#MatthijsvanHeijningenJr.

[adamwatchesmovies]

The Thing (2011)

When I initially saw 2011's The Thing, I enjoyed it knowing fully well that was a far reach from the 1982 film it serves as a prequel to. Now, all I see is a pale imitation, a picture with few original ideas that was misguided from the start.

Set in the Norwegian research base found in ruins at the beginning of 1982's The Thing, we follow American paleontologist Kate Lloyd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead). She's been recruited by Dr. Sander Halovorson (Ulrich Thomsen) to investigate the frozen remains of an alien in the Arctic. When the creature thaws and escapes, it displays the unique ability to absorb and mimic any organism it comes into contact with. The paranoia sets in as Kate searches for the imitation(s) among the researchers.

It's impossible not to draw comparisons between The Thing and The Thing. They've got the same name, which is annoying to the fans it lured in with promises of "more". Unfortunately, they'll recognize it as a beat-for-beat inferior imitator. Take the titular alien - this hostile alien creature that warps human forms and attacks with writhing collections of limbs, tentacles, circular maws, and clawed hands. What we see here never captures the look or feel of the practical effects that have made the OG a classic. Instead, we get CGI effects around every corner, effects that are already dated just a few years later.

It isn't merely the obvious stuff. It's the details as well. Remember McReady coming up with a crude blood test? How he’d take a hot wire and use it to poke blood samples? Alien blood would freak out. Human would only sizzle. There’s an equivalent here that has characters look into each other’s mouths for fillings. The Thing can’t imitate inorganic material so if your teeth are clean, you’re human. It's clever, but in terms of filmmaking, it's not nearly as effective. People drawing blood by cutting themselves is cringe-inducing and it amps the unease/paranoia. Do you look at the blood dripping or the person getting cut? The anticipation builds as the needle draws near. What's next? Looking into someone’s mouth for cavities is easy. Too easy. The scary thing about the blood test is that once you leave the room and come back, there’s no way for anyone to tell if you’re human unless you administer the test again, starting the process of tension-building all over. With the teeth, it’s immediately detectable if someone has changed. It’s an example of a choice that in real-life makes sense but story-wise is incorrect.

Even as a standalone picture, this Thing is not good. The anxiety it creates is quickly undone by big, loud sequences where people are slaughtered left and right. The characters frequently make unbelievably stupid choices or manage the impossible. There are false scares throughout, the climax is poorly written. It’s a horror film that’s not scary, a thriller that’s not exciting. It doesn't convince as a period piece and Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. seems to have learned nothing since 1982. It all feels like something you’ve seen before, even if you’re unfamiliar with John Carpenter’s horror classic.

I can’t believe I once saw The Thing and liked it. Actually, I can because it isn’t all that bad on the surface, it’s once you sit and think about it that you feel the disappointment. In some ways, that makes it worse than an outright bad movie. (On DVD, July 29, 2016)

[netflixcenter]

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[theenthusiasticcinephile]

The Thing

1 hour 43 minutes

Rated R (Strong Creature Violence and Gore, Distubing Images, and Language)

Directed by Matthijs van Heijningen Jr.

Starring Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Joel Edgerton, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Ulrich Thomsen, Eric Christian Olsen, and Trond Espen Seim

2 out of 4 stars

THIS IS A 2011 MOVIE. ON DVD NOW.

John Carpenter's The Thing (1982) is a sci-fi horror classic that no one should mess with. It's a remake/reboot of The Thing from Another World (1951), a cheesy black and white B-movie about a giant alien man who terrorizes a group of people at an Arctic outpost. The same thing happens in Carpenter's version except it's an all male cast and there's a catch: The "Thing" can imitate people. This causes paranoia within the guys because one of them is not who they say they are. The movie is totally awesome. The gore and prosthetic makeup of The Thing are over-the-top but realistic, and the movie's atmosphere is just plain creepy. Many times all we hear is the sound of the roaring wind in the white barren land. Just imagine it: you're stuck in the middle of the Arctic with an alien monster that wants to kill you. And I thought freezing to death was my biggest fear.

Last fall Universal Pictures came out with a prequel/reboot of the classic. I was gonna see it, but then it got mild-bad reviews and only ended up earning a worldwide 27 million on a 38 million dollar budget. I got to watch it last night and it only made me wanna turn on the 1982 version. It's well-acted and has a few jump-out-of-your-seat scares, but the special effects are too computerized. We have come a long way in the special effects department and we should feel proud. The trailer for Sam Raimi's Wizard of Oz prequel, Oz, the Great and Powerful, was just released last week and the special effects look INCREDIBLE. If you wanna reboot The Thing, however, then you really can't use big special effects, unless they look super super super super super authentic. Here the special effects don't make The Thing scary because they make it look fake and kinda lame. There's a scene in the original where the top of The Thing's head opens up, picks up a guy, flips him upside-down, and then puts the guy's head in its, uh, head. Is it all CGI and fake-looking? No. It's all prosthetics and it works just perfectly. When The Thing attacks people in this movie, the gore and body severing is just crafted from a computer.

Mary Elizabeth Winstead is pretty good here as the heroine, a paleontologist who is called out to investigate a flying saucer found beneath the ice in a Norwegian base and the dead/actually alive alien that's with it. She almost tries to act like Sigourney Weaver from Alien but she can't beat that woman. The whole paranoia wait-a-sec-one-of-us-is-the-thing-who-can-we-trust part of the movie is pretty well-done but it's not as intense as it was in the original. There were so many times when I kept saying "No! Please don't burn The Thing again because you know it's not gonna work." Seriously, The Thing is burned a hundred times here. Think of another plan to kill it, people! The Thing isn't horrendous. It just reminds me of how awesome gory prosthetic effects used to be in the olden days. Special effects can be great, but I'd love if Hollywood went back to the cheesy prosthetics.