#If zombies currently isn’t doing it for you the same way that Aether did

[loafaethernaut]

Am I the only one who thinks it’s still too early to compare the Dark Aether storyline on the same level as Aether?

The Aether storyline had 26 maps worth of content across five games AND comics over the span of eleven years.

So far the Dark Aether storyline has had 10 maps worth of content (I’m counting Outbreak and Urzikstan as one map each to make up for also counting Terra Maledicta and The Archon as two different maps) across three games over the span of just four years.

To put things into perspective the Dark Aether storyline wouldn’t even be at Black Ops 2 yet if we were comparing the two storylines at the same rate.

[letterstomilen]

i discuss the classification of igneous petrology as you fall asleep during my lecture (PART 1) (ASMR)

Childe/Zhongli, Alternate Universe (read part 2 here) When Childe's younger sister tells him about the volunteer at the library, he does not make the connection between that and his new favorite ASMR YouTuber, Rex Lapis.

Childe has a very effective method of getting through college. His little sister, who’s caught him making coffee at three in the morning on more than one occasion the past week alone, would beg to differ. 

“You’re the best older brother,” she starts off, and he’s sure she’s trying to convince herself more than him at this point, “but you need to fix your sleeping habits.” Then, because she’s his little sister, she’d flash him a smile and pat his shoulder reassuringly.

(The comment is not lost on him though. He understands his sleeping situation will eventually wear him down if it hadn’t already, but he believes if he’ll drink a coffee every morning and a Monster every night, he’ll get through three days. By the third day, he’ll hardly be coherent but that doesn’t matter because he’ll conk out for the next twelve hours and then repeat.)

“Don’t worry, Tonia,” he says, trying to sound as reassuring as possible as he contemplates whether it’s worth it or not to swallow a pill of 5-hour energy with his morning coffee. “Once break ends, I’ll get back to normal.”

“You said that six seasons ago.”

Childe frowns, trying to remember if his sleeping schedule was this dysfunctional last year. “Huh?”

“The Walking Dead seasons,” Tonia clarifies, as if she’s not twelve years old and the show is for grown adults. He thinks. He hasn’t checked Commonsensemedia ever since La Signora labeled him as a “helicopter parent” and his Netflix tab has been playing How to Get Away with Murder as background noise for the past few weeks.

Isn’t it a show about zombies though? Tonia’s sheepish smile tells it all, because it’s the same exact guilty look he had when he got caught red-handed as a kid.

(Once he remembers later, Childe promises himself, he’ll check out The Walking Dead.)

“Oh. Well. I have a lot of shows to catch up on, you know. Not to mention a ton of my professors gave me reading for over the break.”

A half lie. They did give him a lot of reading because each professor assumed that their classes were his only one, and with seven days left, he still has a textbook worth of reading to go through. But there are no shows that Childe would sacrifice his precious sleep for. As a matter of fact, he would love to sleep. He’s spent the majority of his classes back in high school sleeping and faking attention, saving his grade at the last minute — it was quite the extreme sport really, if he says so himself.

Whenever he tries to sleep recently, his thoughts run at several hundred miles per hour, and he spends several hours staring at the ceiling before succumbing to the computer at his desk and watching trashy movies. At this point, he must have gone through the entire romance comedy list on Netflix. (Not a proud point in his life but if anybody ever wanted him to give a list of best to worst romance comedy movies, he now has one.)

Tonia, on the other hand, isn’t incredibly convinced.

Admittedly, the excuse was lame. Also, he can’t easily lie to his little sister, who’s far shrewder than he takes her for at times.

“You never start your reading in advance. You like to speed read it right before your class or watch a five-minute video on the chapters while your teachers take attendance. But that’s… uh, ‘a bad work ethic.’” Tonia looks immensely proud of herself as she says this, finishing it off with, “Zhongli told me that.”

“Zhongli?” he repeats, trying to remember if that’s one of her classmates or some stranger that’s hoping to kidnap his sister.

“The guy that volunteers at the library sometimes. He recommended me a loot of good books to read, but he talks like an old man.”

“How old?” Childe can tell she’s enjoying this — talking about her new friend at the library that he’ll probably have to run a background check on.

“Like he’s in his sixties or something. But he looks… actually, he looks your age! And he’s a student too. I told him all about you.”

Well, that doesn’t sound very reassuring coming from the mouth of a twelve-year-old. He’s not sure if that translates to his social security number, his current dilemma, or just that he’s her older brother.

“Like all of the stories you told me when I was a kid. And then when Lumine came to pick me up, she stayed to show him pictures of you too.”

“Of course she did,” he mumbles, ruffling her hair. One of these days he’s going to move without telling his classmates and the twins won’t enter his apartment unannounced. (But Tonia adores their company and the stories they tell her far too much for him to actually do it. But that doesn’t mean he’s above making threats when they tell his little sister about the bet he made about white-out and how it could dye hair. The jury is still out on this one.) “She’s just mad because I get away with it and she doesn’t. But don’t do it yourself. It’s a bad habit,” he adds, remembering that he should at least try to be a good influence on his younger sister when he can.

“Okaaay,” she says unconvincingly, before shaking her hair and running off to her room with lunch he prepared for her.

Watching her close the door and no doubt continue her binge of The Walking Dead, he takes out his phone and texts Lumine.

 Childe

12:35

ur a horrible influence on tonia

 Childe

12:35

and whos this ZHONGLI

 Childe

12:35

also is twd appropriate for 12 y/os

 Twin 1

12:37

a normal person would say hi

 Twin 1

12:37

also 1. me n aether watched it when we were 12 so probably and 2. some guy at the library that also goes to our school

 Well. At least he’s somebody they know. But The Walking Dead?

 Childe

12:38

thats not very convincing

 Childe

12:38

also dont ppl DIE? get BITTEN???? what if she gets nightmares

 Twin 1

12:39

isnt she 12 r u telling me u weren’t watching R rated movies at 12

 Childe

12:42

thats very different from a 10 season long show that is hailed as “one of the greatest horror shows in history” and “paved the way for post-apocalyptic horror”

 Twin 1

12:42

well if she has trouble sleeping she could always watch asmr. that helps me during midterms idk

 Childe

12:42

whats asmr

 Childe

12:43

asking for my sister btw

 Twin 1

12:44

A feeling of well-being combined with a tingling sensation in the scalp and down the back of the neck, as experienced by some people in response to a specific gentle stimulus, often a particular sound.

 Childe

12:45

wtf?

 Twin 1

12:45

people on the internet make random sounds or just talk into a mic n its supposed to be very relaxing. how have u never found out abt this?????

 Childe

12:45

idk the only thing on my youtube recommended r greatest stunts and chapter review videos

 Twin 1

12:47

… makes sense

 Twin 1

12:47

check out rex lapis’ channel he looks like ur type

 Childe

12:48

i thought we were talking about my sister????

 Twin 1

12:50

[message screenshots.jpg]

 Twin 1

12:50

ya she told me everything

 Twin 1

12:50

have fun i need to convince aether to not commit arson bc of his TA

 Childe

12:51

hope he does it

He opens his Youtube app, typing in Rex Lapis and expecting Lumine’s suggestion to be a joke. Despite them being friends for nearly two years now, she’s never made any indication of knowing his type. And he’s sure he’s never been that vocal about it either, only shooting appreciative looks at history majors and paying more attention than necessary to the TA for ‘Tradition of Justice and Law.’ (It’s unfortunate that those short-term crushes never led to anything, but maybe that’s for the better seeing that Childe has never understood the appeal of relationships.)

It is an ASMR channel, judging by the ASMR playlist he finds as he scrolls through the account. The icon shows no face — only a microphone — which leaves him skeptical. Most of the video titles belong in a petrology lecture as well, which makes him even more convinced that it’s a joke. He finds a few readings of ancient literature and decides to pick ‘I discuss the classification of igneous petrology as you fall asleep during my lecture (PART 1) (ASMR)’ because that’s exactly what he needs. (Not the very moment — but ten hours later when he’s in the bed memorizing the pattern of his ceiling wondering why he stole from his fifth grade teacher’s candy jar during lunch.)

When Childe opens the video, he damn near gasps.

The man in the video is exactly his type. His eyes are a soft amber color, framed with long lashes, and it’s almost enough for him to lose his dignity and message Lumine a long thank you text about how she is always right and he’ll pay for her coffee for the following week.  He smiles at the screen, albeit a little sheepishly, dark hair framing his face with a long ponytail that Childe can’t see the end of. On his right ear, there are a pair of earrings with a single feather that brush against his neck when he moves his head.

Even before he speaks, Childe is mesmerized, sure he’ll already memorize his features from the curve of his nose to the way he tilts his head, displaying the expanse of his neck.

Really — he reminds him of actors in historical dramas, the way he sits regally, and how he speaks. His voice is low and slow as he adopts a careful manner of speaking, leaning into the mic.

“I’m Rex Lapis, and I’ll be discussing igneous petrology today, which is part one in a three-part petrology series. I apologize in advance, seeing that my knowledge is limited compared to many petrologists out there but my friend Venti said that many of my viewers are here for my voice, so I’m very excited to start today’s video.”

Holy shit.

For the following week, Childe learns less about petrology, the philosophy of economics, and historical revisionism concerning matters of war and more about Rex Lapis, who is not in love with his voice but often finds himself in the middle of long tangents without explanations. His favorite book series is the Legend of the Lone Sword, which he says he’ll look forward to reading out loud for the channel. (Childe replays that part of the video again and again, captivated by his excitement as he mindlessly taps the mic while he speaks, his tangent cutting off mid-word — as it usually does, much to his dismay.)

His guilty obsession is not lost on Tonia, who realizes that instead of drinking Monster every night he’s been engrossed in his phone completely, often not noticing her or when the water starts bubbling. But because his sleeping schedule has been alleviated, she says nothing until Lumine comes over as she always does, not forgetting their weekly schedule of watching trashy movies while leeching off of Childe’s food.

Because he doesn’t trust the twins with the kitchen — even if they can cook — she instead spends her time sitting next to Tonia and spreading more of her anti-Childe propaganda while they wait. This usually involves Tonia occasionally calling out Childe’s name and asking, “Is that true?” or “Did you really do that?”

This time is different though.

Worried that Lumine finally decided to show Tonia a video of last semester’s presentation, he leans over, looking at the computer screen.

And he’s wrong. Unfortunately. Maybe it should’ve been his presentation because even if he botched it and accidentally projected his work process — screaming notes and all — to the class instead of his actual presentation, it would’ve been better than the two of them watching one of Rex Lapis’ videos together.

The ‘I read Erosion: Essays of Undoing to you as it rains outside’ video, to be specific, which is where Rex Lapis is embarrassed by Venti mid video when asked if this was his idea of a date with a lover. (And then it ends with Rex Lapis asking for video suggestions from the commentors, his face still flushed from the previous comments.)

Oh God — oh fuck.

“So he is your type,” Lumine says, her expression a bit too smug for his liking. Tonia looks half awake, scrolling through articles as the video plays, more interested in ‘Top 10 Glenn Rhee Moments’ than Childe’s crush. Her expression is a bit guilty as she does so — she’s biting her lip and avoiding his gaze, but he assumes that it’s just because they went through his YouTube history.

“I can neither confirm nor deny that statement,” he retorts, but the YouTube history she pulls up once Tonia hands the computer over to her says it all. (It’s quite mortifying, really — even Tonia is giving him a look, but it’s not as bad as Lumine’s shit eating grin.)

“Well… he does have a nice voice,” Childe finally says, thinking that perfectly encompasses his most recent obsession. Because he does have a nice voice — it’s soothing and speaks to him without really speaking to him directly. (The good looks are a bonus, he assures himself. A fantastic bonus, but a bonus nonetheless.)

“He does,” Tonia confirms, smiling toothily up at him, and he resists the urge to ruffle her hair with Lumine staring at him so skeptically. “But I don’t understand much of what he’s saying. He — heh — talks like an old man.”

“Don’t worry, Tonia, your brother likes him because he’s attractive,” Lumine informs her, now fast forwarding on one of Rex Lapis’ videos. “Did you know that he lives nearby?”

“Huh?”

The knife he’s holding clatters to the floor, and the two look down and back up at him with— hold on, why does it feel like they’re in on a secret he doesn’t know about?

“Yeah, he’s working on his grad thesis I think… Aether told me it was about something on history,” she muses. “That’s why I recommended his channel to you. He’s a bit of a celebrity in his department.” Childe’s sure his jaw dropped now, trying to maintain his facial expression as he takes out a new knife to chop up the onions.

“Really,” he tries to say as calmly as possible, wondering how he should accompany Aether to his lectures without trying to seem as obvious as possible. His voice is a bit shaky he realizes but he can’t quite make the connection between Rex Lapis and actual graduate student that goes to his university.

“Yeah, actually…” Lumine is definitely pretending to think now, enjoying this far too much. “He—”

“It’s Zhongli!” his little sister yells excitedly, practically jumping up and down at this point as if she won the lottery. “Zhongli runs an ASMR channel and he talks just like that in real life! Right, Lumine?”

“Yeah.”

Childe sighs, holding a hand up to his face. The realization that he’s been obsessed with the same guy that hears about every stupid thing he did secondhand is way too much — and the fact that he’s been listening to his voice every night before he went to bed the past week is way too much. He’s sure his face is redder than before judging by the amused expressions on Lumine’s and Tonia’s faces — really, they’re mirror images of each other right now.

Not for the first time, Childe swears to himself that he’ll never let her into his apartment without signing a contract ever again.

[askkrenko]

Why Aetherborn are what’s wrong with Magic: the Gathering

or

A discussion of creature types and their role

Screw this card in particular.

This is a stupid card that should not exist, not because I don’t feel that Design and Development made a bad call in specifically creating it, but because I feel that Design and Development have consistently made bad decisions throughout Magic’s lifespan that necessitated this worthless piece of junk taking up one of the rare slots in Aether Revolt.

So what do I think this bad decision is? Adding Aetherborn to the game.

I hate “Aetherborn.” This is not to say I hate the race; they are a unique and interesting people. This is not to say I hate their design; they look cool and make for a non-standard black race. This is not even to say that I hate the name; Aetherborn is a cool and evocative word. What I hate is this. Right here.

I have, in the past, spoken about how 234 is too many creatures types in the game, and that was shortly before Aetherborn existed. While 235 is not, specifically, my tipping point, the introduction of a specific lord for this creature type of a mere sixteen members exemplifies my problem.

The first question to ask here is “Why do we have creature types?” When Magic: the Gathering was first created, eighty eight creatures had creature types, and the rest were artifact creatures. Most of these types did literally nothing as far as gameplay was concerned. In Alpha, only Wall, Goblin, Merfolk, and Zombie had any mechanical effect. The rest were effectively dead text on a card. Still, the design was clear from the start. Any creature’s type could begin to matter in an expansion, and it wasn’t long before other types began to count.

The problem, ultimately, is that in the vast majority of games, a creature’s type simply doesn’t matter. Tarmogoyf would be just as good were it a Bear or a Goat, and even Birds of Paradise almost never gets to take advantage of its particularly common creature type of Bird. Still, these words are on nearly every creature printed throughout the history of Magic: the Gathering, so what decides what creature types get benefits and what don’t?

Having some pushed per set and others not works fine for a set, a block, or even a standard, but Wizards has realized that players want lords for every creature type. Thus, they attempt to include a small bit of tribal support in every set. While this works fine for common creature types, like the Spirit and Zombie support in Innistrad, or even the mechanically unique types like Ally and Werewolf, there’s also a tendency to include tribal support for creatures when it’s their “best chance.” This includes creatures like Ishkanah in Innistrad, but also Midnight Entourage in Aether Revolt.  The problem is, with only forty five spiders, spread across the history of Magic, and only sixteen aetherborn (with a significant wait likely before any more), these cards’ tribal elements are too small for any format. Ishkanah, at least, is self contained. She is strong enough to see significant play as the only Spider in her deck. Midnight Entourage will live or die based on the strength of the other fifteen Aetherborn, and by that I mean it will die. It will die horribly, only to be used in janky casual decks and Commander decks that don’t realize Yahenni doesn’t actually die if you send them back to the command zone.

Aetherborn having a lord, however, is not the problem. It’s a symptom. The problem is that, unlike Lorwyn’s Flamekin, Aetherborn have their own creature type. If Aetherborn were instead Elementals, not only would the Aetherborn lord not have been necessarily stuffed into Kaladesh, but it would have applied to twenty one additional creatures in the current standard, plus an additional three hundred sixty creatures (and many more tokens) in older formats.

Aetherborn isn’t the only culprit, of course. With two hundred thirty five creature types, the chances of all of them mattering mechanically is particularly low, and I’d argue that any creature type that isn’t mechanically relevant or likely to be mechanically relevant needs to exist in a broader category. Some of these categories would be very broad, certainly, while others could remain narrow.

As an example of what I’m speaking of, let’s look at everyone’s favorite creature type: cat. There are 140 Cats in Magic: the Gathering, a mixture of cat people and cat animals, as well as a number of cards that create cat tokens. This is particularly high for a creature type that not a single card in over twenty years cares about, and much higher than the Aetherborn count. In addition, there are 71 Hounds, still without a card that cares about them. While I’m willing to accept that dogs and cats are very different animals in real life, do the rules of Magic really need to separate them? Could they not both count as “Beasts?” What makes Chartooth Cougar and Felidar Cub different from other Cats? Why can Skirk Outrider ride a Felidar Cub, but not a Fleecemane Lion?

It’s times like this I look to other TCGs for answers, and one that I used to play offers a much cleaner method of handling creature types. Yu-Gi-Oh! Effectively gives every monster two types: an Attribute (Dark, Earth, Fire, Light, Water, or Wind, which seem analogous to color, but functionally just work like a creature type), and a Type (Aqua, Beast, Beast-Warrior, Dinosaur, Dragon, Fairy, Fiend, Fish, Insect, Machine, Plant, Psychic, Pyro, Reptile, Rock, Sea Serpent, Spellcaster, Thunder, Warrior, Winged Beast, Wyrm, and Zombie.) Obviously, this limited list has some issues, but the simple fact is that such a short list means there are cards that care about every single Attribute and Type in the game, without the need for “choose a type” cards.  (Note: Some particularly special cards have their own unique attributes and types, but it’s a very small number.)

Last time I brought up the topic of creature types, I went through a brief list of ones like Graveborn and Efreet that could easily be folded into something adjacent to them. This time I want to talk more about casting wide nets. I’m going to talk about a few specific creature types, identifying the good and the bad.

“Bird” is a perfect creature type. It casts a wide enough net to capture over two hundred cards, appears on every world, but isn’t so large as to take more than its fair share. It’s usually obvious what is or is not a bird, and any given would could conceivably ‘push’ birds. There’s no plane where a few strong bird cards would be out of place. I’m actually a bit surprised that there are only two hundred and ten birds, though the fact that nearly all of them have flying limits design space slightly.

“Soldier” is a very good creature type, but its net could be wider. While a Soldier is definitely a concrete thing that shows up everywhere, the Warrior creature type could conceivably include all Soldiers, Barbarians, Samurai, and Knights. The sheer volume of these (over 500 soldiers and 500 warriors, plus 200 knights) would make up for a significant portion of Magic’s 8727 creatures, but that would merely ensure that support for this conglomerate type could show up in every set, and no set would ever risk being without. The bigger issue is that it’s not instinctively clear what is a Soldier, what is a Warrior, and what is a Knight. With such large numbers on both, keeping Soldier and Warrior separate is fine, but I do feel that Soldier should absorb Knight and Samurai.

“Goblin” feels like a perfect creature type, but that’s partially because it’s incredibly pushed. There are actually much fewer goblins than there are of many less popular creature types, but goblins have gotten more tribal support than any creature type other than slivers and perhaps zombies. Folding Orcs (and Kobolds) into Goblins would go a long way to support those tribes and encourage Orcs on more worlds. The Goblin type is intentionally vague on Wizards’ part, with creatures ranging from Akki to Boggarts, so using Goblin as a creature type for a few more goblin-esque things would make those things more viable.

Here’s a list of some creature types that are real world mammals: Antelope, Ape, Aurochs, Badger, Bat, Bear, Boar, Camel, Caribou, Cat, Elk, Elephant, Ferret, Fox, Goat, Hippo, Horse, Hound, Human… And there’s plenty more after that. I’m not suggesting these all be the same creature type, especially not Human, but if the cards are never going to make us care if something’s an Antelope, a Caribou, or an Elk, why are these separate types? Ungulate may be a word not enough people know, but I propose real world mammals be divided into Humans, Ungulates (which include antelopes, aurochs, boar, camel, caribou, elephant, elk, goat, hippo, and horse), and Beasts (basically anything else. Cat? Beast. Ferret? Beast. Squirrel? Beast.) This would either require Ainok and Leonin to get their own type (something that included them, minotaurs, viashino, and the weird Monger things from Mercadia) or to just be Beast with a class. Either would be fine. There are only 342 beasts.

While on the topic, we only need “Reptile,” and “Amphibian.” While I respect wanting to separate snakes from lizards, or frogs from salamanders, there’s just not enough of any of them printed for this to be useful. The total number of creatures I’d propose folding into the Reptile type is still less than the number of cats there already are. Viashino could be Reptile or whatever term is used for humanoid beasts.

And then there’s Undead. Creature types include Zombie, Skeleton, Specter, Wraith, Vampire, and other forms of undead, and the simple fact is: this doesn’t help anyone. Zombies get the lion’s share of tribal support, with Vampires getting some, and the other types never receiving any. While I accept that, at this point, combining Vampires and Zombies into one tribe would be a mess, having all Undead being labeled as Undead would make things easier on everyone. Having Vampire still be a creature type would be fine, especially with this then granting the ability to differentiate between the living vampires (Innistrad, Zendikar) with the actual undead ones seen on most planes. This would have the added effect of making the true Undead Vampires stronger by being able to fit in either tribe.

I will say that I’m fine with creature types used as flags for specific mechanics in a set, like “Flagbearer” or “Slivers.” Neither of these creature types would work properly if there were a slew of random creatures that shared their type. Similarly, some types like “Coward” exist to make a mechanic work. This isn’t the cleanest, but it’s fine.

I could go on and through the whole of the creature types, explaining how to best combine them and how to simplify them down to something both reasonable and useful, but I think I’ve made my point. There are just too many creature types, and Aetherborn not being elementals makes them worse cards and does a disservice to the elementals, who have been here the whole time and haven’t gotten their fair share of tribal support.

[kristie-rp]

5. Do you hear the people sing?

Who: Jackson Masters (also: Damien Reyes, Red Arcton, James ‘Scorpian’ something, Desmond Reyes, Anastasia Innot) What: A character study, I guess? Focus on Jackson and music, anyway.

“ – And apparently, it would be a fucking fool’s errand, if you will, to bother putting effort, because I am always a disappointment, and those who are always disappointments need not try to do what they are best at.”

Jackson doesn’t hesitate to throw a drumstick at Damien’s head for that bullshit, and Scorpian – James, but calling him that tends to lead nowhere, because he elects to ignore it – scoffs so he doesn’t have to. “You’re full of shit, you pretentious asshole,” he says to Damien.

The stick hits the side of Damien’s head, and he shakes his head as if to clear it, and grins lazily over the beer he’s been pretty much sculling. He’s high on something, probably; Jackson knows him well enough to know he only gets this verbose – and polite – when he’s not sober. “But Scorp, haven’t I disappointed you by beginning to say anything about it in the first place? And haven’t I therefore proven my point exactly? I didn’t have to put any effort in at all, and yet, here we are – you, disappointed; me, proven right. Again.”

“I’ll give you again,” Scorpian snaps nonsensically, and Jackson laughs as he lunges at him.

“We’re doing Pretty Reckless today,” Red says as she walks in. She’s got a real name, but unlike Scorpian and his badly kept secret, it isn’t a well known secret, and anyway, Red sounds kind of sensible, in Jackson’s estimation, so he’s never asked her what the truth is. She doesn’t bother acknowledging the headlock Damien is currently in, except to roll her eyes. “Mostly ‘cause Dam’ over here needs practice at his high notes if he ever wants to get anywhere before the newbie arrives to replace Mr Traitor over here.”

Jackson spreads his hands in surrender. “Look, if I had any input at all, I’d say no. But it’s my mums’ greatest wish that I go.”

“Fucking Juilliard, you shit,” Scorpian says, which is a fair point.

“If you needed a piece of paper from somewhere fancy to prove you’re a talented musician, Jack’, we could’ve broken into the Fort and written something up on one of their embroidered napkins.”

“I’m pretty sure that isn’t the same thing,” Jackson tells Damien, “but thanks.”

“Course it ain’t the same thing. One of them you aren’t ditching us. What’re we meant to do without a drummer? Tell us that, O great traitor.”

Jackson snorts, and flaps a hand at them dismissively. “It’s not like I’m going to Juilliard to study drumming. I’m doing piano – keyboard – the blend, if I can. You guys will still be the only people with recordings of me banging the drums.”

“Yeah, because the sixteen other instruments you can play aren’t enough for you. A fucking harp, honestly, why did you learn that?”

The answer, which Damien would say if he were sober enough to be paying more attention and share the memory with the others, would be that Damien bet Jackson he couldn’t learn to play Zombie by the Cranberries on a harp in a month. Jackson had learned it by the end of the week, and won naming rights for the band Damien was dragging him into at the time. So it happened that Distressed Monday was a name Jackson had plucked from the aether just before exams, and also figured out how to cover popular songs on the harp, just an extension of playing by ear and driving his former instructors insane.

“One of you can take care of the drum side of things fine. I have faith in you,” Jackson defends weakly. “Look, are we going to get in some practice, or not?”

-

Before Juilliard, Jackson is wound tight, a cord on the precipice of snapping, the most neurotic member of the band he’d joined in high school. He’d looked the part before he was asked, wearing studded leather jackets stolen from his fathers’ collection, too-tight jeans that cut off the circulation to everything below the waist, and boots that weren’t platforms, quite, but came close. Damien had been the one to invite him to try his hand at being the drummer, back when it was nothing more than an abstract plan, and had sold it as stress relief.

(A certain kind of pressure came from being the child of a grunge master and an operatic genius, something Damien knew. Damien had, at one time, been one of Jackson’s most trusted friends, aware of the struggle Jackson felt thanks to the one panic attack he’d witnessed, back when he and Jackson first met.

It was before the drugs, before the band, before anything; the would-be punk rocker had found a boy in a studded leather jacket, huddled in an alleyway just off his favourite record shop. Aborted breaths had caught his attention, and he’d reluctantly peered into the alley, expecting a situation of the like Anastasia had saved his brother from ages ago. Instead, he finds a lone boy, older than him, unbruised and unmarked, fighting for a full breath and hunched in on himself, as close to the ground as he can get. Damien talked him down from the terror of certain death, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Or should be.)

During Juilliard, Jackson focuses on the music. He drives his tutors insane with his fondness for learning by ear, but they manage to beat an understanding of actual written music into him, proper, lengthy things, and not the aborted mess of notes his father and mother are fond of. He promised before he left that he’d keep contact with his friends from Port Lyndon, but as assignments swamp and more time passes between their messages and his own, it becomes too awkward to reply with yet another excuse. So Jackson lets the contact die off in drips and drabs, and loses himself to the music.

It’s at Juilliard that he starts singing, minoring in it, discovering a knack for it that must be inherited from his mother. She’s operatic, and enthralling, and enrapturing; he has some of that when he sings, too; it has applied to much of the music he has played over the years. He tends to ignore the way his tutors struggle to complain about anything other than his approach to learning music, and so it goes largely unnoticed. So Jackson picks up singing and spends years mastering both that and piano, and he comes out of it with such a range his tutors try to convince him to go for opera, like his mother – it is not every day one finds a switch, capable of being either tenor or bass and anything in between, somehow keeping it convincing regardless of the role he fills. He’s a coloratura for sure, and it enraptures and vexes those assigned to train him, especially when he denies operatic training in favour of going home to a YouTube channel and music hosted on various streaming services.

(The blood of a siren runs in his mothers veins – Kiri Kaufman is a hybrid, a half-blood, half human and half supernatural. Her son is one-quarter siren; sea water and enchanting runs in his veins. If he heard of magic and chose to dabble, he could be gifted in charming others to do his bidding, if he so desired. Technically speaking, a drop of siren blood is enough to give some the power to take over the world, at least through musical means.

Jackson knows none of this, of course. He is absently aware of the supernatural and the way the sea calls to him, sometimes, but he thinks of it not at all. It’s less stressful, that way – and he has had to stress less somehow. How else could he not be the tightly wound geek of yesteryear?)

-

After Juilliard, Jackson comes home to meet step-siblings, as Kiri has married in his absence. There are three of them, all younger than him, and their dad is a decent bloke called John, who Jackson isn’t really interested in getting to know. And his dad is in L.A., has been there since Christmas break after Jackson started at the world’s most well known music college.

So he moves into a tiny flat with half-heartedly improvised sound proofing in the form of foam stuck to his walls, and dives into the world of YouTube fame in earnest, taking advantage of his many musical talents (prodigious in all except guitar, which for some reason didn’t come as easily) to gain a following that grows by the day. And also into local fame. There’s no reason he can’t perform in bars or be hired for concerts at parties, after all.

“What the shit,” someone says after a show at a dingy bar that Jackson is fairly sure has a fight right. “Jackson? Jackson Masters? Didn’t you go off to music school or something?”

Jackson pauses, surprised at being recognised despite the fact that he’s been known in certain circles all his life (the media in Port Lyndon is easily bored, since so many of the potentially impossible things get covered up somehow). It takes him a moment to place the voice, even after he turns around. “Desmond?”

Desmond Reyes had been the older, overprotective, brother of Damien, way back when. He’d been adopted by this blonde femme fatale, and – there she is, Jackson thinks in some surprise, catching sight of Anastasia over the hulking mass of a man he remembers being – well, not weedy, no one could seem weedy alongside a teenaged Damien, but something close to it. “Red had a theory that you thought you were too good for them since you got into Juilliard. Between us, I’m pretty sure she just missed ogling you.”

There’s a taunt there, Jackson is fairly sure. He offers a placid smile instead and clasps Desmond’s hand in a brief shake, amusement piling over the place where he is sure he’d have once begun hyperventilating. “I’m no better than I was back then,” he says instead of freaking out, “how are the others, anyway? Is DM still a thing?”

“Despite Damien’s best efforts to make it not, yeah, Monday’s still a thing.”

Jackson blinks. “Is that an undertone I hear? Did something happen – did Damien do something?” Because when Jackson had left, Damien had been high more often than not, and he wouldn’t be surprised if the drugs had… complicated matters for the band, or pissed off Red enough that she might actually leave.

A shadow passes over Desmond’s face and, as if summoned by a change in mood, Anastasia appears and elbows her friend – soulmate, Jackson had always privately thought – until he takes a beer off her hands so she can clap him on the shoulder. “Damien messed up,” she says, blunt. “Didn’t stop at ecstasy, just got worse and worse. And then got Angeline into it, until she got herself out. He’s – not great, now.”

Jackson is fairly certain he doesn’t know an Angeline. Regardless, he frowns, concerned in spite of the tone Anastasia adopts that very clearly says she thinks whatever Damien gets, he deserves. “He’s still looking after himself besides that, right? Food and shelter and such?”

Anastasia and Desmond exchange a look. “Um,” Desmond says, and waits for Anastasia to say something. Anastasia doesn’t seem to know what to say, though, aside from “You should talk to Scorpian and Red, they know better than we do.”

It’s not the full story, Jackson is sure. They definitely know more – Desmond is too overprotective not to. He feels a dull ache, that old worry from his teen years rising in his gut, and says his farewells to the other two to go back to his set, some numbers from musicals he thinks he’s pretty good at.

It’s easier to drown his worry in music, after all. At least it isn’t destructive.

[housebeleren]

Throne of Eldraine Preview Highlights

Oh, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. And if you read that in tune, sorry not sorry, but that’s where my head’s at right now. But it really is. It’s preview time! And not only that, but it’s preview time for one of the most flavorful and gorgeously illustrated sets in recent memory. I’m beyond stoked with what I’ve seen so far in Throne of Eldraine. So today, I’m going to run through some of the highlights from the preview season, focusing on Standard and the normal set, since I’ll go over Brawl cards when I review the set for Commander.

Starting with this guy:

Oko, Thief of Crowns, Purveyor of Thirst, Lord of Abs, and Champion of Queers, is here to say, “EAT THIS, BITCHES!” Seriously, Oko is the hotness, and the gay nerddom collectively gasped and dropped their drawers when this art came out. On top of that, as per the first few pages of the book (SPOILER if that matters), Oko very quickly dominates Garruk into submission, decides to call him “Dog,” and insists that he be called “Master.” So, um, yeah. Oko is officially admitted into the queer canon. Praise GAWD.

As a card, I’m liking it on first blush. Has some immediate utility potential in EDH, as it can blank basically any hard-to-answer threat in colors that don’t always get pure removal, but it’s going to be hard to get more than one use out of him, so I doubt he’ll be a format staple. For eternal 60 card formats, there’s a shot that a Modern deck could make use of him, probably dependent on how many other good uses there are for Food that come out. As for Standard, I’m sure there’s tons of potential, especially enabled by the next card powering him out on turn 2:

I’m starting high on Gilded Goose for Standard. This is as close as we’ve gotten to a Birds of Paradise in years, and that shouldn’t be underestimated. Remember, people were unsure at first if Aether Hub would be able to fix mana more than once, and turns out, it totally can. I think there’s definitely a Food deck somewhere in here, using this, Oko, and some other payoffs that may not have been enabled yet. But yeah, Llanowar Elves is rotating out, but 1-mana ramp isn’t dead.

Okay, I know I said I’d focus on Commander cards separately, but this card is so exciting. First, the flavor is just insane. I love the Monkey’s Paw theme here, and they did such a good job conveying it. Second, it is not hard at all to break parity on this, and I’ll have tons of thoughts when I get to the Commander post. For Standard, I could imagine it being possible for a Control deck to make it happen.

Loving this twist on The Abyss. In some ways, it’s actually better, since it can punish other control decks that try to hide behind Planeswalkers. It also makes it so token decks are punished appropriately by it, and the owner can’t hide behind tokens to keep it in play indefinitely. And if they have no nonland permanents at all, then you immediately get its sacrifice trigger. It’s a beautifully designed card, and I expect it to see Standard play, particularly in variants of Esper Control as a sideboard card for control mirrors and against certain other decks.

Of all the cards in the set so far, this one is the most immediately an obvious staple. Non-Rakdos decks have been missing a Hero’s Downfall effect, especially with Vraska’s Contempt rotating out, and I immediately see this card slotting into Monoblack decks, all forms of Control decks, W/B lifegain decks, Rakdos decks, and the likely upcoming Knights deck that Eldraine is promising. In other words, I think most Black decks will be interested in this, and that’s to say nothing of the homes it may find in Commander.

Wow, okay. First of all, I am BEYOND stoked that this card has quickly become the subject of Monty Python memes galore. If by some tragedy, you aren’t familiar, please educate yourself here: https://youtu.be/ZtYU87QNjPw

Aside from gorgeous artwork depicting a strange woman in a pond distributing swords, this card seems busted in Commander, and may find itself homes in other formats as well. I’m unsure about Standard, but there might be something. But it’s such a great card I had to highlight it.

Sea Monster! I love me some Sea Monster realness, and Nessie here is beyond cute and deserves all the hugs. Beyond that, I can potentially see him as a Control finisher, particularly against decks like Simic Flash, where casting this in response to them tapping out at the end of your turn is a much more viable option than trying to land a 6-drop Planeswalker. Maybe it’s a sideboard only card, but I’m definitely going to keep it in mind for my Dimir Control deck post-rotation.

Love this design. First of all, the flavor is off the charts, with the “Can’t be blocked except by creatures with haste” being one of the best lines I’ve seen on a Magic card in a while. Second, I actually think there’s Standard potential here, in the Red Cavalcade of Calamity deck that’s currently my second most hated deck of the Standard 2020 format (after Simic Flash, which is a deck designed for and by sociopaths). But yeah, there’s a home for this guy somewhere. My only quibble is that 1/1 doesn’t seem particularly ... brutish. Gingerbrat seems much more apt.

Hallelujah praise Kefnet! Opt is the glue that makes Blue decks in Standard work consistently, and I’m very happy to see this is sticking around. Sure, it’ll keep Simic Flash good, but it will also serve Blue-based control decks, and ensure that Izzet decks have a chance of finding a place in the meta. (Seriously, Izzet decks were basically doomed without Opt). It’s not an exciting preview for a lot of people, but it’s a sign to me that Play Design is doing a great job at making sure this format stays fun.

Oh, and the Monty Python references keep on coming. Again, here’s what they’re getting at: https://youtu.be/ZmInkxbvlCs

I don’t know if this card will be playable, but damn if it isn’t funny.

Control decks are going to jam this into their sideboards, make no mistake. Even a one or two of in the mainboard could make sense in decks without access to Thought Erasure, but it’s a little risky to jam if the metagame moves away from Black too much.

I can’t imagine Red decks won’t be interested in this. It seems incredibly versatile, as a well-costed threat or as reasonable removal. Or, y’know... both, because Adventures are totally cool like that. And the Rare cards with the mechanic generally have potential to be straight 2 for 1s. I’d even consider this against Control decks with lots of Planeswalkers, as this can take out a minused Teferi, Narset, Liliana, or Ugin with no trouble.

Hot damn, literally. This seems like it’s either going to be a major card in an archetype that doesn’t exist yet, or it’s going to be a big pile of nothing and end up in the bulk bin. I mean, it can ramp you super quickly to Drakuseth or Boss Chandra, and those are pretty reasonable options. Beyond Standard, I absolutely see this having a home in EDH, for decks that also run Mana Geyser and the like.

I’m loving Grumgully, mostly for his potential in non-Standard formats. He has enormous combo potential (mainly around Persist), and I really want to see an Against the Odds episode built around this for Modern. That’s all.

I saved Questing Beast for last, not because of any particular reason, but just because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to talk about it at all. But I think I have to. This card is beyond pushed. It will be a nightmare bomb in Limited, and it’s sure to see tons of play in Standard as a very direct Planeswalker punisher. Oh, you tapped out for Liliana for 6? Cute Zombies, I’ll just blaze past them, hit you for 4, and take Lili down far enough she can’t use her removal ability, all at once. Ugin, same problem. Narset? One hit & done. Dovin? Good luck with that damage prevention ability.

And on top of everything, it stays untapped so you can’t even retaliate effectively. Basically what I’m saying is there’s no way this card isn’t going to be a powerhouse for Standard for the next 2 years, but especially as long as War of the Spark is still legal. Planeswalkers have a new worst enemy.

Anyhoo, that’s it for today. My picks for most interesting and impactful cards previewed thus far. Excited to get my hands on some packs and start playing with them!