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metamorphosingbrick · 4 years

Text

One last time

st He is back and i have no clue whow to deal with the vaccum. I have no feelings but my heart starts beating really fast. I dont want to care to be honest but the truth cannot be denied. It feels awfully bad to not have what you desire and that person living under the same roof.

This is probably the last time i will mention anyone, anything- I will probably stay silent. Choose to stay quiet in the lot and be on my own. I want to be the girl i was who when someone ignored, went right upto them to remind them that I gnore your more than he ignored me.

I wish to be the fearless girl who once in office just knew that every problem has a solution and it cannot be justified if someone did not come up with one. Live is much difficult around here to give two fucks to be honest.

I want to validate every thought but not with you anymore. I have greater things to do and more important things to take care of. So, i am going to just study and get done with my part of the job. The main idea is to not lose focus and concentrate as much as possible in my life.

We all fall apart but giving up is not an option. We don’t give up on situations because every problem has a solution. Studies are better than exam - they love you if you love them dearly. Better than cigarettes which does not ruin your health or wealth. You say no to them and a no means no. Anxiety or no anxiety, it does not make sense if one has to deliver eveything by themselves. Every task on this face of earth is doable.

Except making a person love you or care for you. Stay silent and that’s all which can be regarded. Just shut yourself down and you’ll know how many things you notice and observe

We cannot take into account the beauty of concealing the scars. What we can regard as important is the emrgence of understanding the dept of the wound and how things can be responded in accordnace to that. The wounds will be lovely in the skin, a gush of invisible blood - pouring into the ears of people. It is the expectation and desire of human which makes a person hover over the flat surface and cry out loud for the point it is required to make. The dramatic dilemma added into the soil can be understood wth the tears flushed down the drain.

This is a situation i cannot run over in my head but simply behave with the flow. The love is incurable disease which once entered our heart - it shuts logic down. It becomes inexplicable to the people in front with the idea of incurabiliy and no ray of hope or no light in the end of the tunnel. We can rejoice with the choices made over the past or just accept the incurability of the situation. It is a virus which runs through our blood and probably an external blow of injection can cure the disease. The crying or leaking your feelings over others will make things worst. This year has already taught me so many lessons, it becomes a beautiful journey in itself to enjoy and ponder on.

Starting from the new year’s eve, the night where i wrapped myself with a human who was no stranger to my heartbeats and enjoyed the power he had over me. The fun and frolic a person feels when they have the other perosn over their impression is a beautiful feeling. I know because i am no starnber to the spell myself. It’s an unconscious thing. Trying ot handle every part of my asisgnment which coudl not be caotured in the rear view of the situation but alas, i lost the hope and faith. But from 16th I reconquered myself with the amount of life i need to breathe in a few justification of success. A thridt to prve myself my value and if i see a hollistic view, the pang and animosity will take me noweher but breaking the jedgements of peopel and the fun of tastig success will be my endeavour. I will recapture every battle i lose wih the grace of god and balance my life the way i want it to go. Not wasting more than 10 minutes talking. Not bothering about anybdy exceot the people i really care aboutlike my family. Not talking and wasting time over love and bullshit. There is no thing as love. What someone said recently to me, was the idea of being emotionally stable which is important. If someone can be logical and practical in controlling their emotions- they win the battles in life and rule the world. When i pass this course, i will rule over the world and enjoy my life to the fullest like everyday is my last.

The most achieveable things is what you dream and if you can dream it, you can do it. Finishing everyday goals through taking action and making the world a better place by contributing your ideas for betterment. I know no guy will be with me until i learn to be with myself. At that time i was ready to be with myself hence somoene could love me. I was willing to help through the process to myself and heart break was not a big deal to run through.

You see yourself, 5 years down the line. I can see a heart broken girl who has hidden her feelings and emotions inside her files and papers. A very cynical individual who does not beleieve in stopping the wheel, who believes in breaking the wheel and asking people to run behind her in every sense. People will treat ourselves as we treat us, if i treat myself with repsect - people will do the same. If i am all work and no play then they will take me serously, how difficult is it, to make things different without context. One thing i have learnt firstly in this house more because of steoehn is how to ignore things whenever possible. Ignoring people followed by ignoring the person’s feelings. But no more, i will treat myself according to the time gifted to me by the universe. Utilise every bit of it and relish the ideas to make myself a better human my parents would be proud of. It’s true when maa said that when things go wrong, they blame the mothers and daughters themselves. Each day i will remind myself of all teh sufferings i went through to be a part of this universe. the anxiety and horror of the situation which i faced just to emerge enlightened and loved by myself. I will commit from today onwards to my books and career because it wont wake up one morning and say i dont like you like that anymore or god wanted this to happened and leave. I will have a stable guy who i dont love and be independent of all the needs and desires.

From today onwards, i will talk less and less possible and work more and more as i advance. No give a shit about what people feel and just do my work like laying the brick mostly perfectly as a brick can be laid. The watch is the time keeper which will witness my chnage and sing with joy in every success melody. I will talk more logical and insightfully by doing homeowrk and keeping lists.

The world is there to eatch you and not punish you. Just the humans are not believeable and not worth spending time about. My phone and anxiety will be doble tapped to knock out. The peron beside me will hear no voice of mine untill - he or she thins i am intimidating. The world would be a different place and I would be a different perosn. The one who just talks when required and every word would make more sense to everyone that they will quote me. That is how i want to be, knwoledgeable and bold, Who cannot be hurt or bend over to have fun with or bullied to the point where she shuts and reflects on her decisions. There will be no advancement in the issues anymore and everything i say will be taken seriously with the idea that my words add value to the world. Be it James or Stephen, nobody can come cose to the idea because i wont be scraed or timid or expressive anymore but bold, fearless and unapproachable. We all change and become the humans we were destined to be, I will be the same and i will be successful in everything i touch because i will lay the brick as perfectly a brick can be laid to build the wall around me to not let people see my emotions.I will be that person quite soon. We come into the world with a purpose, when someone is earning money, nobody cares to ask the rank because its evident that money is equal to a high rank. I will recah that rank very soon and accomplish what i have came here to accomplish. In the coming months, I will talk less without emotions getting involved, pull my guards up and not talk that i will regret and stay away from Stephen. laugh and smile less to the point where people see a serious face. The interesting thing wil always be how people thought i was the fool who understood nothing but i will turn out to be the branie. Yes, this reuqires practise but learning the hard way - we change ourseleves and becime who we were destined to become. No talkings and not caring what they say about you - we are the real deal. I can visualise my tomorrow starting to end the Agile framework by 3 and lseeping till 7 am to wake up and go for a run for 15 mins and yoga for 10 minutes with stretch and surya namaskar - this goes with a bath and then leaving for college to work on the case study. I will discuss and put forward right points to the meeting and make james think and go yes. I will conquer tomorrow’s discussion. Post meeting i will start off iwth the 5th and 6th prt of agile by 4pm. Sit with Shalu from 4 to 6 to start my campaign on marketing for movies. Make a logo and download adobe to create an instagram channel talking weekly themes and genres and wriitng how it could have been marketed differently. How movie marketing can be started off with the blend of digital media and outdoor campaigns. best of movie outdoor campaigns- best ambient movie ad- how can you apply it too ypur shirt documentary - collab with documentary. Then come back home to read the questions and answers to explore the qestions in the website. This can be followed by reading up all the questions and answers in the leaflet to understand the frameworks and agile techniques again. tomorrow i wont be clulesless and thisis exactly how the day wil go and I will learn to do smart work. this would make me regret less about my existence as i am in control of every frame of the situation. Love the way you can behave and make things better ofr good of the people. DOnt forget to eat fruits and not smoke and pray to god for such a life. You are talented and gifted but the actions you atke now, the future self will be proud of you. Beautiful in every way possible. Love you and love your ideas. Talk less, remember to control your emotions and not react to everything. You protect yourself and if you mean no harm to anyone then yes, you should not feel bad about anything. I love you a lot

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