#More shenanigans('U know what?my next car after this one blows up again. is gonna be an SUV')

[benjaminjofaiho]

The Captain Next Door Ch.1

Summary: You’re a doctor who also just so happens to be a fan fiction writer. You love lots of fandoms but Captain America is by far your fave, so what happens when you get a new job, move to Brooklyn and realize that the brownstone you bought is right next door to Captain America? Obviously shenanigans ensue.

Warnings: cursing, smutt (eventually)

Authors note: Ok guys, this is literally my first fanfic and it’s about the Cap. Please be gentle! Also guys I really do live for a slow burn so that will be present heavy, I hope you can stick with it. Let me know what you think and please, reblog, like and comment! Love y'all! P.S. I do not currently have a beta and the ‘f’ and ‘u’ keys on my keyboard are messed up so incase you see repeating letters anywhere they aren’t supposed to be feel free to let me know.

   You wiped the sweat forming on your head from the sweltering Brooklyn heat. You were from Texas but this was definitely more than you were used to, or expected from everything you’ve seen on TV about New York. You sat on the stoop of your Brooklyn Brownstone waiting and started to think back. Three months ago you were in your parents living room opening up a heavy envelope from a hospital you’ve only dreamed of. Your father beamed from ear to ear, chest swelling with pride and tears were already in your mom’s eyes the moment a paper cutter went through the envelope. Your eyes flew across the page “Y/FN Y/LN, We would like to offer you the position of Head of Cardiology here at Mount Sinai...” everything else had been a blur. All your sleepless nights in college, all the anxiety, stress, sacrifices of missed birthdays and family gatherings, all of it had lead up to this moment and it had all been worth it. Your job started in the next 5 months and you had to pack up your Texan life and move all the way to the ‘big Apple’ as your dad called it. Besides the fact that you were infatuated with the city since you were a little girl, you were ready for a change of scenery. There were so many good memories here in Fort Worth but thanks to your asshole ex, Daniel, there were also a lot of sour ones as well. Your parents and your younger siblings helped you pack up your little house that was just  15 minutes from theirs. You were able to get everything done in about 2 weeks. At the airport your family saw you off. Your younger brother, Benjamin, eyes were red.

           “Aww baby brother are you crying because you’re going to miss me?” you pinched at his cheeks.

           Swatting your hand away he chuckled “Nah, I’m just thinking about how you’re gonna be in a whole nother state bossing people around and how you’ll finally be able to mind your own business and stay out of mine.” You hugged him and he bent down so you could kiss his forehead. Even though you were 26, a whole 7 years older than him and 5’8, he still towered above you.

           Turing to your 3 youngest sisters, Joy, Faith and Hope. Their names a testament to just how southern and Christian your parents were. They were huddled together crying freely, looking like little black angels in a chapel. You hugged each of them while the youngest, Hope, held on the longest. You hugged her until she was ready to let go. You kissed Faith on the cheek and moved to turn to your parents. The third oldest Joy grabbed you and hugged you once again, fiercley. She whispered in your ear “Y/N, I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to take care of them the way you took care of us, what are we gonna do without you?”

           You looked into her brown eyes “Joy, babe all you have to do is love them. Also I’m just a FaceTime call away, PLUS I’m a big shot doctor so it ain’t nothing for me to hop on a plane for y’all. Girl I got monnneeyyyy” That managed to get a little laugh from her and you stepped back to look at your siblings. Technically yes, they were your younger ones but due to the large age gap you always looked at them as your children, your babies. The 4 of them huddled around you once more and hugged. You turned to your dad who was never one to shy away from his emotions, was all but balling.

           “Come on dad, you gotta hold it together man!” he laughed and wiped at his cheeks

“I’m just so proud of you baby girl, you inspire your brother and sisters to do more, your mother and I have always told you that, but I never told you, you inspire me to. I am beyond proud of you.”

           “Aw dad, I love you so much” Pulling you into one of his patented hugs he said “I love you too. You’re going to the big apple now Doc, make sure you take a bite” Kissing your forehead you turned to face your mom. Oh boy. Of you made it through this one you would be home free, no ugly snot face crying. She gave you the best smile she could and that was it. The dam broke and you were sobbing. She hugged you and told you how proud of you she was, how you were a shining light for your siblings and the family as a whole. She told you that she also packed some food from home in your suitcase so you could settle in a little easier. You looked at her with a heart full of nothing but love. You were a little neurotic, and had a tendency to be anal retentive, planning and sticking to strict schedule for everything, predicting 10’000 possible outcomes to any situation but your mother was always there for you. Always remembering anything you didn’t. You thought of how she was really the only one you would let see vulnerable and take care of you. You would miss that in New York. Picking up your hand luggage you were whisked through security thanks to your first class ticket. Turning once more now passed security you stood up on your tip toes and waved emphatically to your family, not caring who saw you or them looking crazy. Your family had already been a little above average but this new job allowed you to even buy your wants not just your needs. You settled down in your chair and noticed only a handful of people were in your cabin. A stewardess came to offer you some champagne and you politely declined. Looking out the window a few seconds letting the last tear fall you put your curly hair up, you had to get to work.

           So yes, you were a doctor and that was all good and fun but you were also a huge nerd. Huge. While most people went to the club, concerts and generally having pretty good times outdoors you were stuck at home. Even when not studying you were still stuck to your computer. Once your family insisted on going to six flags and you brought your ipad with the attachable keyboard and your family kept talking about how dedicated of a student turned intern turned full-fledged doctor you were. If only they knew… You were working on your fanfiction and your followers and subbies were a bunch of savages! If they didn’t get their fix from you and you didn't stick to your upload schedule, your inbox would definitely be a madness, all sorts of threats and your lovelies would call you everything but a child of God. You’d been away for about a month and a few days now and your beta, Jay had started texting your actual phone. You met Jay on Tumblr a few years before, there had been some light flirtation always present but never anything serious. You worked better as friends and when you decided to get into fanfiction to blow steam off, he proved a good beta reader.

TXT From Jay: Doc! Where the hell are you at? Your rabid readers are jumping down my throat trying to you. Why you would leave a major cliffhanger for Captain America, and Sonia I have no idea. They want to know what’s happening next, low key I do too.

           You giggled. You thought of everything, you knew setting up a completely unaffiliated and untraceable account for your writing was a good idea. 1- you didn't want angry people in your inbox losing their minds. 2- You’ve been going for interviews and you didn't want a case where a potential employer would google your name and see all the filth you think about earth’s mightiest heroes and other people who don’t even exist. No way, you couldn't have that type of rep attached to you.

TXT From Y/N: Jaybaby, I’ve been going through it. Sorry, just been in the process of moving and you know life can get a little messy. Plus I really needed a break. Funnily enough I’m working on The Dangerous Dame right now. I’ll send the new chapter to you within the week. XO

Thinking back to seeing the avengers save New York you were grateful for them. They were kicking ass and taking names. Keeping all of us safe but damn if they weren’t all so fine. And you did mean ALL. To be honest that Natasha could. Get. It. All of them could get it. But there was something about that Captain America. He was sort of shy and had a boyish charm about him but that body made you think of pure sin. You wanted to wrap yourself around him and never let him go. You wanted to do nasty things to him. You wanted him to completely demolish you. So you did what everyone who is obsessed with anyone does. Try and consume as much media about said person as possible. Hey, It is the golden age of technology after all. After having your fill of random fan pictures, blurry videos of him in action you needed more stimulus. Where better to turn than Tumblr. Much to your dismay, there was barely any Cap Fanfic and when there was there was so little reader insert. And even then, there was literally less than 10 where he was actually into a black woman. This wouldn't do, you thought to yourself. That’s how Doctor Chris was born. Of course his name was Steve but he always sort of looked like a Chris to you. You didn’t just write about him but other people too, your stories took off and were a good escape from your hectic life.

           A car pulled up to you on your empty street and a short round man with a very stereotypical New Yorker accent shouted up to you, shaking you our of your memories

           “Ay lady, are you” his beady eyes peered at a piece of paper “Y/N? Are you Y/N?”

           “Yes that’s me”

           “Alright come get your unit, and not to be rude or anything but could you make it snappy? I got to make 15 more deliveries before the day is over.”

You slowly rose “Alright, I understand. However I paid for the delivery service? Aren’t y’all supposed to put it in my house?”

           “Lady you paid for the delivery service, not the installation service. That's another fee.”

           “I understand that” You replied still confused “ But I thought you would deliver it into my home.”

        ��  “No way lady, that’s the set up service. You paid for the delivery service. That's an entirely different fee.” He repeated.

           “Understood” Your lips pulled into a flat line “Well sir could you at least help me get it into the first floor of my house?”

           “Did you pay for transportation insurance?”

           “….no…I didn-”  he cut you off “Well sorry Lady, I can’t help you.”

           “You can’t help me off load this huge AC and just carry it up 7 measly steps with me?”

           “Nope, can’t do it. It’s against company policy. Say I should look up at a pretty bird cuz the day’s so gorgeous and what not, then your unit slips out of my hand, there goes your cool breeze. Who’s gonna pay for that? Certainly not the company, cuz you didn’t pay for the transport insurance. That's a different fee. Now you’re angry at me, I mean technically it was my fault for being so clumsy and distractable and what not. But guess who else isn’t gonna pay? Me! Then guess whos gonna be upset and take me to court but loose horrifically because my brother in law just passed the bar? You! So lady no, I can’t help you. Why don’t you get one of the other tenants in the building to help you?”

           “Well, not that it’s any of your business, but I own the brownstone and I live alone. So there’s no one that could help me.”

           “You had enough money to get a brownstone but not enough to pay the fee?”

           “Alright thanks whatever your name is. I’ll just take my AC Now.”

           You looked at him while you struggled for 15 minutes just to get the AC out of the truck and the second you safely had it on the baking concrete of the curb you heard the back of the truck slide down and heard a door slam. You turned around to see the truck driver starting up the car and he shouted over the roaring engine.

           “Thanks for shopping with Coole Breeze, your number one cooling solution  in the tricity area, have a frosty day!” and with that, he was off.

           Even though you were wearing a  pretty airy romper and you did work out about 3 times a week, that was nothing against that heavy ass air conditioner and that Brooklyn heat. You put your hands on top your head and squinted up the sky. You again thank God your street was empty. You must have sweated out your Twist out and edges by now. You were convinced you were looking crazy. But hey, It was a Tuesday at 1. Everyone who was someone was at work, kids were in school so it was just you and this behemoth air conditioning unit.  Getting into classic Y/N calculations your decided what you were going to do. Yes, this AC was, technically for your room but you won’t be able to get it all the way up there by yourself right now so you can create a pulley system and pull it through the window. Huffing and puffing to your started mimicking your father.

           ‘Buy a fixer upper baby girl, it's a great investment. You could build your dream home and sell it eventually , it’ll be fun! Your brother and I will fly up there to help you whenever you need us or have free time. Matter of fact I’m pretty sure my army buddy Wilson still lives in New York…Not sure the part though. But I know he and his boy are engineers of some sort. I can even ring them up to help you when I can’t make it myself. This will be a terrific family project honey!’

           “ Sure dad!” you shouted at no one in particular “ who’s going to help me now though?!” At least your mother had the foresight to buy you a fully equipped toolbox, 12 foot ladder and a whole bunch of things that a new homeowner/renovator needs. It took a bit of maneuvering but you were able to get the ladder out the door and down the steps. You were now atop of it, building and hammering away at a pulley system. You were determined to sleep in a chilly 50 degrees tonight, by any means necessary. You saw two men one white and one black, approaching from your left through your peripheral vision. You steeled yourself to any cat calling that may occur, from the angle - to what you had on, it wasn’t a good situation. You couldn't make out faces but you could see that one was visibly bigger than the other. They stopped walking a little behind you and you couldn't tell which one asked but you heard someone say

           “Hi, do you need any help?”

           “O fanks” You replied with a slight lift of your hand with a screwdriver hanging out the side of your mouth and a heavy covering of sweat on your forehead. Using the back of your hand to wipe the sweat off you removed the screwdriver from your mouth and cleared your throat then repeated “No thanks” In a clearer manner. Thinking to yourself how could these guys even help me? While screwing and grunting softly you weren’t mentally present. You were trying to solve the problem you created. You had written yourself into a corner and you were trying to figure out a way out of it. You started to get the thread of an idea that you were mentally trying to work into a tapestry for your readers, however, while still trying to flesh it out something else was fighting for your attention. In the back of your mind you heard his voice again.

           “Are you sure? We may be able to be of better help than you thin-” Remembering your mothers call the night before talking about a movie she watched on lifetime where people in the ‘big city’ would help you get something into your house as supposed good Samaritans then come back and rob you, or do worse you decided against it instantly.

           “Listen, thanks but no.” You huffed out “Apparently I paid for the delivery service and not the installation service as the lovely delivery man told me. This however does NOT include carrying my AC up the 4 flights of stairs to my bedroom because that's apparently another fee. So no, there isn’t anything you gentlemen could do for me” You heard a little chuckle behind you and heard a quieter deeper voice say:

           “You have to pay the fees, that’s where they get you” his voice was full of laughter. He wasn’t outright laughing but you could still somehow hear it in his voice.

           Momentarily forgetting you were on a ladder you whipped around to give the guy a piece of your mind. But all it takes is a moment. And in that moment, you were falling backward off a 12 foot ladder. Back, back, back, you go thinking this is how it would end. You dead on the concrete. You hadn’t been to china town yet! Why hadn’t you been to china town? Or the empire state building! OR the statue of liberty! You shouldn't have rushed your mom off the phone last night. You would have given anything to hear her aimless ramblings and numerous ‘be carefuls’ one last time. OH GOD! You hadn’t had sex in a year and a half! This is how you were going to die. Trying to tell off some harassers with an uncompleted house in your name before you started your dream job. You squeezed your eyes shut and braced for impact

           Your body hit something that was hard like cement but was warmer and…. Somehow smelled like leather? And Christmas? And Home somehow? You opened your eyes to see a face partially obscured by a blue baseball hat pulled down over the front and a full beard. You couldn't see who he was and he was leaning in close to your face while he held you. There was something so familiar about him, but you couldn't place it. His voice kept fading in and out of your head.

           “Ma’am? Ma’am! Stay with me!”

Sounding like echos of screams and whispers bouncing off the inside of your skull all at once you blinked slow and mustered out what you could:

           “Don't…Tell me what to do…Asshole” and everything faded to black.

_______________________________________________________________________

Okay guys! thats about it for the first one. I would really appreciate the feedback! Is this something you would want more of? Or should I move on to some other fic ideas I have? Let me know and thanks for reading!

[nomorelonelydays]

Patater Week - Day 5

Feb. 10 - Social Media Shenanigans – Jeff kind of wishes that he didn’t know Kent and Alexei apparently sext each other through Snapchat pretty regularly. 1.3K “What the hell are you doing?” Jeff asks, a towel over his head as he enters the locker room. Kent doesn’t even look remotely embarrassed as he pulls his shirt down and pockets his phone. “Sexy snapchatting my boyfriend.” “Okay.” Alexei Mashkov likes his men blond, shameless, and a little stupid, he supposes. There’s no helping taste. He shouldn’t be that surprised when, that night while marathoning Game of Thrones by himself, he gets a notification that he’s received a snapchat from Kent. When he opens it, he nearly drops his phone and spills his cup noodles all over his crotch. Miss you lots babe, when you coming to Vegas??? Providence is no fun, the caption says. The Kent in the photo is lying down on what seems to be super soft blankets, the picture taken from the up-down to showcase Kent’s exceptional abs all the way down to his low waistband. He has an actual finger in his mouth, like he’s trying to play coy. It’s clearly sent to the wrong person. 

Like any good, sensible friend should have done, Jeff should have screenshotted the photo and saved it as blackmail. But instead, he tries to copy the pose and sends one back. Because he’s clever, and there’s no way Kent’s going to ever live this down. 

He immediately gets a text back. He wonders if Kent is red-faced and sputtering at this point. It’ll be amazing chirping material for ages to come, and he’ll finally have one over Kent since the prank war from two month ago. Ugly, the text says. I threw up in my mouth. Shut the fuck up, Jeff texts back furiously. Honestly, why is he the one embarrassed? My abs are 100x better than yours. Five minutes later, when Jeff is rinsing out his Styrofoam cup, the Aces groupchat is blowing up. NICEEEEEE!!!!!!! texts Connor. Jeff, if I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me? Patrick texts, along with about a billion heart emojis and the one with three water droplets. Jeff doesn’t even want to ask.   Mmmmm bby u single? the next one says. And dear God, that one is from their winger, Arti, the one with the scar on his face whom Jeff has only heard say phrases along the lines of “I’m kill you dead” on the ice, along with several other Ukrainian expletives. Show you good time))))) I nutted, the other says simply. There’s like twenty more following those, and as Jeff frantically tries to scroll up against the wave of incoming messages, he realizes, with horror, that Kent had screenshotted his picture and sent it to the entire goddamn roster. Because that’s what Jeff should have done, but didn’t because apparently he’s the one with no brains. Arti makes a bunch of noisy kissy-face smooches at his direction the next day. Kent and the rest of the team giggle themselves to tears, because they’re all actual children and Jeff is the only adult in the entire roster. 

Kent’s driving Jeff and a couple rookies back home after going out to a bar to celebrate their latest win; Kent doesn’t look as disappointed as Jeff had thought he’d be as designated driver, but then again, he notices that Kent doesn’t really drink anymore, either, except for a can of beer now and then. There’s only him and Dom in the backseat at this point, and Jeff grabs Kent’s arm and squeezes him in what he hopes is a show of appreciation. “Why are you touching me?” Kent asks. Okay, so maybe he’s not being obvious enough. “Just…saying thanks. For everything,” Jeff says. “You’re a good Captain. The Aces wouldn’t have gotten to where we are now if it weren’t for you.” “You’re just saying that because I’m driving you home,” Kent says, but he sounds quietly pleased. “No, man, you’re great. You’re one of my best friends,” Jeff says. He’s a little loose-lipped and fuzzy with all the alcohol in his system, and he’s feeling especially gooey today. “Sometimes you’re an ass, but you know, you’re—you’re swell.” “Who says swell anymore?” Dom asks from the backseat. “He’s from the 50s, cut him some slack,” Kent says blandly. “Fuck you all, I take it back, Parser, you’re the worst,” Jeff slurs, just as Kent’s phone lights up and buzzes with a notification from where it’d been wedged in one of the cup holders.. “I’m the same age as—oh, dude, you got a text.” “I’m also driving,” Kent says, retrieving the phone and unlocking it with his thumbprint. “Could you check who’s it from?” Jeff retrieves the phone and peers at the screen blearily. “It’s a Snapchat…from…‘T.’ Who’s T?” “Oh.” Kent says, considering. “It’s Tater. Just press it.” Jeff does, but in hindsight, if he hadn’t been so buzzed, he’d totally would have done the smarter thing and thought a bit more about accepting the photo before listening to Kent. He nearly swallows his tongue at the photo. It’s taken from the waist down, and it’s a picture of what is probably the biggest dick Jeff’s ever seen close-up in his life, and just as an athlete who hangs out pretty regularly in locker rooms, he’s seen his fair share. U home? the caption says. “Dude,” Jeff says, his mouth dry. “You got a dick pic.” “Cool,” Kent says, unperturbed, his eyes still on the road. “Is it a good one?” “How the hell should I know? It’s a dick pic. It’s a picture of a dick,” Jeff says, then furrows his brows. “Wait. Wait, you fucking knew he was gonna send a dick pic. You set me up.” “I actually didn’t,” Kent admits. “He usually sends me photos of his dogs. He’s probably horny or something.” “Ugh, I hate you, I could’ve lived without ever knowing that.” “Stop being homophobic,” Kent says. “I’m not homophobic, I just think it’s, I don’t know, fucking weird I know that your boyfriend is uncut, no big deal—” “Long distance relationships,” Kent says, like that’s an explanation. “Gotta keep the magic alive. Hey, sext him back for me,” Kent continues, like the idea isn’t completely ludicrous, like Jeff isn’t now equipped with the useless knowledge that Alexei Mashkov is packing. Seriously, that thing could probably poke someone’s eye out. “I’m not gonna sext your fucking boyfriend, what the fuck am I supposed to type?” “I don’t know, write like, ‘Think about me blowing you,’ and then add a winky face or something. I’m driving, leave me alone.” “A winky face?” Jeff echoes. “Have you lost your mind?” “You’re right. Maybe add the eggplant emoji, too. Thanks.” “That’s so boring,” Jeff says. “If it was me, I’d want to hear—wait. No. Screw that. I’m not doing it.” “Then give it to Dom, Jesus Christ.” Kent rolls his eyes. “I ask you to do one thing for me—” “I got it,” Dom says, plucking the phone from Jeff’s hands and types something quickly before handing it back. “Done.” “What did you even write?” Jeff asks incredulously, scrolling up to read the message. The guy wrote an actual to God paragraph. “‘I wish I was there so I could blow you, then I’d ride you so hard you scream, you get me so hot—’ What the fuck, Dom?” “That’s pretty good,” Kent comments. “Nice job.” “Is this not weird?” Jeff exclaims. “Am I the only one—oh God, Mashkov’s typing back, he’s typing, what do I—” He pauses. “Oh. He just sent three heart emojis.” “Cute,” Dom says. “You can drop me off at this corner. Thanks.” When Dom leaves the car, Kent leans back and grins at Jeff, the first one since the dick pic incident. “My dirty talk is too boring for you?” Kent muses. “Man, sorry, I’ll get it up to your standards next time.” “You’ve been demoted to Worst Captain,” Jeff decides, at about the same moment Alexei sends another message: Tell me what else u want do with mouth)))))) (When Mashkov visits the next week, Jeff tries to be casual and ends up saying, “Hey, Mashkov. How’s your dick been—week. How’s your week been. Oh God. Fuck you, Parser.” Kent laughs so hard he has to sit down for a solid three minutes.)