#LILY WHY I THOUGHT U LOVED ME WHY DO U HURT ME LIKE THIS

[daniellesimagines]

He’s With Us (Michael Clifford) *

submitted by @palayeeeroyale

Warnings: Mention of domestic abuse and child abuse

~

You and Michael had been together for a while – been with each other for five years, married for about one and a half. With that amount of time, the mentioning of children had come up quite a few times. Both you and Michael were all for it, excited to raise a child together.

The first time the mention of raising kids was brought up, you told him that you wanted to adopt. You were perfectly capable of having children of your own – there was no problem of you being able to get pregnant – you just had always wanted to adopt a child rather than going through labor. Michael wasn’t on board at first, but once you told him that there are many orphaned and/or homeless children around the globe and that you wanted to be able to give at least one of them a home, he was all for it.

This led you to a local foster home, where the foster mother was a good friend of yours. After looking through multiple files, you two fell in love with a 6-year-old boy named Matias. He had dark chocolate hair, the most beautiful set of green eyes, and an adorable smile that showed a gap between his two front teeth. You told your friend you were interested in adopting this boy. She told you that he comes from a dark past, so don’t ask him about it and just wait for him to tell you.

You did the whole process of adoption – having someone at your house and interviewing you two to see if you were able to raise a child, meeting the young boy to see if he liked you two (which he did), making a room and buying everything to go into it, filling out all the papers: the whole nine yards. Once the process was complete, you were finally able to say that you had a family. You took the boy home, showed him around, and started your life as a mom with a family.

All that leads to today: a few weeks after Matt’s first day home. You and your husband had had some tension between you two all day and, after you put Matias to sleep, you and Michael went at each other’s throats. 

The two of you just let out all your stress and frustrations out on one another verbally. It didn’t register to either of you how loud you were being, nor had either of you noticed the little 6-year-old on the staircase. He was getting really scared by the yelling, having a Pavlovian response to it. He had silent tears coming down his face, and he knew he had to stop it. 

He didn’t want you to go to away like his first mommy.

Both of you were startled by the sudden “NO!” coming from behind Michael. Before he could even process what had just happened, he felt tiny hands try to shove him away from you. Though the boy was small, the shock of what just happened caused Michael to take a few steps backwards. Matias then wrapped his short arms as tight as he could around your waist, shaking and crying. You picked him up and he clung to you like a koala would a tree.

“Hey, baby, shh… What’s wrong, love?” you try to coax him into calming down, but your words fell on deaf ears.

“Bud-“ Michael stepped toward you and the child, but was only met with more screaming.

“NO, DON’T HURT HER!” He yells, clinging even tighter. Michael froze, afraid to move or speak. He felt useless but, more than anything, he was confused – why would Matt think he was gonna hurt you?

“Baby, Mikey wasn’t gonna hurt me…” you reassure, walking him over to the couch so you could see him better.

“B-but h-he-he was y-yelling, an-and-” he blubbered, unable to get words out properly.

“Mikey yells all the time, buddy,” Michael says, “He’s very loud – even when he’s happy-” He tries to get him to smile. Matias giggles a bit, letting Michael try again at moving closer. This time, the child let him. “-but that doesn’t mean he’s gonna hurt Y/N. I love Y/N so much, and I would never, ever, hurt her on purpose.” Michael squats beside the couch, laying his chin on the armrest and stroking his back while he sits in your lap, laying his head on your chest. 

You three sit in silence for a few minutes, wondering why would he ever think that Michael would do such a thing? Until it finally dawned on you.

“Matty…?” you said gently, and he sat up and looked at you, “Did your old daddy hit your mommy…?” Michael’s eyes widened at the realization – he hadn’t even thought about that, but it makes much more sense now that you’ve mentioned it. The boy looks down at his lap and nods slowly.

“My first daddy would yell at my mommy. And whenever he yelled, he hurt her too,” he explained, “He wouldn’t hurt me because Mommy told him not to. Mommy told me to hide when Daddy was drinking his grown-up juice. Then the policeman told me that Mommy went to heaven.” You and Michael looked at each other. 

“How… Do you know why she went to heaven…?” he hesitantly asked him.

“Umm… I remember another policeman saying a big word about my mommy, but I don’t know what it means. S-… s-su-… soo-… su-“

“…suicide?” Michael hesitantly finished.

“Yeah, that word! What does it mean?” he looked at the both of you curiously. Michael looked at the young child with sadness in his eyes, and you did the same.

“We’ll tell you when you’re a bit older,” he says as he continues to stroke his back. By now, his crying had calmed down as he told the story of his life before the Clifford household. “Hey, Buddy…” Michael went on carefully, “D-Did…your daddy hurt you after your mummy went away…?”

Matias slowly nodded, giving you the answer that the both of you were afraid of. You sat there with tears running down your face at the poor boy’s story, and you could see that Michael was trying to hold it together as well. 

“Well, Buddy, I promise you that I will never hurt you or Y/N,” Michael promised, “I love you so much and I will protect you from anything that tries to hurt either of you.”

“More than pizza?” the child’s eyes widened. Michael chuckled at his comment.

“I love you more than all the pizza in the world,” he told him. Matias gasped and immediately hugged his neck.

“That’s a whole lot of love!” Both you and Michael laughed.

“Alright, baby,” you finally spoke again, “Let’s get you back in bed, huh?” You kissed his temple before Michael picked him up off of your lap. You both walked to his room and tucked him into bed.

“How about tomorrow, we go to the mall and pick you out some toys?” Michael suggested, “This room is seriously lacking in stuffies.” The boy’s eyes widened and he excitedly nodded, before rubbing his eyes and yawning. “Alright, bud, sleep well.” He kissed his forehead and you did the same.

“Goodnight, Mommy. Goodnight, Daddy.” He said as he fell asleep. Both of you smiled at the phrase, happy that he was comfortable enough to call you his parents. You followed Michael to your son’s door and slowly shut it behind you.

The two of you stood silently out in the hallway for a moment, just looking at each other. Michael held out his hand for you to take, and led you to your shared room. He took off his pants and glasses, and laid down in bed with you as you curled into his chest. 

Suddenly, you started crying onto his collarbone. You were silent about it, apart from the sniffles – which were what gave it away that you were upset.

“Hey, don’t cry, princess,” Michael cooed gently, “He’s okay now; He’s with us.” 

You didn’t say anything, you just continued to let the tears fall. He rubbed your back as he said no more, just trying to lull you to sleep. 

Eventually, the crying tired you out and you were unconscious. Michael let one tear fall as well, before falling asleep next to you.