#LIKE CMON BE MORE CONFIDENT... U HAVE TO PUT UR HEART INTO IT

[milkbreadtoast]

devsis didnt draw clotted with his tentacle belt things forming a heart for valentine's day so i had to take matters into my own hands😔🫶

[baroquebucky]

hi lovely! i adore ur writing :-) i was just wondering if you could write something about bucky being all soft and gooey around his gal and kissing her and being all lovey dovey with her in front of the team, and them teasing him for it. i’d love to see it if it inspires u! thank u!

a/n: okAY I HAVE RESTARTED THIS LIKE SEVEN TIMEs because i didn’t know how i wanted to write this and so i decided to do some headcanons about this !! if you want an actual imagine let me know !!! i hope you guys enjoy it :~)

masterlist

Bucky was afraid of touching you the first time he met you

he was afraid that all the darkness and pain in him would ruin your happy, radiant demeanor, and he didn’t want that

but you didn’t allow that, giving him hugs for every little thing, bumping shoulders with him, grabbing his hand and dragging himself round to have fun

it was obvious the two of you would date, you made his life so much better and he did the same for you, helping you grow more confident and self assured

for years bucky only knew physical touch as painful, something he dreaded

and you showed him something completely different when it came to touch

the way your fingers gently traced every scar he had, the way they ghosted over his chest when he was asleep and you couldn’t sleep, the way you would pull him into you for a hug, wrapping your arms around him and squeezing him tightly

Bucky especially loved how you played with his hair, gently tucking it into place when the two of you cuddle or were kissing, the way you attempted to braid it and style it

Bucky couldn’t get enough

he missed out on this for so long so of course he would want your tender love any chance he got, he didn’t care who was around

the whole team thought Bucky was this brooding, intimidating man who was capable of killing them all if he tried, yet there he was, cuddled into you like a puppy

Bucky would kiss your face all over, making you laugh, planting sloppy kisses on your cheeks and forehead before finally connecting your lips.

“Fucks sake im trying to watch this show can you please do that somewhere else?” Sam would groan, annoyed at how soft Bucky was, Bucky only grabbed a pillow and threw it at him, never once disconnecting your lips.

You would smile into the kiss, pulling his hair slightly causing Bucky to groan a little, sam would make a gagging noise,” that’s it im out i hate you guys” you would burst out laughing the second he got up, immediately apologizing to him

he of course would accept, you were always too sweet and did so much for him, he couldn’t be mad at you.

At Bucky though? He couldn’t 100000% be mad at him

So Sam made it his mission to embarrass the metal armed man.

The two of you sat on the couch, cuddling.

Bucky snuggled so close against you if he moved a centimeter more he’d be on top of you. He had a hand in your hair, your arms wrapped around him, rubbing circles on his back.

he stared up at you, admiring how fuckinf beautiful you were

“how did i get the prettiest gal in the world hm?” he would smile, pressing a kiss to your arm, “oh shut up bucky” you blushed, refusing to take the compliment

“no I’m serious you’re so goddamn perfect doll” he whispered, moving to get comfortable enough to kiss your neck

“bucky stop we’re in the living room” you giggled, he continued to kiss you, placing a soft kiss on your jaw and then on your cheek

“what’s Sam gonna do? Get upset again?” He laughed and you rolled your eyes.

“I love you so much” he smiled at you, effortlessly lifting you and placing you on his lap

you smiled at the man, running your fingers through his soft hair, he smiled at you, his eyes fluttering closed at the relaxing contact.

“you know i love when you do that” he hummed and you smiled, leaning down to kiss his forehead you removed your hands from his hair and sat next to him, putting your head on his chest.

“why’d you stop” he pouted, looking at you as if you broke his heart in two

“Oh my god you are whipped” Tony laughed, you went red, Bucky felt slightly embarrassed but didn’t care too much, a smile creeping onto his face and he turned to look at you

“well how could i not be? i have the best girlfriend in the world” he spoke, you blushed deeper and tony rolled his eyes, turning around and leaving “yeah sam he isn’t gonna be embarrassed around us”

Sam groaned from the hall, emerging and narrowing his eyes at bucky, “I’ll get my revenge” Bucky only laughed and you but your lip to stifle your laughter.

“cmon angel” you spoke, standing up and grabbing his hand, leading him to your room so you guys could cuddle in peace.

The pda did not cease, Sam made every team member catch the two of you cuddling or being utterly adorable and yet nothing

Bucky has no shame showing the fact that he was wrapped around your finger, kissing your hand every chance, placing kisses all over your face and cuddling you at every chance

Then peter came to stay a night

he saw the way bucky would do everything for you, barely letting you do anything, he saw the way that if you asked for something he’d give it to you, the way that he cuddled into your side and was somehow always touching you

“oh my god” peter smiled to himself, texting ned and MJ quickly, guys mr barnes is a simp

He tried his best to hide his laughter but he couldn’t, wheezing as he picked up the Group FaceTime call

“no way the winter soldier is a simp??” MJ spoke and ned added on “he literally killed people how the hell did y/n manage to get him to simp so hard”

peter began explaining, giggling as he told them everything

Sam heard the loud teenage boy, immediately being struck with an idea

“hey Pete” he approached the boy in the kitchen and he gave him a small wave “i need you to do me a favor”

You and Bucky were in the garden, singing along to music and laughing, he held your hand, swinging it back and forth.

“I need to water the plants today but I’m so tired” you complained to your boyfriend, sitting under a tree, you were in between his legs and he rested his chin on top of your head

“I can do it for you doll face” he replied, you laughed shaking your head softly, “no i can do it lovely” but Bucky insisted

so there he was, watering all your flowers and getting bit by mosquitos, enter peter

peter was shitting himself, he was still kind of scared of Bucky, finding him intimidating despite knowing he could take the man

“what are you doing mr barnes?” Peter questioned, standing next to him and looking at the many plants

“y/n was tired so i told her I’d water her pants for her” he spoke, peter wrangled every ounce of courage he had

“huh so youre kind of a simp then” he spoke, Bucky turned to look at him, did he just-?

“what? no!” Bucky protested, suddenly feeling embarrassed because he was this little 18 year old calling HIM a simp

“i mean think about it, kinda yeah” he spoke, laughing softly, “it’s okay, in the end we all simp for someone” peter smiled, walking back inside, already wanting to apologize to bucky but instead searching for Sam so he could order him the pizza he wanted

Bucky stood in the garden, shock on his face. Sam watched from the kitchen window, laughing his ass off, finally embarrassing the super soldier

Bucky walked into your room, going to sit next to you, “am i simp?” He looked at you, troubled. You tried your best to stifle your laughter, composing yourself before looking at your boyfriend

“i mean yeah” you admitted, shrugging your shoulders.

Bucky was hurt for a couple of hours, vowing to himself that he would no longer simp for you, he could do that

right? wrong

by the end of the night Bucky was snuggled up to you side, eyes closed and mind at peace, you mumbled sweet nothings into his ear and he felt so- at home.

you were buckys home, he didn’t care if others saw it, he didn’t care if that made him a simp. He would be damned if he didn’t take every and any chance to kiss you and show you off and love on you

you did the same for him, Bucky was your safe space, your everything, your home

although Sam rolled his eyes when the two of you were cuddling heavily during movie night, he couldn’t help but be happy that bucky had found happiness in the world

[warmau]

{Special} College!AU Doyoung

major: pre-law / concentration: business law

minor: comparative literature 

sports: sometimes he says he’ll join tennis team to be closer to taeyong and taeyong begs him not to do that. anything but that.

clubs: book review club, uni orchestra 

everyone knows doyoung as a talker, he talks really well and no matter what he never seems to get nervous when there’s a crowd listening to him

which is why when he says “lawyer” everyone is like,,,,,,,,,,of course

his original plan was to become a professor because he likes books and discussion on literature

like,,,,no joke he’s always staying thirty minutes late debating on theories in books with all his teachers

and some teachers love it while others are like doyoung please i am just a teacher i need to go- and he’s like “have you considered that moby dick is actually trash? here’s 54 reasons why:-”

his older brother is an alumni of the school and everyone is like oh ~ you’re gong myungs brother??? and everyone in the pre-med department always wants to talk to doyoung about gong myung and doyoung is like yes. he went on to be a doctor. no. he isn’t married. no he ISNT LOOKING- 

he lovessss to bother taeyong when they all go out to eat and he’s just like “more handsome every day i see?” and taeyong is like someone save me. sicheng. yuta-

but doyoung just throws his arms around taeyong and is like ^^ let’s study together!~~~ and taeyong is dying but everyone else is living because it’s so funny,,,,

dorms with jaehyun and everyone is like wow,,,they’re so mature they’re probably in there studying and being studios students!!!!

while in reality they’re sitting on the floor playing video games and doyoung is betting jaehyun all his lunch credits for the weekend on some wii sports resort golf

but he really does give off the studios vibe,,,because out of everyone on campus he dresses so???? formally like

you’ll never catch him in sweatpants and a big t-shirt (see: taeil) like doyoung wears collar shirts, those dad pants that are jeans but made of corduroy??? maybe a tie if he’s feeling it,,,,,, flip flops on campus? he’d rather DIE he’s wearing those oxfords and u know it!

is lowkey trying to give advice to e v e r y o n e like “mark,,,,,i know ur going to soccer but wear knee pads - i don’t care if you’ve been playing for ten years sweetie” to “johnny. that color of green on you is ugly.”

people find him intimidating because yes,,,,,he can be straightforward and blunt

but,,,,he’s a sweetheart who looks like a curious kid with round eyes and a kind smile 

and as much  as taeyong might spend running away from doyoungs affection,,,,he loves having him around because doyoung never makes anything awkward

he’s a natural leader tbh and he can make a conversation out of nothing it’s crazy,,,,,,,

and you,,,,,,know who doyoung is because you’re friends with ten who is always telling about how much he LOVES doyoung

how silly he is,,,,,how fun he is,,,,,how he acts like a cute bunny sometimes

and you,,,,,do not get it

because you’ve seen doyoung and the way he looks so sharp and intellectual and how when he talks he sounds like he knows,,,,,,everything

you’re not even sure you’ve seen doyoung laugh

and ten shows you the pics on his instagram of doyoung laughing,,,hand over mouth,,,looking silly with hair a mess and soft skin,,,,

but you’re like,,,,,,,you’re still sorta intimidated by him you just??? don’t get how someone can be so naturally good at being social and confident

and ten waves it off he’s like doyoung has his insecurities too,,,you know he IS human too??

and you’re like nope,,,too handsome- i mean too smart to be human

and ten hears the handsome but pretends not to and you’re like coughing into your palm because leTS not admit that maybe you’re intimidated because you know if you spoke to doyoung you’d become a blubbering mess

because wow he’s ,,,,,,,,,, attractive ,,,,,,,,, and so much more intelligent that anyone you know TT 

that is until one day you’re looking down at your homework, stoic expression and ten throws his bag down beside you on the quad and sits down and is like whats up

and ur like,,,,,,,,,i have to give a speech for a class,,,,,,,,ten,,,,,,,i cant

and ten,,,,looks like christmas came early or something because he’s like DOYOUNG

and you’re like ?????? what about hi-

and ten is like DOYOUNG CAN HELP YOU OMG this is great you two can finally meet and fall in lo- i mean help each other ok ill introduce you right now let me text him

you aren’t fast enough to stop ten’s exited hands and before you can grab his phone ten is like sent!!!!!! 

and ur like ten,,,i don’t wanna bother him or an-

ten: doyoung says he’d love to help!! he’ll meet you in the library at 7

and u just sit there,,,,looking at ten whose give u the mOST GIDDY expression

and ur like fine ok and u get up and ten is like its gonna be grEAT and ur like,,,,,a little nervous because u,,,,,,have never been around doyoung,,,,,,,,

and ur like ten come with m-

but then u hear the familiar voice of johnny calling ten over and ten is like id love to but i gtg and johnny comes jogging over like whats going on

and ten is like “they’re going on a blind date~ except it’s not blind im hooking them up with doyoung”

and you’re like TEN I SWEAR TO GOD WHAT DID U JUST SAY

and johnny is like HEY cool doyoung and you would look cu-

and ur like so red u can feel it like a damn sunburn on ur face and ur like stomping away before johnny can finish

shaking your head and ten is just like LOVE WILL BLOSSOM

but ur just likea mess in ur head because this dumb speech,,,,dumb ten,,,,dumb e m o t i o n s because once u come to terms with the fact that u have to see doyoung

like up close ,,,, and personal,,,,,,,,,,

ur heart cant stop doing leaps,,,,,,,,,,how c*rny 

and 7 comes around much faster than expected and you’re in the library,,,,sure that doyoung wont be there right on time-

but he is,,,,,of course he is

and he’s sitting there,,,,,striped button down,,,,neatly laid out notebook and pen,,,,,,pretty side profile as he looks over something on is phone,,,,and wow his hands,,,fingers so long and pretty

ok snap out of it cmon

and somehow you manage to force yourself to go over there,,,,,doyoung looks up and you feel your legs turn to jello as he smiles and stands up as well putting his hand out to shake yours and introduce himself

LIKE you don’t know who he is but u stummer out ur own response and doyoung sits back down and puts his hands together and is like well! speech writing is tough but ive given a couple of them so i think i can be of use to u!

and ur like,,,,,not even sure what to say because what the HECK he makes u so nervous and its like chill he’s just another person,,,,a goofy person according to ten,,,,,,,,

but doyoung just smiles kindly and goes “is there anything you specifically need help with?”

and before you can even think you just blurt out; “ i can’t,,,,,,,,,talk”

and doyoung blinks but lets out a small laugh,,,,covering his mouth with his hand and he’s like “well yes you can, you just did. also,,,”

he leans over the table a bit and ur heart literally goes ! and he motions to his lips and he’s like “you have a mouth, and you can make noise, so i think you’re good on that. any other problems?”

and you’re like,,,,,dsfklsf,,,,,,,,, “i,,,,i just cant do it in front of people,,,,,lots of people.”

doyoung sits back and with a knowing nod says that that is a problem for a lot of people,,,,,but that instead of worrying about that you should first work on writing the speech

embarrassingly you admit that you havent and doyoung just grins and is like that’s why im here to help, so tell me about your class

and yes,,,,you’re nervous,,,,,but doyoung somehow makes it really easy for you to explain what you want to do because he’s ,,,,, just so good at making things understandable

and he’s ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, sweet

a part of you had always just assumed he’d be the kind of straightforward, blunt, cold kind of personality

but even with his slight jokes and his corrections and critique like,,,,doyoung isn’t mean or even off-putting

and your nervousness isn’t about asking him for help or even the speech anymore,,,,,it’s more of just,,,,,,,,,,,that feeling of a crush,,,,

when it hits ten though doyoung apologizes and says he has to go because of another late study group he has and you shake your head telling him he’s helped you aLOT

but before he leaves he pulls out a page from his book and hands it to you,,,,on it is his email and cell and he’s like send me your speech and ill look it over and we can decide another time to meet to talk about it

and ur so,,,,shocked you go “you- this isn’t a one time thing?” and doyoung grins again,,,,,,,,,that smile of his,,,,,,,,,,,and he’s like “did ten tell you im some kind of flake? really,,,,that guy,,,,,of course it isn’t a one time thing i said im going to help, right?”

and you want to tell him that no no ten has only said that he’s great,,,but you’re still shy and doyoungs smile and kindness is making it even harder to respond 

before you know it doyoung is halfway out of the library, turning to wave and you’re so caught up that when you lift your hand to wave back he’s gone

and you mumble to yourself that you forgot to thank him,,,,,,you really should

ofc the next day ten practically forces you to sit down and tell him e v e r y last detail and you’re like he,,,,,,,,,,,,,,doyoung is nice

and ten is like I TOLD YOU he can be a pain in the ass with his sarcastic comments but he has a good heart

and ur like,,,,,,,,,,,,ten and ten is like hmm and ur like ten i think ive always had a crush on him like those ‘ill admire u from afar kinda things but ten,,,,oh my god i think i might start liking him seriously if he really is this sweet”

and ten damn near spits out his iced coffee but he just grabs your hands and is like YESSSSS I HAVE AWAITED THIS MOMENT 

and you’re like wkfgfjr what and he’s like please ur lil crush was more than obvious but wow,,,,,,,,,,,a love on campus,,,,,a tutor and his student,,,,,,,,just like a drama i love it

and ur like ten please its not like he’ll like me - and ten is just like shh we just need to wait and see

and,,,,doyoung follows up on his promise. even in his tight schedule he finds the time to sit down and read over your speech and send you edits or meet up in person to talk

sure a couple of times you’ve had to meet him in the city at one of his internships,,,,,once you had to come over to the orchestra recital hall to talk to him,,,,,,then there was that time you meet outside a hospital???? that apparently doyoung’s brother was working in

and ,,,,, every time doyoung never failed to show you how much he was putting effort into really helping you

from having you read out loud to him and telling you ways to get over nervousness to fixing small grammar errors and helping with vocabulary

you could really see,,,,,,his intellect and social skills and,,,there probably isn’t anyone better on campus to help you than him

and finally as the date of your speech approaches doyoung suggests reading the speech in front of him and a couple of friends

so you end up all cramped into a small study room,,,,doyoung, ten, johnny, taeyong, yuta, winwin, taeil, mark, haechan, and jaehyun,,,,,and ur hands are shaking a bit 

but doyoung reaches out,,,smiling and somehow your body calms down and you go through your whole speech without a single mistake and doyoung is just like wah,,,,do you all see this??? my work has paid off,,,,,,they’re perfect!

and he gets up throwing an arm around you and pulling you into his side

and ten winks and ur like GFgFDSS

but,,,,,,,when you look up to see doyoung looking so happy you can’t help but feel that being right there beside him,,,,,,is a spot you want to keep

the day of your speech doyoung sends you a text of encouragement,,,,,a picture of him giving you the thumbs up too and you smile and go into class much more confident than you ever thought you’d be

,,,,,,the speech,,,,,,it’s great

you do so well you even manage to surprise your teacher and when you’re out you practically skip out of class,,,,taking your phone out to text doyoung that you did it!!! you got the A!!!!!

but,,,,,when you meet up with ten later he kind of bites back his lip when you bring up doyoung because apparently,,,,,,,he’s not feeling to good

and you’re like he’s sick??? and ten sighs and is like,,,no it’s just he has this really big speech of his own coming up,,,,it’s for his brothers alumni party,,,,,,,,,he said it wasn’t going to stress him but it turns out a couple of law school recruiters are going to be there so it’s messing a bit with his confidence

and you frown,,,,knowing doyoung,,,,,you’ve never seen him falter in his self worth and you decide that he helped you so you’re going to go help him

so with ten’s instructions you find yourself in front of doyoungs dorm,,,,a box of white chocolate cake,,,,,,and your heart going a thousand miles an hour

and you knock only to hear some kind of noise from the inside and the door opening by itself

and you can see doyoung’s shoulders hunched over at his desk and quietly you let yourself be known,,,,doyoung turning around in his chair,,,,bags under his eyes and you’re like “ten,,,,,told me about your speech” and he just waves his hand as if to brush it off

and is like “what about you - did it go well?” and you wonder ,,, maybe he didn’t look at his phone,,,,,,didn’t see your text so you nod and you’re like i couldn’t have done it without you

and doyoung smiles but its small and wavering and you’re like “doyoung,,,,,i ,,,,,i want to thank you for being there for me and helping me,,,,,,, i,,,,,,”

a sudden surge of adrenaline makes you stand a little straighter and you can’t believe you’re going to say this but you do

“and i was wondering if we could go ,,,,out ,,,,,on a date,,,,,sometime,,,”

you open your mouth to say that you’ll even treat since he’s given you so much of his time but doyoung’s eyes darken

and before you can he goes “im sorry. school will always come first for me.”

it’s not,,,,,a harsh rejection or anything,,,,,,,,,it isn’t even unexpected

but doyoung’s voice sounds so cold and heavy that you cant help but feel choked up,,,,,rather than that embarrassed too,,,,,and you look at him

doyoungs eyes shifting to the cake in your hands and then back to your face,,,but for the first time he doesn’t look you in the eyes

instead he turns back in his chair, tells you he needs to go back to preparing and that if you could close the door tightly on your way out that’d be good

you,,,,,don’t budge for a moment but when you come to you drop the cake on his bed and mumble out “it’s for you.” and do as you’re told, leaving the dorm eyes wet with tears

and ten doesn’t believe you when you tell him it,,,,,,,, he says that doesnt sound like doyoung,,,,,like yes he’s always putting school first and whatnot but doyoung would never,,,,,,,,,he’d never be so curt

but you just tell ten that there isn’t any use in lying,,,,,,,what would doyoung find in you anyway and ten seems ready to lecture you again but the look on your face makes him stop

and you tell ten that it doesn’t matter,,,,,,, a crush isn’t anything anyway

the rest of the month goes by slowly,,, you still have lots of your own work to concentrate on and you don’t think about the unanswered text from doyoung 

you try not to at least,,, ,and your other friends distract you,,,, ten does his best too and you’re happy even though seeing doyoung on campus still makes your heart sink

but you don’t expect that you’d be sitting in study hall one interview and you’d get a call from ten 

“can you come down to outside the main faculty building? doyoung - just come ok?”

confused you pack your things and make way to the big building at the end of the campus ,,,,, when you call ten and text him where he is there isn’t any response and you furrow your eyebrows wondering what the hell this is about

until the door opens and you turn “ten what the he-”

doyoung’s tall, lean frame comes stumbling toward you,,,,exhaustion and sadness apparent in his face

and you barely get your arms out in time to catch him 

the warmth of his face against your neck makes your body react and quietly as he stands there in your arms you ask whats going on

and doyoung doesn’t say much,,,face rubbing slightly against your neck and you don’t know what you should do 

finally he pulls back and you reach up to fix the hair thats gotten into his eyes

doyoung takes your hand though and while looking at you goes; “i was wrong.”

and you’re like ???? about what

doyoung doesn’t look like he has the words yet and he can’t say anything because the door opens and for the first time before you is gong myung

“doyoung, the speech-”

you look at him,,,doyoungs eyes squeezing shut and he’s like “brother i can-”

but you just grab his shoulders and smile at gong myung telling him doyoung will be back in a couple of minutes

slightly confused gong myung disappears back inside and you realize that this is the big alumni speech ten had told you about and you’re like “doyoung,,,,c’mon you’re the one who told me that i can,,,,i can because i can speak and i have a mouth right - so do you doyoung you’re the most eloquent person i have ever met what is going-”

your paused with the feeling of doyoung’s lips on yours,,,unmoving he stays like that for a while and your mind blanks

doyoung pulls back only to tell you that it’s not the speech,,,it’s the thoughts ,,,,, the thoughts about you

about how he blamed school just because he was too scared to just say yes,,,,

and you’re not sure what - but then it hits u and you’re like,,,,,,,,doyoung,,,,,,,,nOW iS NOT tHE T ime TO WORRY ABOUT thAT

and doyoung is like !?@#@?#$? but i was so mean i did want to go on that date wit-

and you’re like OK COOL WE WILL BUT SERIOUSLY ARE YOU BEATING YOURSELF UP OVER THAT 

and doyoung is like yES I THOUGHT I HURT YOU

and you’re like PLEASE ITS FINE NOW JUST FORGET IT AND GO UP THERE AND MAKE YOUR BROTHER PROUD

doyoung’s face brightens,,,,,the sparkle in his eyes returns and you shake your head because god ten was right this,,,,this boy really is kind,,,,,,even behind that constant confidence and laugh,,,he really thinks about the people around him

and doyoung is like i can do it. im gonna go in there and kill that speech.

and you’re like YES you will!!!! i believe in you!!!!

giving a little fist pump doyoung grins and turns to the door,,,only to spin on his heel back to you

holding your face with both his hands and kissing you once more before disappearing back inside

you wait a bit and your phone goes off with just a winky emoji from ten and you’re like huh but the doors open again and doyoung comes running out

arms engulfing you in another hug that leaves you blushing when he pulls back and behind him is a smug looking nct ,,,,, esp ten whose face basically screaming: I SAID SOOO

but also gong myung,,,, and you take like three steps away from doyoung because igflkdfsd skinship in front of his brother no no no

and gong myung is like “is this the person who made my brother such a mess?” and you’re like,,,,,,,,oh my god how do i answer that

and doyoung is like “dont make me bring up your significant other from high school brother.” and gong myung is like WELL I HAVE TO GO NOW

and doyoung comes closer and is like “so,,,,about that date? are you free now?”

and you’re like akjsfdf shouldnt you go with your brother and all the important alumn-

and doyoung shrugs and is like “i think my speech blew them away, now i have to mysteriously disappear and keep them guessing - right?”

you almost outright roll your eyes at the thought but also,,,,,you ARE free,,,,,,so,,,,,

taeyong as he watches you and doyoung giggling together: thank god he found someone to distract him

ten: i agree,,,,but also isn’t seeing him happy making you kinda happy ;)

taeyong: suddenly i cant read and i must go bye

anyway doyoung and you go grab some drinks and take a walk at a nearby park,,,,,even though it’s simple it’s kind of the perfect first date

doyoung insists that he’ll take you somewhere better but he needs time to plan and you’re like it’s ok,,,,these kinds of things are my favorite

and he smiles a bit and you’re like,,,,you’re thinking of something arent you?

and reaching out for your hand doyoung whispers “these kinds of things,,,,,,like just being by each others side?”

and you bite back your lip,,, stuttering because,,,,,,,ok,,,,,,,how can he just boldly say that?!?!?!

but doyoung finds it adorable and pulls you closer and is like “i like it too, i like having you here. when you weren’t around anymore,,,,,,it felt,,,,,empty.”

and ok ten is like,,,,,,,,,he is your biggest fan he literally sits you and doyoung down the next day and is like “i bless this marriage” “ten we aren’t-” “i bless this marriage but doyoung oh my god if you do anything to hurt them i will personally shave your head in your sleep and leak every video i have of you singing in the shower do not test me.”

but everyone else is happy too,,,,,yuta is like DAMN i didnt expect this and doyoung is like why not and yuta is like because you’re so uptight about everything. mr school is my life. mr school is my significant other. mr. school and i kissed for the first ti-

doyoung with his hand over yutas mouth: we geT IT narcisist nakamoto 

the only normal one about the situation is taeil but he’s also like be careful doyoung is sly~ a real playboy~

and you’re like really?!??!

and winwin is like yEAH all the old ladies from the campus cafeteria say hes the perfect son in law. he has all of them swooned.

you; oh. you meant that kind of playboy LOL

doyoung is,,,,everything you expect him to be as a boyfriend: caring, and helpful

but,,,,also too caring + helpful sometimes with the way he keeps shrugging off his blazer or cardigan to throw around your shoulders because the library is cold or switching out your soda for water because we need to stay healthy

but he’s doing it from a place of love,,,he really is

teaches you note taking tricks and when he takes you supply shopping he’s like “you are super special to me which is why im telling you where to get the best highlighters in seoul and you cannot tell ANYONE. A N  Y O N E.”

doyoung’s fashion sense doesn’t change,,,, not even on dates to the movies or amusement parks or the beach

like you and the guys planned to do some night time fireworks and everyone showed up in basically their pajamas but doyoung? nope. the oxfords were still on,,,,,even in the goddamn sand

but doyoung,,,, is the life of the party he really makes everyone laugh and you,,,,,,,,get to have inside jokes with him

that always leave you laughing till your stomach hurts and doyoung has to pull you into his lap and apologize and ur like ,,,babe im not just laughing because it’s FUNNY and he’s like YES but im too funny. im too powerful. you need to control me

and you’re like blushing and somewhere johnny is probably like “i taught him that” JKJK 

doesn’t look like the type but is totally a late-night snacker

you two will sometimes meet just to eat convenience store bread and chips and talk about how college is the WORST with your legs entwined on the bench outside of the law department

and it’s like midnight no one is on campus but you and doyoung are perfectly ok in the dark munching away your problems together

doyoung thinks flowers are the most romantic thing and if he ever goes into the city and comes back he always comes back with flowers

and they’re different every time and you always get shy when he gives them to you because everyone around you is like ooooooo and doyoung is so proud of himself and you,,,,just melt how is he so cute

once,,,just to see his reaction,,, you brought him flowers and you gave them to him after class and it was his turn to get all shy and it was the best moment ever

you made taeil record the whole thing and whenever doyoung gets cheeky you just bring up the video and you’re like look. look here. you’re a giant cute baby dont even argue. look ur ears turned cherry red

isn’t a big clothing sharer but he wears glasses when studying sometimes so you steal them every now and then to wear and ,,,, doyoung thinks you look so cute in them that he just lets it happen tbh

sometimes though he’ll start an argument over it just to be like “let’s settle it with a tickle fight”,,,,,he just wants to tickle you tbh

doyoung sometimes narrates what you do to make you blush like if you’re doing some work on your laptop he’ll be like “and they look at the screen,,,concentrated,,,focused,,,looking hot and smart. i would kiss them if they weren’t so busy,,,” and it gets u everytime 

because you turn to look at him and doyoung leans over to get a kiss and ur like AH IM TRYING TO WORK and doyoung is like well switch of your cuteness then i cannot help myself 

sometimes he talks to himself and you love it like you love doyoungs voice so much,,,,

like when u just had a crush you thought it was nice but now it’s just music to your ears honestly

has pet names for you and calls you them in public because doyoung likes to show of your relationship

not corny enough for couple sweaters or anything but couple phone wallpapers are a must

admitted that he said to one of his professors that ever since he fell in love he’s kind of grown an interest in romantic novels and you’re like wait wait fell in love 

and doyoung is like yeah,,,,,i love you,,,is that not obvious?

and you almost fell out of your chair,,,, but,,,, you love him too of course,,,

you always tell his not to cover his laugh because he has a habit of putting his hand in front of is mouth and you’re like,,,,,,,,i love your smile and laugh dont hide it

and doyoung ,,,,, when you compliment him its like the whole world is just the two of you and doyoung just wants to hold you in his arms because ugh he loves you so damn much

doyoung is a good talker but he’s an even better kisser

and kisses turn from innocent pecks on each others lips while you’re over at his dorm to full blow make outs with doyoungs big hands under your shirt

and the books thrown off his desk,,,him standing between your legs and the feeling of your lip between his teeth,,,,

doyoung does have a soft spot,,,his spine,,,,and when you settle kisses down it it makes him shiver and he becomes so cutely submissive,,,,,

sometimes you’ll sneak up from behind and kiss right below the back of his neck and seriously doyoung almost faints LOL

he likes to cook for you if he has time,,,,he cant cook a lot but he has some dishes and also he looks so cute because he always hums to himself and its just,,,,,,,,,so nice and sweet of him

you guys vibe so well with each other that just walking around for hours without going anywhere is exciting for you two

just looking at the scenery, holding hands, and talking,,,,,makes you two happy

ten tells doyoung that you used to think he was stoic and mean and ur like tEN and doyoung is like really?????? do you still think that??? do you not love me???

and you have to kiss him like 9403 times before he stops whining and bringing it up and ur like side eyeing ten for this whose just like WHAT I THOUGHT HE SHOULD KNOW

plays his flute when he’s stressed and you keep pestering him to teach you but seriously ever since you started dating its too hard to do anything when you’re around each other because you’re both so in love that it just turns mushy and its like yes teach me how to play the flute but also come here and cuddle me kinda situation

 taeyong secretly misses all of doyoungs attention but at the same time he thinks you make doyoung a lot brighter and better and hes thankful,,,,,,,,,like really thankful

doyoung is the kind of boyfriend who when you trip over something he doesnt hide laughter but he helps you back up and scolds the twig you tripped over for hurting you LOL 

taeyong | yuta | bangtan | vixx | monsta x | got7 + kard + amber | seventeen | 

[muffin--stuffin]

Traveling

I'm sorry if this doesnt make a whole lot of sense but i'm just going to brain dump.

You know, all my life i felt like i was watching time pass, always waiting for something better. It was always: next month ill do this, next year ill do that, when i graduate ill be able to do this ... and so on. I kept realizing that i kept waiting for things to get better rather than taking those strides myself, i always felt i was subjected to a clock or a calendar or an agenda that someone else made for me. These past few years, and it certainly wasn’t instant, i’ve been making huge steps to take control of my life. I've been going out with me, taking myself to restaurants, movies, events, initiating making plans with friends. And through all that i really learned more about myself, who am i, what i like, and how i want to be treated. And when i learned more about myself i stopped letting myself be treated in shitty ways.

Only when I cut off people who were treating me poorly did i learn that what they were doing wasn't love like they said, but their own faults and shortcomings that they need to deal with. I became so much happier when i took control of how i was being treated. And honestly the more control i take of my life, the more happier i get. People who didn’t deserve my love, kindness, or patience lost out and i put that energy into people who love me well in return.

One of the biggest steps i’ve been taking is travelling more. Meeting and learning about new people who grew up differently from you really helps you grow as a person. And all around the world you’ll meet good and bad people.

I’ve traveled twice now by myself, and both times at the end i’ve felt sad. However, as i sit here on a plane reflecting on both trips i can honestly say that they were two very different kinds of sadness.

Without going into too much detail both trips were incredible in the sense of gaining new experiences and having fun, you know i love travelling. But the first trip ended with a sadness of realization that i wasnt happy with how my life was, the people i was with, the relationships we had were hollowness being held together on by a thread, it didnt have a sturdy base, i was homesick, tired, and most unfortunately, i felt lonely around people who said they loved me, and that was a big realization for me. I changed a lot of my life up again.

The bad experiences i had i don't regret tho, i learned a lot from it. And im learning during my good experiences too, so next:

Vegas.

Man lets talk about vegas, what a way to spend a weekend.  B was there and the opprtunity presented itself to go, so i bought a ticket thursday and flew out after working overnight into friday. Man was i so sleep deprived that day lmao. I think i woke up at 2 pm after working wed night, bought a ticket, packed my bags, and went to work thursday. Went home friday morning and dealt with delays, couldnt sleep on the plane and arrived in vegas at like 9pm (12 am east) punk ass time difference >:(. But after getting off that plane a second wind got me, we went out late at night, went to a club, made connections with fun people, went to bed at like 4 am. That night club was jewel, we got in for free and finagled some drinks. Never, ever drink AMF, regardless of what some girl is tryna tell u when ur already sloppy drunk, its worst than long island. Ive never been so drunk before hahah so honestly i dont really remember that night. But i think we had the best pizza ever at a place called eataly.

Saturday!! First full day in Vegas, and boy did i luck out, not on slots tho (i lost so much money gambling) and its probably because i used all my luck finding PG. Not til later tho. Saturday i walked all around sober, found some amazing sushi for the lads and just felt free. It was incredible, the views, the freedom, the exploration. That’s one of my favorite parts of travelling, feeling so free and small in such a big world. Later was the meet up, and i was nervous, of course, but like i felt so comfortable immediately. That night was a lot of fun, i think like 6 of us went out but... as i sit here writing this, i kinda realized that i don’t want to write everything out to the public. The memories we all made together  are special to us and not for the world to know. They are memories that i'm going to cherish and they belong to us. In both a group setting and especially one on one time i spent with my friends, i was so, so happy. & you know what happens in vegas ..stays in vegas 😆

But one of the main points to this was to talk about my emotions about leaving vegas, so i will touch on that. So as quick as it came, as quick as it left unfortunately..

Leaving vegas - i’m sad but for a happier reason, i dont want to leave quite yet, this feelings getting cut short. Like friday and saturday i was having the time of my life, sunday was amazing, but then i kinda got hit with a wave. I caught myself not being me and it was because im going to miss the people i met, the times we had, and the friends we made. But it was hard, i really had to catch myself being lame for a while, and i felt like i was wasting the lil time we had. How sad is that? And then i felt guilty for being a little different and bummed out.

But you know what, I think there's something tragically beautiful about being sad at the end of a vacation. It means you were having an amazing time and you don't want the memories to end, but it also means you're afraid of the future. I don't want to be scared that life will get worse or im bound to be just some fuck up.

And idk maybe we used eachother as a weekend escape from our lives, but holy shit PG i wish you knew your worth because you're incredible, and i regret not making it clear. I feel like you were a little anxious about showing us the best around vegas but cmon.. i loved your company when we werent doing anything. But why was i sad and fearful? Maybe i'm afraid that all we had was that short time limit, but if all we were was an expiration date, why did it feel you've belonged in a space near me as if you had it our whole lives? Maybe it was fate but I'll also choose not to believe that you were only worth a time limit. I am so tired of this looming shadow that someone else has created over me that people are temporary in my life until i screw things up. I hate how engrained these two have put it into my head that i dont deserve this. I dont want to believe that people who are making me happy in the present arent going to last. You know i'll take control of this part of my life. Yeah im sad im leaving but ive been creating this life for me where im so fortunate to have friends that are just the best. I shouldnt be afraid or sad that something like this wont happen again, because it will. Honestly, maybe i dont deserve them but i know one thing, is that i want to make them happy.

And B man you've had a tough month and you're staying really strong. I hope im doing something okay that helps you through these shitty times you're going through. You're an amazing friend and i wish you would find a happiness in yourself and your friends. I notice you've been trying to stay strong but i hope you're not letting it eat you away, im really happy you've been confiding ur feelings to me because i know it's tough. Stay strong bruther. It just breaks my heart seeing when you’re sad