#MLC deserves all these awards so much though

[gunsatthaphan]

😭😭😭

[zoeology31]

Which MLB team is most like the Yellowstone Magic?

Blaseball is back, baby! Sort of. First we’re finishing up a multi-week expansion draft-style period where all the old players fall out of the black hole that ate the league last year and onto their new teams. If you want to follow along, enter your email on Blaseball.com so we can unlock more prizes together.

But anyway, with the baseball season wound down and the blaseball season winding up, I thought I’d do a little crossover comparison to see which MLB team best matches the history, style, and vibes of my Yellowstone Magic.

Part 1: Historical Performance

The Magic have spent much of our history as an average-to-bad team, interspersed with occasional 0 No-powered playoff runs that always fall short of the Internet Series. We found consistent success with above-.500 records from seasons 13-18, but suffered a narrow MLCS loss to the Moist Talkers in season 14. After that, our playoff core was lost to redaction, and our “Magic 8 Ball” 8-player roster was bounced in the first round of the season 17 playoffs by the Fridays.

This lack of playoff success characterizes the Magic; in fact, the Magic and Dale are the only non-expansion teams to never appear in an Internet Series (both have, however, won the Underbracket Series). The MLB teams most like this are, of course, the six teams that have never won a World Series: the Brewers, Mariners, Padres, Rangers, Rays, and Rockies.

Part 2: Natural Vibes

Being the only team based in a national park, the Magic have cultivated an air of mysticism and the natural environment. Much of the lore for our homegrown players has developed around one or both of these two concepts: a geyser, a coyote, a cyanobacteria colony, a wizard, a devilish goatman, a shadowy, unquantifiable being, multiple rock formations. Among the fanbase, the focus on nature also encourages a balanced, mossy mood, promoting good vibes and an appreciation of the world around us.

The Magic are a team with a rich history, but one of nature and ancient forces rather than urban environments and industry. Obviously every MLB team is based in an urban area, but western teams tend to lean into more natural aesthetics. In particular, the Angels and Rockies ballparks both feature forested natural landscapes in center field.

Part 3: The Starpark Stats

Stats and strategy discussion for the Magic usually centers around improving pitching and defense. The team has always had a decent lineup, built around 0 No and boosted by a well-sequenced top of the batting order and various short-lived combos like the Coven. Aside from very early seasons, though, the team had major holes in important defensive stats. This hurt less optimized pitchers like Inky Rutledge, and even our best pitchers in Curry Aliciakeyes and King Weatherman didn’t stack up to powerhouses on other teams.

Defense in MLB is hard to quantify over multiple seasons, but as far as pitching: the Orioles, Pirates, and White Sox all have 30+ year Cy Young award droughts, while the Rangers, Reds*, and Rockies have never won a Cy Young. 

*By order of me, the 2020 NL Cy Young winner is now Yu Darvish by virtue of he deserves one and fuck the other guy.

Conclusion:

The MLB team most like the Yellowstone Magic is... the Colorado Rockies!

Located in Denver, Colorado, the Rockies are the closest geographical team to Yellowstone National Park, and the park lies within their eponymous mountain range. They have made only five trips to the playoffs since being founded in 1993, and only once made it past the division series: during the 2007 “Rocktober” campaign where they swept the NLDS and NLCS only to be swept in the World Series.

Like the Magic, the Rockies are known as a high-offense, low-pitching team; the large dimensions of their home park, Coors Field, are offset by the offense-boosting high altitude. In their 30 years of existence, they have won 11 NL batting titles. Coors Field is extremely well-attended despite the Rockies’ mediocre performance, consistently placing in the top quarter of league attendance, similar to the Magic’s comparatively large fanbase among blaseball teams.

Some other facts about the Rockies that fit the vibes of the Magic:

They have a unique color scheme in MLB: purple and black

They have only one representative in the Hall of Fame

16 players have won a combined 32 Silver Slugger awards

The altitude of Coors Field requires unique strategies for pitching, hitting, and fielding

Coors Field has a row of purple seats representing the mile-high altitude line

The Coors Field bullpen contains a small forest and water feature

There have been several viral instances of opposing pitchers hanging out in said forest

Dinosaur bones were discovered when constructing Coors Field

Because of this, the Rockies’ mascot is a purple triceratops named Dinger

Their triple-A affiliate team is the Albuquerque Isotopes