#My gay friend Lan Zhan was mean but he lived like a block away.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

No time to play. You are being sent away.

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[eyeslikefoxglove]

Episode 5 - WangXian flirts & The fucking lake does fucking what?

Welcome to episode 5 commentary. I should very much be packing my flat but I am a fucking mess so... also, my cat seems intent on blocking my hands from writing.

LWJ don’t give a fuck about “strange noises” lol.

Hhhhggghhhhhhh is the Library scenes. Wangxian/WuJi is playing and I’m living (we are barely three minutes in, brace yourselves).

Anyone who can do Chinese calligraphy and with a brush has my forever admiration. Holy shit it looks like the most nerve wracking time, I write with a quill (fountain pen? Ink pen? Idk google translate says all three fit) and I already favour thin tips so my handwriting is crisp and legible, I can’t imagine writing with something that’s flexible with pressure.

Btw, my fan girl ass got herself a black bamboo quill as a graduation/Christmas present because I could not pass the opportunity of having my very own ChenQing in a manner of speaking. Sorry, back to the commentary.

Bitch don’t scream in the library.

He doesn’t hate you, he wants to kiss you stupid but *vaguely gestures at the fact that LWJ is a whole ass repressed gay teen mess* that.

(Again, what the fuck, calligraphy brushes lol nope)

“May I have the honour of getting a glimpse of you?” Hooooooly shit, so that was smoother than I expected.

IT’S BEST BOI WN!

I understand not bothering to translate things like “Shijie” because “senior martial sister” sounds hella weird. But doesn’t jie/Jiejie mean big sister? WN calling WQ sister or big sister is not weird.

Wait, not only is their love song playing, he’s also sneaking looks al LWJ so he can draw him accurately and grinning like a fool.

This charming idiot.

“Extremely boring” yeeeeees sassy LWJ come forth.

I honestly did not see him switch the books and I’ve replayed that bit time and time again.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never read a book like this.” WWX, darling gremlin, you’re talking about Lan “Whole Ass Repressed Gay Teen” WangJi.

But LWJ looks like he’s going to rip his throat out with his teeth.

WWX is so upset his gay porn got shredded (and this sounds dirtier than i meant it to)

Speaking of dirty, I know that that special book chapter exists, but I also know it’s uncomfortable for a bunch of people (myself included) so I won’t mention it past this point. But when I say anything about LWJ wanting to tackle WWX onto the nearest flat surface and do him, I mean in a very enthusiastically consensual way.

All this to say, LWJ’s crush just showed him a gay porn book and LWJ is a teenager, the self control this dude has is hilarious (bc I’m pretty sure if he’d kissed WWX right then and there Wi-Fi would be like: you mean we could’ve been doing this the whole time?).

I know that WWX is Oblivious(tm) but I swear Xiao Zhan plays him very much like a disaster (bi) trying to flirt with someone he actually has a crush on and he can’t? Because his usually suave bullshit doesn’t work? And he wants to see LWJ all riled up? I mean, he’s oblivious to LWJ’s monster crush on him, but I’m pretty sure he knows/suspects he’s into LWJ himself.

Ooooohhh LWJ is spitting mad. I love how Wang YiBo can make facial expressions without actually moving his face.

One Braincell Trio gossip sessions are the best. And I saw at least one translation of JC’s “nobody will save you” that was “nobody will bury your corpse” which I find fucking hilarious.

Ngl, I was mildly worried that they were going to try and use WWX as a red herring this early in the tv show when LXC asks LWJ who he’s seen creeping around the back of the mountain and he answers that he’s seen WWX, but LXC is co-captain of the ship (the other captain is Shijie, NHS is Second-in-Command) and he didn’t disappoint.

Uuuuughhhhhh it’s that bitch Su She. If you see random bouts of screaming just assume Su She is on screen and I don’t want to deal with his bs.

I can’t believe they changed Water Ghouls to Water Ghosts. Ghouls is cooler.

[We interrupt this broadcast to inform you that all that commentary above ^ is from a few days ago, so if the following looks like I’ve lost the thread in some places... I did lose it]

Yooooo JC’s stupid grin and his awkward attempts at talking to WQ give me life. I NEED FURTHER WQ&SHIJIE INTERACTIONS! THEY MUST BECOME FRIENDS.

What a cute gremlin my god.

You can see the moment LXC decides to be both the best wingman and a shit to his little brother.

WN IS HERE HI WN WE LOVE YOU.

LXC and all his baby chicks lol.

(I just checked on my cat, he’s drugged to the gills, so his inner eyelids are half closed and he’s doing the mlem, it’s hilarious)

WangXian: the fucking lake does fucking what?

I love WWX in detective mode.

THANK YOU. WWX’s alcohol thing is driving up the wall. One, bc he’s a damn kid in here, two bc he’s about to go night hunting, and three bc I’m pretty sure he’s 👌this close to forming a habit.

Ooohhh I hate this. I’m not scared of large bodies of water or anything, but the second you tell me something bigger than a trout may be roaming nearby I’m nope-ing right the fuck out.

He just saved your ass dude, don’t call him boring!

I swear LWJ almost had a Qi deviation when he told WWX to stay away from him, and the the gremlin just came suuuuuper close to him and bent down... to get his sword. You know, like a normal human being would do. Not.

Nooooope. Wait “aqua demon” that better not be Netflix’s translation of Waterborne Abyss.

Su She’s whole damage is bc he thinks LWJ looks down on him just for wanting to be like him. But LWJ clearly said get tf on your swords and fly, not “send your sword into the lake like a dumbass” so Su She is a moron.

I know in an adaptation WWX ends up in the water when trying to save Su She, are we sure that he didn’t kick him off the sword? Bc he is That Bitch.

WN NO.

THE COMB.

LOQUATS! (Btw are they any good, how do they taste?)

That is all for this episode. Thank you for reading!