#In depth discussion about Athena's regert

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I have such complicated feelings about Athena's regert in epic. Because on one hand. Athena WAS right. Odysseus did need to listen her. And he did need to kill the cyclops. And her regert and her desire to find a better path for the future makes it seem that wasn't the case. That odysseus was right to adopt polites mindset (WHICH is a whole other post I might write up. I have. Thoughts!)

And that is very much not what Athena is regretting. She regerts leaving and LEAVING ONLY. (And maybe her comment about the dead friends). She regerts not being able to make odysseus listen. And later she regerts what happened to odysseus because she's horrified about what he suffered with calypso.

How many times in those ten years did Athena almost go visit odysseus on the automatic. When she left, she had convinced herself that odysseus was just another mentee just another one of her heros. She had been convincing herself of this for years, for odysseus's whole life basically. And then when she left she found that that was not the case. The pain she felt would not allow her denial anymore. (Yall ever lose a friend? Have a best friend become a stranger? That shit hurts like nothing else.) So at first she's angry and hurting and then later she's idgent with herself (she's not going to apologize first. Like hell shes the goddess here.) and hurting and then she's just lonely and hurting.

Shes not really close to any one on Olympus. And odysseus always took such good care of her (his prayers and devotion and inventions fed her so well) even though she's a war goddess and doesn't need it. And he was always fearless of her. Comfortable with her the way literally nobody else is. (Because he's her friend /her best friend) and Olympus is all politics and cold distance and catering to her father and she tried to go visit diomedes but (the poor boy) is still so afraid of her. And was all great Athena direct me to where you need the spear thrown. (The feeling of heart break is familiar now. She's never felt this human before how do they cope)

And so she's lonely and bored and hurting and she MISSES her best friend. She REGETS leaving. And she's missing and reverting enough to swallow her godly pride and go visit odysseus friend. Maybe she won't apologize first but she can extend the first olive branch. So she goes to Ithaca and does not find him. That's super weird but she does find telemachus

Telemachus who, despite his circumstances is so happy. Who teaches her about how the future could be. And they talk about it, how the future could be. (Honorable warfare. No more camp slaves, so more women hiding in her temples and Athena failing to protect them from being raped. Giving your enemies a the chance to surround and then dealing out a quick death honorable death if they dont.) Telemachus who calls her friend immediately. Who is maybe a shyer happier verison of his father. Who odysseus might be if he ...hadn't had her in his life. (It's a horrible thought. Heart break is a familiar feeling.)

So she hustles telemachus off the island. They make a plan, telemachus will be safe from the suitors. Athena will block the women's door so none of the suitors can go in. And telemachus will look for his father in the mortal relam, seeking odysseus's old comrades and she will look for odysseus in the godly realm.

So Athena, filled with heart break and regret but hopeful for the first time since she was four (and play fighting with pallas) goes time diving for her old friend. And is /horrified/ when she finds him. Finds out how exactly he spent the last seven years. Another one of her chosen violated another one she failed to protect. Her best friend gods. What has she done? This never would have happened if she had never left. Why did she leave? It was odysseus's first fuck offense why did she leave?

She has to help. SHE HAS TO

So off she goes, pissing off her father for the first time ever. And putting her pride to beg (also for the first time ever. Odysseus do you see this shit I'm doing for you)

By the time she's talking to odysseus again. She's spent ten years of heart break missing her best friend, the guilt has cumulated into self blame for not preventing odysseus's violation. (Keep in mind that witnessing trauma is just as traumatizing as going through it. And Athena is a chaste goddess. ) telemachus has shown her a new path for the future. Hence her regert and wondering about leading odysseus astray.

But then this tragic complicated guilt and character growth Athena goes through gets boiled down to actually polites was right (again I have thoughts about his philosophy and that is a completely separate post. As is how telemachus and polities views differ (because they do!!!!!) But again. Separate post.) And any killing at all is bad. And then you have fics where Athena begs odysseus's forgiveness and claims that all killing is bad and (like no hate obvious people can write and headcanon however they want. ) it's just an instant fuck no for me and I've got to click out of said fics. And I know this is part due to this culture we've developed lately and childish black and white thinking (bad vs good. No nuace. If anybody disagrees with my opinion that's uncomfortable and that threatens me so therefore that person is evil and I must attack them) and partially because in fandom things get summerize, nauce gets lost. And it's hard to see the nuace in a musical playlist anyway. And everybody is going to interpret things differently and all that.

But at the end of the day. Athena was right that the cyclops needed to be killed. And she knows this she doesn't regret this. Just how she handled the situation , just that she was so ubrupt with her best friend, everything that led to odysseus being trapped on that island for seven years.