#In Florida. The nearest library to my house is 30 minutes away by car

[donuts4evry1]

I have a confession to make:

So I like to read books for my cousin. Reading is fun.

At the library, this bok caught her attention(because it was a cut glittery pink kitten haha) and I thought "oh, this will be a cute book"

NO.

IT ABSOLUTELY RIPPED MY HEART TO SHREDS I ALMOST BROKE DOWN SOBBING OVER THE DINNER TABLE OH. MY GOD.

Funny enough I don't want to spoil anything about the book so I'll just leave my commentary under the cut. It's a genuinely good read and I recommend it to everyone

This book follows a little kitten trying her very hardest to be a unicorn. Every time she makes a change to be more like a unicorn she is satisfied with herself, but her friends(?) Parakeet and Gecko keep telling her that she's too feline to be a unicorn.

And she tries to be confident but it's all shattered when an actual unicorn comes by in all of his unicorn-y glory. And she is heartbroken, because she could never compare to the magestic unicorn.

but there's a twist.

The unicorn explains to kitty that he isn't actually a unicorn- but a Kittycorn.

And Kitty brightens up immediately.

They end up bonding over their shared characteristics and it's all in all amazing and wholesome and at the end they cuddle and their shadows merge into a heart because they are not dissimilar anymore.

Anyways I think this story just. Resonated with me. As an allegorical children's picture book, it's intentionally vague and up to interpretation, but here's how it Resonated with me:

A lot of times, I'm comfortable in my birth gender. It was what I was born with, and I know it well.

Other times I don't feel anything towards it.

And during those times, I feel like I don't fit into anything at all. I can pass as masculine granted I wear clothes that aren't mine, but my mannerisms and voice are too feminine to truly pass. I'm stuck in between identities.

Every now and then I'll look into the mirror and feel. Disappointed. The person in the mirror isn't... good enough.

This subsided when I cut my hair but it's growing long again, and the feeling is starting to creep back.

I think the story showing an individual coming to terms with and celebrating the the "in between" is something I really wanted to see. Kitty isn't entirely a cat, nor is she entirely a unicorn. And it's shown not just to be ok- but to be wonderful. Unicorn, her original "goal", also having a journey similar to Kitty's is insanely heartwarming too and what really started tugging at the tear ducts.

Am I a girl? Am I a boy? Am I gender fluid? Am I a genderqueer? I'm a cis girl who wants to present masculine, or am I androgynous? Am I something not even on this list?

I have a lot of experimenting to do if I want to go to the bottom of this, but the bottom line is that I feel a little off inside of my own body, and seeing a cat go through a journey somewhat similar to mine makes me kind of. Emotional.