#In Marisa's voice no less

[shadowcatgirl09]

Aleks Le just made my day. He did the voice over for Luke when you give him Red Elevator 8, it was perfect.

[tragicotps]

Excerpt from The amber spyglass: chapter 16: The intention craft

[flowerandblood]

My Best Friend (4)

[modern! club owner • Aemond x fem!reader]  

[warnings: kissing, fluff, mention of stalking, swearing]

[description: Aemond has his own club and often does business at the home of one of his business associates. There he often meets his younger sister, with whom he develops a deeper relationship through shared secrets. This is slow burn love story.]

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

Previous and next chapters: Masterlist  

_____

Y/N, as previously agreed, sat at the table next to Aemond and Criston. In addition to them, there were a few more of their friends sitting around, whom Y/N knew more or less. 

Of all the girls, Y/N liked Marisa the most. She was quite a cool person and at first glance unpleasant in her attitude, but after getting to know her for a while, she turned out to be incredibly nice and funny. 

This time also with her interesting stories, Marisa managed to dissuade Y/N from unpleasant thoughts and from Albert, who occasionally leered at them, standing at the bar and talking to "colleagues in the industry". Suddenly, Y/N was approached by her father.

"I would like to speak with you. Now." He said briefly. Y/N nodded quickly, not daring to argue. 

"When did you want to tell me, that some juvenile punk is pestering you with messages and photos? Is he here among the guests now?" He asked immediately, enraged, as soon as they moved a bit aside. Y/N sighed.

“Yes, but please, understand, that the situation is very complicated. If I could, I would have reported him to the police a long time ago, but he's got Klaus in his grip." She spoke quickly, trying to explain the situation as best she could.

"Got Klaus in his grip? Because he couldn't read the contract, and it turns out my firstborn son isn't as smart as I hoped?"

Y/N frowned at those words.

“No. Because of the illegal business that, if I remember correctly, you introduced him to, saying that if he did it right, he would lose nothing. But you didn't foresee that, did you?" She asked, nodding towards the bar, where Albert was standing. Her father stroked his beard, fury and fierceness in his eyes.

"You will come back to us, to our family home. You'll be safe there."

"No." She replied right away. "I'm staying with Klaus. Here is my University, my friends. My home." She said finally. 

She could see, that her words hurt him. He and their mother were always the most focused on work - they, as children, were an extra. Klaus and Y/N formed a strong bond, and when Klaus left for college, Y/N couldn't find herself place. 

As soon as she reached the age of majority, she moved in to him. Only when she was with him, she had a real home again - one, where someone was waiting for her.

Y/N turned around and went back to her table. Aemond watched their conversation from a distance and saw, that they were arguing. He was tempted to ask for details, but he figured, that since she respected his privacy, he shouldn't pressure her to reveal herself to him either.

"Criston, please, I need another drink" She said, holding out her empty glass to him. Criston happened to be the closest person to booze. 

The party went off without any major problems, apart from a few drunken excesses. Aemond hadn't said a word most of the evening, deep in thought, but when he saw Y/N getting ready to make herself a fifth drink, he lightly grabbed her wrist under the table, stopping her movement. She looked at him questioningly.

"You do not exaggerate?" He asked, a note of concern in his voice. He had never seen her drink so much. In fact, it was very rare for him to witness her having more than two drinks at a party. Y/N frowned at his question.

"I'm having a good drinking day today. I'm not doing anything wrong." She said with some resentment. She waved her hand for him to let go, but he didn't. His face hardened.

"I wish I could go home knowing, that you're sober enough to understand what's going on around you, so I can sleep peacefully." He said with emphasis, his fingers holding her steady. It didn't hurt her, but it wasn't comfortable. 

Still, his words struck her slightly foggy mind even more, than they usually would, if she had controlled herself. Her eyes widened, as she stared at him silently. She lowered her gaze and hand. 

He stood up for her and tried to help her. He was genuinely worried about her.

She nodded. He let out a grunt of satisfaction and let her go.

They both jumped up, when they heard noises and shouts from the area around the mini-bar. It was Klaus and Albert, writhing on the ground and pounding their fists. They seemed to be explaining the situation.

"Klaus!" Y/N screamed and jumped up, Aemond and Criston followed her. 

People in the crowd, headed by their father, separated Klaus and Albert from each other, both panting and looking at each other with hatred.

"Get the fuck out of here, you bastard. You will never set foot in my house again." Klaus said, spitting blood on the grass. 

Albert laughed, but he was unsteady on his feet and very drunk himself. He started to mutter something and thrash about, but his friends took him by the arm and led him towards the exit. 

"Party's over" Klaus alerted, his eyes cloudy as he leaned against the bar, Criston holding him up on the other side.

After half an hour the garden was almost completely empty. Their father still seemed offended and decided, that he'd rather think things through alone, in the hotel. They didn't stop him. 

Later Y/N said goodbye to Marisa, who was returning with Criston and two other girls by Uber.

Together, Aemond and Y/N led Klaus to his bedroom. Y/N took off his shoes and covered him with the blanket. They hadn't even left the room, when her brother started snoring.

 There was silence as they walked out into the hallway. Y/N leaned against the wall, her eyes heavy. She glanced at Aemond, who was also looking at her. She realized, she didn't want him to go.

"Stay." She said softly, smiling broadly. Alcohol gave her courage. Her smile was full of cordiality and warmth, her eyebrows expressed a sincere request. 

"It will soon be four o'clock. Sleep on the couch, tomorrow I'll make us breakfast like the last time." She said with conviction.

Aemond stared at her and fought with himself. He had drank much, though he'd been much more careful today, than he had been a week ago. Still, he felt oddly energized. 

He watched her as she stood a few steps away from him, leaning against the wall, her hands clasped behind her back. He looked at her dress, at her long legs, at her hair, at her happy, bright eyes. 

"I'm afraid, you won't be able to get up early enough, to make us breakfast tomorrow." He said, looking her up and down. She laughed heartily at his words, completely relaxed. He wondered, how she could trust him so easily. She had no idea, what he was capable of.

"I'll set my alarm clock." She shrugged, a smile not leaving her face. 

Suddenly her eyes widened, as if she remembered something. She burst out laughing, but covered her mouth, to keep from making too loud noises. She took a few steps towards him and took his hand. 

"Do you want to see my childhood photos? I have a whole gem album. You've never been in my room, have you?" She asked lightly, pulling him behind her. Normally, he would have refused her, but now, he couldn't stand up to her.

She opened the door to her bedroom and turned on the light. The walls of her room were a very light, lilac color. There were posters, prints and illustrations everywhere. Her shelves were full of books, records, boxes, and assorted drawing and painting supplies. 

Aemond looked up in surprise. In his opinion, her room was a small workshop. Taking advantage of him looking around, Y/N reached for the album, that she mentioned. She was excited. 

She sat down on the carpet, leaning her back against the side of her bed, and patted the space next to her. He sat down next to her, their arms and legs touching. For some reason, he felt he needed her physical contact. Like this evening in the kitchen, when he kissed her hair. He felt something pleasant back then, light, care and tenderness. He had allowed himself to feel those feelings for her for some reason, and he wanted to feel them again.

"Look!" She said, barely holding back a laugh. 

Aemond glanced and shook his head, sighing, unable to stop the corner of his mouth from curling up. In the photo she was pointing to, Klaus and Y/N were standing. Klaus was probably 10 years old and Y/N was 6. Y/N was dressed up as Piglet and Klaus was dressed up as Winnie the Pooh. They were holding hands. Klaus's face expressed hopelessness and Y/N's immeasurable joy. 

Y/N clutched her stomach. It turned out, that their parents dressed them up every year for the carnival ball, each time thematically. Looking at it, Aemond felt a stab of jealousy again at the thought, of how close she was to her brother. The thought of Aegon made him sick.

"You have siblings, don't you?” She asked curiously, flipping through the pages of the album. Aemond took a moment to answer.

"Yes, I have. But we don't have a relationship as good as you and Klaus." He said dispassionately. Y/N stopped scrolling and glanced at him.

"Why? If, of course, you want to tell me." She added immediately, not wanting to test his patience. Aemond sighed and shrugged.

"What do you want to hear? It's hard to get on with my brother, whom I always have to drive home from brothels and justify him in front of my mother.” He laughed, but it wasn't a happy laugh—it was more of disappointment and bitterness. He looked at her and met her gaze. Their faces were inches apart.

He felt the atmosphere change instantly. He knew, he should look away, move on, tell her to keep showing the photos, but he couldn't. His dull mind roamed her face, from her eyes to her nose, to her eyebrows, soft, slightly red cheeks, long lashes, pleasantly full lips.

 He stopped on them and felt warmth in his stomach. He squeezed his eye shut, trying with what little free will he had left, to divert his thoughts from the direction, that they were heading. He could smell her shampoo, the same one he had smelled before.

He looked into her eyes again and saw that she, too, was following his face with her gaze. When their eyes met, he saw, that she blushed and took a deep breath. Their shoulders and thighs touched tightly, the tension between them almost tangible. 

Her head bent slightly, her eyes closed as she pressed her nose to his cheek. Aemond exhaled louder at the sudden closeness of their faces, but he didn't pull away. He felt his hands tighten on his knees. He ran his nose across her cheek and received a soft sigh, that made him instantly aroused. He squeezed his eye shut, inhaling the scent of her hair.

He knew, that they were both drunk, but he couldn't find the strength to pull away. Her closeness was so gentle, effortless, and he felt, like he could melt. He felt her lips place a gentle kiss on his cheek, and he, without thinking long, reciprocated. They both sighed. 

Her small, slender hand reached for his other cheek. She touched him with her fingertips to where his scars were, not looking at them, still pressed against his cheek on the other side. The movement of her fingers was gentle and unhurried, sending shivers of pleasure through him. 

He let out a low hum and felt her smile on his face, crowned with another touch of her lips to his cheek. He didn't know, how it was possible, that just a few kisses from her and the touch of her hand was enough, to make him so hard. 

He didn't want to spoil the moment, he didn't want it to be like everything else he'd experienced so far. He wanted her tenderness, complete and unfathomable. His hand clenched, his trembling fingers found her hair and tangled in it, much to her approval. 

He rubbed the back of her head with his thumb, running his nose along her cheek and occasionally placing a long, tender kiss there. He involuntarily turned his face to be closer to her mouth, but from her movements he felt, that she timidly did the same. 

As their lips touched, they froze for a moment and pulled away an inch, as if they both gave each other a moment to pause. They quickly leaned in again and again, sighing into each other's mouths, literally massaging each other's lips, as if they were trying to communicate something, to soothe each other. 

Their hands held their faces close together, their breaths were ragged, their kisses getting stickier and hotter. They broke apart to catch their breath. They stared at each other, their eyes dark with lust. Aemond closed his eye.

"I should go to sleep. Down on my couch." He finally said, though his whole body was screaming for him to stay with her, in her bed, to kiss her everywhere, to fuck her mercilessly. Y/N swallowed, her thumb brushing his cheek. A shudder went through him.

"I know." She said finally. 

She pursed her lips as he kissed her forehead and began to get up. The bulge in his pants didn't escape her notice. The realization, that she had such an effect on him, made her blush even more. 

She herself felt an insatiable pressure between her thighs, and as much as she wanted to keep him in her room, she knew, that they were both in a state, that would make them regret it later. After what that woman had done to him, Y/N didn't want to be the one, who couldn't stop herself. The one who will hurt him.

Aemond opened her bedroom door and looked at her.

"Good night." He said, his gaze expressing, that he was leaving her room with the last of his willpower.

"Good night." She replied.

[devouring-hive]

31, Marisa

It's not often that you get to see someone like that. Even in this world where sizes are getting increasingly swollen, breadths increasingly dramatic, watching someone waddle by who's not merely wider than she is tall, but wider by a factor of two- Maybe even three- Sizes is... Almost harrowing.

As a symptom of a wider epidemic Marisa Kirisame is a particularly curious case, she had always been fat in some measure or another throughout the many years she's made a public figure of herself, and throughout all of those years she's made no secret of her pride in her size- And in particular the assets that it brought with. With years into this incident now crawling by though, her weight has skyrocketed surely into the half-ton range by now, and left the confidence in it behind on earth as it shot into the stars.

Really, that is what's more harrowing than anything, to see a Marisa who doesn't walk- Or rather waddle nowadays, with her near trademark bravado down streets and across lanes like she doesn't just own what she's got, but what you've got as well. It's near frightening watching someone with such a powerful presence to her now shuffling along at snails' pace towards a stall with her hammy arms tucked in towards her flabby pancake-chest like she's afraid to be seen making her presence known.

No one that size, no one like her could ever hide though. Although it was something she took pride in once, now it seems like it's proving to be more of a spectacle than she can handle as she struggles her way up onto a quartet of stools magically pulled together into a makeshift bench and set far, far away from from the stall's desk. You're not sure what it is that she orders once she's sat and, relatively speaking, stable- The creak and grind of sturdy wood made flimsy beneath her immense girth drowns out any word she says at the distance you're observing from, but the chef at least seems to understand her...

Much to his apparent chagrin, the way you catch him grimacing.

As you watch Marisa lean forward toward the stall-desk to await her meal, you end up nearly as shocked as she is when her elbows land nowhere near the surface, and were it not for the bulky swell of double-terraced tum would have caused her to topple forward and straight into the undeserving stall like a golden-blonde wrecking ball. You're not sure whether it's fortunate or not that Marisa recovered quickly though, because as she straightens back out again the two of you lock eyes hard amidst her panicked cross-checking side to side.

She's crimson, nearly beet-red in the face, but the moment the two of you enter that battle of gazes something in her seems to click well into place- As a far-more familiar visage greets you rather suddenly to the tune of a tipped witches' hat and a wide, bright grin that lies smoothly about her previously-blatant embarrassment.

Marisa ushers you over with a pudgy hand beckoning sweetly, and her traditionally husky voice sounding just a little huskier than usual. "Well Ah'll be damned if it weren't just who ah was lookin' fer!" You know for a fact she doesn't know you, you only know her because she's famously hard to miss for a number of reasons. Still, she continues on like the two of you are long-time friends, and in doing so you can see clearly why even at her advanced size she's managed to score so often.

"Darlin' yer just in time, see, ah could use some'n ta' help me out here wit' a~... Special project'a sorts." You don't need to be a genius to get the idea that she's hoping you'll feed her, she's set herself up much too far away from the counter to actually reach the food she's ordered and you can only begin to imagine how difficult it's got to be for her to shift all of that flab around on its own- Much less when also levitating several objects at the same time.

You also don't need to be convinced.

Your step grows a little bit faster, a little bit more fevered, as you walk up to her to help her with her 'special project'- But that's when an idea comes to your mind, a particularly devious, pleasant one that if she was anything like the other girls around she might have thought about herself. As far as you're aware though, when you lean up to whisper into her ear your demands, the deep blush that takes her cheeks and nose ought to be fully expected.

Marisa looks away from you, away from everyone that she can who watch the two of you now like hawks, but there's always more people around during the dinner rush- Nowhere to hide, nowhere to go, and no way to get the food she's apparently actually paid for, for once, without acquiescing to your demands. Inevitably, as you figured it would, Marisa's stomach rumbles before she can come to a conclusion on her own, and her decision is made for her.

"Y-yeah, a'ight, ah kin' do that. Heh," Her voice resumes that bravado you now know fully well to be almost pathetically fake as she prattles on; "-I should'a figured ya'd be smitten when ah first saw ya takin' peeps, luck you that'cha pulled yer confidence t'gether eh? Ain't many folk that do!" How... Ironic, coming from her now that you know the truth. Marisa pats at one of her monstrous hips with a pudgy palm chipperly, grinning at you yet again as the nearly horrifically-oversized leg it's attached to ripples like a still pool.

"Pop on up darlin', you know there's more'n enough room here on th' ol' Kirisame Couch!~" Her confidence is infectious even if it is fake, you clamber on up her surely-immeasurable breadth and girth, using nearly-fluid folds and rolls of flab across the flank of her belly as handles, to aid your ascent up her mountainous mass of blubber. It takes you a minute even so, but once you're up and on top of her lap- So massive that her gut will never be able to overtake it all- You lean back into the pillowy plushness of her tum and tits to the tune of an "Oofh!" -and the screaming creaks of wooden stools beneath the two of you.

Just in time too, because between the time it took you to talk it out and the time it took you to climb up Marisa's near-blob of a body, the food she'd ordered for herself has made an appearance! -Stacked high in numerous separate bowls, plates and glasses, the witch's average meal dwarfs everything around it like others' meals are mere planets orbiting a caloric star. Although Marisa can't see it all past you sitting in her lap, she can smell it, and the back of your neck gets the slightly unpleasant sensation of drool dribbling down it in silent reply, silent demand.

You figure it wouldn't do well to keep the lady waiting, so settling further back into the cushiony wall of tub that now serves as your seat and backboard alike, you start to feed- Beginning with the richest, weightiest stuff first.

. . .

"Uuurrrghpph... Oorhp- Rrfh... Hhrrfhh..." Despite everything you did to sabotage her, starting with the big stuff first, leaving her alcohol to last, laying increasingly heavily back on her equally-increasingly hardening guts, there was nothing that you could do to break her spirit... If that can really be called 'spirit' at all. Marisa's dress, typically poofy, grew slick and taut against her body as sweat overtook her and made the doughy plush of her frame seem somehow only softer with a better idea of just the extent to which her spongey flab has all but exploded across her figure in recent years.

Towards the latter end of the meal, it was just too much for you to resist. There was only a little bit of dessert left remaining anyways, and something in you told you that the triple-chinned magician could afford to wait on her fourth flan for a minute or two while you enjoyed your flan. Getting her dress up to expose that monster tum was impossible for you, that thing was no doubt at least thirty pounds before it was dampened with sweat and you have no idea how heavy it is now, only that you can't lift it off her steaming blob of a body- and that even if you could, you probably wouldn't want to, for the smell of sweat might just be too much for you to resist.

Not that you can really resist anyways. Even stuffed stupid to the point of being unable to speak, much less move, Marisa's gut can be pressed in on by nearly tens of inches before you hit the hard wall of her overtaxed stomach and draw out a long moan from the beached whale of a witch. With that in mind, you know exactly how far you can push her without making her too uncomfortable to finish her meal by the end of it all, and in so doing begin to lightly bounce atop her lap and tum, watching with a hazy-eyed glee as her entire body ripples and bounces with damp-sounding plopping.

You hardly even notice the tortured shrieking of the wooden stools beneath the two of you as your now sweat-slicked hands reach up to grab at bare handfuls of cheek and chinflab that're softer than marshmallows and wobblier than jell-o to begin kneading and pinching amid your efforts to make one of Gensokyo's saviors look like little more than an overpumped bouncy castle in desperate need of deflating before it pops...

Perhaps you ought to have though; Because for all your reverie, squeezing, pinching bouncing and generally toying with Marisa's long-overfed frame you receive the reward of a loud crack, a shared look of awe between you, and a swift plummet to the muddy ground below, courtesy of a sextet of stools taken past their brink and splintered beneath the impossible weight they bore valiantly up 'til now- Then by a hoarse shriek much too late to stop your now-shared fate.

You bounce hard, and roll off of Marisa in a heap, Marisawho dizzily and nauseously moans like a child overindulgent in their favourite sweets; Clutching at her roiling tum as though it's about to split at the seams and burst like a piñata cracked at in just the right way-... Perhaps, again, to both of your surprise though, what bursts open isn't her gut but rather the long-suffering dress that keeps it. Rolling pale hills of rippling belly blubber slop oozingly out further onto her lap with a meaty 'thwop' as her stuffed guts settle into their deserved place.

Marisa groans in her nausea, kept at check through willpower alone.

You groan in your pain, fully expressed after the shock wears away.

The chef groans in his frustration, no doubt about to ask you to pay for the stools in addition to the expansive meal, too.

Before he can, though, Marisa's glazed eyes lazily glide over to where you lay crumpled in your muddy heap and-... She smiles, broadly, with a minxish wink.

"That's- Urgkh... Usually why ya save aftercare fer after th' fun's over... Heh- Hehehuurhph!- Guhh- Good-... Good effort, though!~"

Perhaps, just maybe, her swaggering bravado hasn't faded after all.

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

His Dark Materials Season 3 - Full Season Thoughts

When I say that I’ve been waiting for this not just for two years since S2 but also for 15-ish years since I read the book, I truly am not exaggerated, I just know that I’m going to be a MESS and bawling at the end of it.

Warning: not only for spoilers under the cut but also because I’m fangirling AND screaming a lot about this series so… yep! Be prepared!

Episode 1: The Enchanted Sleeper

I HAVE MISSED THIS SHOW SO FUCKING MUCH

AMBER SPYGLASS ADAPTATION HERE WE GO 10 YEAR OLD ME IS CRYING SCREAMING SHAKING THROWING UP

Will looking for Lyra 😭❤️

The fact that in her dream-state, the first thing Lyra asked for was Pan, and me knowing what’s coming??? Oh, this season will truly break my damn heart-

ROGER ROGER ROGER 😭😭😭😭

THE TITLE CREDITS CHANGED AND I SAW THE LAND OF THE DEAD AND HARPIES AND ALSO THE MULEFA ASDFGHJKL

DADDY ASRIEL BELACQUA IS BACK ASDFGHJKL

Stelmaria is so bloody beautiful, oh my god, Asriel truly has such a beautiful dæmon

THE GALLIVESPIANS ASDFGHJKL HOLY FUCK EVERYONE ITS ALL COMING TOGETHER

Am admittedly a little disappointed they’re not riding dragonflies or anything

ASRIEL IS WAGING HIS WAR IT’S HAPPENING

I’m so ridiculous, I fangirled seeing Ama because I was like “I REMEMBER HER FROM THE BOOK”

The BSL between Mrs Coulter and Ama omg I was not expecting that but I was literally captivated the entire time they were on-screen, 11/10 choice

Pan weakly asking Mrs Coulter to let them go 😭 also hi Kit Connor, I keep forgetting you’re the voice of Pan in this series

Why is Father Gomez… hot tho 💀

THE GAY ANGELS KISSED THIS IS GOD TIER FUCKING CONTENT GOD FUCKING BLEEEESSSSS

Baruch and Balthamos, yet another reason my heart is going to fucking shatter tonight

Ogunwe’s eldest daughter being “soulless” and Asriel explaining it by explaining his and Stelmaria’s bond and saying what happened to the girl is the same as cutting his dæmon/soul away 😭

Lyra managing to escape but she’s so weak that she didn’t get far and Marisa caught her 😔

The mother-daughter dynamic is so interesting in such a messed up way, like Marisa truly thinks what she’s doing is right and will protect Lyra but also her method of keeping her daughter safe is to drug her and keep her asleep in a cave/hideaway somewhere, truly unstable and unhealthy parenting techniques here

Ama saw her chloroforming Lyra oh my god 😦

IOREK LOOKING FOR LYRA OH MY GOD 😭 HE LOVES HER SO MUCH I LOVE ONE BEAR DAD AND HIS HUMAN DAUGHTER

Will really sliced Iorek’s helmet like it was butter, no wonder Iorek was like “nope I’m not fighting I can’t fight a knife that does that to my armour”

Not Father Gomez sniffing Mrs Coulter’s (?) dress 💀

Oh no no no not the spy fly things being sent after Mrs Coulter, Jesus H-

Marisa telling the monkey to leave her alone and he just doesn’t??? Like he wants to try and comfort her but doesn’t know how, and he doesn’t say anything but she knows what he’s thinking??? Their dynamic is so messed up, I love it

“Welcome to the Republic of Heaven, Commander” CHILLS LITERAL CHILLS

They ended the episode with an “in memory of” for Helen McCrory (the voice of Stelmaria in S1&2) and I nearly started bawling oh my god

Episode 2: The Break

“Nearly 400 years with Baruch must have mellowed me” - OH MY GOD T H E M

“We feel as one, though we are two” - THEY ARE SO…?!? THIS IS BEAUTIFUL ASDFGHJKL

“And you’ll find a way to protect the one you love” - 😭😭😭

SPYFLY?!

I know it’s been three years since the end of S1 aired and obviously the young actors grow fast, but damn is Roger’s voice deeper than when he died

“They’re hurting me” - NOOOOOOOOOO

“Just tell me where you are and I’ll find you!” “... The Land of the Dead” - FUCK ME

Lyra screaming for Roger like that, I feel so sick

Pan’s little ermine noises are so cute omg

“Where did you go? I... I couldn’t follow you there.” (Pan to Lyra) - NOT THE FORESHADOWING, JUST RUN ME THROUGH WITH A KNIFE AT THIS POINT, IT WOULD FUCKING HURT LESS JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

QUEEN RUTA SKADI AAAAAAHHHHH

“It would take more than a little crash to put an end to the pair of us” - I swear to fucking god, if this is more foreshadowing-

(it’s been a few years since I read TAS, okay, give me a break if I’ve forgotten anything)

AAAHHHH MARY MALONE I MISSED YOU

Wait did she just walk into Ogunwe’s camp???

“Something happened here a few days ago and now they’re everywhere” - WHAT ARE??? IS IT THE BUZZING???

The way I tensed up seeing Marisa approach Ama jesus christ i do NOT trust that woman

Also Ama’s outfit reminded me of Lyra’s Jordan College outfit from the film, like the red pinafore and blue dress underneath I mean

ROKE??? AND HE MENTIONED LADY SALMAKIA AAAAHHHHHHH

“When is Lyra not in danger?” - LMFAO true though

“You dismiss Lyra too easily” - Exactly, thank you Stelmaria! Was not expecting her to come through for Lyra but I’m pleased!

“Eve was the Mother of Creation, Lyra is simply the creation of Marisa and I. She is not Eve, she’s a little girl” - OOF

“She must have some information they need or some skill we’ve overlooked.” “Other than being able to read the Alethiometer, she has very little, I’m afraid... other than a nose for trouble” - DAMN ALRIGHT CHILL ASRIEL

The way that Stelmaria snarled so angrily at him talking about Lyra like that oh my GOD

“What??? What would you like me to say?” “The truth.” - FUCK YEAH, Stelmaria, call out your human like that!

“There are angels above the camp” - OOH SHIT

“What are they doing?” “They’re fighting” - OH FUCK WAIT I THINK I REMEMBER THIS NO-

I AM NOT READY TO LOSE BARUCH YET NO NO NO NO FU-

“He’s leaving us” — NO FUCK OFF FUCK OFF I FUCKING CANT DO THIS TODAY-

“My Balthamos” - IM NEVER GOING TO RECOVER FROM THIS, NEVER, THIS IS TOO PAINFUL

HIS LAST WORD WAS “BALTHAMOS” I AM GOING TO SCREAM

Yes we got gay angels kissing but at what cOST 😭😭😭😭😭😭

BALTHAMOS FEELING IT WHEN BARUCH DIES ASDFGHJKL NO I CANNOT COPE, IM GONNA BE SICK, THIS IS SICK, PHILIP PULLMAN IM HIDING UNDER YOUR BED

“This is your fault… you forced me to come here! I wanted us to stay together, I wanted to go with him! They’ve killed him!” - literally STAB ME, it would hurt FAR less 😭

Father Gomez is so hot but he has a spider dæmon so it’s a hard no from me 🙈

“I once killed an innocent young boy in order to harness it (Dust)” - yeah, and we still haven’t FUCKIN forgiven you 

Not Asriel straight up torturing Alarbus in his Dust experimenting chamber :l though he DID kill Baruch so...

“You think you’re significant - He does not even know your name” - DAMN, what a sick burn

“We have a life in the resistance; we can read, write, learn... all those things are forbidden by the temple, especially for-” “Girls.” - oh damn. It’s obvious that this is a commentary on teachings by the church or whatever, especially how it used to be in the past. (My brain is tired so I can’t do full analysis, but I’m sure other people out there will do it better than me)

The girls wanting Mary to stay “to rest” and then asking her about why she’s looking for the girl while pouring her a drink... feels very ominous to me and I hope I’m wrong

(Spoiler alert: I was wrong)

The Magisterium straight up sending out a death squad to kill Lyra, Jesus Christ it’s almost hilarious how far gone they are that they can’t see why killing a teenage girl is wrong, like mother of sin or not, that is still a teenage girl

Will to Iorek: You attract too much attention - YOU DON’T SAY LMAO HE’S LITERALLY AN ARMOURED BEAR

Of course Balthamos knows sign language, that literally makes so much sense because he’s an angel so of course he’d know literally every language in history - and so of course he appears and translates because she can’t hear Will and he doesn’t sign. I love it

I know only a small amount of BSL but I felt so happy when I was able to read Balthamos signing “W-I-L-L” and Ama finger-signing her own name

“But no mother could possibly be this cruel.” “This mother would.” - DAAAAAAAMN

She’s growing sunroot, which is a waking medicine oh my gOD I love Ama, she is truly an icon in her own right even though she’s only in two episodes

Will smiling a little when he sees Lyra sleeping :’)

THE WAY I JUMPED AT MARISA’S VOICE OMG

“I always suspected that you were coming, but I didn’t think you’d be the first” - oh my god, she KNEW Will would come sooner or later, she knows how much he cares for Lyra

Her offering him tea and my first thought being “do NOT drink anything she gives you, do NOT do it”

“I’m keeping her here because I’m her mother, and I love her” - BITCH, you’re straight up drugging her, mother or not you are NOT showing your love in a healthy way

See, I get that she says she’s trying to keep Lyra safe because she knows the Magisterium want her dead, but like... drugging her? Keeping her there against her will? Ma’am, please-

“Because she hates me, Will, and if I woke her she’d run” - damn I’m not surprised, you’ve not exactly been the most loving of mothers at this point

“Wouldn’t your mother do the same for you? A child needs their mother. You understand that, Will. You need your mother” - oh NO, no, no, do NOT bring up Mrs Perry!!!

“And here’s the trick they never tell you: your mother needs you” - oh she’s a goddamn SNAKE

“You promise that you’re keeping her safe? That you’ll carry on keeping her safe?” - Will, nOOO do NOT leave her there

Oh, she nearly CRAPPED herself when he mentioned going to Asriel

“I have seen them together; where one goes, the other follows” - literally everyone else notices it, they’re really not subtle

“You would use your own daughter as a trap?” - yeah, no, that really doesn’t shock me at this point, the man has no fuckin morals anymore

Oh okay PHEW, Will actually has a plan and isn’t just blindly trusting Marisa, I’m resting a little easier now

“I’m counting my steps - we’ll return by them in another world” - OH SHIT HERE WE GO

Nah, that monkey is STILL giving me the chills, fucking hate that monkey so bad

“Your mind is muddled” - this episode has featured so much Stelmaria calling Asriel out, and that’s content I’m honestly living for

Marisa giving the monkey a massive rock and going “do your worst”... AND THEN SHE LOWERED HER HEAD AND HE SMACKED HER OVER THE HEAD WITH IT WHAT IN THE FUCK IS GOING ON I LITERALLY GASPED, like she clearly was telling him to do it but WHYYYYY???

Ama was so ready to go with Will and help him, we have to stan

So now Marisa looks battered and bruised...? I’m guessing she’s got some kind of plan here???

Ohhhh okay, I get her plan now: she looks all beaten up, she tells Gomez that Will has come and taken Lyra, it looks like Will has hurt her when he stole Lyra, Gomez will then hopefully leave thinking that she doesn’t still have Lyra... got it. Bit extreme to have your dæmon beat the shit out of you though

“You know, he had several hundred miles and the boundaries between worlds to cross, and yet... he still managed to get here before you. Bravo.” - LMFAO the shade

“... I am going to take Lyra now, Mrs Coulter” - Oh he didn’t fall for it in the slightest lmao he was like “well, at least you tried”

“you gave her the terrible punishment of her existence” is such a cruel line, jesus christ my dude

He’s not even trying to hide the fact that they want to murder her daughter omg

THE WINDOW IS FORMING ASDFGHJKL WILL IS COMING

Is she trying to distract Gomez so he doesn’t see Will and the knife?!? Is she actually doing something good???

Pan hopping into Will’s coat pocket omg that’s so cute I love it

THAT MONKEY IS FERAL

SHE WHACKED HIM OVER THE HEAD OH MY GOD

“Oh dear… perhaps you were right about that strength” - LMAO she’s so iconic

Not Marisa thinking she’s coming with him and Lyra 💀 I don’t know whether I feel sorry for her or not at this point

“Do you think it’s that easy to dispose of me? Is that what you do, Will? Was your mother as easily disposed of? Where did you leave her?” - ACTUALLY NAH YOU KNOW WHAT, I don’t feel sorry for her at all

His mind isn’t empty enough, she’s distracting him, he’s gonna break the knife 😭😭😭

THE KNIFE BROKE I KNEW IT WAS COMING BUT DAMN

NOT HER THREATENING WILL WITH A GUN AND LYRA STANDING IN FRONT OF HIM TO PROTECT HIM

AH THE GALLIVESPIAN STINGING HER YESSSSS

The airships shooting at them and Iorek immediately jumping to defend them I’m-

“Iorek’s here?” - YES, HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH 😭

Ama jumping on that soldier and Will killing him before he can kill her I’m-

Asriel really arrived super late to the party, literally all the fighting is over and done with 💀

Ohhhh he’s seen Marisa 👀

Lyra taking Will’s hand as they lie together under the stars 😭❤️

Episode 3: The Intention Craft

I’m gonna try to keep my notes a little bit briefer because it took me two hours to watch a 57 minute episode on episode 2 :’( this is 8 hours worth of tv, it’s currently 00:20 am and we’ve only done two episodes so... yeah

NOT THE SHOT OF THE DÆMON (presumably Pan) ALONE ON A DOCK ASDFGHJKL; YALL THIS IS SICK

“Whatever happens... we’ll be together” - having read the book is both a blessing and a curse because on the one hand I’m somewhat able to prepare myself beforehand but on the other I KNOW how painful this is about to be and I can’t stand it

Oooh Marisa is Asriel’s prisoner :O

I think Asriel is enjoying having her as his prisoner a bit TOO much

The way he was right behind her, so close he was literally breathing on her neck as he tied her up... asdfghjkl;

“You could be standing here beside me, you know” - NOT THE MARISA/ASRIEL FEELS asdfghjkl

*taking her necklace in hand* “still wear this?” - ASDFGHJKL did he give that to her?? Or is it just one of those “oh you still wear this?” things???

“How could you and I have produced another Eve?” - no but same, I’m still wondering that lmfao

Not him calling Lyra a “wretched girl” and acting like it’s her fault Marisa turned up to whisk her away?!

Did they collar and chain up her monkey dæmon too??? Damn, he knows her well lmao

“You seem different.” “So do you.” “...you’re staring.” - oh my gOD

Not Salmakia spying on them :’) “I haven’t been hiding, you just haven’t been looking” LMAO

“How do I know you won’t cut into another world?” - umm because the knife’s broken??? It ain’t cutting shit right now

Ahhh she’s got her Alethiometer back! All is right with the world :3

“Since he’s died, I’ve done none of the things he’s asked me to do” - awww Will :(

Are we gonna meet the Mulefa this episode? The next one? :O

“Because Roger’s dead body was in a cage! In a cage that he made, he killed him!” - when she puts it like that, I’m not shocked she wants nothing to do with Asriel anymore, damn

“to work alongside a murderer?!” - 1) Will is a murderer? 2) The reason she trusted Will was because the Alethiometer told her he was a murderer?? But I get what she means

I don’t like when Will and Lyra argue :( 

“Lyra is pushing him to do things he doesn’t want to do.” “Oh, she is her mother’s daughter!” “You don’t trust her?” “She’s also mine.” - LMFAO TRUE ENOUGH

The device Asriel is using to communicate with Salmakia with is so cool omg

Father MacPhail really just sitting there in the dark all like “where have you gone??” I think he’s losing it a little

RED PANDA PAN AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

“You’re not always right, you know that?” - LMAO I love Lyra and Pan so much

“Your father was right about you - you are insufferable” - OOF DAMN

NOT THEM LEADING THE MONKEY ON A CHAIN LIKE A DOG 

At least they gave her new clothes I guess?

“I have been the worst mother in the world” - NO SHIT

“I didn’t think of her for years - and if I did, it was only to regret the embarrassment of her birth, the humiliation-” “Ridiculous! I have never understood why a child born of our love should be a humiliation!” “An illegitimate child and a murdered husband! That is quite something to carry on my back” -- Damn, this trial literally just became a couple’s counselling session for Marisa and Asriel??? And Asriel straight up admitting he loved her??? That they loved each other??? 

I will not ship them, I will NOT ship them, I WILL NOT-

“What if Iorek’s not there?” “He wouldn’t leave without me” - AND WE ALL KNOW IT ASDFGHJKL

“I know it wasn’t real, but once or twice I woke up and she was holding me... never been held before” - I’M NOT CRYING YOU ARE-

IOREK AND LYRA REUNITING, HER HUGGING HIM IM SOBBING ACTUALLY I LOVE ONE GIRL AND ONE BEAR-

There’s something very special to me about Lyra sitting against Iorek’s flank, I can’t explain how soft it is

“Huh, still a Silvertongue” - asdfghjkl; he’s the one who gave her that name, it’s literally a title he bestowed on her, I love it :’)

Oh no, is Dr Cooper the one from Bolvanger??? Am I remembering correctly???

“Ah yes... you always were easily impressed by what he made” - DAMN I should NOT have cackled like I did

I can’t get over how charged the scenes between Asriel and Marisa are, my goodness-

“The inventor of hideous machines, capable of tearing children apart” - you’re one to talk, remember what you did to Roger????

“But along comes some foul mouthed arrogant little brat with dirt under her fingernails, and ohhh you can love her! You cluck and you settle your feathers over her like a mother hen-” - JESUS I’M-...?!?

The way he slammed her up against the intention craft after she spat at him, his hand on her face... I thought they were gonna kiss, holy SHIT

“Every hideous thing that you’ve done in his name... and it was all a lie” - DAMN, this episode is cutting so deep in all the best ways

It’s the way I know what’s going to happen, I know the knife is fixed, and yet I’m still nervous

“Find what matters!” *glances to Lyra* - oh they are NOT slick, they’re so obvious about this and I’m all for it

Imagine being Will and waking up to see a massive looming bear standing over you, omfg

YAY, the knife is fixed! (I knew it would be but still) I love that it looks more twisted, at least in my opinion

“You will always be a welcome visitor to Svalbard, and the same is true to you, Will. You are worthy of each other. Goodbye, Lyra Silvertongue - I hope we do meet again one day.” - NOT ME CRYING OVER AN ARMOURED BEAR’S RELATIONSHIP WITH A GIRL

Now why is Asriel showing the prisoner angel to Marisa, no good will come of this-?

“He’s beautiful.” “Everyone’s beautiful.” - this plus the way he keeps leaning and shit around her... at this point, everything Asriel has done this episode just straight up seems like him flirting with Marisa lmao

Eyyyy Balthamos is back!!!

Balthamos: so, you ready to go to Asriel yet? // Will: LOL sorry nope 

And just as soon as he was back, he went away again :O

“my mum’s always said if a friend needs help, you should give it” - Will Parry is his mother’s son through and through :’)

“That no doubt depends.” “On what?” “What Asriel does to him.” - oh god he’s gonna fucking kill that angel and cause more chaos, I can feel it

NOT ASRIEL AND MARISA TEAMING UP TO TORTURE THE ANGEL AND DESTROY HIM

Damn even Marisa looks kinda freaked out by Asriel torturing the fucking angel oh my god

LMAO SHE RAN SO FAST TO THE INTENTION CRAFT 

“Goodbye Asriel” should NOT have hit me so hard, oh my goodness

Yeah, no, I don’t think the knife can cut through to the land of the dead? Which makes sense all things considered

OH, the last world he could cut to before the land of the dead is the desert wasteland one from Lyra’s dreams! :O

Pan like “wait, this doesn’t feel safe” and backing away whimpering :’(

IS THE SAD THING GONNA HAPPEN NEXT EPISODE NO NO NO I CANT HANDLE IT

I thought we’d have until like episode 6 or something :’(

Episode 4: Lyra and Her Death

Judging from the title of this episode... FUCK I AM NOT READY WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE’RE AT THIS POINT ALREADY

(If it’s not this episode then it’ll probably be the next one, either way I’m not READY)

Pan: *whimpering* // Lyra: Pan, stop that - :’(

“Then where are everyone’s dæmons?” “We’ve been in plenty of worlds without dæmons before, just get in my pocket and we’ll be fine.” “There are people here who should have dæmons but don’t.” - PAN IS GONNA MAKE ME SOB THIS EPISODE ASDFGHJKL

Not Marisa running straight back to the Magisterium jesus christ girl why

“Good. This is good.” - NO IT FUCKING ISN’T LYRA

“How long do we wait?” “Until you die, of course!” - well, I mean, it IS the land of the dead so...

I genuinely cannot tell what is going on in Gomez’s head at this point O_o he’s so creepy

“Somewhere out there is a tempter, a serpent, and I had to keep them from meeting” - but here’s the thing: the angel told Mary that she was to play the role of serpent, and she and Lyra have already met. But also, Marisa maybe thinks the serpent is Will, which adds a whole new layer to this whole situation???

“And the way he (Asriel) is fighting, Hugh... it’s is terrifying” - oh look, me and Marisa agree on something for once!

“Sometimes your devotion is hard to read” - lmao true

“You have my mind, my body, and my soul (...) He could never resist temptation, whereas you... your abstinence is magnificent” - exCUSE ME WHAT MARISA????

I deadass thought he was about to try and force himself on her then

“Remember what we did together... our lives are entwined” - UMMMM??? I’m not the only one reading into that in a slightly sexual way, right??

Who knew that the waiting area in the land of the dead was like your everyday doctor’s waiting room, complete with grating elevator music??

I both want to know what’s in the chest Gomez gave Marisa and I also do not want to know O_o “it’s how we found you, a kind gift”?

Is there some generational mother-daughter trauma theme going on here or...? Because she said “mother” and he said “she was only too happy to help”, and her response was “of course she was”?

Is Mary in the Mulefa world right now???

“Feels like we’re in a horror film.” “... Why would you want to watch a film that makes you feel horrible?” “...You make a good point.” “I like the film with the bear.” - ASDFGHJKL, THIS WHOLE CONVERSATION XD Also the reference back to S2 where they were watching Paddington omg

“Everyone has a Death. Goes everywhere with them, all their life long.” (Lyra: Isn’t that scary?) (Larissa(?): Not at all, dear. It’s natural) “From the moment you’re born... your Death comes into the world with you. And it’s your Death that takes you out. There’s love in that.” - Pan’s little face :’(

“When you’re ready, they say it’s beautiful. Your Death says, ‘easy now, easy child, you come along with me’. And you go with them, to the boat and the boatman.” - not me getting emotional over the talk of death, fuck me-

Pan retreating back into Lyra’s pocket sadly, like he KNOWS he won’t be allowed to go with them, I hate it here-

DAMN, Marisa slaying in that purple dress with heels, holy shit-

“If you won’t stop...” “You’ll do what, exactly?” *dramatic music stops* “... I’ll fetch support.” “Good. We all need support.” - BAHAHAHAAHAHA This show is a fucking comedy at times oh my god

The fact that any part of the dæmon guillotine design is being reused is horrendous, let alone as a fuckin BOMB

“*casually* Oh. They’re here for me.” - LMAO

“Wait: can we talk about this?” - Will asking the REAL questions here omg let’s not do this please

Lyra: You were on my side. // Pan:... I thought I was by your side.” - STOP RIGHT NOW FUCK YOU

Lyra’s Death is there?!?! And she’s just leaving Will?!

Pan running after Lyra as she walks with her Death, I’m about to sob

Not them taking a lock of Lyra’s hair from Marisa while she sleeps??? And her sending Roke after Gomez, she was pretending to be asleep asdfghjkl

They’re using the lock of Lyra’s hair that Marisa has kept to aim the bomb at Lyra?!? Jesus fucking Christ, and they still think they’re the good guys here???

“I’m always here. I’ve followed you your entire life. I am a special devoted friend who’s been beside you every moment of your life. Who knows you better than anyone. Who knows you better than even you know yourself.” - oh shit

Also Pan being like “that’s not true!”, like he’s so offended by her Death saying that when he’s right there

If I remember correctly, wasn’t Lyra’s Death male in the book? Or...?

“I don’t want to be exceptional. Maybe once I did. My parents... that’s all they care about. I just want to be good. I just want to help someone, and Roger needs me... and I wasn’t there the last time he needed me.” - oh my heart is hurting so bad right now because in S1E02 I’m pretty sure she said to Pan that no one ever thought they’d be exceptional etc, and also the fact she still feels guilt for Roger’s death :’(

I’ve spent 15 years trying to imagine what a mulefa looks like... and now finally I know! Oh my goodness?!?! And it brought Mary food?!?

“You take me into the BEST places, you know that?” - LMAO Will’s so funny when he wants to be

“What else is there left to do?” Oh, I don’t know, Doctor Cooper, maybe NOT make a fricking bomb??? Also eyyyy Roke stung her!

“Arrogance. Sheer arrogance. I underestimated them” - yeah, no kidding, Marisa

Oof Marisa’s on a damn warpath, she’s gonna destroy the Magisterium and I’m so here for it

“What if we don’t come back?” “Then we’ll have died doing something important” - I’m way too emotional for this episode, I’m already losing my mind and emotions and I know it’s just going to get worse and worse :’(

Marisa calling out MacPhail as a sinner oh this is delicious the tea is so delicious today

“You have no right here; you are a wanton woman who has always wanted what she didn’t have. Your husband was killed by your lover, the heretic Asriel, and your illegitimate child was abandoned until she became sin itself.” - OH DAMN

“You will address me as Father President or Your Grace” - damn, man is on a freaking power trip?!?!

“I’m sorry? This is where your loyalty lies? Not with that above? Not with truth but with power?” - Marisa is spilling ALL the truth today oh my lord she did not come to play around

“This is all you really are: an incoherent, emotional woman. Why should anyone trust you? You can barely string a sentence together” - OH YOU LIL BITCH I’M ABOUT TO THROW THESE HANDS

He took her locket?!? 

“And when we sever your dæmon, you will be the bullet to kill Lyra Belacqua and to save us all from sin” - on the one hand, isn’t it ironic that her own dæmon severing technology is about to be used on her? But on the other, this man is one cruel motherfucker and I’m raging right now, FUCK this dude

“Take her to the cells... and bring her dæmon to me” - nah man, I’m about to be sick, fuck these motherfuckers. Fucking MEN, AM I RIGHT

Oh no. Oh no no no we’re at the docks and Pan is whimpering already I’m not strong enough today for this-

“I’m sorry, one of your party is unsuitable for travel at this time” - NO NO NO NO NO NO NO-

“We have to follow the rules. A pain, but necessary. No passage. Not for him.” “But he is me.” “If you come, he must stay.” “I don’t think you understand, if we separate we die.” “But isn’t that what you want?” - I’m really about to be crying at 2:30am over Lyra and Pan again aren’t I????

Pan running away because he knows Lyra will follow and he thinks it will stop it from happening, my HEART

“No, that’s not right, I don’t leave part of myself behind, why should she?” “Yes, you do, absolutely, you do. It’s her misfortune - or luck - to be able to see and talk to the part she must leave. You will not know until you are in the water, and by that time fortunately - or unfortunately - it will be too late for you to do anything about it. But you must all leave that part of yourselves here.” - NO NO NO NO NO I’m just going to keep chanting it until it stops fUCK

“We’re gonna get on the boat. Don’t worry.” “Lyra, you’re not listening to him, he won’t let us.” - AND LYRA BRINGING PAN ON THE BOAT TRYING TO CONVINCE HIM :’(((( she even tries to pull the thing herself but she can’t, I’m siCK-

“We can’t separate... we can’t...” :( :( 

“I’ve taken millions across... none have come back.” “We will. You don’t know Lyra and you don’t know me, but we’ll find a way. Another way. So since we’re doing that, be kind, boatman. Let her take her dæmon.” - Will trying so hard to get them to take Pan, even brandishing the knife, but it’s not happening asdfghjkl

“How many ages do you think I’ve been ferrying people? Do you think if anything could hurt me, it wouldn’t have happened already? You think the people I carry come with me gladly?! No, they struggle, they cry, they bribe, they threaten, they fight! Nothing works!” - :(

The entirety of the Lyra and Pan exchange had me outloud sobbing, clutching my chest in pain, I’ve got to share it all with you...

Lyra: I don’t want you leave you here.

Pan: We can still turn around.

Lyra: But I can’t not do this.

Pan: You can, Lyra.

Lyra: What about Roger? And Sal? They never got a chance to grow up.

Pan: But it’s not Roger and Sal, is it? Roger’s dead, and Sal is gone! And it won’t be Lyra and Pan, you’re leave me here, alone! What will I do?

Lyra: But our dreams…

Pan: I didn’t have those dreams! They were your dreams, I didn’t even want to come here! This is your choice!

Lyra: But we’re together…

Pan: Not if you do this.

Lyra: Please… I can’t betray Roger. It’s my fault he’s dead and now he needs me.

Pan: I need you too! Why can’t you see that? … Where will I go?

Lyra: I’ll find you… okay? I will go to the Land of the Dead and I’ll come back, and I’ll find you. I’m not leaving you… ‘Kay? I’m not leaving you, not forever. Will and me will find a way out of here, and we’ll go to Asriel’s, somehow you’ve got to get there too, but I have to do this.

Pan:… Then you’ve made up your mind. You’ve chosen Roger over me.

Lyra: No, Pan… please don’t, don’t… please… there’s no other way. I’ve got to… I love you.

Pan:… Just… go.

The way Lyra turned her head to watch him, the way Pan came up to the very edge of the dock and started crying, the two of them watching each other as they drifted further and further apart, the soundtrack... I am a fucking MESS

“My heart...” 😭💔

Lyra’s pained screams oh my GOD and Will holding her I’m not OKAY

Episode 5: No Way Out

My heart is already broken from last episode, I don’t know how much worse I can feel at this point 😭

Oh good, we’re starting with mulefa hijinks! (Sort of)

Mary stopping and having a moment of “what am I doing?… following a talking elephant” 🤣

IT SKATING AROUND ON PODS ASDFGHJKL

Lyra and Will: *having literally the worst times of their lives* // Mary: *playing with the Mulefa and living her best life*

The Mulefa having their own language oh my god and the orange subtitles fading to the white English ones omg because she’s learning their language

Baby Mulefa 😭❤️

Oof we’re right back to pain 🤡

“What does it feel like, being this far away from him? From Pan?” “It’s like an iron hand is gripped around my heart and is yanking it out between my ribs.” “And it’s mental too, right? As if some private secret thing’s been dragged out into the open?” “…yeah.” — 😭

“You know, you always said I must have a dæmon and I never believed you… and now it feels like I’ve known her my whole life. Maybe she’s with Pan now.” - ASDFGHJKL KIRJAVA IS COMING IM-

“Wait. If my dæmon’s still at the jetty, can you give him a message?” “I can tell you now, he won’t be.” 😭😭😭😭

Oooh Land of the Dead here we go!

I’m still curious as to why exactly Marisa and the monkey can separate so far? Have they already been intercised or something? Like they can REALLY go far from each other 🤔

“They intend to sever you from your dæmon!” “… Good.” — EXCUSE ME MARISA???? She really hates the little thing doesn’t she, damn

“It’s not made of rock… it’s made of people’s things” - oh damn

Oh my gosh the dead 😭

“They don’t like it if we talk to each other.” “Who don’t?” - OH SHIT THE HARPIES

The little dead children talking about their dæmons 😭 “Mine was called Sandling. He used to think he’d be a bird, but I hoped he wouldn’t because I liked him all furry.” “My Kasta used to curl up in my hand and go to sleep.” “Mine was called Matapan” 😭😭

Not MacPhail going to touch the monkey but being interrupted by Father Gomez schooling him on how it’s forbidden 💀

HE JUST SLAPPED GOMEZ OMG

Nooo not her losing Will

NOT HER THINKING SHE SEES PAN NOOO ITS NOT REAL

“You left me on the jetty to die (…) I’ve always known deep down how selfish you are. You really believe you’re here for Roger - you already killed him. You came here for you, to assuage your guilt, to play the hero” - 😭😭😭😭 I know it’s not really Pan but still my heART

ROGER 😭💔

“I missed you. I’m so sorry, about everything. I should have let you go with the Gyptians and the kids… I shouldn’t have taken you to Asriel. If I’d have let you go, you wouldn’t be here, would you? You’d be…” “It wasn’t your fault. I wanted to go with you.” — 😭 my heart is a literal mess I’m blubbering

“Stop it! You think I want to go back to the real world? Like this?” - oh Roger…

Will not being able to cut a window out and it sounding like the knife is being grated over rock 😳

NOT THE HARPIES THIS IS NIGHTMARE FUEL IM-

“What kind of son abandons his own mother?” - SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP-

“You have destroyed the lives of everyone you’ve ever cared for… you’ve come here for you, to feel special… if only Will had never met you” - I would very much like to go back to Jordan College and rooftop adventures now thanks-

“I thought about us, and everything we’ve been through… I didn’t let them get into my head” 😭❤️💔

Not Fra Pavel deducing that Mary is the serpent and she’s in another world, and now Gomez is going to go after her 💀

Oh damn, the imagery of the snake and Eve painting(?) in the background as Gomez prepares himself

I SAW A GLIMPSE OF AMBER IS IT- IS IT TIME FOR THE SPYGLASS

MARY IS MAKING THE SPYGLASS THIS IS MY CHILDHOOD COMING TOGETHER

Oh. My. God. The view through the lens of Dust… ‘Sraf’ is Dust… oh my god. This is beautiful. The colours are beautiful.

“The trees are dying.” “And so are we.” 😭

“What do you remember about Jordan? You remember it, don’t you?” “… Jordan’s gone.” - stop that right nOW

Not the flashback to the very first episode of them in the cellar drinking Tokay 😭

The light appearing as they remember Jordan College together, talking about the roof and the rook with the broken leg 😭❤️ and all the dead people coming to listen, I’m gonna start bawling all over again

Lyra and Will speaking to the crowd and promising to try to get them out of this horrible world, rallying them 😭

“What will happen to us if we leave?” “I don’t know.” “You don’t know? If I will or won’t be able to see my son again?” “We can’t know until it happens - I’m not gonna lie or pretend. But in here, it’s just thoughts; out there, real things matter.”

“When we were alive, they told us that when we died, we’d go to Heaven. That’s why so many of us gave our lives, and spent years in prayer and silence, and all the joy of life went to waste around us. I don’t care what happens to us when we leave - anything is better than this.” - damn, this series really said fuck religion and fuck the church making people spend their lives in servitude/repenting for sins they haven’t even done

Damn, the harpies are NOT happy

“Will you tell us some stories? So we can remember too? Real things.” Ohh no, no, I will not cry over this, I will not cry over Lyra and Roger talking about Jordan College-

“I won every time.” “No she didn’t, she cheated every time” - yep, sounds like Lyra to me

Lyra recounting how she made the omelette with the shells in for Will 🤣

Lyra talking about Iorek 😭❤️

I have absolutely no love for that blasted monkey but seeing him all sad in the cage as they’re about to be severed… definitely made me feel sad, can’t believe I feel sorry for him

It looks like Marisa’s been strapped to an electric chair, like she’s about to be executed, and the imagery of that is 👌🏻

“When we created this technology together, you believed you were doing the right thing - we all did. But we were wrong. It has to stop.” - Damn, you don’t say! Of course it was wrong to sever children, glad you see that finally-

“Do not explain my own technology to me.” - OOF

“You still have time to repent - let me give you your final blessing” - MAN DO NOT FUCKIN TOUCH HER YOU FREAK

“Keep your hands off me… there’s too much blood on them for that.” - DAMN, MARISA

Everyone listening to Lyra’s stories 😭❤️

“… But you felt safe with Mr Scoresby. He was the first grown up I ever trusted.” - STOP THAT RIGHT NOW IM ALREADY CRYING I DONT NEED TO CRY AGAIN

“I will come with you. We… We will come with you.” - YESSSS

HOLY FUCK THE HARPY DESIGN IS SICKENINGLY HORRIFYING DEAR GOD AND THE WAY IT WENT RIGHT UP TO LYRA’S FACE

“What’s your name? You must have one.” “… No-Name.” - Oh gosh I think I remember more of the book now hang on

LEE SCORESBY AHHHHHHHH

LEE AND LYRA HUGGING 😭❤️ MY HEART I CANNOT BEAR THIS

LYRA DIDNT KNOW LEE DIED 😭 and he thought she was dead but he was so relieved she wasn’t 😭

“You found the Knife Bearer - you beat the shaman to it. Lyra Silvertongue, just when I thought you couldn’t blow my little mind enough times” - 😭❤️ I missed Lee so much ASDFGHJKL

IS THAT METATRON??? ENOCH??? OH MY GODDDDD

“If she had only stayed with us, and given her life to the Authority as she once intended, she would now be on the path to the kingdom” - oh my god MacPhail shut the fuck UP

Come on rOKE HURRY UP AND SAVE HER

NOT THE INTERCISION MACHINE V2 AND THE MONKEY LOOKING SCARED

Dr Cooper having second thoughts omg

SHE STOPPED IT LAST MINUTE OH GOD THE GASP I LET OUT

“… I will not be a part of this (…) I will not hurt her.” - YES DOCTOR DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR ONCE IN YOUR MISERABLE LIFE

FATHER MACPHAIL STRAIGHT UP MURDERED DR COOPER HOLY SHIT-

The Church REALLY are not coming across well here

NO NOT ROKE LEAVE HIM ALONE

KILL HIM MARISA KILL THAT BASTARD RELIGIOUS MAN

OKAY BUT YES ALSO TURN OFF THE MACHINE PLEASE DESTROY IT IF YOU CAN I CANT BREATHE THIS IS TOO TENSE

FATHER MACPHAIL COMMITTING SUICIDE AND SACRIFICING HIMSELF HES FUCKING INSANE IM SORRY THE HATRED HE HAS FOR LYRA IS THAT STRONG???

Thank FUCK she stopped the machine last minute although I kinda wish MacPhail had died lmao

THE LIGHT HOLY CRAP-

“You think Dust can make you Gods… let use see how you fare without it.” - OH SHIT OH SHIT

THE MACHINE SEVERED MACPHAIL AND HIS DAEMON AND SHE DISAPPEARED

NOOOOO NOT THE BOMB NOT THE BOMB TELL ME THAT AINT THE BOMB-

I know she’s not dead, I’ve read the book, plus there’s still 3 episodes left, I’m still freaking out though

Episode 6: The Abyss

Three more episodes and then it’s all over 😭 I don’t know if I’m ready for it to be honest

“In the beginning, Man was given the gift of Dust. It ignited his mind and freed his will. But that free will has corrupted mankind. Dust shall be drawn into eternal darkness once more… That which was given shall be taken away.” - oh my gOD what a narration to start an episode Jesus Christ (pardon the pun)

Marisa dragging herself across the floor to get to Lyra’s hair???

Please tell me Roke isn’t dead 😭 (spoiler: he is)

Marisa going to Fra Pavel with the hair and asking him to consult the Alethiometer on whether or not Lyra survived 😭

I still get chills at the opening theme, ngl, like we’re three whole series in and I’m STILL feeling chills seeing the opening credits

Eyyyy Serafina Pekkala!!!

The earth is literally crumbling apart and Asriel’s laughing 🫢

MARISA AND THE MONKEY ARE BACK AT ASRIEL’S

Stelmaria just being like “… It’s her”, as if there’s only one “her”

“She’s dead, Asriel. Lyra is dead.” - NOOOOOO OH NO NO NO

Nahh Asriel is so unbothered about Lyra being dead???

“Would you like me to tell you how your daughter died, or would you prefer to keep tinkering with your toys?” “If what you’re saying is true, I’m very sorry. But what I’m doing here is of the utmost importance - it’s going to change everything.” - DUDE YOUR DAUGHTER IS DEAD (or so it’s thought at the moment) HOW ARE YOU SO UNBOTHERED

Like we knew he was a shit father but YIKES

Marisa straight up telling Asriel it’s his fault their daughter is dead because he pissed off Metatron with his war crime, she disabled the bomb but the light triggered it… DAMN. Just… damn.

“You’ve taken my daughter from me… and I will never forgive you.” - ☹️😔

Roger trying to wake Lyra up 😭 thankfully she does wake but still-

Stelmaria telling Asriel he shouldn’t go down there, it’s reckless… Mate, listen to your fucking dæmon once in a while please, she got all the sense the two of you possess and you’ve got none I fear-

WHAT’S HAPPENING TO RUTA’S DÆMON HE DROPPED LIKE A STONE INTO THE ABYSS (the one where Asriel is)

“He can’t hear me…” “Stay with him” “I can’t stop him, the darkness is drawing him in…” - NO NO NO NO

Noooo SERGEI (her dæmon) DIED AND SO DID RUTA FUCK SAKE MAN

Lyra and Lee hugging again because they’re so happy to see each other okay 😭❤️ truly a better father to her than her own one ever was

Is there an abyss in each of the worlds? 🤔 because there’s one in the land of the dead too as well as where Asriel is

Will panicking because he’s scared he won’t be able to get these people out, and Lyra taking his face in her hands, “Look at me, look at me, look at me… it’s fine. We’re going to get out of here. It’s just… this chasm. I can feel it too. Look at me.” 😭

Lee whooping when Lyra jumped that chasm, we love a proud father!

Roger and Will disagreeing over who should go next and Lee just doing it instead 😂

“I am Serafina Pekkala, Queen of the Lake Enara clan, and I demand to know what happened to my sister” - YES WITCH QUEEN 👑

“It pains me to tell you both that what happened to Ruta was not death, but worse again. That abyss out there is a rupture in the multiverse, sucking all Dust deep down inside the void between the worlds. I bore witness to her dæmon Sergei falling inside… and it is my belief, that no being, flesh or Dust, will ever emerge from its darkness.” “… so there will be no peace for her? Part of her soul, forever falling… forever in limbo…” — NOPE, NO, NOOO 😭💔 poor Ruta I hate it here

(Turning to Asriel) “… You did this.” “No.” “Your arrogance, PLAYING WITH FORCES YOU HAVE NO CONCEPT OF!” - SHIT SHES RIGHT THOUGH

Sorry, what the FUCK are those things beneath them with the glowing eyes???

“We’ve seen worse. Do you remember when we freed the kids from Bolvanger? And then the three of us and Iorek squashed into Lee’s balloon and just flew away?” - lmao bless

“Iorek’s this armoured bear-.” “I know who he is, I’ve met him.” - damn, there’s some tension here between Roger and Will? Or is it just me?

“Can’t imagine him (Iorek) in a balloon though” - LMFAO

“It wasn’t just any balloon… it was a real beauty” - DAMN RIGHT IT WAS LEE

Is Will a little jealous of Lyra and Roger walking together and reminiscing or…???

“Hey, did I ever tell you about the crazy shaman who made me a bacon sandwich?” - OH MY GOD LEE 😂 (also it’s been a while since S2, but I think he’s talking about John Parry???)

Marisa really thinks she’s allowed to just leave 💀

Marisa telling Ogunwe that Lyra is dead, and him saying “Asriel didn’t tell me”, it hits hard because he has daughters of his own and I just know he’s probably confused because surely Asriel would have mentioned his own child dying but nOPE

Marisa yelling at the monkey to come and he just… doesn’t? He just walks away? Their dynamic is so interesting but in a messed up way

Will is looking for his father and he wants to be sure that his father will find his way out 😭

Lee realising that Will is the shaman’s son oh my GOD?!? And he thinks he has a way to summon him??? Oh I love Lee so much

“Are you sure about this?” - Stelmaria asking the only real questions

IOREK!!! 🐻‍❄️

IOREK STRAIGHT UP SMACKING ASRIEL DOWN WHEN HE APPROACHED LMFAO I LOVE HIM

Wait this is SVALBARD??? All the ice and snow has disappeared?!? And it’s all Asriel’s fault?!?

“My bears starve because you blew a hole in the sky!” - oh shit!

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t KILL YOU!” “LYRA SILVERTONGUE!” “Why do you speak to me of her?” “You renamed her. You loved her. Tell me of her.” “She is everything you are not.” “Perhaps I should have known her better. But she is gone, and if you kill me now she will never be avenged.” — this whole exchange 😭 Iorek loves Lyra so much, Asriel saying he should have known her better (no shit, sir)…

“You do not understand. Lyra went to the Land of the Dead.” “The Land of the…?” “Yes. But she walked in the line.” “How did she enter that place?” “With the knife.” “The knife is broken.” “I fixed it. She went after her friend, Roger.” “… the kitchen boy.” “Another reason why I should kill you!” - IOREK GETS IT ASDFGHJKL HE’S A BETTER FATHER THAN ASRIEL EVER WAS FUCK ASRIEL WE ONLY LOVE IOREK AND LEE AS FATHER FIGURES NOW

Asriel laughing because “my daughter is staging a prison break” 💀

NOOO NOT LYRA FALLING INTO THE ENDLESS ABYSS

THE HARPY SAVING LYRA FROM FALLING INTO THE ABYSS HOLY SHIT

Marisa telling Serafina about torturing that witch in detail, Jesus CHRIST, she literally wants Serafina to kill her at this point :( but Serafina sees right through it of course

“If you won’t do it out of anger… then please just do it out of mercy.” - 😭 now why am I sympathising with Marisa

“Love… makes us fragile in ways we cannot fathom.” “I didn’t love Lyra. I wasn’t able to” - SURE you didn’t love her, Marisa 🙄

“Even my own dæmon rejects me” - yeah no can’t say I blame him honestly

Serafina talking about how she lost her son that she had with Farder Coram 😭 and how Lyra gave her hope

“When I first heard that prophecy, it terrified me. (…) Because I was always taught to believe that Eve was guilty of something shameful.” - yep, religion will do that to you!

“All Eve did was dare to experience - it’s an act of bravery. Of great beauty. You were a monster, but look what experience did to you… what love did. It changed you.” - oh my god the religion criticism is on point today holy crap

Will hugging Lyra and asking if she’s okay 😭❤️

Lyra wanting to give the harpy a name to thank it 😭

“Names can’t just be given!” “Mine was… by a friend.” - exactly, Lyra!

“Gracious-Wings.” — … Interesting name, Lyra but okay

“You can’t take it back now!” - I have NO intention to and neither does Lyra 😳

The harpies kinda do make me sad because like… they don’t have names. They’re frightening to look at. They live in the land of the dead. They’re trapped just as much as the ghosts are, and feared for how they look which probably contributes to their behaviour. So Lyra showing some kindness must be a brand new experience for them.

“You cannot tell the story of my name if you do not get out.” “… You like stories, don’t you? True ones.” - ohhhhhhhhh I get it! Awww, so Gracious-Wings wants Lyra to escape, not only because she’s been listening to her stories but also because Lyra can then tell the living about Gracious-Wings and the truth that she’s not so scary/completely evil, so maybe people when they die will be less afraid to meet her? Idk

“True stories are nourishing. They feed us, we had no idea there was anything but lies and wickedness.” “If those who follow behind tell you everything they saw in the world, everything true… could you guide them here so they could be set free?” - god I forgot how deep and clever this whole section was in the book

“Do not lie to me.” “I won’t.” - for once, I actually do believe she’s telling the truth

“Do we have a deal? The prisoners’ safe passage in exchange for their stories?” - YESSS OMG

“It’s alright, they’re going to help us! Just tell them your stories - stories from your lives, and they’ll guide you up. Tell them stories.” - nahhh I’m not crying you are 😭

Asriel telling Marisa Lyra is still alive but she doesn’t believe him at first 😭

“It makes sense: the Authority cows us with the threat of heaven or hell but even that was a lie, it’s all purgatory.”

“Please… my heart won’t take it.” - this woman has gone through so much, she’s not a good person but damn she’s gone through a lot

“You said yourself, she’s extraordinary… to free a soul from the Land of the Dead” - well you’ve changed your fucking tune

“The witches prophecy… they believe two things about Lyra: that she is Eve, and she will defeat Death. (Smiling/Laughing) That’s what she’s doing. The prophecy is right. We must help her, Asriel.” - ASRIEL AND MARISA ACTUALLY WORKING TOGETHER FOR REAL THIS TIME?!? Like actual parents?!? Who’d have thought 😭

“There’s someone here to see you.” - LEE BROUGHT JOHN PARRY TO WILL IM CRYING ALL OVER AGAIN ARE YOU SERIOUS

“I hate fighting. I’m not who you want me to be.” “No… no, you’re so much more.” - AND THEN THE HUG 🥹😭

“All this time, I thought that when we eventually found each other… we could go back to Oxford together.” “I did too.” - 😭😭😭 they deserve so much better, I can’t-

“If we get out of this awful place…” “We won’t be going the same way.” 😭

I’m sorry, okay, this whole episode is just one big CRYFEST AT THIS POINT

Lyra saying she thought Roger was braver than her 😭

“I don’t even know if I can do anything. I’m just so tired, and my chest…” “Because you’re away from your dæmon. Separation across worlds weakens your bond, Will. She’s pining for you.” “How do you know?” “I guided her to Asriel’s republic. As soon as you release these ghosts, you must cut through and find her, Will.” - KIRJAVA IS COMING WE’RE GOING TO MEET KIRJAVA ASDFGHJKL

“Don’t try to live in a world that’s not your own. No matter how tempting it may seem. You and your dæmon… you won’t survive it.” “But you did.” “No. I felt it, like an ache, every day. Don’t make the same mistake that I did. You deserve a full life with your mother.” 😭❤️ but also foreshadowing what will happen at the end of the series I feel unwell-

“What will happen to you?” “The same that will happen to every soul trapped down here: I’ll be free. I’ll be connected again to every living thing, thanks to you.” - Damn, right in the feels 😭

John telling Will he’s so proud of him and them hugging 😭❤️💔

Serafina saying she’s gonna send Kaisa to search for Pan because she knows that Pan can’t enter the Land of the Dead and so he’ll still be there, I’m so ready!!

“If it is true, and Lyra is going to free the dead, she and Will will have achieved something remarkable… far beyond your rebellion. Lyra is your focus now. Do not fail her.” — YESSSSSSS come on Asriel and Marisa, be good parents for once

WILL DID IT HE CUT A WINDOW OUT OF THE LAND OF THE DEAD AHHHH, and it’s opened out onto a beautiful paradise ❤️

“My dad said you’ll be free. You’ll drift apart, but you’ll be out in the open - connected with everything to love.” - 😭❤️

ROGER SAYING HE’LL GO FIRST ASDFGHJKL AND LYRA SAYING SHE’LL MISS HIM SO MUCH

“You’ll be okay. I know you will. You’ve saved your best friend. When you go back to Jordan, go to the roof for me.” - AND THE FOREHEAD TOUCH 😭❤️

“I’m ready” 😭😭😭 GOODBYE ROGER

AND THEN LEE SCORESBY HUGGING HER, “No need for that, it’s okay” because she’s crying, “thank you”, tipping his hat to Will

“I’m gonna be with my Hester” - SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW 😭❤️

I’m literally just full on sobbing at this point like my heart can’t take anymore at this point and there’s still TWO episodes left 😭

Marisa asking her monkey if she can sit with him?!? They’re so disconnected despite being the same person, I can’t-

“It hurts when we’re apart. I pretend that it doesn’t. That first time I sent you away… it was awful. I don’t know why I do it. At first I think it was curiosity… But now it’s become something else. A way to not feel what I can’t bear. I used to think that I was the strong one… but I was wrong. It was you. All along. I am so very sorry. Please… come back to me.” - NOOO WHY AM I HAVING EMOTIONS OVER MARISA AND THE DAMN DEMON GOLDEN MONKEY?!? AND THEM HOLDING HANDS?!?

Asriel and Marisa standing with their dæmons together… damn. Shit must be serious if the two of them are together on something

“The final rebellion has begun.” - OH SHIT HERE WE GOOOO

Episode 7: The Clouded Mountain

Two episodes left… 😬

Before we get into the episode, quick prediction: I feel like this episode is going to largely focus more on Asriel/Marisa and maybe bring that story to a close, and then the last one will be more Lyra/Will centric? Idk, we’ll see!

“We just have to keep Metatron’s forces away from the girl and the boy long enough for them to be reunited with their dæmons, to get to a safe world and… fall.” - oooooohhh

“How can you possibly know the nature of Metatron’s attack?” - LMFAO arguing like a married couple I see-

Okay, I was wrong, we are seeing Lyra and Will in this episode!

Will planning to get their dæmons himself and Lyra can wait in the nice world and he’ll meet her there 💀

“We’ve come this far and you still don’t understand: we’re in this together.” - 👏🏻

Every scene with Marisa and Asriel just seems like they’re flirting lmao

“I’ve given the girl nothing but at the very least I can buy her time” - 😭

“You’d do that for her?” “Not just her.” - THE WAY HE MOVED EVEN CLOSER TO HER ASDFGHJKL THEY ABOUT TO KISS OR SOMETHING

“Even if you get him to the abyss, you do understand it’s not just death down there? It’s eternal oblivia.” - DAMN, he’s committed I’ll give him that

“Your love for Lyra is your salvation and your downfall. When you think of her, I can read you as easily as a reflection in still water.” 😮

“Right, so we are doomed.” - Basically, yeah.

“Some of us will die today” - NOT A GREAT WAY TO OPEN AN INSPIRATIONAL SPEECH, ASRIEL 💀

Asriel is really on a mission to kill God in this series, that’s it summed up

“But thanks to my daughter, thanks to Lyra, we need no longer fear that fate! From today death is no longer an ending but a journey back into life!” - okay I take it back, his speech is pretty good

“Our children shall experience paradise but they will know it down here on the earth… today, we are free!” - YESSSSS 🙌🏻

OH SHIT is that Metatron’s soldiers/forces?!?

“I’m glad I said we didn’t have to win this fight” - LMAO

THE ANGEL KNEW LYRA AND WILL WERE CUTTING THROUGH AHHHH AND NOW ASRIEL’S ATTACKING LET’S GOOOO

It’s the way Lyra knew Pan and Will’s dæmon will be looking after each other 😭

“Metatron is releasing the dæmon eaters - he is turning all creatures against us” - AH HELL FUCKING NO

Are they the same as Spectres?!?

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD NO THIS IS MORE NIGHTMARE FUEL

YES MARISA DOING HER PART AND TRYING TO GET RID OF THEM BECAUSE SHE HAS CONTROL OVER THEM

“I’ve found Pantalaimon” - Oh my god YES give Pan back to me please

To be fair I don’t blame Will and Lyra for not immediately blindly trusting Ogunwe at this point, barely anyone is trustworthy in this series at this point

RED PANDA PAN

“They left us.” “I know. But they’ve come back for you.” - 😭❤️

AHHH KIRJAVA AND SHES A BEAUTIFUL CAT WHEN WE FIRST SEE HER AHHHHH

They can both still change but still AHHHHH SOON

“All I know is Asriel’s proud of you” - yeah, he just has a shit way of showing it

These noises are straight out a horror movie oh my GOD THE FUCK ARE THOSE THINGS THOSE GHAST-Y THINGS

Not Metatron (?) whispering into all of their heads asdfghjkl

Metatron telling Marisa she should join him and her and the monkey having this moment, “you know what to do” 😭 and he looks like he’s gonna follow her because he puts his paw on the bridge but he doesn’t 😭 can’t believe I’m having emotions have that goddamn demon monkey

ASRIEL CALLING FOR STELMARIA AND THEN MARISA INSIDE METATRON’S PALACE(?)/FORTRESS 😭

Can I just say that the visuals are STUNNING, oh my goodness I’m literally in awe of this imagery and the visuals it’s far better than 10 year old me imagined

Marisa saying that she loves Lyra and hates that she does 😭

Metatron taking on Asriel’s form so now we’ve got James McAvoy vs James McAvoy, truly Multiverse of Madness 💀

“No one cares for you.” “Marisa does.” - the way my jaw dropped, oh my

Not Asriel calling for Marisa 😭 no I will NOT ship them, I refuse-

“You care for her still? If only you knew the disdain in which she holds you. She’s giving you up.” “No… never… I love her.” - oh my god?!?!?

“She would never betray me…” “I can give you Asriel. He’s trying to protect her.” - NOOO DO NOT DO IT

HE KNEW SHE WAS CLOSE BY HE KNEW IT IM-

“Marisa, no…” - GIRL DO NOT DO IT I SWEAR

“Your dæmons are in the tower - cut them through to a safe world. I’ll find you wherever you are.” - I’m starting to remember how the book ends and my heart is hurting, it’s coming so soon…

“So… you did come.” - YES SHE DID PAN 😭 please forgive her

WILL SEEING KIRJAVA FOR THE FIRST TIME 😭❤️ and her going “… Will.” 🥹

“How could you bear it? Leaving me behind?” 😭

“We should be together. Please.” But the damage is done… if you’ve read TSC, you know 😭

What is that monkey doing? Is he helping them escape? HE PULLED THE LEVER ASDFGHJKL

“For Lyra.” 😭❤️

MARISA HELPING ASRIEL UP, ASRIEL AND MARISA GRAPPLING WITH METATRON TOGETHER, and then STELMARIA RUNNING AND JUMPING AND THEM ALL TUMBLING INTO THE ABYSS 😭😭😭💔💔💔 IT HAPPENED IT HAPPENED IVE BEEN WAITING YEARS-

The monkey and Lyra looking at each other 😭 and she knows, she knows her mother has helped them-

NOT STELMARIA FADING TO DUST 😭

LYRA AND THE MONKEY REACHING OUT FOR EACH OTHER AND HE STARTS FADING AWAY NO NO NO

NOT ME GETTING UPSET AND CRYING OVER THAT DAMN BASTARD GOBLIN POS MONKEY 😭😭😭

Lyra having to wipe her eyes 😭 same, me too-

I knew this episode would end the Asriel/Marisa/Metatron storyline, I just knew it

“Cloud’s gone. It’s all gone. The war’s over.” 🥺😭

I know we’ve still got an episode left but I’m already weeping because I’ve waited 15 years for this adaptation to come, to see this whole trilogy adapted right, and now it’s happened

Ogunwe seeing his daughters 🥹

“Can we go now? I wanna see Pan.” - YES 😭👏🏻

DAMN ONE EPISODE LEFT

Episode 8: The Botanic Garden

Just from the title alone I know this is going to cause me pain but let’s DO IT

Damn, they didn’t even do a recap on this episode (or at least my iPlayer didn’t?)

LAST TIME LETS GO WE DIE LIKE (WO)MEN

Lyra waking up and the first thing she asks for is Pan 🥺

Also Lyra going for a swim because she’s all dirty, don’t blame her quite frankly

“After everything we’ve been through and now we’re here… doesn’t seem real” - same

Lyra knows her mother is dead :(

“I should be relieved… there’s so many things I don’t understand about my parents (…) like why they weren’t honest with me. Why they did such horrible things. Why wasn’t she interested in me for 13 years and then suddenly she was… why did they abandon me?” 😭😭😭

Lyra saying she doesn’t hate Asriel but can’t forgive him, and “I have the strangest feeling he’s gone… which means I’m alone” 😭 and Will saying no she’s not ❤️

Will splashing her and then jumping in 😂

“What?” “Nothing… I’m just glad you washed” LMFAO

“She doesn’t look like she misses me. She seems fine.” - oh Pan :(

“Think how good it will be to be with them again. To be close.” - Kirjava ❤️

“What if it doesn’t feel the same? What if it never does?” “Lyra loves you. We’re finally in the same world, we’re safe here.” - 1) I’m sad because of TSC all over again and 2) I’m sad because I know how this ends

NOT FATHER GOMEZ I FORGOT ABOUT HIM ASDFGHJKL

No but where did the clean clothes come from???

“But there’s someone else we need to meet.” - IS IT MARY??

“I don’t feel torn apart, and I know he’s safe.” - 😭🥹

AHHH LYRA AND WILL SEEING THE MULEFA HERD AND BEING LIKE “they’re riding on wheels!”

I like that Will’s reaction to this new creature speaking a different language is just “… Hello :D”, I love him

MARY AND LYRA REUNION 😭❤️

Mary going “oh god look at you” because Lyra is so grown up 😭

Oh my gOD FATHER GOMEZ FUCK OFF ALREADY

I wanna squash his dæmon, I don’t care, I wanna squish it and murder it

Not him shooting and killing the local wildlife, fuck you dude

“They have less Sraf than you” - ahhh because they’re still teenagers and Mary is an adult, and Dust is what causes dæmons to settle/kids to become adults, I get it

“No pods, poor things” - XD

“I’ve been all over the place but I think this is my favourite world” - same, Lyra, same, it’s so peaceful

“How do you treat a tree with respect?” - quite easily I think, Will???

“We have the stupid idea as humans that we’re the pinnacle of evolution, but we’ve got so much wrong” — 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

“It’s the answer to the question to the question you asked me in Oxford - whether Dust is sin (…) it’s the spark that means we’re alive, it’s consciousness.” “So Dust isn’t sin… it’s just as good or bad as we are.” 👏🏻🥹

The trees dying is truly heartbreaking omg 😭💔

“It’s the Dust disappearing. It’s just flooding out of the world: thought, imagination, feeling all blowing away” 😭💔

There’s got to be a way of saving it, surely…? Like this world can’t just disappear??

“… So when Pan’s a wolverine, you know you’ve pissed her off” OMFG 💀🤣

“Like a nun-nun from our world?” Will omg 😅

“Mary, tell them stories” - YES PLEASE DO

Mary’s story oh my god

“And then I met someone… she wasn’t like the other academics” - LESBIAN MARY MALONE I REPEAT LESBIAN MARY MALONE

“Years ago when I was at school, those butterflies in the pit of my stomach, that ache to be close to someone… I think I had just been too afraid to recognise it before, but I didn’t want to forget it this time.” - AND THE SHOTS OF WILL AND LYRA AHHHHH

“I knew I couldn’t go back to the convent after that, I just couldn’t bear the idea of living without ever feeling that alive. And I thought… will anyone be better off if I just go back to the hotel and say my prayers, and promise to never fall into temptation again? And the answer came back… no. No one will. And I realised, there was no one there to reward me for being a good girl or no one there to punish me for being wicked. There was no one. And it was… it was liberating.” — the fact that Mary is Irish adds a whole other layer to it because of the whole “Irish Catholic guilt” thing, but also just in general… wow. Just wow.

“I wanted to experience love. (L: And did you?)… yeah. (W: Were you scared?) Oh my god, I was terrified. I was risking everything and I was sure I’d be rejected, but… it was worth it. It’s rare when it happens, when you feel that way you have to grab it. It’s funny, isn’t it? One little moment… all she did was offer me a sweet and it changed my life forever. For the first time I was doing something with all of my nature, not just a part of it.” — I CANNOT TAKE IT, THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL

I can’t get over the looks between Lyra and Will, I knew it was happening obviously because of the books but stILL to actually see it onscreen???

“Where are you, Pan? There’s so many things I want to talk to you about.” 😭

Dear GOD DUDE FATHER GOMEZ GO AWAY IM SO DONE WITH YOU

Oh Mary totally knows something is going on between them even if they don’t yet

“What if she settles as something really bad, like… a mosquito or a slug or a fish?” “I heard of a man whose dæmon was a dolphin, but he’s a sailor so it’s fine” - I REMEMBER THAT STORY ABOUT THAT MAN FJDKDKDKD

Nooo not Gomez seeing them together I wanna punch him so bad-

“I don’t think anyone can understand… apart from you.” - oh my god Will 😭

“I think she’s… right… about a lot of things” - oh Will is NOT subtle in the slightest is he-

Lyra stepping closer, “yeah? What things?” ASDFGHJKL

“Dust… trees!” - smooth, Will, real fuckin smooth 🤣

Gomez was about to shoot Lyra while she was frolicking in the water but an Angel stopped him oh my god

ITS BALTHAMOS

“Desire is not sin. Love takes a million forms, each of them beautiful, each of them worthy. You who judge, just afraid.” 👏🏻

BALTHAMOS SQUASHED GOMEZ’S DÆMON, KILLED GOMEZ, AND THEN HE DIED TOO AND HIS LAST WORD WAS “BARUCH” 😭❤️

There’s something very innocent about these two teenagers clearly falling in love and sitting by the water in their underclothes and not realising why that would be seen as wrong because it’s so innocent and sweet and new 😭

WILL AND LYRA KISS I REPEAT WILL AND LYRA KISS I SCREAMED SO LOUD OH MY GOD

AND THE DUST SETTLING OVER THEM AND THE DUST RETURNING TO THE WORLD ASDFGHJKL THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

“The prophecy has been fulfilled. The love of Eve shall heal the earth and all the world shall feel it. Nature will be restored, hope will spark in darkness as innocence turns to experience, all will be in harmony once more.” - OH MY GOD AND THE SHOTS OF THE DIFFERENT WORLDS AND PLACES ASDFGHJKL

Those shy little smiles after they finished kissing omg

“Do you think Pan knows? I think he guessed” - he probably did let’s be real here lmfao

“I want to show you Jordan… proper Oxford. We can go to yours too… go to the cinema again.” - oh these kids are so hopeful 😭🥺

Pan and Kirjava!!!

“One who has given the world such a gift deserves a name… Kirjava.” — AHHHHH

Pan: Kirjava… suits you — 😭👏🏻❤️

“Why aren’t you with Will and Lyra? Are you still punishing them for their betrayal? But you love them still, don’t you? And you are not severed.” “No… we’re still one. But it was so painful.” - 🥺🥺🥺

“They will need you for what is to come” - OH BOY HERE WE GO

Pan and Kirjava coming back to their humans 😭❤️

“Pan…” “You left me. I’ve had to travel so far to find you again.” “I’m so sorry. I’m so grateful. I didn’t want to. I’m sorry. Please, I’m sorry. I missed you. I love you.” “Lyra…” AND THEN HE RUNS AND HUGS HER 😭

“I hoped you’d settle as a pine marten… suits you.” “I like it too.” 😭❤️

ALSO PAN SETTLED?!?!

“I’m… Kirjava.” WILL MEETING KIRJAVA PROPERLY

WILL AND LYRA TOUCHING EACH OTHER’S DÆMONS, THE MOST INTIMATE OF ACTS WHEN DONE CONSENSUALLY, I CANNOT COPE WITH THIS-

“Thanks to you, the multiverse is healing.” “I barely did anything.” “You showed two innocents what it was to dare, and by discovering their love, they have drawn Dust back into our worlds.” “Is that really all it took? Something so small and ordinary?” “Love is never small to those who discover it for the first time.” — brb, crying yet AGAIN over this series

“For centuries, Dust has been flowing out of the universe… what Lyra and Will have done has turned that tide. But their love alone is not enough to sustain it forever.” - oh no, no no no, it’s about to happen

“Every window that exists must be closed” - 😭😭😭 I know what’s coming and I hate it

“Each time the knife makes a cut, the flow of Dust increases and from the tear in the space between worlds some darkness is released, bring destruction across all of the worlds. It can take the form of many things: a plague, a spectre…” - 😭

But also does this mean that Covid was a result of the subtle knife??? 💀😳👀

“But if Will can’t use the knife, and if we can’t leave the windows open, then how will we…? We have to choose worlds, Will’s or mine?” “You can’t live in someone else’s world for long. Our dæmons wouldn’t survive. It means we can’t stay in the same world together.” - THERE IT IS 😭💔

“No! You can’t come here and just say that! After everything we’ve been through, it’s not fair! … it’s not fair…” 😭😭😭 they’ve literally just fallen in love and they have to separate already

Them walking away holding hands 😭

Oh nooo she’s already lost the ability to read the Alethiometer 😭😭😭

“It’s not broken, Lyra… you’ve changed. You’ve grown up.” “So… that’s it? I will never be able to read it again?” “The knowledge still exists but you’ll have to learn it, like those before you. You read it by Grace, and you can regain it by work.” “What’s the point? Why did we get here? Why did we go through everything we went through just to be forced apart?” — 😭

“I didn’t know it was possible to feel this bad.” “It won’t always feel like this.” “I don’t want to not feel like this about Lyra… I only want her.” - NOT WILL AND MARY’S COVERSATION IM TRYING TO HOLD IT TOGETHER SO BAD

“You know all those stories that say the greatest love is the one you can’t live without? The one that you’re prepared to die for? That’s not right. That’s not what love is. I know it seems romantic to die for love but it’s much more romantic to live for it.” — 😭💔

“You will never lose what you have with Will, you have shaped each other forever. And I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but you will have a future, Lyra” - and Lyra is just sitting there crying 😢 I hate it here-

“If humanity set their minds to discovery and their hearts to compassion, they may create enough Dust for a single opening to remain. But you already know where that window must be.” “The Land of the Dead.” “We can’t close that window, it’s the most important one.” — 😭💔

Will has to break the knife once they’re back in their own worlds 😭😭😭 and the angels will help close the windows

“There are fates even the most powerful have to submit to.” - 💔

“I love you. I’m not gonna stop loving you until the day I die.” “I love you.” - KILL ME. It would hurt FAR LESS

“We will come back here, when we’ve lived our lives, we’ll go through the Land of the Dead and we’ll tell Gracious-Wings everything we’ve done. We’ll find each other here. I’ll be drifting about until I find you.” “And I’ll be searching for you every moment. Every single moment.” “When we do find each other again… no one will be able to tear us apart. We’ll be joined so tightly… Every atom of me and every atom of you. When they use our atoms to make new lives, they’ll have to take two; one for you and one for me. We’ll be in the flowers and in the sunbeams… we’ll be joined so tight.” — okay no I’m full on sobbing and crying and shaking, I can’t cope with this, I can’t do anything but cry now

Lyra and Will embracing and holding each other, just clinging to each other on the floor as they cry 😭💔

“Don’t forget us, Mary. Keep telling stories.” - 😭💔 this whole episode is just a massive HEARTBREAK I CANNOT-

We’re back to Lyra’s Oxford 😭

NOT THE BENCH, NOT THE FUCKING BENCH NO I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THE BENCH FUCK YOU PHILIP PULLMAN

“You know you could see your dæmon too, if you wanted” - oh my god yes?!?! I KNEW she met her dæmon at some point, I knew I didn’t imagine it!

“There you are.” - AHHH HER DÆMON IS A BIRD

“We can come back here every year. You in your world and me in mine. Midsummer’s Day. Midday.” “And I’ll be there. I’ll be there every year, my whole life.” “And if we do meet someone we like, we must be kind to them - we won’t compare them. We’ll come here, just for an hour… we can be together.” “Every year. I promise.” - ASDFGHJKL THIS HURTS MY HEART IT HURTS

“Just do it!” 😭😭😭 she wants him to just do it because she knows it’s going to happen and hanging around prolonging it is just so much more painful

Lyra and Mary hugging goodbye 😭 “I’ll never forget you” - STOP

“I’ll break the knife as soon as I’m through because I’ll know I’ll just want to come back to you.” - THIS POST IS JUST ME SOBBING NOW EXCUSE ME-

“What is it?” “I’m just trying to imagine what you’ll look like when you’re older.” “Handsome of course.” “Very.” - EXCUSE ME

Will stepping through the window and going to close it, stopping and them then kissing 😭 “Lyra.” “Will.” AND THEN THEY KISS AND HE CLOSES THE WINDOW FUUUUUCK-

Lyra: *crying* // Me: BITCH ME TOO

“Just think of her” (to break the knife) - and it’s a series of flashbacks of her and him throughout the whole series I feel SICK-

The snow falling on Svalbard and Iorek 😭

Lyra’s back at Jordan College 😭❤️ but so much has changed

Will going back to his mum 😭💔 and then them hugging as Kirjava watches with a little smile I’m-

ONE YEAR LATER?!?! ONE YEAR LATER I’M-

She’s dressed like a student I’m-

ARE THEY GOING TO THE GARDEN?!?

“We can come back here every year. You in your world, me in mine. We can be together. I’ll be there every year. My whole life. I promise.”

THE FADES AS THEY GET OLDER AND WITH EACH YEAR, THE SPLIT SCREEN OF THEM AT OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE BENCH, THEM REACHING OUT TO HOLD EACH OTHER’S HANDS, WILL’S MISSING FINGERS

“Lyra.” Being the last line of this show, oh my GOD.

THE ENDING TITLE CARDS

“Will and Lyra continued to return to their bench at the same time, every year. They kept their promise to each other, going on to live full lives in their own worlds. Will became a medical student and later, a successful surgeon. Lyra went on to be educated at St Sophia’s College in Oxford, where she was taught how to once again read the Alethiometer… Which would come in useful one day, when Lyra and Pan would go on to have a further great adventure. But that’s another story…”

THE BOOK OF DUST/THE SECRET COMMONWEALTH ADAPTATION CONFIRMED?!? IS THAT WHATS GOING ON?!?

Okay… wow… okay.

I’ll admit that in S1, I had issues with the show as a longtime fan of the books; perhaps I was too busy comparing it to the movie or whatever else, but also I had complaints about the lack of dæmons on-screen and how that really hurt the first series as a result (eg. The Billy Costa scene). Thankfully in S2 and S3, that issue was resolved and not a problem in the slightest, which I’m so glad for. I feel like for me personally, Subtle Knife (S2) and Amber Spyglass (S3) had the benefit of not having been adapted for the screen before (unlike Northern Lights/S1), so it was able to stand up as it’s own adaptation easier and not necessarily have the movie looming over it (if that makes sense). Because while I agree the movie was not great and didn’t do justice to the books, it was still an expensive blockbuster with hype and big names attached.

Right now I really want to reread TAS - I reread TSK when S2 was airing so it feels right to reread TAS now, but I’m reading Outlander still so I’ll have to put it off a few days 😭 - and also I want to take the trip to the Botanical Garden in Oxford where Lyra and Will meet every year. I don’t know if other fans do that but it’s something I’ve wanted to do a while, and now I want to do it more than ever. I’ll have to remind myself closer to the Midsummer’s Day to do it!

Honestly, I’m so emotional over this whole series. Was it a perfect adaptation? No, no adaptation is 100% accurate or perfect, things get changed or cut for whatever reason. But it was beautifully done, and I’m so unbelievably happy that it was finally done justice. I truly don’t think I could have asked for a better adaptation of a series that has meant so much to me for fifteen whole years. I’m so grateful that I live in a time where this series has been given the love and attention it deserves, and I can only hope that people viewing the show first have gone on to read Philip Pullman’s books, that it’s inspired them to read those too.

The cast have been spectacular throughout, especially the main cast members: Dafne Keen, Ruth Wilson, James McAvoy, Amir Wilson… gosh, all of them. And then of course the voice cast have been amazing too, especially Kit Connor as Pantalaimon since that’s literally the main voice role throughout this whole series. I’m just so blown away at this point, I can barely type it.

[dustedmagazine]

Jennifer Kelly’s 2023 in Review: Still Human FWIW

I finally saw Sun Ra Arkestra

I first heard about Chat GPT in January this year, and it sounded bad from the start. I make most of my living writing things for big faceless corporations who view me as a cost. Cut that cost to zero and I’m out of a job. But for the first five months of 2024, I continued to be busy and I thought, well maybe it’s nothing. Then in May, like a light switch, everything stopped. I had one regular client who continued to pay a monthly retainer. Nothing else. And the usual mailings, pleadings with old clients, etc. had no effect. I’m close to retirement age. This summer, I thought I had arrived early.

Things have picked up since then, and right now, I’m in a good place. People are starting to notice Chat GPT’s ignorance of anything post 2021, its refusal to factcheck or footnote and its relentless blandness. Clients are coming back, but the floor doesn’t feel very solid under my feet. It could all go away at any time. (This is the lesson we all learned from COVID-19…that you could fall into the pit any time.)

The one thing that didn’t stop was Dusted, and for that I am very grateful. As I’ll explain to anyone who asks, there’s never been any money in Dusted, so there can’t be any less. We are more or less immune to economic pressures. And as long as we’re here, there is lots and lots of good music to write about.

My year started with two records that blew me away in January (and maybe December 2022) and held #1 and #2 slots all year. They were Meg Baird’s Furling and Robert Forster’s the Candle and the Flame. Next, came an email from Rob from Sunburned with a link to Stella Kola’s extraordinary debut, and then gosh, Sub Pop still sends me promos and here’s one from Mudhoney! Every time 2024 succeeded in getting me down, I’d get music from someone.

Live music was another solace. Shows that made me happy this year included Warp Trio, Sunburned Hand of the Man, Dear Nora, Vieux Farka Toure, Bridget St. John with Stella Kola, Sun Ra Arkestra, Kid Millions with Sarah Bernstein, Faun Fables, Sweeping Promises, Daniel Higgs, Constant Smiles, Baba Commandant (RIP), Xylouris White, Joseph Allred with Ruth Garbus and Ryan Davis with his Roadhouse band. Special mention goes to the always astonishing Thing in the Spring with Editrix, Rough Francis, Thus Love, Gorilla Toss, Equipment Pointed Ankh. Susan Alcorn, Marisa Anderson and Jim White and Bill Callahan.

The best show of the year, however, came late in the summer with William Tyler and the Impossible Truth band, an unbelievably talented, seasoned crew with Luke Schneider on pedal steel, Third Man mainstay Jack Lawrence on bass and Brian Kotzgur on drums. The way they opened up and fired up Tyler’s songs was a revelation, even to someone, like me, who’s been a fan since Behold the Spirit. Garcia Peoples opened, and they were great, too.

I should mention that we have recently been blessed with a bunch of excellent music venues nearby—Nova Arts in Keene and Epsilon Spires and the Stone Church in Brattleboro. Going to music used to always mean driving back from at least Northampton, sometimes further, late at night, and, as I get older and my night vision fades, it has been really nice not to have to do that. (Also, to all my Dusted-reader-musician-friends, if you play one of these venues, thank you, and let me know when you’re coming.)

With that, it’s time to talk about 2023 favorites. I’ll write about the first ten and then just list the rest.

Meg Baird — Furling (Drag City)

Meg Baird’s gorgeous solo album alternates between ghostly, inward-looking piano songs and bright swirls of 1960s psychedelia. Her extraordinary voice, high, pure, and unearthly, joins lush, burnished guitar grooves. Sometimes I think I like the swaggering bounce of “Will You Follow Me Home,” the best, but other times, the disembodied otherness of “Ashes, Ashes” is the prettiest thing I know.

Robert Forster — The Candle and the Flame (Tapete) 

Forster’s solo records are always good, wry and funny and stuttering with strummy punk energy, but this one, recorded with family while his wife battled cancer, is his best yet. “She’s a Fighter,” a group sing-along is prickly and defiant, the only song specifically written about Karin’s illness, but threads of enduring, life-long love run all through this album. “Tender Years” is especially moving, as Forster sings, “I’m in a story with her, I know I can’t live without her, I can’t imagine why,” in a voice cracked with sincerity and feeling. Very few albums make me cry, but this one does.

Anohni and the Johnsons—My Back Was a Bridge for You to Cross (Secretly Canadian)

The sound on Anohni’s fifth album with the Johnsons smolders in the pocket, its textures a nod to Marvin Gaye’s classic What’s Going On? It’s velvety smooth but taut with urgency, as the artist contemplates climate disaster and personal struggles. “It Must Change,” trills with the coolest falsetto, while “Sliver of Ice” reverberates with a low, hushed passion. Every song lands a punch, soft when it happens but ringing for days in your ears.

The Drin — Today My Friend You Drunk the Venom (Feel It)

“Venom” lurches and blurts, bass thumping, drums clashing, monotone vocals drenched in menace. It’s a punk song distilled to essence, a world in itself, a short, brutal blast that is also somehow psychedelically expansive. The Fall, the Swell Maps and Adrian Sherwood haunt this disc in various places, but the Drin is its own mysterious thing.

Wreckless Eric — Leisureland (Tapete)

“Get yourself a one-way ticket for the merry-go-round,” sings the Bard of Hull on the last and most exhilarating song from his ninth full-length. That’s “Drag Time,” with its indelible hook, its enveloping harmonies, its hint of Amy Rigby in the chorus. Let’s just go way out on a limb here and say it’s as good, maybe better, than “Whole Wide World.”  

En Attendant Ana — Principia (Trouble in Mind)

Good lord, was Trouble in Mind on a roll this year or what? I could put Melanas or Tubs here, with FACS not far behind, but instead, let us contemplate the light-and-dark wonder of “Black Morning,” with its giddy counterpoints, its bright, sustaining trumpet, its boppy beat and its underpinning, somehow, of shadowy melancholy. Or the skanky bass that kicks off “Same Old Story,” in a prickly way, the lone element of dissonance that gives a daydream teeth.

Stella Kola—S-T (Self-Release)

Everybody who’s anybody in W. Mass alt.folk does a turn on this magical LP—centered around Beverly Ketch and Rob Thomas but including PG Six, Wednesday Knudson, Jeremy Pisani, Willy Lane and Jen Gelineau. Despite the expansiveness of the ensemble, these songs are feather light and lucid, like Pentangle sprinkled with magic dust.

Mudhoney — Plastic Eternity (Sub Pop)

Psychedelic overload meets raw punk and potty humor in this 12th album from the grunge godfathers. I like the sheer rush and swirl of cuts like “Almost Everything” and “Souvenir of my Trip” best, but bare, belligerent “Flush the Fascists” is grade-A too, and how can anyone resist Mark Arm paying tribute to his best bud on “Little Dogs.”

Beirut — Hadsel (Pompeii)

Hadsel is surprisingly cheery for an album recorded on a remote Norwegian island in the dead of winter, with swoony harmonies and counterpoints, intricate synthesized beats and blares of an antique pipe organ. “We had so many plans,” Zach Condon sings, both mourning and subtly sending up his cohort’s response to the COVID pandemic, but this remarkably pretty album seems more like a happy accident.

The Feelies—Some Kinda Love (Bar None)

What a total pleasure it is when one jangly, drone-y, indie rock phenomenon pays tribute to the wellspring. In this case, it’s the Feelies covering many of the Velvet Underground’s best known songs at a live show in 2018 where everyone had a blast. Now you can, too.

More albums that I loved in the order that I thought of them.

Iron & Wine—Who Can See Forever Soundtrack (Sub Pop)

Melanas—Ahora (Trouble in Mind)

Sleaford Mods — UK Grim (Domino)

The Tubs — Dead Meat (Trouble in Mind)

Sky Furrows—Reflect and Oppose (Feeding Tube/Cardinal Fuzz)

Lonnie Holley — Oh Me Oh My (Jagjaguwar)

Yo La Tengo—This Stupid World (Matador)

The Toads—In the Wilderness (Upset the Rhythm)

Dan Melchior—Welcome to Redacted City (Midnight Cruiser)

James and the Giants—S-T (Kill Rock Stars)

Ben Chasny and Rick Tomlinson—Waves (VOIX)

Bonnie Prince Billy—Keeping Secrets Will Destroy You (Drag City)

CLASS—If You’ve Got Nothing (Feel It)

The Clientele—I’m Not There Anymore (Merge)

Devendra Banhart—Flying Wig (Mexican Summer)

Kristin Hersh—Clear Pond Road (FIRE)

Sally Anne Morgan—Carrying (Thrill Jockey)

FACS—Still Life in Decay (Trouble in Mind)

Setting—Shone a Rainbow Light On (Paradise of Bachelors)

Airto Moreira & Flora Purim—A Celebration (BBE)

Sweeping Promises—Good Living Is Coming For You (Feel It)

James Waudby—On the Ballast Miles (East Riding Acoustic)

Emergency Group—Venal Twin (Centripetal Force)

Ryan Davis and the Roadhouse Band—Sing Dancing on the Edge (Sophomore Lounge)

Tyvek—Overground (Gingko)

Wurld Series—The Giant’s Lawn (Melted Ice Cream)

Various Artists—STOP MVP (War Hen)

[cookiethebirdthing]

i have strong or fairly strong ideas of what 50 of the Touhou characters sound like, if i counted correctly. these mostly came about from reading fanfics and manga with comfy and rping as characters for random bits, so not a lot of thought went into them. but they have more or less cemented themselves in my head as how they sound. i have some vague ideas for many others

so it makes sense comfy and i have the same voices for all of these characters and its rare that im on a voice call with someone else and it comes up. so then when it does i am reminded that everyone has their own voices for the characters and none of them have official voices and of course theyd be completely different when my own voices for them were just by vibes anyways. silly autistic brain

none of the voices are quite my normal voice. reimu is like my voice when im tired/not thinking about it at all. ruma sounds like a much more tired reimu (and she kinda is). lunardial picked ruukoto's voice. solardial picked sakuya's. sakuya, yukari, koishi, alice, marisa, and futo just chose the voices we all already thought the characters sounded like. seija picked ryūko matoi's english dub voice

[freuleinanna]

three-sentence fics: the jump-scare return!

Request from AO3: Masriel (specifically Asriel) + grieving over Lyra when they think she's dead

I bet you thought you'd seen the last of those! I have a totally lovely req sitting in my asks here and I'm waiting to be alive enough to write something sweet, but in the meantime why not have some drama :)

His body is blood, muscles, and bones unromanticized, so he should be escaped completely by the poetry of Marisa being the one to deliver the news, first of life, thirteen years ago, and now of death; he should be, but he isn't.

Lyra is dead; Lyra is dead,

though how she could be is beyond his comprehension, for grief comes difficult to those who resist, and Asriel does: he is working (a girl on the roof), planning (his own eyes looking up at him), warring ('Uncle?') and scheming (snow-kissed and admiring, so proud, so proud of him) – and keeps staring at a child's face on every page of his journals until formulas blur and cry.

'I don't know what to do,' he finally admits, dry-eyed and crushed to the bone, muscle, and his last drop of blood, because admitting it to Marisa somehow feels less terrifying than to himself alone, but he actually means Are we even parents still, when our child is dead?; and she just says 'You do what you intended to', in a voice cracked with echoes of what could have been, when she actually means, Of course we are; of course we are.

[docgold13]

365 Marvel Comics Paper Cut-Out SuperHeroes - One Hero, Every Day, All Year…

Supporting Character Supplemental - Aunt May

Maybelle ‘May’ Parker-Jameson is the widow of Ben Parker and the paternal aunt of Peter Parker, who leads a secret life as the web-slinging superhero known as The Amazing Spider-Man. Aunt May is nurturing and supportive motherly figure to Peter, although throughout most of Peter’s time as Spider-Man's, she has not known of his alter ego and found Spider-Man to be frightening vigilante.

Eventually, Aunt May became suspicious of Peter’s double life and ultimately discovered the truth.  Although reluctant at first, Aunt May accepted Peter’s life choices and has ended up a critical alley and figure of support to Spider-Man in his ongoing crime fighting career.  

Later in life, May married J. Jonah Jameson Sr., the estranged father of Peter's boss and Spider-Man's harshest critic J. Jonah Jameson, making him her step-son and by extension Peter's step-cousin (much to the discomfort to Peter and J. Jonah).  May and J. Jonah Sr. went on to create the  Uncle Ben Foundation, a charity focused on providing help for the less fortunate.  Sadly, J. Jonah Sr. fell ill to a rare illness and died shortly thereafter, leaving May a widow once again.  

Aunt May has featured prominently in the various cinematic adaptations of Spider-Man. Actress Rosemary Harris portrayed the character in Sam Raimi's Spider-Man trilogy; whereas actress Sally Field played the role in The Amazing Spider-Man movies’ and actress Marisa Tomei portrayed Aunt May in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The character was voiced by Lily Tomlin in the 2018 animated film, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse.

Aunt May first appeared in the pages of Amazing Fantasy #15 (1962).

[rustybottlecap]

I was surprised to learn that Marisa from Street Fighter 6 and Naomi from Goodbye Volcano High share the same voice actress: Allegra Clark. She's got range.

Though it became a little less shocking after seeing one of Naomi's earlier designs:

She wakes up every morning and chooses pacifism... for now.

[electricbluebutterflies]

Masriel + kissing AND biting to stay quiet

Affair-era, vaguely NSFW, also on ao3.

Damn him. Damn him and his pretty words and his electric touches and-

Marisa is well aware that screwing someone who is not her husband in a space that is not quite private is the kind of dangerous decision that could easily ruin her life. She is also aware, in this moment, that she does not care.

She knows the rules of such liaisons, how the nature of her body makes it automatically more of a risk for her than for her lover. Whatever impulsive streak she may or may not have does not apply to physical collision, to the voice in the back of her mind screaming that this is all a terrible idea, to-

She is aware of the situational risks. The man she is currently pinning to a wall, she’s starting to suspect, may not be.

A better self – the face that Marisa presents to the world, at this point in time, perhaps – would’ve stopped this a month ago. Once should’ve been enough. Just once, like everyone else she’s let have her, this too-common bad habit of fierce women who marry far too young. One taste of the forbidden should’ve put her off it. Instead…

“Fuck, how is that even comfortable?”

Her lover’s fingertips are on the clasp of her bra – a formality, she’d say if she was a little less distracted, just like undoing her blouse was a formality, just like everything more than pushing her skirt down past her hips is a formality. Every bit of maneuvering is another detail she will have to fix after the encounter, and she has no interest in undoing him on the same level and he won’t do it without her prompting, she’ll barely even see his prick before her body envelops it, she’ll-

If he has the slightest idea how much effort goes into her appearance… that’s a fight for later, for when they become the sort of couple who have fights, for-

“Do something useful with your mouth,” she says instead, because they are new and they are not there yet.

She knows what she is doing, what she has become, how every detail of her will linger in his mind for decades after whenever she refuses to slip away and oh who knows how long this will even last. Could become her recurrent outlet for all she knows, could be nice to have something predictable, could be-

He kisses her with the desperation she likes, deep kisses as his hands go lower, as hers do as well. She’s pinning him, she will emphasize this detail however she must, but she is not necessarily leading; this is, damn her, as close as she suspects she will ever come to having an equal. This blurring of lines, desire justifying what it will, this is a goddamned terrible idea, this is everything she’s ever wanted, this is-

One of his hands slips between her thighs at the same moment they separate for breath and Marisa sees that dangerous look in his eyes and oh she does not need whatever comment on the tip of his tongue about how wet she is and she decides that the only way of averting it is to reach up, undo exactly one button of his shirt, and bite his collarbone right on the line of what could easily be hidden. For this she gets a low growl, but at least that’s quieter and that’s what she wants, at least-

At least there is silence in their collision, as she pushes him down just enough for this to happen. Perfect silence as she feels already familiar sensations, a perfect little snowglobe moment. Years after they end, this is what she will remember. Bright eyes in awe of her, solid hands on her hips, the mutual feeling of being understood like no one else could ever do.

They end tragic. She knows this, even now. She is too young – they are both too young, really – and too heart-driven to the extent she even has that fragile part, and nothing she does now will stay in her favor. Same as everything else, really. Take everything she can before the bubble bursts.

But those are rational concerns for later, not for this moment. For when she is readjusting her clothes in a few minutes, not for when she is overcome with lust.

Take what she can while she can, and she does.

[sorakazeno]

Sera Myu Music Festival 2022 Blu-Ray

Event was held at the Shinagawa Prince Hotel Stellar Ball in Tokyo from November 17th – 20th, 2022.

I missed it by less than two weeks since I wasn't in Japan until December of that year. I doubt I would have stood a chance getting tickets.

Can we also talk about how excited I am to have Japanese Blu-Rays being the same region where I live? Makes it so much easier!!!

Back cover of jacket.

Performance booklet and musical performance dice.

Disc set. The performance on Disc 1. Bonus features on Disc 2. I love how all of them are also huge fans of Sailor Moon. Soundtrack for musical on CD 1. Special performances for the different guests on CD 2.

I haven't see a Sera Myu in a while so a lot of the music was new to me even if it had been out for a few years.

 Sailor Moon: Riko Tanaka

 Sailor Chibi Moon: Chise Niitsu

Riko Tanaka has a great voice.

Sailor Mercury: Kaon Maekawa

Sailor Mars: Rei Kobayashi

I can't be the only amused that the actress' first name is Rei, right?

 Sailor Jupiter: Kisara Matsumura

Sailor Venus: Marin Makino

Sailor Uranus: Shinjyu Terada

Sailor Neptune: Ayana Kinoshita

Sailor Pluto: Chisato Minami

Sailor Saturn: Yuzu Ide

Tuxedo Mask: Riona Tatemichi

Princess Snow Kaguya: Sayaka Okamura

Luna: Yune Sakurai

Human Luna: MARISA

I was fortunate to see Riona Tatemichi perform as part of the America Tour for the Super Live in 2019. I really loved seeing the bonus section with the senshi that were also on tour.

Guest Performances varied by date and time:

November 17 Show 1: Akiko Kosaka, ANZA

November 17 Show 2: Akiko Kosaka, ANZA, Toshino Akamine, Misako Iwana, Emi Kuriyama, Akiko Miyazawa

The original Sera Myu cast performed La Solider on the first night. Loved it!

November 18 Show 1: Tomomi Kasai, Cocona, Yui Hasegawa, Takae Obana, Hoshinami

November 18 Show 2: Shu Shiotsuki, Sayaka Fujioka

November 19 Show 1: Reona Hayashi, Samejima, Yui, Kyoko Ninomiya, Mayuka Ida, Yuko Nakanishi

November 19 Show 2: Yume Takeuchi, Karen Kobayashi, Kaede, Satomomo Hasegawa

November 20 Show 1: Satomi Okubo, Hyakuyo Koyama

November 20 Show 2: Satomi Okubo, Meiku Harukawa, Saki Matsuda

Lyrics

[littletayyswriting]

the last, my love

Title: the last, my love

Author: LittleTayy

Ratings: Explicit

Characters: Marisa Coulter, Lord Asriel

Summary: Though she never named it Marisa knew she loved Asriel. She also knew this would be their last time like this.

AN: This is a short little thing I began after 3x03 and turned out a lot less smutty than originally planned. Instead, it's definitely more angsty. But, I couldn't get the idea out of my head, so here you have it.

I hope you enjoy. Please review! :) LT.

Read On: AO3

She could feel it, the power and the madness radiating from Asriel. She wanted to look away but she couldn’t. The angels wings, its screams, the way it phased between forms fascinated her. Who would dare to do such a thing to an angel but Asriel?

It was terrifying and thrilling all at once.

Marisa thought her heart should be pounding at the sight. Instead she felt calm watching as Asriel pulled the lever down to its last setting. She could feel the energy brimming in the room and the light brightening from within the chamber. Bright white light that emanated from the angel as he screamed. Asriel stumbled back a few steps from the force of it all, his hand still on the lever. She could barely look at it though it was a sight to behold.

Then it went dark and she could hear Asriel panting. Her plan had been to make a quick escape to the intention craft while Asriel was distracted. But she couldn’t move as her eyes adjusted and she saw the empty chamber.

Asriel had killed an Angel.

“Marisa!” Asriel called to her gleefully as the darkness disappeared. He turned to look at her, eyes bright with madness and power and oh, how it called to her.

It’d been so long since she’d seen Asriel like this and just for a moment, all thoughts of Lyra had disappeared.

“Asriel,” she breathed, taking in this new sight of him. And then she was striding forward and closing the distance between them. He, himself, took only a few steps before he gathered her up in his arms.

Their mouths met in a passionate kiss. The energy sizzled between them as he grasped her hard about the waist and pulled her against his body. It seemed like so long ago that he’d had her in his arms like this. She could feel Stelmaria winding about their legs and her body trembled at the sensations running through her.

Her hands slipped up to his hair, tugging and grasping viciously. It was longer than she’d ever known it to be - this Asriel was so much the same and so much more different than the one she knew. The one she’d fallen in love with all those years ago; and yet, she knew, she loved him all the same.

Marisa would never not love Asriel but she knew, better than most and certainly better than him, that love was not everything.

She pulled back with a ragged gasp, panting in his arms. They shouldn’t do this. She needed to get to Lyra. He had just killed an angel. But looking into his eyes all she could see was his love, his hunger, his passion, his madness. It was a delectable little mix of all she loved about him and she didn’t want to part from that just yet.

“Marisa, my love,” Asriel said gruffly, voice deep as a hand came up to cup her cheek roughly. His thumb traced over her kiss-swollen bottom lip and Marisa nipped at it out of reflex. Asriel grinned and she knew he thought he had her.

She kissed him then, as lovingly as she could manage as her hands slipped between their bodies to pull at his belt and buckle. Her heart ached as he grinned into the kiss, moaning lightly. His own hands pulled at the ugly khaki top, unbuttoning and untucking it with zeal. It was only half undone but enough that he could press rough kisses down her jawline and neck and scrape his teeth over her collarbone.

Marisa arched into the feel of him as his hands cupped her breasts. Her own hands had stopped their quest for a moment, instead slipping under his shirts to claw at his muscled abdomen. He growled against her breast at the feel of her nails on him and then pulled back.

For a moment, Marisa frowned, confused by his distance before he spun her around and pushed her up against the glass window of the torture chamber. Marisa gasped as the heat and the energy radiated off of the window. Asriel pressed in close behind her, fitting their bodies together in the most delicious of ways.

He snuck a hand around her waist to undo the belt from her pants and snuck his hand beneath them. His fingers grazed through her curls and dipped low to brush her clit lightly. Marisa jolted a little in his arms and quickly dropped a hand from the glass to clutch at his forearm tightly. It’s been years since they’ve done this but he still knows how to touch her and tease her expertly.

She whimpered as the pleasure built and let her head fall to brace against the glass. His lips were on her neck; they kissed and sucked and nibbled and she used to worry about marks but now she doesn’t care. Not when his lips are against her ear and she’s sure she can still see the faintest traces of Dust in the chamber.

“Oh, how I’ve missed you Marisa,” Asriel whispered into her ear with all the passion he’d always reserved just for her. She knew he’d had other lovers, just as she had - but she will always be the one he loves; the mother of his child. Her eyes squeezed shut, if not for their daughter, she doesn’t think they’d be here, now as they are.

It reminds her, too that despite the pleasure, she can’t stay. She has to protect Lyra. She cannot get wrapped up in Asriel. This, now, will be their last time.

Marisa says nothing as she opens her eyes and pulls his hand from the khaki pants she wears. Asriel lets out a noise of complaint but Marisa is quick to face him and pull him into a desperate goodbye kiss. Though, she’s the only one that knows it’s a goodbye for now.

“I want to feel you Asriel,” Marisa moaned against his lips, her hands traveling down to tug at his pants. He grinds against her for a moment and she can feel his hard length on her thigh, it thrilled and saddened her all at once. It took a little manoeuvring but she pulled off a boot and slid a leg out of one side of the pants. Asriel gripped her backside to hoist her up into his arms and pressed her back against the window.

Her hips rolled eagerly as she clutched at a shoulder for support. Their eyes are on one another as he takes his thick length and lines it up with her core. For a moment they just breathe and then he’s sinking into her and she’s melting into him - and it feels to Marisa, horribly and wonderfully, like she has come home.

His thrusts are hard and deep for a moment as she adjusted to him after so many years without. Her hands tightened around his neck as they held each tight and demanding. She never wanted to let go.

Though she had never named it Marisa knew she loved Asriel. She also knew that this would be their last time together like this. They had more important things to be getting on with. But oh, how she wished she could make this last.

Tears gathered in her eyes, though she didn’t let them fall. A hand gripped his neck tightly and pulled him in to a kiss, kissing him fiercely and with all the love she’d ever had for him. This is the last, my love, she thought as she felt the pleasure begin to rocket through her body. Marisa moaned against his lips, eyes half-lidded and desperate to cling to him for as long as she could.

Her body trembled in his arms and Asriel groaned at the feel of her, their foreheads falling together as he finished inside of her.

For a moment, they simply clung to each other. Asriel’s knees weakened and slowly they dropped to the floor together, still wrapped up in each other as they had done many times in their past. Stelmaria paced between them and the door, before settling beside their forms; the heightened emotions and adrenaline having drained them both.

Marisa though, knew she had not much time now. This hadn’t been part of the plan but she hadn’t been able to help herself one last time. She pulled out of Asriel’s embrace gently, so as not to startle him and slowly began dressing again as he slumped forward for a moment.

“Marisa,” Asriel intoned as he turned to look at her, eyes inquisitive.

She smiled sadly at her lover as she reached down to run a hand gently through his hair. He accepted the touch, as she knew he would and before either Asriel or Stelmaria could react, she tightened her grip around his hair and with all her strength slammed his head forward against the red metal of the room.

The moment his head made contact and she heard the thwack Marisa leapt back and out of Stelmaria’s way. Asriel was stunned more than anything. But it was enough time for her to dart out of the door and towards the Intention Craft.

Her Golden Monkey was already there, readying it to fly.

She could hear Asriel’s voice shouting her name and paid it no mind. She climbed up and buckled in. On it turned and then it was moving, and if she’d had more time, she’d have marvelled at what Asriel had managed to create for it was truly a spectacular invention.

But she didn’t. And as she hovered over the landing platform, facing the hole in Asriel’s fortress, she stared right into the eyes of her lover and the father of her child. Understanding passed between them then.

“Goodbye, Asriel.” And then, she was gone.

[mrscoultxr]

📓 Push/Slide [an object] across a table to my muse. stark's working on something. doesn't look up when she slides a piece of it over to marisa, still tinkering with gears and buttons. what's probably mesmerizing is to wordlessly show the coulter woman what she's doing, she doesn't even have to pause her own current action. eye contact isn't her forte-- she doesn't -look- up, but the sharing means 'here, see', without anything that has to be voiced.

Mrs. Coulter sips her chocolatl idly, reading the newspaper at the table beside Alana. When she puts down her cup, she picks up a pen and delicately circles a few names in the paper. A few scribbles of notes here and there, a tap of the pen tip to her bottom lip, and her eyes narrow behind petite glass frames. She places the pen back down, and is about to pick her chocolatl up once more when the device is slid towards her. Her attention breaks from the news article and instead she picks up the device, turning it over and over, adjusting her glasses to get a better look at each shaved nook and soldered part. She checks thoroughly for any sign of weakness. More importantly, she looks for any sign of where it could be improved. Alana is, of course, a genius, with a mind for machines Marisa is loathe to admit she envies sometimes. Still, she finds one part that might be less efficient than necessary.

Marisa scans the landscape of the work table, searching for just what she has in mind. When it is spotted, the golden monkey swings up carefully and with his nimble black fingers, he plucks the part off the table and then swings gracefully over to Marisa once more, handing her the piece. She examines it, matches it to the part she is looking at, then slides both back to Alana.

“Here,” she murmurs as she takes her chocolatl once more. “You might find this more to your liking.”

[filmforager]

Back to Black: Review

Chasing Amy 

With her signature look and soulful vocals, Amy Winehouse left an indelible mark on music and pop culture before her untimely death. But that’s why a film about her life presents such a challenge to film-makers. Is there any way of telling the story of the singer’s life - so often exploited in the tabloids - without simply retreading the tragic story that we already know? Thankfully, Back to Black just about pulls it off.

No stranger to a musician biopic with John Lennon film Nowhere Boy, Sam Taylor-Johnson has framed Back to Black as a way of giving Amy’s story back to her. Following Amy (Industry’s Marisa Abela) as she chafes against the limelight of her first album, it’s clearly more concerned with the key relationships that fuelled her greatest songs. But at the outset, Matt Greenhalgh’s script seems content to follow the rise-and-fall blueprint of every other biopic, running through key moments with the nuance of a Wikipedia entry. Yes, that means scenes where studio execs try and sculpt Amy in their image, and obvious set-up scenes that exist to explain the inspiration behind Amy’s songs. 

Where Back to Black works best is in its portrayal of the doomed love story between Winehouse and on-and off boyfriend and drug addict Blake (Jack O’Connell). Played with swaggering blokey charm by O’Connell, you can completely believe the way Amy falls under his spell, their chemistry soaring over a game of pool in the back of a pub (it’s more romantic than it sounds). Their tumultuous relationship feels like the most authentic part of the film, and lays out the context for Amy’s issues with addiction. 

Playing such a huge character, the film pretty much hinges on the lead performance. But what Marisa Abela lacks in physical resemblance, she more than makes up for in capturing the spirit of who Amy was - boisterous and playful, but a fragile girl beneath the surface. More impressive still is her ability to capture one of the most distinctive voices in music. While her North London accent wavers at times, her renditions of Amy’s songs will make it tough for you to separate the original from the cover.

Less successful is the way the film handles Amy’s relationship with her dad Mitch (Eddie Marsan) - which is to say, it doesn’t really handle it at all. In fact, there’s not a lot unearthed here that Amy enthusiasts won’t already know - people looking for more insight into Amy’s life are probably better off watching Asif Kapadia’s terrific documentary Amy. But if you want a reminder of the downsides of fame, packed with great songs and strong performances, Back to Black does exactly what it says on the tin.

While it lacks the soul and depth of some of Winehouse’s hit songs, Back to Black keeps you invested with captivating performances from Abela and O’Connell. 

★★★

[vullcanica]

@viciousgold // ❛ I need danger, a hunt, a challenge. ❜ for Vera

"Ah, a hunt. I see." Amusement rings in Vanya's voice like a bell, jarringly cherubic in the sterile, vantablack-silence of the mortuary. There's nary a living soul to be found in the vicinity, she knows, the end of a work week underpinned by a marked standstill. There is only Marisa, fascinating Marisa, in all her straight-backed, regal glory and her terribly loud heartbeat ricochetting off the lime wash walls like a distant calling drum.

She's been careful to toe the line of professionalism until now, far be it from the from her first time entertaining a guest in her little white box, but the lazy river of conversation's flowed into uncharted waters. As rule of thumb the vampire tries to put less levity on matters of business than of pleasure. Yet the line's been toed. She slips her rubber gloves off daintily, wondering, idle, if she should cross it. Why do people always say such things as if into the universe or to some idle god... Never an outright invitation, always a plea to the world at large. Perhaps Marisa's need isn't hers to fulfill. But there are no idle gods here. There's just her.

"Ok, I will bite. You want a hunt," Vanya says, curiously, into the bleached, acrid air. "...and in this, do you seek to be the hunter or the hunted?"