#Mormonism teaches that the only point of life is to have as many straight marriages and babies as possible that's why they do polygamy

[anxious-shapeshifter]

A Question Worth Asking

There’s a question I’ve struggled with since the beginning of all of this (“this”, of course, being my gay awakening, and the subsequent fallout I’ve had with the LDS church).

Long before I found out I was gay, I’d already tucked two labels under my belt — asexual and aromantic (which could arguably now be called “demiromantic”). The implications of those labels were rather moot before factoring in being gay, as it isn’t exactly a sin to not marry or have sex in the mormon religion, though choosing not to marry or have kids is frowned upon.

Right then, it’s a problem now that I’ve found myself in a same-sex relationship. Now I’m actively sinning...or not? To quote the church’s own words, here’s how they’ve defined exactly why same-sex relationships and marriage are contrary to God’s plan;

“Sexual purity is an essential part of God’s plan for our happiness. Sexual relations are reserved for a man and woman who are married and promise complete loyalty to each other. Sexual relations between a man and woman who are not married, or between people of the same sex, violate one of our Father in Heaven’s most important laws and get in the way of our eternal progress.”

    - From Same-Sex Attraction, Gospel Topics in the LDS Library app

The important law mentioned at the end of the paragraph refers to the law of chastity, which is defined as follows;

“Chastity is sexual purity. Those who are chaste are morally clean in their thoughts, words, and actions. Chastity means not having any sexual relations before marriage. It also means complete fidelity to husband or wife during marriage.”

    - From Chastity, Gospel Topics in the LDS Library app

I’m asexual, and also don’t like the idea of sex. That’s just the way I am, and I don’t plan on changing that...I can’t change that, really. The relationship I’m in is strictly romantic, and by that definition, wouldn’t it therefore be “morally clean”? 

Unfortunately, the church seems to care little about any kind of split-attraction model (despite the fact that they mention it on their website), and so I find myself in some kind of gray area. I don’t know what they think, and at one point I cared. I can’t tell you how many times I consulted the website, desperate for answers as to whether or not my salvation was at stake.

Sex is regarded as some sacred, intimate ritual that both asserts the love between two partners and holds the power of procreation, to bring other beings into this world. This is not an incorrect statement, but religion has drawn lines in some odd places, and it leaves one with a lot of questions if you delve too deep.

For one, what changes between premarital and married sex? Sure, marriage often equates to commitment, but beyond that, you can’t claim that all sex outside of the bonds of marriage is a loveless, selfish act.

Is all sexual activity between a married couple only motivated by the need to procreate? Must all sexual activity between a married couple have procreation as a forethought in order to be considered “morally clean”?

How does the perspective change when infertile couples are brought to mind? If they are married, but unable to bear children for one reason or another, must they abstain from sex because it won’t be “fruitful”, and therefore not “morally clean”?

Both of these questions have answers, actually, as the church has very clearly stated that “it [physical intimacy] is ordained of God for the creation of children and for the expression of love within marriage.”

Ask some of my previous teachers in the church, and they can tell you all about how wonderful sex is as an act of intimate love in a marriage. I’m sure it is, for those folks who enjoy that sort of thing. I’m all for people expressing their love for each other, but that includes those of us in the “same-sex attracted” category.

If a gay couple is legally married, then how come their sexual intimacy is still considered a sin? They’ve committed to each other, just as any straight couple would. Is their love not also legitimate?

As it turns out, no, according to the church. Gay couples have an additional box to check, to quote; “Homosexual activity is a serious sin. It is contrary to the purposes of human sexuality. It distorts loving relationships and prevents people from receiving the blessings that can be found in family life and the saving ordinances of the gospel.” (Chastity, Gospel Topics)

Ouch. “Distorts loving relationships”? In what way? More importantly, suddenly sex is only about procreation. If you can’t bring children into the world, you’re fresh out of luck because that’s the only “morally clean” way to have sex, apparently.

The church’s reasoning behind these things begins to twist in on itself and fall apart, because you cannot tell me that 1) Sex is an act of intimacy and an expression of love between two married people; and 2) Sex is only for procreation, all other purposes are immoral. Unless I’m missing some implicit piece of information in here? Is sex only permitted when the couple wants to have a child, and that act itself is the expression of love mentioned? Again, this leaves out couples unable to have children due to infertility or other uncontrollable circumstances.

And then there’s that last sentence in the quoted paragraph above, the statement that gay couples are missing out on the “blessings of family life” when they choose to love who they love. A rather ludicrous statement, because adoption is a thing that exists! There’s lots of children out there without families, so why not encourage more people to adopt? (There’s the whole bit about how mormon culture seems to frown on adoption vs birthing your own kids, but that’s an essay for another day)

And I’m back to the reason I began writing this; by church standards, is my own relationship an act of sin?

I am “chaste”, by standards listed above. I have no sexual relations, but I also completely lack a sex drive to begin with. My relationship is solely romantic, and a happy one. We love each other and respect each other’s needs and boundaries, we take care of one another. Neither of us desires to have kids, and, to be frank, I don’t think either of us would be in a physical condition to make that a possibility, if it were one.

If I’m frustrating my own human sexuality, is it because of my same-sex relationship, or because of my lack of sexuality? Would I still be committing a sin by remaining alone? There are two potential answers, one being that the sin lies in the same-sex relationship, and the other that the sin is my refusal to engage in sex and have children.

It can’t be the former, then. It was explicitly stated that engaging in sex with people of the same sex is a sin. Being LGBTQ+ in and of itself has been reinforced numerous times as not sinful, because that’s an identity we can’t choose. They got that right, at least.

So refusing to have sex is my sin, then? What a conundrum that puts me in. You’d think that would make the church all the more happy — a person with no sexual desires whatsoever, therefore less likely to think “impure thoughts” or act on wrongful urges.

But no, I’m still in the wrong. I have to have children! That is my ultimate purpose in this life — bar any other interests or desires, accomplishments, enlightenment — humanity’s destiny is to continually birth the next generation, to pass the torch. It sounds so...primitive? Animalistic, almost?

If I don’t follow in the footsteps of my predecessors, if I don’t have a posterity to carry on the human race, then what am I if not subhuman? Am I even human, lacking the sexual desires that I’m supposed to have? What am I?

Let me reel myself back in again to finish this essay off. The contradictions only seem to persist in church teachings on this topic, which is disappointing in this day and age where an abundance of information is available to learn from. Will it ever be addressed, in my lifetime or in 100, 200 years time?

I’ve unraveled a few of the strings for myself in the process of writing this, but it leaves a lot, if not more, questions to be answered. Is it something I can hope to untangle in this life? I wish I could say with certainty that it’s possible. In the meantime, I’ll follow the thread that feels right to me.

[nerdygaymormon]

October Interview w/Reporter

In October I was interviewed by a reporter. He sent me a list of questions and I sent my responses. He asked a follow-up question.

I don’t know when the story will run, or if any of my responses will be included (I understand he’s interviewing a number of people). But for my own record, here’s the questions and answers.

———————————————————————   

First can you tell me a little bit more about you, how old are you, what’s your job, and how long have you been a Mormon?

I am 48 years old. Single, never married.

I was born in Canada but Florida is home, I've lived here about 20 years.

I am a research administrator at a university. I do the administrative paperwork on research projects. The professor does the research and I do things like financial reports, payroll, purchasing, and so on.

My parents are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also known as Mormons. I’ve been a member of this church all my life. 

________

Does your entourage know about your homosexuality? If so, how was the news greeted?

Most people know I’m gay, including people at church.

I've known since I was a teenager that I'm gay, but didn't come out until later in life, almost age 40. I finally reached a point where I thought, "what's the point of having a life if I'm not going to live, but remain in hiding?"

As you can imagine, I’ve gotten all sorts of reactions when people learned I'm gay.

My dad wishes he sent me to conversion therapy when I young and thinks I still should go and get “fixed.”

My mom wishes I would go back in the closet and just not talk about it.

Some of my brothers & sisters accept & love me, some are more reserved in their expressions of support.

Because I still go to church and live the type of life they agree with, most of my family and church friends accept that I’m gay and don’t have much of a problem with it. However if/when I step away from church, find a boyfriend, and all that, I think most church friends will go away and some of my family will likely limit their contact with me

_________

How gays are perceived within the Mormon community as a whole?

Gays are something of an enigma to Mormons. We don’t fit into the theology and so they don’t know what to make of us.

If there is a God, then God created all this diversity in the world. Surely God would account for this beautiful variety in His plan. However, gay people are absent from my church’s version of God’s plan.

Many gay members will say that God made us this way and loves us and we need to be embraced and loved, just the same as any heterosexual member. Some members think that we are trying to change church doctrine in order to justify our sins and that we are in apostasy for not agreeing with the anti-gay messages by our church leaders.  

As you can imagine, most gays leave this church. Consequently, even when a homosexual is attending church and doing their best, many members look at us suspiciously, assuming it's just a matter of time until we leave & "commit sin."

_________

Does homosexuality fully fit with the Mormon faith and lifestyle?

Homosexuality is incompatible with the teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In this church, gay people are required to not have sex and not get married or live with a partner.

According to the Mormon faith, we have Heavenly Parents, we are their spirit children. They sent us to earth. One of the purposes of earth life is to start a family by getting married. This family bond can remain in effect after death if our marriage is "sealed" in one of the Mormon temples. Being married is a way for us to be like our Heavenly Parents. They had spirit children, and we can have children.

Gay people frustrate these beliefs. Our relationships don't resemble that of a Heavenly Mother sealed to a Heavenly Father. We can't create children with each other. Why would God create people who are designed to love someone of their own gender? It doesn't make sense to Mormons, and some deny that homosexuality is real. Because we don't fit in the Church's understanding of God's Plan, we're told to be celibate and alone.  

The Mormon faith also says we are meant to have joy in this life, but for gays it feels like we're asked to be miserable for Christ. The Church makes gay members feel shame simply for being how God made us. The church's teachings rob us of hope & joy for our future.

Being gay is a part of who I am, how can I defeat it? That's like asking a heterosexual person to stop being heterosexual, how would someone even do that?

I personally believe that gay people and our relationships are perfectly fine and can be compatible with faith in Jesus, it takes a slight reinterpretation or expansion of the doctrine. I have a personal belief that our Heavenly Parents completely love their gay children and did not set us up to fail. They weep at the injustices, oppression and hatred we deal with in life, much of which is done in God's name by religious people.  

As for church, I think it's a lack of doctrine about gay people that is causing the issue. It’s the lack of doctrine that results in “don’t do this,” and “don’t do that.”

What is it we’re supposed to do? What is the message from God for us? How will God bless us? What is the purpose of us living life as gay or transgender or bisexual or aromantic? What are we to do with this orientation?

_________

You are really active and talk openly about your condition on Twitter and Tumblr, what pushed you to do it ? Do you feel that the social medias have a role to play to help the Mormons LGBT ?

Social media is a huge help to LGBTQ Mormons. We find each other and don't feel so alone. A big part of being a Mormon is the sense of community. Mormons are very good at building community, and queer Mormons build community with each other online.

When I came out of the closet, I vowed to be completely honest with LGBT members of the church. We don't have role models, no example of how to be a gay Mormon. I try to be open about the good things and the hard things of being a gay Mormon. I also share affirming messages, I want to push back against the messages that cause people to feel shame simply for who they are.

I'm quite a bit older than the other LGBT Mormons on Tumblr or Twitter who are mostly in their teens or twenties. They have come to view me like an uncle. Many people send me questions they don't feel they can ask their parents or bishop. Sometimes it's a question about church teachings. Sometimes they want advice about how to tell their parents that they are gay. Sometimes they want encouragement because they're having a hard time. Sometimes they are suicidal and want help to hang on.

Being part of this online community of queer Mormons has blessed my life. I have gay friends. I have people who can understand my life and the things I've been through. I have people who understand that I am not evil for wanting love and companionship.  

_________

Do you feel like LGBTQ peoples are getting more and more accepted within the Mormon community? What still need to be done?  

The Bible has an ever-expanding circle of inclusion. People who were forbidden early in the book get included later in the book. My church has a similar history of expanding who gets to be included. I don't think the circle is done expanding. If we are all children of Heavenly Parents, then they love us and want us to be included.

When I was young, the church leaders used to say that being gay was a choice, or was caused by a lack of faith or some other reason. Obviously they were WAY wrong. I didn’t choose to be gay, and I can’t unchoose it. There was no choice involved.

These days the church teaches that it’s okay to have gay feelings as long as you don’t act on them. It’s okay that I find men attractive as long as I don’t have sex with them.

Among the members, there is a growing acceptance among Mormons of gay people. In the United States, about 50% of Mormons approve of gay marriage even though the church opposes such marriages.

Just as LGBT Mormons have built communities on social media, the same is true for Mormon parents of queer children and friends & allies. It's possible to find support, to read statements explaining why the church needs to change, and so on.

My view is that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is about 25~30 years behind society on LGBTQ topics. It reluctantly is being forced to move forward, centimeter by centimeter. Think about where society was in 1990, that's where the Mormon church is. More change is coming. The homophobic teachings & policies seem wrong to a growing number of members, especially to younger people in their teens & twenties. These young people love & support their gay friends and don't want to be on the wrong side of the civil rights struggle of their lifetime. If the church doesn't change, it will lose large numbers of these young people, the future of the church.

_________

Will I have a future in this church? Decades of my life have slipped by waiting for the church to change. How much longer can I be expected to wait? Sometimes I feel so weary of trying to make life work. Other times I'm reminded of things that mean a lot to me in this church. It's unfair I have to choose between love and church, between family or faith, straight people are not required to make such a choice.

___________________________

I come back to you to ask you a little question, in your answers you say "Gays are something of an enigma to Mormons. We don’t fit into the theology and so they don’t know what to make of us." I find this sentence very interesting and I was wondering if the LGBT were the only one in this situation? This question may sound strange but is there other "enigma" within the Mormon community, or the LGBT are the only one to be in such an "in-between" position? Moreover do you now how the trans peoples are perceived within the community? I found very little information about it. 

I said that gays are an enigma, but that's true of the entire queer spectrum. If a child tells their parent, "I'm bi," the parent's reaction is likely to be "you don't need to tell anyone and you can marry someone of the opposite sex." They would just prefer to ignore and erase that their child also likes people of the same gender.

Most Mormons aren't familiar with asexual or aromantic orientations. They believe that sexuality is a gift from God and romantic feelings for a spouse will continue into heaven, so they can't make sense of people who say they don't experience either of those. If gays are an enigma, then trans people are considered a direct challenge to the theology.

Gender is an important part of Mormonism. The youth program is divided by gender, there is a women's organization at church, there is a male-only priesthood. Top leadership of the church and of the congregation is men. There are some women leadership positions, but typically they are leading women or children, not men or even teenage boys.

There's a lot of thought about gender roles and the leaders teach that gender is eternal. So for a trans member of the church to say my spirit is male but I was born into a girl's body, it's strange to Mormons.

The leadership thinks that trans people are confused. Most members think being trans is fake or some form of parental abuse forced onto children.There's a definite lack of understanding, and no interest in learning.

I'm friends with a number of trans people and church is really rough for them because the way they understand themselves is undermined, they're told their identity isn't valid.

About 25 years ago, a top church leader said that gays, feminists and intellectuals were enemies of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

The leaders used to fear anything unfavorable about church history being taught, everything had to be faith-promoting. But with the internet, now many people read about past teachings and some troubling things from church history. The leaders have come to terms with academics & historians and agree that it's important to expose church members to these things from the past. Better that church members learn about these things within the framework of the faith than from enemies of the church who will assign the worst motives to past actions.

Next up are feminists. This is a patriarchal church, meaning men hold the power. But more and more opportunities for women to participate are being opened up, the sexist language that existed in some of our religious rites has been replace or removed. While the leaders deny it could happen, there's a growing sense that perhaps women will get to be part of the priesthood, or perhaps will get a separate order of priesthood.

That leaves gays, and the church isn't ready to accept us. Thanks to science, the church can no longer say being gay is a choice or caused by sin. Nowadays church leaders will say that the cause of same-sex attraction is complicated, but that doesn't change the belief that gay sex & relationships are evil. The leaders say that gay marriage will never be accepted within the church.

But you know, there's a number of things that past leaders would say could never happen, and they have. A church that claims to receive revelation needs to be open to change. What's the point of revelation if there's nothing new to be revealed? The things that are right about this church can fix the things that are wrong about this church. 

[nottskyler]

Dear President Oaks,

We are all one in the body of Christ and it is very clear that your responsibility in guiding the body of Christ is to listen to the pain signals given from other parts of the body of Christ. As a faithful LGBT member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I want to say your words at the press release caused a lot of pain and the LGBT portion of the body of Christ pleads with you to stop and listen.

You say you don’t know why people are LGBT or other queer identities. You speak as if we are dysfunctional parts of the body, but we aren’t. Arms are different from elbows which are different from wrists and fingers, and even fingers differ one from another. Luckily in a Church that relies heavily on personal revelation, you don’t have to figure out our place on your own. You can listen to what the spirit has testified in our hearts and learn how it applies to the running of Christ’s Church. The first thing many of us did when we discovered we weren’t cis or hetero was fall to our knees and ask Gd why, and He responded. Here are the truths that I learned in turning to Gd:

1) Gd loves me and made me this way. There is nothing wrong with me. His purpose is to bring to pass my immortality and eternal life and making me bi and trans was an essential part of my journey to have a change of heart and get to know Gd (which is eternal life according to John 17:3).

2) There are philosophies of men that have snuck into the teachings of the Church when it comes to marriage and gender and Gd has sent more LGBT individuals in our time to helps us root out these lies so we can more fully enjoy the fruits of the Gospel.

3) Gd is not a respecter of persons. As long as someone has faith, Gd will reveal Himself to them and truths that are important to their life. This means there is something we can learn from everyone (Alma 32:23). 

4) The Church is not meant to be perfect. If all we had to do was blindly follow our leaders, we would never learn the traits required to be even as Gd is. Corrections and changes in the Church are necessary to learn repentance and how to get answers on our own.

5) Gender is eternal. Even though there was nothing in my gender expression that was outside what is acceptable for women in our society, there was a dissonance caused by the mismatch of my spirit and body. It testifies to me that I am without beginning or end just like Gd.

6) The reason Gd does anything is “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39). That means that He allows me and others to believe things that are not true as long as it leads us to Him. Also, mistakes that we make are important because it creates holes that need to be made perfect through Christ’s atonement. Without those mistakes, there would be no space for Him to come in and heal.

7) Gd wants me to live up to my potential and privilege as a member of His restored Church. President Uchtdorf’s parable about the man on the cruise eating cans of beans in his cabin has always struck an uncomfortable chord with me until I realized it was because I was like that man. Denying my eternal identity and living in the closet was keeping me from being who Gd wants and needs me to be. “Adam fell that men might be and men are that they might have joy” (2 Nephi 2:25). The apostles have always made it clear that the joy is for this life as well as in the next. I have to be true to my eternal identity in order to live up to my mortal potential and privilege.

8) Christ stands with the marginalized. Every minute I spend among LGBT individuals, listening to their stories and feeling their pain, Gd testifies to me that He is with them and that I am more like Christ for being among them as Christ would, helping share their burdens and sharing the hope and love that Gd has given me.

9) Spiritual laws are eternal and unchanging and ignorance will not save me from the natural effects of breaking them. I was in despair that kept growing more and more as time went on. I knew from Moroni 10:22 that meant I was doing something wrong. I did everything to be the perfect Mormon girl and repented of every small act and the despair was never lifted. It wasn’t until I accepted my eternal identity and began living my life as a man that it has begun to go away. I have a long way ahead on my transition, but I trust that the seed will continue to grow as it has so far and continue to dispel the cloud of doom. It taught me that even though I was unaware that I was living contrary to my eternal gender, I was not immune to the temporal consequences of my actions.

I know “to every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:” (Ecclesiastes 3:1), but Gd’s LGB children have been wandering in the spiritual desert for over 40 years since informing you of their pain and inability to come to the same truth as you. In the Temple we learn that anyone who is listening can hear Gd’s words as the command is passed down the line. We heard Gd tell you that the time of excluding His LGB children is up. He told you to treat homosexual relationships the same as you treat heterosexual relationships and we hurt when we heard you added your own exclusions. Gd isn’t telling you to start performing gay marriages in the Temple, He is telling you to stop asking LGB members to live a different law of chastity than the one given in the temple, “which is that the sons and daughters of Adam and Eve only have sexual relations with those to whom they are legally and lawfully married according to Gd’s law”.

Discussion about being trans has not been as prevalent or pervasive as the LGB discussion in the Church because, up until your ill-informed announcement, the Church was more friendly towards trans individuals than LGB individuals. The Church allows members to socially transition and take hormones to help them manage the dissonance from their spirit-body mismatch. In fact, I’ve heard many positive stories where Church leaders allowed trans individuals to attend meetings that best matched their gender identity and how it unified and strengthened the ward. Trans individuals have pointed to the line in the Family: A Proclamation since it was released where it declares that gender is eternal to express their feelings as a trans individual. They testify more vehemently than anyone else that gender is important and that it is eternal. And now you point to the line and declare that those who most strongly support it are wrong and that the flesh is more indicative of a spiritual truth than knowledge that is spiritually obtained? (1 Corinthians 2:14)

I am grateful that Gd led me on this journey before you decided to speak your personal beliefs as if they were from Gd because I am one who does their best to listen and obey the counsel of Gd’s apostles and prophets. It would have made me question the office and authority that Gd gave you, likely leading me to leave the Church like so many others, instead of treating this as a mystery of Gd that hasn’t been revealed that I could discover for myself because He can’t wait to share His truths to those who earnestly seek them. I found the truth and I know it is true as easily as I can tell the day time from the night (Moroni 7:15-17). Living as trans has brought me closer to Christ. It has given me the strength to not deny Him to my fellow man. It has filled me with His love and given me the capacity to share it with others and invite them to Christ.

I invite you to listen to the pain messages from the trans portion of Christ’s body, especially because your careless words are going to make the suffering a lot worse for us. If you wish to stop the worst of the pain, I recommend requiring Church leaders to use living names and pronouns for trans people at Church and in Church associated gatherings, encouraging trans individuals to attend gendered meetings and activities that match their gender identity most closely, when they legally change their name and pronouns their records need to indicate the change (FTM, MTF, MTN, and FTN are acceptable), and there should be no punishment for seeking surgery as treatment for gender dysphoria. These policies would ease the pain of trans members of Christ’s restored Church and increase their capacity to help build up the Kingdom of Gd on earth.

Gd has a place in His plan for His LGBT children. We ask that you take a step of faith and love and let us participate without restrictions that you wouldn’t place on a cis and straight member of the Church. We want to marry and not be punished for it, we want to be recognized by our living name and pronouns as any individual wishes to be, we want to seek treatment to mental illness without judgment and punishment, we want to be treated as equal members without restrictions because being LGBT is not a choice. The choice we have is whether we will be who Gd created us to be or suffer the depression and despair that comes from breaking eternal laws. We can wait for revelation for understanding our place in the eternities and priesthood and temple ordinances, but don’t ask us to suffer not being treated as equals, not being treated with common decency, facing judgment instead of love from family members and ward members who justify their behavior by saying they are simply doing what the prophets tell them. Please stop feeding the hate and encouraging them to persecute us. Please love us the way the Savior would.

Sincerely,

Skyler

[thegreyareabetween]

Texts I Send During Seminary

I consistently forget to post these here, but I’ve compiled them now because tbh, they really show a lot of what seminary is about. (Things in quotes are things said by teacher or students in seminary; asterisks mean I went on a long rant after)

- Cool so in seminary they’re saying that the reason the native Americans were forced out of their lands and beaten and tortured and subjected to the horrors the Europeans brought because it was god’s will.*

- “This is not about color” as god makes the bad guys in the Book of Mormon darker skinned and makes the good guys have light skin. Sure whatever just say Joseph Smith was racist and let’s move on*

- “Women need to be educated because they need to educate their children. Not because you want to make more money.” First of all, fuck you.*

- “When you feel like the church is wrong, you aren’t feeling that it’s wrong, you’re feeling what those people who oppose the church are saying is wrong.” What kinda bullshit logic are you trying to use?

- Oh boy do I just hate going to church and listening to the same lesson I’ve been hearing for 17 years

- Love when the church uses big numbers to make them seem better... Kay so they say they’ve donated $1.2 billion dollars over the last 30 years to charity. They’ve got 15 million members. If all those members paid tithing, that’s a lot of fucking money right? But the church only donated $80 per member to charity. When y’know, you’ve got members donating $18,000 per year. So really, are they really digging into their pockets for charity? If you divide that by the number of years, they’re donating $2.67 per member per year to charity. So like, that’s bullshit.*

- I bond with no one over being gay because I’m surrounded by STRAIGHT PEOPLE

- God we have a sub today in seminary and he’s being a bitch,

“No talking”

“Get off your phone.”

“Use your phone only for scriptures.”

“You have to talk to people.”

“I’m going to take your phone away.”

First of all I have anxiety so jot that down, Second of all, try to take away my phone, I fucking dare you. I will get up and leave, I’m done with this shit.*

- “The Nephites were in bondage.” First of all, that’s kinky. Second of all, please stop saying bondage so much it is making me

u n c o m f o r t a b l e

“In what way have you seen people in bondage today?”

S T O P

- Getting up early and dragging my ass to a religious institution that makes my whole existence a sin is not something I would call ideal. The sabbath is the lord’s day of rest therefore Jesus wants me to take this nap, mom.

- If there’s one thing I’ve learned from church, it’s that I hate kids and I will never have them. Other people? Fine have an army of children. Me? Not for both of my kidneys.

- So my seminary teacher is telling a story about an SBO at Bingham high school. The legislature said you can’t pray at high school graduation right? So this kid gets up at his graduation and prays anyways and my teacher is like, “And I’m so proud of him for standing up for what’s right.” Like wtf. Breaking the law and forcing your religious values on a captive audience seems wrong to me???

- Mormons trying to reconcile religion with science makes me feel not good.*

- “Now that gay marriage is legal, mormons may now be forced to perform gay marriages.” That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.

- "A successful woman isnt educated, or in a big career, or an owner of nice things- she's a mother." -My seminary teacher. Like I’m not trying to make motherhood seem unimportant, because it is important, but like... it’s just not for everyone.

- I don't know why but it bugs me when people brag like, "Well I'm related to Brigham young." The man had 50 wives, the real question is who isn't related to Brigham young in this state.

- My teacher is like- overtly racist and it meshes way to well with the doctrine in class

- "Would you go on a mission to a Polynesian island?" Idk man seems racist to me to ask that

- “Our church does really well in countries with dark skin." That's... that's not... where do I even begin to tell you how wrong that is. Bad bad word choice.

- "50% of people who walk into hotel rooms watch porn." First of all, I didn't even know the hotel had any porn options until now. Second, where did you get that statistic?

- "When you dress immodestly it's because you want attention and you don't really care about your body." That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works.

- "You'll get an STD if you have sex outside of marriage." I mean, if you're dumb and you're not careful you'll get an STD. You can get an STD even if you're married so lol

- "We turned on a PG-13 movie and within 10 minutes they had sworn like 30 times." At that point it's not PG-13 so you obviously weren't really looking at the rating

- My seminary teacher just said that Albert Einstein said that he believed in god. Which is like. So wrong. Albert Einstein said he was agnostic, and didn't believe in life after death. He said he wouldn't deny the possibility of a divine being but he wouldn't say there was one either 😒😒

- "Wow. The Book of Mormon and the Bible are so similar! They say the same kind of things about this other thing." Wow. It's like. It's like Joseph Smith had read the Bible because he grew up Christian. It's like. It's like he knew what the Bible said. Wow.

-"Anti-Mormon literature is so false, I would know because I'm the expert on the staff here about why it is false." Well first of all you have been so wrong so many times I find that extremely hard to believe

- "Fortnite is part of Satan's plan." Yeah I'm sure Satan wants to turn people from Jesus by playing fortnite.

- "My friends who swear have different thoughts." Wow, really? That's insane information.

- Everyone getting accepted to BYU and I'm here like, lol if I step on that campus I'm pretty sure alarms would go off and the campus and I would burst into flames.

- "It's on girls to dress modestly so boys don't do bad things." Maybe... maybe we should teach boys to control themselves.... And not teach girls it's their fault if boys make fucking dumb decisions...**

- So being gay is equal to murder in the eyes of the church in terms of transgressions. I hate living here*

- “You can’t be on your cellphone unless you’re on the gospel library.” Cool, try to take away my phone, see what happens. Like lol go ahead and call my mom. I don’t care anymore. I clearly have not cared since the day I started seminary. My mom will be pissed and probably take my phone away but really, y’all parade around free agency but it’ll just make you look bad if I get in trouble*

- “All of you on your phones are you with us?” Is that some sort of rhetorical question? Because I know you know I’m not paying attention and I don’t care to so why do you keep asking? Because if you’re looking to shame me into complying, jokes on you, I have no shame.

- Why must I, a simple gay, suffer like this

- If I had to choose between coming here and getting hit by a bus, you best damn be sure I’m choosing the bus

- Because of course that’s how you encourage people to go to church, yell at them so they feel so bad they have to go

- Like 90% of my problems wouldn’t be problems if church weren’t a thing

[lincoln-cannon]

Each spring and fall, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (the largest Mormon denomination) holds a worldwide conference. For ten hours over two days, top leaders of the Church speak in-person to over 20,000 members gathered in a conference center in Salt Lake City, and via Internet and television broadcast to a much larger audience (probably in the millions) gathered in homes and church buildings around the world. The most recent conference was held yesterday and today. Below are 90 of my own thoughts as I watched the conference. As is my custom, the thoughts include observations, and range from affirmations to criticisms, and from questions to assertions. My intent is to provoke reflection, questions, and comments. I feel this is essential to meaningful engagement with the conference, which is something I value as a member of the Church.

I wonder if we've already received Thomas Monson's last general conference sermon?

Eyring looks healthy and happy. Good. For me, he represents an important influence on Mormon tradition.

Uchtdorf suggests humans feel the call of heaven like non-human animals instinctually feel their way home across great distances.

Uchtdorf finds encouragement in the weaknesses of religious leaders in our history. If they can do divine work, so can we.

Uchtdorf says God works through us if we make an effort, learning and applying. Christian discipleship must be an active faith.

Oscarson is the first woman to speak at LDS conference. Maybe she thought too few women spoke last time. ;)

Oscarson wants to have a face-to-face conversation with me rather than have me tweet about her! :)

The main limitation of tech communication compared to face-to-face is its relatively low bandwidth, for now. That will change.

Oscarson just shared a picture of her daughter-in-law and my friend, Marie-Laure Oscarson, who taught me French in the MTC.

Oaks says exaltation is more than salvation, and that exaltation is a family matter. Isn't all of humanity our family?

Oaks construes progressive marriage law as worldly, but most of the world is conservative on marriage law.

Oaks points out that the Proclamation explicitly promotes straight marriage. But it does not explicitly demote gay marriage. Why?

Dear Elder Oaks, why did God NOT inspire you and the other authors of the Proclamation to demote gay marriage explicitly?

Pingree says God uses ordinary persons to accomplish extraordinary things. How about immortality and eternal life!

We often over-emphasize criticisms of the world and under-recognize that Mormon scripture teaches that Earth will become heaven.

Christofferson says we ought to fully and completely incorporate the life and character of Christ in our being. This is theosis.

Christofferson encourages holiness, as we esteem God holy. This is the sublime esthetic, the holy esthetic, the holy spirit.

I like the French translation of "Holiness to the Lord" on LDS temples, transliterated back to English: Sanctity to the Eternal.

Christofferson points out that we're not alone in salvation. We are the Body of Christ. Salvation is not individual after all.

Holland jokes about the apparent impossible weight of Jesus' command to be perfect as God is perfect.

Holland encourages personal improvement in a way that doesn't include ulcers, anorexia, or depression.

Holland points out that we now "live in a Telestial kingdom". So let it be settled: progression between heavens must be possible.

Holland points out our only hope for perfection is as a gift of grace. Exactly. Forgive. Give grace as received. It's the only way.

Holland is perhaps the most empathetic advocate of divine grace that Mormon leadership has ever produced.

Holland discourages toxic expectations of ourselves, each other, and Church leaders. Good advice. We all need each other's grace.

Holland points out the sublime Mormon teaching that Jesus himself progressed "grace for grace" and extends it to us.

Amen, Elder Holland. Amen.

Salvation is not an individual matter. It requires grace, of God and of each other. We are saved as the Body of Christ, not alone.

I know I'm not the only Mormon who finds the Scandinavian Jesus with an Oxford accent incredibly distracting from the message.

Remember. Technology is not the enemy. Technology empowers our participation in the work and glory of God.

I look forward to the day when technology empowers the average person, if she chooses, to heal others as medical doctors do today.

Uchtdorf is letting Eyring take his turn at facing the opposition votes. :)

"I'm trying to be like Jesus." This may be the most dangerous song Mormons teach our children to sing. ;)

Stevenson compares the solar eclipse to small mundane matters that block our vision of large sublime matters. Interesting analogy.

Stevenson rightly points out that technology is not inherently good or evil. It's just power to use for good or evil.

Stevenson reminds us that the carefully crafted self-presentations on social media are always incomplete. Life is complex.

Stevenson says, "Let us use technology to help each other ... become our finest."

I'm not sure Stevenson's "gospel glasses" metaphor works as well as his "gospel eclipse" metaphor.

Owen points out that repentance should be framed as uplifting progress. It is change, taking on Christ. It is transfiguration.

Owen says the Atonement is not merely for sinners. It's for saints too. At-one-ment requires all. Reconciliation requires all.

Framing repentance in context of "atonement," as Mormons do, has interesting ramifications. Change. Be one.

Cook says our time on Earth is as fleeting as a British summer. :)

Cook contrasts the smallness of humanity with our divine potential, no matter our race or gender.

Cook says Christ-character includes humility, righteousness, and intelligence. There's both some heart and some brain there.

Cook says emphasis of authenticity sometimes leads to arrogance. He's right.

Authenticity has no inherent value. It may have contextual value. Love the superhumanity in your neighbor as in yourself.

Cook quotes, "The test of greatness is how one meets the eternal everyday." I imagine the Gods reminding themselves of that.

Rasband rejects coincidence. I wonder if God rejects coincidence. Is there a way around Heisenberg and Godel? I doubt it.

Rasband says God orchestrates. I trust that to be the case. I also consider that completely compatible with coincidence.

It seems to me that there is no need for orchestration where there is no possibility of coincidence.

Rasband says agency fits into the plan of God. I wonder if he thinks God always knows our choices in advance of us making them.

Rasband quotes the Bible, which claims that all things will work together for good. That's an idea worth trusting -- actively.

Haleck points out that Church members in developing areas contribute as illustrated by the story of the widow's mite.

Nelson, speaking now, is most likely the next president of the LDS Church -- perhaps soon because Monson's health appears poor.

Nelson emphasizes "him" and "his" describing God. I wish our leaders would talk more about Heavenly Mother.

Nelson calls attention to the idea that progress continues after this life. I love this very Mormon conception of heaven.

Nelson says death allows us to progress to the next world. I wonder if he would tell the Three Nephites that? ;)

Renlund's reasoning on the relation between priesthood and atonement doesn't make sense to me. Wish we could ask questions.

Renlund seems to be suggesting there's some kind or extent of unique access to atonement for priesthood holders. Strange.

Evans encourages questioning and shows respect for good persons that question matters related to the Church. I like that.

I'm interested in an LDS leader talk comparing and contrasting scientific knowledge with confidence in trustworthiness of religion.

Uchtdorf is emphasizing a conception of spiritual light. For some inspiration, look at "light" references in D&C.

Uchtdorf points out that Mormon scripture equivocates between "light" and "spirit" and "truth". He could add "intelligence".

Nice to hear Uchtdorf mention Christ as the "light of the world" after previous talks on negative characterizations of the world.

I want to be OF that world of which Christ is the light -- to those with ears to hear. ;)

Eyring points out that it takes great faith to sustain imperfect leaders. He's right, but he's among the easier to sustain. :)

Eyring mentions that Bishops have a hard job because ward members know their weaknesses. Indeed. What a difficult job.

Eyring's persistent willingness to vulnerability about his own shortcomings is among the reasons he's relatively easy to sustain.

Bingham says Christ can relieve disasters and commotions in the world. I'd like to hear LDS leaders say more about those problems.

Hallstrom addresses the problem of evil. Without a solution, he praises faith in the face of evil. This is unsatisfying for many.

Bednar takes up the subject of theosis, taking on the divine nature, progressing grace by grace as exemplified by Jesus.

Zwick says we should look past easy assumptions and stereotypes. Amen.

Ballard encourages remembrance of Mormon pioneers. I'm often inspired by their practical perseverance in pursuit of our vision.

Ballard raises warnings against charlatans who promote supernatural healing. Good call. Science and medicine matter.

Ballard criticizes sexism, racism, and "nationalism." I wonder what he thinks constitutes the latter.

Callister describes the complexity of the production of the Book of Mormon. Strong point. It is strange book.

Callister rightly points out that the purpose of the Book of Mormon is to advocate the Gospel of Christ, and not history.

Koch encourages saying "Amen" after talks, to signify agreement. Okay. But I don't always agree! :)

I'm concerned that some may interpret Koch's thoughts to mean they should not express disagreements constructively.

I do not feel united with persons who withhold constructive expressions of their disagreements from me.

Ellis asks if we trust imperfect persons to lead us well? Sure. But I don't trust them to lead us perfectly.

Ellis says some people create businesses from nothing. Hmm. Not even God created the world from nothing, according to Mormonism.

Parrella also takes up the theme of authoritarian obedience. Our culture excessively emphasizes this.

I think we should give more attention to persuasion and less attention to obedience. And I suspect we would like the results.

Parrella quotes the Book of Mormon declaration that death is an "awful monster." I like that passage.

Andersen shared some visuals depicting light moving across the world. Conference would probably benefit from more use of visuals.

Andersen gives insight into how LDS leaders prepare conference talks. I appreciate the humanity of it.

Andersen repeats the denunciation of "nationalism." What do LDS leaders mean by this?

Andersen shares some thoughts and words in tribute to Elder Hales, who passed away during conference.

Anderson quotes Monson in conclusion, emphasizing love. That's a good way to end.

Originally published at lincoln.metacannon.net on October 01, 2017 at 05:06PM.

[lachouettification]

Please talk to me

But I guess it wouldn’t help, anyway. I can talk all I want to; the problem isn’t changing or evolving quite yet. I need to sit still in an empty room for an hour and think, but motherhood doesn’t often present me that luxury. So since I have a little bit of time right now, let me use it, before it’s gone. I’m going to talk. You’re going to listen. I have a lot to get out of me.

If I had to imagine my perfect world going forward, I have no idea what would be in it. I’ve given up so much to get to this point that I barely remember what I enjoy doing anymore. 

I remember when I found out I was pregnant. So many things were supposed to be different right before it happened. I was going to move to Texas but chickened out. Then I didn’t get into the college I’d been secretly praying would send me to Texas anyway, and I was crushed. I sobbed. I was then going to move to Thailand (I got the certificate to teach English finished one month before I found out I was pregnant, which means I finished it one week before I got pregnant) to get some perspective and understand myself better and try to get some distance from and time to process the intense feelings I chickened out from. I was dating several people, all of whom were unimportant distractions from reality; see “chickening out.” 

Then, of all the things that could have mattered, I started dating this kinda crazy guy who had some potential to be a little less crazy, but I didn’t really care that much because I had other things going on. He wasn’t supposed to be the future father of my child. I barely even knew him. And I talked on the phone to the person who did matter, and he pointed out that staying with someone just because you’re procreating with them is a bad idea. And I didn’t listen. I wanted to try because I didn’t have two sets of parents. I saw my dad like maybe 10 times in my life, all but two being before the age of 5. 

Shortly after finding out I was pregnant, we decided we were in it together. He was going to be there for me. I wasn’t going to be abandoned. We started going to couples therapy, paid for by the big bad sexist/racist/homophobic/history-revising/repression-inducing (but it reminded me of my most recent shrooms trip at the time, so I didn’t care about that list) Mormon Church. 

She was a great therapist. Getting her grad degree. Divorced. Not some crock religious counselor who tells you that you’re loved by angels and that Jesus will wash away your tears, amen. She was great. But she believed in us making it work. Because that was the reality she and the father of my fetus understood and had been sold their entire lives. Meanwhile, I was frustrated with myself for my issues (re: chickening out) and wanted to believe I could escape the weird life I’d been led into by my mom and my aunt that fast forwarded to this terrifying image of me becoming an old maid who never could loosen her grip on the reins long enough to know what love even was. Except maybe when drunk, but then that was like, “Hey, there aggression. Nice to get acquainted. You’ve got a lot of pent up shit in here, and alcohol is sort of exacerbating that.” Nevermind that I’m starting to learn that my inability to love unabashedly and compulsive behavioral fixes have something to do with being the adult child of an alcoholic. I didn’t have any idea about that then. I barely have an idea about that now. I told the therapist in our first session before I was pregnant that I thought maybe I wanted to get married and have a family of my own one day, and then BAM it had happened. It had to be fate, right? So, I started pregnant-waddling down this path to “healthy marriage” and family. I slowly stopped working and started letting him pay the bills. I slowly/quickly (depending on how you look at it) stopped talking to any and all straight/male friends and many of my straight/or-gay/female friends, no matter how important they were to me. I slowly got huge (I gained a lot of pregnant weight) and miserable and regretted the decision to stay pregnant half the time. I considered running away and making it on my own, but I felt trapped by my lease and all of the sacrifices I had already made to try to make this fucking work. I considered going somewhere else and not telling him when I had the baby and just hiding away almost every time we got into another one of our huge blowout fights. But then he would help me. We lived in this teeny apartment, and he rearranged the furniture just how I’d wanted while I was out of town for a week. He would put my socks and shoes on, rub my feet, sacrifice his place on the bed when I was uncomfortable, help me shave my legs, go to therapy with me each week. He tried so hard. I sobbed alone on long drives around the city and hated myself for the one brief moment that had conceived my son.

But then he was born, and all of that changed. I can’t explain that love to you. Even my issues couldn’t stop me from loving this magnificent human. He’s a miracle. He’s the only thing I’ve ever felt I was meant to do. And I had no clue till he came out. But now I know. 

His dad stepped up again. He tried again. He set me up every day with food and water so I wouldn’t have to get out of bed. He cooked and cleaned and worked so that I could stay in bed with my postpartum pain and the baby. I needed him, and he did everything I needed. There were still outbursts sometimes, but we were stressed. Who wouldn’t have outbursts with a life that hard and cramped? Then our son started getting a little older, and it wasn’t getting any easier. He wanted to have sex, naturally. He’d quit being Mormon, and we’d eloped so that we could explain to the government how many people were really in our household. He wanted to have sex and reconnect with me. But we spent the first year and two months of our relationship trying so hard NOT to have sex (because Mormon) that we’d wasted any chance we might have had to build that intimacy. Now, I was in excruciating pain and honestly really turned off by the thought of sex. I was exhausted. I still am. I rarely get a chance to shower. Some days, I forget or don’t get the chance to eat more than once. Back then, I never ate unless Zac allowed me to. If he was tired and cranky and didn’t feel like helping, I didn’t get to go to the bathroom or eat food or shower. I just had to deal with it. So when he was tired and at his limits, he pushed me way past mine. And honestly, I think I started to hate him for it. I may not have meant to, but I think the resentment was incredibly deep, and I loved Montgomery too much to feel it toward him. I know Zac had every right to be tired. We were working so hard. But as he got more tired, he woke up less to help me at night. As he got more tired, he changed fewer diapers and walked Montgomery to sleep less. As he got more tired, he gave me fewer breaks. And I started to lose my fucking mind.

Then my mom split her house in half to give us some privacy, and we moved in with her. My literal worst nightmare mixed with my wildest dreams. Montgomery could have a yard to learn to run and walk in that we could afford without me going back to work (since at that point, he couldn’t be away from me for more than 10 minutes without losing his shit anyway, I couldn’t even fathom working) but at the price of living alongside my mother again. I love my mother. I need her help with my son. I’m very grateful for this living situation. The rent is affordable, and the babysitter is free. But we still have a very complicated past and dynamic. Mixing the things I had to constantly give up to be with Zac with the things I have to give up to be with my mom finally sent me over the edge. Zac and my mom started to have this silent battle for control over my actions, and Montgomery is a baby, so he needed/needs me pretty much at all times. Zac’s anger kept getting bigger, despite mine being totally under wraps with the addition of motherhood as a part of my personality and the total absence of alcohol for almost two years (thanks, pregnancy and breastfeeding). He quit his job to go back to school, and we decided to live on loans–something that’s just the opposite of what I’m naturally comfortable with. He was home for six weeks. During those six weeks, most days, he was still tapped out. He cooked quite a bit, cleaned a little off and on, and didn’t do any work, but I still had to ask for showers and cut my time short because meltdowns were my job. Night wakings were still predominantly dealt with by me. I still felt unhelped. And while he was home, the jealousy kept peaking. It’s hard enough to talk on the phone with a baby present. Forget it when we’re all home. My only reality was the house. Not to mention that in that house, I would go into the dark with Montgomery for 12 hours each night. I would lay down with him for 30mins-2 hours every time he napped. During those times, Zac would sit in the living room getting alone time. Alone time I desperately needed and was asking for and still wasn’t getting. 

Seriously, after all of that shit. No wonder it broke. After having so little time for myself in 8 months that it’s literally quantifiable (in hours) on my hands, it’s no wonder. 

So I accepted a job. I needed some excuse to be alone for a minute. It was only 8-10 hours per week, condensed into two days. Good hourly pay rate. Good company. Room to move up in the future and get more work/hours/pay. And the kicker? From home. Literally my dream. Work a legit job that I can have anywhere. Hello, travel. I’ve been missing you. Unfortunately, that was the breaking point for Zac. Something about him having to help me watch Montgomery during those hours of work just wouldn’t click. And he snapped. But I’m so tired and so at my own breaking point from the zero time I’ve had to myself that I also snapped. 

And now we’re here. 

[bitter-blooded-demon]

Dear Fred: You are right, I'm wrong, and I apologize. I want you to go to church so that you will have a better life, and an easier life. That is not and should not be the reason one goes to church. The reason that we share the gospel, the reason we go to church, the reason we do missionary work is so that (we and) others can grow spiritually, and learn, and do what we need to to get back to Our Maker. Good luck with your meeting. My prayers are with you -- and you don't need to know that.

The problem with the mindset of going to church to have a better an easier life is... that’s not how it works. That’s just not how it works at all. I can pray, go to church, pay my tithing, take the sacrament... but that doesn’t guarantee that things will go well for me. You can do everything right and still die a horrible painful death at the hands of your enemies. If that kind of mindset does anything, it makes me more spiteful and angry when things DON’T go well despite me doing all that. In the long run it damages my already depleted faith. I don’t expect God to do anything for me, because I’ll just be horribly let down if he doesn’t or if someone’s free agency gets in the way (coughruinedmarriagecough). I also know that God expects us to do as much for ourselves as we can. God also isn’t there to answer ALL the questions. He just won’t. If you need real-time practical advice it’s YOUR job to get it if you can. You might get a feeling one way or another if necessary, but even I know God isn’t going to hold your hand through everything.

Yesterday I needed practical advice. I needed to know from an outside source whether or not I had enough evidence to defend myself or whether I needed more. And in times like that my anxiety is too high to hear the spirit if I even WAS getting anything out of that. As far as my unlucky streak goes, I’ve done everything right and STILL had the world fall around my ears. As it turns out me falling down the stairs has saved me from having to move 80lb boxes of charts around as a wild goose chase. ... so there’s that.

As for me not going to Church... and other misc. spiritual things such as my level of faith and whether or not I’m shaking my fist at God (I’m not) is between me and God. Generally speaking all the times I’ve gotten angry and thrown out that God has no play in the situation and I don’t want to hear about it is because when you bring it up it’s brought up to me as “____ isn’t going well for you because you’re not doing what God wants you to.” .... that’d be between me and God... and you don’t know that that’s the case... especially when the following sentence is “I guess you have to figure out what you’re doing wrong.” If God punished you for not doing EVERYTHING as you should ALL THE TIME... he wouldn’t be God... he’d be Lucifer... you’re playing to Lucifer’s ideals...

If your answer is “Maybe God just doesn’t want you to right now.” That could very well be the case... but as I do not have the Liahona... and as much as I’ve tried to make it magically appear under my couch... I’m not going to get a direct message of where to go or what to do then... and I KNOW God is not very likely to just drop the solutions in my lap. Kind of like the guy in the flood who’s about to drown but turned down all his opportunities to be saved because it wasn’t God saving him... I can’t just wait around for God to fix it... I have to assume that any opportunity that crosses my path *might* be meant for me and I have to go after them. I’m going to be hella disappointed if things fall through... but if I wait for a FOR SURE gift from God... I’m going to fucking drown.

If the answer is “It’s the DEVIL!” A lot of things are the Devil... some of those things are actually God... others are just the Matrix and Free Agency... it’s best to just assume it’s the Matrix and or Free Agency unless proven otherwise... because to think it’s either of the above, you just ruin your faith by wondering why God won’t eventually relieve the burden... which then leads to fist shaking.

As for me not going to Church, or paying Tithing right now... the practice of going to church is to gain more knowledge and faith in the gospel... which I’m not going to do on the hallway couch talking to my mom. I mean, in the classroom I can AT LEAST catch the purpose of the lesson. The rooms were too cramped for me to even want to be in them, because too many people gives me anxiety... so I have been called to inactivity. Something I’d think you could understand. But the terms and conditions of my call to inactivity and whether or not I’m going to be “punished” for not going (I’m not) are between me and God.

For Tithing. I was paying Tithing. I was paying Tithing faithfully... and you know what... I was facing the threat of soon to be bouncing checks or not eating. So I quit paying tithing, because I couldn’t afford to. I just flat out could. not. afford. that 10%. Not everyone can. How many stories of faithful Mormons elsewhere have we heard who literally had nothing with which to pay Tithing. Literally they pay things with trades and whenever they DO have money it goes straight to the church. I don’t live in a place where I can pay things in trades. And facing down the idea of not being able to pay my bills was LITERALLY affecting my mental and emotional stability and the peace of the household. We flat out were not receiving the blessings of tithing... for what reason I cannot say, it’s none of my business. So I quit paying my Tithe... and you know what? We’re not facing bounced checks or late bills or potential hospital visits because I haven’t eaten. There’s less worry. I don’t think this is a “trick of the Devil” that’s going to end when the other shoe decides to drop. God is not Lucifer in that matter. I think it’s a little bit like when you eat breakfast on Fast Sunday because otherwise you’ll get sick. You don’t get punished for that. And so the Terms and Conditions of my temporary leave of tithe is again between me and God. If you want my personal opinion on this matter... you’ve driven me SO HARD to do everything right, everything by the book, EVERYTHING God wants me to do. EVERYTHING RIGHT. out of FEAR.... I repeat FEAR... that if I didn’t God would punish me and take everything away from me and I would suffer.. that this is a lesson in NO that’s not how God works. I DON’T have to do everything right. I DON’T HAVE to go to Church every Sunday. I don’t HAVE to pay my tithe to the penny. I don’t HAVE to read my scriptures nightly, say my prayers, go to all side meetings, get my patriarchal blessing, have Family home evening, have a Temple Marriage and an idealistic Mormon life. I don’t have to be a perfect Mormon to get God’s love and Blessings. I just HAVE TO DO MY BEST.

I think that’s the lesson I’ve been meant to learn here. Even if I do everything right doesn’t mean I’m going to get ALL the blessings available. My family dissolved even when I was doing everything right. But I thought maybe it was me who was still doing something wrong... I couldn’t figure out what it was so I became angry... and then the Tithing thing happened... I’m not paying tithing but I’m getting the blessings OF tithing... in so much as I can make ends meet without stressing out about it. Solidifying that I DON’T have to do everything perfect 100% to get God’s love and Blessings... and if I’m unable to do everything perfect and to a T that’s OK. Because as long as I’m doing my best God will make up the difference.

And I think that’s something you also need to take out of this. You cannot force someone to Church. You cannot force people to do what they should. Dangling the carrot of God’s blessings is a wonderful bit of incentive (and also the cause of severe mental complexes and anxiety) ... but if that carrot doesn’t pull through like you promise... well... you could potentially chase someone AWAY from the gospel. It’s not your job to force or coerce someone to stay. Don’t be Lucifer. It’s your job to teach your children right from wrong and why (not just because God says so) help them understand the teachings of the gospel, and hope that they use those teachings and those tools and continue being faithful members on their own. Otherwise they could be robbed of ALL their blessings even if they are doing everything as they should.

Outside of that, what you DO have is a plethora of life experience and practical advice... and sometimes it’s that, that passing of the knowledge of experience is what is needed at that point in time. Sometimes God’s answer to someone’s prayer is YOU and the knowledge only YOU hold.

[mredwinsmith]

Putting Palestine on the Map

Pilgrimage in the Middle East is normally associated with either Mecca or Jerusalem, so my yearly renewal of faith is a counterintuitive journey. My voyage starts in the Holy Land and ends in Amman, at the Middle East North Africa Club Championships. The annual MENA championships are only 3 years old, and they’re the only ultimate tournament in the entire region. I’ve made the trek to Jordan twice now since moving to Bethlehem, both times as a player and coach with the only frisbee team in the Occupied West Bank of Palestine.

My first time in Amman, for MENA 2016, I walked with the first ever Palestinian frisbee team to Hashemite Plaza. We drilled our decidedly avant-garde version of a vert stack and ripped skip passes off the sunken flagstones, the disc backlit against the dusk by the restored Roman Theater. I climbed up to street level to take a picture and there was a man selling cotton candy while the Palestinians played pick-up. The picture came out grainy and the detail isn’t significant, but I remember how the cotton candy was pink, the way the guy trudged forlorn hawking pink clouds in the twilight as the Palestinians played before a stadium that had been empty for over a thousand years.

Mohammad Roman kicks his leg out on the mark.

The whole scene was enthralling and bizarre, chucking the disc at a 2nd century Roman theater in the Levant, and I thought, “Goddamn, frisbee is a magnificent game.” We lost every game at that tournament, and I got detained by border security for 2 hours and threatened with a lifetime ban from Israel on the way back, but it was still an exhilarating weekend for our team. Most of the Palestinians had never played a full game of ultimate before, had never even thrown a disc outside of the municipal field in their hometown, so the opportunity to play in a tournament with 12 Middle Eastern teams and meet players from over 25 different countries was a paradigm-shattering introduction to global frisbee culture.

The Palestinian team was founded and is largely held together by Daniel Bannoura, a local teacher and entrepreneur who is in some way the original Palestinian ultimate frisbee player. Dan, an amiable scholar who speaks English so well you would think he was from the States, was born in Palestine and picked up ultimate while getting his bachelor’s degree in physics from the University of Florida and his master’s degree in Islamic studies at the University of Chicago. He has received help at some key junctures, particularly in the very beginning from an American player and coach named Ben Spears, but foreigners come and go in the West Bank and the team is by and large a manifestation of Dan’s vision. What Daniel lacks in coaching experience, he makes up for in straight-up perseverance, and his dedication to developing ultimate in Palestine has brought the team a long way since I first met him last September.

I remember that first practice well – it was a ragtag affair. Some people weren’t in good enough shape to run one warm-up lap around the field, most people couldn’t throw a flick, and they were learning force, open side and break side completely backwards. Nobody had ever heard of a stack, in any direction. Despite all that, they had a dedicated core of players showing up every week, playing pick-up and falling in love with ultimate. I had been hoping to find a competitive team to practice with, but the reality was that with the exception of two other expats who occasionally made the trek from Jerusalem, my one year of college club experience made me the most experienced frisbee player in the West Bank. The only tournament I had played in since my freshman year at the University of Delaware was MARS 2016 in Pittsburgh, which is really more of a drunken spikeball and saturnalia-themed camping trip than a serious ultimate tournament. (That is not a criticism of MARS, which I highly recommend to any ultimate player who isn’t a Mormon or a Muslim.)

Koofiya warms up at MENA.

I ended up stepping into a coaching role I was woefully underprepared for, and it has turned out to be the most rewarding and perplexing cross-cultural experience I’ve had in Palestine. Nearly every Sunday night for the past year, I’ve been at the municipal field in Beit Sahur, teaching kids how to make upline cuts and trying to hit coaching points in mangled Arabic between drills and during line changes. More often than not, it comes across as impassioned gibberish. The older guys just smile and nod, and the younger kids stop me and very politely say, “Zane, just speak English.” I don’t really know how to coach, but I play the game with passion and bring some fire to the field. I’ve occasionally felt like I overstepped my bounds as a foreigner, pushing the team in a direction it doesn’t want to go in. Just as often I’ve been completely infuriated by the local players, who want to win games but have a complete disdain for discipline and repetition.

During one point at MENA 2017 one of our players told me that the stack doesn’t work for our team, and I told him as the pull floated in that we wouldn’t know if the stack works, since we’ve never actually run it in a game. I’ve gotten frustrated with my own lack of coaching ability or with the team’s lackadaisical attitude to the point that I’ve told Dan that I don’t want to coach any more, on multiple occasions. When I take a breath and a step back, however, the frustration melts away, and I’m left with a sublime appreciation for being in exactly the right place at exactly the right time to help get the Palestinian team off the ground.

Yusif, Baha, and Iskandar pose for the camera.

My second trip to Amman, for MENA 2017, was less surreal but no less enjoyable. Saturday saw me basking on sun-warmed turf, savoring the post-second day ache in my legs and sipping a cold beer during the finals game. It was a perfect day for ultimate, about 70 and sunny with the softest whisper of a breeze, and I simultaneously admired and envied the two teams in the finals for their opportunity to revel in such a moment. The scene would have been familiar to any ultimate player, except the muezzin was wailing its old-world exaltation from the nearby mosque loudspeaker, the beer was Petra Beer (“taste of the rosy city,” the red cursive font of the logo and the syntax of the slogan clearly drawing heavy inspiration from Coors Light) and the two teams in the finals, Wasta and Dubs, were both from the United Arab Emirates. Dubai has a high concentration of both expatriates and wealth, so they tend to field the strongest teams in the region, but Jordan has the largest program, with a good mix of expats and local players. The Palestinian team, rechristened as Koofiya and bolstered by four Mormon free agents who were in town with a Brigham Young religious immersion program, netted its first victory in club competition, and I crossed back into Israel without issue. It was an excellent weekend.

Koofiya huddles.

About a week after this year’s MENA tournament, the Palestinian Flying Disc Association was accepted as the 76th national member association of WFDF. Hearing from Daniel that our scrappy little frisbee community in Palestine had achieved enough critical mass to be accepted as a WFDF member was a moment of pure elation. As a rookie scrounging for field time with Sideshow back in 2011, I could never have told you that a peculiar marriage of interests and a character-defining brand of iconoclastic skepticism would eventually lead me to the unlikeliest frontier of frisbee, helping to establish the sport in the most culturally, politically, and religiously contentious place in the world. I transferred out of Delaware after my freshman year, and the intervening five years took me on a circuitous journey away from high-level ultimate and towards the Middle East, driven primarily by a deep curiosity about the Arab world, a speculative empathy towards the unmentioned culture of a people labeled enemy, and an existential ambivalence about what it really means to be an American. Through a string of seemingly disparate events including a summer language study abroad in Beirut, a year-long stint living and working on a cruise ship and an unlikely friendship with a Catholic brother named Ralph, I stumbled into a unique opportunity to live and volunteer in the West Bank. I have experienced the rhythms of daily life under military occupation, albeit from the privileged perspective of one who gets to leave whenever the oppression becomes too oppressive.

My time in Bethlehem has in many ways proven to be a confounding rather than an elucidating experience, and I’ll return home more cynical than when I left, both about the prospects for an equitable solution to the political situation in Israel and Palestine and the collective nature of humanity in general. That being said, my unique opportunity to bear witness to the beginning of ultimate frisbee in Palestine has been a deeply satisfying manifestation of my initial desire to come to the Middle East and create human relationships, and playing ultimate with Arabs is the only pursuit I’ve found that strikes a balance between an essential need for personal joy and a responsibility to my conscience in a world that seems filled with hate. In the midst of what has turned out to be a quixotic pursuit of truth, it has been gratifying to watch ultimate flourish in Palestine and across the entire Middle East.

Koofiya 2017

The post Putting Palestine on the Map appeared first on Skyd Magazine.

from Skyd Magazine http://ift.tt/2jlWmkv

[michelleinaba-english-blog]

For GS student, Prop 8 trial was personal

By

MICHELLE INABA MOCARSKI

Columbia Daily SpectatorFebruary 11, 2012, 10:20am

http://spc.columbiaspectator.com/2012/02/11/gs-student-prop-8-trial-was-personal

Ryan Kendall, GS ’13, sat on a hallway bench outside the courtroom on the morning of Jan. 20, 2010. Kendall was nervous, but focused. He was a man on a mission—he was about to serve as one of 19 witnesses against California’s Proposition 8, a 2008 ballot initiative that defined marriage as a union between a man and a woman.

On Tuesday—two years later—Kendall was finally able to celebrate a long-awaited victory: A three-judge panel from the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals found Prop 8 to be unconstitutional, bringing gay marriage one step closer to a reality in the nation’s most populous state.

“One of the arguments used to take away equal rights from gays and lesbians is that we choose our sexual orientation,” Kendall said, recalling his role in the trial two years ago. “I was presented as evidence that sexual orientation is not a choice.”

When Kendall was 15, his parents sent him to “conversion therapy” at the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality after finding out that he was gay. At NARTH, Kendall said, his life became hell, and he started to believe that suicide was the only way out.

“They were teaching me that I was a terrible person—that I was unlovable, defective, and damaged,” Kendall said. “Plus I had lost my family over this issue, and that just was incredibly emotionally painful.”

But at age 16, Kendall successfully petitioned for his own custody, and he was able to end his treatment at NARTH.

“I couldn’t keep coming to conversion therapy because I would probably have committed suicide,” Kendall said. “And aside from suicide, my only option was to go to Human Services and have my parents’ rights revoked.”

At the Prop 8 trial, Kendall used his experiences to make the case that being gay is part of his fundamental identity, arguing that he can’t be stripped of his right to have a family based on that identity.

“I testified about my conversion therapy because people say being gay is a choice and use that argument to take away our rights,” Kendall said.

Gay marriage was legal in California for several months in 2008, before voters narrowly passed Prop 8 in November of that year. Following the trial, a federal district judge struck down Prop 8, and the court of appeals upheld that finding on Tuesday.

But same-sex marriage is likely to stay banned in California while the appeals process continues. Prop 8’s backers plan to appeal the most recent ruling, either to a larger panel of Ninth Circuit judges or directly to the United States Supreme Court.

Columbia Law School professor Suzanne Goldberg has also been a part of the legal opposition to Prop 8. In October 2010, Goldberg—who is the director of Columbia’s Center for Gender and Sexuality Law—filed an amicus brief in appeals court on behalf of the center, arguing against Prop 8.

Any person or organization can file an amicus brief to provide information that might assist the court in reaching a decision. The appeals court’s ruling adopted some of the arguments presented in Columbia’s amicus brief, Goldberg said, adding that many organizations filed briefs.

“In a major case like this, many organizations want to add their views for the court’s consideration, to give the court additional ideas on how to think about the case,” she said.

In her amicus brief, Goldberg argued that California doesn’t have a legitimate reason to establish different marriage rules for same-sex and opposite-sex couples, as it treats those couples identically in all other ways.

“The Ninth Circuit point was the explanation that the rights had already been granted,” Goldberg said. “Giving it out and then taking it away shows a measure only to harm the couples. They have all of the basic rights of marriage, but not the name of marriage.”

Both Goldberg and Kendall said they were thrilled by the appeals court’s decision last week.

“The fundamental issue is whether or not you’re going to let people have their own families,” Kendall said. “And that’s the most basic right anyone gets: the right to their own family.”

After the trial, Kendall was interviewed by CNN and several other news outlets. He’s also become a character in the play “8,” which tells the story of the trial.

The play had a one-night Broadway premiere last September—with a cast including Morgan Freeman and John Lithgow—and in March it will debut in Los Angeles, where George Clooney and George Takei will star, among others. Kendall is portrayed by “The Book of Mormon” actor Rory O’Malley.

Reflecting on the trial, Kendall said that seeing Prop 8 declared unconstitutional made him feel like a “full citizen.”

“It’s a powerful thing for a court to declare what you already know: that you are equal just like anybody else,” Kendall said. “And each day it happens, it’s good for all of us everywhere, because it helps us approach that better world we are trying to build.”

But Kendall is still worried that other children will be put in the situation he was in. He believes that adults must “take away the stigma of being LGBT” in order to reduce youth suicide rates.

“Unfortunately, even if we win in this case, the reality is that many kids will still be shipped off to ‘straight’ camp. It’s an ugly truth,” Kendall said. “But at least when you start normalizing people who love each other, you start to make things better.”

[nerdygaymormon]

A response to Ed Smart is gay

Elizabeth Smart became well known because she was kidnapped from her home, raped & forced to live as if married to her kidnapper, and rescued. She helped educate the church against dangerous ways against teaching the Law of Chastity, like being a piece of chewed gum, because those very lessons made her feel she was worthless because she’d been raped and no one would want her. 

Ed Smart is her father. While I understand that he’s been out to his family and to others for several years, he wrote a Facebook post to extended family & friends to come out to them. Because of who his daughter is, his coming out has been reported in the Utah newspapers. 

Nathan Kitchen is the president of Affirmation. He wrote a response that I’m sharing below.

———————————————————————

I have remained silent about the Ed Smart article first published in the Deseret News, because frankly, a person’s sexuality is not newsworthy. It is modern-day voyeurism at its worst to gawk at the gay guy making a hard pivot in life. Just because we all got to know the Smarts during their intense publicity surrounding the kidnapping of their daughter, that doesn’t bestow upon us the right of familiarity with the Smart family.

The Smarts deserve their privacy as they make difficult decisions together. There are no sides here. Only a family trying to make sense of decisions made on the best information they had decades ago. Make no mistake about it, I want to be perfectly clear: both Ed AND Lois Smart are victims of homophobia. It is a deep homophobia etched into the very genetics of society and our institutions.

What we need to do, instead of focusing on a sensational story, is instead laser focus on the prejudices and misconceptions about sexual orientation, gender identity and expression. Eliminating those prejudices and misconceptions is in everyone’s interest. Eliminating homophobia and transphobia is not only essential for the health and well-being of LGBTQ+ individuals and their families, it is essential for the health and well-being of institutions, society, and culture at large.

However, I do think this entire situation brings up a very valid point that is game to talk about.

Ed expressed that in this coming out “the church is not a place where I find solace any longer.” I affirm Ed’s personal feelings on the matter. This reflects his experience and I will never qualify, question, or deny the experiences of any of my LGBTQ+ siblings. This statement does us all a favor by starting a conversation. It invites deep reflection and a hard look at ourselves as members and former members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, both LGBTQ+ and non-LGBTQ+ individuals: Is the church a safe place for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families?

For decades this kind of question was addressed from a very straight-centric perspective, stemming from the overarching premise “What does the Church think about LGBTQ+ people?” Hence over time we received lots of clues about what the Church thought about LGBTQ+ people. From the book “The Miracle of Forgiveness” to today’s Mormon and gay website, the standards of the church concerning LGBTQ+ individuals have been delivered to the members in a constant parade of books, talks, websites, and policies. The problem with this overarching premise is that straight people change their views of LGBTQ+ individuals when they get to know them. So this constant parade of church missives and policies change year, after year, after year as stereotypes are erased and the general population becomes educated concerning LGBTQ+ issues.

As the new civil rights movement continues forward, this continual changing perspective of “What the Church thinks” has become a moving target and tiresome to chase. It has given way to a new LGBTQ+ centric perspective: “What do LGBTQ+ people think about the Church?” This is the healthiest of all premises for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families. It is from this vantage point that we should all approach the question “Is the Church a safe place for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families?”

From an LGBTQ+ centric position concerning safety in the church, we must first acknowledge that there is a “rainbow stained-glass ceiling” in the church. This boundary specifically is marriage equality and the self-determination of gender identity by transitioning. It is the bright line set in doctrine and policy. You bump up against this ceiling when you marry someone of your same sex or transition.

If someone were to honestly ask what could make the church safer and welcoming for LGBTQ+ people, the honest answer would be to affirm marriage equality and self-determination of gender identity. However, ultimately this is an organizational revelation issue in the church. This falls squarely to the Brethren to be responsible for deliberation, inquiring, and delivering a doctrinal change. If there is one thing church history can teach us, it is that it will drive one mad to lobby the Brethren about anything.

So as the Brethren take up the question about what to do with LGBTQ+ members, we all can continue to work together to eliminate homophobia and transphobia in our sphere of influence. And we can do this in very LGBTQ+ centric ways.

Everyone understands that the “rainbow stained-glass ceiling” is there. So when we approach the question “Is the church is safe for LGBTQ+ people?” we need to honor LGBTQ+ people in their personal perspectives of what they themselves think about the church.

We cannot make a blanket statement that the church is not safe for LGBTQ+ people. This denies the self-determination of our LGBTQ+ siblings and erases their perspective. Conversely, we cannot make a blanket statement that the church is safe for LGBTQ+ people because that too erases lived experiences.

When you look at the entire spectrum of LGBTQ+ people in the church or those identifying that they are in the church, you will find LGBTQ+ people who find solace, safety, community, and peace. They have answered for themselves the question “What do I think about the church?” They are not self-loathing, they are not delusional, and they are choosing to live in ways that are empowering to them as an LGBTQ+ individual. It costs us nothing to affirm them in their answer in how they choose to access spirituality and community.

There are also LGBTQ+ people who experience conflict, trauma, suicidal ideation, and rejection at their intersection with the Faith. When they answer the question for themselves about what they think about the church, they do not see it as a safe place to be. They are not weak, lacking in faith, offended, or sinners to step away or leave the church. They are choosing to live in ways that are empowering and healthy for them. I would say that it costs us nothing to affirm their choices to step away or leave, but in reality it does cost. It costs the Church their best and most talented humans in a devastating resource drain from the church.

The thing that people get wrong about LGBTQ+ self-determination is that choices made by self-determination are eternal and unchanging. On the contrary, LGBTQ+ people have the right to change their answer to “What do I think about the Church?” at any time. There is fluidity to the answer, depending on so many individual factors. For example an LGBTQ+ person may find safety in the church until they bump up against the rainbow stained-glass ceiling when they marry someone of the same sex or transition. Others go the opposite direction, and after many years away from the church, they return.

People often get so caught up in a Mormon/Ex-Mormon argument loop about other’s choices concerning the church that it obscures the self-determination of the LGBTQ+ individual. There is not one “correct” way to LGBTQ+. The choice of the LGBTQ+ individual trumps all other judgements of other people.

The new frame of reference for us all is to be LGBTQ+ centric and affirm the very personal answer that an LGBTQ+ person has for themselves about what they think about the church. Anything else is just generic religious proselytizing for or against the church.

So from an LGBTQ+ centric position, knowing the rainbow stained-glass ceiling is firmly in place until the Brethren remove it, what can be done right now to make the church safer and more welcoming for LGBTQ+ individuals who answer for themselves that they want to be there? I have four ideas that can be implemented right now with no doctrinal or revelatory changes. I hope you share even more in the comments section.

1. Have uniform treatment of the LGBTQ+ community church-wide. It is no secret that transgender individuals are treated with the most extreme inequality from ward to ward and stake to stake in issues such as excommunication upon transitioning, attendance of second hour classes, speaking in church, and holding a calling. There is also geographical disparity concerning the management of same sex couples who legally marry. Bishops and Stake Presidents vary widely on youth LGB Issues such as handholding, dating, and even kissing.

It would take almost no effort to find the areas in the church where outreach and the welcoming of LGBTQ+ individuals and their families is occurring and universally train leaders across the church using models already utilized in some of the stakes in Zion. End local leadership roulette for the LGBTQ. We live in the age of the internet. LGBTQ+ individuals are highly aware of this inconsistency and it is troubling.

2. Increase transgender care and education. Much ignorance and transphobia abounds concerning the transgender community in the church. It feels that not much has changed in the understanding of transgender individuals since Dalin H. Oaks made a 2015 statement during a press conference that “while we have been acquainted with lesbians and homosexuals for some time, being acquainted with the unique problems of a transgender situation is something we have not had so much experience with, and we have some unfinished business in teaching on that.”

Simple things such as learning basic trans terminology, using someone’s correct name and pronouns, and changing someone’s name on church records when they have legally changed their name in the courts starts to make a dent in the care of transgender individuals and their families. (Also see #1 above.) We all can and need to be allies for our transgender siblings.

3. Stop the excommunications and church discipline for those who marry someone of the same sex or transition. Just call a moratorium on this spiritual act of violence while everyone is working out the unfinished business. Getting rid of LGBTQ+ people through church discipline reminds me of the harmful words of BYU President Ernest Wilkinson who in 1965 told the BYU student body that BYU did not intend to admit any homosexuals, but if there happened to be a homosexual among the student body, “I suggest that you leave the university immediately after this assembly; and if you are honest enough to let us know the reason, we will voluntarily refund your tuition. We do want others on this campus to be contaminated by your presence.”

LGBTQ+ individuals do not contaminate wards or stakes, they bless wards and stakes. They do not contaminate the children or the youth. The threat of excommunication and discipline creates an environment of fear and anxiety. It makes it unsafe for LGBTQ+ members to come and worship. Take this off the table to immediately make the church safer for LGBTQ+ people. Oh, and take off the asterisk on LGBTQ+ member records that were placed solely to identify that person as being a member of the LGBTQ+ community. That is immoral and wrong.

4. Take the time to talk to and really listen to LGBTQ+ individuals…both members and those who are not members of the church. Do not just seek out those who make you feel comfortable because they are Mormonormative and are like you. See those in the LGBTQ+ community who are not mormonandgay dot org approved gays and lesbians. And for heaven’s sake, stop seeking out the celebrity LGBTQ+ Mormons.

Look for and find the depth and breadth of the diverse and vibrant LGBTQ+ community. Build a relationship and maybe you will be trusted to hear some of the most powerful human stories. Find out what is important to these friends. Find out what hurts them. Listen and do not lecture or give advice. As a guest to their story you will learn of humanity in ways that sacredly expand your view of God and what it means to love one another. Then when they tell you their answer to the question, “What do I think about the church?” you will understand what you can do better to support the LGBTQ+ individual in their self-determination in this very mortal experience to find and have joy.

If you are really interested in making the church safer and more welcoming for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families, root each of your actions in the premise that your efforts in eliminating prejudices and misconceptions about sexual orientation, gender identity, and expression will have a profound positive impact for good for everyone. Everyone. You do not need anyone’s permission to start. You do not need anyone’s permission to love.

[nerdygaymormon]

Do you think that the church will one day allow gay marriage? I truly hope it will - I don’t think it would be as big a doctrinal change as many conservative members seem to believe

I’m no church leader. I’m not entitled to receive revelation or determine policies for the church and I’m certainly not privy to the thinking of the leaders about future changes. But to me, it seems inevitable that gay marriage will one day be allowed, and here are some reasons why I believe so: 

The many reasons the church has used to explain homosexuality have all been disproved. Not so long ago, our leaders finally acknowledged that homosexuality isn’t a choice, that’s a significant shift in their understanding. It was upon this earlier belief that the existing rules and doctrine were created. This change has already led to some softening of rhetoric and I hope it also leads to more substantial changes. 

As the church tries to explain the reasons it opposes gay marriage, usually by reducing marriage down to fertility and ability to have children, it ends up negating many straight marriages. This again is a sign that there’s a problem in how it understands & defines marriage.  

A majority of LDS members in the U.S. age 18-29 already are in favor of marriage equality. The percentage of the overall US church membership that supports gay marriage already is in the 40-something percentage range. It won’t be long before it crosses the 50% threshold.  

Currently LGBTQ people are absent from the Plan of Salvation. There’s no path to complete the covenant path that leads to exaltation for gay people unless they enter a mixed-orientation marriage. More and more people are wanting answers, which is reasonable to request from a church with a prophet and apostles and on-going revelation. 

There’s theological teachings, which are backed up by academic studies, that the greatest happiness in life is to be found in being connected with another person. Current policies forbid gay people from this deep level of satisfaction and all the positive benefits it has in a person’s quality of life. Why would loving and fair Heavenly Parents create someone only to deny them a shot at real happiness? 

————————————————————    

There have been significant doctrinal shifts that the Church has made in several areas and is the better for having done so. It can do so again. 

For one thing, the Church doesn’t use the Bible to explain or justify its teachings about homosexuality. I can’t remember the last time I heard any General Authority use Biblical verses in such a way. I assume it’s because they know the Bible isn’t so clear on the subject, it doesn’t say what a lot of Christians think it does.

Plus, there are things in the Bible that are clear which we don’t follow, such as Christ’s prohibition on divorce & remarriage except in cases where one partner cheated on the other. Getting past that seems like it would be difficult, but not so. Why would allowing same-gendered couples be any more difficult when Christ didn’t speak against them? 

————————————————————    

Taylor Petrey, in his presentation “Toward a Post-Heterosexual Mormon Theology,” imagines the possible future of LDS doctrine regarding homosexuality. (It can be downloaded here). Essentially he says by bringing back some of our theology and ritualistic practices of the past the Church can accommodate same-sex couples. 

He points out that we teach that God organized intelligences into spirits. That doesn’t sound like sex, does it? Currently the Church talks about needing a man & a woman to sexually create a spirit child and that’s why it’s a no-go on same-gender couples. 

Also, there doesn’t appear to be any women involved in any of the creation processes until Eve is made. It’s all men working with other men. Together they even created Adam. 

A former ritual he refers to is how people chose to be sealed to other people they weren’t related to, nor lived with. They talked about the “law of adoption” and sealed themselves to each other, men to men as father/son, as a way to link families. Wilford Woodruff ended that practice. 

Today we let LDS families be sealed to non-biologic children whom they’ve adopted or who came to them via surrogacy. 

Both these types of sealings can allow a gay couple to have have the same sealing blessings as non-gay couples.  

Petrey is critical of the Church’s teachings about gender. He points out how confusing it is. 1) It’s the one physical trait that our spirit has pre-mortal, mortal and post-mortal worlds. Why is gender the one thing that is fixed? 2) Gender in nature and in humans is not strictly binary, so how does this work with the idea that gender is eternal? 3) The Church is very concerned about gender confusion, meaning that gender roles have to be taught and same-sex couples confuse things. Including such things as who presides, who is the nurturer, the provider? 

How can gender be a fixed thing, but also be something that must be learned?

Plus Heavenly Father seems to inhabit the nurturing role that the Family Proclamation says belongs to females. And we don’t hear much about Heavenly Mother doing much “mothering.” So clearly heavenly gender roles don’t match earthly gender roles. 

Dr. Petrey uses the Church’s manual A Parent’s Guide to show that we don’t have to stick to the current binary thinking regarding gender and gender roles. 

“There is nearly as much variation within each gender as there is between the genders. Each human being is unique. There is no one model except the Redeemer of all mankind. Development of a person’s gifts or interests is one of life’s most enjoyable experiences. No one should be denied such growth.”

LDS ritual and rhetoric could embrace this variation, which could include homosexual relationships.  

————————————————————     

I appreciated Shawn Tucker’s My 22 Point Opinion on Temple Sealings

1. People don’t choose to be gay, to be only sexually attracted to people of their same sex.2. No one, I believe, would make that choice, since it is so socially frowned upon and since it does not lend itself to the advantages (of which there are many!) of heterosexual marriage.3. Since they don’t choose it, and since it is really born in them, I believe the gay people I know when they say that they do not feel that their attraction is wrong or a sin.4. Mormons typically think that such attraction is inherently wrong and against God’s plan, while gay people, especially gay Mormons, do not believe that their attraction is wrong or sinful.5. Mormons see heterosexual attraction as normal, natural, and even God-given.6. I believe gay Mormons when they say that they believe that their homosexual attraction is normal, natural, and God-given for them.7. Homosexual marriage seems to interrupt God’s plan, since such couples cannot have children in the traditional manner.8. That is the common argument against gay marriage.9. This, I believe, is partly why the church is placing so much emphasis on the family—to put up the traditional, heterosexual couple as the norm and their families as the only way to fulfill God’s work and plan.10. But I think that this emphasis has some bad consequences.11. This emphasis tells single people that they are not actually fulfilling God’s plan.12. It tells couples that cannot have kids that they are not fulfilling God’s plan.13 It tells couples that feel like they should not have kids that they are not fulfilling God’s plan.14. I believe that God can have a plan for His children that does not include having children—this happens for singles, for the infertile, for those who believe they should not have children.15. This can happen for gay couples.16. People who do not have children can be of great, great benefit to their ward, stake, church, and world.17. Their work can be just as important as having children. (This is a very important point—you might want to repeat it in your mind.)18. I can imagine God being happy with that work, in fact just as happy with that work as any other.19. I can imagine God very happy with same-sex attracted people finding each other, loving each other, fully committing themselves to each, and expressing that love and commitment physically.20. I can imagine God fully sanctioning gay marriage as right for that couple.21. I believe that the love that they share and develop here in mortality will accompany them in the next life, and that the “same sociality which exists among [them] here will exist among [them] there.” (D&C 130:2).22. I can imagine God sanctioning temple sealings of gay couples.

[nerdygaymormon]

David Simmons

David Simmons is a professor of Film Studies and Humanities at Northwest Florida State College (NWFSC) in Niceville, FL. That’s a very small town about half-way between Pensacola & Tallahassee in the Florida panhandle which is “the reddest of the red part of Florida.” 

He attended BYU for both his Bachelor’s and Master’s degree, and taught at the Missionary Training Center during that time. While at BYU he performed in several operas and plays, and was in Concert Choir and BYU Singers. He earned his Ph.D. from Florida State University. 

He makes a big impact in his north Florida community. He organized an on-campus Film Club, and a Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA). As faculty advisor to the GSA, he’s helped them organize the area’s first LGBTQ Masquerade ball, which was open to the public. He also organized the city of Niceville’s very first Pride Walk. 

He attends his local ward where he’s the choir director. “It’s difficult being gay and being a member of the church. It shouldn’t have to be. The Gospel is for everyone. But sadly, some members don’t think that.” He describes his ward as “a very conservative, military ward” (there’s an air force base nearby). 

Can you imagine being a queer kid in this conservative little town of 12,000 and all of a sudden, there’s someone openly gay who is making safe spaces and raising the profile of the queer community? 

This past week he was invited by his bishop to speak on ministering to LGBTQ members during a joint 3rd-hour meeting (5th Sunday). He says “There was a lot of pushback after I finished the talk, but that’s OK. I want to help church to be more loving for those who come after me.” 

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“By This Shall All Men Know Ye Are My Disciples”  Dr. David C. Simmons  Sep. 30, 2018 

On the last night of his mortal life, Jesus invited Judas to leave so that He could give a special message to his remaining 11 apostles (John 13:27-31). In Jesus’ Final Sermon, He gave them a sign, a way to tell who are Jesus’ true followers and who are not: “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another” (John 13:35). 

In other words, Jesus knew there would be some who would claim to be His followers, but are not. We can recognize them, both in and out of the Church, because instead of loving those who are different than they are, they put them down in a self-righteous way. 

Jesus went to the outsiders of his local community: the sinners, the poor, the lame, the blind, the lepers. He was teaching His true followers, in both word and deed, how to develop the capacity to love like He does. 

In our day, some of the ones who have been treated the harshest by Christian churches are members of the LGBTQ community. A few supposed-Christians use passages of scripture, or proclamations, or words from bygone leaders as weapons to harm the very natures of these children of God. 

I work with LGBTQ students at the College. I’ve listened to their stories. I’ve heard time and time again how they have been rejected by their families, their churches, and their communities, just for being who they are.(1) 

Many of their “Christian” parents, thinking they were “doing God service” (John 16:2), threw them out of their homes and families. Now these teenagers are homeless. LGBTQ youth are 120% more likely to experience homelessness than their peers.(2) 

LGBTQ youth are also 5 times more likely to commit suicide than their peers.(3) Nearly half of all LGBTQ youth have attempted suicide more than once.(4) And rates are even worse among LGBTQ youth who are members of the Church. Teen suicide rates in Utah have doubled since 2011, while the rest of the country did not see an increase.(5) 

Why is this? 

I want you to imagine that you were born as a member of the LGBTQ community. You grew up in Primary singing, “I Am a Child of God.” But then, at some point you were told by those who are closest to you, by those whom you love and trust to tell you the truth, that God doesn’t love you—that He has no place for you in the plan of salvation. 

What are your options at that point? It seems that none of them are very good: 

1) You can remain in the Church and live a lonely, pain-filled existence.(6) While everyone around you is boasting about the joy of marriage and being part of a family, you are constantly reminded that that is not for you. 

2) You can leave the Church and find love and a family. But then you are left without the great spiritual helps the Gospel of Jesus Christ can offer. 

3) You can marry someone of the opposite sex and may not be fulfilled. The Church does not encourage this anymore(7) because divorce rates in mixed-orientation marriages are far higher—80%(8)—and then often involve children.(9) 

Can you feel that none of these options are fulfilling? Perhaps this is why so many LGBTQ members of the Church lose all hope and purpose and then may choose to end their lives.(10)  

The Church is concerned about this. Just last month, on August 9, 2018, ward councils all over the world received a document called “Preventing Suicide and Responding after a Loss.” It begins with: “Members of the Church everywhere are invited to take an active role within their communities to minister to those who have thoughts of suicide or who are grieving a loss.”(11)  

The Church is changing considerably how it ministers with love to its LGBTQ members.(12)  

When Dan Reynolds, the lead singer of Imagine Dragons, organized an Aug. 2017 concert in Provo called LoveLoud, to let LGBTQ members know they are loved,(13) the Church put out an official statement endorsing that event: “We applaud the LoveLoud Festival for LGBT youth’s aim to bring people together to address teen safety and to express respect and love for all of God’s children. We join our voice with all who come together to foster a community of inclusion in which no one is mistreated because of who they are or what they believe. We share common beliefs, among them the pricelessness of our youth and the value of families. We earnestly hope this festival and other related efforts can build respectful communication, better understanding and civility as we all learn from each other.”(14) 

Just two weeks ago, on Sep. 17, 2018, the Church called Elizabeth Jane Darger, a longtime LGBTQ advocate,(15) to be on the General Young Women’s Board.(16) What a powerful voice to have advocating for LGBTQ youth in the Young Women’s program! 

The Church also has an official website, Mormon and Gay (mormonandgay.lds.org). It features the stories of many LGBTQ members, which are helpful for putting yourself in their shoes, so you can grow in understanding.(17) 

 This Church website also teaches several important principles: 

1) “God loves all of us. He loves those of different faiths and those without any faith. He loves those who suffer. He loves the rich and poor alike. He loves people of every race and culture, the married or single, and those who. . . identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. And God expects us to follow his example.”(18) 

2) “No true follower of Christ is justified in withholding love because you decide to identify [as a member of the LGBTQ community].”(19)  

3) “God’s plan is perfect, even if our current understanding of His plan is not.”(20)  

We don’t see the whole picture right now. As Paul taught: “For we know in part, and we prophesy in part” (1 Corinthians 13:9-13). Since we only “see through a glass, darkly” in relation to many eternal things, instead of pretending that we fully understand God’s will in all ways, shouldn’t we act on what He has called us to do: love? That was the Savior’s prime commission to His followers. Indeed, it’s how they would be identified by others as His true disciples. 

The problem may lie in our understanding of our LGBTQ brothers and sisters. Some members may look at them as having a physical impairment that needs fixing. Both Elder Holland, in General Conference,(21) and the Church’s official website explain that this is not true(22). LGBTQ members are not choosing a “lifestyle”; it is how they are. 

If we could learn to see our LGBTQ brothers and sisters like the Savior sees them, it would change our entire worldview and behavior. We would never make jokes about the LGBTQ community in our daily interactions. We would never express disgust at someone whose gender or sexuality was different than ours. We would never teach a child to turn off the TV when an LGBTQ person talks about their life.(23) Such actions not only contain unknowing bias and privilege, but are also doing untold harm to the lived lives of our brothers and sisters. 

Statistically, at least 5% of the population is a member of the LGBTQ community,(24) with some recent surveys having this percentage far higher.(25) Even if we take the lower figure, that means that in a ward of 500 people, there may be at least 25 LGBTQ members. That so many of them are now less active is telling. 

You and I both know multiple members, including young men and young women, who have passed through our ward, and been told they were “others,” or “less than,” or “outsiders” because of their gender or their sexuality. They sat through well-meaning but uninformed talks and lessons where a statement or teaching was weaponized against them. They were made to feel as though there was no place for them in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Today, many of them have left the embracing arms of the Savior, His atonement, and His restored gospel. What a breathtaking, unbelievable loss for us, for them, and for God. 

We still love them. But wouldn’t it better if they had these things to bless their lives too? Aren’t they better off inside the Church, rather than being forced away because of the unkind words and deeds of those who should be followers of Jesus Christ? Isn’t that what true ministering is all about? Reaching out with love to people no matter where they are on their spiritual journey? 

Last month, speaking in a BYU Devotional, Eric D. Huntsman, a Professor of Ancient Scripture, explained our need to minister with love to our LGBTQ brothers and sisters: “We should never fear that we are compromising when we make the choice to love. . . . Accepting others. . .means simply that we allow the realities of their lives to be different than our own. Whether those realities mean that they look, act, feel, or experience life differently than we do, the unchanging fact is that they are children of loving heavenly parents, and the same Jesus suffered and died for them, as for us. Not just for LGBTQ+ sisters and brothers but for many people, the choice to love can literally make the difference between life and death.”(26) 

Undoubtedly, there are those in this room who will have children, other family members, or friends who will come out to you. It will be one of the most painfully vulnerable moments of their life. Decide right now, that you will respond immediately with overwhelming love and kindness. That’s all you have to do. Just put your arms around them and say, “Thank you for telling me. I love you just like you are.” 

Think to yourself, “How would the Savior reach out with love?” Then love like that. It may take having to unlearn some of the things your local culture has taught you in order to walk the higher way of the Law of the Gospel (loving like Jesus loved). 

Seek out LGBTQ people in your circles of influence. Get to know them and their stories. Instead of correcting and instructing, just listen, feel, and love them for who they are. Become a powerful friend and ally. 

If you don’t have the strength to do this yet, cry out to your God for strength, for courage, and for the ability to develop the capacity to love as He loves. 

If you are a member of the LGBTQ community, try this experiment. Go home tonight and pray in secret: “Dear Heavenly Father, do you love me?” Feel God’s immense peace and love wash over you as He confirms this with certainty. You are His child and He loves you. The Gospel is for you too. 

 Conclusion The Holy Ghost bears record to our souls that God loves all of his children, not just his straight children. He loves his gay children, his lesbian children, his bi children, his trans children, and those who are still trying to understand the divine way he made them. The atonement of Jesus Christ is for everyone. 

Nephi taught this sublime, eternal truth: “[The Savior] inviteth all to come unto him and partake of his goodness.” What does “all” mean? It means “all.” 

“And he denieth none that come unto him.” What does “none” mean? It’s means “none.” 

“Black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen [that means non-member]; and all are alike unto God” (2 Nephi 26:33, emphasis added). 

It’s my testimony that the Savior’s atonement is for everyone. He wants us to establish Zion right here and right now. But that can only be done by partaking of the atonement, and allowing our natures to be changed so that we are filled with love for everyone, especially those whom our local culture deems as “outsiders.” Then we can’t wait to go forth, becoming the Savior’s hands to lift, to minister, and to love others. 

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

[If you need someone to talk with about the ideas presented here, please email me (David Simmons): filmteach@me.com] 

Appendix 1: Scriptures, Quotes, and Resources for Further Study 

“Mormon LGBT Questions.” Bryce Cook, March 17, 2017. This is the most profound resource on how the Church’s view on LGBTQ members has changed over time. I think every member of the Church should read it. If it’s too long, read a summary here: 

“LGBT Questions: An Essay.” By Common Consent, March 19, 2017. This is a summary of Bryce Cook’s landmark “Mormon LGBT Questions” document. 

Mormon and Gay. This is the Church’s official website. They recently changed the name from mormonsandgays to mormonandgay to acknowledge the many members who are both. 

“Hard Sayings and Safe Spaces: Making Room for Struggle as Well as Faith.” Eric D. Huntsman. Aug. 7, 2018, BYU Speeches. A masterful talk given last month at a BYU Devotional about our need to love each other wherever we are on our spiritual journey. 

“A Mission President’s Beautiful Response When a Missionary Came Out to Him as Gay.” LDS Living, Aug. 27, 2018. Cal Burke’s inspiring story about coming out to his mission president and being received with love. 

“Mormon and/or Gay?” By Common Consent, Aug. 20, 2018. How we often unknowingly use “othering” language in our discourse about our LGBTQ brothers and sisters. 

“To Mourn with Gay Friends That Mourn.” By Common Consent, Oct. 4, 2017. Why we often correct and instruct rather than listen and feel when we talk with our LGBTQ brothers and sisters. 

“An Open Letter to Latter-Day Saints: When a Gay Person Shows Up at Church.” By Common Consent, Nov. 8, 2015. A discussion of the unbearable choice given to LGBTQ members. 

That We May Be One: A Gay Mormon’s Perspective on Faith and Family. Tom Christofferson. SLC: Deseret Book: Sep. 2017. An apostle’s gay brother tells his experience of being unconditionally loved and supported by his family and bishopric after coming out to them. You can purchase it here. 

President M. Russell Ballard  • “I want anyone who is a member of the Church who is gay or lesbian to know I believe you have a place in the kingdom and I recognize that sometimes it may be difficult for you to see where you fit in the Lord’s Church, but you do. We need to listen to and understand what our LGBT brothers and sisters are feeling and experiencing. Certainly, we must do better than we have done in the past so that all members feel they have a spiritual home.”(27)  

Elder Quentin L. Cook  • “As a church, nobody should be more loving and compassionate. Let us be at the forefront in terms of expressing love, compassion, and outreach. Let’s not have families exclude or be disrespectful of those who choose a different lifestyle as a result of their feelings about their own gender.”(28) 

Matthew 9: Loving Outsiders is More Important than Church Ritual  • Matthew 9:10-11 “And it came to pass, as Jesus sat at meat in the house, behold, many publicans and sinners came and sat down with him and his disciples. And when the Pharisees saw it, they said unto his disciples, Why eateth your Master with publicans and sinners?” Here, church leaders and members are rebuking Jesus for being with tax collectors (a hated segment of society, that were often excommunicated from the synagogues) and sinners • Matthew 9:12-13 “But when Jesus heard that, he said unto them, They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick. But go ye and learn what that meaneth, I will have mercy [Greek: eleos, “love” or “compassion”] and not sacrifice.” Jesus is here quoting Hosea 6:6, where He once told the prophet: “I want you to show love, not offer sacrifices” (N.L.T. Hosea 6:6). In other words, showing love to the outcasts of society is more important than church rituals. It’s more important than partaking of the sacrament. It’s more important than going to the temple. If you don’t love others (especially the outsiders, like Jesus did) than none of the rituals  • N.L.T. Matthew 9:13 “For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.” Jesus is very clear with these church leaders and members who think they are following all the rules, but yet are looking on the outcasts of society, that they are in a far worse position than those they look down on. They are the greater sinners. 

Humble Outsiders Will Go Into the Kingdom of God before SelfRighteous Members  • Matthew 21:31 During His mortal ministry, the Savior had some of his harshest words to say to members of the Church who were afflicted by self-righteous-itis. They thought they were better than females, or the poor, or those outside certain family lines. To them, He said: “The publicans and harlots go into the kingdom of God before you.”  • Matthew 22:1-14 Jesus also told the parable of the marriage of the king’s son, where those who were bidden to the marriage dinner “would not come,” so the king tells his servants to go out to the highways and gather as many of those the world deemed as outsiders, to come partake of the feast. He said to do this because “many are called [baptized members of the Church], but few are chosen [to live the way the Savior lives].”  • The Savior Himself went to the poor, the lame, the leprous, the blind, to those whom society deemed outsiders. If we want to be like Him, we shouldn’t align ourselves with the self-righteous in our day and put down the vulnerable and the outsiders. We should instead follow His example and seek out those who may have been labeled “outsiders.” 

The Outsiders Will Go Into Heaven Before Complacent Members  • Luke 14:15 “And when one of them that sat at meat with him heard these things, he said unto him, Blessed is he that shall eat bread in the kingdom of God.” Since this teaching may not be absolutely clear, Jesus gives a parable to explain it—the Parable of the Great Supper.  • Luke 14:16-17 “Then said he unto him, A certain man made a great supper, and bade many: and sent his servant at supper time to say to them that were bidden, Come; for all things are now ready.” What’s the supper? Feasting on the Gospel of Jesus Christ. This is such a beautiful image. When we take it inside of us, it becomes part of who we are (Schaelling, C.E.S. Institute Lecture, “Great Supper”).  • How do we accept the invitation to the Supper? Through baptism (Schaelling, C.E.S. Institute Lecture, “Great Supper”).  • Luke 14:18-20 “And they all with one consent began to make excuse. The first said unto him, I have bought a piece of ground, and I must needs go and see it: I pray thee have me excused. And another said, I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I go to prove them: I pray thee, have me excused. And another said, I have married a wife, and therefore I cannot come.” What excuses do people make not to come to the feast? New ground, new oxen, new wife. There are many reasons that people can give for not putting the Gospel of Jesus Christ first in their lives. Do we ever put possessions, or even family members, before the Savior? What does Jesus say about this in verse 26? “If any man come to me and [Greek “doesn’t love less”] his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also; or in other words, is afraid to lay down his life for my sake; he cannot be my disciple” (J.S.T. Luke 14:26). This is tough. What do you do if your wife wants you to stay home instead of doing your home teaching? What do you do if your parents tell you they will disown you if you get baptized into the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ? When I was on my mission in Texas, there was an 18-year-old non-member girl named Letti who went to seminary with some of her friends, felt the Spirit of God tell her it was true, and knew she needed to join. But her parents told her that if she did, she would no longer be considered one of their family. What a tough choice for anyone to have to make. Yet, she went through with her decision to be baptized anyway, for she could not put other things—even family—before the Savior. Letti was being a true disciple of Jesus Christ. She put him first above all things, even her own family  • Luke 14:21-24 “So that servant came, and shewed his lord these things. Then the master of the house being angry said to his servant, Go out quickly into the streets and lanes of the city and bring in hither the poor, and the maimed, and the halt, and the blind. And the servant said, Lord it is done as thou hast commanded, and yet there is room. And the lord said unto the servant, Go out into the highways and hedges, and compel them to come in, that my house may be filled. For I say unto you, That none of those men which were bidden shall taste of my supper.” What does this mean?  • 1) Since the Jews, the Lord’s covenant people, were rejecting the supper, that great feast of the Gospel was just about to go to the spiritually poor, maimed, halt, and blind: in other words, the Gentiles, beginning at the time of Paul (Schaelling, C.E.S. Institute Lecture, “Great Supper”).  • 2) For me, individually, it means I need to come and partake of the Savior, and his Gospel, and have this mighty value change in my life where I realize that earthly things are only here to be turned into eternal things by using them to help other people, so that my place at the eternal feast doesn’t go to someone else who is more giving, more loving, and more compassionate than I am. I need tobe like the Savior. 

Matthew 19:30 The First Shall Be Last and the Last Shall Be First  • Jesus said: “But many that are first shall be last; and the last shall be first.”  • As Dr. Fatimah Sellah recently said: “I’ve long believed of the marginalized of this church and the world, that if the first shall be last and the last shall be first: I’d be careful if I were first right now. I’d be careful if I were the ones at the pulpits and held the power. God is a God of disruption and flips things on its head.”(29) 

Ephesians 2:19 There Are No Outsiders in God’s Church  • “Now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellowcitizens with the saints, and of the household of God.” 

President Brigham Young  • “The least, the most inferior person now upon the earth . . . is worth worlds” (Journal of Discourses 9:124). 

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf  • “Sometimes we confuse differences in personality with sin. We can even make the mistake of thinking that because someone is different from us, it must mean they are not pleasing to God. This line of thinking leads some to believe that the Church wants to create every member from a single mold—that each one should look, feel, think, and behave like every other. This would contradict the genius of God, who created every man different from his brother, every son different from his father. . . . As disciples of Jesus Christ, we are united in our testimony of the restored gospel and our commitment to keep God’s commandments. But we are diverse in our cultural, social, and political preferences. The Church thrives when we take advantage of this diversity and encourage each other to develop and use our talents to lift and strengthen our fellow disciples” (“Four Titles.” Ensign. May 2013). 

Bishop Gerald Causse, First Counselor in the Presiding Bishopric  • “During His earthly ministry, Jesus was an example of one who went far beyond the simple obligation of hospitality and tolerance. Those who were excluded from society, those who were rejected and considered to be impure by the self-righteous, were given His compassion and respect. They received an equal part of His teachings and ministry.  • “For example, the Savior went against the established customs of His time to address the woman of Samaria, asking her for some water. He sat down to eat with publicans and tax collectors. He didn’t hesitate to approach the leper, to touch him and heal him. Admiring the faith of the Roman centurion, He said to the crowd, “Verily I say unto you, I have not found so great faith, no, not in Israel” (Matthew 8:10; see also 8:2-3; Mark 1:40-42; 2:15; John 4:7-9).  • “In this Church there are no strangers and no outcasts. There are only brothers and sisters. The knowledge that we have of an Eternal Father helps us be more sensitive to the brotherhood and sisterhood that should exist among all men and women upon the earth.  • “A passage from the novel Les Misérables illustrates how priesthood holders can treat those individuals viewed as strangers. Jean Valjean had just been released as a prisoner. Exhausted by a long voyage and dying of hunger and thirst, he arrives in a small town seeking a place to find food and shelter for the night. When the news of his arrival spreads, one by one all the inhabitants close their doors to him. Not the hotel, not the inn, not even the prison would invite him in. He is rejected, driven away, banished. Finally, with no strength left, he collapses at the front door of the town’s bishop. The good clergyman is entirely aware of Valjean’s background, but he invites the vagabond into his home with these compassionate words: “‘This is not my house; it is the house of Jesus Christ. This door does not demand of him who enters whether he has a name, but whether he has a grief. You suffer, you are hungry and thirsty; you are welcome. … What need have I to know your name? Besides, before you told me [your name], you had one which I knew.’ “[Valjean] opened his eyes in astonishment. “‘Really? You knew what I was called?’ “‘Yes,’ replied the Bishop, ‘you are called my brother.’” (Les Miserables 1:73).  • “In this Church our wards and our quorums do not belong to us. They belong to Jesus Christ. Whoever enters our meetinghouses should feel at home.  • “It is very likely that the next person converted to the gospel in your ward will be someone who does not come from your usual circle of friends and acquaintances. You may note this by his or her appearance, language, manner of dress, or color of skin. This person may have grown up in another religion, with a different background or a different lifestyle.  • “We all need to work together to build spiritual unity within our wards and branches. An example of perfect unity existed among the people of God after Christ visited the Americas. The record observes that there were no “Lamanites, nor any manner of -ites; but they were in one, the children of Christ, and heirs to the kingdom of God.” (4 Nephi 1:17).  • “Unity is not achieved by ignoring and isolating members who seem to be different or weaker and only associating with people who are like us. On the contrary, unity is gained by welcoming and serving those who are new and who have particular needs. These members are a blessing for the Church and provide us with opportunities to serve our neighbors and thus purify our own hearts.  • “Reach out to anyone who appears at the doors of your Church buildings. Welcome them with gratitude and without prejudice. If people you do not know walk into one of your meetings, greet them warmly and invite them to sit with you. Please make the first move to help them feel welcome and loved, rather than waiting for them to come to you.  • “After your initial welcome, consider ways you can continue to minister to them. I once heard of a ward where, after the baptism of two deaf sisters, two marvelous Relief Society sisters decided to learn sign language so they could better communicate with these new converts. What a wonderful example of love for fellow brothers and sisters in the gospel!  • “I bear witness that no one is a stranger to our Heavenly Father. There is no one whose soul is not precious to Him.  • “I pray that when the Lord gathers His sheep at the last day, He may say to each one of us, “I was a stranger, and ye took me in.” Then we will say to Him, “When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in?” And He will answer us, “Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me” (Matthew 25:35-40). In the name of Jesus Christ, amen” (“Ye Are No More Strangers,” General Conference, October 2013). 

  ENDNOTES  —————————— 

(1) McKeon, Jennie. “NWFSC Students Hosting Inaugural Gay Ball.” WUWF. Sep. 20, 2018. http://www.wuwf.org/post/nwfsc-students-hostinginaugural-gay-ball 

(2) Silva, Christina. “LGBT Youth are 120% More Likely to Be Homeless Than Straight People, Study Shows.” Newsweek. Nov. 30, 2017. https://www.newsweek.com/lgbt-youth-homeless-study-727595 

(3) “Facts About Suicide.” The Trevor Project. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/preventing-suicide/factsabout-suicide/#sm.001r5tfiv1doccqtqy6168cjea5zn 

(4) http://www.speakforthem.org/facts.html 

(5) Utah Department of Health, https://ibis.health.utah.gov/pdf/opha/publication/hsu/SE04_SuicideE piAid.pdf  See also: Hatch, Heidi. ��Is Utah’s Youth Suicide Rate Linked to Utah’s Culture Surrounding LGBT?” https://kutv.com/news/local/isutahs-youth-suicide-rate-linked-to-utahs-culture-surrounding-lgbt  See also the Church’s official page on LGBTQ suicide: https://mormonandgay.lds.org/articles/depression-andsuicide?lang=eng 

(6)  “My Life at BYU-I as a Gay Mormon.” https://zelphontheshelf.com/mylife-at-byu-i-as-a-gay-mormon/ 

(7) “President Hinckley. . .made this statement: ‘Marriage should not be viewed as a therapeutic step to solve problems such as homosexual inclinations or practices.’” https://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/interview-oaks-wickmansame-gender-attraction 

(8) Kort, Joe. “Mixed-Orientation Marriages.” GLBTQ. 2015. http://www.glbtqarchive.com/ssh/mixed_orientation_marriages_S.pdf 

(9) Carol Kuruvilla, “Gay Mormon Who Became Famous for Mixed Orientation Marriage Is Divorcing His Wife.” Huffington Post. Jan. 29, 2018. https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/gay-mormon-josh-weeddivorce_us_5a6f331be4b06e253269d34a 

(10) Lang, Nico. “‘I See My Son In Every One of Them’: With a Spike in Suicides, Parents of Utah’s Queer Youth Fear the Worst.” Vox. March 20, 2017.  https://www.vox.com/identities/2017/3/20/14938950/mormonutah-lgbtq-youth 

(11) This document outlines the warning signs for suicide:  • Looking for a way to kill themselves  • Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live  • Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain  • Talking about being a burden to others  • Acting anxious or agitated or behaving recklessly  • Withdrawing or isolating themselves  • Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge  • Displaying extreme mood swings When you many of these there are three things to remember: Ask, Care, Tell. 

1) Ask. Ask the person directly if they are thinking about suicide. If they say yes, ask: “Do you have a plan to hurt yourself.” If the answer is yes, call a crisis helpline. (The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.) If the answer is no, move to step 2:  2) Care. Show that you care by listening to what they say. Give them time to explain how they are feeling. Respect their feelings by saying something like: “I’m sorry you are in so much pain. I didn’t realize how hard things are for you right now.” You might offer to help them make a Suicide-Prevention Safety Plan that helps people identify their personal strengths, positive relationships and healthy coping skills.  3) Tell. Encourage the person to tell someone who can offer more support. If they will not seek help, you may need to tell someone for them. You may want to say something like: “I care about you and want you to be safe. I’m going to tell someone who can offer you the help you need.” Respect them by letting them pick the resource, such as a someone on the free crisis helpline. 

(12) For the best, most-thorough examination of the how the Church’s position regarding LGBTQ members has changed since the days of President Kimball, see: Cook, Bryce. “Mormon LGBT Questions.” March 17, 2017. I think every member of the Church should read this.   https://mormonlgbtquestions.com/2017/03/17/what-do-we-know-ofgods-will-for-his-lgbt-children-an-examination-of-the-lds-churchsposition-on-homosexuality/ 

(13) A documentary called Believer (2018) tells the fascinating, dramatic story of the lead-up to this concert: https://www.hbo.com/content/hboweb/en/documentaries/believer/a bout.html Here’s how you can watch it: https://heavy.com/entertainment/2018/06/watch-believerdocumentary-online/ 

(14) Official Church Statement, August 16, 2017, https://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/church-statement-loveloud-festival 

(15) Cynthia L. “New YW and RS Boards Include Two Black Women, ‘Common Ground’ LGBT Inclusion Advocate.” Sep. 18, 2018. https://bycommonconsent.com/2018/09/18/new-yw-and-rs-boardsinclude-two-black-women-common-ground-lgbt-inclusionadvocate/#more-106875 

(16) https://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/new-latter-day-saintgeneral-board-members-named 

(17) https://mormonandgay.lds.org/stories?lang=eng 

(18) https://mormonandgay.lds.org/articles/church-teachings?lang=eng 

(19) https://mormonandgay.lds.org/articles/who-am-i?lang=eng 

(20) https://mormonandgay.lds.org/articles/gods-plan?lang=eng 

(21) “I must say, this son’s sexual orientation did not somehow miraculously change—no one assumed it would.” Holland, Jeffrey R. “Behold Thy Mother.” Oct. 2015 General Conference. https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/10/behold-thymother?lang=eng 

(22) “A change in attraction should not be expected or demanded as an outcome by parents or leaders.” https://mormonandgay.lds.org/articles/frequently-askedquestions?lang=eng 

(23) Nick Einbender, Post on “Mormons Building Bridges,” Sep. 18, 2018. https://www.facebook.com/groups/mormonsbuildingbridges/permali nk/1513907792043410/ 

(24) Steinmetz, Katy. “How Many Americans Are Gay?” Time. May 16, 2016.   http://time.com/lgbt-stats/ 

(25) It is likely a much larger percentage. In another study, 20% of Millennials (ages 18-34) self-identified as LGBTQ; 12% of Generation X (ages 35-53); 7% of the Baby Boomers (ages 52-71). The discrepancy likely arises from an increase in acceptance and safety in the culture the Millennials are growing up in. This makes them more likely to come out as LGBTQ. There are probably equal numbers throughout history, but it wasn’t as safe for older generations to come out for fear of violence, rejection, loss of job security, and loss of standing in the community. See Gonella, Catalina. NBC News. March 31, 2017.   https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/survey-20-percentmillennials-identify-lgbtq-n740791 

(26) Eric D. Huntsman, “Hard Sayings and Safe Spaces: Making Room for Struggle as Well as Faith,” Aug. 7, 2018, BYU Speeches, https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/eric-d-huntsman_hard-sayings-andsafe-spaces-making-room-for-both-struggle-and-faith/ 

(27) “Questions and Answers.” BYU Speeches, Nov. 14, 2017. https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/m-russell-ballard_questions-andanswers/ 

(28) https://mormonandgay.lds.org/articles/love-one-another-adiscussion-on-same-sex-attraction 

(29) Dr. Fatimah S. Salleh, Affirmation Conference, July 22, 2018.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyoXa9z76v0