#Krav: Darling... no. no you cannot.

[terezis]

Kravitz is just P R A Y I N G that his dear darling precious grand-niece doesn't ALSO become a lich later in life. Think of his blood pressure, rainier. Don't do this to your great uncle krav.

ranier takes the boys to merle’s beach estate for summer vacation and just before they leave she has to place her hands on fitzroy’s shoulders and look him dead in the eye and tell him that under no circumstances, no matter what he does, 

he absolutely cannot tell her great uncle kravitz about the future vision he had where she was the lich queen

and fitzroy is like why? is it because he’s the grim reaper? is it because he’s the grim reaper and he will hunt down and eat your immortal soul if you become a lich? is that why your dad lives in another plane? extremely weird family dynamic you guys have here btw

and ranier’s like no but he will give us a powerpoint presentation on ethical necromancy for the burgeoning bone adept again and it’s like forty minutes long and i just don’t want to sit through that right now

and fitzroy’s like what

and ranier’s like when he’s stressed he turns australian 

[kimbertsurprise]

@taznovembercelebration - Day 10: coffee shop/bakery

“That’s not the one you want.”

Kravitz straightened from his crouch in front of the glass immediately. “It’s… not?” The range of baked goods in front of him all looked phenomenal, true, but it wasn’t like the cinnamon roll looked worse than anything else. 

The elf behind the counter gave him an appraising look, wiping her hands on a towel. She shook her head. “Definitely not. Icing is way too thick.”

“Erm…” Kravitz stepped closer to the side of the case she stood on, scanning the cookies and croissants. “What do you recommend, then?”

The elf glanced behind her toward a door – seemingly leading to the back kitchen – then leaned in conspiratorially. “You want the black and white cookie.”

“I do?” As she nodded, Kravitz shook his head. “Wait, I don’t think I even like black and white cookies.”

The elf rolled her eyes and bent to grab a cookie from the bottom shelf. “Doesn’t matter, Ghost Rider. They’re impressive. Modern. Sophisticated. It’ll look much better to whatever lucky dude you’re giving this cookie to.”

Caught mid-way through reaching for a cookie he didn’t even want, Kravitz froze. “Giving this cookie? No, I don’t – I’m not – I just wanted a snack, I’ll be in my room composing all night, I – wait, Ghost Rider?”

“Saw your motorcycle out front.” 

Kravitz did not like the look in the elf’s eyes, which were now sweeping him up and down with something like barely disguised glee. Nor did he like the fact that he had just blurted out his utter lack of plans on a Saturday. Time to take the cookie and run, probably never come back to this bakery again, even though it was just around the corner and got great reviews on Fantasy Yelp and – 

“Taako? Babe?” The elf’s voice cut off his rambling thoughts, which then scattered again as another elf – with the same face, but wearing a glittering blue crop top under an apron instead of a red leather jacket – stepped through the back door. “Want to help our new customer?”

The newcomer huffed. “It’s your shift to deal with the people, Lup, I told – oh.” He stopped, cocked his head to the side. Gave Kravitz a once over. “What can I do for you?”

Kravitz’s face felt warm, which probably had something to do with malfunctioning air conditioning in the new building. “I, uh, wanted to buy this.” He held up the cookie bag.

There was a pause as Taako’s eyes zeroed in on the bag. And then he said, voice deadly soft, “Oh no. Oh no no no. Lup, my dearest, darling sister.” Even with the counter between them, Kravitz took a step back. “You are not using the distraction of a hot new customer to win this bet.”

“Who, me?” the first elf – Lup, apparently – asked with a distinct air of nonchalance. “I can’t help it if he was drawn to my artistry over yours.”

“Artistry? Artistry? Your sawdust, unoriginal – you, hey.” Then Taako’s eyes were on Kravitz, burning in their intensity and certainly not even a little bit distracting. Someone really needed to fix the temperature control. “What’s your name, thug?”

“Uh – Kravitz?” He coughed. “Mac. Kravitz. Most people call me Kravitz.”

“Krav, baby,” Taako continued, and Kravitz blinked, “please tell me my sister did not coerce you into buying her cookie. Or please tell me she did, actually, because a man with your face cannot have taste this bad.”

Lup made a squawking sound of indignation. “Hey!”

“You can’t win this bet by bribing the customers, Lup, that’s cheating –”

“I did not bribe, I just showed him all the options, don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m a better baker than you –”

“I, uh,” Kravitz interrupted, his mouth moving before his body could make him slowly exit the store. “I actually wanted the cinnamon roll.” He glanced at Lup. “Sorry.”

The arguing stopped abruptly, and two pairs of golden-yellow eyes turned his way. There was a brief silence. 

Then – 

“HA!” Taako shouted, and Lup threw her hands up in the air. “Concede now, I am the master baker, I am right!” 

Lup just rolled her eyes, first at Taako and then again at Kravitz. “No accounting for taste, either of you,” she muttered, starting toward the back room and tugging an apron off a hook on the wall. “Just check the man out, Taako. And oh, by the way –” she glanced at Kravitz, the grin blooming in her eyes and on her face again before she slapped her brother lightly on the back of the head – “he’s single, if you want to check him out in more ways than one.” 

And then she was gone, her laugh echoing through the bakery as the door swung shut behind her. 

“Ridiculous,” Taako said, but his face was flushed pink in a way that made Kravitz feel slightly better about the heat around his collar. “She’s impossible.” His hands fluttered a bit before they settled on the cash register. “Well, come here, bubbeleh, Taako’ll get you settled.”

Kravitz stepped up to the counter. And, well, no sense in not getting what he came for. “I’ll take a cinnamon roll too, please.”

Taako met his eyes for barely a moment before he broke out into a grin, slightly crooked but entirely charming. “Tell you what, handsome,” Taako said, and Kravitz’s breath caught in his chest. Gods, he needed to pull himself together. “I’ll give you this one for free if you come back tomorrow and tell me what you thought of it. Deal?”

Kravitz looked at Taako, and all thoughts of pulling it together flew out the window. He always did like a gamble.

“Deal.”