#In buddy's time of need he is met by an 'unnamed' God of rage

[thedragonsfate]

ok but helioc followers being doomed inherently if they have any tragic or untimely death because they're taught that "Helio wouldn't let that happen" and similar principles

Being taught to live for the afterlife but also to expect worldly challenges like murder/tragedy/etc are something you are like. Immune to somehow? In living?

You are devoted to Helio and in so you will have a peaceful death, one that is fair and just and I'm befitting circumstances. Or at least that if you are subject to a tragic death, Helio will be there to hold you with open arms and some kind of REASON. Something to bring a wholeness to the upset of not getting what you've been taught to expect.

This idea that you are helioc and so your death is Helioc. Helio must have a plan for you, and your death will not be untimely, and if it seems so it serves a greater purpose that is theologically rewarding. Because of course it does.

You are helioc and so you don't just die for no reason. Death is a moment of respite and a crossing into everlasting life and it will ALWAYS be for a greater reason if not simply your salvation.

Helioc followers (and followers of sol) learning that sense of disdain for their non or "wrongly" faithful peers due to that sense of superiority. That sense of superiority extending past your feelings about others and into your expectations for how you will pass into the afterlife.

That superiority creating a fellowship that EXPECTS Helio to save them in the living world - because you've been good, it's not your time yet, Helio wouldn't let that happen to you, his faithful servant. You are faithful and he would not punish you with a an unjustified death.

You are ENTITLED to a befitting death into afterlife because you are Good where the world is Bad and you do everything you can to remind those who do not follow your god, to relentlessly try to convert them, to fall into the trap you fell in so long ago shaped by fear, by a victim complex, by isolation from other groups that makes you hostile toward them, even if behind a smile.

A world that is Fundamentally and Observably polytheistic, where the Helioc unfortunate enough to befall a tragic, untimely, or unexplainable death are -doomed- to the faith upon meeting their Deity. Because unlike those of the faith who have passed peacefully or for their own martyrdom or whatever else, you show up to the corny gates and something is Wrong. Your god comes to you with love but he did not protect you in the way you're certain he was supposed to. In the way you were taught you DESERVED.

This is not a reward for your devotion and it cannot be justified. Your god is a Fratboy of Corn who is unable to answer your questions because to answer your questions truthfully would be to unravel the principles fundamental to your religion. To acknowledge that "bad things happen [to good people] because Things Happen" is to admit that being Helioc does not Save You from the wrath of the cosmos. That being Helioc does not make you uniquely and automatically good, and therefore safe from the happenstance of the world. That the good people you watched suffer did not Earn it in some way, they were just dealt that hand. The hard times befallen upon your worldly siblings is not something that happens because they weren't "devout enough."

to admit Helio is not inherently more holy than any other deity, is the kind of truth that can destroy this type of faith, and Helio needs to stay alive. Gods are not of the material, but they're dependent on their followers to survive. To bend to what their followers preach and create as their religion in this SPECIFIC way means that you can no longer be truthful about these matters when (if) they ask. In the right hands it could destroy him. He needs the unwavering faith the church has built to stay as strong as he has been, because that it how he's maintained the power he's had until now. He no longer knows another way. And that's excluding whatever influence Sol/the church of Sol has on him and his domain.

Helio not only cannot answer truthfully, but is DESTINED to get himself out of dodge quick upon being asked. Because as above so below, and the church is not known for its ability or willingness to take responsibility.

And if youre disillusioned enough, or angry enough, or sharp enough to put that together from an interaction in any way similar to Kristen's in freshman year, then the betrayal of your own God is GOING to take over.

Maybe you're like Kristen and you start asking questions, maybe you're like Buddy and take the rageful hand that offers to ressurect you the way your own God "should have".

But to die in the way they died automatically puts them in a position that if they are to get to heaven and ask questions, or have conflicting feelings strong enough to get you thinking, then they're DOOMED either to be disappointed with Helio or to dig deeper into deluding themselves. This of course will not always trigger a loss of faith, ans plenty of people leave the church in living for a myriad of reasons - we saw this with the summer of endless night. But there's something so interesting in the way the nature of your death could be further reinforcement of your ideals or completely shatter them in one fell swoop, even upon reaching the place of blessed afterlife.

because the Church of Helio seems different from the other religions we've seen in game in that over time the modern faith has been been BUILT on expectation and a sense of deserving more than others. And to die in a manner directly opposed to your own sense of entitlement is all that the latent anger may need to break that follower-deity relationship

Of course Kristen met Helio and was immediately unsure about her direction in life. On the other side of that coin, of course Buddy let his faith go to come back to life to serve a corrupt god of rage. They're children killed young and devout, who's deaths are orchestrated by powers out of their hands, and not in line with the ideals taught by your god.

The difference being how entrenched you are when that happens, and who's there to pull you out.

[little-wicked10]

You Ain’t Easy to Love (Part 2)

JDM as Samuel “Rooster” Corbin (OC) x Unnamed OFC

Warnings: SMUT, bad language, super angsty…I think that’s it?

Part 1

“So uh...heard you were single. Thought maybe we could get a beer some time?” 

All the cheering from the stands and clanking of metal chutes around me couldn’t drown out the annoying voice of the roughie next to me trying to get in my pants. You’d think the lack of reply would give him the hint I wasn’t interested. 

“C’mon, darlin’. I promise I’m a good time,” he urged. 

“Look. I’m sure you’re a nice guy, but I’m really not interested in grabbing a beer with you,” I tried riding away from him, but he persisted. 

“Well, then, we don’t have to grab a beer. We could always just skip to the end,” he jogged after me. 

“Luke! She said no!” a buddy of his yelled from his position on the metal fencing. 

The roughie, Luke, turned away in a frustrated huff as his buddies laughed at him. I don’t know why I even bothered to come out to the rodeo. I wasn’t in the mood for the cheering and drinking and adrenaline. I just wanted to be alone. 

The last time I saw Rooster was a month and a half ago before he had disappeared from my home. 

He didn’t call. 

He didn’t text. 

He didn’t even leave a note. 

He had completely erased himself from my life with nothing left behind but memories and an empty side of the bed. I blame myself. I shouldn’t, but I do. I hadn’t even realized I told him. I hadn’t realized the words I often only kept locked away in my heart had actually come out of my mouth. 

I love you...

I can’t keep beating myself up for how I feel, but I still do. I lie in bed at night sobbing. I hold on to the one piece of clothing he had left behind and let it soak up my tears. The shirt has long since lost his scent and will probably never smell like him again. I’ve had break ups in the past that hurt, but I’ve never felt a pain like this. A pain that made my heart hurt and my stomach twist into knots to the point I wanted to be sick. A pain that when I cried, I would sometimes just scream out into the dark. 

I felt tears prick in my eyes as I rode back to my trailer. I quickly wiped them away, so I could load up and head home. I’d rather cry in the privacy of my own home than be stopped by my friends to ask what happened. I’m sure everyone knew what had happened. News travels fast in the rodeo community. The second I was seen without Rooster, it confirmed everyone’s suspicions. I didn’t bother to listen to the rumors about him. They’d only make the pain worse. I knew he had to have been half way to Wyoming by now, trying to avoid the rumors and gossip. 

By the time I made it home, my face was red and tear stained. I didn’t bother to unload the tack in my trailer. I didn’t have the energy. My horse went into his stall with no complaints. I swear sometimes horses just know when something is wrong. A lot of times he’d fight me because he’d wanna be in the pasture with my mares, but tonight he was compliant. After slipping the halter off his face, I simply rested my head against his neck. The tears spilled again as I inhaled the smell of the animal and the barn. They were comforting to me, but they weren’t the same as him. 

I took a deep breath and composed myself. Lifting my head off the beast, I patted his neck softly and locked up the barn for the night. My home felt empty in a way. Things didn’t give me the same happiness as it use to. The memories that were held in this house made it hard for me to come back here. It was mine before, during, and after him. I didn’t realize how much Rooster had effected my life until he wasn’t in it anymore. 

I showered the dust and dirt off myself and changed into a comfortable pair of shorts and a T-shirt. Flopping on the bed, I stared at the ceiling, mind blank. I felt like I was trying to stand still while the world was forcing me to move on to the next day. I was grasping for a moment to stand still and reclaim some of my sanity. 

My endless staring was interrupted by a knock at my front door. I didn’t move at first. I was trying to decide if there had actually been a knock or my ears are playing tricks on me. Another knock rung through the silence, and I knew my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me. The thought of ignoring it seemed like a great idea until the knocking became more persistent.

I kicked myself up out of bed and shuffled towards the front door. Who the hell could be knocking on my door this late? I wouldn’t put it past me if it was some of my friends trying to have an after party. I didn’t bother looking through the peep hole when I reached the front door. After swinging it open, I felt my heart stop and my blood run cold. 

“Hey, Darlin’,” he said with a weak smile. 

I couldn’t form words as he starred at me. It was as if looking at a ghost. Was he really here? He couldn’t be, could he? A wave of emotions hit me all at once: sadness, joy, anger, heartache. I wanted to slap him at the same time I wanted him to hold me. “Can I come in?” Rooster asked. I found myself stepping aside to let him in. His boots echoed on the wood floor as he came in followed by the sound of the door clicking closed behind him. Suddenly, I was blessed with the ability to speak, “What are you doing here?”

Rooster walked into the kitchen, removing his hat and setting it on the counter, “Don’t I always come back?” That comment in itself set my rage a light. 

“No. No, no, no, no! You don’t get to come back in here and act like nothing happened, Sam!” I snarled pushing myself off the door towards him.

“Baby,” he tried to interrupt, but I quickly cut him off.

“You don’t get to come back here and act like you didn’t just leave me for two months! You left without so much as a good-bye, Sam! I told you how I felt, and you left! Do you have any idea what that did to me?!?” I barked.

He gave no answer. He just stared.

I felt the tears prick in my eyes, “Of course you had no idea because you were thinking only about yourself. Lord forbid you were ever tied down, that you ever share your feelings. Might make it too real for you, wouldn’t it? I’ve spent so many nights crying. It’s worse than any pain I’ve ever felt. God, I don’t even know why you’re here!”

I saw him step forward a bit before I stopped him, “No! You’re not gonna just come in here and hold me and think that’s going to fix what you did! You left me! You made me feel like it was my fault when it wasn’t! It was your fault for leaving. YOUR fault for taking the easy way out. It’s your fault for making me think you cared!”

“Darlin’, just let me…,” he took a step forward, but came to a screeching halt when my hand met his cheek. 

The skin of my palm stung and the room became deadly silent after the initial smack of me slapping him. Rooster stumbled back for a second, shock all over his face. Hot tears rolled down may cheeks as I stared at him with pure rage and hurt. I was an open nerve, a bleeding wound that just had dirt thrown in it. I saw his body start to heave as his breathing became more erratic.

He suddenly came towards me with a purpose. He grabbed me by the waist, but I wasn’t done retaliating. I smacked his chest and tried to push him away, but he was stronger than me. Rooster’s rough hands grabbed my wrists, and I was suddenly pinned against the front door. That contact alone made my body buzz to life; I had missed his touch so much. 

In a split second, his lips were on mine, and I was drowning in his taste. The more I fought against him, the tighter he held on to me. He let go of my wrists and pulled me by the waist to stay against his body. I could feel my anger slipping away and turning into longing, but I wanted to be angry. I wanted to fight with him, argue and scream at him even though my body craved every minute of his touch.

Rooster’s right hand suddenly wound into my hair and tugged. My self control went out the door, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. The second I had given in, I felt him grab my ass and lift me up to wrap my legs around his waist. We moved towards the bedroom, refusing to part the whole journey. Rooster roughly threw me on the bed and stared at me with fire in his eyes.

I saw him reach for his belt buckle, the metal jingling as he undid it and threw it to the ground. My hands acted quickly to discard my shirt and shorts, my body desperate to feel his against it. Rooster worked quickly to unbutton his pristine white button up and then throw his jeans off. It wasn’t long before his body was back on mine, and we both moaned in satisfaction. 

There was no time for foreplay. We both fought to be closer and in control of the situation. Our body’s seemed to know exactly what we needed because it felt like they moved on their own. Anywhere he touched felt like fire. His hands were everywhere. Our kissing was sloppy and rough. I wound my fingers into his long hair and kept him secure to me. Rooster’s right hand thread into my hand and pulled, exposing my neck for him to attack. I managed to wiggle a hand between our bodies to coax him inside me until his other hand moved in front of mine and lined his tip up with my entrance. 

I let out a whine as he teased it against me. “Please…please, Rooster!” I pleaded. I was on the verge of tears in this still moment. A moment of him deciding to keep teasing us both or finally giving into what we were craving. He chose the latter. The feel of him inside me seemed to take the hurt away; the longing away. With one hand still locked in my hair, he brought the other to intertwine with my hand and keep it pinned to the mattress as he began a strong and powerful rhythm. 

Rooster’s grunts and moans echoed in my ears. The high I felt to have him back again couldn’t be matched. I knew once the heat subsided that reality would go back to normal again, but for now, I was enjoying the moment. I was enjoying the moment of sanity I’d searched for. 

Our moans and panting drowned out the obscene sounds of our joining. His hand left my hair and took my other hand, pinning it to the mattress and interlocking our fingers. My legs wrapped around his waist to encourage his movements. I wanted this to last forever. 

“Tell me you want this,” his gravelly voice broke the silence.

I was in a delirious state and only nodded.

“Say it,” he demanded.

A whine caught in my throat as I uttered the words, “I want you.”

A sudden burst of energy, and a moment of clarity in my lust-filled fog, and I flipped him over and straddled him. I rode him like a crazy woman. Calloused hands ran up my stomach and to my breasts. My hands held his against my skin, moaning at the sensation. Rooster suddenly sat up and met the rolling of my hips with his own. Arms wrapped around my body and our chests pressed together. I wound my fingers into his hair again and held his face to my chest. His mouth suckled against my skin, nibbling every once in a while. 

This was truly heaven in earth, but I wasn’t going to last much longer. The feeling of explosion crept up on me. I tried to slow down. I tried to slow my hips and push his mouth away for less stimulation. I didn’t want this to end, but he was a stubborn man. His strong arms made me move with him and he leaned forward even more to continue the attack on my breasts and nipples. “C’mon, darlin’. C’mon,” he moaned. I didn’t want to give in. I wanted to drown in this feeling forever. I knew when it was over, he might disappear again. I might be broken again.

My efforts were fruitless. My body’s betrayal was sweet yet bitter. My heart felt like it was going to explode as pure euphoria made my body vibrate and fill my every sense. My arms didn’t know whether to pull him closer or push him away. Rooster held me tight against him as he reached his end, hips stuttering against mine and then warmth within me.

I whined and whimpered as my orgasm seemed to absolutely wreck me. Every slight movement made me keen at the over sensitivity. Rooster smirked against my chest. Our bodies were sweaty and our panting filled the silence. The room no doubt smelled of sex. My head was foggy, satisfaction seeping into my entire body. 

We sat there for what felt like an hour, and Rooster carefully shifted us until I was on the bed and he could slip out of me. The loss of him made me keen once again. I watched as he stood up off the bed and began to walk away. My heart jumped in my throat and tears pricked him my eyes as he retreated. I felt panic until he turned the bathroom light on and began to rummage around. 

Rooster was silent as he wet a rag and returned to clean me up. Neither dared say a word to the other as the rag moved over my sensitive area. I watched him discard the rag by throwing it into the bathroom and then he climbed into bed, throwing the cover over us both. He brought my body to his, making my head lay on his chest and his arm wrapped around my waist. 

Silence.

What was I supposed to say?

Was he going to say anything?

My brain became a cluster of questions until he suddenly spoke up, “I ain’t good with words, baby. You know that.”

I gnawed on my bottom lip.

“What I did was…it was shitty,” he continued, “I did some thinking while I was gone.”

Oh, no. God, please, no. I felt a lump form in my throat.

“Fuck! I don’t know how to say it,” he groaned.

I quickly sat up, shrugging out of his grasp, “You don’t have to. You don’t love me, and whatever we had between us is over. At least you had the curtesy to come back for one last fuck.”

The words tasted bitter in my mouth. I felt my eyes well up with tears and my heart begin to shatter again. 

“Baby, please let me talk,” he sat up next to me. He hesitated before speaking again when he saw my tears. I couldn’t look at him as he watched me cry. I felt him grasp my chin between his fingers and bring me to look at him, “Leavin’ was the hardest thing I did. I let my fear get in the way. I shoulda stayed and talked to you. It took me two months to man up and realize that running away doesn’t fix everything.”

“W-what are you saying?” I hiccuped.

He hesitated. His tongue peaked out and wet his bottom lip, collecting this thoughts before he spoke again, “I love you.”

Was I hearing him right? I stared at him a moment, my mind processing what the hell just happened. My mouth opened to say something but closed when nothing came out. I felt his thumb wipe a tear off my cheek, “I ain’t got no right just coming back here and expect for things to go back to normal. You deserve better than this old dog, but I’ll spend everyday for the rest of my life trying to be what you deserve,” he whispered. 

“Are you telling the truth?” I uttered.

Rooster nodded, “I’m sorry for everything, baby. I want to be here with you because I love you. I’m sorry it took me so long to figure that out.”

My thoughts were whirl wind. He said everything I’ve been wanting to hear. My first instinct was to forgive him, but I knew that I was still upset. I was angry at him for what he put me through. The genuine look in his eyes told me that everything he said was true. Rooster’s nerves were showing through the longer I didn’t say anything.I finally took a breath to calm my thoughts.

“I don’t completely forgive you, but…I love you too,” the words felt right, “You ain’t easy to love, but I love you.”

He cracked a smile and chuckled. My tears shifted from being tears of sadness to tears of joy. We’ve been through a lot this man and I. There was probably more to come. Rooster wasn’t easy to love, but somehow I knew it would get easier.