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#The idea of the worst happening. Its 3 am no idk why this is tonights subject but it is apparently
mrfoox · 2 years
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I'll probably never know if I actually don't want kids or if I'm just too scared about passing on bad genes and have them suffer and that's sad
#miranda talking shit#Idk i cant ever seperate it bc if i ever think id like to be a parent at some point i immediately think#About how big the chances are of me passing on my deppression/anxiety. Like i have asd and add and i think they cause a lot of problems#I still thinl my major anxiety and depression issues is my biggest concern. And the fact my mother have family history of bpd and#Schizofrenia and the unknown factor of my dads dad family history like mmm...#Bc i kinda wish i wasnt born in this world bc of my mental problems making it so hard. I dont think id ever forgive myself if#I had an child which had the same view as me bc of mental illness. Idk how high the chances are to pass on stuff like this#But like since i have so much to 'choose' from i feel like its at least 20%. And thats just with my gene pool#If the other parent also have mental health problems that would go up...#Yeah in my mid 20s and many of the girls in my age group is or have gotten kids and im like yea#Part of me would like to be a mom. Like id love the shit out of the kid and try to be the best parent i can#But i can never escape the real possibility of bringing a child into the world with same or similar mental issues i have#Im a guilt driven person and like that idea by itself makes me want to jump off a cliff lmao#So im uh... Maybe i want kids but i probably wont go through with it bc im terrified of the possilites#Idk how commkn it is to think aboht this. Any guy friend i have either really want kids or are like 'well yeah getting a wife and some kids#Is the plan i guess' and girl friends its either i dont want kids i hate them or the same 'yeah an husband and some kids is the plan'#If i ever did have a kid ill have to be with the most caring and calm guy lol. Otherwise id be too scared and deppressed about the#The idea of the worst happening. Its 3 am no idk why this is tonights subject but it is apparently
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artificialqueens · 4 years
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Pulling Leaves Off Trees, Chapter 1: Been Through the Wringer a Couple Times (Multi) - Sportkuras
Summary:
c’est bon: damnnn
c’est bon: wait. jan isnt your apartment near shea’s
human girl: @jansport spill
Jan could feel her stomach drop as she looked at the message.
“Oh, goddamn it.”
Or: The girls try to survive college, and everything else that comes with almost being an adult.
A/N: my first fic here on artificialqueens! i noticed that arent many college au’s and group chat fics of the s12 cast so i let myself be self-indulgent for once!! its unbeta’d so apologies lmao but you can talk to me here and you can find the ao3 link here! comment if you’d like!
***
Jan started her morning like almost every college student in their third year would: to be woken up by their alarm after a night of heavy drinking. She woke up with a start and groaned as Chromatica II started blaring from her phone, blindly reaching for it on her nightstand and peering at the time.
Damn. One in the afternoon, huh?
“Thank god I don’t have class today.” The blonde muttered as she checked her notifications: 7 from Twitter, 3 from Insta, and 1 from their group chat. She sat up from her bed and scrolled through the chat, trying to quell her pounding headache.
Bon Voy
Members: jaidaessencehall, heidininacloset, jansport, jackiecox, gigigoode, crystalmethyd, britafilter, dahliasin, nickydoll, aidenzhane, and widowvondu
lebron essence ball: okay so
lebron essence ball: me and shea are at the library rn and she’s complaining to me abt how she couldnt sleep right
lebron essence ball: and chile….it was bc someone was getting RAILED last night lmaooo
lebron essence ball: she said, and i quote, “the bitch had such a good time even I’M jealous”
c’est bon: damnnn
c’est bon:wait. jan isnt your apartment near shea’s
human girl: @jansport spill
human girl: also
human girl: feels weird that we didn’t start this day with a good morning announcement from jan
c’est bon: the vibes were off 😞
Jan could feel her stomach drop as she looked at the message, “Oh, goddamn it.” She’s now acutely aware of their apartment door opening and Rock’s footsteps padding from outside her room, most likely just coming home from her class. She suddenly remembered exactly what happened last night; most especially memories of what happened between her and her roommate . Memories of them being drunk as hell, coming back to their apartment from god knows how many bars, going to Jan’s room giggling like teenagers on a sleepover and well. You know.
Jan checked her phone again.
lebron essence ball: jannette….would you happen to know who was the lucky gal? 👀
backpack backpack: good morning to you too gigi 🙄
human girl: *Afternoon, actually
human girl: Now spill! I know you know almost everyone on that floor.
She pinched the bridge of her nose. How in the hell was she gonna say that her and Rock got drunk and hooked up as casually as possible? She could lie, but Jaida, Brita and Widow could smell bullshit coming from a mile away, and she’s a horrible liar. They’d know she was bluffing.
Might as well get it over it. She let out a sigh as she typed out a message, hoping that it was only Jaida, Nicky and Gigi who were online.
backpack backpack: haha yeah so um
backpack backpack: that was me & rock actually
Even though no one could see her, Jan hid her face behind her hands, bracing for the worst. Several dings!  had come from her phone as soon as she sent the message. Of course it wasn’t only Jaida, Nicky and Gigi who were online.
cox destroyers: Oh my god.
Jan’s eyes widened when she saw Jackie reply, although she’s not quite sure why she was panicking about Jackie knowing about her hook up with Rock in the first place. All she knows is that she’s gonna have to face Jackie (and everyone else, for that matter,) later.
sin city: ohhh bitch—
c’est bon: you and ROCK???
dom top: !!!
dom top: idk who Rock is but get it sister
backpack backpack: Thank you! Thank you, Heidi. It’s like you’re the only one who’s not acting weird right now.
c’est bon: lmao heidi
c’est bon: she’s jans roommate
human girl: Janice Elizabeth Sport.
von du for two: not this shit again i swear to god
tap water: Jan.
tap water: You know that I love you
tap water: BUT WILL YOU PLEASE STOP SLEEPING WITH YOUR ROOMMATES
Jan rolled her eyes at the messages, wanting the ‘news’ to be over as soon as possible. “And they say I’m the dramatic one.” She huffed as she quickly typed on her phone again.
backpack backpack: okay can y’all chill 🙄
backpack backpack: we just got drunk and slept together, that’s all.
backpack backpack: tell shea im sorry though xxxx @jaidaessencehall
lebron essence ball: bitch you know it ain’t about having a drunk hookup with someone
lebron essence ball: its about the fact that you banged your roommate AGAIN
backpack backpack: oh COME ON
backpack backpack: this was just the second time!!
backpack backpack: and lemon’s with priyanka now!!!
von du for two: girl you & lemon were fucking almost every week i can’t with u
von du for two: going at it like rabbits while we were outside your apartment getting ready to watch glee :/
tap water: and, frankly, i don’t want to come up to your apartment to run lines with you if i have to hear y’all fooling around. my good, christian ears have heard enough.
She felt her face heat up in embarrassment.
backpack backpack: oh my god can you guys please shut up!!!!
backpack backpack: it’s not gonna happen again bc it was a one time thing
backpack backpack: i promise
human girl: [dwayne the rock johnson voice] are you sure about that?
backpack backpack: yes georgina goode i am 100% sure
Jan bit her lip as she looked up at the door to her room. Okay, she’s not 100% sure, but not because she regretted it or anything. As much as her brain was allowing her to remember, last night was good. Great, even. But between auditions, college, and working in the café, her love life (or lack thereof) is on pause for now. Besides, it’s not like anyone has been actively pursuing her, or vice versa.
But it wouldn’t hurt to ask Rock, right?
Sighing in defeat, Jan quickly got up from her bed with her phone still in her hand (as much as her hangover allowed her), left her room and knocked on her roommates door, hoping that she wasn’t busy. She heard a faint “come in!” from the other side and opened the door softly.
“Hey, roomie.” She joked.
Rock looked up from her drawing tablet and slipped off the headphones from her ears. “Glad to see you’re finally awake, and here I thought you were a morning person.” Rock’s room was a mess of color and paraphernalia; while Jan’s was strictly purple, pop culture, and musical theater, hers was an array of figurines and albums on the shelves, kpop & anime posters tacked on the wall behind her bed reaching up to the ceiling, and a somewhat decent gaming setup in the corner of her room. Crystal and Nicky would be proud.
Jan rolled her eyes, “Yeah, well, last night was something,” She slightly cleared her throat at the mention of last night. “Also, about last night…”
Rock raised her brow, “Go on?”
“It was a one time thing, right?” Jan furrowed her brows in question, “I mean, last night was amazing , as much my brain is allowing me to remember. And you’re hot, so, I’m not complaining. Really dig the anime e-girl vibe, and I’m sure anyone would tap that ass! I mean, I did, but I’m just—”
“—Not looking for anything right now?” Rock cut her off, saving Jan from turning into a hungover, rambling mess.
She let out a sigh of relief, sitting on her roommates bed and putting her phone down, “Yeah, doll. Just been really busy right now, y’know? 3rd year isn’t a joke.”
The pink-haired girl let out a snort, “Oh, I know the feeling. And don’t worry, I wasn’t looking for anything either, and while last night was fun,” She looked at her pointedly, and Jan was calm enough to actually smirk at the incident between the two, “I’d much rather have you as my friend than as my fuck buddy, because you are loud , girl!”
Jan shrieked at that, “Oh my god, shut up!” She threw a pillow at Rock’s head while the girl let out a cackle, “My friends were on my ass about that too, some friends they are.”
“Wait, you told your friends about that? Aren’t you friends with Nicky?”
Jan huffed, “Mama, more like I was forced to tell them. Jaida’s friend, Shea—whose apartment is next to ours, by the way—was complaining to her about how she couldn’t sleep last night because of, um, my tendency to be vocal.”
“You’re welcome, by the way.”
“Rotted bitch!” Jan threw another pillow at Rock, this time missing because the girl was doubled over in laughter, “I can’t believe you! The disrespect, really. I shouldn’t be taking this from you, I still have a shift to do at 3.”
“But you took it from me real good last night, so,” this time Rock shielded her face as Jan threw pillow after pillow at her, trying to speak through her laughter, “Okay, okay! I give, I give! I’m sorry, mom!”
“Bitch! I can be a top if I want to!” Jan exclaimed in mock offense. As their laughter subsided, the blonde suddenly had an idea, “Oh! What if I invite you over for dinner?”
Rock smirked, “One: we’re roommates. It’s not really inviting me to dinner if we eat in the same room. And two: I thought you said you weren’t looking for anything?”
“I mean dinner with my friends, gorg. All 11 of us eat together at least once a week, this time we’re gonna crash at Heidi, Jaida and Brita’s. Maybe you wanna come and meet them? I know you and Nicky know each other somehow, so it wouldn’t be too awkward, right?”
“Introducing me to the family already? Ain’t that a bit too early for you, Ms. Sport?”
“More like introducing you to a bunch of kindergartners,” Jan muttered as she checked her phone for any new notifications, “But yeah, I want them to know you as my roommate and friend , not as my roommate who I slept with.”
Bon Voy
dom top: okay so jans sex life aside
dom top: y’all are still coming over tonight?
sin city: yes girl!! college sucks ass sm i need to eat my feelings
c’est bon: wouldn’t miss it for the world mon ami xoxo
cox destroyer: I’m gonna be a little late! I just have to return and borrow some stuff in the library.
human girl: can we please order pizza hut <3
lebron essence hall: no <3
von du for two: we are going to order dominoes like civilized people
human girl: ugh fine, all of you have 0 taste
human girl: crys said yes btw she just has class right now
tap water: aiden said she’s gonna come too, she just can’t message the chat bc she’s still in her shift
Jan grinned at Brita’s message, finally getting the chance to steer the conversation away from her.
backpack backpack: So if she can’t message the chat because of her shift, why’s she messaging you, miss brittany filter?? 👀
Jan can feel Brita’s eye roll from miles away.
tap water: She speaks!
tap water: And don’t act like this conversation isn’t over, Miss Janice Sport. You have a lot of explaining to do.
“So, are ya gonna introduce me as your forbidden, but passionate lover? Whose romance was short-lived, yet wild, fiery and unforgettable?”
Now it was Jan’s turn to let out a cackle as she left Rock’s room, “More like my chaotic mess of a roommate who farted herself awake!”
This time it was Rock’s turn to gasp in offense, “That was one time and you fucking know it! And my answer is yes, by the way!”
Jan sent a message to the chat before grabbing her towel and putting her phone away to take a shower.
backpack backpack: oh btw i’m inviting rock to hang out with us!!! I promise she’s super fun and that we’re just roommates and see y’all soon please dont kill me or make it awkward with rock xxxx
tap water: are you
tap water: kidding me.
von du for two: oh for the love of GOD
***
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tylerwritez · 3 years
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Tuesday, june 22 2021
I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.
Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.
He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.
Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...
Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.
One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube
Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.
Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.
It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.
Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.
Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)
I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.
I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay  which is apparently really good
Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....
Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces
Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.
In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.
Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.
The time is 3:22 p.m.
Wish me. Luck.
Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.
I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.
But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.
XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.
Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!
Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend
A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!
Also I might eat her out XD
Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.
I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.
Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....
Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home
Oh wait no now we r goin home
Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.
I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?
Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.
Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.
Yeah I'm cheesy.
I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.
I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.
Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.
Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.
I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...
I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.
If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.
Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪  like whatever lol
Anwyays I'm fucked up
You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?
Convoluted? Is that the word?
Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"
I do Suspect things, though.
I can make a list
Maybe I shouldn't.
Maybe I will.
I shouldnt.
Whatever.
I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone  talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.
I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.
My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.
I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...
And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.
That's also the CEN.
I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.
Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.
Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough
My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.
And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."
Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.
Because I'm not used to that...
Because CEN
I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.
I should kill myself.
I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.
I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.
I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.
DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...
Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?
Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.
But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.
I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.
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tslasvegas · 3 years
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Episode 3: “UGH just rename Luxor to Loser” - Xavier
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Well... that takes care of the Timmy problem... Love Timmy... Just didn’t know how our dynamic would be cus he was runner-up to the last survivor game I played which I won. Hm... Well...
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That went well. There's nothing like a live video tribal to get people together. and stephen didn't react too badly. but i know now he won't work with me moving forward
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I’m sorry I’m terrible at confessionals... So things are going well, I think we have a decent tribe but it is too soon to tell. I’m not a huge fan of creative challenges, at least from my previous game, I guess we will see how that goes. Most of the guys seem nice, still trying to feel everyone out.`
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A 4-2 vote off is interesting. Someone is on the bottom for sure. Also, this next challenge is a creative challenge and when I do these solo I usually do really well. Hopefully I can channel that energy into a win for us here because two tribes are going to tribal. We’ll be down to 17 after this, so I’m not sure if we’d go into a tribe swap yet? Maybe 2 tribes of 8 with one person sitting out? 
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Oh hot dang, two tribes are going to tribal next time. Probably going to be us :( now it is time to make alliance chats!
....five seconds later
I suspect that after this double vote out that there will be a tribe swap. I hope I end up with Mo and Jaiden at least.
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https://drive.google.com/file/d/17NPxKO_TKgqjNqsaWlbmlL0jgU36Aygi/view?usp=drivesdk
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I really like this challenge. I feel confident about it but at the same time nervous that 2 tribes will be going to tribal. I really hope my tribe wins this one since I still don't know how the tribe feels about me. Wish me luck guys!
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My tribe is not going to win this immunity challenge. Our nightclub is due just hours away and we have little nothing done. I am going to have to scramble soon.....I did nothing to help my tribe with the challenge, so if it is me that goes, I would understand 
....five seconds later
Honestly, I want to keep Jaiden and Mo around because I feel closer with them than anyone else. I want to keep Kailyn around because she seems to make time for challenges. Everyone else I am okay with going home, Ben hasn't really done anything soooooo maybe him? Oof
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If we lose, then it's 2/3rds my fault and 1/3 Stephen. We better not be on the chopping block if we do lose. This is a two person Tribe as of now. Bobby Jon and Stephenie.
...five seconds later
UGH just rename Luxor to Loser
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Second we lose Ben finally responded to my pm’s..... hm..... alright....
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Y’all rlly won with a PowerPoint SKDJDJSKLALALL
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Some of these guys have an excuse for not giving input into the challenge. Some do not. If I go home because some americans could be bothered doing some base level discussion, ill be annoyed. If I go home because a tribe threw a challenge because they thought id be an easy vote, ill be pissed.
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All that hard work that went into this challenge really paid off! We scored the best and don’t have to attend tribal!! Which is absolutely exciting! Andrew told me he wanted to work together which is rad. Livingston and I want to work together which is radder. And Joey and i want to work together which is raddest. I haven’t spoken too much with Jeff lately even though we talked quite a bit early on. Pat and I speak occasionally. Stephanie and I didn’t really speak at all until recently but we’ve gotten into a good groove the last few days. I’m feeling pretty good about this game so far. I hope there’s no tribal swap or anything right away.
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So when I get my chip total I'm gonna update Keegan. He is currently at a soap making class but I want him to know I am serious about working with him in this game and I think this is a good gesture. - keegan has let me know he has 4 chips and is willing to pool them over to me when we have enough so that we can unlock the store. I let him know I am okay with doing the same thing to him, whichever. But yes this is looking HOT for me. - "what's in the store?" | all i can really assume is advantages. we need 10 chips to unlock it. This is very similar to the Unnamed Season but the betting cap gives us more control. At this point, I don't think anyone can mathematically unlock without pooling chips. Keegan and I just need 1 more chip between us. Let's just hope we aren't separated by a swap or some shit. I am hoping for a bit more time on this amazing tribe to get that set up so I have a good idea of what the store holds.
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Some of these guys have an excuse for not giving input into the challenge. Some do not. If I go home because some americans could be bothered doing some base level discussion, ill be annoyed. If I go home because a tribe threw a challenge because they thought id be an easy vote, ill be pissed.
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We lost again!?!?!?!?!??! I am so surprised? Nah I'm kidding, but I don't care. I don't blame our team for losing because 3/5 of us were panicking because our president could be a cheetoh. I'm voting Stephen tonight, I hope the others follow suit. It SHOULD be simple, but 9 hours is a long time for Survivor; and if he knows it's him then might run around and create some chaos - which would be funny.
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Rachael (love her she’s probably who I’m closest with along with DeNara and Kailyn) is not being subtle about the fact that she either has a pre-existing friendship with Ben or is currently aligned with Ben. Because Ben, from my knowledge has not been social with anyone, nor has he been super active and in our alliance chat with Kailyn, Rachael seems uncomfortable with the fact that Ben is said to be the vote and is saying she would prefer someone else to go. But like c’mon you can’t deny he hasn’t been social, and even if I had a friendship with somebody before a game, if they aren’t active I’m voting them out. Also I lied to my tribe a couple times this round because I’m lazy.
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UGH. We LOST the challenge!!! And it wasn't even close *grumbles angrily* But it's okay. I'm gonna have to work my pussy out to this entire tribe to make them keep me around! I feel pretty good about this, I believe the target is leaning towards Ben but we'll have to wait and see. I don't think it's possible rn but I'm hoping for a swap soon so I can feel a little more re-energized in this game because my tribe has been super quiet lately... I think people will try to move the vote around so I'm going to use my current lack of employment as an opportunity to make myself stay alive on this tribe lmao
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These guys are being super boring and either Jake is dumber than i thought, or shadier than i gave him credit for. Xavier might be trying to play me but regardless its doubtful ill stay. John seems to have the most chance of winning out of these four as hes not overplaying. Kevin hasnt spoken to me since the colin vote and it pisses me off that I might be going home after being one of two people that worked on the challenge when kevin was taken off the chopping block immediately for playing jeopardy. i hate this tribe.
....five seconds later
Johns out, Jake too by the sound of it. Time for plan B, which never works but might as well try. Fake idol time.
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Oof well the uhh, “obvious friend group” has picked their target and it just so happens to be the only person I’ve made an actual alliance with :/ Poor DeNara. I really didn’t want to have to vote her off this early if I didn’t have to and then the worst part is she didn’t even hear it from me. Nobody is even mentioning game right now and Rachael is acting legitimately surprised to me when I came to her saying “okay this is an easier vote than I thought”.. even tho Ben claimed he had already talked to her..?? Idk man I must’ve done something wrong along the way but these people LEGITIMATELY don’t talk to me. My instant reaction is leaning towards being bitter but bitterness doesn’t really get me anywhere :/ I feel kinda.. out of it rn emotionally just because of everything else I have going on so if I seem more reserved tonight at tribal than usual, that’s why. I just hope that I’m not still stuck on that damn mountain rolling my dumbass rock back up only to get knocked back down again. I’m remaining optimistic for the future.. let’s keep winning some challenges mmkay
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Okay good news, I shouldn't be leaving. But that being said DeNara, you have goT TO PULL. YOURSELF. TOGETHER. She's packing her bags and from my knowledge she's going to be fine tonight. Hopefully it'll be Ben who's going but DeNara giving up like this isn't helPING. 
....five seconds later
Also I am in two alliances which is cool I guess.
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Oops....... and now I'm controlling this vote I think :) It feels good. I don't know what my plan is !! I'm lying to everyone. I basically put myself in a position to be the 4th person in both votes and I love it so much. I keep telling ppl I'm an emotional mess and I think I'll milk that because SOMEONE is going to get betrayed tonight... love that for me. Rachael, Nik, and Ben want to vote out DeNara Mo, Kailyn, and DeNara want to vote out Ben And tbh I would prefer Rachael or Nik!! Since neither of those things are happening I guess it's up to me to decide which way I wanna swing... I hate/love myself for this. I think there are good cases for both people to leave, because I think that getting rid of DeNara strengthens bonds I never had with Rachael and co. while getting rid of Ben just makes me their enemy. Honestly I am starting to lean towards getting rid of DeNara for that sole purpose alone. It'll be messy for sure. Ben provides NOTHING to the game right now and I hate the fact that he announced in his intro that he's just here to backstab people... but villains don't win unless they're sitting next to another villain. He's the goat to me and Rachael right now, but pretty homos like me always win xx I might regret this decision down the road but HOPEFULLY whichever side I take will pay me back in protection down the line. I think I have the charm to smooth shit over w Kailyn and Mo but its up for determination. I think that I have the finesse to beat Rachael in a vote, too, but I don't want to put her back up against the wall just yet..... ;) Anyways... I hope this isn't my last confessional. I wasn't having fun until I found my place. Let's get it on.
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It is me or Ben tonight. Guess we will find out who...
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burnedbyshoto · 5 years
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if you sent any asks (recommendations for things don’t count as I have to look around!) since october 17 until october 22 it is in here :)
anon said: The header for your askbox response post is *aesthetic*. I think it’s a really good idea to post one every few days if you have the time. ❤️
well, thANK YOUUUUU!!!!! I put in a whopping 10 minutes into it because I had no idea what I was doing! i’ll definitely be doing asks this way now though.
big dick kiri anon said: !!!!!! ILY HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY PLS HYDRATE 💙💙❤️❤️ -bigdickkiri
Omg love! Please don’t worry about kinktober just breathe! Take your time and try to relax 💙❤️- bigdickkiri
DAMN, that is a LOT. Please look after yourself and don't stress about it love!! - bigdickkiri
I'm very excited. BUT PLEASE LOOK AFTER YOURSELF, DO NOT FORCE ANY OF THIS OMG - bigdickkiri
AHH, AMAZING, TALENTED SWEETHEART, GORGEOUS LOVE, HAVE A INCREDIBLE DAY AND HYDRATE - bigdickkiri
I believe I did have a good day, and I am actually super bad at hydrating, buT ILL TRY TO GET BETTER!!!!
I am breathing!!!! JUSTTT BREATHEEEE!!! I am taking my time now and relaxing to the best of my ability :D thank you so much bdk I love you with all my soul
theres always a lot, but if im not doing a lot I dont do anything so on one hand.... it’s okay LMAO but I will continue to try and not stress :D
BDK I WOULD NEVER WANT TO MAKE YOU THINK IM FORCING THIS OUT OF MEEEE ILL TRY MY BEST TO MAKE YOU PROUD
GHSOGHJIAORGJRGIRAHG YOURE AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, TERRIFIC, INCREDIBLE!!!!!!! YOU HYDRATE AND MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU
@bread-theduck​ said: We love you and support you ❤ dont push yourself, your mental health is so much more important that kinktober haha. Take all the time you need, we're right here and open if you wanna talk~
I don’t really try to push myself... it just happens subconsciously D: but thank you for the love and support!!!! my mental health is stronger than I give it credit though
anon said: listen! we all appreciate you and your writing dearly but! I think we can all agree that we want you to be okay mentally and physically before you make yourself write! kinktober can wait! you’re more important!! at the very least, pls take a break for tonight.
I honestly can’t even remember when i said I was tired, but thank you for your kind words regardless!!!! I am trying to get better at it because i don’t want to disappoint you guys D:
@saintbullet​ said: Please take care of yourself!!! DONT risk your health for writing. We care about you so much! Be careful 💕💕💕
I know I push myself a lot, and i’m really sorry for scaring you all!!!! I am trying though, and it just has a lot to do with my mental fatigue and that im judging some hard classes right now then it has to do with anything
anon said: hey it'll be alright! idk whats wrong but i promise everything will work out like its supposed to! you just take care of yourself and take as much time as you need to feel better!! we love u!! ♥️
It wAS MY PERIOD I REMEMBER NOW AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I LOVE YOU TOOOOOOOO WITH ALL THE LOVE MY HEART POSSES!!!!!!
anon said: periods can be a pain so pls take care of yourself!! drink lots of water and rest up!!!
my period is the worst, if she was a person i’d block her and avoid her irl!!!!!!!!
anon said: Lol ok so gay for Mina anon back and no, I was not the anon who requested it. But lmao, let me take this time to whole heartedly thank that anon for quenching my thirst anyways
oh whoops, sorry for thinking you were someone else D: iM GLAD TO SEE THAT YOU WERE HAPPY WITH IT!!! READER WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BAD GUY BUT I COULDN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE IT WORK LMAO
anon said: I am just planning on hanging out and reading all the lovely writing that comes from this
i’m pretty sure this is about my nsfw/sfw headcanons, and honestly im sooo very excited to start working on them!!!!!!!!
anon said: you have no idea how happy I got when I saw u posted for mina like UGH MY WIFE I LOVE HER SO MUCH 🥺🥺🥺 N GIVING US GAYS AMAZING CONTENT UR AMAZING MWAH MWAH KEEP BEING THE PERFECT ANGEL U ARE 🥺🥺💞💗💖💕💓💝
AHHHHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT MINA IS LIKE MY FAV CLASS 1-A GIRL SO I LOVE HER SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHH YOURE AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU AND YOURE AN ANGEL!!!!!!!
many a anons said: Sorry I didn’t see the part where you said not to request characters that were already on the list I thought that was the list of character we could vote for.
so sorry I accidentally sent a character in that has already been requested, Tumblr didn't show me the follow up posts ;;
nooo I didn’t see the list I’m so sorry 😭😭😭
LOL ITS OKAYYYY. y’all were hoes and kept sending me shouto who I couldn’t even think about deleting from my list... so... you are lucky >:(
anon said: hello! not a request here but take care of yourself anc stay hydrated bb 🥰🥰
I got my water right next to me rn bby :D
anon said: be todoroki’s girlfriend
bitch I am todorokis WIFE, why would I need to dress up???
@girl-with-a-mentality​ said: You can be todoroni for Halloween.
....you right...
anon said: Thirst post infoo ;3 I found a doujinshi of Bakugo being teased and toyed with sexually with by Ochako, Yaomomo, and our lovely momma Mina
...send it
anon said: GIRLLLLLL
ANONNNNNNNNNNNNN ;)
local dumbass anon said: local dumbass is here once again, i thiink you know who i am and might've found my ig buuuuuut..?
uh.... I don’t know???????? I only followed people on insta if you gave me your handle or followed me first.... also did you cut your bangs?
anon said: Your Monoma scenario was really good!If we’re being honest, though, Monoma would literally start foaming at the mouth if he saw anyone from 1-A making physical contact with his s/o, ESPECIALLY Bakugou. They would have to call animal control because there would be a rabid Monoma in the dorms lol
okay... while you’re not wrong, I just thought 18 year old monoma should have grown up just the tiniest bit! plus his obsession is controlled because of his insecurity so LMAO IDK I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE UGH
@awkward-theaterkid​ said: I was reading your Day 19 Fic but I couldnt take it seriously, the title "My Way" kept reminding me of the Backstreet Boys "I want it that way" and it keeps popping up while I read it 😂
as someone who only heard that song because of b99 I read this and immediately thought of b99 LMAOOOOO
🍒💥anon said: URGENT PSA: LYSSA IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AND I LOVE HER -🍒💥
Hello Queen Lyssa, I finally read "And They Were Roommates" and have absolutely no idea why I put it off so long! ITS A MASTERPIECE. Each chapter is addictive and the slow burn and angst destroyed me 😭 The smut in the final chapter is flawless and sooooooooooooooooooo H O T. Shoto wasnt even my favorite character but he might have to be now (or at least in my top 3) 😰 This is my new favorite series and I cant wait to re-read it!!!! YOURE AMAZING AND ILY. You own my soul now -🍒💥
URGENT PSA I LOVE YOU CHERRY EXPLOSION AND YOURE AMAZING :D
ATWR holds a special place in my heart uwu.... HAOGHIOSRGSIOGJSIHG THANK YOU!!!!! SHOUTO IS AN AMAZING CHARACTER WHO I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEARRTTTTTT
~ thank you to @didyoumeanme​, @kittenlordofdarkness​, @soafers​ for submitting memes and animal pics for my rommate, much appreciated :D ~
anon said: Did the local dumbass anon ever cut their bangs? Do you know?
....I dont know, but I just asked her rn >:)
this paragraph is dedicated to those surrounding to the meltdown mess that occurred yesterday. to each and every one of you who sent me kind words via my askbox or directly contacting me, thank you. I really want to move past this because I feel by holding on it will make me feel less inclined to write because of my guilt. of course, I do not expect you to forgive me, or trust me in my story of how it went down, because at the end of the day it was my mistake for trusting in someone to write with pure intentions when I didn’t know if she could. im trying to continue on with my best foot forward and im grateful for those of you who trusted in me. I swear I will never push myself again, and that I will instead take my time in order to publish my original work and only my original work and not take anything that comes from a “friend”. know that I love you all, and I dont know how to take it easy so my break lasted a whooping 10 hours, and my blog won’t discontinue until im done with bnha or...I get into medschool which is still 3 years away, I am taking care of myself, im staying hydrated, im trying not to put myself down anymore, I will keep going, & will forever continue to be more careful with what I post. also, no one was really coming for me, so don’t worry if you thought so lol. (to you 9 anons who expressed their kind thoughts to me, thank you. to big dick kiri anon thank you. to @bqkubabey​, @flayvus​, & @ultimate-shit-poster​ thank you so so much you really helped me not drown myself in my own guilt.)
anon said: i hope you’re feeling okay today :((
I am feeling a lot better. unfortuantely I did make myself really sick yesterday because ive never been as stressed in my life ever, but im okay now. there’s nothing I can do more for what happened so I will try to continue on as best as I can and I appreciate you caring... ilysm :)
@ikinabi​ said: Your writing??? Actually god sent 🥵👌 and the way you write Mirio gets me GOING
BAHAHAH NOOOOO ITS NOT PLAFUAOGHJIPRAHAR MY MIRIO PIECE YOU LIKED WAS MY FIRST PIECE ON HIM AND OOO BOY I DID NOT DO HIM JUSTICE
anon said: fuck buddy iida is a thought that has never crossed my mind but now that i’ve seen your post i am intrigued haha
well... it is up :) if you wanna check her out :)
anon said: You dont have to answer if you dont wanna but i just wanna see if your okay. I hope your end your doing well and not stressing.
i’m doing much better than I was yesterday!!! I just needed to rest and calm down and stop attacking myself. thank you for checking in!!! it means so much :,)
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endlessgreysky · 5 years
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August 10, 2.04 am
Fun thing about ptsd is that my brain protects itself from things, until it doesn’t. A lot has happened recently and I went numb for actual weeks, and I just had a tiny moment where I felt a tiny emotion and suddenly every emotion just rushed into the crack so quickly I had a panic attack.
Lost one of my friends. Out of everyone I’m friends with she’s the one I’d expect it from, she’s the one who’s problematic enough on her own that I honestly didn’t feel anything but rage at what happened. Then I felt nothing, and I felt a little weird and bad for it but it was more important how my friends were feeling anyway. The drama is between my best friend and her, so I’m just here being pissed because my best friend is my person and I’m wildly overprotective of her. But my other friend is like the ex-friend’s person, so it’s awkward bc she’s going to keep being friends with all of us and she just wants us to work it out. She talked to me about it yesterday and I’ve just been thinking about it ever since. The first thing I did when the drama happened was remove her from social media everywhere so she can’t contact me without it being a “request” so that I can choose whether or not I engage. Thinking back I’m just beating myself up because I’m so used to dealing with drama that I never stopped to think if that was the best idea in this situation. And it’s not like I’m super excited or ready or willing to let her even a tiny bit back into my life, but in all honesty everything I feel towards her regards what happens with my best friend, so if they work things out I’ll still have removed her everywhere. I guess I got so used to losing friends and everything being impermanent that it took me this long to realize the friends I’m losing now are the ones I’d started to consider family.
I’m pissed at her, a part of me hates her, a part of me never wants to even look at her face again, but it hurts. It’s just this nagging ache that I felt when I realized that she was my family for awhile and I just shattered a part of my family since she’ll always be around as long as my other friend is. And that ache is what let in all of my other feelings as something besides my numb depressed state.
My mom had someone she loved die today and threw herself into a dinner with my dads shitty fucking family right after. They condescended her because that’s what they do, they condescended me because they think she doesn’t know how to raise me, and honestly I just hate being around them and it was in the house I grew up in and it was just really uncomfortable. Not to mention that my dad exists to make me miserable. But my mom thought things were going really well and she was actually feeling great when we went home, only to find that my cousin posted the picture she took while my mom watched her take it, and tagged everyone in it except my mom. And it made my mom upset and excluded and all of those feelings which made me really upset bc no one gets to ever fucking make my mother feel that way. She deserves better. Quite honestly, I deserve better, but I don’t care enough about myself for that.
My two best friends in the entire world deserve better too. The one I talked about earlier has a lot of dumb family drama and it’s been a hell of a lot worse lately, and there’s nothing real I can do to help her besides talk about how nice it’ll be when we have an apartment together. It’s not very reassuring since I don’t even have a job yet. And her birthday is coming soon and her family is just remaining shitty as if she’s not about to turn eighteen which should be huge and exciting. And my other best friend goes through a lot and I just can only help her so much through text but she lives in another country so there’s literally nothing more I can do to help her. It’s the worst feeling in the world, to want to fix something or help someone and literally being unable to do it.
I’m really lonely. I still haven’t told my mom about my ptsd and I’ve kind of been closed off because I don’t want to tell her anymore. My best friend lives in another country, my other has a job, and my only other real friend now is moving into a dorm soon. Those are my people and they’re amazing people and I love them with everything in me but it’s just like, there’s something missing. I guess I was really in love with this guy that broke my heart and it’s not even him anymore, it’s just that I miss that feeling. I’m tired of being alone. And almost all of my trauma is from my ex, so being in a healthy relationship is literally the only thing that works best to heal and shit bc it replaces the bad memories with good ones. My therapist says if I do that enough it should blot them out a lot, and it’s worked so fucking well with my friends that I’m just dying for it to happen romantically. I’ve been having more flashbacks and nightmares again bc my ex is back in town and it’s just looming over my head. And just bc all of my mental health is getting worse. And I have a lot of methods to cope now that are helping, but there was something about my recent ex that just helped. Like, I had a flashback once and he wrapped his arm around me and that was all it took to calm me down. It was just the feeling of being with someone in that way that was safe and comfortable and it was something I’d never felt before and idk if I’m a junkie for it or if I miss it or what but I don’t know how to really get better without that happening. And it’s going to take so much time for that to actually be able to happen again and it’s just killing me ig. I’ve also jumped into this self destructive state where I’ve convinced myself that I want or even need to see my ex again for like closure or some bullshit, as if I don’t know the fucking panic I would go through even if we stayed forty feet away from each other the entire time.
My life has gotten so quiet and depressed recently that I’ve stopped listening to music most of the time, which is like ridiculously sad. And concerning. Music is literally the thing in this world that means the most to me that I care the most about and I just don’t fucking care about it right now. I don’t feel like I have the mental energy. I have no idea why or what’s wrong with me but you know what? It’s terrifying me.
I’ve been drowning all of my problems in fanfiction like nobody’s business. It’s wildly problematic bc I’m burying my feelings, I’m not doing anything bc on the days I don’t read all day I’m sleeping all day bc I read all night. I haven’t written anything for my novel in a month now and I’m very aware of it but I couldn’t be bothered to work on it, which is bad bc I’m about two weeks away from missing my second goal for it and I’ll beat myself up a lot once I start having feelings again. (Funnily enough I’m going numb again now that I’m getting all of my emotions out here.) I’ve deadass cancelled plans with myself and other people to read the fanfiction. And like it’s great fucking fanfiction but it’s getting far passed even the term unhealthy. In fact, I literally started crying during my panic attack earlier because I’d convinced myself Wade Wilson was so real that when reality hit I couldn’t handle it. It’s like I was using Wade comforting Peter (Parker, its Spideypool) as my own emotional comfort in that kind of relationship way I’ve been missing. And even knowing he’s not real I’ve been taking a lot of comfort knowing he would beat the shit out of my ex if he ever met him. But yeah I’ve been channeling myself through their relationship and living through it and it’s been one of my most incredible acts of escapism yet, and then I realized I don’t actually have someone to hold me when I break and reality crashed onto me so much fucking harder. And I think it’s also that I know Wade’s character enough to trust him and so I’ve become a fictional characters emotional leech and I let it get so intense unintentionally that I literally couldn’t handle the reality that didn’t have him in it. This kind of makes me sound crazy lmao. Funnily enough, I used to have breakdowns like this a lot whenever I got way too into my escapism. But usually it was just a lot of sadness - the only other time I had one at this level was when I started to realize that my entire fantasy universe wasn’t going to come to life when I grew up. Basically, I had a very intense childhood but like fuck i was lonely back then and I guess I must be that lonely now. At least this time I’m creating fake significant others instead of having only imaginary friends.
My therapist and I haven’t been able to meet much over the summer and it’s been enough for me to pull back and make my issues seem better than they are, which is probably a lot of the reason I’m suddenly a fucking mess. Luckily for me, she’s gone this week so I won’t get to see her 🙃. But anyway, I think I got everything out and I definitely feel like this helped. I needed to vent in a way I haven’t done in a while. I’ve also been being misgendered a LOT on my recent trips and it’s all by family which affects me worse bc they know my identity and don’t work to correct themselves. So that’s not helping. And it might be almost 3 am now but I’m definitely diving straight back into fanfiction for awhile longer before going to bed. I can admit I’ve taken it way over the top but escapism is my bitch for a reason and I’m not giving up on it now. I think I am gonna try to make some sort of note for my therapist so that I don’t keep talking about my issues like they’re better than they are. I always do it but with her it’s a problem lmao. Oh, I’m also avoiding sleep tonight bc I don’t want nightmares. So there’s that gem. I turn 18 in 15 days and I’ve stopped making plans bc I literally don’t care anymore. Taking stock on the things I’ve stopped caring about, I’m literally a huge fucking mess and I didn’t even realize. Oh! And I’ve also started having a lot of self esteem issues bc it’s hot outside and my stretch marks on my thighs show with my shorts on. That hasn’t been a problem for me in years.
Anyway, I think I’m finally done now. I seriously doubt anyone read all the way through this long ass vent, but on the off chance that you did, thank you for your time. I really appreciate it. I hope you’re having a better time than I am, you deserve all of the good things and I hope you’re getting all of them and more. Please have a good morning, day, or night. Stay hydrated and do something nice for yourself bc you deserve it! All my love 💕
Chris xx
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survivor-rotuma · 5 years
Text
Ep. 1: “She reeks of minions” - Apollo
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Brianna
My dumbass almost put my real name into the confessional link so we are off to a great start!!! So beginning of the game we have to pick a leader. Thomas kinda automatically pushed it to be Apollo which was funny. But then Apollo asked me if I wanted it bcuz he didn’t want it and that’s a no-no. He was scared people would be intimidated that he got an idol clue so I told him to just share the clue with everyone and take the leadership position which he thought was a good idea....for some reason. Lol. Hopefully he doesn’t screw up the immunity challenge for us and I get an idol clue without having to be the leader :P peace out ✌️
Cassie
Getting to know some of my tribemates has been fun and I definitely feel like we've been clicking well so far. I don't have any bad first impressions.
Felix
So I am getting some good vibes off of Flint and Joey. I think they're pretty cool and match my vibes. Cassie is alright, but she doesn't seem to be the talkative type. Finally there's the two that haven't talked. All I'm saying is that if we HAVE to go to tribal then we know who it should be. Also I would never volunteer myself as leader. What do I look like? Responsible?
Zest
I just got to the island and am still a little apprehensive. This is all very new to me. So far, my tribe seems very nice and go with the flow. But, I think that will change as the game progresses. I am definitely trying to just get an idea of people, but, it is very early in the game. We got the clue that "Idols are forged in fire.” Not completely sure what that means yet. Once we know what the challenge is, that will help! I’ve been reading about the other tribes and am curious about how they are all doing. Are they getting closer than mine is? Is my tribe on the right track?
Marie
I’m getting along really well with Kathleen, she is definitely my number one right now and I’d love to work with her!
Flint
The first night has gone better than I had expected. As a somewhat introvert I was nervous about getting to know my tribe but the other players made it easy. Felix and I hit it off really quick, I would consider him my closest ally thus far. Joey and Cassie both talked about being pro-pineapple pizza so that may blossom into an alliance down the road as well. Suzy and Charlie have been quiet so I can see them being an early target if we lose immunity.
Apollo
"https://i.makeagif.com/media/3-26-2018/myXMdc.gif
I feel like signing up for this game was a bad idea for my mental health, but I love Jay more than I love myself so who cares?
First impressions? Thomas suggests me as leader, and I'm shook. I wish I didn't have the name of a Greek God, why couldn't I be ""Steven Smith"" lol. Anyways I got the idol clue and shared it with the whole tribe since I don't need a giant target on my back to start with. Hopefully I can use this leader position to start a team that can work cohesively for the beginning of this game. Ope! The challenge has been posted. I've gotta run! Hopefully I won't be first boot!"
Lysandre
So the tribe has been formed!! The leader is Marie and thats cool! I was then put into a potential alliance chat with me, Marie, and Kathleen! Lets see how this goes! I also chose to participate in the shells challenge and its going great so far, except for the fact that all the numbers are confusing me. Is there a thing for dyslexia but with numbers?? Also I love Jay wtf.
Apollo
I can't believe you put me on the same tribe as Karen again, and I don't know why the hell she thinks Boris is a funny name, but the cat icon, has me living. I didn't know it was her since she wasn't on at the beginning but when she started talking and dragging the midwest I couldn't help but confirm my suspicions. She reeks of minions. Also pretty sure the new zealand person is just Stephen, bless his Soul. As for the rest idk them but being put in the leader position really helped i suppose. Thomas and Zest seem to respect me and Brianna and I are working on the flash game so hopefully we can bond over that. I would love for us to win immunity the first round but at this rate, If Bradley doesn't come on at all tomorrow, we might not even need to go to tribal, it just might be med evac, which would come in handy if we lose, but be a shot in the foot if we win. A little part of me was hoping for some ungodly reason Camilla would come back, but if she is, its not on my tribe :'). I'm imagining that Sam is somewhere but not on my tribe. I can't wait to get on with this game and to see how well I can do with a fresh start.
Gigi
I'm pretty happy with my tribe! Everyone seems kind and levelheaded. I'm kind of worried that I missed out on bonding with them though, since I wasn't around for the first meeting!
Kathleen
"I seem to have formed bonds with a couple of tribe members pretty quickly, I might be wrong but it seems like most of my tribe hasn’t really started playing the game yet so it’s good to get a one up just in case. Our leader, Marie, was someone I suggested because we’d been talking and I thought it would be good to have someone that was starting to trust me as leader.
Also this puzzle is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I have like 500 mental illnesses so that’s saying something."
Lysandre
OK SO LYSANDRE IS DOING EVERYTHING TIM COULDN'T. Their goal in the challenge is to get atleast 101 bundles but a bitch is getting tired. Also queen Jay posted her idol search which I thought was cute! I like how it works but my problem with it is that the idol can be found so fast.  It can be found in say... under an hour on your first prompt submission... LIKE HOW I DID. I have an idol yall!!! My first ever Idol!!!! I am so proud of Lysandre, they are doing amazing.
Lysandre
Having the idol feels a little surreal. I am aware that I have it but it is sooooo early in the game that it feels like a joke. I am going to tell no one about the idol moving forward in the game and I'm going to try and save it for no one but me.
Felix
Look who found an idol on their first hunt! I now have a safety net to fall back on just in case any of these people want to be snakes in the grass! We love me being an icon!
Felix
Me not reading the rules? It's more likely than you think. So now I just got to hope that everyone else is able to pull through in this challenge. God this sucks. At least if I am the worst on my team then I can use my idol to protect me. But that would be a waste of an idol so early in the game.
Boris
"HELLO. so the game just started yesterday and honestly?? I'm having so much fun.
playing as a different identity lets me separate myself from the game and play in a way I typically wouldn't. I'm already playing much more socially than I would in a typical game. My tribe sees pretty good! Everyone showed up at least, we're not the MOST active but everyone seems so nice, it'll be pretty easy to get along with everyone
totally off subject but this IDOL HUNT? WHEW. literally iconic. It's so fun to explore the different paths and see what happens. it took me forever to reach an outcome (and it was a negative one, at that), but I just had fun doing it anyway.
I volunteered to do the endurance portion of immunity, and I'm lowkey kinda regretting it. Like, I don't have anything else to do, but I just barely have the motivation to sit and type for hours on end. Oh well, I feel safe enough that even if we don't win I should be safe! hopefully!!"
Joey
"it's been a hot second since i've played one of these things and whew i forgot how exhausting it is getting to know people! i think everyone's in a weird spot because we're trying to remain hidden so we can't release real information about ourselves, so all the conversations i've had have mostly been about food. i've told two people i'm a fan of pineapple on pizza, which is a total lie, but whatever it takes  to make connections right?
i put my name out there for the leader role, but quickly gave it up to cassie. i think people are going to gravitate towards her, and i wanted to get in her good graces in case she is the key decision maker here. i feel like a lot of these people don't work as much as i do, which might put me at a disadvantage in the social portion, but what more can i really do?
i volunteered for the flash game because that seemed like the least annoying/time consuming section of the bunch, and on my fourth try i had a really lucky run and got a pretty decent score that i haven't gotten close to since. i think my strategy is going to be to pretend i'm struggling with the challenge, and at the last minute pretend i got my good score to show how hard i worked and how i ~persevered~ or whatever."
Felix
13 votes? Mama you gotta know more people than that
Felix
We're safe! I'm so shook that even though I submitted by accident XD
Marie
Gigi didn’t help with the challenge at all! Like wth pitch in? Tribal tonight should be an easy vote
Cassie
I feel pretty confident about how I did in the challenge for my tribe. We didn't come first, but I believed in my team that we'd still be safe and we were. We can only improve from here to overtake our competition and I still believe in my tribe. Go Tuai!
Thomas
Early days, everyone seems really nice so far, think I have gotten a good team!
Charlie
Honestly nothing particularly juicy atm, everyone is really nice and we are just getting to know each other. Theres a few people I'm vibing with more then others however...maybe a potential alliance in the future?
David Penn
Everyone seems way to chill and i'm waiting for the game to start getting heated. Also our tribe leader kinda dipped and everyones leader.
Brianna
Well. Sumi kind of...demolished that challenge. And I was starting to think we weren’t doing enough lol. It’s nice to see the first challenge results and put everything in perspective for the whole game. Not really any new updates. Bradley appeared for the first time today. Then shortly disappeared soon after. A missing person alert has gone out and he will be in our thoughts and prayers.
Zest
Wow! I am so emotional about our first win. I got really anxious about the puzzle and was worried I’d let my tribe down. Luckily, we all were really supportive of one another. Everyone has a really positive attitude and I am happy with Apollo's leadership. In terms of getting to know people, it is still really early. I have spoken to everyone on my team individually except Bradley.
Lysandre
OK so we lost the motherfucking challenge. I was the only person on my tribe to actually win their category. One of my "allies" Kathleen FLOPPED in the challenge. Luckily Gigi literally does not exist in this plane of existence. Maybe she got snapped by Thanos and she'll come back in 5 years... who knows?? What I do know is that I'm voting for her to go!! Also David approached me with the idea of voting Kathleen. I tried to play it off as if I'm stuck in between voting those two and I hope he bought it but Im obvi not gonna do Kathleen rn because she communicates with me. But we LOVE being the first tribe to go to TRIballlll.
Suzy witters
Im getting on with Felix a bit, and Charlie, I like charlie more though and can see myself working with him throughout the game
Marie
Lowkey can’t believe David actually called Kathleen out in the public chat, not a good move buddy. Let’s just say, he’s lucky that we want to get rid of Gigi or else Kathleen might have made the vote him!
Kathleen
I did HORRIBLY at the challenge and it seems that David was coming after me before some of my alliance members talked him down. We’re going for Gigi tonight so we only have people left that will actually try in challenges, but if we end up at tribal again I might just have to try and convince my alliance members to go for David to save myself.
Boris
"my tribe? Did that. We are a tribe of WINNERS. We dominated the first challenge!
But in less fortunate news, my dumbass needs to stop jumping into pits and volcanoes in the idol hunt. Search 1, I jumped in a lot and everyone was notified of my search. Search 2, I jumped across a volcano and now I can't participate in the next immunity. Which is an endurance! Which im really good at!! And the tribe knows I can do it because I did endurance last round!!!
So now I'm in a position where I kinda have to sit out (luckily our tribe needs to sit someone out anyway) BUT I'm stuck between coming forward and telling the truth, that I fucked up while searching, or make up some excuse for them to let me sit out anyway.
I think the former is smarter. Surely everyone else is searching too, and and maybe they'll respect my honest??? But if not, it could be my downfall. If they know Im searching every day they might be more inclined to vote me off before i find anything, since now they know I have nothing. "
Boris
Wtf why am I stressed, i don't even have to go to tribal
Bryan
So. The next immunity comp is an endurance challenge. And we have boris saying he won’t be able to be here for it because of a family thing. Apollo works til 12. Bradley probably won’t be here because of his disappearing trick. And I work til 10. I’ll hopefully still be able to participate because it’s not constant...but. We are already down three people and the comp hasn’t even started yet oh lord please help us.
Flint
The first Immunity Challenge was tougher then I had expected! I was assigned the seashell necklace making portion which sounded fairly easy but once I got going it was easy to get tripped up in the numbering. Once the results were announced I was glad to see our tribe got second place because I was one of the weaker ones in the challenge performance. Time to step it up!
Bradley
I need to really step up my social game since we won immunity. So its going to be a mess but i want to try and make some connections.
Gigi
Not sure if I'm paranoid or not, but I am idol hunting right now! And got a disadvantage instead. Just my luck!
Raul
Things are weird especially with the whole alias thing but ya know we march on the tribe is kinda quiet so we'll see I haven't seen a target emerge but it'll probably me to be honest
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Ep. 11: “NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!” - DeNara
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Madi
omfg instant tribal -> ginny gone:( it was sad bc she cried and I rly rly like her as a person but she is just too messy to play with raffy out next? lets see if I can finesse that.... also, THE ONE NAME IS GET IN TOUCHY TOPICS IS WHO IS PLAYING MORE THAN YOU THINK?????? sounds like me
DeNara
Oh my goodness, I am glad I had immunity for that tribal. It was pretty clear cut it was going to be Ginny but still sad to see Ginny go. Now that Julia and Ginny are gone, I am excited and nervous to see what is coming next. I have no idea who will be going next. Also, I love that I was voted more trust worthy, but being voted most likely to flip on their alliance is a big oof and puts a big target on me.
Raffy
DeNara, Steven, and I hopped on a call after that emotional tribal council. We've come to the conclusion that a newbie needs to go in this next tribal council or it's going to be a mess. The newbie we have decided on is... Madi. Yes. We do plan to betray one of our closest allies at the moment. She's been playing an excellent game and she needs to be voted out sooner rather than later. Additionally, she is the one we suspect of having the idol. So, this needs to be a complete and utter blindside. For now, the plan is to tell Madi and Gian to target Rachel. Then, we get Elle to vote with us to target Madi. That would make the vote 4-3-1 which would lead to Madi being voted out. This plan has a lot of risk, but i's not Survivor if it isn't risky.
DeNara
Okay so here is how things would go down if I had my way right now (even though I know that is unlikely). I would love to start by flipping on my alliance of 5 and working with Elle, Steven and Raffy to get Madi out and then Gian since they are the biggest newbie threats. After that I would then flip with the girls (and hopefully Steven) to get Raffy out of the game. That would leave Steven, Elle, Rachel, Anastasia, and myself in the game. Since Rachel has a relationship with Anastasia I would take her out next, leaving Steven, Elle, Anastasia, and myself in the game. I would then hopefully go to the end with 2 of those three. I feel like because I get along best with Steven and Elle right now I would like them to be in the final three with me even if I lose. My biggest concern right now is if Raffy is playing me since I got voted "most likely to flip on my alliance". So Raffy is someone I am paying close attention too.
Elle
Im kinda sad to see Ginny go :( But hey! Final 8✨ [I sent this to DeNara and then VL already but it works as a confessional and I only have so many things to say lol]
Well it's nice to know no one on my tribe's rooting for me 😂😂😂 lol my wins in the touchy subjects basically told this story: "she's honest, someone people can really root for, too bad she's never gonna win" which tbh im okay with 😅 my only goal starting this game was to make it to merge and then it was to avenge James so if i make it to F3 just to lose I'll be doing WAY better than i planned 💖 And honestly at least ppl don't think I'm a villain 😅 it's funny that Raffy got villain and I got hero since we're super close in this game (I feel the need to add 'I think' here lol)
Raffy
I want either Elle or myself to win. If Elle wins, that forces Gian and Madi to target Rachel this round which would go perfectly with the plan I've laid out. If I win, I can fully go for this plan without any hesitation. That's why I am going all out for this challenge. I apologize in advance to Jay who will have to go through all the submissions, but I have to do what I gotta do considering I cannot go outside due to a snowstorm.
Rachel
Man, this is such a tough game. The immunity challenge was hard, but i think as long as our majority newbies stick together, we will have control over the vote and who goes home. i'm glad to see elle won though! she is a great competitor. i still love that i got most honest and most likely to lie. i guess it shows how crazy of a game i'm playing socially
Gian
OK, so in order for this Raffy blindside to work PERFECTLY. He can’t catch wind of this plan because he’ll play his safety without power, which is a huge no no. We’ll be able to pull in Elle for this. If that happens, we fear DeNara might be a bad back up bc she’ll have something OR Elle won’t vote with us. So in this scenario of options, Steven is a great back up option.  This works to my advantage because that means if for some reason, my alliance tries to retaliate against me, Steven won’t be here for numbers.
Elle
I won immunity again 😅 ugh in hindsight I regret it. I wasn't really thinking gameplay-wise, more just "I have been given a challenge, time to go ham" 🔥🔥🔥  I should've maybe talked to my alliance abt it, though 😭. I might give Raffy my immunity?? idk I'm worried about tonight. 😅I'm just gonna trust Raffy's plan, but I am stressed✨I think I'm realizing for the first time kinda that I'm pretty far in the game and I don't wanna lose now 😂
Anastasia
So I just made an alliance with DeNara and Steven and my newbies alliance is wanting DeNara out. Our main target is Raffy but if Raffy plays an idol we will try to split the vote to DeNara which wouldn't be good for me if DeNara went home. I need the newbies and DeNara to fight so the attention is off of me. So I want her here. Hopefully Raffy will just not have an idol for one second
Raffy
I've confirmed the plan with Elle to take out Madi. The Wild Faes alliance (Elle, Steven, DeNara, and I) are fully down to take out a newbie this round. That newbie will be Madi if all goes well. Madi and Gian seem to believe that the vote will be Rachel tonight. They confirmed it in the alliance chat. Additionally, they told me that Rachel wanted to target Steven this round. I believe that Steven is a bigger shield for me than I am for him. It has always been his name thrown out than mine since merge began. Last night, I confirmed a Final 2 deal with Steven. It is my belief that I do not have a shot if Steven isn't there so they cannot use the excuse of "well, he already won before." We discussed that, ideally, Anastasia would be our third in the Final 3. This is because Anastasia is the biggest goat around while Elle/DeNara could make a really strong case for themselves. Finally, Elle offered to give me her immunity necklace tonight, but I had to decline. If that happened, that would make Madi and Gian shift their gears to Elle which wouldn't work for the plan. Additionally, it would let them know something is up which we do not want.
DeNara
Well....it is going down. Raffy, Steven, Elle and I are targeting Madi and Madi, Gian, Rachel and Anastasia are targeting Raffy. It could potentially be a show down tonight. I don't think I will flip though, I think it would be bad for my game. I need to get some newbies out before I flip on Raffy.
Madi
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1VhQNVbLwBcJlyYbIElS9iQ_ZW99uWw76/view?usp=drivesdk
Raffy
Elle told me earlier that Madi had came to her with a plan to vote me out this round. Elle declined it with a little aid from me, and Madi seemed to have backed off. It seems like the smart play to get rid of her now. I am just going to continue acting dumb to them and keep preaching Rachel. Hopefully, with Elle's rejection, Madi will decide to not go for me this round and bide her time a little longer.
Steven
https://youtu.be/ZjewoAwraOM
DeNara
I am getting nervous for tribal tonight. I hope we don't go to rocks, that would suck a lot. Rachel is saying she wants to vote for Steven, so idk if I should play into that or just flat out turn it down. I don't want Madi to get suspicious of us turning on her and Gian.
DeNara
What the heck!?!?!? It is an hour before tribal and we are stressed af. Anastasia wanted to get Raffy out and I had to convince her not to vote that way and to vote for Rachel.
Raffy
This tribal has just became a giant mess. So, Gian and Madi were fully comfortable trying to 4-4 tie it between me and someone else. Meanwhile, DeNara got tea from Anastasia and has "exposed" Gian/Madi to her. Now, Anastasia wants to flip and vote out Rachel. But, the Faes alliance has decided not to tell Anastasia the actual vote is Madi. And I want to use my SWP because now is the time to use it since Anastasia confirmed it's between me or DeNara for the newbies so Steven would be safe in that scenario. So, if everything works out, it should be a 3-3-1 vote with me not voting between Madi, DeNara, and Rachel. In that case, we get Anastasia to vote for Madi under the pretense that we just couldn't trust her yet but now we do. Apparently, Madi doesn't like DeNara and Gian doesn't like one of Steven or I. That's kind of sad cause I like them, but whatever. And if DeNara does end up the vote because Madi uses an idol, that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make because Anastasia says she wants to flip so in the process of all this I gain a number and have a 4-3 majority next round guaranteed. Wish me luck y'all
DeNara
oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!!!!!!! Raffy is using his safety without power tonight so that means that  Madi, Rachel and Gian are going to write my name and Elle, Steven and I are going to vote for Madi. Which leaves Anastasia as the swing vote to vote off either myself or Madi. I don't know if I have a close enough relationship with Anastasia for her to vote Madi. So I may be going home tonight!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
My only hope is to come clean to Anastasia about the plan and pray she votes for Madi instead of me. It may be my funeral tonight :'(
Elle
OKAY. So we think Anastasia is going to vote Rachel with us except we're not going to vote Rachel we're going to vote Madi and I'm going to give Raffy my immunity necklace so that at worst its a tie and then we use Raf's bargaining chip to Rach or anastasia before we go to rocks. Cool writing this JUST before tribal
DeNara
I may have screwed myself over tonight.  I told Anastasia we were voting Madi so if she told Madi then I could be going home and it would be my own fault.
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cow3survivor · 3 years
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Ep. 10: “Your Package Has Been Shipped.” - Shane
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JENNET
finished immunity and i think i did pretty good. its not in my hands anymore but im also not in jeopardy of being voted out so we shall see
(a little later)
mikey found the idol and told me sam sammy and jones so im pretty happy that he trusted us with that im ready to make a move and vote out either shane or daisy :))
JONES
https://youtu.be/4Y11juHth0c
JESSICA
Right now I don't know what will happen this round at all. It will be interesting to see how things play out! I think I'm in a good spot with the 6 person alliance. I'm also hoping that Sammy, Mikey, and Jake (and myself) can get some sort of group going since I'd spoken with Sammy about that and he seemed game. I know I submitted a confessional about how Sam has to have the idol and such but that is not true! It is based on false info I actually have no idea who has that Furcifer idol. Jennet told Lovelis they thought they’d be the one to go this round. I don't love the idea of voting for them because we get along pretty well but I also haven't connected with them strategically so it's not the worst move for me. I think we're likely to see a lot of drama late in the day tomorrow so I'm just hoping that my relationships will keep me out of the crossfire.
(a little later)
....and now I have found where the third idol is. In ter es ting
JENNET
super late last night jake texted me how the ethan vote didnt sit right with him (...after he listened to people telling him what to do and voted him out anyways....) and he wanted to squash the tension. im like wym? jake says that lindsay is being way too shady and that she should go next. and hes scared that shes gotten too close to shane and daisy. mind u he doesnt know that i KNOW hes in an alliance with daisy, lindsay, shane, jessica, and jones. :3 i feel like things keep falling into my lap
MIKEY
so not much has been going on tbh sis. I FOUND THE IDOL THOUGH YUPPPP and stupidly told an alliance of 5 ppl right away X3 Im so quirky. Anyways chile still feel really stupid ab doing that but its okay ig. adam is climbing the ranks and may soon be my favorite intern! Henry ma, you gotta step it up yo keep your first place rank!
LINDSAY
Aight you got three because i think i forgot to submit these but if they're double submissions i am so sorry 12/22- https://drive.google.com/file/d/1BXe97VoqJnUCER8aRn7-q0aiZuOFtzVm/view?usp=sharing
JESSICA
So much has happened that it isn't even possible for me to recap! But basically I'm glad I have Shane as a f2, he told me everything that's going down and I told him (almost!) everything that I know. I'm now in an alliance with Jake, Sammy, Mikey. Jake is going to want to vote for Lindsay this round. That would be cute... if I wasn't in a final 3 with her and Shane! I would love to get the votes to take out Daisy this round + use Shane's idol nullifier to do it. She is close with Sammy, close with Lindsay, and very close with Jones. That's just not a connection I really need being in the way of my game. Plus it's great she gives advantages and information to Shane.... but it would be nicer if we got that information first hand :) However, the only way I can see this working is if that group of 6 splits their votes and thinks Sam/Daisy/Jones are voting for Jennet. That would mean they think the vote is: - Jake/Mikey/me/Sammy (+Jennet?): Lindsay - Daisy/Jones/Sam: Jennet - Shane/Lindsay (+Jennet?): Sam And while a 4-3-3 would be cute, this is what it would actually be: - Jake/Sammy (+Jennet?): Lindsay - Daisy/Jones: Jennet - Jennet? : Sam or Lindsay - me/Shane/Lindsay/Mikey/Sam: Daisy (+ play idol nullifier on her) But I need to know how Jake plans to go for Lindsay before I can really make this work. I'm hoping some good ol' fashioned "no one knows where the Calumma idol is" paranoia will make a split vote possible. Apparently Lindsay also has an idol she can play before the votes are cast, so if need be she could just play that tonight and lie and say it expired this round. The problem with all of this is Shane for some reason really wants to use the safety without power. No clue why as that advantage sucks, it really only makes sense to play if you think you're going home. If he uses it, it will make pulling off a blindside that much harder because we need every vote we can get. I'm glad the game is opening up and we're all having more fun! Even if I end up going home, I am having a good time.
SAMMY
ahhh!! I won immunity holla!!! I did not want to stress going into this tribal and I knew I would get paranoid bc powers are being played. I have so much information I feel like in terms of game even tho I really am not in that many alliances<3 I feel so good just like navigating the game and I feel bad for exposing some of Daisys powers but idk like I said...Daisy is playing the middle and socializing with everyone! I haven't told her the plan but also she hasn't really tried figuring out the plan? She's just been telling me like "I heard Jennet" which is fine. I want to vote out Lindsay tho as she is my weakest connection. I can see Lindsay trying to reach out to me but I think she feels her alliance cracking and realized she has to start reaching out more...blinks...but yeah Jake and Jess better jump ship (which they are) but yeah not too many updates I feel safe so I'm just staying put
JAKE
https://youtu.be/dTaDFn7U8DA hehe I’m in danger 😳
DAISY
https://youtu.be/H0tmn1UIqNs
(a little later)
RARE  WRITTEN CONF! THERE IS NOW A RUMOR THAT THE VOTE MIGHT FLIP ON TO LINDSAY?? UMM NO TY! SHE SUPPOSEDLY HAS A POWER AND I WANT TO TIP HER OFF THAT SHE SHOULD USE IT BUT WITHOUT ME GETTING HEAT FOR IT AFTER THE FACT PLS me not knowing what to do with my idol <3
(after picking up a package)
So. Lindsay and I are both playing idols tonight boom. That either means Jennet or Jake should be leavng but I'm voting jake last minute. Shits stirring.
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survivorsunsetrodeo · 3 years
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Ep 7 | I Just Played Myself - Dan
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I BOUGHT THE IDOL LMAOOOO EL PSY KONGROO MOTHERFUCKERS
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I am so sorry Timmy, no I am not really, this round is a DOUBLE tribal oh hell no
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Okay, amazing. I can never remember what I write in these things but yesterday I was thinking that I didn't want to take Nic to merge and spoke to Taylor about maybe getting Emma and Josh to vote with us and get Nic out if we go to tribal since I wasnt so sure about Brandi and Jabari's stance with him. Jabari was the one who wanted him in the 5 "alliance" and I wasn't sure how Brandi would feel about turning on the alliance.
BUUUUUT Brandi and I  were chatting this morning and I mentioned that Emma looked like the easy vote but Nic makes me nervous. Then was like, well, what if we vote Nic instead??? Uh, yes. What a great idea, Brandi!! She pitched it to Jabari and we're all in. We only need 4 but I think it'd be best if Josh and Emma were in on it too. Nic already thinks its Emma.
Sounds like Nic and Emma want to sit out of the immunity challenge. Perfection.
Nic has enough cash for an idol and its for sale this round. IDK if he'd buy and play it just to get through merge. If hes not playing the game he has to feel comfortable enough, right? If he does buy/play an idol Emma will go if he votes for her. I feel like he will. But just in case I think one of  the rest of the tribe should also vote Emma. If he throws a vote it'd be a 1-1 tie if he has immunity and we'd revote Emma, but I think that'd be unlikely. Whooo! A little bit of action. I'm getting what I want, Brandi feels like she's in charge, we're keeping our Beeho connections in tact and the whole new Beeho tribe feeling mostly comfortable. Perfect. We still have to get through today and tomorrow before tribal but I feel good.
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You know, I was hoping we'd be able to stay immune until the merge, but clearly the universe is telling me its time to shake things up!
Emma and Josh are, at the point, the only solid allies I have in this game. Merging without them by my side would be awful for my game so at this point I'm going to do whatever I can to protect them.
Prior to reward results, Josh and I decided it would be best to purchase the Tier 1 and Tier 2 idols for this round as a way of not only protecting ourselves, but also making sure that no one else has them to screw with our plans.
I'm pretty sure that according to the Emo Elephant alliance of Jabari, Taylor, Megs, and Brandi, Emma is the target just because of her inactivity. I know though if she wins immunity, Josh will become the target because he's the only one left not in the alliance.
Emma winning immunity would actually be ideal, because then Josh could play his idol on himself, and I could play my idol on myself with the excuse of "I was worried they were voting for me." and it won't look like a coordinated thing.
I think Josh, Emma, and I will end up targeting either Jabari or Taylor. I like them both, but at this point I think it's still worth it to try and preserve an OG Pearl alliance at merge. There's essentially a whole tribe of people I haven't met yet so working with them would be unrealistic.
This vote is going to be crazy, and is definitely going to be the hardest one yet. I like everyone on this tribe and wouldn't be making this move unless I absolutely had to. 
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I'm not well versed in Retirement Home Lore but I hope I somehow end up as the person who sat out of the most challenges.
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Of course I wanted to win immunity tonight, but I think everything will be okay???? I mean they could easily vote me out going into a possible merge to have the numbers on OG Pearl, but... I just don't see that happening?
I mean I could be boo boo the fool rn but again, I would literally die for Ari. I just feel like we bond too much on a personal level for them to slit my throat at this point. At f7 on? Yeah it's fair game, but I think Ari needs me as much as I need them? Or maybe I'm just a narcissist. 
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I think I’m in a better position than I originally thought? See the thing about having an idol is I feel like I can be a little more bolder and a little more reckless in the moves I’m trying to make. I probably don’t even need this idol but I’m still going to play it because I’m not about to waste $400 on an idol I won’t play the round it is an actual idol!
I reached out to Taylor telling her about a possible voting bloc of me, her, Jabari and Emma and try to vote out either Megs or Brandi. She seems receptive to it and she also thinks Jabari is open to making some moves. Which checks to what Jabari has been telling to Emma and myself that “As long as Taylor and I are here you aren’t going anywhere.”. I feel like Taylor is an unexpected ally for me. Ideally, me, Emma, Nic, Taylor and Jabari vote out either Megs because she seems to be more socially savvy than Brandi and I think I can still salvage something with Brandi. When we merge I follow Taylor with whatever connections she has on Old Beeho and try to set myself up where I’m protected on all sides.
Worst case scenario is Taylor rats this out to the alliance chat but not all is lost because I think Nic would be willing to play his idol for Emma. Nic is our little rat and I really appreciate him hehe. Now if this happen I really really want it to be a 1-1-1-0-0 vote. Imagine the chaos. El Psy Kongroo
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I WON THE 21 FLAGS I REDEEMED MYSELF AND BROKE MY CURSE WHAT A HECKIN RELIEF
so glad my page of madman notes and my alliances with both the other players paid off whewwww. it's been forever since i've had an immunity necklace so i WILL be wearing it with pride! i'm definitely feeling a lot better about tonight's vote now that i have this, but also i am still pretty nervous because chloe has been far too quiet. i feel honestly so bad about not telling her the whole timmy thing but now im just confused like, did that break her and she's given up? or does she have some master scheme advantage shit that she's gonna pull out to make our lives hell? UGH i don't know. it's so awkward to try and talk to her about it and part of me feels like if she's not gonna make the effort i shouldn't either but :(((((( bad vibes y'all. i would have maybe even fought for her if she'd been trying harder, but like i can't just take someone into merge who's giving me nothing and who will probs blow up my spot as soon as we get to the new camp, so at this point the plan is to have me jacob dan vote for chloe and ali throw a vote on dan just in case, and just have chloe do whatever tf she wants i guess.
so the possibilities of what could happen tonight: 1) everything goes according to plan and chloe goes home without much fuss 2) chloe pulls out an idol, then it's either a) split vote between ali/dan and we vote dan on the revote or b) 3 votes negated 2 votes dan 3) if dan goes rogue and also throws a vote, it could get messy in even more ways - if he votes the same as chloe and she doesn't play an idol, we have a 2-2-1 tie where we'd want to revote chloe but then dan could get upset and loose cannon all over the place. if he votes the same as chloe and she does play an idol, whomever they voted (probs ali) goes home. if he votes different from chloe and she doesn't idol, it could either be a 2-1-1-1 or 2-2-1, and if he votes different from her and she does idol it's 1-1-1 or 2-1-1........
like, damn. this five-person vote is like the 3-2-1 flag combination in the challenge: on paper it seems better to have a lower number of factors to think about, but there's so many more ways you can divide and rearrange for different outcomes that you'd really rather avoid it at all costs. basically how i feel about all this is, if chloe sticks around my game is pretty much screwed but also as long as i can keep jacob, i'll have the strength to keep going. losing ali would suck bc he's a solid number always, losing dan would be painful bc i've really grown to like him and he's closer to a strategic match for me, but i have faith that me and jacob can overcome anything together. if jacob goes home somehow.................. i would be absolutely devastated. i'd have no choice but to go all scorched-earth on everyone's asses. if i lose jacob, everyone must suffer. so let's not let jacob go home tonight mmkay? <3
anyway, really hoping we do actually m*rge after this, my plan if chloe doesnt go home tonight is to throw myself at josh and tsl immediately and tell both of them i'll do whatever the fuck they want. if chloe does go home as planned, i'll still reach out to them but i can afford to be a bit more cool and aloof about it.
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I think its cool I won immunity. But the double tribal is terrible ngl, I don't want anyone to go because we were such a powerful tribe and I get the reason why we are going. Doesn't make the choice any easier though, I have alot to ponder, I might not even know who I'm voting at tribal.
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It all went tits up last time so fuck it 
I keep telling myself to smile and breath through the pain of being lied to and that I will get my revenge for Timmy in time. It’s so much more difficult being patient than losing my shit in tribe chat and yelling about everyone or randomly spreading a rumour that there’s a secret duo 
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This tribal is very... suspicious. It's been quiet ALL DAY and Megs has been throwing my name under the bus to Emma and apparently to Taylor to. She told them that it was ME who came up with Emma's name and that I am not to be trusted. Now I'm not sure if she's saying all of that to convince Emma she's not going home or if she genuinely believes it but either way it's just another reason for me not to trust her. She is clearly a very strategic person who will do anything to ensure she has the power. Well Megs... you're about to be impeached and removed.
I literally have no idea what is going to happen at merge at this point. This tribal is really going to shake things up and anything could happen. I feel like chances are I'll be on the bottom come merge and will probably be an early merge boot, but is there anything I can really do about that? I didn't do anything to deserve being on the bottom of OG Pearl yet it's stuck with me this entire game. You could say I have a victim complex but I am the victim. 
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why do these ppl think im dumb as hell thats my personality but not my brain they telling lies like jabari and nic are a duo how nic wants me out then i hear that megs spread my name now i feel chaotic i hope josh gives me his idol because like i really want to play this game i am better now it took a bit but im here and queer :DDD i have nothing against these ppl except jabari for basically pushing me away like if im still here in jury im making notes of this..
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Oy! This should be so much easier than its been.
I'm so uncomfortable.
So earlier Brandi, Taylor, Jabari, and I agreed to take out Nic, despite having him in the alliance. Now Jabari seems like she's ready to fall on the sword for him? Where did that come from?? Nic claims he never talks to her.
Reached out to Emma and assured her I want her to stay and floated Nic to her. Obviously she was down. Then I tell her to be careful what she tells Jabari bc i think her and Nic are a pair and up to something. Emma says she talked to Jabari to plead her case and Jabari brushed her off and just said, "dw you're fine" but didnt give a name.
Jabari also floated to Taylor, "we could go with the group or make a move with Emma and Josh." And Taylor said "No" and then Jabari said okay, its between Emma and Josh then.
Like I don't know where Jabari's head is at. I feel like Taylor would tell me if she heard my name. I also feel like that'd be fucked up if Jabari wanted me out after I helped her practice for the immunity challenge but I really really dont know! Maybe its Brandi? Ugh
I trust Brandi and Taylor's vote.
I want to believe Emma will also vote Nic.
Josh doesnt seem to have a great strategic mind. I spoke to him a little last night before I went to bed and he suggested staying OG Pearl strong. Weak strategy but also we wont have majority unless Dan DOESNT go tonight. Then we'd go in even and Beeho would have proven to be very strong in their ties, what would stop any OG Pearl (me lol) from flipping and putting OG Pearl in the minority to pick off? No. I was trying to lead him to think Nic was the untrustworthy one but it either went over his head or he's also with Nic. By the number of times he says "I dont understand" or "I really don't get it" in a day, he might've just missed my subtle directing. Fortunately,  Emma said she'd talk to him and Brandi wants to give him a call before tribal and convince him to vote Nic.
And I just cant read Nic. I can't tell if he's comfortable or knows I don't trust him and is lying to me as much as I'm lying to him. Does he have an idol? He talks about the shop A LOT and had enough to buy one of them. He said his goal was to make it past merge so I wouldn't put it past him to buy and play one even if he was comfortable  just to make it.
Even that would be fine if I felt confident that the vote was on Emma and not me Brandi or Taylor. I feel like someone would tell at least one of us if something was up but if its Jabari Nic Emma and Josh together, thats a majority and whoever they vote is done.
Its so scary. I don't like being afraid so fuck it, I'm just going to vote Nic. I really feel like they arent voting TSL so in case it is me, ofc I want my buddy to have the best chance so I'm going to give her all my money before tribal. I would be surprised if I was voted out but better have a back up plan in case it goes awry. She'll give it back and I'll buy the top tier idol just before radomizing at what, 11 tonight? Kinda a waste to try to be sneaky since the item is taken out of the randomizer but *shrug*
So in conclusion I'm terrified but I'm still voting Nic. Getting Nic out would take out someone I'm suspicious of, eliminate the threat of a pair (Jabari/Nic), gain hopefully lasting loyalty from Emma for giving her a chance, and working with Taylor to get ins with Beeho in case they're very OG Beeho Strong. Jabari might be mad but she's so much better at games than me and I do NOT want to go to the end with her. She is a CHAMP.
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These people are scrambling like crazy............... 
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This should be the most easy straightforward vote of the season and I’m freaking the fuck out. It seems too good to be true that it’s Chloe.
Chloe has done very little to get out of this pickle she’s in. I’m very worried that she may have some sort of advantage that might get her out of this mess, but at the same time idk. She allegedly has no money because of exile. But is that because she got something for risking it??? Idfk man.
I’m tempted to throw a vote on Jacob just in case of an idol play and everyone else but Chloe votes for Chloe. Idk I mean no one would know? And if she cancels a vote or two it won’t matter. Idek I’m in my head sooooo bad
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ahhhh i'm at work so sorry for no video but we are voting chloe tonight and dan ari and ali and i are in an alliance and we're going to attempt to dominate at merge so yay
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So apparently Megs, Brandi, and Taylor are throwing my name out because they believe 1.) I've been the one causing all the drama and 2.) I'm in a duo with Jabari. I've literally never had a one on one strategic convo w/ Jabari and barely speak with her in general. Also I've made it a point to not cause drama this season AT ALL and remain calm and under the radar. So to see it all crash down on me regardless is really disheartening. I also really liked Brandi so to learn she was the one spreading the rumor that Jabari and I are a duo sucks. I'm really confused as to why all this drama is being created and then being pinned on me. Oh well.
To continue on this point..
All this drama is being stirred up and being pinned on me and it sucks. I used to be a super dramatic and chaotic person and I've literally made it such a point to change this season. It's why I went home season 1 and I've done everything in my power not to let that happen again. I'm not sure why Megs and Brandi were so quick to turn on me? Like honestly? Megs is kinda the villain of the season and Brandi is her minion. Like the Despicable Me type of Minion. Which makes Megs Gru. 
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Power Rankings: ONE - TAYLOR (+1) Threat: 8 (+1)
 Fuck I don’t think I realized how much power I had over people until this round. Megs was close to being a goner this round, still could be but I fixed the situation unless an idol pops up. I had a call with josh where he basically said im his number one and will vote how I do because im the only one he trusts, so he should be voting Nic this round. I also got megs to give me all her money incase she leaves this round. TWO - MEGS (-1) Threat: 8 (-1) Trust: 10 (+1) This has been a wild round, megs rolls in at #2 for a couple reasons. People are onto her, they know how big her threat level is and I knew it would come. I think I stuck my neck out too much for her this round. But she still has enough control over people that I don’t have, like brandi, which is why she comes in at #2. THREE - BRANDI (NC) Threat: 6 (NC) Trust: 8 (+4) Brandi comes in at number 3 because no one is saying her name, she’s sitting pretty and not having to lift a finger. However, she is getting grouped with megs which could be a danger to her game. Brandi is definitely UTR, and doing a good job keeping it that way. Brandi’s trust shot up because I know she doesn’t have any other option right now that to stick with megs, and I know megs and I are good. FOUR - JABARI (NC) Threat: 8 (+3) Trust: 2 (-6) Jabari almost pulled off a massive move this round in getting megs, she included me in it however, and I was able to diffuse the bomb before it exploded. Her trying to make this move is why her threat level increases. She’s onto me though, she told josh that she thinks I leaked it to megs, which I did. So that’s why I dont trust her anymore, I need her to leave ASAP. FIVE - JOSH (NC) Threat: 3 (+1) Trust: 9 (+6) Josh and I made a lot of progress this round. We had our first one on one call where he told me I was his number one. He said he trusts me, he gave me a lot of info on his concerns and also what people have been telling him. I don’t think he has enough social capital to make things happen, and even if he did he wouldn’t do it without me. SIX - EMMA (NC) Threat: 1 (NC) Trust: 3 (NC) I think the only reason Emma isn’t a goner this round is because megs wants Nic gone. She kinda just does as she’s told and that’s about it. Not a terrible strategy but annoying for someone like me who doesn’t particularly trust her. Emma doesn’t have a lot of say in what happens, but is included in the majorities plans as Jabari wanted her a part of the megs blindside, and megs wanted her a part of the Nic blindside. SEVEN - NIC (NC) Threat: 6 (NC) Trust: 2 (-4) I had a very bad round with Nic. I can tell Jabari leaked to him that his name is out there, and I know hes come to me saying that people think hes stupid and hes talking about me. I dont think hes stupid, I just dont have trust built with him. He doesn’t hold a lot of power this round, he likely is the one leaving unless he has an idol. 
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Episode 2 - “Y'all. Vote me out fr cause I'm inactive as fronk” - Joshua (through Autumn)
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I hate flag-making challenges. I will not be helpful at all, and I hope that someone else can take the reigns and lead us to victory. I honestly feel safe going into a tribal council, but I do not want to test that theory.
Next morning
With Chips and Jules working on the crest designs, I feel confident that we will do well in the challenge. Maybe not the best, but definitely not the worst. I still have the same anxious feeling that my tribe is not active enough for my taste, but I will just have to live with it for now. Besides, at least this is not immunity because that we increase my anxiety by so much. But, I keep forgetting to search the idol hunt which is my bad, but it is just so hard and long that I do not really feel like searching all the time lol
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ART CHALLENGE <333 i love these challenges. Jess made my picture 110% better and its super cute. The note that she wrote with it is also hella cute and I love the whole HP aesthetics bc i never got to go to real hogwarts ;-; but i'm sure most of yall can related. The boys weren't too helpful but nick was better than jacob who is sick. Nick was way more active aka jacob said 3 sentences the entire challenge sooooo…. if we lose idk I might just save jacob anyways bc pregame relations.
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Won reward, but now we have to win immunity again. I really hope that this reward helps us continue to survive. I don't want to have to vote anyone out. We've been getting first, but I really just want to survive this challenge, its known to be hard.
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I think I have been stuck with the second most challenge inept tribe in the history of my ORG career. I literally said so many answers in my version of the story and Jules just fucked it up. And then they got the girl's name wrong. And then they started mixing up characters. I know I did well, but fuck these people. God. Now we need a tribe to get 0 which is very unlikely. I will just resign myself to tribal. I hope and pray that these people have some common sense and do not want to vote me out
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Listen. Listen. Listen. I dang knew this story was going to be Harry Potter based. I knew in my brain and in my heart that I shouldn’t have been the one to start that thing. What do I do? Start the dang thing. Oh well. We did alright. I would be shocked if we won tho but if we don’t I’ll be relieved. I def don’t feel confident enough but I really had a lot of fun with my tribe. I really miss this and really hope that my time isn’t cut short! I feel really good about my tribe mates sincerely. And that’s kind of scary! I would hate to see any of us to go and how it’s going to affect the bond we have if we vote someone out. In this moment with Max sitting out, it may be him who goes if we go to tribal. I hope that isn’t the case. I’ve got my fingers crossed for us. Huff Puff strong!
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Honestly Jules dropped the ball sis!! But it’s okay, I love her. She’s really nice and I know she tried her best. Plus she’s in an alliance with me and Owen, so we should have the numbers against Joanna or Miguel if we go to tribal. Personally, I’d prefer Joanna to go. She’s kinda domineering, but she’s also an asset in challenges thus far. She is organized and direct. I’ve also talked to her a bit more than Miguel, so I guess I don’t really care who goes.
I’m happy I didn’t fuck up the reward comp and the shit that I drew got us a win!
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I really hope I don't bomb that challenge, I answered everything that Kevin talked to me about.... I think!  The rest of them tried very hard but I am SOOO glad that I asked to do my part at the end because my memory of repeating things is horrendous but I'm usually pretty good at bullshitting test answers... too bad I got some of the multiple choice stuff wrong.
I think that if we do lose I am still in a good spot on this tribe and hopefully I won't be in danger.  I feel like I'm on everyone's good side and Max kind of just disappeared so maybe we could just vote him out this round? Idk.
Hopefully we don't have to worry about it.  I smell a swap coming up pretty soon and I just hope I'm either with Owen or with some of the people from my tribe.  I have no idea if they know anyone or are close with anyone in the other houses.
I'm still feeling the closest to Lily and Kevin but I have been talking to Landen a good bit too these days so hopefully we'll be safe or we can all just agree on Max.
16 minutes later
OOOOOH IS LANDEN PAVING THE WAY FOR A MOVE TO SEND MAX PACKING???
He just told me that me, lily and kevin are precious angels that must be protected and that he likes Max when he's around too so that sounds like something... HMMM...
I can't get cocky, I always go home when I get cocky. But I like this.
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my host chat saw this first (shout-out to Drewie and Dennis): Y’all I’m an idiot. I thought I only knew 2 people in this game (Owen and chips). Then I remembered I also know Jess, Autumn, and dan. Literally love and respect each of you my brain just don’t got the strongest memory no more. I’m so sorry!!!! I literally just told landen I only know 2 ppl. I’m just gonna try to not remember it happened.
Ugh.....I need to get it together.
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I love my tribe talking to each other now that we have to!! Everyday I'm like damn either I'm on the bottom or I'm not the only one with piss poor social game. Ok so... the moment the hosts said we got 1 point, I started getting ready for tribal lmaaaooo. No sense crying over it either because all the tribes basically just had to show up in order to beat that
Like how could we not go to tribal with a score of ONE? That shit's embarrassing hahaha. That's like when your teacher passes the test back to everyone sitting around you but not you so you KNOW it's bad. But you know what? It's all good cause I'd rather us take the L now and get it out the way and we can all laugh about it cause losing won't be funny after long. The real question is: will Gryffindor do this the easy way or the hard way caaauusse we all know who the weakest link is. I just wanna see if someone puts two and two together without my prodding. Chips already said we voting together right and I'm like yes sir. There's no better place than being on the same page
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WE WON OMG!! Jules basically gave me nothing, which is fine, i understand, but i'm so impressed that we pulled that off. Absolutely killing these reward challenges really helps!
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"Y'all. Vote me out fr cause I'm inactive as fronk."
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Tonight we learned Joshua is a feminist selfless man that I stan because he's volunteering to go home without me having to put his name out, which I was going to do. Like imagine if every guy had that kind of self-awareness, to recognize why he should be the vote and then embrace it instead of wreaking havoc. And wanting to see others succeed more than yourself? King shit! He knew when to hang it up and did just that. Like the number of times I've seen a vote get complicated for no fucking reason because everyone wants a fight to the death. Enough- I'm old, tired, and cannot exert too much energy at once. We got a long game ahead of us, not to mention quarantine. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you Joshua. We need more players like you and I appreciate your service
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im back back BACK AGAIN with another confessional! not much has changed but a few updates for the sake of these being required :) 1. max has become even more inactive, he's not reached out to me personally since the first day and any time i messaged him after that he's sent me nothing back that i can build a convo off of, so we just have stopped speaking. Luckily this challenge only required four people and everyone else SHOWED UP!! or at least spoke about their availability, while he did not. However in his defense he said he was having some issues at home and i feel for him but his inability to connect has been an issue before he spoke about anything in our tribe chat with us. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but this point my relationships with the other 3 are leaps and bounds ahead of where I am at with Max. Maybe he can pick up some speed if we continue winning challenges but, it's not looking too hot. SPEAKING OF CHALLENGES, well first we lost reward AGAIN, but we won immunity.. AGAIN! thank goodness for not being first or second boot, i always love being able to avoid these early tribals and if i can get to a swap without seeing one that would be ideal, but also if we do go and maybe vote out max? wouldn't be the worst thing. Moral of the story we won and thats exciting! however.. if we didn't.. the first big push of strategic talk came up with landen when he hinted at being frustrated with max's lack of presence which I also share. I do believe if we lost me and landen could have most definitely picked up ruthie and lily to form a four against him, if he even came to tribal. That would be my ideal situation and if we continue on this tribes hopefully it gives me a nice cushion to fall on if we do lose so i dont have to entirely blow up my social game within the first few rounds by voting out someone i've built a connection with. If max can go and the remaining four hufflepuffs can make a swap I would feel good about that, and maybe in the right circumstances we could work together on the swapped tribes because i genuinely like all of these people (yes max too but in this specific scenario he wouldn't be included bc... well..) anyways to close this off i still absolutely ADORE lily, she is fun and our conversations are really good, and same goes for ruthie, hopefully i dont have to see either of them or myself go home before we can really start playing because i think we could do some damage. :) ok anyways this was longer than i thought it would be goodbye
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I'm still not over the fact that I was able to answer 7 of those questions right. I have the memory of a plastic fork.  I also love that we are SAFE!
I do kind of hope things get spicy and we swap this round and become two tribes of 9. That'd be cute. I don't want VI to get bored and crack on me. BUT ALSO I think I have solid enough relationships with almost everyone on this tribe... so who knows?!
Also... these hoes really out here trying to search for an idol in PUBLIC. IN PUBLIC. WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON HERE?
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Dear diary, seems like we keep winning challenges, which is great but tbh i feel like every time i give a disadvantage to my team because english is not my first Language, and so far its been a vocabulary test and a listening and speaking test. I mean I knew I signed up for school but damn. Give me some macarena  or drinking tequila challenge and I'll crush it
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bippity boppity boo im back again with almost no content kdfasjhdskjfh
Ravenclaw working smarter and we keep winning, period!!! Thankful that y'all put Dan and I together....bc truly we will be unstoppable in these competitions. I kind of want to lose soon though to see how things would shake out, but I don't really have bad blood with anyone. Joanna seems passionate enough in the tribe chat and the challenges, even if she's dry in PMs. Miguel still won't give me anything other than a "how are you," but I hope the best for him in life lol
Still love Jules and Dan, and we made a three person alliance, but I haven't talked with either of them much one on one since it happened.... I really need to step the social game up eventually, but right now, I'm coasting, and maybe that's what I need before I find the time and resources in this game to strike!!
The idol hunt is hard but Dan seems onto something. Honestly he's gonna be a big threat sooner or later so he's sticking around as long as I can keep him! The last two games I've been in I've seen "goats" get dragged to the end and locked in final 3 positions, and then these perceived goats have ended up winning. so I want the big players in this game to rise to the top and fight it out in the end!
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let’s say i am como we dice.. fed up with a lot :flushed: a lot meaning joshua starting to get on my nerves a bit! he’s genuinely sweet n all but.. the way he complained about us losing by putting down others work HHH pissed me off. which is why i will be voting him out hehe.. but so far my misting has worked because no one wants to vote me out! mwah
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Slytherin killed the memory challenge. We thought we were all gonna flop bc all of us thought we sucked at memory stuff. um well we knocked it out of the park? Ravenclaw got 4 and huff/gryff got 1. We got 7 so oops. I do hope things turn out well for Gryffindor but no one I really know/care about is in that house so I'm not too worried. I hope they continue to lose or even hufflepuff since ravenclaw has 2 of my friends in it.
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I have been TERRIBLE with confessionals but only because there's really not been much going on? I have an alliance with Dan and Owen, and even though I wrote off Joanna I was DEFINITELY wrong in doing that. Miguel is sort of the outlier. Our team is kinda iconic though? We've done so well on all the challenges. I might be the weakest link? More to come.
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it's pretty sad but the whole tribe has agreed to vote max if we lose, basically he's just never around because of what's going on at home and like thats sad but... we gotta do what we gotta do *shrug*. I'm really feeling good about Hufflepuff moving forward, i've never bonded this much this easily with EVERYONE on a tribe and i just feel like if we keep winning or even if we lose and have to vote out max, we could be a great group for the future. especially i feel great about working with kevin, we dominated eve's game after eve came between us in 2020 that dastardly witch... :P (juuust kiddin. love ya!) but now we could totally do well in this game too i think.....
lily and ruthie are just so sweet and we really bond talking about pretty much anything,, especially lily is a great conversationalist and i just find it so natural to talk to them both. i'd love to work with any combination of people from hufflepuff in the future, hopefully i start sucking a little less at all these challenges. i think i did pretty great on memory :D
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So here is the summary of what has happened since last time
We had a reward challenge that was drawing. Mine sucked. Apparently 3/4 so no reward.
We played Telephone. My team didnt realize that details are the most important parts of that and didnt share then with Autumn so Autumn didnt share them with me. Then I didnt know them when asked about them.
We scored 1 point and lost. Since I still have no alliance I'm scared that it could be me. So I kind of got an idea how everyone was feeling.
Juls let me know she wanted to vote Joshua and- it's not me so that's fine!
Then I was talking to Autumn about it and - OOP! Josh asked to be voted out. So unless he plays an idol I'm supposing he is leaving after asking to go.
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woo my tribe won immunity!! we are safe! i’m glad bc i’m forming good relationships with ppl on my tribe. i think we all get along rly well so i hope we keep winning. the challenge was fun and i slayed bc i’m skinny mwah
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Ya know what’s refreshing? Being on a tribe that actually wins!!! The last three games I’ve played I’ve been on flop ass starting tribes.
Now we’ll lose every challenge
10 minutes later
This sickening bitch just found a hidden immunity idol!!!! Good until f6 L A D I E S!!!!!!
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HI BARBS SO I WAS GROUNDED SO I MISSED THE CHALLENGE BUT MY HUFFLEPUFF BABS SLAYED SM SO IM LIVING
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CONFESSIONAL 2.1 —
Not much strategy has happened this episode, just simply tribal bonding! We are SlytherWINNING, getting reward and immunity this time! How wonderful.
Regarding my tribe mates, I love all three. I pray, pray, pray we make swap, i do Noh want to be a dirty bad guy and have to vote one out.. yet. Haha.
I was drunk during immunity, one full glass of rum & coke, so I am shocked that we won immunity. Honestly, I feel silly admitting I was drunk to my tribe because... if I can do that when drunk, imagine if I was sober. Competition Beast, duh.
I also gave up my run this round for the tribe to use. Was partially social, partially I just do not understand how to do the Hunt, so I might as well help the greater good. Either way, it comes off positively.
Hoping for a smooth journey for a little longer!
x nick
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Joshue has basically quit at this point so I have no fear going into tribal
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Episode #3: “Like holy shit. I DID THAT!” -Birch
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-Holy shit I did a thing!!! So this challenge was a little game of attack and defend. We found that an Uppercase i looks the same as a lowercase L (I vs l) sooo, I had to go cause my mom wanted the wifi off, so I sent 2 messages (which got me out) but I replaced an i with an L and why both defended themselves which got 2 people out (Timmy Z and Ali) left only Cindi, who promptly quit I think it was said that should couldn’t do the comp leading into tomorrow. So then my tribe won immunity. But like holy shit. I DID THAT!! I’m convinced my iconic shit only comes out when Lukas and Olivia host me. ILY both of them!!! I also got sent to the tree house. So now I have to chose what looks like a swap, music videos, and honestly idk what the last one is. It has to do with Alexander Graham Bell, or maybe a game of telephone? 
-Soooooo, I have to exile someone. I kinda feel like going from a weird standpoint I want to exile myself cause then I am safe, and I don’t have to worry about a challenge, but on the other hand I could keep myself in just incase there is the possibility of a swap, so I can help my tribe and exile someone else who I want to keep safe. But also trust can only go so far, and I have trust issues. If I exile myself I could fuck myself over. I’m also indecisive so this is fun. I need to look at the cast and think who is best to exile. Maybe someone I want to work with in the future. Keep them safe, and pray to the gods that I stay safe. 
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-so... czern went without a hitch. he voted vi super randomly, so i kind of assume he was told he was going. but i truly do not care, he went home so im vibing. and then we had... that challenge. and immediately it was kind of clear we were losing JKLFDSA, it was kind of a disaster. we had an immmediate, early numbers disadvantage and that gave the Jack tribe wiggle room to try every trick in the book to psych us out. I was the first person to survive being jumped by them from my tribe (ilivedbitch.jpg), but also we tried SO much. Someone needs to call Nev, because the Annie tribe TRULY said time to catfish. We did the lowercase L thing, we tried EVERYTHING but it was a struggle. Credit to Birch for getting Me/Timmy out simultaneously, that was super impressive. But we are back at tribal AGAIN. and its starting to get dicey because... there isn't anyone i actually want to vote out on this tribe. Like I assume Dan is going to go this time, because he was gone FIRST in the challenge and is very quiet...? But then we are probably gonna swap at 16, which is scary because a) i don't want us to lose again and go into a swap with a MEGA numbers disadvantage b) who else am i gonna vote? timmy? it gets DICEY. so hopefully dan goes and we do an exile swap... because otherwise it gets tetchy. im getting sus with austin too, king is doing a lot and im gonna keep tabs on it. im also super afraid of the other tribe, that conglomerate of keegan/zach/birch is super scary to me. im gonna get bodied by a network of pre-existing connections and i am not looking forward to it
-https://youtu.be/Yzwlq1M7RzI
-https://youtu.be/taNWED3L7pM
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We lost again. Dan really fucked up and he’s gotta go now since he’s messed up two out of two rounds we lost. Can’t really save him now
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minding my business waking up to an alliance with some freaking cuties. me, zach, gavin and keegan??? i could get on board with that. lets not swap or do anything stupid to mess this up thank YOU.
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hi nothing has happened and i would love to tell you more :/
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Hello hello! After a busy few days I'm finally home and I've been having more chances to really get to know my tribemates better. Cindi is an absolute queen and we've talked about cooking and our siblings and I think we really vibe. Timmy and I talked a little strategy and he seems to really like me. Both of them aren't in my alliance soooo things might have to change sooner rather than later if we have to go to a third tribal. I've been talking a lot with Ali, Collin, and Austin too! Austin actually started asking me stuff about furries tonight, which I'm happy to talk about, but it is a little weird to be a representative of all furries LOL. I think as of now the best choice for me is to vote for Dan, I haven't really connected with him at all. I've been hearing his name from some others too. So for now my strategy is to play the social game and keep positive. I AM a former winner after all, even if I don't feel my win was too impressive, people will use that against me if I try to push an agenda this early on.
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I think we are all voting for Dan but I haven’t been around much today and also... my DMs are a little dry! I’m trying to catch up with everyone right now though. I really like Cindi and wish I was in an alliance with her D: Also I cannot keep my eyes open at the moment. I’ve had a crazy few days and I’m just ready to sleep! 
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAO2hLWr9oI&feature=youtu.be
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I don’t remember what the last confessional I made was. But we won the challenge thanks to some brilliant strategizing. And then CINDI just yeeted herself from the game. I now have an alliance with RACHAEL, ZACH and GAVIN. Which, in addition to my alliance of JESS and BIRCH, means I’m solid with 5 of the 8 other members in my tribe. Gotta love that.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSZ1JG5VHgc&feature=youtu.be
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Do I have any idea what is actually happening in this game. Absolutely not!! I need to pick up the pace and message more people and I know that is on me. I want to be here and play hard and will work better on doing so.
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So this round, I made an official chat with Collin and Cindi. Good news is, that will help with idol hunt guessing and such. We already ruled out that dolphins is a no go, and a few other dead end paths. I also have the light advantage which I am super excited about but nervous on when to use. With the vote this round, i find out there is a 6 person alliance chat of everyone except for myself, cindi, and Dan. Unfortunately this round there is nothing we can do to turn that tide, but next round when it is 8 of us, we only need 1 person to flip over to cindi and I plus Collin (assuming we are both still here) to make that vote go through. I know Dan is voting for me this round and I will be voting for him. He is HORRIBLE in challenges. He has done the worst in all three of the challenges so far, and honestly its his time to go. He should have gone last round to be honest but for some reason the tribe wanted Czear or whatever. Hoping for the best tonight I guess.
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https://youtu.be/xxvHRGygG0g
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OKAY I THINK I AM NOT AS FUCKED AS PREVIOUSLY EXPECTED. Like, I'm not GOOOOOOD, but I do have people. Like, Austin does have my back and we're gonna do another easy vote but he is agreeing that after this easy vote if we don't swap we need to shake things up which I am 100% in agreement with. Like, I can not stay at the bottom. I am not a bottom. I don't do underdog stories. I am not an underdog. Well, I am right now but I DO NOT ENJOY IT. I like Timmy but he is paranoid and as someone who gets to paranoid I do not need it. Like, he is going before me if power structure does not shake up, so he has his place, but PLEASE STOP REMINDING ME THAT I AM FUCKED I KNOW JESUS I DON'T DO WELL WHEN I'M PARANOID SO I GOTTA STAY CALM.
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Click HERE to watch the Round 3 Cast Assessment!
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ts-akhmim · 4 years
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Episode 4 | “ladies and gays.......the games have OFFICIALLY begun “ - Adam
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I was immune three times so far this season. Three times. and FOR WHAT? I'm so screwed if I don't win this immunity challenge. I know I'm a weak link, so if I don't win this, hopefully *dan* doesn't either cause I might have to target him to save my skin. This is where I'm really gonna have to be social over the next day, cause my ass is quite literally on the line right now. I'm not getting 18th-16th, screw this.
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ladies and gays.......the games have OFFICIALLY begun, at least for me but hopefully not just for me or uh i might be in trouble... but anywho, another brain went home sorry to this person and right when we all thought a swap of some sort was coming, BOOM a twist of all twists... EVERYONE is going to tribal, that means after this vote, we're gonna be down to 16 people just like that. But before we get there we have to get through immunity and tribal first, i saw that time was one of the tiebreakers and was doing nothing better so i figured lets get this challenge with, its counting how hard can it really be, once again however i completely underestimed my stupid bitchness! i was all the way into the 400s almost through before i MESSED UP .... TWICE ... so in the end i somehow still got 211 which i guess we'll see if that was decent, i dont think ill win but hopefully im just not last. This also means its time to start talking game, i hope no one is scared to talk game because im absolutely not. I'm not here to just sit in the shadows right away, I started messaging just a couple of the people i feel ive built some small connections with and just start to plant seeds about the vote coming up, i dont wanna throw any names out there until at least after we see who wins immunity, but as of now, connor might be a first easy boot?? either that or thats just what people are telling me to blindside me...idk im also still completely shook that the idol is out there, so i really want to vote out whoever has it so i can try to find it again.... but the only problem is i have no idea who has it, it could very well be someone i trust just keeping it to themselves like i wouldve...so we'll see, today is the calm before the storm, and i can tell you the storm is right over the horizon on its way to cause chaos for the beauties because we've been sitting pretty for far too long (pun intened), tomorrow after 9 once we see who wins, thats when i predict at least for me alliance chats and plans will hopefully start coming to fruition and uh hopefully its not me 
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When you survived that vote out when you thought you were leaving https://media.giphy.com/media/5GoVLqeAOo6PK/200_d.gif When that twist comes out where three people all leave in the same round https://media.giphy.com/media/W7RVlWfc1O9gY/giphy.gif It's moments like this that make me realize that I should have tried to convince Devon to split up Autumn & Duncan last round. Because if Isaac was here, I could have easily gotten Devon and either Duncan/Autumn on board with voting out Isaac. Now we have to go to tribal AGAIN where we have to vote out a daddy :'( I'm still up in the air about what I want to do. Part of me is thinking about doing 2 options. 1 would be to utilize Devon to split up Autumn/Duncan. OR, I can align with Autumn/Duncan and vote out Devon. It's obvious that Autumn and Duncan are a duo, and I'm almost 100% certain that they'll tell Devon to vote me and me to vote Devon. Doing so gives them full power on who to send home, so I think my best bet is to vote with Devon this round. If Devon is as with me as he says he is, then the vote should tie. If Autumn/Duncan decide to vote me out over Devon, then I would hope Devon allows it to go to a tiebreaker. If they vote Devon, then I might just flip my vote and send Devon out of the game. Devon is a "i'm 100% loyal" type of person but at the same time, he also said the same things to me that he said to Duncan. So I don't trust him 100%. I wouldn't be surprised if the three of them just decided to vote me out. If I happen to win immunity, I might actually consider allowing Devon to go to a tiebreaker. I don't have anything to lose by having Devon and either Autumn or Duncan duke it out in a challenge. Devon sucks at challenges so he'd probably go home anyways, but at least the chance at staying is better than nothing. My goal is to win this challenge first and foremost. I hope that if I win that I have some power or influence in how this vote turns out. Given that I have a 25% chance at being voted out, anything can happen.
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its literally so sad to see that the daddies have to go to tribal council. i made sure i didn't f*ck up in the immunity challenge and hopefully i have a good shot at winning it. Granted i survive this vote regardless, its going to be amazing to see the other tribes go to tribal council and test their tribe dynamics.This is like the equivalent of giving everyone a survivor wake up call. Just because we've been sucking doesn't mean we get to be spared by a swap.  No one deserves anything, you have to earn it. Worst comes to worse I would like to think I have to make fire against scott or devon, which at that point if i lose then i would have done everything i can to stay in this god forsaken game. I'm leaning more towards wanting Scott out but obvi if he wins immunity i have no issue voting for Devon. Can you imagine us not swapping after this and then having to go to tribal again!? Its starting to get quite comical that we've had to play so much already and we're not even close to merge. Wish a bitch luck i guess 
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Waiting for these results really has me terrified about how I did. Personally, I like to think I did well in that challenge. Not to toot my own horn or sound cocky, but I spent some time practicing beforehand. I went on a word doc and just kept typing numbers a few times. I also practiced breathing techniques so that I wouldn't let nerves get the best of me when it came to the challenge. AND I also played some mantras in my head to remind me to stay focus and not eat into stress. My mantras include "slow and steady wins the race" and "take a deep breath, go with the flow, just do your best, and show what you know." I also gave myself a time limit as to how long I could spend on each part. I allowed myself 13 minutes to go up, and 17 minutes to go down. I wanted more time going down since by the end my hands would get tired and having little time at the end leads to stress/a potential mess up. So I'm glad I paced myself out with it. I was really scared that my challenge wouldn't count at first because my internet froze up right as I was ending. Luckily, I took the time to take screenshots with time stamps on them just in case something happened. Cause at first I was told "you didn't complete it" and that had me PETRIFIED!! Like I desperately need to win this otherwise I'm gonna get voted out. But luckily my screenshots came through and they accepted my score of 533. If I win this immunity, I have a good chunk of power in deciding who gets voted out. And on top of that, there's no immediate consequences for my decisions. From the looks of it, it seems like Autumn and Devon did really bad in that challenge. I'm hoping that Duncan doesn't do better than me. As for this vote, I think Duncan/Autumn are definitely going to vote together. Which means that I need Devon and I to stick together for this vote. If I win immunity, then I am 100% on board with voting with Devon this round. Autumn/Duncan are too strong of a duo and they need to be split up. Otherwise if we're still together on this tribe, I get the boot soon. I realize after this that I need to work on getting new allies in this game. If I can make it up until a swap, I think I have the potential to go far. I plan to make new allies with whoever is on the swapped tribe, and I'll mention that brains tribe is dead and if they need me to prove my loyalty, I'd be willing to vote out the other two remaining brains. We'll see what happens though. If Duncan does win immunity, then I might feel out to see if Duncan/Autumn are honest about voting out Devon and if I get the vibe that they are, I'll jump on that just to get myself to the swap. Ideally, I want Devon around since I know he'll be loyal to me, but this is a situation that is far out of my control. So, let's hope I win immunity this round!
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Are all the Socotra people going to leave or like…? RIP Isaac truly, what a king! I am completely expecting a swap soon just because it makes tons of sense numbers wise? I hope we don’t because I have footing on this tribe which doesn’t happen usually so ghfjdksla
So after results, I’m mentally preparing myself for a swap because it WOULD happen yknow? Well this new twist? Has me gagged, gooped, shook, quaking, and confused all at the same time so yay for that! But yeah, it seems we’re having a nice little triple tribal feature tonight so get your popcorn folks cause the show is about to start! This twist does have me sorta shook just cause 3 people are leaving this round and we’ll be at F15… so in my head, this only confirms the fact that someone is gonna come back in the game at merge cause why wouldn’t the hosts do that? Well, I’m keeping an eye out for it all (and for Selener ofc)
Did I want to win this immunity challenge? Yes! Did that happen? No! Is that a bad thing? Honestly, not really! Like I am not the type of player that likes to be on people’s radars whatsoever so not being a winner of this game’s first individual immunity challenge is not something I can particularly mad about! Amir winning is cute like I love that for him <3 Adam did have me spooked that he was winning because he kept mentioning slightly high numbers BUT him and I did about the same so yay for us! While this vote is gonna be messy most likely, I do feel pretty secure and safe? I hate that I feel that way because I stay being caught off-guard when I feel that way but I’ve really focused on getting to know everyone here and letting the strategy come later so yeah (‘:
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okay so today was about tying up lose ends. I had to clean up anything that could be used against me, and the main issue in my game right now is that i have built a great relationship with adam and i want him to stay, but my alliance does not want him to stay. My options are to save him with my idol, or convince my alliance to keep him, however, both could completely destroy my game. all 3 of them want adam gone, and its not worth it for me to go against all their wishes and it could make them doubt my loyalty, instead im going with the plan to vote adam out (i am so sorry u dont deserve it). However, i told augusto that adam told me about numbers at the bottom of the cast reveal. I realized that now there is leverage against me, that he or adam could use, so i have told the rest of the alliance about the numbers that adam found, hopefully to show them that im insanely loyal nejkwnfke even tho im not. But now, if i go againt adam, he has no dirt on me at all, and i can go through with the alliance's plan. Furthermore, I have a relationship with both austin and aj, so if adam goes, thats fine, ill just get closer to austin. Replace the relationship. Austin is also way less likely to lie or be a rat than adam would. if i could be swapped onto a tribe with duncan and autumn from the brains, i might just have to scoop them up! but i know autumn and ali are close
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Me when I found out I won individual immunity at today's tribal and had the overall highest score out of every person in the game: https://media.giphy.com/media/1kIvUyWrdz88GKgtON/200_d.gif I was NOT expecting to do as well as I thought I did in that challenge. I expected to have won within my tribe, but not beat every single person in the game. i hope this challenge doesn't put a huge target on my back. I'm so happy that I won! Based on the mood of the camp right now, it seems like I needed to win. The only person who spoke to me prior to the challenge was Devon. Duncan's talking to me now, but I feel like it's only because I won immunity. I strongly believe that I needed this immunity otherwise I would have been voted out 3-1. Or at least a 2-2 tie if Devon is actually with me. But knowing that I play a major role in this outcome is a beautiful thing. If there was any tribal that I needed to be immune for, it would be this one. As for what I am thinking for tonight's tribal, I think that Autumn/Duncan are going to vote together this round. So this means that I could either vote with them to eliminate Devon OR I vote with Devon to cause a tie and have a tiebreaker challenge take place. Do I think Devon has a shot at winning this challenge? Honestly no... But I think voting with him has some added benefits. The first one is that it shows to everyone in the game that I'm about loyalty this time around. Secondly if he loses, it allows for me to make connections at a future swap. I can state that Autumn/Duncan are an obvious duo and that I have no allies. Showing off that look could help me gain new allies within the other tribes. Plus if Devon does win the challenge, then that's an ally I have going forward and I can state that vote as a move I made in this game at final tribal. Granted I've made moves so far in every vote during this game, but this is one that I can really emphasize towards me winning. But another reason I'm leaning towards keeping Devon is in the event that a swap doesn't happen and we lose again! By showing Devon that he almost left last round, I think he would 100% remain loyal to me for the rest of this game. However, it doesn't mean that I'm not open to hearing out other options. Devon does suck at challenges, so voting him out could be a good thing going forward. Plus I know for a fact that he's shady since he preached the same things to me that he said to Duncan. So I don't appreciate how he isn't being 100% truthful. Personally, I just don't trust any of the brains and need to jump on another tribe's bandwagon. I hope if I can make it to the swap that I can try to gain some new allies around here. Because I need people to make sure I get to the end. For now, I'm just going to hear everyone out and weigh out all of my options moving forward. I need to do what's best for Scottica going forward.
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Whhhhaaattttt? Me uploading a confessional before 4 minutes before the next day??????? What a twist!!!!!! 
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Anyways, the vote has come down to Devon leaving this round. Which doesn't surprise me, I expect Duncan/Autumn to not want to vote each-other out. Knowing that these two are unbreakable makes me want to work with Devon. But then Duncan also made the point that Devon comes off as the least threatening. Which is also true, he's the only one on our tribe who hasn't made it to the FTC yet. This has me thinking "let me talk to Devon about the tiebreaker challenge so he can figure out who he thinks he can beat" So I went into a call with Devon tonight basically expecting him to be down for a tiebreaker challenge against whoever he thought he could beat in the challenge, but ended up leaving the call actually wanting to vote him out because of how annoying he was throughout the whole call.... Me: "Hey Devon, Autumn and Duncan are 100% going to vote you out tonight. I will vote with you, but I need to know who you think you can beat in a tiebreaker challenge because if I vote with you, you need to win this challenge. Otherwise, I'll be public enemy #1 if you lose" Devon: "Well I think I could beat Duncan in a tiebreaker because he's throwing my name out there to try and get me out. Also, I've been completely honest with you this whole time so I hope that you'll vote with me tonight because I was going to go to the end with you. Anytime I was under the hot seat in Guyana, I made sure to win that challenge." Me: *looks at Guyana's wikia to see he won 1 immunity challenge and read confessionals about how he's a liar, a backstabber, and can't be trusted* The whole time he kept asking me who I wanted out and I'm like "none of the politics matter this round" Why? Because if it's a 2-2 tie, it comes down to how well you do in that challenge. Like I tried to tell this man he needs to bring his A game in the challenges. And he isn't even seeing that as a factor. Personally, I think Devon has a better chance at beating Autumn in a tiebreaker. Duncan performed better in all of the previous challenges so far. So the fact that he isn't really seeing this on a challenge performance level and more of a threat level shows that he doesn't see the severity of this situation. Chances are we will swap next round, so I can try vote Devon out and use connections to say "hey, I'm next to go on this tribe please align with me" in an attempt to get new allies. Plus Devon's paranoia really has me saying forget the whole tiebreaker plan and vote him out. UPDATE: I had to stop typing this confessional because Duncan called me to tell me Devon told him about the tiebreaker challenge and in all honesty Devon is a dumbass (sorry Devon) like his lack of perception in this game is TRULY astounding. Duncan and I basically spent the time bonding over his lack of sincerity and that Autumn is better for a swap. And with the performance he's putting on tonight, I'm ready to vote him out. I just have to hope we actually swap because if we do another tribe challenge and we lose AGAIN I know I get the boot. Also, I realize more and more that Devon really sucks at challenges and there's no way he can beat Autumn or Duncan at a challenge. So I guess I'm voting him out this round and then HOPING this doesn't come to bite me in the butt at the end. Sorry Devon. I wish I could have kept you, but you should have kept your mouth shut to Duncan & Autumn :/
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... yeah I don’t think I can vote out Adam. Which is a shame because I made a promise and an alliance chat with Austin. But realistically Adam is a better player to keep around. He’s more easy going than Austin and more vengeful against the Brawn tribe which is definitely something worth keeping around. Also I accidentally just made an alliance with him. I really need to stop doing that before I start to face actual repercussions for my actions. Austin didn’t tell me his plans to vote out Connor so in my mind that’s sketchy as fuck. And I know he just got voted out of a game and I’d feel like a prick for voting him out. But we don’t have room for doubt in our tribe alliance. What if he’s trapped alone with Connor on a different tribe? Can we trust him not to vote for him? What if we merge and he feels the need to go off script? Will he just fuck off and do his own thing? And sure Adam most likely has an idol but he won’t have it forever. Sooner or later he’s going to have to use it and wouldn’t we be better off if he used it for us rather than against us? Then we can go in for the kill with his weapon down the hatch and our trust in his back pocket. Now I just need to express this to my teammates with out sounding like a psycho or a loon.
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*sarah maclachlan playing in the background* hello ladies and gays, my name is adam, and welcome to..... my survivor funeral. In all my times playing tumblr survivor, the same situation has just ironically always happened to me, the very first tribal i partake in, my name ALWAYS gets thrown out there and i almost go home, but i somehow weasel my way out of it, and i think this time may be the one that finally gets me and stops me dead in my tracks this is gonna be a lot of tea so buckle up and get your teacups gorls, so basically immunity ends, i lose whatever i came close but ive never been one to need to rely on challenges to win, except maybe i did need this one, anywho after the challenges i go around and try to pick some brains, im hesitant about throwing a name out there but i did innevitably mention connor's name only to augusto/amir and austin mentioned voting connor to me first, i did say i felt disconnected to connor to austin first but i didnt say anything about voting him out first, anywho so im sitting here thinking...ok this seems too easy especially because i messaged other people aka augusto/amir and literally was getting no responses from them right away?? like im not an idiot, im of course assuming theyre plotting against me and normally im just being paranoid but NOT this time because AJ comes to me, because little does everyone know aj is definitely a friend of mine so he mentioned to me that kendall allegedly messaged this group chat they had the other day from the challenge i WILLINGLY sat out in, and was like "so obvious alliance without alex or adam and lets vote one of them out xD" like ooh ok you got me, congrats the only way you can play survivor successfully is by creating an alliance of circumstance that has nothing to build off of, its so frustrating the ONE time i really come into this game playing, like ive messaged and genuinely tried building relationships and for them to basically just all of the sudden be null and void over nothing??? it irks me i wont lie. It dissappoints me, and honestly upsets me. Im not an outwardly emotional person usually but im kinda upset over this? i know its a game and i shouldnt be taking it personally, but for me to have started building connections with people like augusto and amir and for them to just throw me down the river just because i wasnt included in their group bothers me. i guess i know its the name of the game, but what really upsets me is ive been TRYING and then theres people like connor who aj has said wasnt even ON the other group call for long at all and made no contribution??? but youre gonna vote me out.......someone who genuinely wanted to work with you people and am here to do so??? i guess on the bright side i can take some flattery if i leave first because aj said if they vote me over austin its because they view me as a bigger threat than him.....which they are 150% right to do so, however....they dont know im a threat!!!!! like i said some of these people havent even tried to get to even know me so how can you try and make conclusions about me already?????? AND YALL ARE REALLY SO DIMWITTED YOU THINK ID WORK WITH JAKEY ON THE OTHET SIDE BECAUSE I KNOW HIM???? what part of i voted him OUT last game, he NOR i have played since which shows you how traumatic it was, like i know he's against me already so im 100% not wanting to work with him. but guess what, if by SOME miracle i survive this tribal, and i would really need a miracle, if a swap comes soon i am 100% going to flip because augusto? dead to me. he can stream jlo for all i care. amir? sorry to this man who i barely know and tried to work with because we had a brief tumblr history together, which i barely knew him then either, clearly i made the right call not associating with him often, kendall, she's perhaps the fakest of them all, she basically messaged me and when i said what were you thinking she said "ive heard austin and connor but i DONT want to vote austin" so in my mind i know its really me or austin so good job, you just told the person you want out that you want them out. my plan now is to simply try to survive right now, and if that means having to vote austin out its what im gonna do, but aj himself has told me amir/augusto would be open to working with me had i proposed some type of alliance to them, so thats my next plan, i hope i can make them want to work with me over kendall/connor, and the 4 of us form a REAL alliance, and if they want austin ill vote austin, at this point i switch into flight or fight mode and as much as i love a good fight, i have to keep my claws put away for this one,  no one knows how BAD i want to just call out all of this tribe for lying right to my face and keeping me in the dark for no reason other than a pure coincidence, if they vote me out ill tell them off as i walk out of course, but i really dont want to blow up ajs game and i want this plan to work.... so ive got to shut my big mouth right now and try to outplay as much as i would like to just outscream them all right now.. anywho, its not looking good for me. i have about a 45% chance of survival i feel like, so send me all the positive energy you can because a bitch needs it, god speed yall and ill see you on the other side one way or another...
ugh one last thing i forgot......if im really voted out first and get that cirie hvv treatmeant because in my mind i just WANT to be her.......lets omit this time! no need to update the wiki, we'll press delete and pretend this moment never happened because thats how im going to treat it especially these FAKE ass PHONY ass people. FRAUDS. all of them. like i get it, im a fake bitch at times obviously like thats the game but im not used to people being fake to ME like it hurts especially when you think youre feeling real bonds with people..... i- lemme not start going on and on again. im not a quitter, im a tough cookie, ive had way worst problems in life ive figured out on my own and luckily im not completely alone with aj unless he's just been playing me which then OUCH that would hurt 1000x more but i genuinely dont think he is, at this point i trust him with my life in this game because i feel like he's my key to staying. i need him, and i need augusto/amir, even though they've hurt my feelings and i want my revenge, i have to compose myself and play my cards right, this is a war, not a battle, and while i may lose all at once, i have to play the move i think will most best keep me here one night longer ...  
oh gorl ok i promise LAST ONE i just have to get this off my chest! ok so, after thinking about it and smoking a nighttime bowl i'm less UPSET about the possibility of me going home first on the beauty's and now i'm just more confused, augusto did message me back and was saying he'd be interested in my proposed alliance however he could easily be lying to me since he's been lying to me already this whole game however i have no choice other than to try this hail mary, i also think i'm gonna try to plant doubt against kendall because she directly told me she was basically voting me out, so i'm gonna go around and tell people she refused to vote austin out, because she did say that, and hopefully they don't just give in to her bidding. i can't really be mad, we won't be singing amigas cheetahs tonight, but i'm gonna turn my frustration into work, i see multiple scenarios in my head the moment i start to feel the one i'm in is heading south so right now my only chance of making it through is pushing this alliance and testing the connections i've been trying to build, wish me luck if i hear something good from amir there might be a glimmer of hope? probably not but i'll absolutely try just for the good edit of a dramatic tribal dahling 
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So first off, fuck Skype. Because if Skype wasn't a laggy ass bitch, I would have won that immunity. But it's fine because I don't think I'm going anywhere just yet. It's been very refreshing to have multiple people come up to me and say they want to work with me. Like Jakey obviously has been the person I've been able to talk to openly since Day 2. And I knew Dan and I had a mutual bond that would allow a good amount of trust, so it was nice to see that become much more evident when he came to me to talk game. Now I have Jordan and Ali who both said they want to work with me / guaranteed not write my name down. And Liam is hardcore pitching to me and actually making a lot of sense. So now even though I thought I would go for Liam this round, I actually think I may push for Lovelis to go. It's a weird thought that the person I just finished a game with would be the one I'm going to probably vote tonight, but it may make the most sense for my game. I admittedly also don't think everyone voted out is going to get eliminated. My guess is one of them survive and then we have a swap with 2 tribes of 8, but we shall see!
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It’s tribal time y’all! My alliance (me, Amir, Kendall, Connor) had the idea of adding AJ to our circle as it would be super easy to do so as we all are in a challenge chat together which is nice. I do really like AJ now like we’ve really connected these past few days and have had a little duo-bond going on so this 5 person alliance is the best chance for us to get even closer in a game-sense. We all went on call and discussed the topic of Adam versus Austin. While AJ and Amir would prefer to keep Adam, Kendall prefers to keep Austin. I’m genuinely on the fence because I like both of them and they both like me a lot? I tried to rationalize it in a game sense of Austin is slightly more transparent and easier to read while also having a weird social game that would keep one of us over him in a swap scenario. Adam, on the other hand, is probably more dangerous long term as he could cause more damage and his relationship with Jakey is very up in the air in terms how it affects us in a swap. So for the immediate future, Austin would be better to keep around because of a swap but thinking about the long-term, Adam could be better as he could be a shield? It’s interesting like this vote really is about weighing instant gratification versus delayed gratification and seeing which helps us out more?
While on our 5 person alliance chat call, AJ ended up revealing how the idol system works which…. YAAAAASSS we won! A thing that concerned me is that he said someone had already found something which is likely Adam considering he had told Amir about the numbers thing beforehand? That is just my gut telling me that though but it’s something we gotta think about hmmmm… very inch resting.
Not Kendall and I making an alliance with Austin ghfjdsk, it FINALLY happened but it’s kinda silent so far? I’m kinda side-eying Austin as when I talked to him about the vote, he had only mentioned Adam to me whereas he mentioned Adam and Connor to other people so it’s like… do you REALLY trust me? I don’t really know anymore, it’s something to keep in mind though!
We had agreed on voting Adam and not gonna lie, I feel awful about it from a personal standpoint? I really really like Adam like we have so many similarities and common interests so I’ve really grown to appreciate our bond. Adam had mentioned making an alliance with me, him, Amir, and AJ and told me that he wanted to ask me how I felt about that before he told the others because he really values my opinion which made my heart cry. To make matters worse, he told me how he feels he can FINALLY experience a game where he has genuine people he likes to work with and cause damage like AHHHH I feel so bad because a part of me wants to keep him but my loyalty to my people is outweighing that? Like I do genuinely want to keep Adam because he’s amazing and I would feel awful voting him out because I think he’ll take it the most personally from me and I don’t want to be the cause of someone else’s pain/sadness ever yknow? Ugh, it’s just a lot and I probably seem like an emotional mess but I think I have to put more value in my head over my heart in this game and this could be a start? 
I went to bed sad about having to vote Adam today and I woke up to Kendall wanting to call me. We go on call and debate whether the fact we wanna vote for Adam to begin with and we were both kinda like… we honestly don’t? Not just because we like Adam but Austin is not being as transparent or present as we would’ve hoped so it kinda helps us make our decision for us? I did tell her about Adam’s alliance proposal because I also want to be as transparent as possible and even flipped it in a way that we can make Adam feel extra comfortable with a false majority so if he does have an idol, we can keep him from ever playing it. Not just that, but we can also convince Adam to vote Austin instead of Connor like he wants to by us falsely stating Connor helped out tons in the challenge and while he won’t be completely active, that’s to our benefit and not a detriment at all. We then got on call with AJ and he agreed with our points so yay for saving Adam? I’m genuinely happy with this especially since Adam does benefit my longer term game and I love him so <3 
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I am SHAKING right now. It's obviously come down to either between me or Liam L, and it sucks! I didn't want to vote out Liam but my hand has been forced at this point! He's been on away all morning so I've made my move, trying to hit up Ali, Jordan, Jakey, TJ, even Dan (who answered me then went on away c':) I THINK I've done a good job of speaking as to why I'd like to stay? Jordan is keeping me updated and TJ said he will as well, so I hope they're telling the truth..
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Since it's been awhile, there are a few things to go over: 1. The alliance between myself/Scott/Duncan/Autumn has been so successful so far. We survived three straight tribal councils after losing three straight competitions. We didn't waiver a single bit from one another and that is so rare in Survivor. 2. Going into this round, I thought my only chance was to enter a tiebreaker against Duncan and try and win in a competition. I pleaded to Scott for his vote, but he was skeptical. 3. With my back up against the wall, I confronted Duncan in hopes of flipping his vote. As a result, a chat between myself/Duncan/Scott was created. 4. As long as Scott/Duncan aren't playing me, this could very well be the fourth tribal council in which I survived with my name being mentioned in three of them. Slithering doesn't always work, but this round has been the toughest one to date. 
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it's still day 9 and SO much more has already happened... i could be writing to you from the grave with this, but i think, maybe just maybe, i might have a shot at staying now. its so crazy how fast this game really changes, last night i was in a horrible mood (so SORRY  to everyone i dragged in my last confessionals my feelings were hurt and i was moody i take it back! especially telling augusto to listen to jlo that was just CRUEL. howvever it was because i thought it was game over me, i saw this major alliance form right in front of my eyes that i was on the outs in, and with the help of AJ, i was able to just maybe infiltrate and create my own counter alliance with some of the people from that majority who just might like me a little bit more. Even if i get voted out tonight, i can go out with my head held high now because even if these people are playing me, ive tried my best and attempted to make some form of a move even if the move is just saving myself, i wanted to maybe work with austin but however i dont see it in the stars for us anymore This is why ive worked hard on maintaining steady social relationships, this right here, because today i made an offical alliance chat with Me, AJ, Augusto, and Amir, and while i definitely still have my doubts about Augusto/Amir, right now im stuck with them. If i want to survive this vote, i need to see if i can trust them, if they are legit about being real to my proposed alliance instead of their other one, theyll vote with me tonight and we'll take baby steps and go from there. I absolutely have been playing the pity card, with all of them and even kendall. I'm making sure people think im just this nice funny person who wants to play the game and have a shot, which is true, but im willing to do anything to stay, its just funny to me how last night i was having a breakdown over everyone saying im a threat and wanting me out, and i didnt completely get it at first, but you know what if the vote really doesnt fall on me tonight and i somehow survive, then maybe theyre right and maybe i am a threat if i can help to flip this whole tribe in a matter of hours. I even begun platning seeds against kendall because i know she was throwing my name around and you most certainly wont get away with that sis. I begun telling people she refused to vote for austin, because she did, she foolishly told me that and now im gonna use it against her. I dont think I can pull off voting her out this round, i need to focus on saving myself, but just know she's awoken the beast and i have her in my future sights. pray for me yall, im playing every single card i can in what could be a hopeless last ditch effort. But i think my odds of staying may really be going up, unless these people are just THAT good at being fake then....they got me gal. 
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This tribal council is really about to raise my blood pressure huh? Its crazy cause I am quite confident I am not going home tonight, I would say most of the tribe as well feels that way and most i think should. As far as im concerned Myself, Dan (whose immune duh), Ali, Jakey and even TJ knows that its gonna be one of the Liams. Liam is aware that hes at risk cause hes been innactive and is throwing out lovelis name. Lovelis, I think doesnt know hes at risk, which is dumb cause he has not had a good social game so far and just thinks its easy on Liam. It might not be though, Liam has been ramping up his game a bit to try to stay safe (my advice to him of course) and I think it may be working. Obviously I know I can trust Liam and in most other circumstances i think I would work with him without question, however because this is a main season and he played in survivor jordan pines, its such an easy link to us that I just worry how it might affect ME down the road. Obviously if I can keep Liam safe tonight I will, but I am not fighting a hard fight to keep someone who may eventually be a detriment to my game whereas lovelis could be a lot of different possibilites. Im unsure where the road goes now, I think I am gonna call with my alliance of Ali Jakey and Dan later to try to think of a name, we just need to make a decision between the two already so I know which i should be priming up to be a goat for me and which I should cut loose haha.
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https://drive.google.com/file/d/1LHsOiuD0RNMuor24fzziE04b_iTVsFRD/view?usp=sharing
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okay so my video confessional is uploading but i think liam lovelis is doomed! he seems like a king but he needed to put in work to stay this round and i dont think he did unfortunately :(
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well, in a sick turn of events, we did NOT swap tribes! in fact we were punished for god knows what as all tribes were required to go to tribal, so immunity was individual! the challenge itself was HELL and i am not going to talk about it other than the fact that i literally could've won if i didn't fuck up the second time. thankfully amir won, so i'm happy! going into tribal, however, i was in the mood to vote either austin or connor. i've kinda connected with everyone else on the tribe totally to the point where i don't want to vote them off right now, and while both are amazing, i ain't really CLICKING with them like that. but to be fair, they both have outside priorities like work and school so i can excuse the lack of conversation. i assumed initially that it was going to be a matter of no one wanting to step on any toes, so there'd just be a bunch of "oh i haven't heard anything yet" and beating around the bush, BUT kendall swooped in and declared our challenge chat from the last immunity (which consisted of her/me/augusto/amir/connor) an alliance, to which we all agreed. obviously i wasn't gonna turn it down! these were people who i really vibed with! it just sucks that someone like adam was a victim of circumstance and isn't able to be able to be apart of the alliance. we all (bar connor) hopped on call to discuss a vote and while it seemed like austin was gonna be the initial vote based off of what everyone was saying, ADAM ended up being the target that night. i played along and just went with it but i knew i had to do something since i wasn't gonna let adam go out like that. i tried to wave the caution of a potential idol play by bringing up the tomb system and how i cracked the code (per adam's hard work), but at the time it only pushed that vote further! we were under the impression that adam was throwing around connor's name, but on the contrary it was austin from what we've gauged. adam went to augusto i believe and brought up that he's heard connor, which only could've came from austin! this is where the conversation itself started to take a turn, so the vote went from adam to adam(?). everyone dispersed and like 5 minutes later i called adam DJKALSJFKJ. i had to let him know what was going on! he, of course, began panicking and started plotting on how he'd bounce back from this and i was a little weary at first. one thing i didn't want him to do was throw me under the bus or snap, it wouldn't his or my game for that matter. so i suggested he try to craft an alliance with myself, augusto, and amir. while he doesn't really trust the latter and plans on flipping in the event a swap comes, i knew that it'd be way harder for the vote to NOT be adam if he put them in this kind of position that austin isn't offering them. i went to sleep and when we woke up, kendall proposed another call! thankfully, she suggested flipping to austin, to which augusto and i agreed, because honestly adam does NOT deserve to be the first person gone from this tribe. so like that the vote went from adam to austin and things were pretty cemented, with it not changing as of the time i'm writing this. we're currently under the impression that austin is voting connor, which is fine since we got connor's blessing to keep his name out there since we DID here it, and it's best to keep adam feeling safe. ugh the way i was expecting a HEADACHE this morning if things didn't start the change like oh brother... bless up. p.s. chrissy hofbeck let me DOWN. i love that queen but she replied to my dm for the first challenge which was almost over a week ago today?! wow chrissy. 
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So we're just a couple hours until tribal; essentially the whole tribe has agreed to do Lovelis at this point, and now somehow Lovelis knows that Liam had been targeting him. A couple people think that Ali is the reason why, but there's a chance it was me who actually is at fault because I confirmed it to Lovelis after he asked a second time, but I'm not going to full out admit that there was a chance that it was me (other than explaining the first half of my convo) because people doubting Ali is actually going to be kind of decent for my game. Ali is a huge threat moving forward and I trust Jakey, Dan, and Jordan more than him at the moment, so if it poses some doubt... it may not be the worst thing in the world. Russell hat might be out today ;)
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okay so i have a video confessional uploading but i unfortunately think liam lovelis is going home! i love him so much he is so lovely, but i think he didn't put the work he needed to, to stay. would love to work with him in a different game, in a different situation but am sad it wasn't to be. i love my brawn men and i'm SO SAD that we are probably going to be separated. also im so sick and alyssa is gonna wonder who the old crone wheezing on call is and its me
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So I won immunity hehehehe we love being masc and winning comps. But anyway I’m happy I’m safe going into the triple tribal. It’s all I really wanted. Should be an easy vote. Lovelis is just like not around enough. And he’s connected to TJ, so it will be nice having TJ somewhat to myself without distraction? That’s probably not actually the truth but let’s pretend it is. 
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Adam wants to make an alliance with me and Augusto and Aj, but like, fuck. It’s too late. The 3 of us are already with Connor and Kendall, but Adam is being genuine and honest with us and it’s just really sad that this is the way this has to go down. If I was in his position I’d be so sad, so it’s making this game hard, but the logical part of me knows that eliminating him at this moment is the right move . I haven’t played these games in almost 3 years, and I know that you have to be a predator in this game, not prey, and you can’t let your emotions stop you from positioning yourself as best as possible. Do what u gotta do and feel bad later ! But for the record, I do feel damn awful for this , sorry adam
What in the fuck I literally woke up and my alliance wants to KEEEEP ADAMMMMMM KDJDJDSNSJSNKDNDKDDNDND AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I CANNOT TELL IF IM HAPPY OR PISSED OFFFFFF I can work with Adam, and I can be tight with him, but the alliance known that Adam told me about numbers on the blog and i made ppl think he has the idol, so as long as Kendall Augusto and Aj don’t spill those beans to Adam, him staying is still okay in my game, this just puts me in a slight risk zone, it’s a loose end And I don’t really know how to go about it I’m not gonna try and convince them to remove Adam when he obviously trusts me Kendall is a damn crackhead I love her tho like in a weird way I really do trust her??? I feel like I can read her pretty well I literally can’t go to sleep without my alliance changing fucking everything I CANT SLEEEEP ever again huh Chile... tbis is our first vote and I’m ??  
is it against the rules to go to my alliance members houses one by one and jump them?
Amir u stupid ass bitch... dipping my hands into too many cookie jars i got close with adam and then distanced from him cuz he was leaving and now i got to get closer again cuz hes staying. but adam likes me and augusto the most on the tribe i think me and augusto are the closest with everyone on our tribe and that makes him my biggest social threat, but hes also my closest ally so like this is good at this stage, we have a lot of pull
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okay so this twist is crazy and i'll like properly articulate my thoughts tomorrow but all i want to say is everytime autumn messages me i get such a rush of seretonin - wow do i stan her.
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These are my pre-triple tribal thoughts https://youtu.be/18jIBeTw_lY
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Well well it seems these bitches haven't got rid of me yet. I don't feel they will give me a chance to actually be back in the game but I'm gonna fight my ass off to try. I love the game and I dont go down easy.  I'll kiss ass or do whatever I have to do to save myself . Tumblr survivor gods please please please be with me 
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hey you guys its me adam and im coming to you from the survivor afterlife because they succeeded and just voted me ou- wait.... wait a minute, wait what?? the hator beauties DIDNT vote me out?????? GORL i am counting my blessings that my dumbass somehow survived the first vote, ESPECIALLY after finding out my name was not only thrown out there, but that it was a LOCKED plan. Literally sent me into a whole tizzy and caused me to doubt my self worth because i felt so bad about my gameplay but BITCH, i still got it. Yes, the rumors are true, you CANT kill a bad bitch. MANY THANKS TO AJ. I absolutely give credit where credit is due, if it weren't for aj telling me about the plan to get me out, i never would have played as hard as i did today, before i went to bed last night i basically talked to everyone, kendall/amir/augusto and was just making sure they all heard me out, i played up big time that i wanted to just be here for the team, and how BADLY i wanted to be able to play with loyal people, especially when i made the alliance chat for me/amir/augusto/aj because aj told me they did say theyd be open to an alliance with me so i think me doing all that and then of course aj's impact from the inside definitely lead everyone to change their minds and so then today the plan was shifted to austin i didnt want to vote austin honestly, but at that point it was me or him and my instincts always are fine with it, AS LONG AS IT AINT ME. PERIOD. They absolutely made the wrong choice though, because especially LEARNING all the information i did, ill never trust a single person on this tribe again, except aj, and i will absolutely be looking for the cracks and to possibly flip in. also after tribal , we got bombarded with this twist, SOMEONE IS COMING BACK FROM ONE OF THESE 3 TRIBALS???AND WE'RE ON A ONE WORLD BEACH NOW??? gorl its time to get to WORK, immediately upon entering this beach with everyone, austin messages  ALL the beauties swearing he wants to work with us still if we bring him back- but then goes and messages EVERY other person, and here's the best part- INCLUDING THE OTHER PEOPLE VOTING TO COME BACK IN AJFSDKH LIKE WHAT HE ASKED DEVON TO VOTE HIM BACK IN I WAS SCREAMING austin, thank you for showing the beauties we made the right choice, and hopefully we pull it off and you dont come back, sorry nothing against you though!!! im immediately leaning towards bringing devon back, because well the brains are just not really a threat at the moment and the last thing we need is braun gaining a number on us. Austin also told me my name was an option for the vote from tribal, which i completely was aware of but had to act like i didnt know because i didnt want aj exposed, HOWEVER now that austin has brought this up i can freely mention it to whomever now, so i immediately bring it up in my chat with amir/augusto and lemme tell yall.... ive never heard a silence quite this loud. whats wrong? yall dont wanna be honest with me about having a whole alliance just to conspire to vote me out????? this was a test from me, i gave them the oppurtunity to come clean and they refused. it shows me i clearly cant trust them, but again, until i know what the hell is going on in this game now, im stuck with them until i can make a move against them. kendall also came to me saying "hey can i ask you something" so i go sure gal whats the tea and she asks me "was i an option for the vote because austin said i was" so i was like omg no! of course not!!! because realistically she wasnt, even though she absolutely shouldve been for daring to raise her tongue against me IM ONTO YOU SIS... i know exactly what shes doing, she knows austin is telling me i was an option so shes probably hoping by telling me that i wont believe austin, but silly girl, i already knew about all yall's trifling ways!!! anyway, send fucking help we need it, the beauties are the FAKEST group on this island. im having better conversations with people from the other tribes i dont even know during this one world twist... also was able to catch up with jakey....that was interesting, we always have great convos because like we just know each other so well, and he's acting like he's forgivven and forgotten about challengers vs. champions, but i know him well enough to know he's NOT going to trust me this game because well...if i were him i absolutely wouldnt trust me either, we're kinda like parvati/amanda in hvv. Ill keep him on my backburner, incase we swap and im with him i at least want a fighting chance, if i HAVE to work with him but i probably will end up having to target him because i know him all too well and how he plays, its dangerous for EVERYONE. (but mostly for me, which is what's most important) 
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Of course it wasn't a swap! That would be too easy!!!!!!!!! No we had to make it as dramatic as fucking possible and vote some sap back into the game!!!! UGH Well, at least this gives us all time to scout out the competition. And believe you me it has taken a lot of will power to not compulsively make another alliance. I mean, I did, but like with Jordan Pines so that doesn't count. I have reunited with my Survivor Dad Scott, my pizza molester friend Liam, former Gorlley Duncan, and my former arch enemy Jakey. I say former but Jakey clearly doesn't see me that way. He still had me on block and allegedly the first thing he messaged Adam was if "it was safe to unblock me". Like dude, Neverland was 4 years ago get a grip. I mean yeah, I'm playing up the arch enemy aspect on my side but that's more for my own amusement/Adam's loyalty. I genuinely didn't have an opinion on him anymore. I mean, I do NOW but I assure you it is purely built on self defense. Admittedly, I wasn't on my best behavior during that time and I will apologize for it but damn dude keep my name out of your mouth. Speaking of people who won't shut the fuck up, we have Austin!!!!!! He has made a point to swear loyalty to Brains, Brawn and Beauty. Which I get you have only 24 hours to find safety but like do better. He also told Adam that we were targeting him at first tribal council, which is admittedly accurate but also incredibly inconvenient for the rest of us. Luckily Adam seems to hold us in higher regard plus I miggghhhhhtttttt have lied to him a wittle wit in order to make him doubt Austin. 9:49 PM Hey can I ask you a question? Adam, 9:52 PM omg of course 9:53 PM Was I an option for last tribal? Adam, 9:53 PM omg 9:53 PM It’s okay if I was but you have to tell me if my name was written down Adam, 9:54 PM absolutely not??? like im not even joking i did not HEAR your name once or even consider you myself and if anyone else did they never said it to me did austin tell you that? I know every season I'm very insistent on how evil I am but I genuinely believe this season I've crossed several ethical boundaries. Like damn, I voted out my first game ally, I tricked both AJ and Adam into thinking they are in a position of power, and now this bullshit? I genuinely hope that this doesn't blow up in my face cause it very well could but if it doesn't... well now I have a spare ally. So obviously Austin is not coming back under any circumstances. Which leaves the two other schmucks: Lovelis and Devon. Lovelis has yet to message me anything and Devon has been a fun conversation. So... as you can see this is going to be a very tough call. I am going to have to pray on it :/. What's that Survivor Jesus? You think we should save Devon? Ehhhh let me talk to Survivor Buddha first, I'll get back to you. 
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just as much i know yall wish i would shut up these people CONTINUE TO TRY ME AND PUSH MY BUTTONS AND I CANT TRUST ANYONE CLEARLY SO I HAVE TO COME HERE TO RUN MY BIG MOUTH basically, i wake up this morning and while i know austin is just on a beauty tribe crusade throwing us all under the bus to try and get the votes back in, which i completely cant blame him for anyone considering we all did blindside him, HOWEVER i decided to message him again this morning and try and get some more tea out of him, i figure if he's hear i may as well hear him out now, in no way shape or form do i plan on voting for him to come back into the game, but i want this information for my own good, so i decide to ask him who all was telling him to vote for me and what was said, and he tells me that kendall, amir, and augusto all said my name AND that apparently they were calling me a rat too?? now, i know, he's desperate so he'll say whatever, but i firmly believe there's usually a little truth to every lie, so upon finding this out i decide im sick of holding it in, so i message augusto and amir to basically call them out. i wanted to play it very carefully because once again its a test of trust, are they gonna be upfront with me and let me know i was on the chopping block, even if they were considering voting for me as long as they told me, id possibly be able to move foward with them, but again, just like last night, i mention it today and i get LIED TO. augusto wants to play dumb and say "omg i never said that! why would i ever say that about you?!" well idk, why would you act like you're my friend and wanna work with me only to join a super alliance behind my back and make a plan to vote me out? he's lied to my face now more than once and so with that, CANCELLED. Amir at least told me he heard my name but guess what he obviously wasnt gonna do it, which is still a lie i know they all agreed to my name because of aj, but at least amir didnt completely undermine my intelligence and lie to me about it. THESE PEOPLE REALLY THINK IM ADAM THE CLOWN, ADAM THE FOOL, ADAM THE DUMMY WHO CANT FIGURE ANYTHING OUT, WELL GUESS WHAT BEAUTIES. I DID. i completely feel like sandra on the villains tribe, i cant STAND these people anymore and what annoys me more than them lying to me, is them thinking theyre clever enough to trick me with this stupid ass lie kendall made up about how austin was saying the vote was on her like gorl plea we still have a few hours on this one world beach, so i decide now is my time to START planting seeds to make my move. i have to be extremely careful here, because while the beautiues have completely enraged me and awoke the beast within, im absolutely gonna return their fakery with absolutely fraudulentism. yall wanna lie to me? ok game on, ill lie 10x as hard to you now. i obvioulsy want to just blow my top and make them feel stupid because i know theyre lying, but i have to be smart, for all i know after this person comes back, we could very well head to our same tribes still, or i end up with a beauty majority and i need them to think im with them .. BUT GOOD GOD PLEASE GIVE ME A TRIBE SWAP, AT THIS POINT ID PROBABLY GET MORE STIMULATING CONVERSATIONS WITH TREES THAN THIS TRIBE. Whoever told them they were beautiful people actually lied to them because theyre all UNQUALIFIED to be on the beautys. at this point i want devon to come back, ive had nice little convos with him and im trying to talk to all the brains to be quite honest because, if it were up to me, i would absolutely flip and work with the brains if they would allow me to work with them because clearly i cant trust the beauties???? HELL, I MIGHT EVEN HAVE TO WORK WITH JAKEY IF HE'D TRUST ME JUST BECAUSE I OBVIOUSLY CANT TRUST THEM??? the enemy of my enemy is my friend, and at this point, the beauties are my enemy. im really hoping my big mouth doesnt get me in trouble because i could be talking to these brains and they very well could go behind my back to the other beauties and im voted off soon, but im hoping they just realize based on the convos im trying to have with them, that im absolutely open to flipping, the beauties may be the devil i know but id rather go home trying to make a move rather than just sitting on the bottom waiting to be picked off, and if the beauties think im gonna just be that person, they made a grave mistake in not voting me out then. If youre gonna throw my name out there, vote me out because i guarantee once i hear it, ill never trust you again. in conclusion, this video about sums up how i feel about the rest of the beauties: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_iM4Z8FkQg
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Jeff Probst Voice: And meanwhile on One World Jakey teaches Kendall how food delivery works. djfadklajdkfajkfdjafklds; I feel like a bit of an ass. Me and Jakey talked it over, turns out neither of us entirely remember what our feud was about. We also agreed to be a secret duo while playing up our 'alleged" animosity. I'm keeping him at arms length because I don't entirely trust him but he's easy to talk to, and who am I to decline a free ally. Austin meanwhile continues to spiral further. I feel kind of bad honestly but not enough to save him. He apparently told Adam that we called him a rat? Which, we did a lot of things to Adam but nothing directly disparaging his personality. He's a really pleasant and nice person, he's so pleasant and nice everyone else in the alliance was super reluctant to vote for him while his name was on the table. Which was kind of infuriating at the time but now that we are dealing with this shit storm it's a nice quality. Devon is laying it on thick with me. He has said shit like "I'm rooting for you in the VL" and " I obviously want YOUR trust more than anything in this game" okay that one in hindsight could be a reference to needing a vote. On the other hand he's been very straightforward about not making any promises and I really respect that. It's interesting how everyone wants him back, including the people who voted him out. Which makes me curious, did they plan for this? Lovelis is still a non entity... tribal is in like an hour and fifteen minutes you think he'd pop in with a sup or something? In terms of the idol talk, Jordan and I have compared notes. I told him that Adam probably has it and he told me everyone on his tribe knew about the numbers. So... if we switch it up or go back we can double check and look to see if it's there. I don't entirely trust people on the outside. Don't get me wrong I get along splendidly with Brain and 4 out of the 6 Brawn players seem to enjoy my company. But my loyalty first and foremost belongs to the beauties. You know that, I know that, now let's keep them from figuring that part out. ;)  
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okay so, i survived my first tribal. my anxiety was really acting up and i like astral-projected during it, but i survived which is what counts. i've tried to take today off because i dont want this game to be ali has an emotional meltdown the entire time and i think im doing okay. anyway SO liam lovelis went home and i really like him but its also like, he really was not putting in the work to stay, and i really respected Liam M's hustle! so it was what happened, and him fighting Liam M was kinda mean JASKDF like idk what he expected Liam M to do instead, it was just the way things shook out. okay and then we have this crazy twist.. the hosts really really said you are anxious? time to get anxious-er. so we are voting either devon, austin or lovelis back into the game. lovelis has fully gone ghost (at least for me), and i think he is kinda done with the game so i think its gonna be between austin and devon. i think devon is who is going to come back, he is handling this perfectly just chilling and being straight up. otherwise so the people i have spoken to since is: Duncan - a king!! he is one of my oldest org friends, he has a different energy now, am determined to prove to him i'm not annoying anymore - loved that he admitted to me he used to find me annoying Augusto - he is really lovely, already clearly MEGA social which is really scary! i like him a lot tho could be a good person in a swap Devon - seems like a king get good energy from him. think he is painting austin as messier than he is and is spreading the narrative of austin making deals but im not fussed austin- seems sweet but idk if he has handled this round right AJ - a king i like his energy!! but yes hopefully devon comes back and i get a good swap... that we pray for
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This was such a simple game when I just had me and my cute lil alliance of 4 and that was just 2 days ago.So much has happened in the past 2 days. -Our alliance of 4 creates an alliance of 5 with aj included. -Adam makes a 4 person alliance of me aj and Augusto. - the vote goes to Adam and we all tell everyone it’s Adam, and then it’s changed to a Austin - Austin wants back and to end the beauties. Also exposed us to Adam -Devon wants to come back but brains also want him back, -Duncan wants to work with me -duncan is super tight with Scott and autumn and wants me to get close to them - I’m getting close to jakey, and building a bond with Jordan and dan. - an interesting dynamic is that Duncan doesn’t like Ali, Duncan loves autumn, and autumn loves Ali. - Adam and jakey are also at odds 
OH MY FUCKING GODDDDD I JUST ... HAD AN EPIPHANY AND IM PROBABLY BEING INSANE, but i think... i think that adam and aj are super close and have a final 2. The vote was originally adam, but the night after we told aj, adam compaigned hard and we all changed our minds. Furthermore, they both knew about the idol system. FURTHERMORE, adam was like "i feel like im missing out on so much" during the unscramble challenge but he had no way of knowing we were all on call. They both know l'shei, they both have the same emoji in their name, they both just replied to me saying something similar at the same time. It is basically all coming together in my head and long story short, we fucked up. Augusto, connor, and kendall have no idea how much we really fucked up but this all could be me making shit up but idk idk ahahahahahahhahahahhahahahaha we r FUCKED AJ HAS AN ALLIANCE WITH ME AND AUG KEND CONNOR IF HE TOLD ADAM LMAAOOOOO WE R FUCKKEDDD
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WHEW this game, this game. Y'all have taken me on so many emotions in the past 48 hours I couldn't even stop to processing winning Survivor Reels lmaaaaooo. Y'all really had me do that ugly counting challenge, where I messed up twice and ended up with 5 points only for my Skype to stop working for a good 2+ hours. Then Scott won immunity, which meant I had to kill either my dad Duncan or my bb Devon, which was super darksided. THEN after all that and saying my dramatic ass goodbyes, y'all pull out a buyback??? https://i.imgur.com/kQ6umpV.gif BUT ITS OK BECAUSE NOW I GET TO KEEP BOTH AND THE DADS ARE STILL TOGETHER!!! Devon is staying and we been knew. You know I love him if I'm not even mad that he voted me so everyone remember this moment cause that's usually grounds for dismissal in my world. But ugh I'm so happy y'all don't even know. I've really hit it off with a few people too so I'm just feeling myself. I fucking love Augusto we are the same person no lie and I'm also a big fan of Adam, Jakey, and Amir. So even if I get separated from the dads, I can make this work. I'm ready to swap and I just gotta keep misting man after man which I can definitely handle https://media1.tenor.com/images/fe32b9e859965acabe245a41b77e2153/tenor.gif?itemid=4608580
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBquewn3tnw
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littledonkeyburrito · 6 years
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I need to start coming up with more creative titles for these.
Ever kissed anyone with a nipple piercing? Not that I’m aware of, but there’s a couple of people that I’ve made out with and never seen shirtless, so who knows
What about a lip piercing? No
Nose piercing? I don’t think so
Did you sleep alone last night? Yep
How are you sitting? Cross legged on the couch
Where is your family? Probably in their respective homes
Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow? Always
What were you doing at 12 AM last night? Sleeping
Waiting for something? A call back from any of the companies I’ve sent resumes to
How many people did you kiss last summer? I think it was only one actually, but there was a couple more that were summer adjacent.
Was yesterday terrible? Yesterday was fine
Did you reject or accept your last friend request? I accepted it but I probably shouldn’t have bc tbh I think she’ll get pretty annoying on my facebook (ex work colleague)
Do you like pretzels? They’re fine but they’re totally overrated by america
Do you wait until you’ve completely finished a certain makeup product before you buy a new one? I don’t buy makeup products
Would you say that people consider you a major flirt? I don’t know. You would have to ask “people”
Do any of your friends have children? Not yet
If you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, how long have you been together? I do not
Did you wake up before 8 AM this morning? I sure as fuck did not.
Do you wear eyeliner? Nah
Whose wall have you wrote on today? Nobody
Would you rather cry in public or make someone else cry in public? Neither, both are super awkward for me
Would you rather sleep for 3 days or stay awake for 3 days?

 I feel like I’ve done both before. Depending on what I’m doing, both have their pros and cons
Would you rather be just rich or rich and famous? Just rich
Who will you be sleeping with tonight? Nobody
Last person to make you laugh? The internet
Do you look at older pictures and laugh? Depends on the picture
When will your next kiss be? no idea
Have you ever truly thought you knew who you were going to marry? No
Do you have anything that belongs to a partner or an ex partner? No
What would you say if someone told you they were in love with your sister? That I don’t have a sister
Has anyone called you babe or baby in the last two days?  No, I’m not sure anyone’s called me that ever and I’d prefer it stay that way
Do you still talk to the person you last kissed? Currently waiting to see how long it’ll take him to message me first for once. So, kinda I guess
Who was the last person of the opposite sex to be in your bedroom?

 Um well technically my apartment is a studio and my landlord was here like 20 minutes ago so I guess it was him. But the last dude to go in the actual bedroom area was the guy who stayed with me a few weekends ago from Madrid.
Did you see your best friend today? No. We live on different continents
Are your ears pierced more than once, if at all? Just the one in each ear
If you wear skirts, are you more likely to wear leggings, or go bare? I don’t wear skirts
Are you addicted to texting? No, but I do prefer to message at least one friend every day
How many times do you knock on the door? I don’t. I stand outside and text them and wait for them to open it.
If you could move somewhere else, would you? Well I’ve sent a couple of resumes to companies in Panama and if I get offered a good job with a decent salary then I’ll definitely consider moving there.
Did you kiss or hug anyone recently? No
Does your phone ring in the middle of the night? Not since I left Australia. Was a pretty common occurrence there with my job though. The worst was when I was really tired but had to take the work phone home with me and one of my staff would call just after I’d fallen asleep and I’d still be confused as fuck when I answer but have to try to play it cool and not let them know they woke me up. Was even worse when it was a client calling...
Is there anybody you’re really disappointed in right now? No..?
Is there someone you will never forget? Many people
Can you live a day without TV? Yeah
Do you swallow gum when you’re done with it? I don’t like chewing gum
Any plans for this weekend? Nope
Have you seen anyone lately that you don’t get along with? No. There’s nobody that I don’t really get along with, especially not in this country.
Who was the last person you rode in a car with that’s not family? I think the last time I was in a car was my transfer to the airport in panama. I don’t have a car here and nobody I know has a car. I always just walk or get the metro. I don’t even usually get cabs here.
Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Nah
Is there anything stressing you out currently? My bank balance is gradually getting lower and lower and I don’t have a job yet.
What kind of mood are you in today? Average. Not happy, not sad
How late did you stay up last night and why? Maybe 10 or 11. I was pretty tired from doing nothing all day
Have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed? I think the longest I ever actually slept with him was like 4 hours. Always had to go sneak back into my room before anyone woke up.
Are you mad at anyone? No
Did the last guy/girl you kissed have any piercings? No
What is the name of the last band you discovered? Not a band but I came across Alvaro Soler and I really like his music
Would you rather go to a Katy Perry or Taylor Swift concert? No thankyou
What pattern do the sheets on your bed have? The sheets are white. The doona is white with blue diamond patterns on it
Are your days full and fast-paced? Only when I travel
Do you call any of your friends by their last name? Yeah, my old flatmate usually goes by his last name. Made it a little weird when he had family visiting because I could either 1) refer to him by his first name, or 2) use his last name and have everybody he’s related to turn around and look at me
Have you ever gotten lost in a department store? El Corte Ingles. The floors are too big. I usually end up giving up which isn’t necessarily a bad thing because it’s kind of expensive there.
How long have you had the shirt you’re wearing? A few years I guess. I don’t remember when I bought it
Are you a slut? Depends on definition
What happened last time you got drunk? I drank beer with people from the office and then I went back to their apartment which was kind of like a staff apartment and a couple of the bosses lived there too. Drank some more beer, did some cocaine, patted a dog and cut my thumb on a beer can.
When’s the last time you straightened your hair? I don’t think I ever have. My hair is pretty straight on its own.
What do you want right this second? I wouldn’t mind a glass of coke
What were you doing at 10:00 this morning? Sleeping
What cell phone company do you use? Vodafone
Do you wear a bath robe? No
Do you know anyone autistic? Yeah, a few
How about someone bipolar? I think so
What do you want your job to be when you’re older? Please offer me suggestions because I have no fucking idea
What are you listening to? Nothing in particular
Does the last person you texted smoke pot? Idk. Probably, a lot of people here do bc it’s legal. He’s my landlord though so it’s not like he’s going to tell me that information
What did you wear to bed last night? My pyjamas
Who’s in the room with you? Just me
Have you ever liked someone older than you? They’re generally older than me
Do you like men with beards and goatees? Stubble is goooood. Depends on the guy though
Where do you live? Spain
Do you always lock your door? Yes. It auto-locks anyway, but I deadbolt it too.
Do you smoke cigarettes? No
Is your birthday in a winter month? In Australia, yes. Here, no.
Do you have siblings over the age of 21? Yes.
What is the last letter of your middle name? L
Have you ever skipped school just because you were tired? I skipped plenty of lectures at uni in favour of sleep. Probably a contributing factor to the failing of classes and dropping out.
Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Yep
When was the last time you were told you were cute? Probably in Panama
Do you like Chinese food? Yes. The food when I was travelling in China was insanely good.
Have you ever trusted a guy when you shouldn’t have? Yeah I guess so
Do you have a brother? What’s his name? Sam
What time is it? 7:44pm
Is your phone close to you? It is under my left thigh (almost my buttcheek) so I can feel if anyone messages me.
What woke you up this morning? I suppose I had enough sleep
When did you last use a straw? I have no idea but you just reminded me that I bought straws recently and haven’t used any yet so I’m gonna start drinking my alcohol with straws now. Well, not right now bc I don’t want to drink tonight, but whenever I next drink at home I’ll use one.
Have you ever driven without a license? I originally learned to drive in a Mini Moke in my Dad’s backyard (he had 3 acres) when I was maybe 10 years old. So obvs I didn’t have a licence then. Also the brakes in the car didn’t work so we basically had to make sure the dogs weren’t near us 
What color shirt are you wearing? Grey. With a red/black checked hoodie over it
Do you have a ceiling fan located in your bedroom? No
What are you most looking forward to tomorrow? My life is super boring so the only thing I’m doing tomorrow is going to the post office to pick up whatever I was left a slip for.
Have you cuddled with someone today? No
Have you spoken to a relative on the phone today? No
Do you use the toilet paper with the colorful designs on it? I use the cheapest toilet paper that doesn’t feel like sandpaper. I’m not going to pay extra for colourful designs when I’m literally just going to wipe my ass with it.
What was the first thing you ate today? Spicy noodles
Do you have anything more important you should be doing right now? No
Have you set an alarm today? No
Do you keep up-to-date with current news and events? I don’t. I made a decision during a low point a few years ago to cut negative things out of my life. So I unfollowed a bunch of people on tumblr and I stopped keeping up with news because it was just making me depressed. Occasionally I google to see what’s up with my province and that’s about it. Otherwise I see what I really need to see on facebook/tumblr.
When was the last time you visited relatives? I visited my dad a few days before I left Australia
Is chapstick a necessity for you? Sometimes, yes. But if I stay hydrated enough then it’s not really an issue.
Name the last 6 people you texted/messaged:
Gabriel
João
Maggie @aturinfortheworse
Aman
Anna @intimidatethevoid
Bear
(this is a slightly unusual bunch since only half of them are people I regularly message)
How did you meet #3? Highschool
What’s #6’s middle name? No idea
Who have you known the longest out of your 6? Maggie
Who have you known the least out of your 6? Anna 
How do you know #5? Through the group chat we’re in with Maggie and Bear
Where does #1 live? Somewhere nearby. I don’t know exactly
Is #1 your best friend? No, he’s my landlord
Who on your 6 doesn’t have a job? Maggie I think..? Not sure about Bear and Anna. Also not 100% sure on João
Does #5 have their drivers license? I believe so
Would you ever live with #2? Lmao I almost do. He’s my next door neighbour.
Why did you text #4? Because he messaged me first so I replied obvs
Do you miss #3? Yeah, come to Spain you loser
Is #6 a stoner or alchie? Not anymore I don’t think
Have you ever danced with #2? No, I’ve met him like twice for us to pay our bills (our apartments run off the same metre for water and electricity)
Have you ever done anything sexual with any of them?                           Well Aman is my ex so yeah
What would your life be like without #1? I would probably live somewhere else
Is #2 your best friend? No
What do you love about #3? So many things
What do you dislike about #3? So many things. (kidding)
What is #5’s weakness? Difficulty sleeping?
What kind of car does #4 drive? I remember it’s a little black sedan but I don’t remember what type of car it actually is
What would you do if #3 & #6 were dating? Uhhh nothing probably. I’d be surprised but they’re both good people so I’d let them go for it.
Does #2 have a boyfriend/girlfriend? No idea
Have you ever seen #1 cry? Fuck no that would be weird
Have you ever kept a secret from #5? No
What is something special about #4? He’s very attractive.
Does #2 have any special talents? No idea
In one word, describe #6. Teddy
Has anyone in your top 6 hurt you? Who? Uhh no..?
Have you ever fought with #6? No
Is #1 a musician? Not that I’m aware of
How old is #4? He’s 27
Would you ever kiss #5 (if you haven’t already)? Probs not, soz bro
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survivor-guyana · 5 years
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Episode 12 - "tbh I totally forgot we were playing Fans vs Favorites." - Jones
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So here I am. Maynor got blindsided, TJ had an idol and didn't tell me about it, and I've been on the bottom of 3/4 merge votes (I don't count Unanimous bc that's a twist so we HAd to work together) everyone has basically lied to me at some point, and all of my relationships are fractured in some way or another. Alyssa gave me her explanation why everything went down the way it did: She heard that TJ babbled to Jess that Aidan was going against Alyssa/Devon/Jess, so they confronted him with this information and flipped back to the otherside (alongside dani obviously.) HOWEVER Alyssa believes that TJ and Maynor were the ones campaigning against her, and didn't think I had anything to do with it at all (hehehehe), but because the "majority alliance" had been worried about TJ having an idol, their only options were either me or Maynor. Alyssa then told me that Aidan had been trying to throw my name out all day, but she kept me safe (HEHEHEHE) so boom.  This also lead me to the realization that TJ doesn't really trust me and he never did. If he did, he would've been able to confide in me if he found the idol (which he did) and he DID, in fact, leak to the other side that Aidan/Dani were flipping (when he said he hadn't heard anything at all). If TJ told the truth about the situation, I do think Maynor and I wouldn't have tried as hard to save him, and Maynor would still be in this game. I told him i would tell him if I heard anything, but he's most definitely on the bottom, and i most likely will be voting him out if he doesn't win immunity. (hopefully he doesn't, if he does, it's either me or chelsea.) after all of this information was being processed in my itty bitty brain, I most definitely had a mental breakdown. My brain stopped processing everything that came to mind all together. and all I could do was draw a blank and laugh to myself. I was hopeless, there was no plan moving forward and I was trapped as a "goat" once again for the eventual winner of Tumblr Survivor Guyana: Fans Vs. Favorites 7... who am I kidding? Guacamole Jones doesn't just give up that easily. Aidan and Dani had expressed that they wanted to flip before the whole TJ fiasco. If I can find a way to separate myself from him and squeeze my fat ass into any cracks i can, then I will. but it will probably end in me having to do a bit more exposing to Aidan about Alyssa. (specifically about her leaking info to me.) If I can get them to my side, I have them as allies, and I also have Chelsea. so hypothetically that would be 4 ( + 1 with Aidan's vote steal) vs 3, and we can easily sweep the majority. obviously this is an act to save myself, however, this may mean more to me than that. When I said that I wanted people to play their own games, I actually meant it. Everyone deserves to fight for their spot in the game, and should fight for their case to stay. Right now it feels like everyone is playing into Alyssa's hand, and i'm not here for it at all. so i'm gonna try to do something about it.
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Buckle up bitches, it's "Tea-Time" with Jess.
Today's Topic is: "Another round, another mess".
I'm going through some SHIT.
The last couple of rounds I've been trying to do the whole "let's minimize Jess's threat level" and that shit isn't working out. I'm ironically getting credit for moves and taking out people who I can honestly say I had no say in whatsoever. I've literally done nothing in this game except be a NUMBER. The only move I've made? Is getting out Sammy but I don't think I can take FULL CREDIT FOR THAT.
So I'm kind of annoyed I'm getting way more credit than I deserve because I've been down this path before. People are using myself/Alyssa as their shields and making the moves they want to do because they won't get the blame BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT: Alyssa and I will. That'll get us taken out of this game within the next couple of rounds GUARANTEED.
I've compromised so much in this game. I basically screwed my relationship with TJ up. That shit sucks but as a player he's DANGEROUS but he was my kind of dude? Hopefully he can see the numbers/odds are stacked against him and he'll have no choice BUT TO WORK WITH ME. So let's pray that happens or else big yikes x10000.
On the next next subject that is ANNOYING ME TO NO GOD DAMN END.
J-O-N-E-S <INSERT KERMIT HANGING HIMSELF MEME HERE>. I don't get the appeal as her as a PLAYER. I get the appeal for her as a PERSON OUTSIDE OF THE GAME..... she seems awesome, relatable, funny.
HOWEVER IN THIS GAME SHE'S: Messy, annoying, and CAN NOT BE TRUSTED.
YET..... the person I consider my #1, the person who I've basically fucked up my game multiple times for bye putting my foot down every time someone tries to take her out.... STILL FUCKING TRUSTS HER?! <INSERT I DON'T UNDERSTAND DANCING GIF HERE>. I DON'T G-E-T- I-T. Jones went around last round spreading Alyssa's name. I'm almost 99.9% CERTAIN. It's so obvious she threw fucking Alyssa under the bus with the Dani vote. That shit came out when Maynor wasn't even ON. HOW DOES SHE NOT SEE THIS?!
All signs are pointing to Jones selling Alyssa out. Detective Jess will take a look at the EVIDENCE: 1. Maynor was not on when TJ was spreading the fact that Alyssa threw out Dani's name. 2. Alyssa only told Maynor/Jones about the Dani vote (50% chance Jones did it.. YAY MATH!). 3. JONES ADMITTED SHE KNEW MAYNOR THREW HER UNDER THE BUS BUT DID NOT TELL HER? LIKE WHAT KIND OF CRACK IS SHE SMOKING?! 4. We've shaded Jones twice in a row with a vote. Of course home girl doesn't TRUST YOU IN THIS GAME. 5. Jones was M.I.A yesterday however, in the main chat she said she'd be ON.
Alyssa not believing Jones had anything to do with her name going around last vote is something I can't look past. I'm at a loss with what to do right now.
ALSO them adding me to the GOLDEN QUEENS when I SPECIFICALLY asked them to do it after this game is SO SUSPECT. All of a sudden I fucking tell Alyssa I'm doubting Jones... I get added to a casual chat with Jones?! I don't fucking understand these people. How obvious do you think this is? Do you think I was born fucking a second ago? I'm just-
D O N E
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This stage of the game is crucial for me personally. I don't believe the F5 will consist of myself, Jess, Alyssa, Dani, and Aidan. I think that Dani is over-paranoid more often than not, and Aidan will be smart enough to not let his advantage go to waste.
I am trying to plant a seed in Alyssa's head that we need to flip on Dani and Aidan at the F7, and hopefully she bites the bait. If this works, maybe we can boot Alyssa and leave Jess scrambling? I would rather sit with Dani and Aidan in the F3
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I’m over like, 80% of these people. They really think they’re being “slick” or “sneaky” or “good at the game” just because they’re being vague with me? That’s 👏 not 👏 how 👏 I 👏 ROLL 👏 HONEY 👏👏👏 like HONESTLY did they really think I wouldn’t realize I’m getting voted out? Ofc alyssa wants to go to the end with most of these people, it’s bc they’re so obviously bad at being slick. ON TOP OF ALL OF IT you think you can get away with being “sneaky” after you blindsided me NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE, BUT 3 FUCKING TIMES? Lied to my FACE??? Okay. Sure. Play like that. God, these people are really playing into alyssa’s hand, huh? Do they not want to play for themself for once? That’s literally the only thing I want from everyone. Actually that’s not true but its fine. I want them to be HONEST AND TELL ME IM BEING VOTED OUT. AAAAAND I want them to play for themselves. Like play the fucking game or don’t sign up for it imo. I’m over it. Thank god people like Aidan exists though. He seems like he’s genuinely ready to fuck shit up, and I’m just excited to call him and expose the fuck out alyssa. Hell, even if I get voted out, I trust him to go against the grain and actually take a stance. He’s the hero of the season for a REASON lmao. But yeah I’ll keep y’all posted, but It looks like I’m getting 8th place! Which !!! Doesn’t!!!! SOund!!!!! GOOD AT ALL!!! Last time I found out I wasn’t getting voted Johnny as worried about my mental well being. Let’s just,,,, hope for the best this time LMao
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I. Dont. Like. Sneaks. In touchy subjects, i was voted as the person who has no idea what's going on, but apparently TJ made a chat with everyone but Dani, Aidan, and I to keep himself safe?? I have talked to him every day at some point and I'm PISSED that he tried to make a chat to potentially target one of us three (who AREN'T EVEN THREATS) to keep himself safe. I will work with anyone who stays loyal and doesn't make everything a shit show, but when you talk to me all the time and go behind my back........ bye. If he stays, he has some explaining to do. Maybe he *knows* i wouldn't vote for him and doesn't see why I should be in on the chat, but in this case, I SHOULD have been in on it. If I find out that he wants to target me, haaaaaaaahahahaa.
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I guess 5th and 8th isn't the worst record ever... It just sucks this is how it's going to end.
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I think TJ is finally going home since we kinda forced him to use his idol last tribal. Idk I’m tired
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Hi so Aidan is literally the love of my life?? We’re actually on the same page/have the same allies and whatnot, so I’m feeling a lot better knowing that we’re allies. We basically agreed that TJ is too much of a fucking mess to keep around right now, so if we get him out then we’ll still have majority on the rest of the group!! So woohoo!!! Also? TJ proposed that there’s an all fans alliance and tbh I totally forgot we were playing Fans v Favorites. Just Bc aidan specifically wanted to target alyssa the round before. But legit,,,, why wouldn’t you target alyssa is my question??? Um but yeah I wouldn’t be shocked if i got votes tonight, but we shall see?? Hopefully I live to see another round, but right now I wanna fuckin sleep
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Okay #2. TJ seems to think that Jess and Devon would vote Dani with me and him which just isn't true. I will not vote Dani because she hasn't caused any issues for me or made me feel threatened. TJ making his chat in the first place tells me that he was perfectly fine if me, Dani, or Aidan went home, but I guess as long as someone else said the name, he wouldn't get as much shit for it. He has really put a target on his back by doing this and I am a little bit hurt by it. But contrary to TJ's belief about voting tonight, we're not as divided as he thinks we are.
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Me this round:
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Very happy that I have immunity again but I already know that people are going to start saying I'm an "immunity threat" and it's going to annoy me. People look for ANY reason to point a target on anyone and I'm sort of expecting it? I'm already preparing responses for those kind of things.
Today was interesting because TJ was apparently desperate and making pleas to everybody that could listen (which somehow excluded Dani, Chelsea and I) but he eventually made his rounds to Dani anyway. I'm really hoping that he goes tonight because he tanked his whole game and I want him to feel EMBARRASSED and DEVASTATED for even daring to cross me in the way he did. If he listened to me and just followed my lead then he'd still be in the game WITH an idol. Thomas Pascucci is a passive aggressive little snake who loves to play the victim... but I'm hoping as we move into the 7 things get interesting.
I had a good talk with Jonesy today that confirmed a lot of my suspicions and she told me that she wanted to get out Alyssa. I was shook because I thought they were close, which they are, because I had heard she was in her confessional or something. I don't care but this anxious bitch better not be trying to play me either... but Devon seems to want to make a move too because he mentioned something about me/Dani/him needing to decide the next move. I feel like something ALWAYS goes down at 7 in Survivor history so I think everybody is anxious going into this next vote. My talk with Jones also brought my trust for Jess into question... there's a lot she kept from me (and a lot I kept from her, I do admit) but she's equally as messy but I think getting rid of Alyssa will force her into my back pocket more.
At this point there are a lot of small sub groups and alliances and deals and I don't even have an idea who the jury would love or hate. I like to think I have a good shot but it might be my ego... it's all going to be based on who tries to CLAIM different moves I think, or who gets crazy at this point in the game.
In regards to Devon I trust him more now after this round. I think he's more committed to the Massholes F3 than Alyssa/Jess but I'm not sure. I want to get on a call with him and feel him out. Maybe I can offer an F2 to him to ensure his loyalty.
But I also want to go the distance with Dani/Jess. It's a very complicated game and I feel like every boot looking forward needs to be INTENTIONAL. The endgame is near and I'm nervous but at least I still have my Opal Idol. I don't want to fuck up using that either.
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DRUNK CONFESSIONAL WOOOO
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I keep thinking to myself "how the fuck did i make F7?" because part of me is like,, genuinely shocked i've made it this far? It doesn't really feel real? But then I like, remind myself of where I started in this game and how it got me to where I am now. And THEN i started thinking about Ko Chang, and then I keep thinking about how much I've grown since then? last time around F7 I was like,, cowering in fear that the majority alliance would destroy me? or something like that? it was a few months ago i just remember crying a lot. BUT WOW!! I really did it huh. Final 7. I feel like this time i'm actually comfortable enough to like,,,, do things now. I'd like to say I set myself up pretty nicely? My talk with Aidan was really successful and we're gonna try taking out Alyssa this round with Dani and Chelsea. Worst case scenario - we still have Aidan's vote steal. If alyssa wins immunity - we'll probably go for Jess? we haven't really talked about that yet? but oh well. we'll have to wait and see. hopefully my 14/20 in the spelling bee is good enough <3
Twelve Hours Later........
Wow 👏 love it when 👏 the one thing 👏 that I want to 👏 NOT 👏 happen 👏 FUCKING 👏 HAPPENS 👏👏👏 So like ok alyssa won immunity and I was THJS FUCKJNG CLOSE KM GONNA PISS MY PANTS ok ok besides the point everything’s fine it’s totally fine we’re all fine hahahahjaha But ummm I already talked to Aidan about what we should do and I think we’re both in agreeance that Jess should go? I think she’s the next best thing behind alyssa. Plus even if she doesn’t go,, I want her to HAVE VOTES LIKE !!!! JOIN THE CLUB!!! But also,, part of me is worried that i’m getting played. While I think aidan’s a genuine person when it comes to wanting the big threats out - how am I supposed to know if he thinks I’M one of the big threats, yk? But I do genuinely think he wants Alyssa/Jess/Devon out before anyone else. Even if that eventually leaves me vulnerable at F4, that’s fine. I can always go on an immunity run or smth if I ever become good at comps :)
But rn,, in the words of Jonathan Stockton: “I’m going to kms”
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Dear Jones, If there's ONE thing I've learnt in this game..... it's to NEVER trust a girl who cries more than a pregnant lady.. ever.
Your crocodile tears don't phase me one bit. I've been saying for a while now that you're sketchier than a crackhead in an alleyway.
Your attempt at screwing me over was expected.. Your attempt to screw over Alyssa.... now that shit hurts. That's your BEST FRIEND Jones.. someone who literally has vouched for you to SOOO many people when they were coming after you (me included).
I HONESTLY WANT YOU GONE LIKE.... YESTERDAY.
No amount of dad jokes or Kermit memes are gonna get her out of this mess..
However, I do have ONE LAST DAD JOKE FOR YOU.
Me: Jones, I'm on I'm the jury. Jones: Hi I'm on the jury, I'm dad.. oh wait.
Sincerely, Jess. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The fact that Aidan hasn't come to me yet with the fucking lies Jones has been spreading is concerning. I can't try and save his ass now because of that. I want to save him but how the fuck do I try and defend the guy who is paranoid about me? I could sell out Devon but that does me NO GOOD right now.
7th here I come?!
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I feel like every round I say something to someone I risk getting exposed. LIKE ???? Ik I said I felt okay before but I feel like I’m /too/ okay if that makes sense. I told Aidan that his name and Chelsea’s name was thrown out there by Devon. He THINKS that Chelsea’s the one who threw it out there though. Which ISNT how it was supposed to work!! We had a plan to get out Jess what are you dOING!!! NOW aidan’s gonna go to Devon to see where he heard it from. Like???? Might as well just call me out for being a snake now before it’s too late :) why’d Alyssa have to win immunity. She’s the only person who COULDNT WIN!! Why? Bc I HAD TO WIN OR ELSE ID BE DEAD. THIS ISNT HOW IT’S SUPPOSED TO WORK IN MY FANTASY!!!!!  But,, at least it’s not my name out there. Better anyone else but mine :0 so I don’t think my name will come up? I think the only person who came up with my name was Aidan, and now he’s like,, my new best friend? So yeehaw that’s nice. ,,,,, hopefully The Godfather— I MEAn alyssa doesn’t catch on to my snakiness.
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Ugh this group is so nice and there is no particular person that I want to vote out over the other. Devon and Jones seem to want to vote with me and Aidan has talked to me a bunch. Aidan has been my social game person meaning he gives me info on people and has helped me a few times with staying safe and making moves. Last round, he told me about the chat that TJ made which I would have never known about if he didn't tell me. It wasn't a huge deal because people didn't respond and ended up voting him anyway, but still! Knowing that TJ voted me and was potentially targeting me with other people before tribal was information that I needed and Aidan provided. Even though the vote was unanimous, it was still a good thing to band together with him and Dani to make sure a few others were on the same page for the TJ vote.
Now that TJ is gone, I honestly do not know who to vote next. Do I vote Aidan because even though he has been super helpful, he is still a social threat and is killing challenges? Do I vote Dani because I have talked to her least? Do I vote Jess because it would break up the suspicious Jess/Alyssa duo? Do I vote Jones or Devon just because? I don't know what's going to happen tonight because people might have idols to use (or maybe not!) At this point in the game, I'll be sad with whoever goes but I'm ready to vote anyone who isn't me. Maybe that makes me a huge biotch, but it will get me to where I need to be, especially because I haven't played my best game this season. If I do go home tonight, I'm just happy I made it into the single digits :)
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So like, I'm finally coming back around to potentially work with Devon, Jess, and Alyssa which I'm happy about because with me, we are the majority this round. At first I wasn't completely against voting Jess, but after hearing that my name was out there and reaching out to Devon, I needed to talk to Jess and see what she wanted to do. Then, Devon told me that if I want Aidan out, going to Jones and Dani isn't a great idea (since they are probs working together), so I needed to tread lightly from then on out. Thank god I never initially gave a clear answer to Jones and Dani on who I definitely want gone because Aidan might have a vote steal and will come for me or all of us lmfao.
I told Jones that I wasn't totally against voting Jess and told Dani and Jones that I wanted to vote with them, just to give them the idea that they would have majority with Aidan....(but I'm not. I am so sorry for flipping on y'all.) I feel awful lying to people because I hate being completely blindsided and not knowing who to trust, but I am doing this vote for me to help MY game.
I feel so dirty with this vote because I know I am going to lose trust in Jones and Dani, AND Aidan if this doesn't work and he ends up staying. I am the swing vote though and so I feel like I have a lot of pressure on me. Do I vote with Dani, Aidan, and Jones to get Jess out? Or do I vote with my Hosororo people and vote out Aidan? Jess is not a threat to me, because I feel like we play a similar game but I may talk to more people. She seems more predictable imo than Aidan. Aidan however, has won multiple challenges, has a killer social game, and poses as a much bigger threat to me if I was to make it farther in the game with him.
I need to vote to benefit myself for this round and that means I need Aidan gone. I am not good enough to win in challenges against someone like Aidan but I think I *might* have a chance if he gets voted out this round.
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I lost immunity by ONE and I'm pissed because now I'm a ball of anxiety and mess. I feel like fucking Jess the way I think I'm going home.
Right now I think it's going to be a straightforward Chelsea vote but stranger fucking things have happened? I'm expecting something wild to go down but my senses aren't tingling that something is happening /to me/ so I'm likely gonna save my Opal Idol for next week which is the last week that I can play it!
I don't know how I feel about the game going forward because there are a lot of deals and I think people trust me but I'm not sure. I'm really solid with my Massholes F3 but also my sub deal with Jess and I really trust a majority of this game. Other people? Not so much.
I think if Chelsea goes we'll definitely have an interesting F6 round
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Confessional #3 because things can never just be simple. I ate a bowl of ice cream so now I'm all sugar and FIRED UP. You know what? I'm not feeling so bad if Aidan goes home tonight because apparently he wanted me out and thinks it's gonna be a 6-1 vote against me. Tbh I'm pissed lmao. Devon is telling Jones to vote me so that she doesn't suspect me and Devon working together, so I'm not reaching out to her or Dani anymore until they come to me. Devon doesn't think that Jones will vote for me but honestly who knows? Jones also thinks that I would vote Jess so I can't be too mad if people turn around and vote me. This is probably the round that best describes the "outwit" portion of the game because we're down to 7 people and half of the tribe had their names going around (me, Aidan, Jess, even Dani because Aidan tried to bait me into saying I would vote her.)
JESUS. Now Devon's name has been brought up. Devon told Jones that maybe I should go to get rid of any suspicion that I am working with him, but now apparently Jones told Aidan we should vote Devon..... I'm literally shook by how many names we have filtered through. Who knows, maybe this will be a 6-1 vote for me and I'm going home.
If I go home tonight, I'm telling them in my final words that I had an idol but didn't think I needed it this round, so I gave it to someone else.... and to have fun figuring out who it is :)
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I'm literally? so fucking mindboggled right now? i don't know whether I should feel sick or not. like,,, I thought Aidan and I were "on the same wavelength" or something like that. suddenly at 9:45 (15 minutes before tribal might i add) he's just like "we can't do this" like??? YES WE CAN!!! THIS IS THE ONLY LOGICAL TIME TO USE THE FUCKING VOTE STEAL!!!!!!! IF WE USE IT AT F6 WE CAN ONLY TIE IT, BUT IT'LL BE USELESS BECAUSE WE CAN'T USE THE STEAL IN A FUCKING REVOTE!!! THERE IS!!! NO POINT!!!!!!!!!!!!! literally,, if I knew the temptation was a fucking vote steal and I knew I'd end up in THIS SITUATION RIGHT NOW then this wouldn't be an issue. I sound like an asshole. but oh!! my!!! GOD!!! YOU SAY YOU WANNA MAKE A MOVE!!! THSI IS THE FUCKING MOMENT!!!! MAKE THE GODDAMN MOVE OR YOU'RE GETTING PICKED OFF IN THIS FUCKING GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I really can't believe this. and I thought I had hope. sorry i'm so fucking pissed i'm probably gonna lose chelsea over this. this is not her time to go. I fucking hate this. everyone in this game needs to step the fuck up and i'm angry. i'm probably gonna regret this tomorrow, but i don't fucking care.
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We were gonna get alyssa out this round for being shady with jones. But she won the immunity. Now we are getting Chelsea I think. I was going to make a video but I’m so tired.  Loool sorry
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Aidan has been bothering me about flipping the votes over and over again from Chelsea to Jones to Jess
I know this is coming to the end, so big moves NEED to be made. I'll be throwing Chelsea a bone of trust and see if she grabs at it. If all works well, maybe we can get the most powerful player out of the game??? Last male standing
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survivormarmoreal · 5 years
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Episode #13: "im so EMO (TION)" - Bryce
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I cant believe that im still here. And we have majority. 3 vs 2. Matt is coming to me know saying that he wants to work with me but like. Bruh. But that could be good tho having him. I have to see what happens with immunity first.
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OKOKOKOK CAN WE JUST DISCUSS HOW AM I A FUCKING GOAT. FIRST OF ALL Jock destroyers was a pretty dominant alliance i played a SNITCH RAT GAME with exposing plans and i was lied to but like can i get some credit here like first of all it was my fucking ideal to even force a tie, bryce wanted sharky out he didn't want rocks i wanted rocks when my ass was literally on the line here and i was still willing to go to rocks because i don't want to be a fucking goat and do what bryce or sharky wants this is the only way i could get brian SHARKYS #1 ALLY out of the game so that you know who sharky's #1 ALLY IS NOW FUCKING ME. so you know what yeah i'm a goat, greatest of all time actually and i at least deserve some level of credit or respect here to pull some shit off like this. only person on the fucking tribe with the balls to do this shit and i don't even have balls. OK BYE.
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i literally dont have words. i keep having meltdowns and like its so not like me i usually just treat games as fun but im just so upset bc brian went home when we could have prevented it and now im in a spot where annabelle and sharky control things and im basically going to get 5th. i really thought i was doing something and life came at me real quick and said learn ur place KJFSHKJDFHSKJ. like the play anna made was smart so go her i just hate that i got played and that brian left with the vote steal and that my game is ruined and i came so far and i thought i was playing alright also i hate how everyone and their mother keeps calling me out for playing the middle KJSFHFKS like grow up and shade me in ur confessionals not to my face im SENSITIVE AUBRY. basically the point is: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/506665419092918273/541697763788980225/image0.jpg
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I'm SHOCKED. I swore to Annabelle I wouldn't right her name down. And yet she writes my name down! And just as I was thinking I could trust Bryce HE RALLIES VOTES AGAINST ME! I'm so pissed off, and scared, and hurt, and now I have to scramble to figure something out.
Okay let recap everything that has gone down in this 24 hours since I was betrayed. So I talked to Annabelle A LOT. Basically we've talked to each other a ton. I discover that Anna made the plan for the tie and then Bryce was only willing to flip if the vote was for me. SHADY. I knew I should have never trusted him. So basically either I convince Annabelle to save me, everyone goes to rocks, or Matt and Brian flip on me and I go home. I would have said the last one was super unlikely. So I start busting my ass to sway Annabelle. We have really opened up to each other about our games, she is feeling like she has to make a big move. I talked to her about how I feel hurt because I've busted my ass all game to save Anna and Matt and now they both seem unwilling to save me. I tell the guys we just have to be nice but imply to her she stands no shot of making the end without me and how Bryce is going to win. She has no idea we have the vote steal so Brian/Matt would definitely get Bryce out next. So I go to sleep thinking we are making progress. I wake up an Anna is like "Matt was rude to me so I'm definitely not flipping" so I'm starting to feel really hopeless. And then Matt and Brian both started to dodge the idea of rocks. And Anna is telling me Bryce thinks Matt is probably going to flip. So i'm thinking it's over. And in the FB Bois chat Matt and Brian both keep being like "I'm so conflicted" "we'd be guaranteed f4" "blah blah blah" So now I'm realizing these two aren't willing to go to rocks for me. I've spent this whole season trying to save our alliance at any cost. And now that I'm the one in danger...they aren't willing to take the risk. SO now I get it. I've been too nice. If they are going to put their games above mine and aren't willing to risk it so all 3 of us can make F5...I'm going to have to make sure we take that risk because it's my only shot. So I pitch to Anna a way she can get her rocks and I can be safe. We tell them that Anna agrees to save me. That way they think were set and it'll all work out and then it'll go to rocks and I'll be safe. It's super risky and I'm putting all my faith in Annabelle and I feel so scared and guilty and idk but this is the only way I survive and there is a chance Anna goes and it all works out. But...it's also not lost on me that Anna is willing to risk her own game to save me...but my own alliance isn't. I'm feeling...weird.
Brian went home. I...honestly am just feeling horrible. And he was so mad at me. Like mad to the point that I'm worried I ruined a real life friendship over this game. And Matt is furious too and he's going off on me in our group chat which fucking sucks. Like that was the worst case scenario for me. And it sucks. But I shouldn't have to feel bad about this. Like both Brian and Matt were willing to vote me out so they didn't have to go to rocks. They put their game first so why am I a villain for doing the same thing? And they want to be like "we were up front with you about not being sure" like that's supposed to make me feel better. Yeah of course you were honest you weren't the ones in danger. It's easy for y'all to be honest when you're just going to vote me out. I couldn't have been honest with them or they would have flipped and I would have gone home. How do they not see that? Was I supposed to just give up? How is that fair? And how is it that they can vote me out and I just have to accept that but they can't accept that I saved myself. I'm feeling super alone, like I can't trust anybody, and like my best friends won't even take a second to look at it from my point of view. Of course I feel terrible. I just hope this doesn't come between genuine friendships.
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ANNA REALLY JUST CLOCKS ME AND SHE KNOW SHE CAN BC WHAT ELSE AM I GOING TO DO. me matt maynor better be this f3 matt might win tbh but idc! anna has CROSSED ME and like laughs in my face FKJADSHFKAJ like yes ur iconic yes u did #that but im in this game with u and its a lil rude to flaunt ur success at me FKJADSHFAKJ when i do sth good i would never constantly bring it up (btw i won immunity once and got that cute blue color so everyone is jealous prob...) also im so emo i miss dennis and i miss brian they were the 2 ppl who i felt close to in the game and theyre both gone i literally am so upset i feel like if i wasnt so busy before tribal i could have talked to brian more and convinced him he had to vote sharky bc i KNEW anna was voting sharky but he bought her lies and i was convincing enough so i just feel its my fault i lost my closest ally (and his vote steal) although maybe he would have beat me in the end so this is good thing? nope! like i think i played alright in the middle but ppl prob wont respect it and idk if i would bc clearly im biased and maybe i am just a goat and thats why im still in like i rly tried to do sth this round but didnt i just ugh so demotivated hehe but maybe ill snap or sth insert positive uplifting quote here i just hope that i can turn this around and defeat anna and her pet shark. ALTHOUGH ITS LIKE WHERE THE BIG DOG PULLS ITS OWNER AND WALKS IT INSTEAD OF THE OTHER WAY AROUND. im so EMO (TION)
yesterday i was feeling a LOT of emotions and now that i have distanced myself i realize that my emotions were VALID and i am perfect and had the RIGHT to be upset that everything went wrong. i am speaking my immunity win into existence it WILL happen. i HAVE done the homework and even if i flop it (which i wont) i will still NOT GO HOME bc matt and maynor are hopefully on my side. OK BUT LIKE IM JUST SO JKAFSHKAJDSFHADSKFJA
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This immunity is very important. We cant let Matt or Sharky win it. We need to have the opinion for them available to be voted out.
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So like.... I am upset and feel very alone now in this game. Brian got rocked out and i was lied to again. I am just like so over it. I feel manipulated when I did have all the power and could've got a big threat out. but NO sharky and anna the fucking dynamic duo they are decided it would be fun to go to rocks! I am just so over it. Im getting fucking 5th place and I am MAD.
OR AM I? I decided to lie last night and say i gave my idol to brian last night. Why? It would paint an even bigger target on my back so i can go idoling. Cause of course I am not dumb enough to go and give my idol away hell naw. Instead, I need to knock sharky out of the immunity comp tonight but then get everyone on my case so they vote me. then boom idol. i know that this should get me to f3. I hope. If sharky goes next, and anna/maynor win FIC. then i know i can get at least maynor with me cause Bryce will then be the clear winner out of us 4. then maybe i will have a shot at the win but eh, need to get there first. I hope to god this can work and if not, final juror here i come!
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I woke up feeling TERRIBLE. I feel so bad about the Brian situation. Matt won't respond because he probably hates me. I feel like a trash person. And tbh I'm questioning if I even deserve to be here.
I feel sick. Literally this is the worst case scenario. If anybody else had won everything would be fine. And now Matt has like given up which makes me even sadder. I'm honestly considering asking everybody to vote me out. So that Matt at least has a shot of making FTC. This sucks.
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I WON IMMUNITY WOOOH IM SO ICONIC IM LITERALLY A LOSING FINALIST AND EVERYONE WANTS ME OUT I FEEL LIKE ILL LOSE IN THE END BUT THAT WONT STOP THESE PPL FROM GIVING ME 4TH WHEN I LOSE THE NEXT IMMUNITY AJKFDSHKFAJ THEYRE ALL LIKE SO VISIBLY DISAPPOINTED I WON IM SO SAD NNNN I WOULD BE HAPPY FOR THEM! i really hope they vote out sharky now bc its literally the smart move but im willing to bet theyll keep him to spite me annas gonna be like sharky needs to stay we get him out NEXT round and maynor might be convinced or sth idk and matt idk askdjfhdkjf i thought we were good but he ghosted me all day today so hm. club 96 nina and tina really falling apart
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Matt is literally shutting down. Like I'm trying to talk with him and mend things and try to rally him so we can figure out how to keep us both safe and honestly he's just not interested. He seems disinterested and honestly he's being kind of a brat. Stop pouting! Sack up and help me fight. Because yes I was selfish last round and that put us in a tough spot but It was never my idea to trust Bryce or my idea to ignore that we had a vote steal to secure our vote at F6. I'm not the only one who made mistakes. So come on and let's freaking recover! Or are we just supposed to lay down and award Bryce the win? UGH
I was really on the brink of asking everybody to vote me out. But Matt is being so useless right now. If he's going to act like that he'll just get picked off at F4. He has no fight. So I'm over it. I really do love him but at this point I'm going to have to just try my best to get Annabelle and Maynor to believe that they stand the best chance at FTC against me, instead of Bryce or Matt. I've already ruined my reputation so I might as well at least try to fight. I feel over everything but I have to get it together.
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The vote hopefully is between Matt and Sharky. I know Bryce really wants Sharky gone. Annabelle and I are talking and seeing which route is the best for us to make it to the end.
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Like wow. My brain is so big. Im pretending that I threw away my idol to brian at the last second, and that I am leaving this round. Whereas in actually reality I still have my idol and sure as heck im playing it tonight and making final 4 YEET. like woe is me, woe is me, lol no bitch im here to stay. Sharky like, needs to leave as well. I love him but 2 big if a threat and I would quite like to well, win.
Oh and as I write this annabelle needs me huh. Well listen here, you lied to my fucking face and got brian out. Thus, you also need to leave bish. I am fed up of being lied 2 constantly by these fuckers called my tribemates and I am NOT here for it anymore. Time to play the lies and deceit game myself huh
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This round is so weird for me. I felt like I was in such a tough place and feeling really defeated. But now Anna is getting paranoid and there is a very slim chance I could get her to to vote Maynor and then Matt and I both make F4. But my issues is I can't trust anybody. Because I don't think anybody trusts me. Like Maynor is being very noncommittal. Anna keeps flip flopping and maybe she'll flip onto me. Matt seems on board but honestly maybe he deeply deeply hates me and is just lying and will vote me out.
There is a little over an hour left before tribal. I'm convinced that it's me going home. Everyone seems to be too easy to agree to vote with me. It's not looking good.
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Literally wtf. The Biggest plot twist of the century is occurring. I'M THE SWING VOTE?? Like since when in hell was I going to be the deciding factor. I mean I like it, I have the power for once and I am safe but still omg i LOVE IT! I am bunsen the Berner in this image, deciding between 2 fates: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DzD8lXwUwAAgTlp?format=jpg&name=900x900
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Having a panic attack. Im really nervous. Like i know its between Matt and Sharky. But there is still a chance that somehow me or annabell could still go. I hope it doesnt and its clear cut with Sharky and Matt. Fingers cross. Or imma die.
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i had a good talk with anna today and i kind of love her (as long as she votes sharky) i think maynor might go now which is sad bc anna says matt/sharky are doing that but like matt says that he wants me maynor him f3 so who knows! anna like was honest with me about not knowing who to vote and seems to be voting sharky but literally anything can happen so whomst knows.
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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okokok i feel so fucking badly about this move like so badly ughhhhhhhhhh but i feel like it has to happen i'm so so soooo sorry sharky like you have no idea i've been torn all day on what i should do and idk i feel like i lose no matter what this fucking blows
Sharky is voted out 4-1. 
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