#LOVE AS IN FASCINATED i don’t want nuclear power plants to explode thanks

[stabyou]

where’s my autistic besties with hyperfixations that are too niche or specific to ever just get into in normal conversation

[creaturecarnival]

Fallout’s Plants

A post nuclear wasteland isn’t exactly a botanist's dream, but the Fallout universe makes that anything but untrue. I fell in love with the franchise around the time I was 14, after a prophetic dream about Mobile homes. I bought New Vegas, died a lot, and then went on to only ever play fallout 3 until I figured out how to be Good at Video Games. Fallout 4 came out not too long after, and my hype for the franchise has stuck. Don’t get me wrong, the games are awful, but when has something like that ever stopped me before?

A botanist's guide to the Wasteland

Fallout plants

Venus Man-eaters- Cordyceps aren’t the only thing mutated in that vault. Venus Flytraps had to get in on the action too!! They aren’t actually called venus man-eaters in the game, no, they’re called “Spore Plants.” But that’s lame and I’ve personally retconned their name. You can thank me later, Todd. They look like absolute goofballs. They hack up and spitooy a glob of green spore stuff at you, and are a blast to fight. They’re actually in the second fallout, and you can rip off their spikes to use as a little knife! 

Sundews- Sundews are literally the reason I even purchased Fallout 76. No really, they are. The trailers I saw were interesting enough, they advertised a fun little game of exploration and survival. Yeah, i’d buy that on sale given the chance. But sundews? Huge, potentially intelligent sundews that lure you into their groves and kill you? I was Immediately hyped. I thought about all the possibilities they could bring. Could they lure you in with high level loot but then act as an ever shifting maze leading you to your eventual starvation? Could they grab onto you and force you to shoot at them? 

Stranglers- Part of one of the promotional interviews for fallout 76 mentioned “Intelligent Plants,” heavily implying sundews. PSYCH! It was these orange vine thingys that infest the scariest area of Appalachia: The Mire. It isn’t the most dangerous, however it is a big spooky swamp with the creepiest enemies, squirming gulper salamanders and the Vicious aforementioned Anglers. An event quest allows you to try and defeat the “Heart of the Swamp,” a huge, Little Shop of Horrors plant mouth that summons Strangler infested enemies. Such fun!

Fever Blossom- Fever blossums are really REALLY pretty flowers that you can find in Fo4’s best DLC “Nuka World.” They’re bright blue and they grow on nasty looking stems. But the really kicker is when you’re assigned to go collect them to make a frenzy effect grenade for the Diciples, a raider group known for their intense sadism. You need to go collect fever blossoms to do this, implying that they will make you Angry if ingested. Imagine that. You and your ghoul buddy Steve are wandering the wastes and he dares you to eat this flower, and next thing you know you’re beating the radioactive snot out of him for no actual reason. My kinda thing!

Lure Weed- Lure weeds are a sham. You don’t really need them. It’s not worth the risk, lest you fall prey to the dreaded “Angler.” Lure weed’s whole purpose is look exactly like the protruding lures of the terrible beasts. But the problem is, there’s no real reason to go get lure weed at all! They’re only used to make two consumables, and unless you REALLY want Seasoned Wolf Ribs, it’s best to avoid them altogether

Gutshroom- gutshrooms were added post release, the same time a new (albeit pretty lame) dungeon “the burrows” was. They go hand in hand with actual guts, added to the loot table of small animals at the same time. The concept is fun, if a little unusual. I’m not sure what they’re actually for, though. Are they to make players think they’re in a dangerous area when they’re actually not? Are they supposed to look good and add to the cramped, soggy atmosphere of the sewer system? 

Firecap- firecaps are bright orange mushrooms that are found in the forest area of fallout 76. They kinda do look a bit like fire, but not really. I like their almost animal like veins all over them, they’re really neat. There’s not a whole lot to them, but I appreciate their simplicity.

Snaptails- These mutated cattails are the first plant I found and photographed in my Fallout 76 botanical adventure 9000. They’re not much different than regular cattails, other than their flowers have become huge, bloated, and presumably very hard. They hold a special place in my heart, and I make sure to snatch a few when I get the chance.

Ginseng root- hehe it looks like a tiny man

Punga Fruit- Punga fruit is an important aspect of Fallout 3’s DLC “point lookout.” They’re weird looking fruits that are a staple to the diet of the inbred, unfairly powerful hillbilly locals (that and the occasional tourist!) It has a “mother of all Punga” and that’s used to drug the Lone Wanderer so they can cut your brain out. It’s sinister, scary, and probably tastes like farts.

Corpse Flower- YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love these things!!! I’ve always had a fascination with corpse flowers, and when I learned that they were in the game, I wasted no time in trying to photograph them. It was part of an event quest where I tried to defend them from critters, but I am bad at video games, so RIP corpse flowers I guess. I can only imagine how they got into the West Virginia ecosystem!! A zoo? That would explain the sloths! Vault 94? Most likely, but also that’s not as fun as the idea of a potential zoo we could go to in the future! Nuka world’s Ghoulrillas, Brahmiluffs, Gazelles, and Gatorclaws were ok, but I need mORE!!!

Firecracker Berry- Firecracker berries are a wonderful source of food and jumpscares. They have one gimmick: when you get too close, they explode, making tiny high pitched firework noises. Cute! 

Glowing Resin- Ok actually, I’m not too confident that this stuff is a plant. Maybe it is? Maybe it's a huge pulsating lichen for all I know. Maybe it’s deathclaw snot. Maybe it’s an excess of radioactive stuff that the tree is expelling out of it’s system in the form of a toxic sap. Who knows! Whatever it is, it looks nasty.

Pitcher Plants- These things can be found in several places in West Virginia, and I don’t like them. Like, there’s nothing wrong, it’s just that they’re so underused. They have basically the same shtick as sundews: they spray a cloud of stinky at you when you get to close. Where’s the fun in that? I wish they did something like antlions where you can’t help but draw close, and you need to kill it before it swallows you whole!! 

Glowing Mushrooms- yeah yeah, theres not a whole lot going on with these things. What do they do? Well they glow. That’s pretty much it. They are basically made so that when you go into caves, you arent stuck in pitch black. But the thing about them is that they’re just so….so…. Nice! They’re just quality shrooms living their best life and helping wastelanders and mutants alike navigate the underground.

Brain Fungus- I always wondered what these things actually came from. Mold? Mushrooms? Puffballs? Who knows. I’m not sure what they are, but I love the way they grow; all over walls, clustering around like barnacles. I also love the fact that due to radiation, mushrooms just kind of decided to turn into brains for no decernable reason. I love it.

Tato- Tatos are, by all means and observations, just regular old tomatoes. I don’t think they really have any mutations at all, aside from the strange bendy and twisted stems that are ever so common in post-nuclear plants. I don’t have much to say about this, I really didn’t want to reveiw already existing plants such as corn, broc flowers, aster, etc., but “Tato” just so happens to be the name of our late tomato frog. I had a strange relationship with him, one of my paranoia that my pet would die and one of mutual respect. Rest in Peace tato, you will always find love from me.

FOOTNOTE: this is not in any way all of the plants i had intended. its just that this was supposed to be done like a month ago so i need to do this now, and leave out some stuff