#Kit Harinfton

[adamwatchesmovies]

Pompeii (2014)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

Pompeii wants to do for its titular city what Titanic did to the ship. Along the way, it borrows more than a few elements from Ridley Scott’s Gladiator. Sometimes, mixing two seemingly incompatible things works out but you don’t always get Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, if you know what I mean.

In 79 A.D., Milo (Kit Harrington) is a talented gladiator called “the Celt” by the romans who wiped out his tribe and enslaved him. Brought to Pompeii, he catches the eye of Cassia (Emily Browning) when he helps get her carriage out of the mud. She is returning home, tired of the corruption of Rome and of Senator Quintas Attius Corvus (Kiefer Sutherland), who has been relentlessly pursuing her hand in marriage. While Milo and Cassia both look for a way to escape their worlds, mount Vesuvius looms in the distance, belching more smoke than usual…

This movie assumes you’re stupid, which is much worse than it being stupid itself. Pompeii ominously shows Vesuvius every 10 minutes. In no time, you become exasperated. Take a poll. How many people could even name an Italian volcano besides the who destroyed Pompeii? Who even knows anything about the city besides the way it was destroyed? You want to establish crucial plot points ahead of time but this film overdoes it to the point of comedy. When James Cameron brought us back to the doomed ship, he made the effort to sweep us off our feet. The Heart of the Ocean, lavish sets, stories of ordinary people looking for a better life and above all, the romance. By the time that iceberg showed up, we were so invested in Jack and Rose we'd almost forgotten a disaster was incoming. Paul W.S. Anderson wants to do the same thing. Unfortunately, the clumsy dialogue and feeble story means you never fall for the would-be lovers. Seemingly aware of this, the film instead tries to dump a bucket of action on the screen as a distraction. Are we not entertained? Nope.

The resemblances between Pompeii and Ridley Scott’s epic sword-and-sandal adventure can’t be coincidental. It steals entire scenes and then proceeds to do them so badly you’ll be in stitches. It’s trying so hard to be epic, particularly when lava begins pelting the Roman city and Milo races through the streets, dodging flames, falling debris and, most dangerous of all - Kiefer Sutherland chewing the scenery. Did we even need a villain? All he does is make the whole thing seem contrived. What are the odds the one man Milo swore vengeance upon is in the same town as him on the day the volcano erupts. Not only that, the villain happens to be pursuing the same woman as Milo and with the same passion that burns away common sense. The idea is for the calamity to heighten the tension, for us to desperately cling onto the hope that things will work out. I doubt anyone watching will be kept in suspense.

Considering the films it’s impersonating, Pompeii has the good grace of being mercifully short. Also noteworthy are the special effects - the disaster sequences look great. Otherwise, this whole thing is a write-off whose only purpose would be to be shown as a double-bill with either Titanic or Gladiator to prove once and for all that those films are good. Seeing a cheap knockoff gives you a new appreciation for the original. (On DVD, November 23, 2019)