#Kingo being batshit insane

[eternalowl]

Eternals incorrect quotes part 2

Kingo: That was a joke. Say “ha”

Sprite: Ha.

Kingo: Now say it again.

Sprite: Ha.

Kingo: Congratulations, you’re officially the life of the party.

Kingo: What goes up but doesn’t go down?

Phastos: The amount of stress you bring this family.

Gilgamesh: …Should I ask why you’re covered in blood?

Thena: No, and the better question would be “Who’s blood is this-”

Gilgamesh: What are you in the mood for?

Thena: World domination.

Gilgamesh: That’s a bit ambitious.

Thena: You are my world.

Gilgamesh: Aww…

Thena: …

Gilgamesh: …

Thena: …

Gilgamesh: OH-

Kingo: I have an idea.

Ikaris: A good idea?

Kingo: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Kingo: Thena you can’t move in with Gilgamesh.

Thena: Why not?

Kingo: Well, um, how are you going to feel when he sees you without any makeup?

Thena: I’m not wearing makeup right now.

Kingo: Holy crap, you’re beautiful.

Everyone: You're alive.

Ikaris: There's no need to sound so disappointed.

Kingo: So what, now I’m just supposed to do everything that Thena does? What if she jumps off a cliff?

Druig: If Thena were to jump off a cliff, she would have done her due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry. So yes, if you see Thena jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.

Kingo: You jump off a cliff.

Druig: Gladly, provided Thena did first.

Kingo: Now, if I may speak for good-looking people everywhere...

Sprite: Only as their rodeo clown.

Sersi: What makes you all smile?

Gilgamesh: Friends and Family.

Druig: Snacks.

Ikaris: Victory and success.

Thena: Face muscles.

Ajak: Damn, the power went out.

Kingo: Don’t worry, I got this.

Kingo: *shakes rapidly and starts to light up*

Ajak: What-?

Kingo: I swallowed a glow stick!

Ajak, on the verge of tears: WHY WOULD YOU-

Phastos, texting: O

Kingo: What?

Phastos: Don’t read into that.

Kingo: But I will read into that.

Phastos: HOW?! IT’S A LETTER!

Kingo: Why is there a space after it, hmmmmm?

Phastos: Dude, really?

Phastos: It’s a fucking letter.

Kingo: It could stand for something!

Phastos: IT DOESN’T, I PROMISE!

Kingo: Like Oppression! Or worse…

Phastos: Dude, I just typed the letter O, that means nothing. :/

Kingo: Optometrist.

Phastos: Oh my God…

Ikaris: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy.

Sersi: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep.

Ikaris: I said within reason, Sersi. How about I murder that guy?

Sersi: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't?

Ikaris: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

*playing twister*

Kingo: Right hand red.

Makkari: *ends up on top of Druig*

Druig: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?

Kingo: I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice.

Sersi: What do you have?

Sprite: A KNIFE!

Sersi: NO!

Kingo: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?

Makkari: We're chopsticks!

Kingo: Well... that's cute!

Kingo: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?

Druig: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.

Sersi: Why aren't there friend pick up lines? Pick up lines to make friends like-

Sersi, to Ajak: Hey, that's a cute outfit. You know where it would look better? On nobody else, because you're a beautiful individual.

Makkari, to Druig: Be my friend or I'll set your entire family on fire.

Gilgamesh: There are two types of people.

Sprite: *fast-forwards all the way through the movie*

Kingo: You can't just skip to the happy ending!

Sprite: I don't have time for their problems.

Teacher: Your child was in a fight.

Gilgamesh: Again?

Thena: Did they win?

or

Teacher: Your child was in a fight.

Makkari: I need to talk to them about that…

Druig: Did they win?

Sersi: What situation is not instantly improved by the addition of fishnets, I ask you.

Druig: Being a fish.

Sersi: Well, shit.

Phastos: How long do you think it'll take?

Druig: I don’t know, three or four.

Phastos: Three or four what? Days? Weeks? Months?

Makkari, agreeing with Druig: Yeah, maybe five.

Phastos: Five what?!

Druig: Makkari, get that hidious thing out of the living room, would you?

Makkari: Ikaris, Druig wants you to get out of the house.

Thena: Kingo, we tried things your way.

Kingo: No, we didn't.

Thena: I did it in my head and it didn't work.

Ajak: Uptown Funk would've made it into the Shrek Soundtrack.

Kingo: That's the truest statement I've ever heard.