#Idk how commkn it is to think aboht this. Any guy friend i have either really want kids or are like 'well yeah getting a wife and some kids
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I'll probably never know if I actually don't want kids or if I'm just too scared about passing on bad genes and have them suffer and that's sad
#miranda talking shit#Idk i cant ever seperate it bc if i ever think id like to be a parent at some point i immediately think#About how big the chances are of me passing on my deppression/anxiety. Like i have asd and add and i think they cause a lot of problems#I still thinl my major anxiety and depression issues is my biggest concern. And the fact my mother have family history of bpd and#Schizofrenia and the unknown factor of my dads dad family history like mmm...#Bc i kinda wish i wasnt born in this world bc of my mental problems making it so hard. I dont think id ever forgive myself if#I had an child which had the same view as me bc of mental illness. Idk how high the chances are to pass on stuff like this#But like since i have so much to 'choose' from i feel like its at least 20%. And thats just with my gene pool#If the other parent also have mental health problems that would go up...#Yeah in my mid 20s and many of the girls in my age group is or have gotten kids and im like yea#Part of me would like to be a mom. Like id love the shit out of the kid and try to be the best parent i can#But i can never escape the real possibility of bringing a child into the world with same or similar mental issues i have#Im a guilt driven person and like that idea by itself makes me want to jump off a cliff lmao#So im uh... Maybe i want kids but i probably wont go through with it bc im terrified of the possilites#Idk how commkn it is to think aboht this. Any guy friend i have either really want kids or are like 'well yeah getting a wife and some kids#Is the plan i guess' and girl friends its either i dont want kids i hate them or the same 'yeah an husband and some kids is the plan'#If i ever did have a kid ill have to be with the most caring and calm guy lol. Otherwise id be too scared and deppressed about the#The idea of the worst happening. Its 3 am no idk why this is tonights subject but it is apparently
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