#LITERALLY the only reason why i made an insta account. i dont even use it.

[relaxingifs]

friendship ended with instagram, now i use pexels to find videos to gif

[petewentzisblack1312]

i wanna talk a little bit about the shitty comments ive gotten over on tiktok because ive gotten my fair share and theres not really a wider message other than "black people are traumatized constantly for the crime of existing" and because this often feels like a thankless task but thats in part because i dont talk about the bad parts at all and people mistakenly think everyone is as lovely and as willing to learn as they are. make no mistake i absolutely love those of you who are grateful for the work i do but many people like, personally hate me for the work i do.

a classic is the guy who tried to convince me that wyclef jean is a pop producer as opposed to a dancehall producer brought onto pop songs to make them more dancehall, and also tried to convince me that poly styrene didnt ever talk about race or being black, and then followed that up with just. straight up inaccurate racist dogwhistling. he was like "blacks commit most of the crimes" which is patently false and we literally were not talking about crime. he just. brought that into the convo for no reason.

theres the guy whos entire argument was "you maybe made a slight error kinda and youre just saying inflammatory stuff out of context" despite the fact that a good portion of my page is dedicated to adding the fucking context. and then ended it with a death threat asking me how much cyanide itd take to poison me and my neighbours.

then theres the most recent asshole, a british imperialist who found a video where i said we (the english caribbean) want our money back before arguing that 1) england didnt take any money from us and they established our country so we should be grateful and 2) after i explained that they kidnapped us he responded with the misrepresentation that we werent kidnapped and were sold by other africans which for starters, slavery in africa was not chattel slavery and furthermore, after they realised what chattel slavery was, they stopped trading with europeans. and then they kidnapped us. which there are multiple accounts of. like he just didnt know shit about the transatlantic slave trade and was just repeating a gotcha style fun fact and that one made me so damn mad because we have to learn so much about their shit for brains country and they dont even learn what they did to us.

lets also throw in the racial gaslighting ive experienced from 21/p fans, some of which youve seen but which also happens on tiktok and instagram, even on videos i only commented in agreement of. some highlights include being told reverse racism is real (excellent company) and also what is still the funniest thing i have ever seen, someone telling me they were the first to speak out during the protests only for their example to be them posting a black square on insta. the jokes write themselves.

also the response to me saying anything negative about anyone ever is a rumour constantly used to discourage black alt kids in the scene having anyone to look up to despite the fact that its not true and actively damages the person involved and there are plenty people in the scene who have done worse than that and yet we havent held them to account. literally just to ruin my day. not even bc they care about her, just cuz they think itll hurt.

im sharing these just to kinda illuminate the way being openly black is discouraged, which is why when you get the opportunity, you should encourage it. not just righteous anger, but innocent joy too. it may not be for you, but you are a member of this community, and sharing black joy is the best way to make sure its seen by the people who need it. note: black joy is not only black people being happy, but also black people being happy while being black. talking about and enjoying black culture and black identity and black beauty and blackness. it may not be for you, but why not signal boost? being in the minority means its harder for things to spread. help us find each other.

anyway. just wanted to share. these things happen, and i think its unhealthy to pretend they dont hurt too.

[intoafandom]

Why I like Kevan Miller, Steven Kampfer, Trent Frederic, Torey Krug, Tuukka Rask etc and why I will continue to like them.

(Sorry this is soooo long but it’s the only way I can explain)

So last night I got an anon ask and the person was asking why I like Kevan Miller when he’s a republican and I mentioned how I would make a separate post explaining my reasoning better and now that I have the time and its no longer 3 am, now seems like a good time lol.

So I’m gunna give a backstory about the players above that I mentioned and why a lot of bruinsblr doesn’t like them (so people that may not be aware know the context of why people are upset/dont like them). Most of bruinsblr doesn’t like Miller or Kampfer because they’re republicans. Everyone on bruinsblr is allowed to dislike them if they choose to. I recognize I’m in the minority on this app when I say I like and support Kevan Miller and Steven Kampfer. People on here also don’t like Torey Krug for the same reason and because he follows/followed Trump’s twitter account (since trumps account got deleted, torey now follows the “trump archives” account). People on here don’t like Tuukka anymore because over the summer, during all the blm stuff in the bubble, Tuukka went on tv in the bubble for an interview with a hat that said “Boston police” on it (the interview also aired right after the Bruins Organization posted about how they stand against racism, so people ended up calling Tuukka a racist hypocrite.) Last night, people on here found out that Trent Frederic follows Trump supporters and republicans on social media, which is why he’s losing some fans on this app. There are probably more stories about other players that I’m not aware of as well but these will be the ones I’m focusing on for now.

I am NOT going to start talking about my political opinions or my position on social issues. My account is called IntoAFandom for a REASON. So I can escape the real world and go “into a fandom” and have some peace. That’s why i never reblog or like or post about any real world events or issues. I want my blog to be solely about things, fandoms, and people that I love and care about. I don’t wanna come on my blog and see how a bombing happened or if someone got shot or this president signed this executive order etc etc. i wanna come on my blog and fangirl about Bucky Barnes being a sweetheart with kids or how amazing Matt Grzelcyk is at “tight turns” etc etc. Hence the name “IntoAFandom.”

I’m getting a lot of questions as to why I still support these players and I’ll definitely answer those questions in this post. Just so my mutuals know where I stand on this.

Now obviously it would be super easy for me to just go “well the player is super nice so i dont care about their political views.” And while that’s partially true for me, its not the only reason. For me, the reason is much deeper than that. I’ve never mentioned or talked about or even said it out loud. I touched upon what I’m about to say in that anon ask I got last night, but I’m going to go into detail now. It’s kind of hard to explain and the only way I can describe it is to tell you about my hockey journey up until this point, and specifically the 2018-19 season.

So one day in April in 2018, I was on school vacation and I was very bored. There was literally nothing on tv. However, as I was scrolling through the channels, I saw that a bruins game was on. I had never really watched hockey before in my life and the only experience I could remember having with it was when my mom was obsessed with them in like 2013 and how she set up this whole contraption to try and watch a game when a snowstorm made us lose connection. So with nothing else on the tv, crippling boredom, and being a Massachusetts native, I put the game on. It was literally just starting and the national anthem was about to start. We were playing the leafs lmao and it was game five or six of the series probably. I cant really remember because I didn’t think I would care this much about hockey at the time of watching it. But what I do remember was how CREEPY Tuukka looked😂 He was just standing there alone with a huge spotlight on him, head down, wearing these huge pads and looking straight up terrifying. I literally started laughing because of how creepy he looked. And then he put his cool ass mask on and right there I knew he was my favorite player. And to this day he is still my favorite. Tuukka was the first hockey player I EVER knew and could remember by name. I gotta admit, at first I thought his name was “Tuuk Arask” because that’s what it sounded like whenever the announcers would say it, specifically Jack Edwards lol. But then I was like “wait is it Arask or Rask” and after looking at his jersey like 3 games later I finally realized it was actually Rask lol. And I was like “Tuukka Rask. So freaking creepy lol. He’s my favorite.” I also have to mention that I’ve always been a sucker for people that play positions that no one else wants to play. Like for example, when I first started watching football in like 2014, my first ever favorite player was Stephen Gostkowski because he was the kicker. He was super good and he was instantly my fav. That’s what Tuukka was like for me. This huge, tall ass, creepy ass, goalie who was playing super well. How could i NOT like him. I didn’t really bother to learn any other players on the bruins team since they got eliminated in the second round. I remember saying to my mom “I don’t want them to be out. I wanna learn more.” I wanted to know more about the game and 6 games, or however many it was, wasn’t enough. So for some reason, I followed them throughout the offseason and in late September/early October I started watching a ton of their older games on YouTube. Not super old obviously, but games from like 2013-2017 ish. Just whatever I could find. And it was so interesting. I tried to only watch games where they actually won so I wasn’t wasting my time lol, but not having to worry about the score helped me start learning the game and some of the rules, like what an icing was for example. So then preseason games started and I got more into it. And then the beginning of the 2018-19 season started. I still didn’t really know any players besides Tuukka, even though I was watching YouTube games. The YouTube ones were more for me to learn the game and the rules rather than players (however, looking back, I did notice that Kevan Miller was a freaking beast, but I just didn’t acknowledge who he actually was. I just saw a player going absolute sicko mode and being like YEEEEAAAAH). The second player I could actually remember by name was Danton Heinen. I noticed he was playing really well and I was like omg who is that and I learned his name and he became one of my favorites with Tuukka. Next was Anders Bjork. I remember I was texting my friends and was trying to make it seem like I wasn’t a complete amateur at hockey knowledge, so I was like “hey guys, Bjork is back in the line up😃” and so I always remembered his name. Next was Ryan Donato because he was literally AWAYS smiling. Every time he was on camera he was SMILING. I loved it so much he was like a little bean. And so he was one of my favorites and i had a top three with him, heino and tuuks.

Now I was watching games and slowly learning important names like Chara, Bergeron, Marchand etc but it wasn’t really on my radar to actually learn all the players because I hadn’t even done that with the patriots who I had been watching and loving for yeeeears. But that was until I decided to watch a behind the b episode. And I was HOOKED. I instantly began to love and care about every single player on the roster. This was in like February of 2019. And that’s when I started trying to name everyone on the team, including their numbers. I made it a mission. I remember writing out lists in math class because I was so bored and would rather try to memorize hockey players. And that’s when I found bruinsblr. It was march by the time I started to post hockey stuff. And i made an instagram account so I could started editing them. I’ve had this blog since 2014 and its seen many phases, but march of 2019 was when I changed it into a mainly bruins blog. And I remember not knowing what “bruins lb” was and i never wanted to tag it because I thought it was like a club or something that I would be intruding on😂 So I started posting and reblogging bruins stuff and posting sucky bruins edits on here and on my insta account. And I started watching every single behind the b episode from every season and I was literally obsessed with the team. And then Donato got traded and i was heartbroken cuz I loved him and I was like Coyle is gunna have to wow me to get me to like him and he DID and i LOVE HIM. But then I decided to have a top five instead of a top three. And it was Tuukka, Krug, DeBrusk, Pasta, and Marchy. They were the players I noticed the most. And Marchy started LICKING people how could i not choose him😂 So then the playoffs come and we beat the leafs in game 7 AGAIN (and I literally missed the first two periods because I was at my confirmation) But I finally understood all the memes about the leafs and I finally understood hockey and hockey culture by this point. I knew the rules, the players, the memes, literally everything. And then we make it to the finals and get lil nas x singing old town road before game 1 and we get JD wearing that stupid hat😂 and the two people from The Office (one of them wanted the bruins to win and the other wanted the blues) and it was all just amazing for me. Then we lost and i was devastated. And we had to see pictures of CMac sobbing on the ice and JD sitting alone in his stall crying and all of them were so sad and after that journey we just went through i was fvcking crying too. We didn’t win, but that 2018-19 season is SO special for me.

The people on this roster (minus gemel smith and lee stempniak) are EXTREMELY special to me. They TAUGHT me hockey. They turned me on to an entirely new culture. I got to experience my first real bit of hockey. I got to experience EVERYTHING about hockey with them (besides the cup) in this ONE season of hockey. I saw the preseason games in china, the halloween visit to to the hospital, Chara bringing pies to the homeless, them buying toys for kids in the hospital at Christmas then visiting them, the new years game outside against the hawks, trade deadline crushing my heart, every round of the playoffs, players pushing through crazy injuries, loving players, despising other teams, all the memes, all the jokes, all the players. Everything. The 2018-19 season is SO incredibly special for me because it’s the first time I ever experienced real hockey and watched an entire season. The people on that roster mean so much to me because of that. Now take a look at the names on that roster. Rask. Krug. Miller. Kampfer. Frederic. They all helped me experience my first year of hockey. Freddy in his first freaking game, getting into a fight😂 Miller and Kampfer were BEASTS on the ice. Krug being a SPECTACULAR little defenseman, quarterbacking the pp and sticking up for himself and SLAMMING thomas. Tuukka Rask being the brick wall. There is no way that I could ever dislike the people on that roster unless the did something suuuuuper bad. I don’t know if you would call it hero worship or whatever, but those people on that roster are so fucking special to me. Even ones like JFK and Vaak and Colby that didn’t play that many games. They still made an impact for me as a hockey fan. THAT is the main reason why I will never stop liking and supporting tuuks, krugger, kampfs, millsy, or freddy. Everyone on that roster has a special place in my heart and I’m not going to let their political views change or tamper with the incredible experience they gave me during that 2018-19 season. I wont ever love another team as much as I loved that specific roster. And no one is going to change that for me. I dont care about their political views or whatever. For me, the experience and the feelings they gave me trump anything i may or may not disagree with. That roster is so special to me, I cant bring myself to dislike any of those people. I will always like those players, no matter how republican or democrat or whatever. Political views dont matter to me when it comes to those players.

Now besides all of that and the experience they gave me, I do believe that they’re still good people even tho they may be republican. I wanna start with Tuukka because it literally doesn’t make sense to me. Tuukka is not even AMERICAN. I dont think he cares that much about American politics since im pretty sure most his family lives in Finland. People got mad at him for wearing a Boston police hat. But I think those people are forgetting that Tuukka has been in boston for soooo long. There have probably been multiple occasions where the police had to help him or the team for some reason or another (they are technically famous after all). Tuukka wearing a hat that says Boston Police doesn’t make him a bad person. He was probably just showing support to the people that helped support HIM as well as his family and teammates. I follow Tuukka on insta and he literally NEVER posts anything political. Probably because NEVER actually posts ANYTHING at all lol. Tuukka had been my favorite from the start and theres almost nothing he could ever do that would make me dislike him.

As for the other 4, and any other players on the team that may be republican (honestly i bet most of them are because 1) most hockey players are and 2) a lot of the guys are christian/catholic and most christian/catholic people are republican as well) I choose to believe that political opinions dont make you a bad person. I like to believe that it depends on the circumstances for every individual. Now I’m not gay or black or anything. Im an 18 year old, straight white girl. So obviously i dont know what its really like for someone to hate or disagree with my race, sexuality, etc. I saw someone say (sorry I forget who it was) that they keep thinking “well what would that player say about me because im gay. What would they actually think about me. I cant support them.” And honestly that’s extremely valid. I never thought about it that way before. So if Kevan Miller for example was out here posting a bunch of homophobic stuff like “i hate gays” or “gays are all stupid” or anything like that, then yeah my opinions on him would probably change in some way. But I follow him on insta and i know the stuff he post about. I have NEVER seen him say anything like that. Ive never heard any bruin say anything like that. From what I’ve seen, they all seem like super nice, sweet, supportive people when they’re off the ice. (I think it’s also important to mention that I follow EVERYONE on the 2018-19 roster. I follow all of their instas. Most of them dont have twitter, but I follow all the ones that do. It’s part of the whole “that roster is incredibly special to me” thing). I choose to believe that following republicans or being one yourself doesn’t automatically make you a bad person, especially when you consider the different circumstances that every individual is under as humans. We all experience different things and that always plays a role in how you act or the opinions you have or the people you support. Someone’s political opinions have never stopped me from liking people. Ive clearly shown that I don’t mind republicans at all, but that doesn’t mean im going to dislike democrats either. Most of the actors/ singers that i like are democrats. And it just happens that most of the athletes i like are republicans. The political stuff doesn’t matter to me. I just dont want it being slapped in my face 24/7. I dont care if you’re a republican or democrat as long as you aren’t constantly talking to me about politics or social issues or trying to change my mind on stuff. Hopefully you can try to see my point of view on this and UNDERSTAND why I like them. Again, I’ve never told my hockey story to anyone so please don’t try and invalid my feelings about the season or the players.

Please, I beg, please don’t comment on this calling racist or something. Please dont try and change me mind. Please dont tell me i need to educate myself. I know WHY i like these players. I know where they stand politically and who they support. But these players are too special to ME for me to actually give a sht about if they like trump or not. Honestly tho, feel free to give your opinion (especially if you’re gay or black or anything) cuz i dont mind hearing other standpoints as long as you aren’t mean about it or try to change my mind. If i change my mind, which i probably wont, I want it to be on my own terms. Please remember that we ARE still a hockey family 💛🖤💛

(Also I’m NEVER talking about this again. If anyone ever asks or something like this comes up again im just gunna link/ reblog this post)

(Also, thank you to whoever made it this far and actually read all of that. ESPECIALLY if you’re someone that doesn’t agree with me. Its good to hear multiple standpoints on this stuff.)

[5sosbitchfest]

Alrighty, Nonsters.  We currently have 290 Asks in our box!  As much as we might try, I know there is NO WAY we’re going to be able to get through all of them.  Everything exploded this weekend when MessyGate went down!   I don’t want to ignore any asks just because I already answered a similar one.  So, I’ve tried to gather as many similar Asks as possible to let your your voices be heard.  Y’all are definitely NOT alone in your feelings.  Get ready for a lot of opinions on Messy’s Twitter Drama.  

Also, if you sent in an Ask and we haven’t answered it yet, please feel free to resubmit it!  I do try to scroll through all of them but it is a daunting task and personal stuff and work make it difficult for me to get through everything in a timely manner!

********************************

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I’m really disappointed in Luke and this band in general, the way they deal with things. “honest policy” with messy? So he knew all of this and it was okay? Or he confronted her on this and he is okay with what she has done? I’m not sure this whole thing would be a deal breaker for me, but it certainly would make me real mad at my SO and some whiny excuses wouldn’t be enough to make things alright. Radio silence would’ve been much better than that story he posted, made himself look like a fool.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: These girls will sooner or later become their downfall if their management or them does not realise they should rely on other things than bringing relationship up front to sell their music. I find it extremely bad that they are behaving as if nothing happened, I hope there will be changes once touring will be possible again and we won’t see these girls tagging along everywhere or being brought up in interviews all the time but somehow I’m not counting too much on that.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I wonder if Luke knows everything that Messy got exposed for or just the parts Messy wanted to show him. Bc Luke said in his Story that he wasn't online lately so maybe he wasn't on Twitter too and Messy just showed him the parts that make her look good and he still doesn't know that she spoke bad about Ashton or how she stalked the fans also after she knew that they didn't hack his email adress cause he wasn't on Twitter so he couldn't see the screenshots.🤷‍♀️

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm just waiting for the day one of them date someone who isn't a part of their circle. tired of them passing around the same toxic girls.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: These girls are just digging a whole for these guys and they want be able to get out of it soon

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: It was a chicken move for Sierra to do it as a reply and no one has talked on twitter that she deleted it because they probably think her deleting it is saying it wasn’t true

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Am I the only one who thinks that guys really only heavily interact with us when they want to promote something or say something about the music? I do understand they have lives so being on Twitter isn't number one priority and with all the drama that surrounds this fandom its very easy to not want to be online a lot, I just can't help but feel that way

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm talking about this messy situation (no pun intended) with my friend and she said to me that Messy should consider changing her career if she can't handle that not all people are going to like her. (that ofc doesn't include any form of harassment bc that's not cool)

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I really don't know how to feel about the Luke situation. At first I was upset and disappointed of Luke but now I almost pity him bc real or not either the management would want Luke to defend her or Messy. And I think Luke isn't the kind of person who would stand up against the management or Messy (even though it would probably be better for him if he would). And most people don't realise when they're in a toxic relationship so I can't really blame him. I just hope this ends asap.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I literally was so angry and frustrated with Luke and this whole situation yesterday that I couldn’t even look at him on my home screen, I had to change it. It’s really a disappointing thing to witness. Whether management put him up to this or he genuinely believes this toxicity is okay, I’m just very grumpy with him at the moment. He deserves better and WE (the fans) deserve better.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I think Luke really needs to be in a relationship with sb who either isn't famous and doesn't want to be or with someone who is famous bc they have a successful career too and who doesn't need Like to be famous.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I’ve only seen a few accounts on Twitter who are attacking Messy and Crusty to the core and exposing every bad thing they’ve done with receipts for the sossies defending them! I’m happy that karma is finally getting to those con artist who think they can get away with anything

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: that recent lierra picture is photoshoped lmao. if you look at Sierra's hand you can see color coming off from it and her arm looks hella weird.her forehead looks hella weird and look couldn't have taken the picture because I doubt that he could stretch his arm that far and make a perfect picture. also we haven't even seen Sierra's face so I still don't believe they're together

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: The Lemon pic was like a punch in the face (even though Petunia and Luke are looking cute there). But I've been asking myself lately if Luke has seen the whole drama going around on Twitter or just the posts Messy wanted him to know so the ones who make her look like the victim (and not the ones where she insulted Ashton or she made it clear that she stalked his fans). Cause Luke said he hasn't been online lately.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I mean we dont know how much of the story he truly is aware of and how much s changed to fit her narrative and get L to feel bad for her. Plus he was under pressure from management to do damage control and not standing up for his gf is a very bad look for outsiders who dont understand why she's at fault. It was a pretty neutral statement and he was obviously told to make the post so I dont blame him and just blame her more for putting him in the situation in the 1st place

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I wonder how much toxicity happens behind the scenes, we know S is very manipulative and L is very much a people pleaser so.. and with how much they have to sell their "love" and "happiness" in the relationship. Minipulation is a powerful thing and it could explain why hes out of touch with reality, especially lately since he's isolated with her and doesnt have the voices of the band to raise any concerns and he's been getting skinny again and seems very "meh" rather than happy, idk

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I feel so disconnected with this fandom rn. I feel like no one is streaming CALM and that makes me sad bc it's such an amazing album. The boys aren't even online anymore, everyone is mad at each other and now Luke comes up with this shit... tbh I wish I would wake up tomorrow and see him tweeting something like yeah I'm sorry about my ig story I still love y'all lmao

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Wait wait wait wait ive been gone from the fandom for a little while now and what the fuck is going on with Luke and S? What did S do that she made a fake ass apology for?? I’m so lost please help me! 😂

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm seeing a lot of my mutuals unstanning and I'm just so mad bc Sierra started this drama and got Luke into it and I'm sad that people are leaving bc of this, it's just too much toxicity and it shouldn't affect the band and their connection with the fans but with Luke saying this he makes it seem like he supports the ugly things she does

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I am a Luke stan and I've always loved him bc he has inspired me so much through the years but when he does this things it's like...damn. I feel like he's invalidating the fans' feelings by being like "if you don't like my girlfriend, ur fake" like he has never noticed me on Twitter or anything but my biggest fear is to be blocked by him or just ignored bc I don't like her (although I never expressed it publicly) n yeah anyways :// It feels weird

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Going back and re-reading the DM’s messy literally confirms that she accesses Luke’s account by saying “we couldn’t get in” or some shit like that

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I hate being a luke stan, sometimes it just seems like he doesn't care? he always puts these toxic gfs before the ones who adore him and pay his bills. might just move into Cashton's lane. unproblematic kings.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: He literally posted a picture of him cuddling her and petunia within the hour

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: The saddest part of this situation is it’s like a repeat of Arzaylea. Luke has no idea what a respectful, mature relationship is. We saw it with Arz and were seeing it again it’s just a little bit different. He stays being controlled and manipulated by toxic partners. I really think homeboy needs to be single for a WHILE and focus on himself. He needs to unlearn the things his past and current relationships have taught him about love because if I know anything, it’s that this ain’t real love.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Is it bad that I just want the larzaylea drama back?? Like everyone could at least agree on their feelings then...

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Just checked messy’s insta and of course, everyone that still supports her filled her tagged with just the single picture

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I feel like the reason Sierra is getting away with what she’s done is because she isn’t that known. Like yeah she’s associated with 5sos, but they’re also like not that big which is probably why it’s getting swept under the rug. I’ve only seen the 5SOS fandom calling her out for her actions. If this had happened with a well known celebrity, they probably would’ve been dragged and been trending on Twitter. I might be wrong but I feel like this is what’s happening which is just unfair.

[cxrdboard-cxstles]

11.23.20

I told myself specifically not to go public about this situation anymore because of trying to move on, but getting it out is a lot nicer since the people involved can’t go after me on insta anymore : ) and if y’all see this, fuck every single one of you. Especially you M. Thanks for being a fucking asshole.

This was only recent, but I know I’m probably just straight up cancelled in their eyes. Anyway, here’s my go at this shit show.

Pretty much the entire day [saturday] was normal, until I get a message asking “hey, I have a question”. Me, not thinking anything if it, mentions two names, who I’ll call K and M for privacy reasons. I basically say “if it’s about M [my ex friend] or K, then no”. The peson basically went on to say that they had no idea who those two were, which I find out was a complete lie later.

This person then basically goes on to ask me how I knew who this person named C was/how I found her account. Which I told the truth that it was through K’s account when I was still following her.

My suspicions rose when things finally started happening.

M, along with C, K, and their friend P, all come at me all at once, not even in a gc, it was individually, but thanks to K’s acc, I’m pretty sure I knew they were in person. K was calling me and shit aswell, which was also why I knew something was going down, and also how I knew they were all irl and were basically about to “take my ass down” or cancel me or whatever.

They basically accused me of this shit:

1. Trying to go through all of his mutuals just to talk to M again [not surprised cause I was known for doing that, but I didn’t know just fucking following people you didn’t really go through him to follow was a big fucking deal].

2. Acting like M’s friends were my friends [basically being all buddy-buddy with K, who I actually genuinely enjoyed talking to].

3. Following C’s twitch to “apparently” stalk M even more [i only fucking followed it to see what content she posted. Again, I didn’t know just liking someone’s content would lead to me being accused of something I don’t even fucking do anymore].

I mean yes I did have my mon text M a letter just to let him know I was sorry, and then I did something earlier back in April, GENUINELY giving my fucking all to apologize, but all of that still gets me called a creep, basically pathetic; and anything in that general name calling area.

I ended up blocking all of them after that situation happened, but I unblocked M on the account I felt more comfortable talking to him on [because the one he messaged me on was different from the one everyone else went on my ass on]. We ended up talking things out and shit [which really only benefited him because he was probably knowingly making me feel even more guilty than I already did].

I agreed to take down my vent amino because of this conversation [I actually thank him for having me do that, cause that community was really fucking toxic, so thanks M, genuinely. 🙂]. We also agreed to put this shit behind us once and for all [I only agreed to it so he wouldn’t get hurt anymore and I’d be the only one holding the pain, cause I kinda fucked up real badly].

Anyway, the only reason this shit really fucked me up, is because again, I feel like he sees M and MP as one in the same, and also because of something he said to me before we hung up for the last time. He said “I hope I never see you again”, and that shit has really stuck with me ever since then. And that is why I say Fuck you M.

I get why you’re saying that bout it just made me feel like you’re still a fucking asshole. I can’t even comprehend how someone can hate someone else this much, especially knowing that we haven’t talked in 4 years, but at the same time I get it. You can’t trust me, and that’s perfectly fine.

Ajyway holy shit. Talking about it was slightly relieving, but I better not wake up to all of them coming at me saying “OMFG you and M literally just fucking made up. Do you w a n t him to regret it?” Or threatening me to fucking stop talking about it.

At the same time, I know that if they see this and when they see the fuck yoy thing, they’re all going to either be like “right back at you” or say I have no right to fucking say that...

anyway, thanks for letting me ramble if you read all the way through. This situation has been bothering me ever since it happened considering its all that’s been clogging up my brain for the past two nights.

Thank you.

Edit: I do wanna add thet M wasn’t always the terrible guy I make him out to be. I’m pretty much always the problem. He barely did anything wrong [but he did do some shit I didn’t agreee with]. I only say he’s the asshole because of how this shit played out [and it was kinda shittt that he said he hoped he’d never see me again, but that’s justfied, so again I’m in the wrong.]

I don’t genuinely wish I’ll will onto him though, so if you know who I mean, please for the love of fuck dont go after him. M is a lovely individual, and I don’t say that to act like we’re friends, I say that because we were friends at one point. And that’s what matters. That is my closure.]

[dragonpaws]

hey so like i wanted to make a rebloggable version of this but the reason why that butch show is an issue probably isn’t why most of you think its an issue 1st, over half of its funding came from the san francisco area. it was not a tumblr fundraiser and is written by a (straight) woman who is a radio host in the area. 

so, firstoff this was literally a money ploy by a straight woman using lesbians as revenue

2nd, tumblr only (possibly?) funded the last 17 percent, theyve been asking for money since june and i believe the campaign was set to be a 1 month one. if you check out the website on look at ‘progress’ you can see when it was posted and what the milestones have been

3rd, pizza-queen or whover isn’t an official account, apparently she made a logo but thats the extent of it? they dont even have an official tumblr page, the only ones listed on the site are facebook, twit, and insta

so instead of getting mad at fans that have no real bearing over the show, be mad that rich white silicon valley idiots are using us for money with lines such as 

“ Lesbian is still the #1 searched porn term worldwide. Just sayin'....there's an audience out there. “

“ Now, more than ever, it's time to send the message that women don't have to vacuum their lips through a shotglass to be hot. “

“ We aim to inspire body positivity, female inner beauty and prove that a little flannel goes a long way. “ (the constant implication that butch is better?)

be mad about it by all means, just realize this wasn’t funded by tumblr users funding their own entertainment over charity

[prettylittleg]

Interesting facts about AimiYhr

Juno and Trolls are currently my go to movies lately.

I am obsessed with snapchat and insta story. (more on insta story now since I have more followers there. HOWEVER, personal stuff, snapchat) 

I am as hard as a rock. Sensitive beyond belief. I wear my heart on my sleeves. 

I dont play any instruments. However I do love singing. Not sure if I have the voice for that. 

Terrified of ghosts. VERY. I cant bring myself to watch any malay horror movies without ever getting scared or sleep w the lights off. 

Having said that, I sleep w the light on. Usually a night light. But since 2 weeks straight, I've been sleeping w the light on. Its horrible. Really. 

I’m not the most expressive person, but I love expressing myself through blogging, or tweeting and what not. But mostly blogging. 

I am obsessed with my hair. its not much. but its there. 

I like to keep things private. filtering out followers esp on my instagram. I love how now you can remove and thus filter out your followers. I went from 700 to 300. It feels rather liberating for me. Which explains why I made a new twitter account. I am very selective as to who to follow and who gets to follow me back. Same goes w my snapchat. 

I love my Neos. For those who dont know, Neos are my CrossFit friends. Or rather classmates, more accurately. Haha. I can truly be myself whenever I’m w the Neos and I love how most of them are in their mid 20s to early/late 30s. 

I’m graduating this year. Insha Allah. and constantly praying that I’ll have a brighter future. Amin. 

Raya excites me every time. Every year. 

I like to keep my circle small. But not on my body tho (geddit?)

Hates Taylor Swift. dont even try. 

I know the show FRIENDS by heart. Literally. I can simply state which episodes belongs to which seasons, who "Paul the Wine guy” is, to when Joey set a girl's wooden leg on a fire and etc. Seriously though. I watch them every now and then, esp when I'm doing my work or whenever I feel down. I just love all 10 seasons. 

Bear, Kovu and Khal are my first ever cat pets. The whole family's in love w them. They're the gem in the house. 

I am a sneakers over heels kind of person. I used to be the opposite, but lately, I find comfort in neat sneakers and would spend money on nice good quality sneakers. 

Loves makeup esp in the morning. Its my form of therapy. 

My look can kill you. Or at least thats how I'd like to believe. 

Have been into odd numbers lately. Esp when it comes to adjusting the volumes, I feel -- or rather believe a song will only sound "right" in an odd number. I was never actually like this to be honest, its just..... lately. 

I dont look my age. Never have. But I love that fact about me. 

It takes a lot for me to say I love you.

I guess this is normal, but when I love, I love hard. 

I dont smile. Hardly ever does. 

I cant seem to bring myself to watch any new movies, unless theres a reason as to why I really want to watch it. For instance, I currently have 2 hard disks. TWO. And both are filled with movies. From old ones to the current ones. And I've never seen any of the "new" movies I've downloaded... yet. I guess metaphorically speaking, I am more comfortable w things that I'm familiar with and this goes to movies, and people.

In regards to my name...... Its spelled as AIMI, and not AIMY. haha and YHR actually stands for my dad’s name, and to pronounce “AIMIYHR” is AIMI Y-H-R. Am I making sense? lol.

[stale-sandcastle]

do ALL the numbers

1. who’s your celebrity crush?Ben Cook

2. are you single or taken?single

3. rant. just do itI know I already posted a rant but you’re getting another oneBen Cook stans annoy the fuck out of me. like why are y'all so rude?? do you know how rude you are??? do you know how rude you’re being??? stop commenting on other people’s posts asking for Ben. Don’t even fucking mention Ben on someone else’s post if Ben isn’t in it. and if Ben is in it, be fucking respectful. like don’t just comment about how hot he is or some shit. it’s so disheartening to the people who have worked their whole lives, and rightfully worked their asses off to gt the fame and recognition they deserve, to be widdled down to “Ben cooks friend/castmate” its literally not hard to be a decent human being. also y'all don’t control Ben so stop fucking acting like his parents in the comments of his posts. also stop being fucking creepy in the comments too. I know that i hate it when random accounts come on to my insta profile and comment about how cute I am because I don’t know them. now multiply it by like a zillion and that’s P R O B A B L Y how Ben feels when he sees his instagram notification. ALSO DON’T TAG HIM IN PICTURES HES NOT IN LIKE WTF DON’T TAG HIM IN YOUR RANDOM SELFIES HES NOT GOING TO LIKE IT JUST BECAUSE YOU TAGGED HIM

4. do you think its ok to separate the artist from the art?ehh, i think you can say something like “I really like this song but the artist is problematic so I don’t want to support them”

5.how many accounts do you have?tumblr accounts? I only use this but I have like 30 saved urls

6. how many pairs of shoes do you have?shit I have like 20 at school and 10 at home

7. opinion on… (specify to the person you’re asking to)you didn’t specify

8. how many accounts do you follow?399

9. favorite brand of clothing?idk favorite but most of my clothes come from Charlotte Russe and American Eagle

10. name a dogmy dogs name is kioko and I dont want to name a new dog

11.what unusual talent do you have?already answered

12. what’s the most interesting schools gossip you’ve ever heard?our middle school gym teacher was fired after he allegedly slept with the high school intern 3 months after his wife had their baby

13. ever prank called a store?no

14. what’s your coffee order?iced mocha latte, cream and sugar

15. what’s a question do you constantly get asked?answered, but i also get “can you read my mind?” after I tell people I’m a psych major

16. if you had to get a tattoo right now, what would you get and where?i already made one list but since i have added the number 27 literally anywhere idk

17. google the top song from the year you were bornnext - too close

18. rant about your favorite musician i already did this one too but not a musician but let me tell you i fucking hate key changes and for some god awful reason every person who I’ve seen talk about newsies is obsessed with the key changes and that’s how i knew we couldn’t be friends

19. what’s your favorite teacher you’ve ever had?hornbaker

20. describe your blog in 3-5 wordsa giant fucking mess

21. what’s a conspiracy you believe in?the Illuminati built the Denver International Airport

22. if you could see any concert tonight what would you choose?can Big Time Rush do a reunion tour

23. if you could break one of your bad habits which would you choose?i bit my nails and I want to stop

24. can you dance? sing?all i do is sing. I wish i could dance but i have a fucked up ankle so when I try i have to be extra careful, so when i was younger i never took dance classes

25. what’s something you can’t stop buying?FUCKING JALAPENO KETTLE CHIPS

26. crowds or small groups?small groups

27. how long before a trip do you pack?answered. the day before

28. what celebrity would you rate a PERFECT 10?fuck me up Ben squared also magnus paajarvi and y'all can fight me. tommy bracco gets a 9 bc though i love him, hes the same height as me

29. what quote or inspirational setting do you think is bs?aim for the moon because even if you miss you’ll land among the stars

30. if you had to dye your hair an unnatural color right now, what would you choose?listen my hair hasn’t been a natural color since i was like in the 5th grade. i keep dying it blue but tbh i want to dye it half pink half blue

31. you can change one thing about your life right now. what are you changing?answered. I’d still be on stage

32. how old do you get mistaken for?depends. sometimes 15 sometimes 25

33. what do you think about a lothow much I love my friends and home much I want lilly to come home

34. do you like your hogwarts house or do you wish you were a different one?im a slytherin and i love it

35. what does home mean to you?where I’m happiest and at my most comfortable, surround by those i love and those that love me

36. what do you think you’d be arrested for?honestly probably loitering or like, stalking if I keep finding ways to meet the blues or noways snowboard team

37. have you ever been called down to the principals office?no but ive had the principal stop me in the hall because he was bored and wanted to talk instead of go to his MANDATORY COUNTY LEADER MEETING

38. post a picture of the outfit you would choose if you could have any outfit you wantedim too tired to try and do this one tbh

39. describe your aestheticcomfy but stylish, a little classy but fun, very sport but cute

40. answer with one of your ‘school memes’ (inside jokes you have with your class/grade) with no explanation either no parking for juniors TODAY ONLY or That’s totally not our principals living room furniture in the traffic circle out front of the school (these happened together so they’re one and you can fight me)

thank b. I know i asked for this but youre lucky i love you

[iamprish1-blog]

I have always felt defeated in life, lost not knowing my ‘purpose’ or meaning in life, I think this once abandoned space can prove it all. However, since the past weekend, I think a huge part of me has changed, something I can’t put into words has happened in me. 

It was last Friday 23rd of June 2017, when i came home around 12 or 1pm and I saw she posted on instagram that her dad had passed away, i was shocked and found it hard to believe, just a day before that she was thankful for the miracle her dad almost missed death. but that day I was so sad that i cried loool....i cried because i realised a few things, 1: my crush for her was really foolish it was a meaning that is meaningless because there’s nothing i could do to comfort her or anything.. i do not know her, 2: from the text message she shared on instagram i could tell god has taken away a great man/father and its so so so unfair and she really had such a great blessing to have had a father like that! she always said that her family is estranged but she doesnt know its not at all... maybe they didnt always agree with each other but it was still a very beautiful family  3: there’s nothing i could do...and i really wished that i could exchange my life for her dad’s...because at this point in my life i dont have anything thats precious to me and i dont have anything i look forward to...besides my petty dream of buying 1 or 2 audi with cold hard cash...which got me thinking if it were anyone else would i wanna do this obviously nope i wouldnt...and this thought really scared me that why on earth would i have thoughts like this???? then i remember i think i used to say like i would exchange a few years of my life for love LOLOLOL WTF like seriously i just wanna punch myself in the face/body/anywhere i totally regret saying something like that...and im not sure if i would regret saying this...honestly i wouldnt even exchange my life for my parents’ and thats for sure but zac maybe yeaaa

actually last week i deactivated the fb account which i created just to stalk her, but somehow after the news i reactivated it cause i wanna know if she shares any stories on fb...but who knew that the next day she posted for the funeral service...and till today im still curious why she shares her fb posts for everyone to see...she shouldve at least only share the details to her fb friends cause she wouldnt want to message everyone about it...but maybe i should be grateful for that cause obviously i went for all 3 days ! at first i only i wanted to attend on monday...cause its weird for me to even be there like why on earth should i go!! but of course knowing me i have always been sooo sooo sooo so obsess with her... i just went i mean like i dont even know why i went because i wouldnt do something like this at all what more to attend your crush’s father’s funeral?????!!!!!! its so ridiculous i didnt even go to saint’s open house when i was actually invited twice.....and now i attended to someone’s dad funeral when I have NEVER MET THEM OR KNOW THEM AT ALLL?????????? oh yeaa and i actually unfollowed her on insta but then re-followed her again cause i was so afraid she would make her page private and i wouldnt know anything that fear was seriously real lol

it might sound totally ludicrous but i actually felt like there’s some sort of ‘force’ or what that made me go there...i didnt hesitate much not as much as i thought...i was only worried that she might see me and then that would annoy or anger her....however, maybe at first i gave the excuse that i can finally see her...but then it felt more like i just want to be there...i just wanted to be there i dont even know why...the first night i went i was late to appear right at the parlour, so i missed her eulogy, but i was glad cause i could give myself the excuse to come again...the first moment i saw her i felt a sense of relief i think, nothing like anything too much of emotions, but once i was there i just wanted to be there even more....just awhile after i was standing right outside the corner window i saw just waving at first i thought she was like waving at me or what lol cause she was looking at my direction, i couldnt see well cause the windows were tinted and kinda blurry...but then i thought oh she must be waving at someone from the crowd cause she doesnt even know me lol...and then i left early once people starting to queue to pay respect to her dad, i wanted to stay longer but there’re toooo many people soon the sight of her was buried in the crowd...so i left cause i saw her friend and i panicked a bit...the funny thing must be...when i arrived quite early for malaysian timing i stood in between juncture in front....i made myself looked like i was attending the one on the right and kept my head down sticking my eyeballs to my phone...then like around 830 i was like i gotta do something...so i just tried walking towards the right i wanted to see whats behind....thank god i walked till behind and found their room...there’re so many people standing outside but once i heard someone talking i just couldnt care much and stood right infront of the window...then i saw her with her sisters...and of course all the people outside must be think im so weird cause now they know im here for the same person lol i was quite embarrassed for that....but then the next day while waiting at the airport for boboy to arrive....its sooo long i was thinking sooooo much i wondered hmmm why did she only wave to the person at that time wouldnt she see them earlier already??? haizzzzz i was just tooo confused

the second night i went and i was shocked to see when i arrived that there’re no people standing outside...but this time i didnt take the back road...and when she was presenting her eulogy i stood in front of the door only cause theres where i could hear clearer from the outside, i couldnt hear everything she said tho...just she mentioned about now her definition of sadness is different and she almost almost burst out crying and after that i heard something like ‘you know.... someone to walk us down the aisle’....when she finished i asked the worker to help me give the money cause i didnt want to go inside cause i know i shouldnt even be there...but when i walked towards the window where i was standing the previous night...i think i saw her head turning towards where i was going....she must have felt confused like whats happening and of course i think by then she must be wondering who the hell is this person! and so i gave the money with my nickname zenn....cause i thought it would seriously wayyyyy toooo stupid and moronic if i used a fake name like seriously i just couldnt lol... and then when i was standing there i think she was looking at me cause her head was like at my direction but just didnt know if her eyes were on me or what....and then i did something seriously dumb i thought that for her to not see me i could just hide my face behind all the photos hanging there...but then it only laterrrr i realised that from HER PERSPECTIVE she would still see me cause ughhhh like seriously cant believe im SOOOOOO DUMBBBB!!!! ohh and then at one point when her sister walked behind to take something or what she followed behind too....so means i could have see her standing right in front of me but then i turned around cause like of course i was afraid she would like know which now i realise its all soooooo stupid cause i mean like seriously its sooooo bloody obvious i was looking at her the whole time...but then im not sure if she knew who i am.....when people were like paying respect to them i was standing on the other side of the window means i was standing behind them, and then suddenly i think i saw her friend looking at my direction cause i was like the only weirdo standing outside looking inside! but then actually i still cant be too sure cause i was standing quite a distance and i couldnt see well through the blurry window and then i got panicked more and ran away lolol....but i was glad that there’re a lot of people giving them comfort SO MANY HUGS LOL! sometimes i wish i could hug her lolololollll

on monday it was the funeral service in the morning, and i think the timing was right from the beginning cause papa was already planning not to go to site on monday, so i had no reasons not to go....and again i just felt like i gotta be there...and this time i went inside and sat at the last row which then after that i saw the guy i was sitting next to was actually her friend lol cause he hugged her...and then he was with her other friends....and then i was like damnit! damn i miss one thing....her family went to calvary church...i think i heard that since the first night but didnt bother so much....but then on the second night when a pastor was like giving his short speech....i had my head on the ground cause you know standing for so long is back breaking and tiring plus i have working so hard at the site :( but then suddenly a familiar voice had my head raised up....i looked through the blurry window and thought is that the very very very very fussy pastor????? ok so i just googled yep the pastor should be pastor richard that one i know...but im not sure if the one there was the same....however its on monday pastor steven that really made me think was i really meant to just be there? cause again most of the time my head wasnt looking straight up except when her sister was singing and damn her voice is greattttttt i dont think any chinese can sing sooooo well!!!! even betterrrr than jacklyn victor or something lol! too bad she isnt a singer....but then again too bad im not a film star when im so funny i could be the chinese gianna jun lolol HA HA HA HA HA AHA HA AHA AHAHAHA ok pls prisha! right....the pastor his voice was so so so familiar and comforting like i just heard it yesterday not like literally but like just recently, which is weird cause its been yearss since i last attended to calvary and thats before they moved, plus have i even been there more than 50 times??? lol! idk but now i really want to hear his voice again cause its like reassuring...and im not sure if i could remember voices or its just that pastors’ voice is more anointing to the ears.....and also there’s another pastor who share the story her dad made him a charger thing....its really weird cause i never expected to remember pastors faces cause theyre all like old men right all look almost the same....but then i know i will never hear pastor steven’s voice again cause i will not go to such a huge convention center it just doesnt feel like a church thats so commercialised....tho dumc hall kinda big too...but then i now realise i really prefer their voices more than the pastors in dumc lolol i think im weirder than the person who married eiffel tower lel

anyways when i was sitting down i turned behind and saw some of the pictures there, i knew i could easily walked up and take a closer look at all the pictures, but i didnt cause i know i didnt have the rights or deserve to do that, just like how i wish i could have the chance to see her dad but i couldnt, there’s no reason for me to. i wonder if anyone believes that true love can actually transcends space...no doubt i could feel the unconditional love he had in him...i mean i didnt need to listen to all the testimony to know like seriously his face showed it all ! ! ! one thing for sure i definitely felt inspire that i would like to dedicate all my faithful love to someone...i dont know who it will be or what will actually happen in my future....but i know i will wait patiently for the person to show up....it makes me wonder if she actually has TOOOO much love in her that she sorta a player tho HA HA AHAA....ok jokes i shouldnt tease people when their loved one just passed away....but i know even if i have way tooo much in me i would still only give it to one person, there will always be room for only one in my heart....maybe its also why now i just feel like shutting myself out from the world....i dont even feel like talking to shalinn i mean i wanted to at least remain some kind of acquaintance and go to their final studio presentation....but now i really cant....i dont know how to process what im feeling is too weird i need time to forget this i need time for my prayers to come true then only can i open my heart.....meanwhile i will do whatever i was planning to do slowly and hopefully the day i stopped stalking her will come soon.....truth is im kinda frustrated too...i dont get why is it that i felt like there’s some sort of i dont ‘spirit’ or whatever shit pushing me to go there....but god doesnt even bother to tell me WHAT I SHOULD DO NEXT WITH MY LIFE!! i just want the feeling whereby it just flow and its smooth and everything feels right....because i didnt have anxiety at all when i was there, just nervous cause first time going to a place where no stranger would ever go is seriously something lel! and maybe a bit of panic and trying to run away trying to hide which all didnt work didnt make sense lolol...like when after her dad casket were inside to be cremated...her friends were like walking out and coming towards my way, i panicked that i was like damnit now i gotta go for real...but then i was so nervous i missed the entrance just on my left then walked a round and then got shocked confused why the hell i came back to the same place....and seriously at that moment i thought i was gonna faint cause the weather was bloody scorching hot and i had a cap on and i didnt eat breakfast and i was confused like where the hell is the exit??????? but then i ha d the chance to stay longer like to look at her lololol like seriously damn stupid...till the end i finally leave when more people were leaving

. . . . . . . .. . . . .. .. .  .. . . .. . .