#ME AND MY SISTER SHARE A BIRTHDAY AND WE ALWAYS JOKE ABT HOW DIFFERENT OUR GIFTS ARE EVERY YEAR OK?

[batmanshole]

other girls: i want makeup and clothes for my birthday!

me: i want a Conair GS38NXC Turbo ExtremeSteam Handheld Fabric Steamer with built in fabric creaser 1875 watts please.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

prime number asks

Thank Yougd... :’-0

2:How long have you known your best friend? 

ah that’s soph nothingunrealistic........uhh i guess that was since last november! since we started talking anyways; i may have Known Of Soph’s Fics since october. i’m not sure of these dates. so yeah let’s say 10 months

3:What position do you normally sleep in?

lmao i can’t ever decide......on my back or on my right side i guess? in a perfect world i’d sleep on a giant mattress b/c i generally need to stretch my legs way out and i’m 6 ft tall. gotta be stretched out or Able to be stretched out. sometimes i sleep a bit curled up but also i’ll be lying there and seized by the Need To Extend yknow

5:Who was your favorite teacher in high school and why?

i wasn’t in high school lol........uh there was this 2-week school-ish thing i did for a few summers in a row (like middle school age) and my fave teacher in that was mr mckenna, who did History-Related stuff. he was just a really fun and friendly guy who was enthusiastic about teaching and i love that. same reason i loved this music professor in college even though i was hardly studying music 

7:Did you participate in any sports while in school?

no

11:Do you like your siblings? Why or why not?

they’re alright! we’re not really close Like Family or anything lmao, more like chill acquaintances with a lot of history of running jokes and movies we like....we all started getting along way better when we had a lot of space lmao (me and my sister starting college within the same like 2 yrs and being residential students) and were never really like, Share Everything Personal Talks close, mostly just goofed around together. now we continue to be in entirely different places so, friendly acquaintances. they’re alright. my brother tended to know me better than my sister did in later years and probably now, since we talk on twitter but i haven’t like actually directly talked to my sister in like, years. rip. oh yeah and my sister had this weird commitment to taking a Criticize-y approach to me sometimes?? and i was like, who is this for!! you’re not straight either why are you actively backing our homophobic mom’s paroxysms over my undercut........like who was this for......mysteries

13:Name one movie that made you cry.

this is hard not because i don’t cry at movies but b/c it’s like “think of movies you’ve seen” and i’m like oh god oh fuck...............see right now i’m like “you’ve cried watching lotr like a dozen times or probably more” and so now i Can’t think of anything else

17:Have you ever broken a bone? If so, how?

r/neverbrokeabone

19:Where did you grow up?

northern va, the dmv area, abt 20 mi from dc for my first 3-4 yrs of life, then 40 mi away

23:When is your birthday?

march 16. everyone is born in march. tf is up with june. great month, but like, i swear that say, february isn’t seeing these Everyone Born This Month stats as march always has. and as a month it sucks. just the miserable lingering deathwatch of winter, the shittiest season

29:What is a strange talent that you have?

man idk i’m a bit boring. i have pretty Keen color vision and also tend to be good at telling if things are Parallel / Perpendicular or not. fun!!!!!!!!!

31:Why did one of your friendships end?

uhhh they tend to fade out.....my friends from school was like, oops i’m going to college bye, never really talk to you people anymore b/c who needs facebook.....then it’s like oops we’re not in college, we’re twitter mutuals but that’s about it..........and even with the Internet Friend Circle i was around for the longest it was eventually like “oh i don’t really Like half of you that much” and i wasn’t really in the sub-friend-circles that formed there so i just kind of sidled off into my own corner. every “just say you have no friends and go” zinger fired off here by people who i guess want to make fun of people who don’t have friends is About Me. i was pwned

37:What is word that you always seem to spell wrong?

i Think i have camaraderie down at this point.....uh connoisseur?? i think that might be right now too....french things......i have to think about separation pretty much each time

41:When was the last time you got really really happy and why?

wow really Really is a tall order..........idk i can get pretty happy when i’m just excited about whatever. and if i’m also getting Interactions about it, that’s like, just further mood boost. cuz i’m actually a Social Person, i can just like only really talk about that shit i like. so when i can do that it’s like oh, fuck yes.......beyond that uhhhhhh. 

43:How do you start a conversation?

lmao..............i almost never do. over a Shared Interest though if anything

47:What is your favorite series of books?

hmm i’ve never read That many series!! i guess book for book i gotta go for the usual answer, the ya ashbury-brookfield series by jaclyn moriarty, which can count as standalones.........i related to a lot of really varied characters but it’s usually like “#me but i don’t do that” in that i don’t externally tend to act like the faves i point to to be like Mood, but if there’s any character that’s pretty much externally what i’m like it’s briony from the murder of bindy mackenzie

[sceawere]

My Fic Masterlist

Alfie Solomons:

ar maidin | alfie solomons/reader | fluffy as all get out, give that boy a nap, also mild sexual suggestion just ya know [wc:1466]

truce | alfie solomons/shelby!reader | set after ‘ar maidin’ | talk of feelings, angstyness, everyone gets cuteness in the end, also mild sexual suggestion bc ya know [wc:1825]

an oíche | alfie solomons/shelby!reader | set after ‘ar maidin’ and ‘truce’ | it’s important to share traditions and make your big gangster husbands sleep in a field sometimes k [wc:1332]

mo mhadra | alfie solomons/reader | they get a puppy in a typical alfie way (mild mention of animal abuse just a heads up) [wc:1065]

an post | alfie solomons/reader | anon request, worker!reader, bigsister!reader, domestic!alfie | you start working for alfie to support your siblings, end up falling in love [wc:5667]

uncail | alfie solomons/reader | set after ‘an post’, domestic goodness, mild sexual suggestion [wc:1359]

an leanbh | alfie solomons/reader | dad!alfie basking in the glow of newborness, you’ll weep and then ovulate [wc:465]

feicim tú | alfie solomons | request: childhood friend/love returns from absence, witnesses his violence [wc:3875]

live in | alfie solomons/reader | thelandattheendofourtoesgoeson requested maid!reader | alfie doing business stuff, cuteness, everyone who works for him is best friends, mention of dogs, presence of dogs, oh woah surprise they’re endgame, there is a cute nana who bosses alfie around, domestic!alfie is the best kind, just get married and grow old together already [wc: 1527]

fáilte abhaile | dad!alfie | who left this man alone with children? pls protect this giant gruff gangster and his sassy offspring [wc: 799]

an deireadh seachtaine | alfie solomons | anon wanted more sleepy alfie, doggies, domesticity, polly putting him in his place [wc: 1123]

battle plans | alfie solomons | anon wanted alfie angst | killed in the line of duty, crime boss wife holding up her end, let me speak to you some truth, bear thy soul, bear thy soul [wc: 1313]

snippet: dad!alfie |  a combination of an @ATELIEFLORESDAPRIMAVERA headcanon and the fact that my dad always used to call me ‘his poor little wounded soldier’ when i was ill as a child | alfie is alfie, alcohol is medicinal, right? cuteness but also seriously pls supervise this man [wc:152]

bosses | alfie solomons | the bakerstreetdragon requested boss wife | what else do you expect from a woman who would marry alfie? i mean [wc: 433]

the other one | alfie solomons | anon requested tommy’s twin, who is a nurse, and alfie | she doesn’t take no shit but she does enjoy herself, if tommy is sassy then so is she, alfie needs looking after, tommy is unimpressed as usual, oh well would you look at that we’re stuck in this flat together better get comfy hey buddy [wc: 2202]

the peace process | alfie solomons/twin!reader | set in the same verse as ‘the other one’, tommy’s twin is a little shit, knows exactly how to work a room, polly taught this girl good, wait woops looks like we have to fake a relaTIONSHIP, hold ma hand, oh buddy oh pal is alfie blushing? [wc: 1927]

diamonds | alfie solomons/shelby!reader | anon wanted irl jeweller alfie | awkward big brother tommy doing his best prom night shtick, alfie is a flustered cutie pie [wc: 1342]

tell me all about it | alfie + polly are best friends and also founding members of the ‘tommy shelby ain’t shit’ club [wc: 311]

reassurance |  anon wanted alfie being looked after and also being a cute little shit [wc: 567]

domestic!alfie snippets | thinemineours wanted more domestic alfie - ranges of verses that reference ‘mo mhadra’ and ‘fáilte abhaile’ [wc: 1000]

birthday | ateliefloresdaprimavera requested alfie and the kids being cute to reader on her birthday and also there’s a how did you meet story time - ties the  ‘FÁILTE ABHAILE’ verse to ‘THE OTHER ONE’ and ‘THE PEACE PROCESS’ [wc: 1119]

razor blades | alfie and arthur fall victim to mischievous kids and clumsy wives [wc: 502]

the keepsake | samascara requested a good old bag-of-flour baby test [wc: 1828]

the proposal | anon requested stumbling alfie trying to propose and i did it in what i think would be typical alfie fashion: go big or go dig a grave. or both [wc: 1716]

soulmates snippet | alfie/shelby!reader | cute couple chat abt murdering each other woops [wc: 227]

the races | alfie/reader | alfie’s girlfriend is smarter than he is or at least has better inside knowledge [wc: 535]

kids and pups | alfie/reader | anon requested alfie/reader babysitting johns kids and also the dog is here, alfie dishes out some male role model wisdom, katty continues to be a delight [wc: 926]

dad!alfie snippets | alfie really isn’t sure about this whole offspring thing, reggie has truly been a little shit since utero [wc: 692]

protector | alfie/reader | thunderstorms can get scary and alfie can get soft [wc: 905]

warm milk | alfie + daisy | alfie being a dad makes me want to weep, daisy has a nightmare, alfie makes it better [wc: 1083]

crush | alfie/reader | age difference gives alfie the temporary heebie-jeebies, reader tells him to take a running jump [wc: 3455]

another time pt. 1 | alfie/reader | girllostinthewoods requested time travel fic - first in a series tbc [wc: 1276]

rsvps | alfie/reader | weddings are stressful, brothers are dicks, and turns out warehouses are flammable[wc: 1493]

halves | alfie/reader | oh buddy alfie pal is really not sure about this offspring thing [wc: 1567]

Finn Shelby:

an leabharlann | finn shelby/librarian | fluffyluffy teenage crush shit woah buddy my small son [wc:2736]

an leabharlann - part 2 | finn shelby/librarian | fluff with brothers taking the piss [wc:2578]

an leabharlann - part 3 | finny shelby/librarian | *weeping* i just want them to be happy and in love [wc:1442]

Michael Gray:

ask me again in the morning | michael gray/reader | you get drunk with polly and then we delve into the marshmallow fluff just a whole jar of the stuff [wc:1836]

twin snippets - kind of a sequel to iníon? | anyway sibling squabbling and michael being cute

athair | michael gray/reader | theaqueenakaspeedy requested: you’re Father Hughes daughter and you date Michael (after months he founds out who’s your dad), when Charlie is kidnapped he ask where your dad is he tells u what the priest does to kids what he did to him, them when he’s arrested you heard the officer saying that Michael kill your dad. | we’ve got angst, we’ve got angst, we’ve got annnggsstttt | also warning for vague mentions of child abuse [wc: 2666]

toast | michael gray/reader | drunk!michael fluff [wc: 773]

flower crowns | michael gray/reader | michael somehow bagged a delightful flower child and oh buddy are they cutesy [wc: 529]

finders keepers | michael gray/reader | anon requested tommy’s errand girl and michael sharing similar pasts finding each other [wc: 2158]

John Shelby:

these moments | request: happy marriage, polly’s surrogate daughter | badass wife, dad!john, ppl genuinely in love, their daughter katie is a polly in training and there’s a vv cute leanbh beag bc why not also i used john’s canon aversion to gendered slurs bc yes my son get it boy [wc:2435]

come home safe | anon wanted reader calming john down after a murder [wc: 966]

sister-in-law | anon requested john and ada’s best friend, pre-war bbs who don’t know what’s gonna hit them, cute dreaming of the future, only half joking about spending the rest of our damn lives together [wc: 1631]

schooldays | john shelby | prequel to ‘these moments’, explains a reference in ‘tm’, tiny john being cute but also a little shit [wc: 797]

three rings | set between schooldays and these moments | [wc: 977]

what could have been | tied to schooldays, these moments, and three rings, buy a damn gunsafe people | [wc: 1826]

sister | john + reader + daughter | anon requested john’s daughter not talking to reader bc she’s afraid their new baby will be a girl, cutesy parental stuff [wc: 938]

Polly Gray:

iníon | polly gray+daughter!reader | anon request: reader is michael’s twin, separated from family/adopted separately, goes to search for polly | search for adoptive mother, mild criminal activity involving records, arthur is a teddy bear, tommy is himself, michael is tommy jr, long long twins pissing each other off in their quest for emotional fulfilment, is it day drinking or midnight snacks?, polly is getting a babe for a son-in-law i can see it happening [wc: 4579]

untitled snippet | anon wanted more polly/alfie [wc: 168]

settle | polly gray+daughter!reader | drabble cos i’m sick and polly is lovely [wc: 298]

considerations | polly gray+shelby!reader | [wc: 869]

Tommy Shelby:

táimid naimhde sa chathair | tommy shelby/reader | anon request: childhood love, broken apart, reader moves to london, works in sabini’s club, engaged to his son, tommy decides to walk back in and cause shit as usual [wc:2656]

táimid naimhde sa chathair | tommy shelby/reader part 2 | reader bins a guy who does not deserve her, hailee steinfield’s ‘love myself’ plays heavily in the background, cool girls who don’t let a stupid boy get in the way of their friendship, she just wants tommy to be happy bc she’s a goddamn grown up [wc:1624]

táimid naimhde sa chathair | tommy shelby/reader part 3 | alfie turns up and comments on relationships and now i want to read his agony aunt column, getting drunk with cute russians is my favourite thing to do too!, soul baring, soul baring, SOUL BARING, i loved you once, i’ll love you forever, boy get your head together cos if you wanna be my lover oh no wait that song doesn’t work but the sentiment if thereord count [wc: 1458]

welcome home soldier | tommy shelby/reader | request: reader meets tommy through letter during the war, wartime letter romance, my sad soldiers sons let me hold you, tommy being a little shit, military antics, polly manages to be present yet again bc i will work her into ANY prompt possible, pls just let everyone be happy [wc: 3366]

snippet: dad!tommy | anon wanted more of the guys as dads so i’m going to write snippets | tommy’s kids get creative, their mother is not impressed [wc: 213]

sun + sums: dad!tommy snippets | the babies have a name now! also they’re delightful. etta does sums and also eats sand. violet is on this shit work work work work work work. tommy’s ya know. [wc: 756]

sense | tommy/reader, lil bit of alfie | childhood sweethearts, war feelings, alfie obliviously flirting, tommy’s wife is a spitfire [wc: 1246]

Isaiah Jesus:

do dheartháireacha | isaiah/shelby!reader | anon request: isaiah is crushing on shelby sister, her brothers get his act together | cute drunken-ness, are we friends or are we gonna make out? just asking for a friend?, john being john, mentions of pol being a bamf, isaiah is a cutie pls protect him [wc: 1737]

get real | isaiah/reader | anon wanted isaiah fluff and sneaking around/getting caught | cute domesticity, deal with your feelings ppl, i just want to snuggle?, polly doing her thing [wc: 1433]

surprises | isaiah/reader | the course of trying to turn up to your boyfriends house in fancy underwear never did run smooth [wc: 567]

miracle | isaiah/reader | imagine the bbs though [wc: 798]

Arthur Shelby:

read to me | arthur shelby/reader | anon request: librarian!reader, helps arthur with his ptsd, mentions of philosophy bc i have to use that qualification for something, my sad sonhusband pls be happy and find peace, mistreatment of books, cute bathtimes, mild sexual suggestion? [wc: 822]

the garrison | arthur shelby/nurse!reader | yjrevolution requested arthur and his nurse, boss lady who is also v sad, we found love in a hopeless place, here let us bond over trauma, cutesyness, polly approves, i just want my poor love to be happy [wc: 2926]

dad!arthur snippets | samascara requested dad!arthur snippets and since my true otp is arthur+happiness i obliged [wc: 629]

Ada Shelby:

no-name | samascara wanted ada and her girl friend *sitting in a tree, k i s s-*, anyway cute artist girlfriend antics and lovely domesticity [wc: 2001]

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