#IT WASNT GAY EITHER YOU IDIOTS IT WAS HOMOPHOBIC

[tubapun]

At this point posts about "there was a gay rated r cut of Scooby-Doo" are the new "Scooby-Doo taught us the real monster was people"

[misterbitches]

i live in a universe where if i were to walk down the street i could get murdered willy nilly cos im black but men are out here going around being like “my boyfriend and i met when he was a junior in high school” i don’t believe in jail and i try not to make jail jokes but HOW IS THAT FAIR? JAIL!!! GUILLOTINE!!!! GET THIS MAN A RETIREMENT FUND AND A THERAPIST

that dialogue was fucking embarrassing. he shoulda just said “im 12 yrs older than him” no one needs to know u were 30 dating a 17 year old u insecure freak. retire bitch and get away from her

 i wanted muren so badly to be like “LMAO SRY didnt mean to seem surprised i just like men my own age i guess?” i wouldnt have even apologized if i was surprised. my friend was dating someone ten yrs younger than him and i made fun of him for it and he was like “i know” bc he does know.

just a tip: i don’t like getting hit on by men way older than me, a lot of people don’t. i’ve had men who are 36 interested in me when i was 23, and i reciprocated, but now as i am 29 and older i realize how much it confused me and how i didn’t like it.

age gaps are what they are. ther’es many times i do not like it especially if it is a pattern (this is what happens in tv shows and movies and the opposite of that isn’t gay age gaps or power imbalances or women much older than a younger man ok that’s not progress it’s just peopl ewanting to be like cis men and no one wants that) and esp if the person’s peers are all their ages. people seem to forget that we travel in the same social circles on purpose due to our environments and also our world experiences. the only way to meet an older man is outside of school and yet adults can’t seem to control themselves?

i saw this person who was one of the editors of sexual hegemony (a book on capitalism and homophobic laws and sex basically idk google it it’s interesting) and he was trying to have a foucultian outlook (i hate focault btw doesn’t mean what he says wasnt interesting but it does mean i am not okay with psychosexual philosophers who take advantage of people. the only testament against him having reltaions with younger people is a bunch of young people i nfucking tunisia and there’s an excuse that he wasn’t a fucking pedophile he was those ebebebbeopopopo people and it doesnt matter when ur in fucking tunisia as a white french algerian fucking preying on children) how age of consent laws desexualize younger people. they were passed for  abunch of reasons like any law but here is the thing

we have no business in being in spaces to determine children’s sexual identity and teenagers in their own realm. THEY need to figure it out. our job as adults is to PROTECT THEM full stop. not intrude on their lfe and not give them the tools to decide for themselves. age of consent laws are meant to protect not to facilitate children against some boogeyman of sex. the issue is the way our society views it but young people are sexual AS YOUNG PEOPLE. it has NOTHING to do with adults and it shouldn’t. that’s why it is extra fucking intrusive when you are literally wedged into someone’s life who you have no business being around. it’s only by fucking circumstance. it’s abysmal and not cute. 

what this tells me is that the age gap is salacious. not in the way that i was 23 and a man was 36. in the way that he was 17 and this dude was 29. that’s interesting right? it’s “oooh” and it means we shouldn’t balk at it. saying 12 years would have sufficed, raises some eyebrows, and we can figure out the dynamics after but you just had to put that in BECAUSE YOU FUCKING LIKE IT but the thing is there’s no part of it that was fun. i’m just going to assume you like fucking teenagers bc that’s what it’s telling me lmao

i rarely talk about this couple but to put them in my eyeballs and then have that stupid conversation it was insulting lmao god please get a fucking script supervisor fuck but none of them care about sotry or any of what i fucking laid out. how stupid and careless and just unfun. i don’t like it. also ew at the idea of 2 tops and 2 bottoms talking oh my god i am gonna give myself a heart attack i’m already so fucking anxious i have to see my family lemme chill

im 29 and feel bad having a crush on a 23 year old CELEBRITY ok and i SHOULD feel ashamed and it’s not even a big deal that’s how everyone should approach life tbqh u walk around like ur 100 yrs old to avoid children. oh what’s that this korean cebrity learned english and moved to america to start a family with me and i find him very hot and i like his voice but we’re 6 years apart i’m not sure if i would work (how fun of a drama would that be. pointless and ridiculous. i love it.)

oh there’s a great review on CMBYN and its history and how the isolation and seeclusion was so fuckign capitalist bougie patriarchy and yea idk if anyone is interested. i think it’s ironic the ending for the people in CMBYN irl bc it’s just. so indicative of this shit. i dont like guadignino (idk is that how u spell his name) and think he’s not a great....person or director (i love the look of suspiria tho likke visually and edited. the DP was thai btw! he did an amazing job!!!) but it critiques this film from a perspective of someone who clearly at least cares about artistry, no matter how poorly i think he executes it, and just how hollow it is. the thing about “escapism” is that it relies on the harsh realities of the world to make it opposite, everything has context, nothing is apolitical. to make something that exists in a vacuum is negligent and it doesn’t help you escape it makes you even more tied to this world and its flaws because it doesn’t do anything to mitigate it.

people view it as like “we can put something stupid on screen and people have to accept it in this world” but that isn’t how IT WORKS. you hvae to build up the stakes of the world. but i can’t see introducing some “taboo” (see: stupid) elements and pretending the escapism is seeing this and allowing it. how could it be when the problem is the nature of the rship itself? what world are you taking us to? and why does this world ignore the pressing realities? and i wouldnt say either of these are explicit escapism (i think i hate that word now) becuase um they arent. this fantastical generally rich people escapism isn’t about bending things that don’t work to mold it into our society because WE DO THAT ALREADY it’s about taking those things and twisting them to something we can accept and like or something that has real consequences for people. it’s so funny how marketing and the idea of pc culture and shit and conservative ideology seeps into these. they have  an explicit interest in holding the status quou of taking advantage of people and using their power; age is a huge structure to do so. in this society when we struggle why would its existence not be challenged? because rape, ridiculous rships, abusive rships, torture etc is a power move, conservatives rest on it and people who gain power. what about that is appealing? making it gay? well, no. especially because men DO have power. 

every fucking thing in BL is a reflection of of patriarchy honestly. i can admit that and i’m not okay with it but it’s consumption. there’s a way to make this decent or entertaining without it being so fucking poorly done. and atp i dont even want to call things bl it’s a tv show just bc it’s for a certain audience doesnt mean anything do better idiots

[ibelonginthepast]

well here is something I think I should really make clear.

I dont love cc, or am not one of those idiotic pro cc shits either jeez.

I do not at all believe that cc is above criticism. I so not agree with a lot, I mean A LOT, of her shit. Her writing does include problematic shit. And I myself have made several posts about them and pointing them out because I do not agree with that shit.

What i was trying to say in my previous posts was that I do more agree with the cancel culture and anti author trends either. My point is simple, I dont think I have to be pro cc to not hate her or be anti cc to criticize her??

I have seen people call cc and other authors shit like saying they are straight up islamophobic and hate muslims, that they are homophobic and hate the gays, they are racist and sexist. I think this is not just mischaracterizing the authors and putting them in boxes they dont belong, it's also reduction of those terms and issues in a way. Because islamophobia, racism, sexism, ableist they are major issues and run much deeper than that.

These authors have tried giving us somethings we really lacked before and I respect them for that. It doesnt mean its perfect, it certainly isnt. They have a shit ton of stereotypes and prejudices and problematic shit in their writing which needs to be pointed out and criticized and they must be called out on that.

But cancelling them, calling them names and saying that they arent on or side is simply not sensible. U dont hate on her for no reason and call her names that u dont understand. That's it.

She has given voices to a lot too, and u respect her for that. U critisize her for the shit she has done, and hope she fixes it. If she doesnt, u call her out.

But especially, u dont hate on people who like the books or the characters in it. And u dont hate them because their truth is different than urs.

Also I wasnt hating on people who are anti cc, I was simply trying to make them reconsider their choice. I am sure they have their reasons, and that's okay I guess. I disagree with u, doesnt mean i hate you.

That's it I guess.

[sighfertryptich]

Im going to rant(ish), skip if you want.

So I was watching a video (its the “Generations React to Dan Howell and Eugene Lee Yang Coming Out On Youtube” video by FBE) and everyone started sharing their coming out stories, and everyone was sharing that they were either scared or felt a freak by it. I felt that I wanted to, considering this is the only platform I have on here that I can express myself to the fullest without judgement, share my own, even though I am not in an accepting household.

So, let me start out with this. Growing up, I thought I was straight. There were no signs of me feeling any different than other kids. I was one of the more innocent children, I didnt care about gender identity or sexuality. I just cared about who I was going to play with at recess. By the time I hit fifth grade, I was naïve to the fact that not everyone was attracted to everyone around them. I didn’t understand that some boys only liked girls, and some girls only liked boys. In my community, it was rare that the gays and lesbians understood what it was, so they werent around to put that knowledge in our vocabulary. To me, if you had a crush, it could be on either a female or a male, whether or not you were the same gender or the opposite.

Reaching middle school, about a year later, our views were widened. People around me were realizing or expressing their sexualities. I, on the other hand, still didn’t understand that there were labels to these things. (Keep in mind, there still weren’t lesbians or gays out in the open yet. Everyone was either bisexual or straight.)

When this new vocabulary came to light, I could finally attempt to put a name to myself, liking both men and women.

I accepted the term bisexual for myself at the ripe age of 11.

I didn’t plan on telling my parents. I never wanted to. They didnt have to know who I was imagining kissing, they didnt have to know who I had crushes on. To this day, I never planned on telling them until the day came that I would have to. As in, if the time came, I would tell them when I got engaged to a woman.

Throughout middle school, I was labeled bisexual. It just felt normal to like who I wanted to like, and the people I surrounded myself with accepted me. I guess I got lucky with that. Reaching into high school, I got my first serious woman x woman crush. Every single day, she’d come into class and I would just gush over her. She was gorgeous. And being honest, a ripe 13 year old me was in her scene phase, and this girl oozed alternative. She had a grunge look, part of her hair was dyed sea-foam green, and she was sweet and funny and kind. As far as I knew, she liked me back.

I remember my first Sadie Hawkins dance. I got with my school’s GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) Club and put together this whole thing where me and a couple friends made shirts that said “Will you go to Sadie Hawkins with me?” She said yes! but then later the dance was canceled and we just made other plans. As time went on, she led me on to thinking she liked me. I found out she didn’t and that she was wasting her time on me when she got with one of my guy friends.

This is when my chronic depression stepped its pussy up. Thank you Dan Howell for giving me that quote.

When I was 15, I moved to my small town a state over where I reside to this day. I was still labeling myself as bisexual. I met my first lesbian that year. (And yes, this was my first time meeting a lesbian. Im serious.) She became my best friend for the next 3 and a half years. She opened me to the world of different labels and helped me through finding out what I realized I truly was.

I was, and am, Pansexual. And a proud one at that. #PansexualPride.

I got my first serious girlfriend when I was 18. Or at least, I thought it was serious. I was head over heels for her. She claimed she was bisexual. [I say claimed because she admitted after we broke up that she was straight.]

Long story short, she used me to go to RenFest, then broke up with me a week later blaming her depression, then got with some dude a day later.

A couple of months later, I met a girl through an app called Amino. She was pansexual, like me, and we had a lot of the same interests. Only problem was that while I lived in Louisiana, she lived on an island off the coast of Florida.

Although our relationship didn’t last long, I added her because this was the first time in my entire life that I actually could see myself marrying a woman.

Let me explain.

Up until this point, I had only ever seen myself marrying a man. Yes, I had an attraction to women. Ive dated women, although not many, but never could see myself marrying any of them. Nothing wrong with that.

During this time, I cut my hair very short. Like, pixie-cut with an undercut. My intentions to cut it were that it’d be easier to put up into wigs when I cosplayed, and it’d be less to take care of and look good. We’ll come back to this later.

Directly after our 3 month anniversary, yes I do month anniversaries, I met my current girlfriend, Cole.

I swear, it was one of those moments where you see someone and you know they’re going to be in your life for years to come. [Fun fact - she told me that after she had met me for the first time, she joked with her friend that her and I “would have an August wedding” even though we barely had passed a few sentences between each other.] There’s just that feeling when you look someone in the eyes and know that there’s something special about them. Something you want - no, need - in your life, whether it’s to make a life-long decision or just to help you grow as a person.

I started dressing more comfortably. I no longer wore skirts or dresses. I wore jeans and t-shirts and hats and less makeup. I wore chains attached to my belt loops. All in all, I started looking more masculine, even though it was just me dressing comfortably. My job allowed it, I was earning the money to allow me to buy clothes like this. It made me happy. I started feeling more comfortable with more masculine terms rather than strictly feminine terms, ie. “mans, they, them, boy” etc. I wasn’t uncomfortable when someone said I looked like a boy, nor was I uncomfortable with my female body. I just didnt care. It wasnt insulting as I was raised to think it was. In fact, I encouraged it. I allowed - and still allow - people to think I was whatever gender they assigned me with. In all, I became Genderfluid. Gender Neutral, if you will.

Now, we’re going to back up just a tiny bit. Tee tiny, nothing big.

About a month before I met Cole, someone outted me to my mother. Keep in mind, I was never planning on coming out to her. My older sister is like me, Pansexual. She strives on the fact that she doesnt tell people she’s in a woman x woman relationship unless people directly ask. She doesnt label her sexuality. And I look up to her severely for that.

My mother is homophobic. She says she isn’t, and maybe she’s not, due to the fact she accepts my sister and her girlfriend, and hopes they get married someday. But for me, I was supposed to be the ray of hope. I was supposed to be blonde, straight, thin, cheerleading captain female who went to college and became highly successful. I wasn’t supposed to be the 5-foot-8, blue haired, overweight, artsy gender fluid kid she had who dropped out of high school, got their GED, and “doesnt show signs of responsibility” (- per my mother, who doesnt want to put me through college) kid she ultimately got.

Dressing how I felt was comfortable and loving who I wanted to love brought me hate from the one person who should love me unconditionally - my own mother. Most people were given hate by their peers, being called gay and butch. My hate was given from the person who gave me life. My mother has said that she regrets getting pregnant with me, and that she would’ve stopped after her first two kids. In fact, she had her tubes tied BEFORE she got pregnant with me. I was being born, with or without her consent. She has told me countless times that she feels like she failed as a parent due to the way I came out as an adult.

To this day, she tells me that I constantly look “too lesbian” or “too butch” and that I need to “go back to how I used to look”. She doesnt accept that I like women. She calls me a lesbian - and everyone knows that when you like both men and women, you’re very obviously not a lesbian. Ive told her countless times that I’m not a lesbian. But she never listens. She uses the term lesbian as anyone in middle school would use the word gay - as an insult.

It makes me confused. How could you raise your kid - which by the way, Im the first kid she raised on her own, her other two were raised with either my grandmother or the baby’s father - and tell them you’re disgusted by their happiness? How could you be okay with one pansexual daughter and hate the other?

(This next part might be TMI but it makes another avid point.)

How can you be okay with your daughter sending explicit pictures to a boy, but be disgusted by your daughter holding hands with a girl?

I still have to hide my relationship with Cole. It makes me sick to my stomach to not be able to say “Mom, this is my girlfriend.” with the girl I care ever so deeply for. I want to take her to family events and show her to the world, screaming at the top of my lungs that Cole is mine and mine alone.

Cole tells me that I’m an idiot when I get gushy. In fact, she’ll probably text me saying I made her cry (dont worry, its tears of love) if she gets to the end of this.

Cole is gorgeous. Even when I spend the night, and she’s got sleep in her eyes the next morning, teeth not yet brushed, hair a mess, making gross yawning faces, I still think she’s quite possibly the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. She’s always got me nonstop laughing, doubling over and straight up snorting sometimes. She’s caring and headstrong, not afraid to stand up for what she believes in.

I want to be able to show her off.

But I cant with a mother like mine.

So, long story short, I grew up in an accepting community. Fell hard for some men and some women. Grew up and realized who I was as a person. Found someone who accepts me through each and every questioning moment I have with myself. Yet, I cant show her off like the people around me all because of the one person who gave me life.

I guess you could say this is the end, but everyone knows its a To Be Continued. You just gotta roll with what life gives you, whether or not the people in your life are there to love you or hurt you.

If you got this far, I applaud and also thank you. I’m not able to rant to anyone like this, so if you took the time to read this, I appreciate it. No one wants to hear my story. If you do…

My name is Marley, and I am a Pansexual, Gender Neutral, KPop loving cosplayer who is not afraid to love who they want to love.

Thank you ♡

(Btw, sorry if I got off track towards the end. My mind wanders when telling stories. I wrote this on my phone so I’ll go back and add a “Keep Reading” thing if you’d rather just skip it.)