#It's Just The Cutest Thing When You Get To Fussing Cussing (Eric and Kyle - SouthxParkxAfterxDark)

[all-my-friends-were-glorious]

[ @southxparkxafterxdark || Continued From Here || Kyle ]

[ Eric ]

OMG GIVE ME THE BABY

Have you named her?

Truffles. Her name is Truffles. Unless you named her. Buffy? Fluffy and Buffy?

[all-my-friends-were-glorious]

“No, you can’t be here.” - Exes With Feelings Starters

[ @southxparkxafterxdark​ || Ky ]

[ Stuart + Eric ]

Leaning against the doorframe instead of his cane, wrist and elbow pressed into it as he scootched a bit more into Ky’s space. The heavy lidding over his pale blue eyes and the heavy scent of alcohol on his breath made it obvious as to what he’d been up to for most of the night. A smirk growing into a smarmy smile bared his stained teeth, and he reached forward with the cane in his free hand.

Tilting Ky’s chin up a little with it, Stuart couldn’t help tutting at him, shaking his head. He wasn’t much taller than Ky, but it was four inches he was proud of nonetheless.

“Don’t go pulling that shit, now. You can’t just go shutting me down like that, you know I don’t like being teased.” Tapping Ky’s shoulder with the handle of the cane, he jerked his head, “Where to, then?”

“Hey, babe? I--” Eric waddled out of the kitchen, perhaps making a bigger deal out of it than he should have, looking up from the taco kit in his hand and pausing, “...What the fuck is Kenny’s deadbeat-ass dad doing here?”

“Shut it, Tubby, you really should tell your mom to stop fucking feeding you.” Stuart barked back, eyes narrowing. He didn’t really like to be reminded of who he was, maybe still was, if only because he would never escape it in this town. Dropping the cane back to the ground, he swapped which hand it was in before leaning on it again instead of the doorway. As he moved, he was met with a loud chorus of ‘ay! I’m not fucking fat!’ 

Stuart begged to differ, and leveled Eric with a look that told him as much.

“...Ky?” Eric’s tone was skeptical, now, like he wasn’t (and would never be) ready to hear it, and his fingers gripped the box until it bent with an audible sigh. Frozen on the spot, he wasn’t entirely sure if he was angry or heartbroken, and it didn’t help that someone was back to fisticuffs with their sibling. 

[all-my-friends-were-glorious]

Kyle: I can't stand you.

Eric: Then kneel.

[all-my-friends-were-glorious]

[ @throughxthexmist || Continued From Here || Stan ]

[ Eric ]

“What, I can’t be worried about your gross ass?”

It wasn’t like Eric usually cared about anyone but himself, and maybe Kyle. But Kyle had been avoiding him as of late, and he wanted to get to the bottom of it. Especially with Kyle’s fucking bullshit about thinking he was cheating on him.

His mom, who had been the other woman countless times, had told him that cheating accusations often meant projection. He held his breath for a second, as if he thought Stan would blow chunks at any fucking moment. Honestly, that wasn’t such an odd thought to have around him, was it?

“You seen Kyle, lately?” 

Absently, his hand rubbed over his stomach. He wasn’t quite showing, yet, but he was positive he could feel something. Then again, he didn’t know how much he would show, considering his weight as it was. 

[all-my-friends-were-glorious]

Kyle: What's the signal when something goes wrong?

Eric: We yell, 'oh shit.'

Kyle: ...That'll work.

[all-my-friends-were-glorious]

[ @southxparkxafterxdark​ || Kyle ]

[ Text To: Jewsband 00:18:12 ] Hey, now that I’m pregnant with your kid...

[ Text To: Jewsband 00:18:25 ] Am I going to start craving a bunch of Jewd?

[all-my-friends-were-glorious]

Eric: Remember that time you dared me to lick the swingset?

Kyle: No, I said, “Fatass, don’t lick the swingset”, and you said, “Don’t tell me what to do, you stupid Jew!”, and then you licked the swingset.

[all-my-friends-were-glorious]

[ Closed Starter For @southxparkxafterxdark || Kyle ]

[ Cupid ]

A child walking down a street with a little red wagon full of baked goods and packaged snacks probably wouldn’t have looked odd. Proudly parading by and waving at the neighbors would have been cute, maybe, even. 

But Eric Cartman’s body, grinning from ear to ear and waving at everyone jovially was definitely not something most people were prepared for. When he took his little wagon up the walkway to Kyle’s house, there were a few people already set to pray.

“Oooh, hi, kitty! Pretty boy, pretty boy~ Kitty~ Kitty~ Kitty~” 

The behemoth of a cat in the window had his attention in seconds, and with childlike exuberance, he clapped both hands against the window. He was going to touch that cat, and he was going to cuddle with Kyle, feed him, and prove that they loved him!

Maybe then he would come back, and then Eric wouldn’t be so sad all the time. If Irene wasn’t fronting for him, these days, it was Cupid trying to boost morale. It wasn’t exactly the best situation, with his sunny disposition, but he had sure been making Liane’s life easier. Irene seemed to be helping, too.

Though she was worried for Eric, too. Cupid could feel her right at the back of his mind, a little pull to remind him what he was doing. He’d get to see the cat if Kyle opened the door. So, it was time to knock.

Knock, please, baby.

“Yes, mama.” He cooed, smiling until his eyes closed as he stepped back up to the door. Knocking rambunctiously, he rocked on the balls of his feet, chewing his lip. His eyes were wide and bright for once, and he looked hopeful. It was... Probably one of the strangest things anyone else had ever seen.

[all-my-friends-were-glorious]

@southxparkxafterxdark​ || Kyle

[ Eric ]

[ Text To: Jew’re The Only One For Me 8:30:42 ] OMG hold on Ky

[ Text To: Jew’re The Only One For Me 8:31:00 ] Fuckin’ Scott’s under my bed again

[ Text To: Jew’re The Only One For Me 8:31:20 ] Mom thinks he’s fuckin’ in love with me or something. It’s so fucking annoying. You’re the only Ginger for me. 😘

[ Text To: Jew’re The Only One For Me 8:31:46 ] He’s being so fucking WEIRD, Kyle. I’m half tempted to sleep at your house. Not only has he tried to fuck me with a knife but he sent me pictures of his dick. 🤢

[all-my-friends-were-glorious]

I'm under your bed, Eric (: (TEXT- squeallittlepiggy)

@squealittlepiggy

[ Eric ]

With a heavy sigh, Eric looked up from his phone and shook his head. Grabbing the spray bottle with jalapeno water in it off of his bedside table, he got up and turned to look at his bed. Stepping back to avoid getting his ankles grabbed, he dropped down, holding the bottle in his hands.

“Scott, get out of my room. I’m texting Kyle and I don’t need your weird-ass mojo in here while I’m trying to put the moves on him. Get!”

Spraying the spicy water towards what he hoped was Scott’s face, he added with a loud sigh.

“I will get my mom, Scott.”

[all-my-friends-were-glorious]

( southxparkxafterxdark ) ∗ 58﹕ sender  is  found  collapsed  by  receiver . Ky to Eric (those rituals are rough)

𝟏𝟎𝟎 𝑵𝑶𝑵𝑽𝑬𝑹𝑩𝑨𝑳 𝑷𝑹𝑶𝑴𝑷𝑻𝑺 .

[ @southxparkxafterxdark || Ky ]

[ Eric ]

“Kyle!”

Eric had been calling for him for twenty thousand years, and the redhead hadn’t shown up. While he didn’t look too much heavier, he still waddled around the house, passing by Leo and petting his head.

“Kyle? Where are you?”

Honestly, he’d been kind of pissed, at first. But... Now? Now he was getting worried. When he rounded the stairs and started for the basement, his eyes went wide as dinnerplates, and he dropped to a crouch beside the other, brushing some of his hair off his forehead.

“Ky?” He asked softly, trying to lift his head with both hands, “Kyle?”

[all-my-friends-were-glorious]

Eric: Ah, ready for another fantastic day of being better than Kyle.

[all-my-friends-were-glorious]

Your mine Eric you always will be (squealformepiggy)

@squealformepiggy​

[ Eric ]

"Jesus, Scott, I know you have this huge boner for me, but you don't have to scream about it."

Eric rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

"And don't fucking touch me. Kyle's buying me a union ring, after Kenny tells me what the fuck it is."

[all-my-friends-were-glorious]

Eric: Tomorrow is garbage day.

Kyle: I can't believe they have a whole day dedicated to you.

[all-my-friends-were-glorious]

Eric: Your wish is my command!

Kyle: Then I want you to-

Eric: Unless I don't wanna do it. Then I won't

[all-my-friends-were-glorious]

@southxparkxafterxdark