#Indisposable. People knew me for my performances and it was nice because people generally forgot I existed and didn’t even care enough to
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Playing my bass for the first time in months. Is this what being a human person feels like
#I’ve lost so much of myself that makes me unique. That makes me someone who can be something to this world. I’ve felt no motivation to do#Things that I know make me happy. I practically begged myself to do this today. I don’t want to forget how to play when it’s something that#People really admire about me. My PE teacher used to say I was the best bassist in the school and that I was up there in terms of skill wit#My bass teacher (who he described as a ‘bass goddess’ lol) and it meant so much to me that I was seen in that way. As someone skilled and#Indisposable. People knew me for my performances and it was nice because people generally forgot I existed and didn’t even care enough to#Hate me. Things like this keep me sane. They remind me that even though I’m not seen as who I am by the outside world that doesn’t mean I#Have to lose that person internally. I can still be myself and I *should* still be myself.#That’s my I’m using my disc Walkman and collecting cds again. It’s why I’m gonna start going to the library again and being a preachy vegan#And buying my snacks and shampoo at the refill shop and spending my wages on lush if that makes me happy!!! I’m gonna try and finish all my#Supernatural dvds and the PlayStation 2 game I bought like 2 years ago and I’m just gonna try and be me as much as I can. Im sick of just#Waiting around consuming three pieces of digital media at a time checking all my socials every 3 seconds to see if anyone has remembered me#Or said hi or shit like that while trying to be as unconscious as possible while still being awake I’m going to live !!!!!!!!!!! I’m gonna#Try and keep being the person that people admire in me. I deserve that and so do the people that see that good in me.
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