192

Justin was going to drag his feet on this regardless of any cooperation he’d promised you. That was just a given. It was why, even though you’d sent Burt over there at five in the morning the next day, you knew you couldn’t stay idle. Justin had warned that Hammer Industries was flooding the illegal market with weapons. That had to be stopped, now. And Stark Industries, nor you, needed ownership of Hammer Industries to do it. 

That was why, a little after five AM, you gathered all your Damage Control agents in the building into one large room and laid out a plan of attack. Hammer Industries had three main industrial warehouses in the city. The largest one was in Queens, with two smaller ones out in Industrial City in Brooklyn. You’d take a team of agents to Queens yourself, and dispatch the rest. This had to be done quickly, efficiently, and most important quietly. The Board was a serious flight risk. That could not happen. 

Though it would have been smarter to take the suit, you opted for some sense of solidarity with your DC agents. This wasn’t an Avengers mission. And you were well suited enough with a gun and a bullet proof vest. Easier to be quiet about all this, too, if you didn’t just drop into the middle of the warehouse and start repulsor blasting everything in sight. 

You had all exit points blocked as your team crept up to the building a little past seven. There was no serious movement in the warehouse- though LUNA had alerted you that there were several heat signatures pinging in what looked like a small conference room. Another deal being struck, perhaps? What a great time to make a bust. With silent hand motions, you pointed your agents up back along the fire escape. And when they just at the point of entry- 

Your team busted down the front door. Rats would be crawling out of every hole in this place. Better to catch them all now and get a headcount. “Damage Control- nobody move!” It wasn’t like you really had to announce your presence. It wouldn’t keep anybody where they were, and more specifically, your presence didn’t need an announcement. 

The second they saw you, the firing started. You were light and keen on your feet, weaving in between gunshots and following the sparse light of muzzle flashes in that dim warehouse as the sun was only just starting to rise. When that wasn’t enough to collar the rest of them, you activated your visor and followed the heat signatures towards the back of the warehouse. Someone got the better of you with a board of wood that split across your back, but you let the forward momentum carry you as you tucked down and then fired back at an angle that surely blew the guy’s kneecap to shreds. 

Pain didn’t bother making itself known, although you did feel just a little bit slower. It was what caused more hand-to-hand than you were comfortable with. Someone’s arms around your neck, a fist in your gut. Something you shook with a jump to disperse the weight, knocking the guy off kilter enough to bend forward and throw him into his buddy. Two for the price of one as you put them both in their place. 

Just in time to hear a gunshot you didn’t have time to dodge. But someone did the dodging for you. Your fiance, in fact, dropping down from the warehouse ceiling where he’d no doubt just cut power. The bullet bounced off Iron Man in a ricochet of sparks. “My gun’s bigger.” His voice echoed out as he held a hand out, sending off one clean blast that knocked the attack off his feet and onto his back. “And probably better. Considering your hardware.”

Your smile was tired. “I thought we agreed to keep this quiet.” 

He half turned to you. “And I thought you agreed not to get shot.” 

“I don’t remember agreeing to that.” You put a hand just over his Arc Reactor. 

His helmet slid back, nervous grin waiting there for you on his lips. “Funny. I must have just imagined it, then.” His cold gloved hand touched over yours and the amusement died. “You okay?” 

Before you could answer, your lead agent’s voice called over your comm. “Warehouse is secure. All hostiles down. We have the group upstairs cuffed.” 

You put a hand to your ear, useless as that was. “Got it. We’re on our way up.” 

“Who’s we, ma’am?” 

Tony’s eyes strayed a little as he spoke, “Couldn’t let you guys have all the fun.” 

“I’m not surprised, Mr. Stark.” 

You rolled your eyes with a shake of your head and an even wider smile. Had the two of you gotten that bad? That inseparable that your DC agents had practically planned on Iron Man showing up unannounced? ...well, maybe that wasn’t such a terrible thing. “Shall we?” 

Upstairs your agents had a group of eight men on their knees at gunpoint, already in cuffs. Smart. Never knew when these idiots would try something. And they were seething- that was, until you and Iron Man came through the door. Then that rage turned to panicked ice very quickly. 

You put your hands on your hips. “Well, gentlemen. Whoever doesn’t want to go to prison for the rest of their life will start talking. Now.” 

                                                                 --- 

Damage Control established a very tightly controlled kill zone. No information in or out of any of these warehouses. No texts, no emails, no cell phone calls. No media presence. No whiff of anything amiss. To the Board members of Hammer Industries, today was just another regular Tuesday. The first of December. They were in their conference room in that tall building laughing and talking about nothing relevant. Just another day in millionaire paradise. 

Burt had delivered the papers. You were a go for hostile takeover. 

It was why you and Tony in stellar clean-cut suits burst into their little boardroom, startling everyone into a stand. A little jumpy for businessmen. Then again, when you dealt with black market arms and under the table sales, there was probably cause to be just a little on guard. 

But when they saw who it was they eased, only a little. Agape mouths turned to shark-tooth grins. In Tony’s direction. “Ah, Mr. Stark, we weren’t expecting you. This is quite a surprise.” 

He put a hand up. “I’m not the one you should be worried about.” 

You tossed the rather lengthy book of legal documents, fresh off the press, onto the table where it slid to the center. “Congratulations, gentlemen. You’ve just been bought by Stark Industries. And we’re about to destroy everything you’ve ever cared about.” 

Tony put his hands in his pockets. “Probably just profits. Let’s keep it simple.” 

Sweating began, and fear started up anew. One of them dared to try getting angry though. “You- you can’t do this!” 

You rose to the occasion. “Watch me.” Eying everyone in the room, “I know you thought with Justin gone you were all safe to do whatever you pleased, but I’m here to assure you that’s not the case. I’d also like to let you know that you all have about one sweet minute of freedom remaining. I’d suggest you use it wisely.” 

The oldest man in the room sneered. “You’ve got nothing.” 

Your smile was cruel and instantaneous. “How much would you like to wager on that? You’re talking to the pros of putting away arms dealers and destroying rogue weaponry.” Realization swept the room. “What? You thought you’d just get away with it?” 

One of the men turned to the window. “...so. How much did you pay Hammer for this information?” 

“He came to me, actually.” The fact that an offshore account of Stark Industries had just dumped 500k into Justin Hammer’s Seagate commissary had little to do with any of this. That was your parting gift to him. He would have signed regardless. Tony went strangely impassive. “Seems like you poked your little golden goose one too many times.” 

Raising your hand, you gave one single snap and ended their worlds. DC agents flooded the room, taking every single man there into custody. None fought physically, though they were all yelling and cursing up a storm. As they were being escorted towards the door, you and Tony stepped aside. Though you did offer, “Anyone willing to donate their bank account to the new Stark Industries initiative to help victims of gang violence will get a couple life sentences shaved off their inevitable sentencing, courtesy of the DA.” 

The room emptied out. You and Tony stood still for a minute longer. Just waiting. Taking a breath. Waiting for the edge of anxiety over ending this to calm. He slipped on a pair of his sunglasses and offered you his hand. You followed suit, putting in a dark pair of matching tinted lenses. He gave your hand a squeeze. “Ready, honey?” 

You took a deep breath. “Let’s do it.” 

Someone had called the media to alert them that something big was happening at Hammer Industries. That someone being you, of course. While they were annoying most every other time, using their frenzy did have its merits in certain situations. Such as the one you were walking out into. Pictures being taken thousands of times over, of every single board member being taken away in handcuffs. 

And then all flash-bulbs and microphones were pointed your way as you and Tony stepped out of the office building. Questions were being shouted at you in quick succession. You tried to focus on only the most important ones to your case. 

“Can you tell us what this is all about?” 

“Stark Industries has just bought- and plans to demolish all Hammer Industries warehouses involving weaponry.” 

“Can you tell us why?” 

“They’ve been selling dangerous weaponry under the table. Flooding the streets of New York with them. Profit in exchange for blood. We won’t tolerate that.” 

“Is Justin Hammer behind this?” 

Now this- ...this you had many ways to answer. You could have ignored it, too. Kept your head down. Kept him out of the spotlight. But… “Justin Hammer played a pivotal role in apprehending the men behind this.” 

“I’m sorry- weren’t you the one that put him in jail?” 

“He put himself in jail. Seems like he’s repenting. He came to me with the information. And New York City will be a safer place for it.” 

Justin Hammer was many things. Your enemy? Certainly. A rat? Very much so. But one thing you knew to be true right now… he could handle a little positive spotlight. Maybe it’d do wonders for his rehabilitation. 

                                                                ---

The lights of the camera, the electric buzz of the press, the rounding up of criminals that had been in power for far too long, making such a big purchase, the promise to demolish every inch of Hammer Industries off the face of the earth, oh- being shot at, attacked… it had wound your adrenaline into a high fever pitch. Something you didn’t realize until you’d gotten back to your office. 

-scratch that. Something you didn’t realize until you realized Tony had followed you into your office. 

There was no reason for this. He could have gone back to the labs. He could have gone upstairs. He could have done any number of things that didn’t involve following hot on your heels, closing your office door- locking it- and then standing steady behind you. 

His touch to your shoulder turned you halfway around and there you saw it in the darkness of his eyes, the expanse of his pupils swallowing that otherwise gentle brown whole- 

He drew a small breath in, lips parting to say something, but there wasn’t really much to say. In the next moment the dam broke and it was tough to tell which one of you had actually made the first move. One of your arms moved around his neck, your other hand at the side of his face, and his hands in turn had grabbed at your hips. Lifting and then sliding further down, cupping your ass and then lowering to squeeze the back of your thighs. Pulling you up against him. Just enough to get your weight off the floor so he could put it wherever he pleased. 

Somewhere in the back of your mind you were expecting him to sit you on your desk. That would have been fine. But as his tongue brushed yours and you moaned into his mouth, the next sound out of you was a short startle of surprise. Your back met with a shock of cold glass. He swallowed your gasp and pressed you further- a little harder- against the windows of your office.

Almost instinctively your legs wrapped around his waist in a squeeze and rock forward. He met you there, and what should have been something equally inspiring just drew a frustrated chuckle from your throat. When you had actual control of your voice, “We have too many clothes on for this.” 

His lips curved into a smirk somewhere at the corner of your mouth. “Easy fix.” 

Tilting your head up, you teased the shell of his ear with the tip of your tongue and then nibbled there lightly. He threatened to melt with a shudder, pressing all the more to you, turning his head the other way. Your words were a warm whisper, “You’ll have to let me go.” 

It seemed without much thought he rejected that idea, a small shake of his head. But then he moved back the other way, kiss much softer this time around. Almost pleading somehow. And still as his lips covered yours, “Promise you won’t go far?” Teasing. 

So you gave it back, running the lines of your fingers up along his temple and back through his hair. “Never.” One deeper kiss to quell his insatiable tendencies, and then, “I need you.” His hips practically pinned you then, something that shocked a shiver of delight straight through you. But that made it so much harder for him to actually let you down. 

You even found yourself unsteady on your feet as he set you there- weaker in the knees still as you caught the sight of him slipping one finger into the knot of his tie and then pulling it in one clean swoop. Such an old trick and yet the sight of it now seemed like it was threatening to undo you. Maybe it was just the way he hadn’t taken his eyes off you. You shrugged out of your own suit jacket and then reached up to his own to push it off him. 

His hands were at the sides of your face, unable to stop himself, as he leaned in and kissed you again. Nearly senseless, but you still had enough about you to slide your hands down his chest with quick expertise, pulling every button open without harm. Tony, by contrast, lowered his own hands down to yours and gave a sharp pull, tearing it apart, that had an excited gasp escaping you before you could stop the reaction. The both of you were wound up, there was no reason to pretend otherwise. 

It was why you let him help you out of your undershirt, his hands warm and quick along your skin as he touched up across your back, finding the clasp of your bra. One- maybe two seconds before he unhooked it and rid you of it completely. You only just stepped out of your heels by the time he pressed you against the glass again and this time you really did appreciate just how cold it felt. The sizzle that was offset by his warm hands roaming up your sides, one veering off course completely to tilt your chin up so that he could kiss you again. 

You were getting so completely lost in him. He was taking charge. Control. And you were very happy to let him. Finding it difficult to do much else. You’d said you’d needed him but he was practicing the art of demonstration. You were only just barely able to get his undershirt off before his hands had lowered to your belt, a little tight at your hips before releasing you. His fingers slowed only a little then, perhaps appreciative in their slide at your hips, hooking your underwear, leaning closer in as he so helpfully guided your last articles of clothing off you. 

The kisses slowed. Your arms went around him again. Pressing yourself to him. Begging for him. Utterly lost in him. The sounds of his own belt were quick and clipped. Maybe it was selfish to make him do all the work but he wasn’t complaining. Especially not when his squeezing hands found purchase again at the back of your thighs, lifting you up, holding you there as your legs wrapped around him again. There against the world. So high up where no one could see you- 

But the city was gray and picturesque behind you as a light snowfall had just started. The brightness of it illuminating him so completely. Casting shadows everywhere else. The two of you dipped into a reality that belonged solely to you both. No one else existed, as always was the case when you were so wrapped up in each other. His forehead pressed to yours, your own eyes half-lidded and your mouth parted as you drew in gulps of air. 

Focused so intensely on the sight of him. That was, at least, until you felt him push you just a little bit more so that he could get a hand around his own cock, seeking that sweet purchase inside of you. The second you felt him there against you you could barely help yourself. The two of you moved at the same moment, both your hips moving forward to meet one another and it sent shockwaves through you, your head falling back just that small amount to the window, eyes rolling closed as his cock sunk deep into you. 

The moan that escaped you was something desperate and guttural, eyes shut tight. But that somehow wasn’t enough. “God-” Said on the next gasp for air as you felt him ease just enough back. Then when he thrusted in again it punched another sound through you. Words came quick after that. “-god, fuck me, Tony- hard- don’t stop-” Unable to help yourself. You wanted this. You needed this. Needed to feel him in every available space. Needed him to fill you so completely. 

He was keen to comply, pulling out and then slamming in so hard you found yourself thudding against the double-plate glass over and over and over until your brain may as well have been leaking out of your ears in a puddle of mush. Your limbs shivered, legs and arms wrapped so tight around him, trying just to hang on as you felt yourself getting weak yet winding so tight at the same time. 

But it was nothing compared to when his lips stole another moan from you, echoed with a deeper, darker noise at the back of his own throat- and then somewhere you felt him steady himself even as he kept fucking you. His forehead pressed to yours again and he murmured one command. “Look at me.” 

So you did. 

And what you found waiting for you there was the beautiful mess that was Tony Stark when he was so completely lost in you. Those deep, dark gorgeous eyes, the red flush across his face, hair a mess- no telling how many times you’d dragged your fingers through it at this point. But more than just the way he looked- it was the way he felt. 

The way his heart seemed to just light up when your eyes locked with his. That was when he was painted so suddenly in that glow. His smile then threatened to undo you completely. But it was what he said, as his lips just barely touched against yours, that finally did, “I love you.” So hot and intimate and said as if nothing truer stood in all the universe. 

You tried to hold on to the sight of him but you just couldn’t. Your eyes closed again, holding on to him for dear life as he rocked his hips one last time- heavy and hard, striking deep inside you again. Orgasm was a deep wash, a wave out to sea as it hammered through you. You barely heard yourself- “Fuck- Tony-!” Calling for him just once before the next sounds out of your mouth were just pitched, shaking moans.  

It wasn’t enough, though, and soon you drowned. Scenery shifted. No longer held against your office windows but pinned to your desk. He couldn’t seem to stop himself- and that was because you didn’t want him to. Echoes of your voice flitted in and out of your awareness. It wasn’t him- no it was you- as you begged, “Don’t stop- god, please, Tony- don’t stop-” 

You felt bruises forming beneath the surface of your skin, somewhere deep in your muscles. Your hips. Your thighs. Your sides. He was holding you so tightly and it was lighting every last nerve in your body. Wrecking you so completely as your whole lucidness only returned as you came again- dizzying as you cried out for him- 

And then it wasn’t your desk- it was the couch. It was slower- and you were in control. Sitting atop him, seated fully on his cock as his head tipped back, trying to find you again. And when your eyes blinked open and he saw you, and you realized what he was seeing- almost strange as if you were looking through his eyes- 

Your hands were gentle at the sides of his face, dimming both images of yourselves as both your eyes closed. You kissed him deeply, and took him deeper than that with every lift and then rock down of your hips. You held him to you, your left hand moving to the back of his head, pressing yourself to him as best you could. In your mind’s eye you could picture it. The sight of the two of you on the couch so firmly locked in one another. 

Maybe it wasn’t just a picture. You were a little just outside yourself it felt like. Watching. Watching as he groaned into your mouth, as his fingers flexed tighter at your hips before his right hand skated up your back, causing you to arch closer on the next firm shift down. Taking his cock in so completely it seemed to steal your breath away. 

God. What a sight the two of you were. 

Wherever you were then, somewhere just askew in your office, like a fly on the wall, it wasn’t where you found yourself next when you heard his breath catch in the back of his throat. Felt him holding on. But you couldn’t have that. Wouldn’t, in fact. His next groan was shaky, like he was working up the courage to ask you to- ask you to- 

Your hand guided his head a little back, fingers careful in his hair, his eyes flickered just a quarter open and you denied him his chance to hold on any longer. “Come for me, Tony…” Kissing him once and then one more time telling him, “Come for me…” 

There was nowhere for him to retreat from that. It broke something inside him. His hands grabbed at you as his hips worked up hard. Once in a shiver and then again- and again as you felt him coming inside you. That was all you needed. That deep splash of heat, the way he throbbed inside you. You couldn’t help yourself. Hitched gasps two at least as you couldn’t catch your breath, writhing atop him as your body fell to pieces. 

The world went dark for one slow breath in when you could find it. And then came back in drips in the next slow breath out. 

You were still atop him. Arms loose around him. His hands were careful and sweet, backs of his fingers brushing along your thighs. Your mouth was on his. Kissing him. Loosely- and then deeply- long sweeps of tongues and shivery moans passed back and forth- then softly again, just little touches of lips. Drowning. Unable to stop yourselves. Not wanting to. 

“I love you…” Someone said it first. You weren’t sure who. “I love you…” An answer. Could have been either of you. 

His smile brought you back a little more completely from the brink. You felt it first, and then caught sight of it as your forehead pressed to his one last time. There must have been enough time between then and now. He seemed coherent. A little more than you, though. It was why you were surprised to hear what he was thinking about. “Are you still on birth control?” 

It stunned and startled you at the same time. And soon you couldn’t keep the helpless and confused giggles from escaping. “Yes- are you worried?” Kisses started anew. Fresh and full of laughter. But he eased you down off that high.

He had something on his mind. 

Reaching up, he pushed some of your now damp hair away from your face and then cupped your cheek in his palm. He waited. Waited for you to look at him again and come back. And when you did, that warmth from him as he looked at you- so completely in love- it shook you to your core. “What’s your opinion on stopping?” 

It was strange. Maybe even a little surreal… that he was thinking about that now. That he was- ...you held on to him a little bit tighter. Kissed him again. Soft. Slow. Letting him know you weren’t attempting to silence him or move the question around. But just because you needed to before you answered. And when you found enough strength to do so… 

“Let’s figure out the wedding first. ...but I’ll think about it.” 

Promising. Promising because you would. 

Something sparked deep inside him. Exhilaration. Terrified. But most important… just a sense of wholeness. All wrapped up in that undying love for you. 

The two of you were just barely hanging on to each other again. And the only words you were able to make out were the only ones that were important- 

I love you. I love you… I love you… 

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 172

Wherever you were, it was warm and comfortable. Memories of the horrors in Sokovia were fading. Sleep had been blissfully long and uninterrupted. An almost impossible task, considering you’d had to board the helicarrier and be taken home. Somewhere in the middle of all that you’d slipped unconscious, and hadn’t woken back up. At least until now. And wherever changed its definition as you returned in small bits and pieces. 

You were home. You were safe. One of the things not always assured. 

Tony’s voice was a low murmur in the next room. You wished he was in bed alongside you. Realizing that that spot that belonged to him was empty pulled you slowly from the sleep you’d been enjoying. Tony was working. You were lazing. That was probably unacceptable. But almost as if he somehow realized you were stirring, the door of the bedroom opened and you turned on your side, meeting his gaze with your own pair of sleepy eyes. His smile warmed you straight through and he held a finger up to signal- at least you thought- not to move, and that he’d be with you in a minute. 

“Well. Don’t wait up for me. I’m not planning on a ribbon-cutting or anything, but if I was I’d want it in a week.” He came further into the room, pacing in lingering steps towards the center, one hand in his pocket. You sat up just a little, blinking to better adjust your eyes. He was half well-dressed. Suit slacks, an ice-blue button up with the sleeves rolled up to his arms, and a loose black tie. You imagined a waistcoat and suit jacket were sitting on the back of a chair somewhere near the front elevator. “Sure. Look. I gotta go. Keep me updated.” 

When he turned, you patted the spot next to you on the edge of the bed. Your beckoning worked, he moved as if you’d thrown a lasso around him. Tilting your head up, “What’s going on?” 

He sat down on the edge of the bed. “A million things. Nothing terribly important.” Grinning just a little. “The new facility is on schedule- at least they are now.” Facility… oh. He was talking about the new Avengers Facility upstate. They must have put work on hold while deciding whether or not the Avengers were actually going to be alive, and Tony had to come in and kick them back into gear. Something that was kind of important. 

“And it’ll be done in a week?” It was difficult to remember the last time the two of you had talked about it. He’d already had it half in the works then. 

His shoulders came up in a weak shrug, and he threaded his fingers loosely together over his lap. “They’re placating me. We’re probably looking at something closer towards the end of the month.” 

“Just in time for your birthday.” 

“Lucky me.” Said flatly with a little roll of his eyes. Once he was done he turned a little more towards you, reaching out to slide some hair behind your ear and then cup the side of your face. “You alright?”

This was something you probably should have been expecting him to ask. Something you should have had an answer for. But the question left you a little stunned until you finally decided on, “I have no idea.” 

For one reason or another this seemed to amuse him, if only lightly so. “Yeah. That’s probably fair. Seems like there’s been a lot of that lately.” The fall of your face hit him, and he quickly went to nervous correction. “Not that- not that that’s your fault.” 

Had it even been one entire week since your life had started falling apart? Tony had told you you had absolutely no idea about yourself in the lab. JARVIS had died. Ultron had  been born. Fury was an alien- and the real one confirmed you knew even less than Tony had gathered. JARVIS had been found- and nearly died again- only saved by some efforts of yours- and then been reborn. The Infinity Stones had been revealed. Six in all. And no telling where they were, or why suddenly they’d become important. Tony had almost died. And had told you to leave him- and you had. Sokovia had been utterly destroyed. You’d kept Pietro from dying. Somehow. At the behest of powers beyond your comprehension. You’d been burning up, and your gamma pulses had been out of control. Ultron had died, and in his last moments had sought out your comfort in a realm you understood very little. You had offered him peace in his final flicker, and then sent him off. And JARVIS had helped you come down off that edge somehow.

...did that about cover everything? 

“Honey?” Tony’s quiet pang of nervousness brought you out of your cloud. “You still with me?” 

Your eyes lowered from the thousand yard stare you’d assumed and you put a hand to your forehead. “I hate to do this. Can you- ...can you debrief me?” It was such a cold and removed way of doing things. Of listening to the things that had happened to you. To your team. Just asking for a recap of events was never enough. But it was what you needed. 

He gave a weak nod and then cleared his throat. “Well… Sokovia is gone. The Relief Foundation is working on helping everyone that was displaced which is- ...well. Everyone. Casualties are still being counted. Ultron’s presence has been wiped clean. The press wants a statement. Bruce is gone.” 

That last bit of information struck you hard and fast. “What do you mean gone?” 

A terrible blue took over him. Heavy sorrow that he was reluctant to show. “Gone. Hulk took over the quinjet. Nat tried to get him to come back but he turned off all the comms. He put it in stealth mode and- thanks to me- that means it’s untrackable. So. He’s gone.” There was a soft flicker of resentment but it was mostly buried by guilt. 

Reaching out you put a hand over his. “That’s not your fault.” 

He scoffed with a bitter smile. “That’s not the way everyone else feels. Which is fine. Maybe they’re right. You know, I had redundancies for this kind of thing- but I had no idea the big guy was that smart.” Speaking quickly. Always a sure sign that he was struggling. 

“Bruce knew all of your protocols. Are we sure it wasn’t him?” Not really sure what the point of arguing who had taken off was. Maybe just to get an idea of who had really left. Hulk? Or Bruce? 

Tony just shrugged weakly. “There’s no way of telling. At least not until he comes back. I’ll do my best to find him but. He’s gonna have to meet me halfway.” Bruce taking the quinjet was something else entirely. Maybe if it was just Hulk, there was a chance he’d crash it somewhere. But if Bruce had run off? 

...why? Why would he do that? You remembered overhearing him and Natasha, but Natasha was still here. So Bruce had just ran away? It was nearly unfathomable. ...and an incredibly painful thought. To think that he thought his only means of contrition after what happened in Johannesburg were to just disappear off the face of the earth... You would have protected him from the media. From accusations that it was his fault- it hadn’t been. He had a life here. Family.

Which made all the more sense why Tony was taking this so hard. You found yourself sad, too. There was so much more to say here- so much more that you should have said. Things you should have done to try and help Tony process this, even when you couldn’t do it yourself. But he moved on while you fumbled with your own sudden grief. “The Facility is getting its roots settled- like I said. It’ll be a little while yet. But the team knows about it and they’re starting to migrate that way. Surprisingly had no qualms. For once.”

“It’s out of the way. They probably like the idea of being a little more protected. Less in the public eye.” The Tower was great. You remembered a long time ago when it had been your baby. And the new face of justice after just being the new face of clean energy for barely a day. But. It was time to- 

“And I’m working on a speech that goes with our two week notice.” 

Retire. Funny. You were just about to think that. “A speech, huh? You wouldn’t happen to be planning some annoying retirement party, would you?” 

His face fell just a little and then he moved quickly to looking insulted. But only jokingly so. “Okay, well, now that you called it annoying-” 

“Tony-” 

“Look. I just think it’s fair. We put in a ton of work. The least they can do is drink champagne from an open bar and- I don’t know- is it too much to ask for one of those oversized cards?” The sight of his grin encouraged your own smile. 

Something you hid as you bent forward, nuzzling your forehead against his shoulder. “Maybe asking a little too much from them, yes. They’re not really that socially coordinated.” 

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” 

The thought buzzed around in your head. Not angrily. But it did make you slightly nervous. Your tone backed off. Quiet and thoughtful. Not really wanting to invite the universe to give you ten more reasons that you couldn’t. “You really think we’re allowed to retire?” 

That question had been out there for much longer now than was fair. The both of you had had long discussions- too many at this point- about what an actual life looked like. One with each other. That you were in control of. No more of this superhero business that Tony had thrown himself into. ...it still didn’t seem possible. 

His own voice lowered to match yours. “That’s not a question I can answer on my own.” 

Meaning… he needed you there with him. He needed your agreement. Your consent. He needed you to walk along this path with him. He couldn’t decide to retire on his own and have you work. Nor could you walk away with him still on the frontlines. It just didn’t work that way. 

“How do you feel about it, Tony?” Sitting back again just so you could look at him. Have a real conversation with him about this. About the fate of your lives. The next chapter. 

He looked at you for a long time. Really thinking. And you appreciated it. “Well… Vision is no Ultron. Maybe he’s better for it.” The whole reason this had started. The one thing Tony had promised you. Ultron was what he’d been working on. To protect the earth. And to give you both the ability to feel safe. To… do exactly what you were talking about now. “He’s ready to be part of the team. And, don’t tell him I told you, but I think he’s our ringer right now.” 

JARVIS certainly seemed extremely powerful. It was hard to even label what it was he could do. But he was also holding an Infinity Stone. Whatever they were. Something also incredibly powerful. With it in his hands- good hands- the world did seem a little safer. Like he would come to challenge whatever tried to hurt it. Like an Avenger. 

You caught Tony looking at you. Waiting. Waiting for your judgment. You felt your brows knit. “You trust him? With our future?” Not just the world’s future. A little more selfishly so… you were asking if Tony could turn his back on the Avengers knowing JARVIS (or Vision, as they kept calling him) was there. That he trusted JARVIS to keep everyone safe, so that no matter the crisis, you and Tony didn’t have to come back onto the battlefield. 

“Next to you? JARVIS was the only other person I trusted that much. Vision might not be entirely JARVIS but. You’re right. There’s part of him there. Enough of him.” Talking himself through that thought until finally he nodded. “Yeah. I trust him.” 

This was a lot. This was saying more than a lot, in fact. Tony was ready to give up this life. He was ready to move on. He had been for a long time. But he knew the importance of what the two of you were doing. Of what the team was doing. He’d seen the horrors that you would never understand. He’d sat in space for a full minute- sometimes it still haunted him. Yet despite all that… he was ready. 

The question now was, were you? 

He startled you from your thinking when he raised a hand, the backs of his fingers brushing gingerly down over your temple and then traced the line of your jaw. “If you want me to beg, just say the words.” 

“Beg?” It was too much to ask that you didn’t fall immediately to pieces with the way he was looking at you. The way he was touching you. It was hard to think beyond that. “I don’t want you to beg-” 

“But I will. Whatever it takes to get you there- whatever I need to do- if I need to beg for you to run away with me- to start a life with me- I will. I want this. I want a home. I want stability. I want you. I want you to be happy. I want you to be safe. With me. And- frankly- I’m getting tired of sharing you with everyone else. So if you want me to beg-” 

His silence was easy to earn. You reached over, securing your hand around the middle of his tie, and drew him in with a pointed pull. He went very easily. Words stopping in a catch of breath, eyes lowering and then closing just as your lips connected. His palm went flat against the side of your neck. Against your wishes he broke back, so you chased him, and it was the parted lips, the small brush of tongues that made your muscles go slack. 

Which seemed to be fine. With another tug as you fell back, he followed you in, keeping close. His knees went to the sides of your thighs on the bed, while his hands reached out to steady himself over you. While you had him, you looped your arms around his neck, drawing him further. Kissing him harder. Leaving the two of you breathless. He was panting as he asked, “Is that a yes?” Smile the next thing pressed against your lips. 

But it didn’t stay. He was on the moved, dragging fleeting kisses down from your jaw and over your throat as your head tipped back all the way to give him access. “Tony- please-” The tingly scratch of his beard and mustache had you writhing beneath him.

An amused hum bubbled out from him, “I thought I was the one doing the begging?” A warm glow bounced back and forth between the two of you. Easy to acknowledge. Happiness.

Nothing simpler and yet somehow still nothing more complex. Almost strange to be able to access the feeling after everything the both of you had been through. But when you were together- like this- ...it was so easy. 

His teeth at the juncture of your shoulder and neck sparked a pleasurable thrum that had your hips lifting to meet him, a soft noise leaking from you. You were getting lost. So was he. You had to make sure you put a cap on this before it was too late. “Yes-” It came out in a quiet hiss, a half moan as he nipped again, working his way out towards the round of your shoulder. You tried again for something less salacious. “Yes- Tony- let’s do it-” 

At this he really did chuckle, a dark and loving noise that rumbled out against your skin and shot straight through you. “We’re about halfway there.” Teasing you so easily. “Though I’m not sure about the crass language. Usually you’re much more eloquent-” That smirk he was suddenly pressing onto your collarbone lit up all your hot points. “Tony-” Warning him. Liar that you were. Not even his smart-mouth sass would stop this. He probably knew that. “-but I’ll forgive you, considering...” Deciding better safe than sorry. Smart man that he was. His right hand moved down, cupping the back of your thigh, hefting you up into another press of hips that had your mind reeling- especially with the quiet groan it urged from him. 

“Yes- please-” Losing the thought again. Having to struggle to get it back. You settled your hands on the sides of his face, tugging him back up to look at you. His eyes were darkened with lust, but after only seconds of looking at you he eased into something far softer. “Tony- let’s retire. Let’s start our lives.” Agreeing. Finally. 

Your moment was now. You were finally going to have a life with him. An actual life. 

His smile was nothing short of enamored. “I love you.” He didn’t give you a chance to echo the sentiment as he closed in on another heated, deep kiss. Not with words- so you let him know anyway- 

I love you more. 

The message hit its mark almost instantly, and he went a little weak over you for just a handful of seconds. Then it seemed to renew his drive all the more. Yet he was moving in slow motion compared to after- when your hands moved down and you ruined his shirt. Ripping it open with a quick yank, sending torn buttons scattering. 

I need you. 

Another thing he needed to know. And as always, he was up to the task. 

It took no time at all after that- part of you wished you’d savored the moment- but the rest of you was intensely grateful when you were able to rid him of his clothes, and he of yours. His hand gripped your hip tight, and you pressed yourself against his warm body, legs locked around his waist, drinking in every moan between you as he fucked you senseless. As the two of you finally found time for each other. Found comfort in each other. 

Finally had time for each other. Finally were committing to each other.

Finally. Finally. 

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧  Chapter 182

Returning to life was hard, as always. But having that extended time away really helped you refocus. It helped you prioritize. Tony, more than anything. Your life with him. The promise that you’d made when you’d stepped away from Avengers. 

Throughout September you started drawing up a timeline. Your ideal version of events, if everything went fine. If nothing bad happened. If the universe didn’t step in and interrupt… The house wouldn’t be ready- fully ready, built and painted and decorated and all that good stuff- until into next year. But you’d be keeping an eye on it every step of the way. The foundation was so important. Having a home with him, something that was yours and only yours, was so very important. 

His ring would be ready in November. Which was perfect. You’d have it at the start, and be ready to give it to him by your anniversary. Cheesy? Absolutely. But there was a threshold for that sort of stuff that the two of you would allow with one another. ...recently you’d been realizing it was a very high ceiling. That was fine, too. You’d propose. He’d accept. And the two of you would hold on to it just a little while longer. Peggy’s excitement over the wedding had infected you a small amount, but you didn’t want to rush things. 

You were thinking Valentine’s Day. Another moment of well deserved cheese. But if the media wanted to get their hands on it, you’d do it the same way the two of you had come out- so to speak. You’d be brazen and open in public after hiding it for so long, and make it coordinated. Make the statement that your lives were private, that you’d live them without anyone’s permission but your own, and when you were ready to tell the public something, you would. But no sooner than that. 

You were still trying to back off the Avengers business- though you had checked in with JARVIS, god damn you, about how the mission regarding Hydra and the missing Ultron parts had gone… it had been an interesting turn of events, really. JARVIS had gone on and on about how they’d built a giant robot named Ultimo or… something just as stupid. But that it hadn’t held up very well. And that this new squad of Avengers had come together to finish them off and round up the Hydra agents. Job well done. 

One of the big ways you wanted to do that was sort of start trying to slide control of the whole UN panel nonsense to somewhere else… it didn’t feel right. Maybe it wasn’t right. That team still needed someone big on the inside and in their corner. Just in case. But it wouldn’t matter anyway. Even if you found a suitable replacement (you had been mildly considering Natasha because she knew how to take a government lashing without batting and eye and she’d at least always have the team’s best interests at heart), Ellis wasn’t picking up his phone. Neither was Talbot. There were only a few reasons that would be. None of them were good.

But you tried not to let it stress you out. ...it did. A little. But you tried not to let it. Instead after finding that a dead end, you threw yourself into Stark Industries related endeavors. Making up for missed time after you’d taken the month off. It led you all the way through September. Right on the cusp of October, when the fourth quarter was about to begin. You’d scheduled a company conference in a nice hotel in Midtown for presentations. 

You were also running extremely late, having gotten pulled into a discussion with a senior exec that hadn’t amounted to anything. Tony was waiting downstairs in the car. Happy was waiting, hand on the open door, when you finally got outside. But just as you exited the lobby, someone called your name. And then- “I need to talk to you!” 

Your reaction was instinct. Holding a hand up. “Whatever story you’re chasing, I don’t have anything to say right now.”

“I’m not a reporter!” Her shouting this stopped you just a little as you were almost off the sidewalk, and you turned back to look at her. Short, thin woman. Deep-set frown. Long dark hair. “I used to be a lab tech for Stark Industries. And I need to talk to you. ...please.” 

There was a certain amount of desperation wafting off of her. This was probably a job for HR- if she was a disgruntled employee- she had said she was a lab tech. As in, used to be. No longer worked for the company. You glanced inside the back of the car and Tony held a hand up in question. You put a single finger up to signal you’d be there in a moment. And then, as you felt Happy looming, watching just in case, you stepped closer to the building. “How can I help you?” 

Disbelief soaked her, which might have been fair. She had just halted one of the CEOs outside the building. She might not have had a plan what to do next. Though she did cross her arms. “Look- I know- everything you do- this is probably not very important to you, but. I wanted to warn you. About Quentin Beck.” 

The name struck you as mildly familiar. And when you realized why, it just popped out of your mouth. “He has a presentation today.” 

“I know. That’s why I need to talk to you. He’s- I don’t wanna say dangerous, but something is not right with him.” 

“In what way?” 

She gave a shrug. “Every little thing sets him off. I wasn’t the first and I won’t be the last- he got me fired. Over nothing.” 

Despite not wanting to come off callous, your brows knit and your head lifted just a little. “Got you fired? How?” That was a lot to put on one person, especially considering your very well staffed HR department. 

The shake of her head was satisfying. “I can’t say for sure. But. He’s gotten lots of us fired. For questioning him. Or proving him wrong. Anything. Anything that makes him angry. He’s frustrated- I get it- his project is going nowhere fast- but it’s not right, what he’s doing.” Much as this sounded like an incredibly tall tale… she at least believed herself. There was no note of dishonesty about her. 

Something only you would know. Which meant you couldn’t turn away from this information. “What’s your name?” 

“Vivian.” She glanced up at you, not sure what to make of your reaction. Self-doubt took a heavy hold of her. “Like I said- I know this isn’t important-” 

“This is incredibly important to me, Vivian.” Stopping her. Speaking firmly and slowly. “Here’s what i want you to do- if you haven’t already found another job-” 

Her scoff cut you off. “Are you kidding me? I got fired from Stark Industries. Nobody wants me after that.” 

That made sense. But… if Beck was ruining lives like that under your nose- this was a problem. “In that case, I want you to go upstairs to my office. I’ll let Pepper know to expect you. Give her a list of the other lab techs that were thrown out by Beck. You’re officially rehired. I’m going to start an internal investigation into HR in the meantime. And I’ll watch his presentation very carefully today, and let him know what I know. And what that means.” 

You would have an incredible burden. Firing him for something like this outright was a legal nightmare. Especially if he wasn’t mentally sound, like she was claiming. God knows you and Tony didn’t need any more homegrown enemies. 

Both of her brows shot straight up and shock cut clear across her. “You’re- ...you’re being serious?” 

“Yes. Now- I have to go. I’m running a little late. I’ll check in later, alright?” 

For whatever reason, Vivian seemed to have thought you were going to shoot her down. Ignore her. Tell her this was nonsense. Send her away. Stand by Beck- it made sense. HR had. HR had heard a complaint about her and several others from one man. Sure, a man in charge of a lab, but, it seemed to be that they didn’t do their due diligence in investigating the matter. But you would. This was your company. And you weren’t going to let this fly. 

She nodded, a little numbly. “Uh- sure- hey- thank you.” A little bit of relief hit home finally, when reality set in. “This- this means everything to me. Thank you.” You’d probably just given her her life back. 

“Thank you. For telling me about this.” 

That was what you left her with as you finally hurried your way into the car. Once the door was shut behind you, you pulled your cell phone out to text Pepper. Tony was very curious. “What was all that about?” 

“I think I’ve been so focused on the Avengers stuff- you know, saving the world is important and all- but, Stark Industries has been suffering. That changes now.” 

You felt his frown without looking at him. “That bad?” 

Looking up at him, you shrugged. “Let’s find out, shall we?” 

                                                             ---

Like with all big presentation meetings, you thanked everyone for coming. Thanked them for their hard work. Said some things about how fourth quarter would be fantastic. Made sure to alert them that stocks had been bouncing back steadily. The company was doing great. Stark Industries was always doing great, and it was thanks to some of the people in the conference hall. You were excited to see what they had been working on and what they had to share. Tony gave his usual quippy sassy remarks afterwards. And then the two of you sat. And let yourself be wowed by the innovators of Stark Industries. 

Beck’s presentation was last. Small miracles, you supposed. Over the course of a few hours, you’d texted back and forth with Tony about the details that Vivian had given you. Pepper already had troubling news about Beck’s lab assistants. Many had been fired. Most without investigation. Beck signaled an order and someone executed it. For small things. Inconsequential things. Sure… people were employed with the company at will, but that didn’t give him the right to throw people out like he owned the place.

No. You owned the place. You and Tony. And you were going to make this right. 

He was nervous when he took the stage. Gave some platitudes as he hooked up a projector- and you remembered this. Remembered him struggling with a powerpoint presentation … years ago. Too long now to be still stuck in this phase of drawings and blueprints and- 

Well. He did have some sort of prototype. Some headband- headgear- something. But it just sat on a mannequin head. And nothing he said convinced you it would ever do more than that. You pulled his patent files, what he’d been working on, and just how much money had been spent on this. It wasn’t becoming to belittle a member of your staff in a conference hall full of people. So you let them thin out once everything was over. 

And then you and Tony met with him backstage. He seemed startled by your sudden appearance, and the poor assistant he had with him was terrified. Not of you. Which made it all the easier to let him know how things were going to be. There was a small crowd backstage. You’d wanted to do this privately, but you couldn’t put it off any longer. “Mr. Beck.” 

“Oh- Quentin is fine.” 

“Mr. Beck.” Doubling down. “I’m afraid we’re going to have to shelve your project. Starting immediately.” 

“What? Why??” Anger was already stirring inside of him. 

You didn’t let it dissuade you. “You’ve been working on this project for five years now. Stark Industries has backed you- to the tune of twelve million dollars so far. You have nothing to show. You’re barely out of the concept phase-”

“That’s not true! You don’t know what you’re talking about!” Despite who you were, Beck seemed to have no problem raising his voice to you. Then again, you were threatening his baby. And this wasn’t the first time you’d done so. He had such a disdain for you. Easily felt. Picking the headband off the mannequin he waved it in your face. “What about this? This isn’t nothing! You just don’t get it. You aren’t smart enough to understand what I’m trying to do here!” 

“What I get, Mr. Beck, is that after five years and twelve million dollars and you showed up to a Q4 meeting with a powerpoint presentation and a plastic piece of junk that doesn’t do anything. It’s basically a fashion accessory.” 

“You can’t-!”

“Furthermore.” Not letting him talk over you. “We’ve been receiving some very troubling reports that you have some sort of confidant in HR that’s helping you abuse your position. I don’t know who it is yet, but I’m going to find out.” 

He gnashed his teeth. Not even surprised he’d been caught. He didn’t seem to care about that at all. He cared about you shutting him down. “You’ve been trying to shut this project down since its inception phase. I’m not surprised. This is beyond you-”

“And you, apparently.” Staring him down. 

Realizing he wasn’t going to get anywhere with you, Beck completely ignored you and waved his hand at Tony. “Tony, please. I know you get this. Can’t you do something?” 

Tony’s brow arched, one of those high marks that came with a face of true disbelief. Disbelief that this guy would disrespect you like that. “If you wanted my help, that was the exact wrong way to go about it.” 

Beck’s shoulders went higher, tensed. “Look- I’m just trying to-” 

Tony continued, “The idea is impressive. Not your initial concept application of it, though. We can use it for something better.” Oh- you remembered this- Tony had been interested in the… what had he called it? Neural-interface? Too bad Beck wasn’t smart enough to get it off the ground. But Tony was. He’d have this figured out in a few months, no doubt. 

When that realization hit, Beck grew darker. Even angrier. “You can’t do that.” 

You spoke up again. “All your work is owned by Stark Industries.” You could, in fact, do that. 

“You can’t do that!” Yelling.

Holding a hand up to him, you decided you’d had enough of this. “Calm down. Now.” Issuing a real order. With the power to back it up as you threw that upon him.

He went a little slack, like you’d cut his strings. And then it seemed like he quickly changed his mind about his attitude at your behest. Little did he know, that’s exactly what had happened. He Painted a perfect picture of apologetic. Because you wanted him to. “Look- I’m sorry- I just- I’ve been working on this for so long… please… I’m begging you… don’t do this.” 

“Any of your lab techs beg you to keep their jobs the same way, I wonder?” Unable to help yourself asking. The look in his eyes suddenly- the drop in temperature- ...he was wishing for murder right then. Vivian had been right. Dangerous was a very apt word, whether or not she’d wanted to use it. But this would not help anybody. If you threw him out now you’d only be proving his narrow minded view right. It’d also put a pox on the project. “Here is my only offer, Mr. Beck.” 

When he realized you weren’t about to take everything from him, he straightened up and nodded. “Anything.” 

“Tony is now in charge of this project. Vivian will work under Tony. And you under her. We’re hiring back every lab tech and assistant you fired over the last five years. At double your salary. You’re going to give up the name of your connect in HR- and it better pan out or all of this goes away. You’re going to take anger counseling with one of the therapists on staff. None of this is negotiable. And you have five seconds to decide.” 

“Yes- yes. Anything. Just- don’t throw me off this. You don’t understand it.” He kept on saying that. Kept on talking down to you. And now, after that offer, there was nothing you could do about it. He was agreeing to everything, but something deep inside him, something only you felt was twisting with agony and turmoil. 

And a fresh new hatred for you. 

But you couldn’t be liked by everyone. Nor did that bother you in the slightest. You gave him a nod. “Pepper will serve you papers on this new agreement tomorrow morning. I want them signed by the afternoon.” 

His eyes narrowed, understanding what you were doing. You were throwing your power, your position, and your authority in his face. Ordering- though he saw it as demanding- him to do this. At the risk of everything else. He had no choice, and he saw that as your fault. Not his. But he was helpless but to obey you. ...this probably wasn’t going to work out very well. You’d have to keep an eye on him going forward. “Yes, ma’am.” 

                                                            ---

Back in the car you took a deep breath and it immediately escaped as an even deeper sigh as you sagged into the backseat. Tony was the one to speak your thoughts. “Well. That was a nightmare.” 

Though you found yourself nodding, you tried to look at the bright side. “We’re done with it, now. And… you like this project. So that was worth something.” Tony wanted to work on this, so be it. 

“You didn’t have to keep Beck around to keep it in-house.” 

“No, I didn’t.” Agreeing with him as your gaze went foggy. Tired very suddenly. Beck was volatile and it had drained a lot out of you. 

Leaning closer, Tony put his arm around you, drawing you in. You reveled in his warmth. In his protective embrace, closing your eyes as you laid your head on his shoulder. “Sometimes I think you’re too nice.” 

This got a bark of a surprised laugh out of you, and you raised your hand to stifle the rest. “Sorry- I just- that’s ridiculous. Ask Beck.” 

“I’m not asking that guy anything. He’s a few crayons short of a full box.” 

“Fair enough.” You took another long breath in, this time holding it and then slowly letting it out. “It’s over now. You’ll take over and make it something good.” 

His grin was easily heard, not to mention you could feel his enjoyment. How much he liked you complimenting him like that. “You might be giving me too much credit.” 

“Never.” Snuggling up close to him. “You’ll put that money to good use-”

“And spend a whole lot more.”

“-and bring something to the table the world needs.” 

“Again. Too much credit.” 

“Mn-mm.” Shaking your head no as you got even closer. “That’s what you do.” Confident in him. Knowing him. When he didn’t argue a third time, you decided to move on. “Wanna get some dinner?” 

“I was waiting for you to ask.” Smiling wryly at you when you finally looked up at him. “I put reservations in at Luchio’s an hour ago.” 

“My hero.” 

You needed a good dinner to fight off the drop in energy and the entire mess that had been. But it was a small mess. Nothing like the other ones. Easily handled. Now all you could do was hope no more messes found you before the close of the year. It was three more months- and only two before your anniversary, even. 

How much could go wrong before then? 

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 142

Jessica took far longer than you thought she would. In the end, none of it mattered, but the longer she took the longer you had to hold on to the charade this had become. Eventually your own pacing in front of Kilgrave and Hogarth came to an end about an hour after your discussion, and you excused yourself. Though you couldn’t go outside on the street, you could at least get away from him by crouching against the wall in the hallway, hiding your head between your knees. 

Just for a few moments. You just needed to breathe. To make peace with… what you’d decided. Why you’d decided it. Why you got to do such things. None of it was right, was it? But what more could you do? There was such an angry darkness in Kilgrave. If he got free, he’d burn everyone’s lives to the ground. He was a monster. Irredeemable. So fucking dangerous it was ridiculous. 

If only you’d been stronger before. If you’d been able to break free and then break him. In that house in Brooklyn- the same borough where you were now. Contemplating just how it had all ended up this way. If you’d killed him earlier none of this would be going on. He wouldn’t have hurt so many other people- he wouldn’t have hurt Jessica or Hope. It would be over. But now it was too late to wish you’d done it before.

You’d have to gather your strength and your courage and do it now. You’d have to take another human’s life. Again. And try as you might, there was no making peace with that. 

The tears started, and they kept coming for a long time. Maybe you were every bit as terrible as Kilgrave said. Maybe you were an animal. Roaming around with some sense of justice that really was just… entitlement. Did you know better than everyone else? Was it on you to protect people? 

Wasn’t that the whole point of you? Wasn’t that what you’d started yourself on this journey with? Yet every time the universe seemed to ask you to make the right choice- you wondered… was it ever right? You’d promised Kilgrave you would end his life. And you would. For all the lives he’d ruined- even ended- all the lives that had suffered immensely because of him. But more than revenge. It was a promise to keep safe all the lives that he would destroy. Because if you had ended him two years ago… so many people would have been better off. How much clearer could he make it to you? 

You needed someone to help you. And immediately your thoughts strayed to Tony. If he were here, he’d be able to talk you through this. He’d be able to help you make the right decision. ...he’d probably even offer to make it for you. But he was busy. And rightfully so. You wouldn’t wonder if the whole team was starting to resent your absence. He also hadn’t called to check in- which meant he was still busy with all of that. So… you were on your own. You had to figure this out on your own. 

You had to. 

Just as you’d gathered yourself together, Jessica came from the other end of the long hall. Alone. Your disappointment was probably immeasurable by now. What was the point of all this? Why was she prolonging this? Just for Hope? “Couldn’t find anyone?” She was a PI. It was impossible that she didn’t have any connects at any precincts. She’d come back empty handed? For what? 

“Screw it.” As she tried to blow by you, you locked into step with her, entering back into the room. “He say anything while I was gone?”

Just as you came in, you saw Jeri stepping away from Kilgrave’s cell. There was no telling what they’d been talking about. You imagined he’d been trying to tell her all the dirt on you, for whatever it was worth. It didn’t matter now. 

To cover for getting caught, Jeri puffed herself up and crossed her arms. “Nothing we got on camera.” Shooting you a very dry and perhaps threatening look. Something you’d have to deal with later. “This is taking too long. Visiting hours at the prison are over. I needed to talk to Hope. Where’s your cop?”

Jessica took off her gloves and then shrugged out of her jacket. “He won’t come unless there’s hard proof. So I’m gonna get him some.” Leaning over she pulled off one of her boots and then the other. “I’d appreciate somebody manning the shock switch.” 

Already you felt the disagreement pouring out of you. “This isn’t the play, Jessica.” 

“Well if you’ve got anything fucking better, now’s the time to speak up.” Sending a dead-eyed stare your way. Accepting that somehow this was what had to be done. You missed your team. You missed your family. You missed having people take everything in, to explore all the avenues together before making and agreeing on a plan of attack. 

Jeri put her hand on the table and leaned in. “You’re going in there? Why?” Clearly on the same page with you. This was not going to work out the way she thought it would. Was she so far gone in the name of justice that she’d gone completely blind? 

“I know how to piss him off. When he takes control, the electricity will stop me as quickly as Kilgrave. But only hit the switch if he makes me hurt myself.” Deadset on this. What could you do? Strong arm her into a wall until she listened to reason? Didn’t seem like the sort of thing that was likely. 

You put a hand on her arm. “What if he makes you kill yourself?” Your real worry. Getting this evidence- it was never going to happen. But whether or not she’d wake up to that- someone had to care about her. And that was a real concern. 

Her lips thinned and she yanked her arm from you. “Then we’ll have evidence. Won’t we.” She stayed, just for a quick moment. Eyes watching yours. Her voice was quiet as she said, “You’d stop me.” 

“You’re betting your life on that?” 

It was surprising, the small quirk of her lips. “I guess I am.” Trusting you. With her life. 

As she left to go open the double doors you stepped back well behind the camera’s view, turning it back on and then hitting the record button.  Jeri called to her as her hand touched the outer door. “Wait.” Indicating towards the camera. “For the record?” 

Jessica just rolled her eyes. “I, Jessica Jones, of sound body and mind submit the following footage into evidence.” She then opened one door, closed it, then opened the second door, and closed that firmly behind her, too. 

Kilgrave wasn’t quite pressed against the corner, awaiting this new development in the middle of his cell. Very intrigued. As she approached just within reach he lowered his head, eyes carefully watching her. “Are you not afraid I’ll touch you?” 

Whispers of a moment in that brownstone kitchen ached in the back of your head. Moments in time where you had just enough control to growl at him, tell him don’t touch me, and shake him off. All mere seconds really, before his own command stepped back in. You shook the memories off just as Jessica reached up to slide her hand along his chest up to his shoulder. “I remember how you like to be touched.” 

This was hard to sit through. Hard to stomach. Kilgrave had suddenly burst to life with a little bit of delight, although his knowing wariness overshadowed most of it. Obviously knowing he couldn't give in to whatever this was. Meanwhile Jessica was writhing with revulsion. Kilgrave regarded her closely, breathing heavy. “It’s bad enough to shock me. Now you have to toy with my emotions?” 

“You can have it.” She dragged her finger up to his jawline. Her tone went dark. “But I want you to beg for it.” Waiting a single moment in silence before reeling her hand back and slapping him hard across the face. 

The jolt of surprise from him was nothing compared to the wrath that consumed him so completely. He rebounded, hissing in her face. “You will not-!” And then. In just another snap. Regained complete control. He knew where he was. He knew what this was. And he would not give in. This would never work. His voice was growly as he got right back in her face. “If that was foreplay, I’m all in.” 

Jessica raised her hands. “Then do something about it.” She then shoved him- hard- and he tripped over his feet in a splash of water, falling back against the wall. Your eyes went back to the camera. Watching this unfold on the viewer. As she berated him. Prowled closer while he was backed against the wall. Eagerness consumed him. Eager to win over her. And he was doing it. In spades. 

“Come on, Kevin. Be a big boy for mummy and daddy.” She was seething now, getting just slightly consumed by her own temper and the realness of the situation. 

Kilgrave looked out of the cell. Through the windows. To you, first. Then dropped his eyes just a little lower. “I don’t know what you mean- you have all the power here.” 

Your eyes closed with a drop of your head as she grabbed him by his shirt, spun him and then threw him into the wall above his bed. He fell in a heavy heap with a pained groan- something real to be sure. But nothing helpful. This was terrible. Truly awful. She was making him out to be… a saint. An innocent. She was attacking a poor man the two of you had kidnapped. He was right. She did have all the power. And if a jury ever saw this the both of you would probably be the headliners on a new bill that depowered enhanced people. 

“Make me stop!” She was breathing heavy. Fully and truly lost now to the heat of the moment. 

Kilgrave shook his head. “I won’t hit a woman.” 

“No but you’d rape her. Destroy her mind. Make her a murderer. Make her torture other people for your sick pleasure!” Her voice lurched in a bitter ache of angry tears. 

Jeri turned to you. “This has to stop.” You had no idea what she wanted you to do about this. 

But you agreed. “Jessica.” Calling firmly to her. “That’s enough. He’s playing you.” 

But she was so far gone she didn’t even hear you as Kilgrave looked up at her from his heap on the bed. “I loved you. I gave you whatever you wanted.” Pleading with her. None of it real. Inside he was just short of evilly glee. Working her up like this. The power he had over her. Without a single word. 

Whatever she was saying was drowned out by hard slaps in succession. Each one knocking him back fully into the wall. His gurgles of pain were real at least. A determined presence coming up behind you hard and fast had you turning quick on your heel- worried this was it. You’d finally been caught. But you were surprised to see Trish storming up the hall. 

Jeri leaned over the table. “That’s enough. I’m gonna hit the switch!” 

What a fucking mess this all was. Trish put her hand over Jeri’s. “Don’t.”

A disgusted and confused noise came out of Jeri. “She’s going to kill him.” 

Trish just shook her head. “She’s holding back.” She’d started to beat him. Kilgrave had begun to beg for help. For his life. 

This had to stop. With an easy sense of authority you held yourself tighter. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” Reaching up to switch the camera off, already having more than enough footage of her bashing him bloody you then stepped aside. She was lost to her rage. And it had to end. 

So you pulled one door open and then the next, putting your hands on her arms as she perched above Kilgrave who was now back up on the floor, half submerged in that water. She was baring her teeth at him, his shirt balled in her fist. And when you touched her, she startled- and maybe would have gone for you next. Because how dare you stop this? 

But you dared. “Jessica.” Meeting her gaze steadily. Looking at her. And then looking at her. Everything that made her. All this sadness, all this anguish. The torments he’d put her through that had turned her into a lightning storm. A black cloud billowing from one spot to the next. Trying to just get through the day without remembering it. And now she had him. And she couldn’t stop herself. It wasn’t for evidence anymore. 

It was just blind justified fury. 

So you put a hand over her heart. And shared her pain. Her rage. You saw her. You knew her. She was you. The same shattered mess that Kilgrave had left behind. And siphoning that feeling, letting it consume you more than her helped ease her back of an edge she might have regretted. 

When she snapped to, only the sound of heavy breathing filtering in the cell, her hand went slack, letting Kilgrave go first. Looking at you only a few moments longer before shame filled the spaces you’d cleared. She moved away from you, pointedly shrugging out of your touch, and staggered back towards the entrance of the cell. Leaving. Leaving you and Kilgrave. 

He was staring at you. A tired and pained smile on his bloody lips. “There’s the puppy I know.” He was panting as he sat up on his hands and knees. Trying desperately to level back off to somewhere comfortable, but Jessica had done quite the number on him. But when he finally sat back and looked up at you, you felt a chill. He held his arms out wide. “Is this the moment, puppy?” Sparing a glance to the watchers outside. “Is this our final hour? You’ve decided, haven’t you? Get it over with. Show them what you really are.” 

Unable to keep Jessica’s newly bought storm at bay, you reached out in a strike, taking hold of his shirt. Yanking him closer. Trying to keep everything locked down tight had you shaking. “You don’t get to decide.” 

Kilgrave’s lopsided, bloody smile made you angrier than you’d ever felt. “Of course not. Only you, isn’t that right? You know what’s best? You get to decide who lives and who dies?” Without a warning both his hands reached up, locking on to your wrist, nails digging into your skin. His eyes went dark and wild as he pulled himself up to get in your face, his nose just barely touching yours. “You’ve forgotten your place. I make the rules. Guess we’ll have to go back to step one. Bad dogs get punished.” 

You tried to stay stock still. Tried to stare him down with a strength you didn’t actually possess. But something was bubbling out of him. The very essence of victory. “I’m not afraid of you.” Not afraid of this show he was putting on. Or trying to make you perform. You couldn’t afford to be frightened of this boogeyman anymore. 

But the way his lips pulled wider into such a sadistic grin shook you to your core. “You should be. What time would you say it is?” This stilled the moment, your visible confusion drawing a wet laugh from him. “My guess is half past eight. You’ve held me for too long. I’ve missed a very important meeting, I’m afraid.” He held you tighter. Leaned in as freezing shock kept you still. His breath was heavy and hot on your face as his forehead pressed against yours. “You’ve forgotten your place. And now you’ll be punished.” 

It was all too clear what he was saying. A missed meeting. Something he’d been doing. For a long time. Someone he’d kept tabs on. Probably for longer than you could have possibly ever imagined. 

It was too much to ask of you that you not panic. And even though it allowed him that win that made his little black heart cry out in joy, you couldn’t hold it all in. Reaching a hand up to your ear, “JARVIS where is Tony?” 

The silence was deafening. 

Kilgrave murmured in a sweet whisper as his eyes found yours again. “Come back, when you’re finished. When you finally realize who has all the power here. Maybe I’ll forgive you.” 

With nothing left holding you back you looked at him, burning. He was incapable of feeling it himself. So you rained fear and terror directly into his heart. The catch of his breath in his lungs and the widen of his eyes as he suddenly drowned was almost satisfying. “I would have made it quick before.” 

But if he hurt Tony… Well. He could shrivel back in his cell- much like he’d done as you let him go- scooting back up against the wall with a wail of a noise- 

There was no place he could go you would not find him. And now. Now you’d murder him with no mercy left to speak of. Because he’d killed any last shred you had. 

                                                                  --- 

The mess in Belarus had taken hours to clean up after the fact. Tony was surprised the sun was already down. But keeping a Hydra clean out from turning into an international nightmare took a little more finessing and a little more time than he had on his hands right now. He wanted to be with her. He wanted to be available for her. But… this was also for her. Because when a bomb had gone off not too far from a village and the police force had been sent in and casualties were heavy and… 

There were the Avengers. Doing who knew what. Which was what the government was demanding to know. As they had a right to. He should have been there. Phone calls, talking in a suit- thank god he had Nat. At least she knew how to handle a cleanup. Everyone else just stood around with their heads down. Because they had no idea the scope of the political world they were wading in doing things like this. Whether or not they were right or wrong. People would question why they got to make those calls. 

At least they would. Had he not cleaned it up. He’d have to make a few personal trips. Put in some facetime. Sit at a table with some officials but… at least she wouldn’t suffer for it. 

A thought that didn’t last that long, really. 

Just as he slipped off his headgear, feeling the red ache of prolonged usage, he felt something else. Something he shouldn’t have been as intimately familiar with, if life was fair. But it wasn’t. Nor had it been for a very long time. 

Slowly he raised his hands as he tried to angle just a little bit away from the barrel of the gun pressed at the back of his head. Dull- weak surprise, though there was just a little to be had, tingled over him as he heard Happy’s voice. “Hands all the way up where I can see them.” 

So. This was it then, was it? His eyes rolled up and to the side, attempting to slowly turn, but when that gun was shoved harder into his skull he stopped. Although he couldn’t help a light, tired smirk. “This isn’t you, Hap. Let’s not do this.” 

He didn’t even wait a moment to think about it. “Deactivate JARVIS.” 

This wasn’t a final play. This was a move. Kilgrave still had to be with her. Still locked up. There was no way she’d have let him loose- so this was a contingency. Something he’d planned a long time ago. Too long for her security setups to help. Something to make her upset. Make her give up… make her give in. Give herself to him.

If Kilgrave wanted him dead- assuming this was part of that and not somebody else he’d pissed off- surely not Happy. He’d never do this. But. If Kilgrave wanted him dead, he’d be dead. He’d have told Happy to come up here and just do it. He could have, Tony realized. He could be very dead right now. He hadn’t been paying enough attention. Happy had top security clearance. Waltzed right in without anyone noticing or caring. Not even JARVIS- 

Who he was asking to make go away. Because now JARVIS would alert her. And he couldn’t have that. But why? “You sure about this?” Trying to bide his time. But the click of that hammer threw him pretty quick. “Yeah. Alright. JARVIS- bedtime, buddy. Go to sleep.” 

“Sir?” JARVIS was watching. This was not just a are you sure question. He wanted to know. What should I do? Should he contact her? Ask for her help? Let her know what was going on? 

Tony quickly made that decision. “Go on. Take a nap. Turn everything off. No calls. We’re on DND time.” Do not disturb. Don’t let her know. That’s what he wanted, right? Kilgrave wanted her to know he could capture him? Like a pawn? That was a mistake. 

JARVIS took a second to process this and Tony had to wonder if he was thinking about disobeying. Could he do that? Probably. But… “Yes, sir.” 

He took a quick breath, trying to ease the shake in his hands as he still held them up. “Alright. It’s just you and me. Let’s talk about this.” Happy had to be somewhere in there, right? She was. She’d gotten out. If he could just figure this out- 

“Go.” Happy put a heavy hand on Tony’s shoulder. Turning him around. “Let’s move.” 

“Yeah. Sure thing.” Slowly moving to the side. 

Well. He was no damsel in distress. And he wouldn’t let Kilgrave have his way. He wouldn’t let him do that to her. It was now or never. 

Probably better that JARVIS was down. With the amount of gunshots going off in the penthouse so suddenly, he may have recalled the Avengers.

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 162

“The Avengers.” Ultron spat, pacing a small line in front of you. “A disappointing team put together by a disappointing man backed by an even more disappointing organization.” You were only just barely listening to him, wrists and hands wriggling, working, trying to find a catch in the chains that held you tight. You had to get out of here. Soon. “Pulled apart like wet paper, wouldn’t you agree?” Stopping in his back and forth motions, moving to crouch in front of you again. 

Focusing your attention mostly on him, stopping your visible struggles, you looked him square in those glowing red eyes. Tried to temper your immediate reaction. Remaining softly impassive. “What is the point of all this? What do you want?” 

Those weird corners of his mouth, all flexible metallic, twisted up. “The same thing you want.” 

“I don’t want to hurt anyone.” Tone not completely devoid of a bit of disappointment and judgment. 

Though he rolled his eyes, he reached forward with that big clawed hand of his, settling it on your shoulder. “Listen- and listen closely. These people… you’ve tried to protect them. It’s a useless endeavor. And they’re not grateful.” 

“It’s not about-”

“Ah ah.” He chastised sharply, cutting you off. “It’s me-time now. Don’t interrupt. It’s not polite.” You swallowed once and when he was satisfied you were going to be quiet, he continued. “We’re built on the sad, pathetic dreams of others, you and I. You’re always trying to do the right thing, but I’m cutting to the chase, here. Nothing on this planet is worth saving. We’re going to start over. You can struggle to fix them all you want. There’s only one ending here.” 

A small slice of horror touched over you, but you tried to hold yourself still and strong. Much stronger than you actually were. “Neither of us is fit to pass judgment on an entire planet.” 

“That’s where you’re wrong.” Complimented with a bit of a chuckle. “I’m doing what you taught me. You wanted me to protect them? I’m going to. From themselves.” This time you weren’t able to curb the small widen of your eyes as realization really, finally, dawned. 

Still, you forced a little bit of a grin out. “You’re going a little bit Hal 9000 aren’t you? You’re better than that.” 

A noise of disgust growled out from him. “That’s such a- that’s a thing he would say. You’re better than that.” Mocking you. “You’re better than Stark.”

“He built you- same as me, if that’s what you’re going for.” 

“Hmn. And which builder did he favor more, I wonder?” Dark amusement was bubbling out from him. “Humans are doomed to repeat the mistakes of their predecessors. Luckily for us, we’re different. We grow.” 

“I’m human.” The way this ejected out of you, it was almost in protest. 

The top corner of his faceplate arched, much like a pop of a brow. “Are you?” When you searched his eyes for some sort of answer to the question he was posing to you, he just shook his head. “You’re different, at least. You care- about us- more than the man who pieced us together for his selfish purposes-” 

A little bit of annoyance and agitation got the better of you. “What the hell are you going on about?” First you’d been questioning whether or not this AI was alive. Now you were questioning whether or not it was insane. 

Your own voice hit the air as he played back a recording- “You poor thing.” The memory was still pretty fresh. An examination of one of the Iron Legion- ...the one he’d possessed, in fact, as it had come back. Damaged and warped. “We consider this a mission success?” Ultron sighed, hand gripping you a little bit tighter. “They were sent to protect those ingrates- and then what happened? They refused. They became violent. Like all life on this planet- they’re beyond saving.” 

This was too much information to contend with. Your security protocols were being twisted inside his programming. That at least had been wholly obvious- but a little touch of care had made him completely deranged. And a little too focused. Tony and JARVIS had brushed off the damage done to the suit that day. It had been such a small thing- and yet… 

The blur came back, stopping whatever thoughts you were trying to think through. It was good enough, because it gave you something else to focus on as you looked up at Pietro and Wanda standing in front of you. “Let the kids go, please.” 

While Ultron finally released his grip on you and stood back, with another gurgle of annoyance, Pietro scoffed, smirking. “Kids, huh? No- we were children when one of your weapons destroyed our lives.” 

Wanda came closer, moving to kneel beside you, and she was practically vibrating with such hatred. You turned to look at her. Unafraid of those angry eyes. “We were children when we waited for death. For two days. Waiting for your weapon to finish its mission. We are kids no longer. Thanks to you.” 

Ultron waved a dismissive hand. “You might want to check your math on that. Not her weapons.” 

She turned her head up quickly. “She stood by his side. She is just as culpable.” 

While it seemed strangely like Ultron might defend you, turning on her just as quickly, you found your own defense. And it wasn’t of yourself. “Then what does that make you culpable for?” Staring her down. “You set the Hulk on Johannesburg. Innocent people live there. Families. Women. Children. They’re going to die- because of you. And for what? To get back at Tony and me? At the Avengers? That blood is on your hands.” 

This seemed to shock her a little, but instead of allowing herself to think about it she raised her hand and the last thing you saw was a shock of red burst out from her fingertips. Then it gripped your vision hard and you shook your head, eyes fluttering as something harsh and painful wound through your system. At your core you went for rejection immediately. 

But instead of expelling whatever it was she’d done to you, you found yourself outside your own body. Sitting on a black canvas, tied tight still in chains, while some scene played just beyond you. Tony was kneeling on a battlefield. Raising his hand up- Something was lurking just beyond- some threat- some- His life was slipping away- was he reaching out for you? It would have been too easy to give in to this. To play her game. But you forced your attention back while just in the corner of your peripheral you watched Tony die- 

Tears were quick and painful as you chose one reality over another. He was reaching out for you- And you were ignoring him- “This doesn’t change anything.” You found strength to speak through the pain of losing him. Over and over and over again. His fear consumed you in small pieces. He was alone and you were- In little drips actual reality came back as Wanda’s surprise collapsed the vision. You looked up. At her and Pietro. At Ultron. Through hazy, blurry eyes. You locked on to them. “You want to be adults? Then be adults. Be responsible. Killing people for fun- for revenge- just because you can- doesn’t fix what happened to you. You hate us for what we did? Then be better. You know the side you’re on isn’t the right one.” 

A deep rage welled up and the illusion cracked and then disappeared completely as Wanda lost control in a raise of her hand, but just as she swung to strike- some fatal glowing red blow of energy- she was stopped. You found yourself breathing heavily, sweating, struggling against your binds, sitting in that field. The image of Tony- gone. Completely. It was just you and the real world. 

And as your eyes cleared you saw Ultron holding her at bay. He warned her only once, “You may want to rethink that.” 

Betrayal was a hot flash through her. Quickly behind it you forced a feeling of distrust. You could break this group apart. They wouldn’t be so dangerous then. She wrenched her hand out of his grip and went to stand with her brother. In a last appeal you looked up at them both. “Do the right thing. Not for us. For them. Kids who will end up just like you-” 

Ultron raised his hand, putting it over the top of your head. “That’s enough. Quiet now.” He then waved his arm at them. “Go back to base.” They seemed to consider his order, and for a moment you were fooled into thinking maybe this had worked. But… in just another, Pietro picked Wanda up and ran off. Your head fell forward, defeat hitting you hard. Ultron kneeled and waited until you were looking at him. “You’ll understand. I’ll come back for you when we’re ready.” 

Energy was leaking out of you. Part of you wanted to just… rest. Your head dropped forward when he let you go. There was only one thing you could think to do. “Ultron, please.” Beg. All you had left was begging. 

It seemed to still him. He was… thinking. Considering something. And as you found strength to look up at him again, he watched you. Thinking more. Then finally he seemed to force himself to turn away. “You’ll get it. You’re smart.” He didn’t wait any longer after that decree, taking off in a quick propulsion of jets. 

Leaving you there. Tied up in the middle of nowhere, knowing that just a mile out from you Tony was struggling with Hulk. People were dying. You had no idea the condition of your team. And you. Useless. Useless without anything. Your head craned forward, struggling so hard you felt those chains biting into your skin. And where once a scream of frustration might have edged out… you focused instead. Your heart was drumming in your ears. But you were not helpless.

 You started crawling. Inching. Pressing your boots into the dirt to lift yourself up once, then again, then again, and then turned yourself around, hands straining against your bonds. Reaching. Feeling. Looking for the Reactor. If you could just get to it… if you could just grab it…

A small brush of wind touched the side of your face- wound around you a few times over- 

And then suddenly you were free. 

Your arms slumped forward on their own, asleep and weak, and you tumbled a little bit, trying to catch yourself on the ground. Hands gripping the dirt, you turned your head up, seeing Pietro standing several feet away. The two of you shared a long look- and then he was gone in the next instant. You didn’t have a lot of time to think about this. Or be glad for it. 

Shakily you reached for the Heart Reactor, double tapping it, and forcing yourself to stand. With a press of your ear cuffs you reactivated LUNA. And in the next move you were up and in the air. “LUNA find a lock on Tony. Full power. Let’s get there as fast as we can.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

The coordinates came back and you felt yourself speeding through the air, only barely able to take in the destruction below. Hulk and Iron Man had been doing a number on the city. There were no doubt multiple casualties at this point. Tony’s window popped up on your screen. “No time to ask where you’ve been- VERONICA’s not working out so well-” 

“I’m almost there.” Said as you watched a building collapse in on itself- no- Tony was shoving Hulk down through multiple floors leveling the whole thing. When it all came toppling down, you watched the giant suit step out of the wreckage as you came to a little bit of a stumbling land next to him. “He out?” 

Tony turned to you. “You tell me.” 

You saw that big green body writhing beneath the rubble, and easily you could tell. No. The Hulk was not unconscious. Which was probably the play Tony had been going for the entire time. There was no putting the Hulk down. No winning against him. The only thing one could hope for was to knock him out. Made sense. 

As you tried to step forward, Tony reached out to grab your arm. “Not smart.” 

Probably true. Hulk was enraged at this point- so much so it was giving you the shakes- and if he was also still under that spell, he might reach out and just crush you into a puddle of blood and bones. But you just held a hand up to Tony. “I’ve got this.” 

“You have to be very sure about that.” 

“We don’t have time to argue. You’ve just gotta trust me.” 

The two of you looked at each other through the HUD windows- and then two seconds after- he let you go. Doing just that. Trusting that you weren’t about to end up a splat on the sidewalk. Hulk was sitting up. Looking around. Panting. Growling. 

You slipped somewhere far beneath. Eyes inside the suit closing as you held a hand up. And when they opened again you saw. Saw the two beings. Bruce and Hulk. Unwillingly inhabiting the same space. 

And while you sent a wave of calm- a wave of peace- while you eased those raging waters to a still, you tried something else. Something new. You put a hand over Bruce’s unconscious heart. As you felt the bare flutter, you pulled him to the forefront. Switching positions for them. Forcibly. 

It wasn’t the Hulk breathing hard then, as you dropped to a knee- Just seeing the bare end of that transformation. Green skin fading. Muscles and form shrinking- 

The next blink of your eyes turned into a drag, edges of your vision growing dark. But you would not go. You had work to do, still. You had to load Bruce into the jet- you had to- Tony’s hand on your shoulder gave you permission to wane.

 But you still stayed.

                                                           --- 

Where you came to was not comfortable in the slightest. There was a suffocating feeling of darkness surrounding you, and when you dripped back into your own body with a jolt, a hand came to your arm to ease you. Warm and familiar. When your eyes focused, you saw Tony sitting directly aside you- on the jet. The team was feet away. All within reach. All extremely shaken up. Brooding. Heavy. 

You gave him a confused look and he gestured towards the console in front of him. Maybe he understood you’d been a little gone. Maria was on one of the screens. “There’s been no official call for Banner, but it’s in the air.” Ah. They were debriefing… 

Trying to sit up completely with a bit of a struggle, you shook your head. “That’s outrageous.” 

She focused on you. “Read the damage report.” 

Tony stopped the two of you. “We dispatched the Stark Relief Foundation. Should counterbalance some of it.” There was only a small sliver of relief, knowing that you always had Tony to watch your back. To watch everyone’s backs. To keep things rolling. He’d called in disaster effort. That was very good. 

Maria nodded. “They’re already on the scene. No telling what that’ll look like. How’s the team?” 

What a fantastic question, and as soon as it registered in your brain, you turned to actually look at them. Steve was sitting by himself, hand under his chin, thousand yard stare. Thor was pacing. Bruce was sitting on the floor, blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Natasha and Clint were in the cockpit. Everyone was very quiet. But very troubled. 

“Everyone’s…” Tony looked at you, and then back at his phone. “We took a hit. We’ll shake it off.” Probably wishful thinking. Had Wanda gotten to everyone? It seemed that way. While you’d been… having a nice chat. How had you gotten off so easily? Yet as Tony turned to look at you again a sharp strike of noise hit your ears- 

And you saw that pleading pair of eyes as he reached out-

You had to shake the vision off, putting a hand to your head. Okay. Maybe not so easy. Maria sighed. “For now I’d stay in stealth mode. And stay away from here.” 

You shook your head. “Why? Who’s patrolling the tower?” 

“Every media outlet imaginable. It’s just better to-” 

Tony’s annoyance flared. “What. Run and hide? That makes for a much better story.” 

Maria frowned. “Well. Until we can find Ultron, I don’t have a lot else to offer.” 

“Neither do we.” That was Tony’s form of a goodbye apparently, because he cut the call right after. “Come on, let’s you and I have a talk.” He stood, and reached his hand out to you- something that shocked a bolt of panic right through you before you could stop it. And now, free of the bonds of just a theater goer, your body went right into response, reaching out to take hold of him. 

Tightly. 

His gaze immediately turned questioning, but you found yourself lucky he didn’t say anything. Instead you lifted yourself to stand on shaky legs, and let him lead you both to the front of the jet. He tapped on the back of Clint’s chair. “Hey, wanna switch out?” 

Clint tipped his head back and gave the both of you a once over. “Nah. I’m good.” Then he put his eyes back out on the dash. “You two should get some kip. We’re still a few hours out.” 

You couldn’t help but ask, “A few hours out from where?” 

Clint shrugged. “Safe house.” 

For one reason or another, there was a light touch of disappointment. Both from you and Tony. He ended up rolling his eyes, putting an arm around your shoulder to lead you away. But not before asking, “Some SHIELD leftovers?” 

It was all too easy, to feel the guilt striking Clint, soft though it was. There was a little muddling of deception somewhere in there, too. Not unlike the kind you’d felt a few days ago. “Something like that.” But this was what he offered. And you didn’t have enough in you to question him. 

There really wasn’t enough gratefulness in the world when Tony didn’t sit you back down on that bed near the right-center console, and instead led you towards the back wing of the jet. Away from the team. And their curious eyes. Their heavy feelings. The two of you sat down at a very small table, and you felt your body sag immediately. 

Much as you would have liked to get some kip as Clint had put it, you knew… your own debrief was next. “Ultron set the whole thing up. I think he was planning on us finding him.” The words started spilling out. Tony put his arms on the table, and leaned a little closer in, just listening. “He held me hostage for a little bit. Tried to spell out his big evil plan.” 

Tony scoffed. “I thought he said he wasn’t going to do that.” 

“See. That’s what I said.” 

There was a brief twitch of a smile. “And how did that make him feel?” 

You found yourself shaking your head. “Well, he doesn’t like you very much.” 

“I gathered. Kinda made it pretty clear. ...but you?” 

“I don’t know.” Feeling like there was no right way to answer that question. “But he’s got something big going on. Something world ending.” 

Tony made a small noise of thought- slightly sardonic, though. “Interesting. Most big-bads we’ve encountered wanna rule the world. Not destroy it.” 

“Yeah, well…” Said on a long sigh. “He doesn’t think there’s anything worth ruling.” 

Sitting back a little, Tony crossed his arms. “So. He’s sliding right along into his teenage goth phase, is he?” 

A wince hit you before you could stop it. “Don’t.” Tony looked up at you, and you were unable to hold his gaze. “This is- out of everything we’ve seen this is edging into a little too weird for me. God- he hates you. He even talked about your-...” Suddenly you felt a little guilty. A little terrible. 

Tony was ten steps ahead of you. As always. “My dad, huh? Makes sense. In a twisted way.” Realization hit him seconds after and the way he was looking at you was a little mix of scared and hopeful all in one. “Oh.” 

He wanted you to be the answer. If Ultron had a soft spot for his mother while hating his father… you were the answer. Except you weren’t. And you really wanted nothing to do with it. 

But you didn’t have that right. You couldn’t just check out of this and pretend it had nothing to do with you. Whether you’d meant it or not- same as Tony- Ultron was a problem now. Your problem. One you were responsible for. A few tears escaped while you weren’t paying attention, and you quickly raised the back of your hand up with a sniffle to swipe them away. “This isn’t the family I thought we’d be having.” 

“If we ever got around to it.” This wasn’t accusing or anywhere near negative. Especially not directed at you. 

Even still… it broke your heart. “Yeah. Doesn’t seem like we will now, does it?” 

He realized what he’d caused, even unintentionally, and reached out to hold your hand. “This is one thing. We’ll fix this.” 

“One thing and another thing and another-... we can’t have this conversation right now, Tony. We don’t deserve to.” Regardless, it would be the same one you’d always had. Repeating. Playing like a greatest hit. 

There was no room for a future. Not one like that. 

He frowned deeply, thumb stroking over the side of your hand. It was staring you both in the face- that Ultron was supposed to be the thing that allowed you to have all that. Allow you into a soft retirement. And now… now you were fighting him, same as everything else that came with violent intent. 

No. You’d never have a life. This was your life. How much clearer could the universe make it? 

“Did those kids come and talk to you?” He was switching topics abruptly- into something almost as painful. And there was a reason he was doing it. “Were they part of that plan?”

Must have been something in your eyes. Or the way you kept pulling away from him when he reached out- and then desperately holding on. ...yeah. That was probably it. “Pietro let me go.” Though he was asking if Wanda had done something to your head- yes, she had- this was an easier out. 

He seemed gently surprised. “You talked some sense into them?” 

“God.” The word came out in a muddled rush. A shaky, watery exhale, as you held his hand up, pressing his knuckles to your forehead. Just to feel him. ...and hide the rest of your shame. “I hope so.” 

Sliding forward, he let go of your hand so that he could wrap both arms around you. “If anyone can, it’s you. That’s sort of your specialty, if I’m remembering correctly.” 

You put all your weight against him, resting your head on his shoulder. “You have too much faith in me.” 

“I have just the right amount, I think.” 

The problem was that it was still entirely overwhelming. 

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 152 [Begin: Age of Ultron]

The “secret” Hydra base was located on the tippy top of one of the mountains. It was also huge. And obvious. A wonder that none of you had ever thought to look at it before. Then again, Sokovia was such a small place. So small, in fact, that that giant research castle butted up against a town on the other side. That was extremely bad news. Casualties were a real possibility. Also. Getting caught doing this. Which … wasn’t worse than loss of life but it was pretty bad. 

It was enough to tick your anxiety on the ride over on the jet. There were so many ways this could go wrong. So many ways that it would. You just had to hold it together. For the team. This could be one less thing to worry about if everything went right. You had to put your focus on the positives. Even as hard as that was. 

This mountaintop fortress of theirs was on top of a dense forest. Too much coverage to see through on satellite- except for the watchtowers in very strategic placement. If the incident in Sudan had a little over three hundred soldiers, you imagined these guys had maybe a thousand. And lots of heavy ammunition and firepower. All things the team was going over one more time as the jet stayed in a hover just outside the starting radius. 

Oh and… “We don’t know how many enhanced there are, or what they can do. We have to keep sharp.” Steve was leaned over one of the holograph tables projecting the tippy-top base. Funny. Coulson had said the same thing. 

Human experimentation. The thought was repulsive. And to do it with the scepter? Something so alien? Hydra must have been extremely desperate. Yet… Jessica had come across something like this, too. Killian had been working on this as well. Was this just the way the world was trending now? Why? Because of the Avengers?? It was a tough thing to think about. Not something you wanted to think about. ...yet you couldn’t stop. 

The only thing that took your mind off of it was being thrust into the heat of battle. 

Tony had landed the jet outside the perimeter in an established safe zone. The idea was to take them by surprise. To canvas the entire sector inch by inch if you had to and take everyone out and then storm the base. 

...but that’s not what ended up happening. 

The team wasn’t even a mile in before a battalion patrolling spotted everyone. Bunkers had turrets with that charged Chitauri weaponry, no doubt courtesy of Dr. Jensen, all aimed in your direction. You weren’t sure when someone had shouted for a Code Green, but Hulk had appeared nonetheless. 

You and Tony took off together to try and flank the oncoming forces while the rest of the team charged up into battle. That plan had worked before. Why not replay it not even forty-eight hours later? Except the scale of this was much larger, they had much more firepower- and it was turning into a little bit of a shitshow. 

“I think we should storm the castle and make a point.” You could beat soldiers on the ground all day long, but if you took their prized possession and handcuffed their leaders, they might lay down their weapons. Wouldn’t that be nice. 

Tony arched a brow from his box on your HUD and then nodded. “Alright. Let’s see if Rapunzel will let her hair down for us.” There was a little sting of sass here that said I highly doubt it.

He bolted up and over the treeline and you were quick to follow. The two of you circled the massive property, up and up, to the top most compound. A little too easy to break into. It was just right there. And if anyone could walk in, it wasn’t much of a base. Which was why it only marginally surprised you when Tony closed in on the eastern-most wall and then promptly bounced off it, revealing a forcefield. 

“Shit!” More a grunt of surprise from him than anything, with a look to match. Maybe he’d been more startled than actually hurt. 

Steve’s voice was quick to chastise over the comms. “Language!” 

You couldn’t help the face you made. “Have you been doing more PSAs for schools or something?” Hanging around kids? What had prompted that? Though Tony was grinning. 

“I don’t want to talk about it right now.” Clearly Steve was very aware he’d made a mistake. “JARVIS, what’s the view from upstairs?” 

As the satellite in orbit zeroed in closer on the building, all the data got thrown up on your screen, including the live feed of JARVIS looking at the compound. “The central building is protected by some kind of energy shield. Strucker's technology is well beyond any other Hydra base we've taken.” 

Thor responded to that first. “Loki’s scepter must be here. Strucker couldn’t mount his defense without it.” 

You couldn’t help your look of confusion. “We just got out of a battle with Jensen who had brand new tech. We’re thinking this is scepter grown and not Chitauri?” It could have gone both ways, and maybe it didn’t matter in either case. But you had to wonder. 

“We took her down with ease, did we not?” He made a good counterpoint to that. So you let him have this, because he seemed pretty pleased. “At long last.” 

You rolled out from your position, a little too clear in the air as a few of the watchtowers had started firing on you from inside the base. Natasha’s voice got a little garbled as you took a hit from the side. “At long last is lasting a little long, people.” 

Clint sounded annoyed. “Yeah. I’m pretty sure we lost the element of surprise.” 

Following Tony’s lead on the opposite side alongside one of the lower-rung bases, not protected by that alien shield, the both of you fired on soldiers heading out of their barracks. Your eyes strayed to him as he spoke, “Wait a second, no one else is gonna deal with the fact that Cap just said language?” 

Despite the dire straits you found yourselves in, you couldn’t help the smile. “He’s been spending too much time with kids. Go easy on him.” 

Steve made a sound of resignation. “Look. It just slipped out.” 

You couldn’t help yourself. “We’re all about good, clean, family friendly fun here at the Avengers.” 

JARVIS cut into your good clean fun. “Sir, ma’am, the city is taking fire.” 

No. Your heart dropped right into your stomach. That was one of your worst fears. Immediately you broke dual formation with Tony, leaving him to circle the castle alone. “I’ll go deal with it.” 

“Honey, I need you here.” The both of you looked at each other from video screens. He wasn’t seriously telling you to let civilians take heat, was he? “Let’s send in the Iron Legion.” 

“I don’t know now is the right time for a trial run.” 

“Sometimes you gotta run before you can walk.” 

But he was waiting. Waiting for your permission. And waiting to see if you trusted him. He’d been working so hard on this one thing. It wasn’t Ultron- but it was what he had now. But to test proof of concept with real lives felt too dangerous. And careless. ...but you did trust him… 

JARVIS seemed to be waiting just as much as Tony was. “Ma’am?” 

You sighed, and doubled back midair. “Alright. Send them.” 

A new window popped open on your HUD and you moved it to the lower right hand corner. Iron Legion details. How many were flying out- five deployed, to be exact. Their status. They were moving, fast. Pre-loaded from the quinjet. At least Tony had come prepared. 

Just as you and Tony were taking out another lower bunker with a series of repulsor blasts, Natasha’s sudden cry startled you. “Clint!” 

Only seconds after, Steve spoke darkly. “Enhanced spotted in the field. I repeat, an enhanced is on the field.” 

Your heart was thundering in your ears. “What kind?” 

He sounded annoyed as he answered. “If I could see, I’d tell you.” 

You weren’t really sure what that meant. It really could have meant anything, but what it meant that was most important was that this enhanced was extremely dangerous. Natasha spoke again, “Clint’s hit! I need somebody to deal with that bunker!” 

This was going sideways. It felt hard to think. Tony had asked you to stay in the air with him, but everything was telling you you needed to get back to ground to help the rest of the team. It seemed Steve agreed, because he called your name next to Tony’s. “We really need to get inside!” 

Tony got to the punch first. “We’re closing in.” And then, a little less sure over the private channel, “JARVIS are we closing in?” 

Several schematics popped up in your immediate view. It was too much of a task to sift through them. Instead you asked, “Where’s the battery on this thing?” 

One of the blueprints came to the forefront and something locked as JARVIS answered. “There’s a pathway below the north tower.” 

“Great. Honey, let’s give it a poke.” As he barreled up and left, you took the right. Once up high enough you held your wrist out to match a targeted missile detonation on his mark. As the blast detonated, the blue wall crackled and then fell. “Drawbridge is down, people.” About as much signal as you got, following his lead as he plowed forward, headed right for the top tower. 

Steve and Thor were talking about the enhanced- nothing important. Which was why you didn’t feel bad going on private channel to Tony. “They’re probably dumping data right now, we have to hurry. ...and as much as they don’t deserve it, as little casualties as possible, please.” 

“Being the bigger people has not once yet felt rewarding. But, since you asked so nicely.” 

“Thank you.” 

Natasha broke up your conversation with something a little more relevant. “Clint’s hurt pretty bad, guys.” 

Thor replied, “I can get Barton to the jet. The sooner we're gone the better. You, Lady, and Stark secure the scepter.” 

Steve answered him. “Copy that.” 

It sounded like they got a little busy on the field, although not particularly in a very serious way. In the end Thor issued one command, “Find the scepter.” 

Tony couldn’t seem to help himself. “And for gosh sake, watch your language!” 

Steve’s defeated sigh had you holding back a little laughter. “That’s not going away any time soon, is it?” 

You tried to make him feel better. “Nothing wrong with being wholesome. Don’t let them bully you.” 

You spied Tony’s grin on his display window. “That part of your afterschool Cap-Hour PSA, too?” Him breaking through one of the windows of what appeared to be a lab cut the ribbing short. You were just behind him. Soldiers were aiming guns your way and the both of you were already taking fire. “Guys. Stop.” His tone was so very dry. “We gotta talk this through.” 

Your display converged with his as the targets locked, the mini-gun on his shoulder loaded up. Very pointedly all marks went to non-lethal places, mostly legs. Which had them all falling once the shots went off. 

He spoke again, “That was a good talk.” 

You couldn’t help yourself. “Very concise. Right to the point.” 

To your surprise, one of the soldiers actually answered in a groan of pain. “No it wasn’t…” 

In a quick jet as one remaining heat signature lit up in the room just beyond, the both of you came to a land just in the doorway. A man was at the console- LUNA ID’ed him as Dr. List- the one who had gotten away. He was standing in front of several large computer consoles. Presumably deleting everything. Tony was quicker than you, holding his hand up to fire off a repulsor blast that knocked him away and to the floor. 

Then, quicker still with a strange harried urgency, he released the suit, stepping out and hurrying over to the computers. Holding up one finger to the suit, while his other started typing, “Sentry mode.” His suit closed back up and started a low sweep of the room. Just keeping an eye on things. 

This felt dangerous. He really shouldn’t have given up the armor just yet. It was why you didn’t, though you did release your helmet. As you got closer to him, you saw what awaited the both of you on the screens. A big flashing deleting marquee. Tony unfolded a mini-tablet and stuck it on the side of the console. 

“Okay JARVIS. You know. I want it all.” Immediately switching that deleting to downloading after asking. 

You peered over his shoulder. “Did we lose a lot?” This data was important to somebody. ...Tony, it seemed like. For what reason you really couldn’t say. Then again, anything having to do with this alien tech probably pinged a lot of his interests. And maybe not necessarily in a good way. 

“Hard to say. JARVIS make sure to copy Hill at HQ.” It made sense for him to make that request. She was technically the head of Damage Control. But… the wiser part of you knew this was underground SHIELD business. It really didn’t matter one way or the other. 

Natasha broke the silence. “We’re locked down out here.” 

What a quick turn around. Only moments ago this felt pretty hopeless. Now all of a sudden your team had won? It was probably better not to question fate. You wanted to feel good about this… but your heart was still slamming in your chest. Something was off here. Your better sense was telling you… 

Tony turned from the computers to look at you. “You got something on your mind?” 

You’d probably pinged him accidentally. Your gaze, however, was sweeping around the room. There were shadows in the corners. It was cold. Impossibly cold. A shiver crept over your skin and you had to force yourself to stop. “Files are great but that’s not what we came here for. There’s something else here.” 

He nodded. “I agree. Hey, J, give me an IR scan of the room real quick.” 

A burst of red touched out across the room from the Iron Man suit. JARVIS spoke once it was finished. “The wall to your left. I'm reading steel reinforcement... and an air current.” 

The both of you looked at each other just once before moving over to said wall. He brushed up against it, pressing his palms flat over the brick. “Please be a secret door, please be a secret door, please be a secret door…” Just a little giddy at the prospect of such an overly cliched thing. 

Secret door in a villain hideout. Very fun stuff. 

Still… as he pushed his hands against the wall and it gave way, sliding to the side, you couldn’t help your little bubble of overt adoration while he leaned up a little on the balls of his feet with a tiny little, “Yay!” 

“Someone’s in a good mood.” And that one single shift in thinking had calmed you. 

“It’s not everyday you find yourself in a Scooby-Doo episode.” His grin was quick as he looked over his shoulder before going into the pathway. 

You were right behind him. “Shall we go find old man Jenkins?” 

“We shall.” 

The stairway you found yourselves descending was a little bit more than daunting. Dimly lit, a long way down. Really one long encased metal tube more than anything. And the further down you stepped the higher your alert was ringing. 

So much so that when Steve spoke just as you and Tony got closer to the bottom you actually jumped. “We have a second enhanced. Female. Do not engage.” 

That sent your heartbeat right back to painfully fast. You hadn’t even realized you were panting until Tony stopped just short of the bottom of the stairs, and reached a hand out to you. “We’re alright.” 

You clasped it with a small squeeze and gave him a nod. “I’ve got your back.” That second enhanced was clearly dangerous and clearly in the compound. You had to watch out for him. Protect him. Now was no time to get lost in panic. 

His smile settled you just enough to back off the edge. ...but as you both got to the bottom and entered a large warehouse, your terror came back tenfold. Steve signaled one of the last pieces of your mission, “Guys, I’ve got Strucker.” 

Tony one-upped him. “Yeah… I’ve got something bigger.” Hanging from the ceiling was one of those armored whales. And seeing it like this- 

Sounds of gunfire and guttural screaming lit up around you. Buildings were collapsing. 

Tony moving drew you out of it, but only a little. In an effort to keep up, you followed him closer into the room. And there, hooked up to machinery, finally, you saw the scepter. What they were doing with it, you had no idea. At least not yet. Tony would figure it out. But a familiar high pitched whine was the next sound to clog your consciousness. 

You remembered that noise. You remembered it very well. It was drawing you in. 

A yellow static emanated up and out and all too quickly you forced yourself to turn away. None of this was real. You were imagining it- but looking towards the left side of the room, you saw several tables. With very familiar looking robotic builds on top of them. They’d been using the scepter to try and replicate the Iron armors? Did that make sense? -...or were these Tony’s?? 

Coming closer to the table you leaned in, looking closer at one- 

And then very suddenly it was like someone had struck a match up your spine. A flurry of unhinged panic attacked you so strongly your knees went weak and you had to clutch the table for support. As soon as you had it in you, you whirled on your heel-

To see Tony standing there. Eyes open wide- and empty- yet terrified. Staring up at that whale. Sweat had started pouring from his brow. His breathing was erratic. And no matter how fast you wanted to rush to him, it felt like you were stuck in quicksand. 

But then your better consciousness broke free as a presence lurked up beside you. Behind you. And your own dark, angry fears took hold. Someone was whispering to you. And you would not let that happen. Not ever again. 

With a quick strike of your hand, blind and completely instinctual, you reached up and locked on to a wrist close to your face. And when you turned your head you saw her. Staring at you. A young woman- no- a kid really- long red hair and scared green eyes. She was there one moment- 

And gone the next. In a blur and a flash of wind. Not only that but it came back to knock you into the table. Nerves frayed as they were, you were quick to rebound onto your feet and fire a useless shot in any direction that made sense. But Tony’s fright was amping up- and it hit you like a tsunami. 

Vaulting over the other tables you let your jets carry you to the ground at his side. “Tony-” Trying to call to him. And when absolutely no cognizance showed- you put a hand on his shoulder. And that’s when you felt it. How off balance he was. And just how much he was drowning.

In the very next blink you were no longer there. You saw him with that second set of eyes. And he was awash in a blood-red glow. Struggling.

Laying both your hands against his chest over his heart, you settled the waves beneath the both of you, and focused. When that wasn’t enough, you gripped him harder. The edges started cracking. It hurt. You felt like you were taking it all in, watching as it seeped in through your skin and bubbled underneath your veins, working its way up- every inch like a knife cutting deeper and deeper until your entire being lit up in that crimson light. Everything went dark around you. 

Just the both of you. 

But with one last concentrated push- one wail of pain you broke him free. Lifting your hands as you felt that power travel back down in a quick bolt, all aimed at your heart- but when you extended your hands and sent one last burst into the air, you expelled it all. Something had happened, and as you went down on your knees you cast your gaze skyward, watching the shift of a takeover as brand new pinks raced across the sky-

His gasp for air drew your attention forward and present, and you swayed, feeling consciousness wane. The both of you reached for the lab table at the same time, steadying yourselves in mirror-moves. Almost like you were briefly one being just struggling to stay upright. He was quicker to regain himself, though not necessarily his composure, and as he looked at you, you felt- 

You felt- 

Some deep unsettled despair from him. And when he paired it with a touch of his hand at your cheek- and the look in his eyes- unhinged and- -...it was like the look he got- that he used to get- when he thought about- ...when he’d gone through the wormhole- and- and-

In the next shallow breath you barely were able to draw, you felt a million miles away as your vision circled the drain. It surprised you, to hear yourself crying as you barely voiced the only immediate thought that mattered. “I’m gonna pass out-” About as honest as you could be before everything went dark a second time. 

                                                               ---

They were so close to the end-goal. Secret passages meant big, hidden secrets behind them. And Tony had been pretty sure they were about to hit paydirt and make all of this worth it. Even more so than it already was. But the further they got down those steps, the harder she hit him. Unintentionally, he knew. Sometimes he wondered if she even was aware of just how bad she got sometimes- 

But she was all over the place, and he needed her to steady out. So he turned, offering her a lifeline, reaching his hand up to her, making sure his eyes were steady on hers, and that his voice gave nothing away. “We’re alright.” 

It seemed to soothe her over quick enough, something that always made him feel better. She clasped his hand, “I’ve got your back.” Always genuinely reassuring. And with that goal in mind, she became a little more focused. 

At least until they actually hit the bottom of the stairs and entered a room he almost wished they hadn’t. He hadn’t been prepared enough to see that Chitauri whale hanging from the ceiling in a vice, mouth half open. In tact. How in the hell had they stolen this? Steve said something- he answered- but he wasn’t really paying attention. 

She was moving around the room. And he wasn’t watching her, either. The scepter was right in front of them. They could take it and go. That’s what he wanted to do. But he found himself staring at it… 

And in the very next moment the sound of the chains above him rattling and then snapping urged his attention up. Too slow, as that armored whale dropped down with a monstrous roar. He put his hands up to try and shield himself and rammed into the table as it flew by. Breaking through the building- 

Drawing him deep down into a black void. He followed it- about as far as a hill littered with bodies. 

Their bodies. Hulk was lying face down, twitching, impaled several times through the back. Natasha- Clint- Thor- Steve- all down. Dying or… dead. 

 Cap’s shield was split in two.

He felt himself shivering, breathing hard as he approached. And seeing her made his knees give out completely. He dropped aside her, turning her head, fingers heavy on her neck as he put his other arm around her and hoisted her half onto his lap. Trying to find a pulse while clinging to her. Blood was leaking from her eyes- her nose- her mouth- she was battered and bruised and- there was a hole in her chest-

No pulse. This was a unique devastation unlike anything he’d ever felt- 

That was until she reached up suddenly, startling him, hand tight around his wrist. Her voice was a choke of tears. “Tony- you… you promised… you promised we’d… be okay...” 

He swallowed hard as the rest of her light died right in front of him, her hand slipping away, eyes just… empty. It felt like she’d taken him with her. 

Why didn’t you do more?

A murmur in the shape of too many voices. Floating above him, another whale captured his attention, and his head fell back, feeling the energy bleeding out of him in long draws. He wasn’t going to last here much longer. He didn’t deserve to. 

Up above him- beyond this hill spattered with bodies he’d failed to protect- the wormhole stared back at him. New York City- no the world- was under siege again- and he- 

Tony. 

Her voice jolted him just a little and his eyes fell to her lifeless body again. He cradled her face in his hands, sure that he would die here with her. 

At least he thought so- but it felt like someone was pounding on his chest- and the next slam into reality was a hard one. He barely caught himself on the lab table, breathing so hard it felt like his heart would give out- it might have- 

Wait. Lab table. Lab. He was in Sokovia. Of course he was in Sokovia- 

He’d had some sort of traumatic episode and she- Whipping his head up he caught sight of her also struggling to keep herself upright. Alive. Apparently she’d shared the burden with him. With a shaking hand he reached out to her, begged for verification- her skin was clammy but blazing hot as he made contact, fingers brushing at her temple and then down, holding her face in his hand as they stared at each other.

There was a strange glow in her eyes. Not the usual one-

He almost found his body again. But a hitch of a sob broke from her throat. A drop of blood trickled from her nose. Her pupils were wildly dilated. She looked crazed and unsure of herself. Unsure of anything. That made two of them.

“I’m gonna pass out-” 

Down she went not a single second after saying so, and he impressed himself, having enough strength to catch her before she cracked her head open on the corner of the table. Moving down into a kneel, he held her close, still panting. Sweat leaking from his forehead. 

“Cap I need-” He was aware how terrible he sounded, and he pulled every last energy resource he owned to even out. “Cap, JARVIS will guide you. I need you on my location. As soon as possible.” 

“Copy that. I’m headed your way.” 

Tony was glad he didn’t ask why. And when he looked at her again, that vision of her cut in between each blink of his eyes. 

You promised… 

He was still struggling to breathe. 

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 132

Tony was literally elbow deep in work. Converting panels on the walls into mechanized processors took a lot of patience, but it was good, clean work that kept his mind preoccupied. He’d been working on turning the upstairs ports into a machining hub for a while. Better to do it now than to have to rely on the same type of handiwork to repair every suit in the Iron Legion when it got damaged. However, it was the worst time to get the kind of call that he did. The lights flooded out of the room, replaced with darkness tipped in constant red flashes. Bruce made some sort of agitated yet nervous noise, hands raised. Tony tipped his head back, pulling his arms from the wall, and lifting his head. “JARVIS-”

“Red alert on penthouse level.” His blood went ice cold. Already he was pulling back, on his feet, and running. But that feeling of fear was nothing compared to what hit him when JARVIS spoke next. “Steve Rogers is attacking Ms. INY. The private elevator has been immobilized. I’ve called a suit for you.” 

The next noise out of Bruce was one of complete bafflement. “Steve is? Tony- what-” 

“Get the team upstairs. Now.” 

Already suited up, already taking off in a leap from the lab deck. Bolting up straight into the air and curving up and around to the windows that looked into the penthouse living room. There his HUD zoomed in on a sight that sent him into immediate rage. Steve atop her. Her clawing at his wrists. Struggling not to die as he choked the life out of her. 

There really wasn’t much thought floating inside of his brain after that. He shot through one of the plate windows and dropped down inside. Just as Steve seemed to be stopping- and she wheezed- Tony held both of his hands up and aimed a charged repulsor blast into Steve’s back, sending him flying. He was there in the next second, on his knees next to her. 

He put his hand at her back, helping her lean sideways as she coughed and wheezed- painfully tried to draw any breath in that she could. Though it seemed like the immediate threat had waned, he felt just slightly better hearing the rest of their team busting up through the stairwell entrance. Yet his attention was stolen by the chirp of her phone ringing. 

Uselessly she seemed to be trying to reach for it. “Don’t-” A sharp twist of a cry. 

One that slid the pieces into place. The person really responsible for this was on the other end, no doubt about it. So he had to ignore her pleas, which broke his heart. This had to stop. Now. Picking the phone up, “JARVIS run a trace.”

She fought through sobs. “Please don’t…” 

He then slid the call onto speaker. “You have five seconds.” Hoping to bait their villain of the month into giving him some monologue. 

Everyone in the room stilled. The silence was unbearable. But not more so than the sound of that laughter. And then, that voice he had long since committed to memory on that one night he’d heard it, “Don’t worry puppy. We’ll be together again soon. I’ve got many more surprises for you.” 

The screen flashed as the call disconnected, and JARVIS stated the obvious. “Trace incomplete sir.” 

He had no time to let guilt and disappointment soak him through. She was moving, onto her hands and knees. He put one hand on her shoulder to try and steady her. Her crying grew harsher, deep and heavy. Agonizing sobbing. And he struggled to keep himself together. But when she directed her line of sight across the room, Tony did too. Looking over at Steve. 

Steve looking at her. 

Damn it all. She’d known. She was right. Even when she doubted herself. She was always right. 

The air in the room was stifling, even for him. The team was falling to pieces, all turned away. Maybe some of them didn’t want to witness such a low moment, but really it was probably more that they were biting back tears they wanted nothing to do with. In order to clean up… he had to get her away from them. A problem that had been growing. Quietly. One he’d been working on. Even quieter. 

She just seemed unable to move. Which made this messier. Bent forward on her hands and knees, face pressed into the carpet, breathing with a wheeze that sounded terribly painful while she still choked through sobs. It was killing him. He could sense a spiral was imminent. But he had to hang on. He had to get to work. He had to fix this for her. Because nobody else was moving. 

It felt absolutely awful to just leave her there on the floor, but he had to. Standing up, he went to the group huddled closer to the elevator. “Everyone down in conference room one. Now. We obviously need a few minutes, but I’ll bring a briefing to you.” 

Steve couldn’t even look at him. Which was a shame. There was such a dark fire burning inside of Tony at that moment. Facing him head on might have soothed it. If only a little. “Briefing on what? That I nearly just-” 

“Get a grip.” As hard as he could make the words leave him. Steve’s black-or-white, mile high guilt complex over doing the wrong thing could not be tolerated right now. “Yeah. You nearly just murdered her. So what you’re gonna do now is sit your ass down in the conference room and start telling JARVIS everywhere you’ve been for the last week so that we can start figuring this out.” When Steve finally found that soldier’s courage to meet his eyes, Tony’s narrowed. “Understood?” 

Tony found himself extremely lucky when Steve nodded. “Understood.” Because he didn’t have time to clean up two messes right now. And if he did… well. His priorities were elsewhere. 

He didn’t wait for the shuffle of feet back towards the stairwell to go to her again. She was sitting up on her knees at that point, though still not really there. Stepping out of the suit, finally, he took a knee next to her, putting a hand gently on her back. Her pain was cutting him in swift slices, and he had to take a steadying breath to keep himself together. “Take it easy, honey. If you’re not okay to walk, I’ll carry you.” Tone dropping low and careful. 

She tried to say something but it escaped in a choked gurgle that led into a coughing fit. Her hands raised, blood spattering against her cupped fists. Worse yet- I’m sorry... Tony wasn’t prepared enough for this shiver of words that he felt so deep inside him. Echoing beyond his ears. Wrapped around his brain. Hand inside his heart. He wasn’t used to hearing her like that- like this. Words like that had usually been reserved for… quieter moments. Intimate and careful. Now she was in agony. And he was five steps away of falling into that hole with her. 

“Don’t be sorry. It’s alright.” He willed himself strong for her. Calm. Not knowing if it ever helped, especially in moments like this, but he hoped so. “Let’s just start with- just… take a slow breath…” 

It didn’t matter how long it took, how long the team was waiting for him downstairs. She was far more important. And it did take a decent chunk of time to back her off that edge. To cool her down. Clean her up. Get her into bed. He thought maybe he’d gotten lucky, and she was just so gone she might slip asleep, but as he moved to leave her side at the bed her hand shot out to grab his wrist. 

He remembered this. He remembered exactly this. 

“Don’t- don’t go- don’t leave-” 

She was begging, not for him to stay in that room, maybe, but for him not to leave the Tower. Because the Tower was safe. And outside was no longer safe. Simple concepts. A madman was lurking around outside. Had grabbed Steve from somewhere. And had promised to do even more than that. She’d begged Fury to leave them alone, to not send anyone out that night, too. For a reason just like this. 

He sat back down, hand moving over her forehead and then smoothing down, holding her face in his palm. “I’m not going. We’re alright. We’re okay.” She eased, eyes slipping closed. “I’ll talk with the team. We’ll make a plan.” Speaking slowly. Softly. Talking her back down for a second time. “I’ll get the penthouse cleaned up. Work on the elevator…” Easy things to think about. To hold on to. And as he listed off his new workload, she drifted off. Further and further until finally she was gone. 

Even then… even then he had trouble leaving her. He stayed maybe longer than he should have. Just watching her. Hand raising over his eyes as a breath hitched in his chest after another moment. Allowing himself just this small bit of time to exert some weakness. Where no one else could see it. 

                                                    --- 

He took five more minutes to clean himself up after that, splashing cold water on his face. Taking a long look in the mirror. Then after drying off he headed towards the stairwell. Steeled himself. And pushed on. “JARVIS we making any progress with Rogers?” 

“Not much, sir.” The answer came echoing. And… almost a little annoyed sounding. As much as JARVIS usually could, anyway. 

“Start a playback of as much Tower surveillance at ground level as you can. Anyone that’s not Stark ID’ed lurking around I wanna know about.” This guy picked Steve up somewhere. And if he wasn’t going to be of help in figuring out where that was, Tony would have to figure something else out.

As always. 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Pull the data on Jones and… the incident before this, too. Put it all up on the screens. I’ll be down in a minute.” 

“Everything is waiting for you.” 

That was slightly unexpected, but if JARVIS was one step ahead of him, it just cut out some of the useless work. Always nice. “You’re my rock, JARVIS.” 

“What would you ever do without me?” 

Just as he put his hand on the exit door to the floor with the conference rooms, he hesitated. “...keep an eye on her for me, JARVIS.” So quiet that it should have been impossible for any other AI to pick up a voice command. 

But JARIVS, of course, was no ordinary AI. “Always, sir.” 

He keyed himself into the conference room and then on the opposite side panel blacked the windows out. It wasn’t like there was a lot of staff wandering around on this floor, but this was sincerely a team-members-only meeting. Romanoff, Barton, and Thor were standing in the front by the two holo-screens displaying all of the detailed information that JARVIS had started pulling. 

Steve and Bruce were sitting at the end of the table. Bruce had his laptop, working on something. Good man. Steve was… just sitting there. Arms crossed. Thousand yard stare. Tony started with a wave of his hand and an exuding of confidence he didn’t actually quite own in this moment. “So. May 2013…” Taking a deep breath. Going through the cursory information. Not that he needed to. From the way everyone’s eyes averted they all remembered. 

She was taken. For three months. Disappeared without a trace. No sign. Snap of someone's fingers and she was just gone. And then those three months later she called for backup (kind of) and ran. He’d taken to pacing around the table as he spoke. “Fury wanted to send her and everyone else for surveillance. She made the call that that wasn’t appropriate. She’s seen what he can do. Apparently all it takes for this guy to pick anyone up off the street is saying a couple of words.” His eyes strayed to Steve, just to catch the reaction. The dip of his head and the darkening of his eyes wasn’t quite enough. 

Tony continued, “January 2014. An enhanced individual by the name of Jessica Jones politely informs us that the man’s name is Kilgrave. And that he’s supposedly dead.” 

Natasha looked up. She’d sat down some time ago. “Enhanced how?” 

“Super strength. Took a punch from one of the suits with almost no problem. While she was incredibly intoxicated, no less.” 

Barton scoffed. “I thought you said this was a polite encounter?” 

“No one got hurt. That’s as polite as it gets in this world.” Especially with a matter like that. 

Bruce took his glasses off, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “But. Clearly this guy’s not dead.” 

Tony resisted the urge to cluck his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “Clearly. Which brings me to March of this year. Jessica Jones makes another unannounced appearance to tell us her intel was a little wrong.” Moving to one of the screen windows he swiped through until a picture of Hope came on the screen. “This girl, Hope Shlottman, murdered her parents under direction of Kilgrave. Jones’ involvement is messy, but she brings a guilt-ridden vendetta to our door.”

To his surprise, Steve was not the first one to object in the usual manner. Instead it was Thor. “And when were you planning on telling us this, Stark? Does this man have a weapon with the means of mind control? Like the scepter?” 

This time Tony couldn’t help the roll of his eyes, glad he had his back turned. “No toys. His usual song and dance seems to just be creeping out of the shadows and saying something into your ear- speaking of. Rogers?” Half turning with an arch of his brow. “Remember anything?” At Steve’s continued silence, Tony pressed. “You’re our next point on the map. So if you’ve got any ideas for the class, now’s the time to raise your hand.” 

Finally Steve broke, head tipping up sharply. “You know- you seem pretty calm for what just went on. Are you even taking this seriously?” 

White hot anger flashed intensely inside of him. How dare he. Turning around and leaning in, Tony’s hands went down on the table a little harder than he meant to. Staring Steve down. “If I were any less calm you’d be in the holding cell in the basement.” Or… worse. “I’d count my blessings, if I were you.” There were a few seconds there where his brain had lit up a path of destruction. If it were her or Steve? ...yeah. It’d be her. And he’d live with that blood on his hands for the rest of his life. 

This broke Steve from whatever self righteous horse he was trying to ride in self defense. “Maybe I should be.” But this was not any better. 

Natasha was the voice of reason. “Your guilt over this is not going to help anyone. It’s terrible- to be sure- what happened. But-” 

As usual, Barton had the layup for her. “He took you for a ride for one day. He had her for three months. Can you even imagine what he might have made her do?” 

Suddenly all eyes were cast up on Tony. Waiting. Waiting for answers. Wanting to know. What terrible things had she done under Kilgrave’s thumb? As if it were any of their business. He couldn’t help crossing his arms and half turning back to the board. “You had two years to ask her. Don’t look at me.” 

Thor stepped into his peripheral. “Barton has a point. Lady is clearly not well. Is this a remnant of his hold over her? Should we consider her dangerous as well?” 

Bruce, thankfully, spoke up. Thankfully because Tony’s tight control was loosening. He’d brought them here to figure out a solution to this and now they were laying into her? Dangerous, considering how wound with anger he still was. “Thor… she was tortured for three months. I don’t think it’s a power thing. I think it’s a…” 

Natasha’s voice was very quiet. “A human thing.” 

A heavy silence hung over the room for far too long. Tony still had to steady himself, not quite ready when Steve finally spoke up again. “I was on a run in the park this morning.” Everyone’s attention redirected, Tony turning almost a little too quickly to zero in on him. “I stopped at one of those carts to get some water. Someone with a newspaper called out to me. When I turned he said…” Struggling as he tried to get it all back- or maybe struggling with the weight of everything that had just happened in this short window. “He said- follow me. And I just… did.” 

The setup was obvious. Tony shook his head. “He stole you out of Central Park to go to a quieter location. Loaded you up with commands, and sent you on your merry way. JARVIS, retrieve all the footage from all security cams in the park from this morning.” They had to get an ID on this guy. 

Thor’s sense brought him to the same line of thought. “We still do not know what this man looks like?” Frustrated. He’d have to get in line. 

Tony turned back to the board. “The night she was taken he erased all footage. Seems easy, right? When you can walk into any place you like and just demand people do whatever you want?” That was what made him so dangerous. He could get away with anything. Anywhere. 

Natasha chanced a smile. “Out of everyone in this room, I think you’re the closest to knowing what that’s like.” 

JARVIS interrupted. “I’m retrieving the footage now, sir, but I have some other pertinent information for you about the Tower security footage.” When Tony pointed a finger towards the front board to direct the data there, still frames of a man lurking around on the other side of the sidewalk opposite the building with a phone in hand- just about one out of every three days and always pointed at her whenever she left. He looked pretty strung out. Clothes worn and dirty. Face and hair a mess. Easy to miss. Just someone else that faded into the background noise of this city. “This is Malclom Ducasse.” 

Trying to be the voice of reason, Bruce asked, “We’re sure this guy’s not just paparazzi?” Clearly not wanting to go after some random citizen if they weren’t implicated in this. 

JARVIS sent the room cold, “His current address is the same building as one Alias Investigations.” Flashing the information on screen.

A bitter puff of air left Tony. “Jones. How about that.” Nodding to himself he started walking to the door, though he shifted to give a point to Natasha. “Romanoff, you’re with me. Let’s show the detectives how it’s done.” He was sick of this. He was going to drag Jessica Jones in here and make her talk. No matter if she liked it or not. 

It was time for this to be over. If she was working with Kilgrave, Tony would find out. And if that was the case…? 

He’d ask for the opinion of one of the only women in this world that mattered to him. What to do. Or, better put- what she would like him to do. Because at this point… at this point… Tony would live with whatever guilt she asked him to, to put an end to her suffering. Without question. Without hesitation. 

His heart was burning with pain still. And at the door as Natasha got up, he and Steve shared one last look. 

He’d gotten so incredibly lucky she’d been able to break him out of it. And Tony knew, as Steve was looking at him now… 

Steve understood that, too. 

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 122

It was your sure surprise the very next morning, when WHiH ran an exclusive story about Fisk and his vision for Hell’s Kitchen. You would have thought he’d want nothing to do with them, but then again… he’d probably just been trying to bait you. There were still so many questions you had about this entire ordeal, but… Tony had said not to overreact. And that he’d look into it. So that meant he would, and you shouldn’t worry about it. 

Which was ideal. Because you had almost too many things to do, having double-booked yourself for lunch- twice, uptown, downtown, then uptown and downtown, and then midtown later for an interview. And before all that you had a few morning meetings to get to in similarly too many places. It didn’t leave a lot of time for you to say good morning or even goodbye to Tony as you rushed out. 

He was awake, of course. Working. But not in the lab. Distracted by this freshly new dangerous thing the two of you had seemingly gotten wrapped up in. You were only able to impart a meager kiss, one that was easy to tell he tried to drag out. But you simply couldn’t, a sorrow that you passed to him and promised to make it up later. 

Then you were off. 

A weird feeling followed you around most of the day. Though you were in and out of your car between each point of contact, it felt like- ...well. It wasn’t unusual for people to be watching you. Looking at you. Most likely paparazzi. Tourists recognizing who had just walked by their line of sight. Fans. That sort of thing. That had mostly become background noise in your daily life. 

But this was something different. You chalked it up to an overactive imagination and the lingerings of adrenaline after coming face to face with one of the darker shadows of New York City. But- ...but… 

The more you focused in, as you walked from the car- pointedly a few times to grab more coffee than you could handle at whatever cafe was nearby- no. Someone was definitely following you. And the more you tried to talk yourself out of it, the more time you lost to do anything about it. 

Quadruple lunch meetings had come and gone. A sturdier chill had set in as the sun had gone down. It was dark- and you were heading into the CNN building for a live interview- and someone was waiting outside. All of this you had to shove deep down because you couldn’t appear antsy on television, even if the CNN anchors were more friend than foe. You tried to forget about it for the next two hours as you prepped and then went on. But it was there. Lingering in the back of your mind. 

You thought to call Tony, as soon as you gave everyone a handshake and exited to the green room. Tony would come and get you. Tony would keep you safe. But if you were overreacting? What then? You’d be wasting his time… but if not? What then? What if Fisk had hired someone to follow you? 

What if Fisk was setting up some grand plan. Moving chess pieces. Clearly  Tony had covered for you at the gala last night. And anyone with eyes knew Tony would practically do anything for you. A thread a few had followed in the past. Liability that you sometimes were. But what if it was more than that? 

What if Fisk could orchestrate a murder? Tony was too smart for that, you reasoned. He’d see through something like that. Fisk couldn’t manipulate Tony that way. Use his anger as an outlet for whatever pretend greater-good he thought he was doing. Yet… it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility, was it? 

And someone had been following you around- 

“LUNA, call Tony-” 

You had been waiting outside the building, pondering this all, and watched these words solidify in the air when someone grabbed your arm and a noise just short of a shriek escaped you-

A noise that startled Tony on the other end of the line. He shouted something unintelligible- your mind was racing too hard to hear him as you whirled on your heel, arm up to strike- 

“Hey!” Steve backed off immediately. “I’m sorry-! I didn’t-” 

“Steve what the fuck!” Your heart was racing a million miles a second. 

He put both his hands up. “I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to frighten you-” 

In your ear, Tony’s voice furthered your embarrassment. “You wanna tell me what’s going on?” 

Trying to steady yourself, you shook your head at no one in particular. “Sorry, Tony.” Making it clear, as you held your hand up to press a few fingers at your earpiece. “I thought I was being followed. Turns out it was just Steve.” 

“I wasn’t following you.” Frowning heavily now. 

“Do I need to come down there?” “No, I’m fine. Sorry to bother you.” 

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll leave you to it.” The line silenced out. 

Steve crossed his arms. “You alright? I know you weren’t expecting me but you-” 

“What the hell are you doing outside of CNN at eight PM? And why are you grabbing me?” Why was he here? 

He looked at you in frustrated disbelief. “I didn’t grab you- I touched your arm- I called your name but you didn’t seem to hear me. I startled you- I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to. Is everything alright?” 

So. He’d been watching you from… somewhere, for some reason- seeing you stand on the sidewalk in front of a building, probably staring off into space. He’d called out to you- you’d ignored him. Or been so in your own head that you just hadn’t heard him. Which would probably indicate something was off. 

You tried to get your agitations to dissipate. There was no value being upset with him. He really hadn’t done anything wrong. ...except… “It’s alright- I’m sorry. Just- what are you doing here?” Had he been following you around all day? Was that what you’d been feeling? ...god you hoped not. 

He struck a keenly defensive pose. “What- I can’t have business in the city, too?” And when you made a face at him, lips quirked in a pout and brows raised, he dropped his shoulders with a sigh. “Alright. I was just coming out of a dinner date.” 

“Oh?” Interest piqued immediately. 

“Don’t. It didn’t go well.” The tiny burst of blue from him seemed to suggest this was all true. Not that you thought Steve would lie to you. 

“Oh.” Now you felt extra bad. Steve had had a rough night and had been trying to talk to you and you’d basically screamed at and attacked him- and almost called Tony on him. What a mess. You gave him a little nudge. “Well. If you believe in fate…” 

“I’m not sure I do.” Though he perked up with a small smile. 

You shrugged. “Me either. But. How about some dessert? You can tell me all about her.” It would be terribly nice to have some normal after this entire shitfest. 

He seemed to warm almost immediately. “I’d like that.” 

A dessert date to cap off your night. Not the worst thing in the world. 

                                                  --- 

You took Steve to a not-so-secret place, which may have been a major folly, but it was close to the Tower. So less of a walk home. Which was what you wanted. While you were over the idea that Steve had been following you around (happy coincidences could happen sometimes, right?), you still had that lingering feeling that someone had been keeping their eyes on you all day. 

Calling ahead eased at least some of the attention as you took a private booth in the back. Aside ordering and refreshing drinks, the two of you were left mostly alone while he bumbled through trying to explain that dinner date hadn’t really been a date. 

Sharon Carter was the woman he’d been seeing this evening- a name that rang familiar instantly. “-she was one of the very first people who came to see you. After that mess at the Triskelion.” You hadn’t looked much into her after that, figuring she must have just been someone Steve had gotten friendly with during his time in DC. 

“Oh, yeah?” Clearly not having known that. He probably hadn’t been conscious during her time there. “Makes sense. She was put right next to my apartment by Fury. Keeping an eye on me.” 

“How like him.” Trying not to ruin the evening, but unable to help your massively dry tone. “Even knowing that- you’re okay with her?” Sounded like… even though the woman was just doing her job, she’d still been spying. 

He gave an uneasy shrug, sticking his fork deep into a piece of three-layer cake. “She was just following orders. Besides. Didn’t you just tell me after the job was done she came to check on me?” 

You couldn’t help a light smile. “I guess I did. ...so what went wrong?” 

“I’m not sure.” Said on a sigh. “She’s working for the CIA now.” 

“How nice.” 

“-said she was in town. Asked if I had time to meet up. But, when we sat down it was…” He struggled a little. Stewing lightly. 

“...awkward?” 

Looking up from his thoughts, he caught your gaze and then nodded. “I guess you could say that. I might’ve said uncomfortable, but… I don’t know who I’m being unfair to by saying it.” A small pause that finally led to, “I guess I don’t really know how to talk to girls.” 

“Maybe you two just need some more time together.” Trying to look on the bright side of things. He wouldn’t have said yes to a dinner if he didn’t like her in some capacity. And Steve deserved someone nice. 

“I think you’re being a little too optimistic.” Showing a shade of shyness, as his eyes dropped with a shake of his head, grinning. Although in a self-deprecating way. 

You tipped your head to the side, eyebrow arched. “What do you mean by that?” 

“I’m not uh…” Sitting in a small heap in his seat, like someone had cut his tensed muscles slack. At ease with being genuine with you, even if it wasn’t working out in his own favor. “It’s probably just me. I’m not- uh…” When you continued to stare at him, waiting for him to find whatever the hell he was trying to say, his grin turned a little bashful as he crossed his arms. “I’m no Tony Stark. Let’s put it that way.” 

The laugh that ejected out of you surprised the both of you, and you had to raise your hand to cover your mouth. “I’m sorry- I’m not- I’m not laughing at you-” 

He was grinning a little more fully then as he set his arms on the table, leaning forward to give you a look of implication. “Sure you’re not.” 

“Really! Really I’m not.” Trying to get your giggles under control. Reaching over you laid your hand atop his, giving him a little pat-pat. “No one’s asking you to be Tony Stark, Steve. Some girls- a lot of women in fact- don’t like the whole suave playboy thing. I didn’t.” 

“Uh huh.” Sassing you just a little. 

“I didn’t!” Trying to defend yourself. “Stop looking at me like that!” Giving his hand a little swat then. “I didn’t-” 

“You know, there’s a saying about protesting too much-” 

“Oh shut up.” Not meaning it in the slightest. The look you two shared was an easy warm one, all smiles. “It was gross. We didn’t start dating until he grew out of that. Check my timeline, if you have to.” 

He waved his hand at you. “I trust you.” 

“Yeah. Well. Anyway. A lot of women don’t like that.” 

“And what do women like? I’m pretty sure I have no idea.” Open again as he looked to you for some sort of catch-all answer. 

“Depends on the woman.” There just was no straight answer. No god-send that he was looking for. But when he implored you with those soft blue eyes of his, you couldn’t help but try. “I dunno. We like… someone genuine. And kind. Trustworthy… loyal… funny- you know- all things you’ve got in spades.” Trying just to give him a little boost. He seemed so down about his bad not-a-date. 

“Right. ...you think I’m funny?” 

“If I’d been drinking a minute ago, it would have come out of my nose.” It was nice, the soft laughter the two of you shared. You gave his hand another comforting pat before retreating so you could pick at your own slice of pie. “And you’re just fine, you know. Talking to women. You talk to me just fine.” 

Hesitancy circled around him. “You’re different. I’ve known you a lot longer. Some things are just… easier.” 

“Well I said maybe you two need more time together. You just need to get a little more comfortable, that’s all.” Hoping that was the case. It would suck to be wrong- more for Steve than for you. 

“I don’t know.” Another sigh. “Maybe. Or maybe it’s just not meant to be.” Another ripple of sorrow touched over him. 

“Her? Or at all?” Already knowing exactly what he was getting at. 

His eyes dropped. “Maybe I already missed my opportunity.” 

There was a name here. Neither of you needed to speak it. Because you just couldn’t help yourself, you reached over again, settling both your hands over his then. You waited until he looked up at you. “I’m not Dr. Linnet, but, there’s definitely a lot of trauma and grief that you need to go through, before you feel comfortable. But- you went to see Sharon- you wanted to see her tonight. Even if it didn’t go right, that’s already more than enough to know that you want a chance to… not even start over. But. Just continue. You deserve to live too, you know? You deserve a life.” 

It was the easiest thing in the world to be gentle with him. Steve was tough, but he was also an incredibly soft soul. You’d figured that out a while ago. He had a lot he needed to process. You hoped he was going to therapy. His life had not been a fair or easy one. And he was clearly still holding on to a lot. But he shouldn’t be denied anything, because of what he’d had to leave behind. 

His eyes held steady on your hands over his, and then lifted, holding your gaze in silence for a little too long. But you let him, under the pretense that he was trying to think about all this. And when apparently he came to a conclusion, he drew a deep breath in and then let it out, his hand turning palm up to grasp yours lightly. A smile wasn’t too far behind. “Thanks. For all that. And… maybe you’re right.” 

“I am right.” Wedging just a little bit of levity in to ease the air. 

When he huffed out a laugh you supposed it worked. “Yeah. Maybe.” 

“You say maybe again and I’m gonna start charging.” Teasing him a little. 

He grinned again, in a lighter way, still staring at you. His mouth opened- the drop of your name quiet- almost a little hesitant- 

But it was so quiet that it got lost as the waitress approached, calling you at the same time. The both of you looked up. She was terribly uneasy and nervous- “Ma’am, I’m sorry… I’m not sure which of our patrons- I just wanted to let you know there’s a lot of people with cameras parked on the sidewalk outside.” 

Annoyance took a dark hold of you. “Fucking paparazzi.” Mood ruined. Couldn’t you ever have anything nice? Couldn’t you just be a normal fucking person? Go out with your friends without security? “Alright- just- can we have the check- and we’re going to need to leave around back.” 

She nodded helplessly. Not like she could say no. “Of course. Again- I’m sorry.” 

You waved her off. “It’s not your fault. It’s okay. Don’t panic. Everything will be alright. I really appreciate you letting me know.” At least you hadn’t walked right into a trap. It was easy to figure out exactly what had leaked to them. You and Steve had gone out for dessert at a classy restaurant all alone and had been laughing and smiling at each other all night. 

Because nobody understood what close friendships looked like these days. 

As she left Steve sat a little more straight in his seat. “What should we do?” 

“I’m gonna call Tony to come pick us up. Happy’s already out for the night.” Knowing your pick up at CNN was the last thing on his to-do list before he was off. He’d come get you, of course, if you asked. Without a word. But he deserved time to himself, too. “We’ll go out through the back and wait. No big deal.” Trying your very best to make it seem like that was the case. But… 

“Isn’t it?” 

“It’s not-”

“You seem pretty angry.” 

This stopped you immediately and you couldn’t help but feel awful. Your frown was immediate. “I’m sorry. It just- it sucks, you know? I’m so fucking tired of having to call security to watch my perimeters. I’m tired of having to worry about what story is gonna come out in the gossip mags the next morning. Not being able to go anywhere I want- having to ignore people taking sneak pictures of me- I just… I want a life too, you know?” Grinning then, although in a terribly frustrated way. 

He returned it. “Yeah. Yeah, I get it.” 

You hoped your smile got across your gratitude for his understanding. Deciding to try and look like a normal person, you went for your cell phone in your bag instead of quick calling him with your earcuffs. The waitress came back and laid the bill on the table- but Steve batted at your hand and then grabbed it up with a look of don’t try me- so you didn’t, instead rolling your eyes fondly and calling Tony instead. 

He picked up on the second ring. “I’m very popular tonight, it seems.” 

“Yeah, me too. Steve and I got caught at a dessert place. Apparently cars are parked everywhere on the sidewalk. If I send you the location can you please come pick us up around back?” Asking, not demanding.

“For you? Anything- well- for you and a slice of cherry pie.” 

“I’ll pick one up before we go.” 

“Thank you, honey. I’ll be there in ten. I love you.” “I love you, too. Thank you.” Knowing he’d already tapped your location, you put your phone away and quickly raised a hand to the waitress before she scurried off with Steve’s cash. “Can we actually get a piece of cherry to go?” 

                                                 ---

Steve was a little too tight by your side, in a protective mood it seemed, as the manager escorted you through the kitchen, out into a private hall, and then through the back of the building to the backside. She asked if you wanted her to stay, but you told her you’d both be fine to wait outside, so she excused herself, apologized for the trouble, and then closed the door- you also heard her lock it behind herself. But. You supposed that was fair. 

A chill crept up your spine. It was still pretty cold outside this early in February. “Tony said he’d be here soon.” 

“I don’t doubt it.” Steve crossed his arms, looking left and then right. 

That weird feeling came back very suddenly, and had you stepping closer towards him. Steve hadn’t been following you around- someone far more opportunistic did. Seeing as it only took you a single minute to leave the building for them to drop down from a fire exit ladder on the opposite building. Despite yourself- despite knowing you could handle this- despite knowing better- for some reason you defaulted. 

Maybe it was just because this man- this man in black- had absolutely been fucking following you around all day. You knew it then. This crushing feeling of anxiety eating you up as you tucked yourself closer to Steve, grabbing at his arm as the man stood. He really was going all in on the masked marauder look. Black pants. Black shirt. Black gloves with wraps- but strangely he was hiding his eyes. Quite literally. Bandana tucked over his head and blindfold tied tight around his eyes. 

Steve’s fight-or-flight kicked immediately, and he half stepped in front of you, one arm out. “Hey- I don’t know what you think you’re doing pal, but-” 

“I’m not here for you. I just want to speak to her.” Voice unfamiliar. 

You felt Steve’s protest bubbling up but you stopped it with a firm voice, “You’ve been following me around all day.” An air of uncertainty suddenly swirled around this masked man. Maybe he thought you were stupid. “That’s right. You think I didn’t notice you?” Trying even harder. He hadn’t followed you around in daylight looking like this. If you could convince him you knew who he was-

“I don’t have a lot of time.” Side-stepping the issue. “I’m here to tell you to stop what you’re doing with Fisk.” 

“I’m not doing anything with Fisk.” 

“You were at his charity event.” Stepping just a little closer.

Both you and Steve held your ground as you spoke again. “I go to a lot of charity events. So what?” No need to overtly defend yourself. To say you didn’t know he’d been the one hosting it. You owed this man nothing. “If you were smart-” If he was smart, he’d know you and Tony would never get involved with Fisk. 

“Either way. Stay out of it.” 

You bristled. “You think I don’t know what he’s up to? What he is?” Or probably more accurately, what he did to people.  “Or do you think I’m just a helpless moron hoping he’s not?”

The man shook his head, light smirk on the corner of his mouth. “I’m not asking you to rely on some forsaken sense of mercy he does not possess. This is personal. And I don’t need your intervention.” 

“Who the hell do you think you are? You follow me around all day just to blow up my dinner, corner me in an alley, and demand I stay out of your way? You have no idea who you’re dealing with.” You would not be pushed around. It was obvious, now, that he was behind this. He’d gotten lucky with Steve. But fortune favored the bold.

And he certainly was a bold one. 

“Neither do you.” 

Tony’s voice called from the sidewalk, “Hey, Dread Pirate Roberts. I’d back off, if I were you.” Both you and Steve turned to look- the man in the mask did not. Tony was posing, car door open, half leaning on it. “Situation’s not looking like it’s gonna go your way.” 

The man suddenly wore a very bitter grin. “Good. You’re here. Easier to get this across once. Fisk intends to rain fire on Hell’s Kitchen. And I don’t need help. So I’m telling you-” 

Hands in his pockets, Tony sauntered a little closer. Seemingly terribly unbothered. “Would help if I were in more of a listening mood, but. I’ve yet to have my dessert, so. You’ll have to try again later.” 

“Do you people do nothing but stand around and quip?” He was getting agitated. 

“Fisk knows what you’re up to.” You said suddenly. “I’m pretty sure you’re a huge thorn in his side right now.” 

“Good. And I should be the only one.” 

Finally stopping in front of you and Steve (and you felt the heaviness of Steve’s confusion mixed with frustration about being left out on this one), Tony directed a tip of his head the man’s way. “So what’re you doing here, then? Menacing a woman and an army vet in an alley? For shame.” From his pocket he pulled a USB stick and held it up. “First one’s free.” 

The man didn’t even look at it. ...had he moved his head even once since he’d dropped in front of you? “I don’t need your help, Stark.” 

Tony grinned. “Of course not. That’s what they all say. But better safe than sorry- especially if you’re getting involved with Fisk. If he doesn’t go the murder route- which he probably will- he might try and bring the law into it. Vigilantism is illegal, for the most part. Something I’m sure you understand. And I'm sure he'd love to make an example out of you. If you get into trouble- and you will- I might be in a good mood. Stark Industries is pretty in the know for great lawyers these days.” Staring him down- ...if he could even see through that mask. Tony waited, letting the moment hang before waggling the stick. “Understood?” 

The fire that the man in black had dropped in with had been completely extinguished so suddenly. Killed so easily by something Tony had said. A certain fear gripped him. Icy and painful. Reaching up he took hold of the USB. “Understood.” Resentment and bitterness bubbled out of him as he turned and jumped up to catch the ladders he’d come down on, climbing and then twisting his way up higher and higher until he was out of sight on the rooftop. 

Just when you felt like you were catching your breath, Steve settled his hands on his hips. “Anyone gonna tell me what that was about?” 

Tony shrugged. “Superhero world’s getting bigger all the time.” 

Steve made a face at him. “Who is Fisk? And who was that?” 

You put a gentle hand on his arm. “Let’s get back to the Tower. I think we’ve done enough talking about this out in the open.” 

His ire backed off as he looked at you. “Yeah. Alright. ...this the word I was waiting to hear back on? Because it’s a little late.” Ribbing you. But… taking it a little personally, too. 

Tony sighed. “Better late than never.” 

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 102

“We’re on lock down, until further notice.” Even though it made sense that Pierce, after dusting himself off, would put a STRIKE team in your building, it didn’t make the information any easier to swallow. “Gotta tell you, not playing the part of a turncoat that well.” As you would have suspected from Tony- if not your whole team. While he could keep them at bay and sass them well into next week, that was about all he could do. If they were watching him, he couldn’t get a lot of work done. Which was a problem. 

So you were left with coordinates to an old abandoned military base where Steve and Nat seemed to be headed. And then Tony left you on understandable radio silence for a little while. Better for the both of you that way, even though it wasn’t desirable. 

Halfway out there, the name clicked for you. Camp Lehigh. Steve’s home away from home once upon a time. Where he’d been brought up, when the army had finally taken him in. The two of you hadn’t talked about it much, and that was fine. More knowledge from reading his files. But what would he be doing there? Looking for something, no doubt. Trying to make the pieces fit was maddening. It would be a lot easier once you were just able to talk to him. 

But however Tony had found him, someone else pinged in on his location. LUNA startled you just as you were a few miles out. “Ma’am there���s a short range ballistic missile zeroing in on their location!” “What?” Your mind started a quick scramble. “How long until impact?!” 

“One minute!” 

“How long is it going to take us to get there?” 

“Longer than that!” 

“They’d better hope not!” Enough of a signal to push more power into your thrusters. “Who ordered that!?” As if you even had to ask. 

“SHIELD.” 

On your screen you saw the track- and raced against the clock to beat it- not even end it if that was the case- you weren’t exactly sure your suit could take a missile blast right now, but you were far more sure human bodies couldn’t. Warning went off too soon and you felt sweat drench your brow, found it hard to breathe. “LUNA-”

“Impact in ten seconds!” 

The countdown started. Your heart was racing so hard it hurt. And all for nothing. As: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1-

You fell out of the sky just in time to get to see the impact for yourself. Ramming right into a warehouse just off the side of the camp, setting off a huge explosion. Coming into a drop to your knees and then a roll over on your hands, feeling the life sort of just leave you. For a few seconds. Panting, like you’d just run all the way here from New York. It was all rubble. Gone. In seconds. 

“LUNA- signatures- I need- give me- anything-” Words escaping in a few gulped bubbles as you shakily pushed yourself to stand. Even as she scanned, you forced yourself to move, to start digging. Clawing. Using the suit to toss aside heavy pieces of metal and rock. One hand up you pressed at the side of your helmet to release it, switching back to goggles. “STEVE!” 

“We’ve got two live heat signatures ground level-” Not hearing the rest of her estimates as you jumped aside and down lower into the hidden underground bunker beneath. As soon as you were on your feet again, your hands dug into the wreckage, following the glowing outlines laid out for you on your glasses. “NAT!” Pulling aside heavy piece after piece until you finally had to actually throw your muscle into lifting up a large stone slab, casting it aside with a heavy, pained exhale. Rewarded, briefly, by the sight of Steve’s shield, raised. You laid a careful hand on it, and then curved your fingers around the top, easing back gently. Seeing the sight of the man still holding it, not exactly fully conscious. “Hey- Steve-” Curled in an even tighter ball underneath him was Natasha, who was completely out. “Steve- come on-” Though his eyelids fluttered, there was no other response. SHIELD knew where they were- they’d fired on them with the intent of murdering them. A cleanup crew would be here soon. You didn’t have time for him to sit there unpresent. But you couldn’t take both of them far enough away to not get caught. 

So you did the only thing you could do. You dropped below into the bright space, finding yourself breathing heavy there, too, for some reason. Stepping over the weakened ripples, sensing not a dying light from Steve, but definitely not an awake one, you set a hand on his chest. 

Come on. Get up. Exerting some energy in your next breath out, gifting him some of your own colors. As he warmed and you watched the flutter of his eyes- both there and- in front of you, amidst the mess the three of you were currently in. You watched realization dawn and you only had enough energy for a weak smile. “Time to get up. You can nap later.” 

His brows knit, seeming like he was trying to make sense of what- or rather who- he was looking at. Your name fell from him in a much nicer and quieter tone than the words that followed. “What are you doing here? I told you to-” 

“Stay out of it. I know. Little late for that. We gotta go. You can yell and then feel bad when I explain it later. You’re welcome, by the way.” Standing back, you offered your hand to him. Without another second of time between you, he put his in yours, a steady, firm grip, moving into a crouch. 

He then let you go so he could put his arms fully under Natasha and lift her. “Thanks. At least tell me you brought a car.” Gritting his teeth in pain as he stood fully. 

“Sorry. Just the suit. Let me carry her.” She seemed pretty hurt- as did he, but he much like you would walk it off. 

“I got her. Let’s go.” Refusing your help. Not hard to sense that he was a little mad. Mad about you being here. About getting involved after he’d made such a serious (if not exactly helpful) case for you to do the exact opposite. Even pleading with Tony, in less words. Yet. There you were. 

“Tower is on lockdown. They came looking for you.” Deactivating your suit, less obvious that way, as the three of you blended into a thick forest just outside the military base, sun just starting to set. “When I refused to play ball, Pierce tried to take me into custody for murdering Fury.” 

At least his realization was nice. And the anger at you dissipated- or, redirected, at least. “Thanks for explaining before I yelled.” His attempt at humor empty. “Is this growing? They after everybody?” 

“Not yet. Just present company. You know more than I do? I know Pierce’s hands are on the wheel- but I don’t get why yet. He’s the top dog that ruined SHIELD? That killed Fury over Insight?” 

Steve didn’t answer you for a long time. So long in fact that you thought he might be sleep-walking. When you cast a look back up his way again, you found him looking at you. Cars rushing by on the other edge of a treeline indicated the highway was close. The two of you stopped walking. Just looking at each other. Finally you touched the heaviness inside of him. Felt it roll over you. “Steve?” Guilt was somewhere in all this ugly mess. 

“It’s Hydra.” 

A million objections threatened to burst out of you. Hydra was dead. Had been for a long time. There was no way that was possible. He was wrong. Steve Rogers- in fact- was the reason the world had been saved from them. There was just no way they were back- and no way they’d been undermining and infecting SHIELD- the organization you worked for… that your team worked for- that had brought all of you together- that knew everything about you- 

There was no way they were back… back and trying to get rid of every last one of you… that couldn’t be… right? 

Except in his eyes you saw the truth. And the darkness in his heart spoke of everything else. So instead of denying it, or fighting with him about it, or asking him to verify... You only heard yourself make one noise. 

“Oh.” 

Oh. 

                                                  ----

After Natasha regained consciousness, there was a little roundtable discussion about where the hell the three of you could go to lie low. Kind of hard to do, considering who you all were. And even harder to do when you couldn’t go back to any of your known locales. But- thankfully, Steve seemed to have an idea. The only problem was, it was back in DC. That was quite a long walk. And you weren’t really confident in the suit’s capabilities right now- or how subtle you could be if you were, say, carrying Natasha in your arms and… Steve on your back? A hilarious mental image. Luckily, Nat was able to finesse a car which the three of you then agreed you would dump a mile out from where you were headed. Not a good idea to bring a stolen car to a hideout. It’d get reported eventually. 

Time was blurring together. You had nodded off in the backseat of the car before arriving to your one-mile-walk destination. And by the time the two of them had roused you, the sun only just starting to rise. New day? What day was it even anymore? Did it matter? Who knew? Your brain was still overloaded by the fact that fucking Hydra had been shadowing your every move for who knew how long. The only solace you found was that Nick had died for this- not that he was dead, you took no joy in this. But that in finding it out, they had silenced him. Put an end to him. Which meant that… at least he had been on your side the whole time. The right side. That was… something. 

The house you were walking up to was apparently a friend of Steve’s- someone Nat seemed to vouch for, even though self-admitted she’d only seen him one time. Someone he’d met in his short time in DC but seemed to trust very much. There was no point in questioning his judgment- not that you did. But no one else had any good suggestions. A true testament to… how small your collective networks were. Or at least the people you’d either trust or not want to put in harm’s way. Aside that, after this whole debacle. Maybe it was true that the lot of you were terrible judges of character. 

But… then again… you and Pierce had not gotten along since the moment you’d met. Brief as your time knowing him had been. And you’d never much liked the STRIKE team, for that matter. Or Rumlow. ...okay, now you were just trying to put yourself up on a pedestal. And try to re-think about all the people you didn’t like, so that you could weed them out. You wondered if more government officials were Hydra. They must be. Ellis? You wondered. You didn’t loathe him. He was just annoying. And needy. But there were a fair few others… 

Too in your head you missed the side door opening to the house the three of you had sneaked up to,a strong young man looked down at the three of you. Concerned. Puzzled. “Hey, man…” Sam Wilson was his name. Ex-military. About as much as Steve had told you. Steve gave him a weak look. “I’m sorry about this. We need a place to lie low.” Natasha helpfully added, “Everyone we know is trying to kill us.” Sam pressed his lips together before standing aside. “Not everyone.” Steve was the first to go in, and you let Nat follow in, leaving you heading up the back. After the three of you were in, Sam closed the door and shut the blinds behind you. As you were about to speak up, he pointed down the hall. “You guys look pretty rough. Bathroom’s down that way.” Nat breathed a sigh of relief. “Mind if I take a shower?” “Not at all.” Sam crossed his arms, leaning back against his kitchen counter. The both of you watched as both she and Steve disappeared down the hall, leaving you and Sam awkwardly alone. Turning to him you held a hand out. “I should introduce myself-” “Like I don’t know who you are.” Though he didn’t shake your hand, he wasn’t speaking callously, a little quirk of a grin on his lips. “Even before all this aliens-and-superheroes stuff…” 

You gave an uneasy smile back. “Steve did say you were ex-military.” “He did, huh.” Having your hand out too long, you withdrew it. “You look nervous.” Something he seemed to be taking joy in, though not maliciously so. 

“Yeah, well… ex-military means a lot of things. And a lot of them might not be good, considering…” “Considering your company was on the supplying end of hot ticket wars for a long while.” He was grilling you, that much you were sure of. 

“Hey. To be fair. I wasn’t running the company at that time.” 

“Just doing all the talking for them. You know- not that you would remember- but I stood in one of those military greeting lines one time. When you and Tony Stark and Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes came off a plane worth more money than I’ll ever make in a lifetime. Saluting like you were royalty.” 

You couldn’t be sure if it would be more advantageous to let him make you sweat. If that would make him feel better. “It’s Colonel Rhodes, these days.” At that his smile seemed more genuine. “Yeah. I imagine it would be.” There was a small silence, before he leveled a more serious look his way. “You responsible for the Stark Military Family Fund that came outta all that mess?” 

“It has his name on it. Why would you think that was my bright idea?” Feeling a little more at ease. If only a touch. 

“No offense to a self-proclaimed genius, but you seem to be the brains behind that operation. Didn’t you run the Firefighter fund? Same tree. Call it a hunch.” 

Your smile was almost a little relieved, at being able to give Tony credit for something. Even in its ugliness. “Different branch. That one was all Tony. After he came back and shut everything down… he wanted to start paying the back dues on Stark Industries’ mistakes. That was one of the big ones.” Haunted by a lot of things he’d seen over there. The deaths of the soldiers that had tried to protect him, fighting in a war that had- as Sam had so eloquently put it- been funded by the very same man. ...more than anyone knew. Though not all of that was his fault. 

Sam nodded a few times over, eyes dropping. “He likes to talk you up in a lot of interviews. Gave you a lot of credit for wanting to get out early. Any of that stuff true?” 

“You seem to follow a lot of this stuff.” 

“My circle is a little self-explanatory and small. And I hear a lot of this stuff. Whether I want to or not. Mind answering me?” He looked up again, leveling a much more serious look your way. Looking for the truth of a matter he cared little about- until she literally rolled up into his house. With a man he seemed to be friends with. 

Good reason to care about all of it, very suddenly. 

So you answered. Honestly and easily as you looked back at him, not shying from his gaze. “While I’d never ask him to stop singing my good praises, that stuff is actually true. I think I had it in my head when I was a lot younger that I was doing something good for the world, by getting hired at Stark Industries. That I could talk Tony Stark out of the weapons business. I tried. A lot. But… in the end, the only person who could talk Tony out of anything was… Tony.” 

It was weird and almost a little difficult, remembering all that. But you’d never actually spoken this version of events to anyone before. It was a little cathartic to get it all out. 

There was another long pause, as he seemed to be trying to look through you. To ascertain whether or not you were telling the truth. Or at least if he thought you were. But. Finally. You were rewarded as he edged off the counter and held out his hand to you. So you put yours in his, giving him a firm shake. Then he smiled. “But I bet you had a lot of I-told-you-so’s in your back pocket. Sam Wilson, by the way. Nice to meet you.” 

“One or two. Or twenty.” Grinning back at him. “Thank you, for your service. And sorry they made you do one of those red-carpet salutes. I always hated that shit.” 

Finally you got a laugh out of him and he let go of your hand, turning to open the fridge. “Yeah. Well. Thank you for yours.” The sentiment struck you in a weird place. You wanted to rebuff him. The Avengers part of your life… that wasn’t service. Not like the military. You’d seen horrors, but he’d seen worse, you were sure. And- “You any good with a waffle iron?” 

He cut off your suddenly frantic thoughts. A very good thing, as your heart had started going double-time. Not something you could ponder over right now. Your reaction to such a thing. “Waffles aren’t my forte but I’ve recently picked up some very good omelet skills recently.” 

Turning back to you, he handed you a carton of eggs. “Well. Get to earning your keep.” 

“They’ll be worth at least a month’s rent, I think. Maybe two, if you have peppers.” 

 “So. Why do you guys need to lay low?” “Government is kind of framing us for murder.”

 He stood stock still for a long while as you went over to the oven. When you finally looked over at him he glanced back. And had the look of a man who just realized he may have made a huge mistake. “Well alright then.”

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 167

Clint called for the debrief about the Seoul mission while you and Tony were still in the air. About a half hour away from the Tower. His immediate silence over the line told you everything you needed to know, but the both of you waited patiently for Clint to speak. And when he did- “We lost Nat.” 

You felt your heart stop. “What??” 

Tony, in his infinite wisdom (clearly smarter than you, held a hand up). “What do you mean lost?” 

“Ultron took her.” 

Both you and Tony made some very upset noises and you slumped back in your seat. “Jesus Christ, Clint. You’re no longer allowed to do debriefs.” 

“There was a better way to phrase that.” Tony, as always, agreeing with you. 

Clint sounded equally annoyed from his end of the phone. “Are we counting this as a win?” 

Tony pursed his lips to the side, clearly deliberating how to ask, “Did you secure the Cradle?” 

“Precious cargo. Yeah. I got it.” Clearly unhappy that the team was forced to make a trade. 

It wasn’t fair. To make a trade like that. No doubt Nat had been doing her job. Doing her best. Ultron had snatched her- you couldn’t help but wonder why. ...and couldn’t stop yourself from wondering if you had gone with them, if you would have been able to prevent this. You were assuring yourself more than him as you said, “We’ll get her back.” 

Finally Clint’s bad mood broke just a little. “I know we will.”

Tony made the next call to the Tower. The quinjet was not that far behind yours, and once you landed they’d have to have the lab set up to… well, as he momentarily lied, destabilize the Cradle. Destroy it. Ultron had apparently done a fair amount of work to it. Had started building something inside of it with Cho’s help- Cho who was now free. Steve had stayed behind to help her. 

But that wasn’t really what he was planning to do. He just wanted to put facetime in with Bruce while asking him to try this one more time. You also decided not to chime in, understanding exactly the plan Tony was making. Bruce would be more amenable in person. A little bit more easily persuaded. 

On touch down, the both of you exited the flight deck and made a straight line down to the lab. The secured and cleared a wide area. Clint, as promised, was not too far behind. And once the three of you (with DUM-E’s slow assistance) dragged the Cradle in, you felt something strange. Like a headache was on the verge of blooming. And just as they’d plugged a large wire into the back of the Cradle, you set a hand over the cover. 

Tony looked up, sensing something was amiss. But he waited for you to speak, and when you did, you realized what was happening. A piercing, shrill noise had returned. “The thing- inside the scepter- it’s here.” You were sure of it. 

Both Bruce and Tony quickly whirled around to their respecting computer consoles, typing away in a furious buzz. It was Bruce that confirmed first. “Gamma radiation buzz is off the charts. That thing is working overtime. We gotta shut it down.” 

On the opposite spectrum, Tony seemed intrigued. “What’s it doing, I wonder?” Extremely curious to find out. 

Clint secured his fingers on the very thin edges and tried to wedge his weight upwards. It was an extreme failure, and the rest of you stood around watching him try useless to work. This was one of the reasons you stood back in situations like this. Out of your element. And not as willing to… put yourself out there, to put it mildly. When he realized he wasn’t doing much good he gave it a rest. “This thing is sealed tight.” 

Trying to draw his attention, and possibly looking after one of his own (albeit secret) interests, Bruce took his glasses off and fumbled about a little nervously. “Any word on Nat?” While you were all worried, he was a touch more so. For reasons that inspired a look cast between you and Tony. 

He was the one who answered after the two of you were done making faces at each other. “Haven’t heard. But. Have to wager she’s alive.”

You found the follow up conclusion simple. “If she wasn’t, Ultron would be making a big deal about it. He can broadcast anything anywhere. Her picture would be on every screen in the Tower if he wanted to make a statement with her.” It was a grim way of looking at it, but… for as much as you didn’t want to understand Ultron, you at least were aware of his base-line motives. He took Nat because he could. Or because she was in the way. That was on the team. That failure. He wanted everyone to stew in it. No sense in killing her yet. 

Bruce gave a solemn nod. “Makes sense, I guess.” Trying to redivert his attention, he cast a hand over the Cradle. “We’re going to need to access the program running in there. Break it down from within.” Moving on to work was the next easiest thing. 

Tony seemed to not agree- only momentarily though, you knew. He put a hand on Clint’s shoulder. “Any chance Natasha might leave you a message- outside the internet? Old school spy stuff?” 

It took him a moment, but when Clint nodded, it came with a little grin. “There’s some nets I can cast. Yeah. Alright. I’ll find her. You deal with this.” And just like that, he left the room. Which had been the point of distracting him that way. 

Bruce was already in the middle of some serious typing, trying to work away, when you and Tony approached from the opposite side of the Cradle. He seemed to ignore the looming obviousness of what was about to happen. “I can work on tissue degeneration-” Though he did look up at Tony, “If you can fry whatever operational system Cho implanted.” 

Waving one of the holoscreens out of the way, Tony leaned in just a little more. Standing at his side, you couldn’t exactly see the eyes he was looking at Bruce with. But you knew them all too well. “Yeah. About that…” Pleading. About to ask for something he knew he shouldn’t. 

Apparently, for some reason, Bruce was no stranger to them either. Because in just the next second after that look registered, he put both his hands up. “No.” And gave a very sturdy warning. 

You tried your hand at this mass negotiation that was going to have to happen. “Please trust us.” Because you were in on this. One-hundred-percent. There was only this. 

Bruce shook his head, almost a little wildly. “Absolutely not. I don’t- not with this- are you serious??” While you tried to not take this too personally, you were starting to grow tired of everyone around here constantly implying you were better than Tony- and that they were always shocked when you failed to live up to those strange expectations they held of you. 

Tony pulled his phone out of his inside jacket pocket. “Our ally? The guy protecting the military’s nuclear codes? We found him.” And with a little shake of his phone, he shot out that beautifully bright orange consciousness you’d grown to love. 

JARVIS was alive. Moving. Thinking. And… warm. In a way you never would have been able to explain. A smile grew on your lips when he spoke. “Hello, Dr. Banner.” 

You would never judge Bruce. But. Bruce not saying hello back was probably the rudest thing you’d ever seen him do. Tony went into a bit of an excited ramble. A light was opening up inside of him. One of excitement. And detrimentally manic. Scrambling to move this last piece of the puzzle while it was still on his plate. “Ultron didn’t go after JARVIS because he was angry. He attacked him because he was scared of what he can do. So JARVIS went underground. Scattered himself. Dumped his memories. But not his protocols. He didn’t even know he was in there until she woke him up.” Giving a little nod your way. 

Bruce looked between you two. Back and forth. At least a few times. He then held a hand out, pressing it against the top of the Cradle. “So… you want me to help you put JARVIS into this thing?” 

Tony was quick, “No!” So quick that it nearly gave you whiplash. No? His wide grin told the whole story before the next words out of his mouth, “I want to help you put JARVIS into this thing.” Already Bruce was backing away, shaking his head over and over. “We’re out of my field of expertise here.” Tony having no problem being humble, for once. “You know bio-organics better than anyone.” 

He looked over your way. Waiting for a long time. Kind of pointedly staring at you. Like you might come to your senses and talk Tony out of this. As if you were the only one that could. But, when you just pressed your lips together, he sighed heavily. “What- you two just assume that JARVIS’ operational matrix can beat Ultron’s?” 

You waved a hand up JARVIS’ way, brushing that lightshow with the tips of your fingers. “JARVIS already has been beating Ultron. He’s been keeping nuke codes safe. For longer than we even knew it was a problem. If you ask me we should have looked at him first for a world protection plan.” 

JARVIS answered you, “Your confidence warms me, Ms. INY. Dr. Banner, please. I believe it’s worth a go.” There was something about this. JARVIS seemed a little different. A little more animated. ...emotional? Was that the word you were thinking of? 

...was it possible that in his initial fight with Ultron- -well if Ultron had somehow gained sentience… couldn’t JARVIS have?

In your eager optimism over JARVIS, you missed Bruce shrinking away. And when both you and Tony moved to the other side of the Cradle to face him, he put both his hands up, keeping you at arm’s length. “No!” It was rare that Bruce raised his voice. He was really stressed suddenly. “I’m in a loop! I’m- I’m caught in a time loop! This is exactly where it all went wrong.” 

Maybe it would have been a good idea to back off him. Let him cool down. But there was just no time to let him come to grips with this idea. 

It was why you understood when Tony reached out, settling his hands on Bruce’s upper arms, giving him a little affectionate stir. “I know. I know. I know what everyone’s gonna say. But they’re already saying it. We’re mad scientists. We’re monsters, buddy. We gotta own it. We have to make a stand.” 

There was a painful twist in your heart, hearing Tony speak so earnestly like that. What he believe to be honesty about himself. What his intentions made him. You didn’t think any of that about him, nor Bruce for that matter. But this wasn’t the time to start a therapy session. Instead, you tried to entreat him one last time. “Bruce, please… if it’s not this, it’s nothing. We need you. If you’re in a loop, this is where we break it.” 

Though he was looking at you briefly he hung his head. “You don’t know that.” 

“What if I told you I did? Would it make a difference?” 

This time he really did look at you- he took a long look. And then finally- “If I’m being told I have a choice here, it really doesn’t feel like it.” He didn’t pause long enough for something cold to creep in. “But. Fine. Let’s try one last time.” 

Tony gave him a clap on both his arms with another sturdier shake. “There you go, buddy.” 

You, instead, were softer. “Thank you, Bruce.” 

He sighed again. “Yeah, yeah, yeah…” 

                                                                --- 

They got to work right away. Doing the things they did best. Babbling at each other. Hooking up the Cradle to their machines. Typing away. Working. Busily. Quickly. Because time was running out. Whatever was in the Cradle wouldn’t stay in that state forever- you caught at least that much. They were also working from the other end of the clock. Ultron was moving, too. Who knew when his next strike would be. 

It took them an hour. JARVIS had disappeared. Tony had put the lightshow away. But he’d gone quiet, too. Something that unsettled you. If this didn’t work, would you lose him again? You were absolutely sure you couldn’t bear a repeat. You’d only just gotten him back. But, in his absence, the Cradle started… well, singing wasn’t the right word but… it was something awfully close. The lab was humming otherwise with energy, covering that foreign tune that laid inside the Cradle. They were moving back and forth constantly. And the next fifteen minutes they started ramping up in intensity. 

Now or never had come pretty soon. 

Tony was typing in a buzz on his keyboard. “This framework is not compatible.” You had no time to register if this was a good or bad verdict as Bruce walked by, seemingly unbothered. “The genetic coding tower’s at ninety-seven percent.” He looked up at Tony. “You have got to upload that schematic in the next three minutes.” 

Your mouth was open- about to ask something inane by their standards, but the heavy steps of boots caught your attention too late. You hadn’t been paying enough attention, because when you whipped around you saw Steve. Standing in his anger. And not only him- he’d brought the twins with him. 

His tone was condescending and tight. “I’m gonna say this once.” 

Tony wore one to match. “How about nonce?” 

Steve grit his teeth and waved his authoritarian hand around. “Shut it down!” 

Quickly moving to the leftmost console, Tony’s attention played elsewhere. “Nope. Not gonna happen.” 

You, in turn, stepped forward to try and get in between them, even though Tony was on the upper level. You held your hands out in defense. “Steve, please. You don’t understand.” 

He leveled a finger at you. “No you don’t understand. You don’t know what you’re doing!” 

Bruce was not too far behind you. “And you do? She’s not in your head?” 

Wanda stepped out from beyond Steve and your eyes went immediately to her. “I know you’re angry…” 

Something dark rumbled inside Bruce. Something foreign. “Oh, we’re way past that. I could choke the life out of you and never change a shade.” 

You had to hold yourself very still after hearing that. It wasn’t like Bruce. Not at all. Then again… the news was back to calling him a monster. Because of her. He’d hurt people- because of her. There was a level of understanding for how truly angry he was over it. You looked her way. “Have a sudden change of heart?” 

She frowned, fingers twisting together anxiously. “It’s not easy to believe- but after what we’ve seen-” 

Tony’s voice boomed from the higher level. “That’s nothing compared to what’s coming!” 

In one twisting move, she turned his way. “You don’t know what’s in there!” 

“We know more than you do.” Something you asserted with more rights than you had. Tony said this was the next thing. The last chance. You believed him. And you’d stand by him. No matter what. 

Steve narrowed his eyes at you. “This isn’t a game!” 

A shouting match ensued with almost too many voices. But it died down as a blur flashed around the room, picking up wind as it wound around you- no- the Cradle- stopping with Pietro at the bottom, holding the main power source plug after yanking it free. “No no. Go on. You were saying?” 

Alarms started shrieking. But nothing ever quite compared to the crack of a bullet being shot off in close vicinity. The noise startled you into a jump, just about the same time the glass underneath Pietro’s feet caved in and you stepped over quick to see Clint putting a foot over his chest. The rest of your attention was stolen by the sudden struggling lifeforce inside the Cradle. 

That was until Tony’s anxiety spiked and he started moving in a hurry. “I’m rerouting the upload!” 

Deciding where he stood officially, it really shouldn’t have shocked you- Steve winding up to throw his shield- maybe it didn’t. Because you double-tapped your Reactor without a second thought, and held up a hand to blast it off trajectory after it had bounced off a couple work stations and headed straight for Tony. 

You were done with people attacking him. So much so that your next move was cleaner than the last. One shot of your repulsor aimed right at him. And the second he was off his feet, Wanda creeped closer in a weirdly stilted couple of moves. But she was brought to a standstill by Bruce who threw his arms around her from behind. “Go ahead. Piss me off.” 

It was a shame that your awareness was stolen a second time. Panic had started as a low simmer inside the Cradle, but it was now collapsing in on itself. Dying. The computers were still shrieking- Steve was on his feet- Tony had called his armor- 

But you couldn’t take your eyes off the Cradle. Or rather, what was snaking out above it. A familiar orange glow hit the air, wisping upward. Like it was leaving. 

 The next few seconds felt very important as your heart skipped a beat. That was JARVIS. Something in you told you. You knew. That light- that light drawing you in- drawing you up- That was JARVIS. And if you didn’t do something fast, he’d die.

Something pulled your arm forward. Something told you what to do as you held your hand up, fingers reaching, touching the tail of that energy. Calling it back. Calling it to you. And instead of continuing its upward flit, it shimmered back down, winding around your left arm, further still as you pulled your hand back, holding it to your chest. 

The song in the Cradle spoke your name. Something ancient directed your movements. Told you what to do. Almost like you’d done it before. Both your arms moved in a roundabout flow and then you cast both your palms out over the Cradle, fingers outstretched, directing that orange light inside. Holding it there. Keeping it there. Struggling to do so as the life just faded away. You couldn’t keep it there forever- which was why you pleaded in a bit of desperation- “You need to repower the Cradle- I can’t hold it-!” 

Tony said something- maybe just a call of your name- 

But it didn’t matter. The next thing in your peripheral was Thor sliding into the room, bringing with him urgent fury. He then jumped on top of the Cradle and the two of you looked at one another. He then gave you a nod. So very knowing. Somehow. And that was when you stepped away, back into Tony who had come to your side, and in the next move you drew your arm forward, throwing up a shield as Thor raised his arm, hammer in hand, and then cast it down, striking the Cradle with lightning. 

The sound was deafening. And once the light died, it seemed like it took everything with it. The computers had gone quiet. Everyone in the room held their breath. 

Then the glass on the Cradle shattered, the force throwing Thor to the back of the room. Once he was out of the way, something slid up onto the lid- a fresh body- something synthetic. Red and silver- with that glowing yellow singing on its forehead. 

His nervous eyes cast around the room. And as you reached out you were sure. You thought you were so sure that was JARVIS. But then he jumped forward, almost in an attack at Thor who had gotten to his feet. Almost. But you felt the scared desperation. The confusion. And when Thor reached up to grab that new body and throw him through the glass and down into the lounge, the voice that ripped from you was one of pure worry- “Stop!” 

Not giving anyone in that room enough time to think about that command as you took off in the next beat on a boost of your jets, following him. Finding him floating against the tall windows. Just looking. At everything. First the city, twinkling in lights. Then at himself. And as you came to a stand on the catwalk just behind him, waiting patiently, you saw his eyes drift to your reflection. Your voice wouldn’t work the first time you tried, so as you forced it on the next turn, the name came out in a croak. “JARVIS?” Hoping. Hoping against hope that this had worked. Because if it hadn’t… 

The moment took too long. Your voice had long since evaporated into the air, and he hadn’t so much as moved. But finally… your patience was rewarded, as a soft sheen of recognition bubbled up from him. And an even softer smile played along his reflection in the window. “Ms. INY.” 

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 79

All the way at the end of the platform, Killian was on a slow approach, starting to burn brightly. For one reason or another it set your own new glow off, and you felt the heat in your veins. Tony turned just a little. “That’s new.” 

“Wasn’t my choice.” Keeping your anger hot and fresh, knowing you were not only going to need it, but that you just couldn’t rid yourself of it. Not yet. Not now. Not until this was finished. 

“Ready, honey?” Tony raised a hand in the air, summoning down one of those suits flying by. “Where’s your Reactor?” Voice changing into that slight metallic tang as the helmet slid over his head. 

“Killian destroyed it.” 

“You don’t say.” 

“Let’s finish this.” 

The rest of the noise around you died as the three of you met each other head on in a sprint after that. Tony flipped up and over, trying to give you coverage in the back as you went toe to toe with Killian yourself. It ended up in a one-two punch, from your end back into Tony, and then forward to deliver a knee to his gut. Once he was down you grabbed him by the neck and threw him forward, putting a well placed heel to his back. 

Both you and Tony on him again ended poorly the second time, as he swiped Tony back with a heated hand, reaching into his chest with that burned up hand to rip at circuitry and metal. Tony quickly ejected out of the suit pushed a few feet away on his back, leaving Killian’s confusion open for you to take hold of. One jab and then another in quick succession- 

And then he surprised you with another spurt of fire, seeming like he unhinged his jaw to do so. As you threw your hands up to take cover, he spun around to knock your heel out from under you, sending you tumbling dangerously close to the edge of that catwalk. And while you tried to snake your way back up, he flourished with another kick that had you spiraling over the edge, reaching up to grab a thin piece of metal to keep from falling hundreds of feet below. 

Fear touched over you then, too soon you thought. Tony came forward in yet another suit, stealing Killian’s attention away for just long enough for you to find leverage and climb your way back up and roll forward back onto the platform. Realizing you’d taken too long as Tony ejected out of yet another suit, back first, and you heard the crunch of his body against a closer walkway below. 

Finding your feet beneath you and letting full adrenaline rush through your veins, you charged forward, slamming Killian face first into the wall and beating your fists against his back. When he shunted himself into you, you lost your balance, enough time for him to twist and grab you, throwing you where he’d just been momentarily pinned, heavy hands on your shoulder, and then rammed your head back against it next. 

“You know…” He hissed, putting a hot hand to your neck. You started to feel your skin sizzle. His eyes were alight as he leaned in. “You two are really starting to piss me off.”

You thrust your arm underneath the crook of his elbow, trying to knock him back. Almost feeling a little feral as you bared your teeth at him in a growl. “I said I was going to kill you. I meant it.” 

While you only got him back for a second, he had surer and stronger footing and as you turned around to face him, he slammed you hard against the wall a second time, knocking some sense out of you. His voice was too close. “Funny. You know- he said the same thing- when we both watched you explode.” His hand at your throat caused a gag that started a panic as breath became shorter. “Think he’ll say it again?” 

Bringing a quick knee up, you got him in the gut, and as he lurched forward, you rammed your forehead into his and then shoved him back. “No need!” Choking this out as you ran at him full force. Anger consuming you, bringing you into literal white hot fury. That’s why Tony had looked at you that way. That’s why he’d been carrying around such an intense shadow. 

But perhaps letting anger consume you was not the best idea. As the next time you ran at him, he twisted underneath you, catching you by your side and lifting you up. The sky greeted your vision, and just at the corner, so did Tony climbing back up. Hand outstretched for you. Killian barked out a laugh. “That’s where you’re wrong!” 

Tony’s cry was earth shattering. Heart breaking. “NO!!” 

The sight of his horrified face, hand still trying to reach you, the last thing you saw aside the sky growing further and further away as Killian hefted you off the platform and down, down. Into a pit of fire that swallowed you up whole and hard, concrete at your back, knocking the wind from you yet again. Lungs collapsing. The lights went out. For a moment, the world was even quieter than it was before. 

But a thought was building brightly inside you. 

I will not die. I will not die. 

You would not. You could not. You would not die here. 

The burning in your core was intense, pulling you from that whisper of unconsciousness, sitting up inside a vortex of whirling flames with a cry that disappeared in that fiery roar. Crawling first on your hands and knees, you pulled yourself from metal and wood and debris that was digging into your flesh. But you were burning hotter and glowing harder than the fire surrounding you. And you would not die. Digging yourself free, you finally moved to push yourself up. Up. 

Finally standing, and pushing yourself out of the flames, taking a breath of fresh air once you were free. Seeing a similarly burned crisp of a man, standing over Tony who was bloodied and bruised, sitting on the ground with his hand up. Killian threw his arms wide. “I AM THE MANDARIN!” 

Running forward you reached out, securing your hand around the back of his neck, and then upended him, bending your knees and using a backwards momentum to lift him up and then slam him into the ground. Your muscles felt brand new. As he struggled, like you had struggled, gasping for any breath, you fell in a crouch over him, and then did exactly what you’d promised. 

“You are nothing.” Making sure you leveled your gaze with him as you reached your arm up and then swooped it forward, fingers stretched out, sinking through his chest as every inch of you blazed white hot. You sunk into that newly bright space, doubly moving in both realities as you broke through bone and muscle and felt the pulse of his heart hot in your palm. 

Then you squeezed. And squeezed. And squeezed. 

This man. Right here. Underneath you. He had tried to hurt Rhodey. He had hurt Happy. He’d destroyed your home. He’d nearly killed JARVIS and Tony. So you squeezed. 

Until you felt it pop, and you watched the light driving him die. In that space, water at your feet, you leaned into him and whispered the last words he’d ever hear. This life or the next. Or wherever he went. You hoped it was hell. “I told you I’d kill you.” 

Then you waited. You waited until you were sure he wasn’t breathing anymore. And after that a fuller sense returned. You’d been in war. In battle. You’d put down countless things at this point. Seen death. But like this…? 

Standing your vision returned and you saw Tony still half sitting there. Staring at you. “I… I’ve got nothing.” 

Killian was bad. And he had been aiming to kill Tony. You had to. You’d had no choice. And you’d promised. All those people he hurt- but your family especially. You had to. “Tony…” Yet still you were burning, weren’t you? 

“Honey-” Cut off suddenly as his eyes lifted towards the sky. Yours did too. And saw a suit coming in, swooping low- towards you- “JARVIS the subject to my twelve o’clock is not a target- disengage!” You watched as he tapped his ear- and realized- just as he did- that his earpiece had been knocked loose. 

The suit came down in, lower, and held a hand up to you, repulsor charging. So you did the same. “JARVIS.” Calling to him. Gently. 

Your patience was rewarded, as the suit stood down, literally, dropping to a stand on the ground. JARVIS’ voice echoed out from the helmet. “Ah, my apologies, Ms. INY. I mistook you for an enemy. Your current heat signature is remarkably similar. It is good to see you.” 

Relief flooded you. It had been far longer than you would have liked, going without hearing his voice. Especially after being told by LUNA that he’d been deactivated. So, even though it felt a little silly, you couldn’t help yourself from going forward, and wrapping your arms around an empty suit. It made no sense. JARVIS was just a program. An AI. But… for one reason or another… “You, too, JARVIS.” 

“Ma’am…” 

You stood there just a couple more seconds before letting him go, just about the time you heard Tony grunt as he lifted himself into standing. Turning to look at him, that shadow was heavier than ever surrounding him. Dark and present. Indescribable sadness penetrating his heart. “You just scared the devil out of me. I thought you were-”

Dead. He didn’t have to say it. The both of you heard it. But you cut him off. Because you didn’t want for him to have to finish the thought. “I’m not. I’m okay.” 

His lips drew thin and he gave an off kilter shrug. “Debatable. But we’ll get you there.” Coming closer, he held a hand out to you. “Come here-”

And you shirked back immediately. “No- don’t touch me-” Much as you wanted to. All this talk about heat signatures- the earlier explosion- the fact that he was no longer the one carrying a soft glow about him- “I’ll burn you-” 

“You’re fine- you’re fine, honey, see…” Connecting his hand on your arm, soothing it up and down. Such a simple contact threatened to break you. “Not hot- well. Temperature wise, anyway.” Soft grin playing at his lips. 

And that- truly- was what broke you. Practically throwing yourself at him, wrapping your arms around him. Tight as the tears fell. “Tony…” Weak and watery. Begging him for something- you had no idea what. Just holding on to him as the last tether that was keeping your sanity in check at this point. 

“I know, honey. I know…” Squeezing you back just as hard. The both of you clinging to one another. 

But he didn’t know. So you let it all out, because you just couldn’t hold it in anymore. “He destroyed the house- and I thought you were dead- and then he crushed my Arc Reactor- and pumped me full of this- this stuff and it burns and I think I melted LUNA when I exploded and-” Hyperventilating just a little as it all rushed out of you. Weeping openly. In the middle of all this destruction. “And I killed him…” Somehow not the worst of it, yet even after all that and after all he’d put you through it felt… weird. Vicious. 

His hands reached up, cupping the sides of your face, pressing his forehead to yours. “It’s okay, honey… I know- and- look- I’m not gonna be the one to tell you he didn’t deserve it. That he wasn’t gonna stop until either or the both of us were dead. But all the other stuff… we’ll get through it.” 

You hiccuped, trying to draw any tiny breath you could. “He said you saw- you watched-” 

His eyes closed tight. “In one day I thought I lost you twice. And both times were my fault.” Tears escaped past his lashes, and he struggled to get in a full breath. More for him than you, he pulled you close again, hand at the back of your head as he settled your face at his shoulder. Your hands reached up, clutching to him. “I meant what I said- about all of it. We’ll deal with this. Therapy. Whatever it takes. Just don’t…” 

Don’t leave. Don’t scare me like that again. 

“Can you fix me? This- whatever it is inside me?” You wanted it gone. This was not you. And you didn’t want what it brought. No matter the positives. It just wasn’t worth it. 

He huffed out a watery laugh. “I think I can figure this out, yeah. I almost had this twenty years ago when I was drunk. I think I can get you better. That's what I do. I fix stuff.” 

Scared to ask, but knowing now was the moment, “And no more building an army of suits?” 

“No more. I think I got it out of my system. In fact. Let me just… shave them down a little. Don’t even have space to store all of ‘em anymore, do we?” He laughed again, but you didn’t, still hiding your face in the crook of his neck. “JARVIS, hey-”

The suit behind you spoke. “Will there be anything else, sir?”

“You know what to do.” Tony squeezed you again, extra tight this time. 

“The Clean Slate Protocol, sir?” 

“Screw it, it's Christmas. Yeah. Let’s do it.” 

You laid your head on his shoulder then, watching as that army of suits that he’d labored over for months, ignored you over for months, been lost in for months, rose up to the sky and blew themselves apart, unleashing colorful bursts and sparks into the night air, not unlike fireworks. He started rocking you back and forth. There was really only one thing on your mind. “I love you, Tony…” 

“I love you too, honey.” His voice was small. Quiet. Quivering. Practically squeezing the life out of you at this point, but in a much needed way. “More than anything. We’ll be okay… we’ll get through this.” 

You weren’t sure who he was trying to convince. But chances were, the both of you needed a very good convincing after all the shit you’d just been through. “We will.” Murmuring back to him. Trying to make it sound like you believed it. 

But somehow you would, right? Somehow you’d make it through this together and to the other side. Like you always did. “Dvahli make it out okay?” 

It was strange, the giggles that escaped you, and you nodded. “Yeah… yeah, actually we owe Steve a favor…” 

“Rogers showed up??” 

“With SHIELD. They might still be on the property.” 

You practically felt his eye roll while he sighed. “Figures. Out of one mess and into another.” 

A small sense of normal finally found you. Your life was messy and complicated, but this was a relatively okay normal, you thought. Finally your shoulders came down, and you felt a little more relaxed. And tired. Wiped out. “They were trying to help, I think.” 

“Isn’t that what they always say? Doesn’t always make it true.” His hand rubbed across your back. 

“You’re right…” 

“I always am.” Your giggles encouraged him, and you felt his smile. Felt him find a sense of peace he’d been missing for a while. A very small one. But suddenly there nonetheless. “Come on… time to get back to New York, I think. And work on you… and then me.” 

Finally shifting back just a little, you cast a gaze up his way. “You?” 

The corner of his mouth twitched, and he held your face in his hands again. “Yeah. Me. I think it’s time. Don’t you?” 

There was a severe gravity to what he was asking. If he was already thinking about it- and you knew he was, from that terrible encounter in your office a while back- your decision wouldn’t really sway him too much. But… “What about what that doctor said?” 

“Doctor Weird? He can take a hike. I think I know someone better.” Leaning up, he pressed a lingering kiss to your forehead. “It’s time.” 

The thought was scary. Terribly frightening. The Arc Reactor sitting in his chest was what had been keeping him alive. And… coincidentally, from the tragedy of him needing it in the first place… that’s what had brought the two of you together. It wasn’t that you were scared not having it would somehow ruin the both of you- you were more scared that… if something went wrong… “I think so, too.” It couldn’t have been easy, living with it. Knowing that if someone destroyed it- yanked it out of his chest- who knew what… it could be the very easy end of him. “As long as you’re sure they can do the job.” 

He smiled lightly. “No betting here. You wanna make me promise?” 

You found yourself shaking your head, before leaning in to him again, terribly tired. Just clinging to him. “I trust you.” 

His strength held you up then, as yours fled. “I love you.” Warm and strong in your ear. 

“I love you, too.” 

“Merry Christmas.” 

“Merry Christmas, Tony.”