#NOT ACTUAL SPOILERS. unless this does happen which ngl. would be fucking hilarious

[crimeronan]

i think the funniest way to respond to the toh leaks would be to ignore them n not watch but to post increasingly ludicrous concepts as if you Have watched and they Are canon. unrelatedly there's an alternate future timeline sequence where a green-haired amity kisses hunter & upon seeing this current timeline!amity throws up. then the future changes and now amity is kissing willow. hunter and luz in the background are like weirdly cool with this and for a sec you as the audience think everyone's broken up in this older timeline but then older!luz cheerfully kisses willow too and amity slings an arm over both their shoulders. there is no explanation for any of this whatsoever. current!amity and current!luz are both like Weirdly okay with everything. while current!hunter and current!willow are both the embodiment of the 😳 emoji.

[esseastri]

Megan Reads Oathbringer (part 1)

Me: okay but I don’t remember the back half of WoR, I should really, really finish the reread before starting... Also me: okay, buuuuuuuuuuut................what if I just..............start

[insert evilkermit.jpeg here]

There are a few relevant points of information:

Tags: Megan reads OB and Oathbringer spoilers. (I’ll also have housekeepers on there, like Brandon Sanderson, Stormlight Archive, and Oathbringer, but those first two are the important ones.)

Everything will be under a readmore.

Above the readmore will be the page numbers covered in that liveblog, so you’ll know how far I’ve gotten (and that way, if you’ve read that far you’ll be okay to read the lb).

There's…going to be a lot of swearing? I have learned that I have no control over my language when I get overly emotional and I feel like I’m going to spend a lot of this book overly emotional. I would like to apologize in advance, and while I promise to try to keep my swearing to a minimum, there might be more than a few bad words.

Shameless self-promotion for the previous two liveblogs: WoK and WoR.

I’m pretty sure that’s all the important bits. Enjoy!!

Part One encompasses pages 1-90 (subsequent parts)

*screams quietly into the ether forever*

PROLOGUE

hoooolly shiiiiiiiittt: Eshonai

Please tell me this means we’ll finally learn why the Parshendi killed Gavilar.......

SHE’S SO EXCITED I’M SO SAD I hate knowing what’s happened to her

...the Parshendi...didn’t know about the parshmen? what? the heck?

I’m....baby Esh is so excitable and curious and I.. love her. and I’m so. so sad. that she loses this.

“an indoor privy with running water, a concept she still didn’t understand.” Who does, babe. Who does.

me, every time amaram appears: “fucking asshole. fuck off fckkkk” I just.... hiss like a cat every time his name appears on a page. I hate him. ARGH.

I spelled his name as “aramaram” and had to go correct it I was so upset he was HERE that I forgot how to spell.

“Traitors who had abandoned their gods to be free.” And they FEARED the return of their gods, before stormform and the Everstorm. They feared it--because they were not free... But...stormform isn’t freedom, and their gods are back and....history repeating itself?

Also, the fact that Gavilar took the time to learn her name is very endearing and like... Gavilar was A Good, guys. He tried so hard.

NOOPE NEVERMIND, BAD, ACTUALLY. THAT’S SO SELFISH WHAT THE HECK

“Bring back your evil, destructive, enslaving gods so that we can have our nice, honorable, fighty ones back please.” NO, THAT’S SO DISGUSTING THAT’S SO SELFISH WTH

GAVIILAARRRR. I BELIEVED IN YOU! I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU!! WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU

WAIT, so he was getting the visions before Dalinar? Did we know this already? That makes sense... it’s very Boromir/Faramir, tbh, but like... what, one died, and Honor was like “welp. guess we’ll try his bro”

wait, okay, so ...the black sphere that he gives Szeth...........what. Esh knows what it is--so it’s some kind of spren. But it’s not the angerspren/hatespren that they bond with for stormform--those are red. So what’s...this one? Voidspren? Are there voidspren? Voidspren to create voidbringers...presumably more powerful than stormform.

I AM CONCERNED.

PART ONE

okay, that map tho; after reading Edgedancer, I’m VERY CONCERNED that there’s an Oathgate to Aimia... I don’t need any more 200-cremlings-in-a-trenchcoat popping up out of nowhere, but thanks anyway

it makes sense that this book stats with Dalinar, but HOW! IS! MY! BOY! WHERE! IS! KALADIN!

Dalinar is so polite tho. saying ‘thank you’ to the Stormfather

Also ONLY SIX DAYS???? AAHH

“It had been a hardy, stubborn lot who had grown in this place.” This is Kholinar: it highstorms nine months of the year, and weeps the other three. Any food that grows here is tough and tasteless. The people that grow here are even more so. The only upsides are the pets. While other places have...cats or chickens, we have...cremlings.

(Though Lisa made a good point--are there actually cremlings?? or are all cremlings just...bits of Aimians scuttling about like spy bugs?)

“The queen had gone silent.” I...genuinely don’t trust her, and I’m more inclined to believe she’s radio silence out of a need to save her own damn skin than any other reason.

......somehow I never really thought that Odium would be light...

THE WOMAN HE LOVED

YAASS.

(I have priorities)

They’re being cute. It’s been, like, half a page and I’m just over here making big, cooing noises at them being cute. help.

OH SHIT THAT WAS QUICK

THEY FOUND SADEAS ALREADY AND I AM CONCERN

(tho, I mean...it took them six days to find the body, that’s....actually not really quick. but still.)

OH WAIT NO, OKAY, IT TOOK THEM  ONE DAY WELL SHIT

oh god

Adolin, bby. pls. don’t.... LISTEN, THE FIC I WROTE ABOUT GUILTSPREN WAS A FIC

HI TEFT I HAVE MISSED YOU BUT ALSO PLS CALM DOWN AAAHHHH

this is page frikkin 37 and I’m already dying

I’M SO SCARED OF WHAT IALAI WILL DO. SHE’S GONNA PIN THIS ON BRIDGE 4 I KNOW IT. SHE’S GONNA TRY AND I’M GONNA SCREAM

WHY IS ADOLIN HERE. KIDDO PLS. DOn’T COME BACK TO THE SCENE OF THE CRIME I’M

unrelated, but I can’t stop thinking about baby Eshonai basically damning her people to war and revenge to stop their gods from returning and Venli just like...whipping a godling out her pocket like “nvmd, we’re doing this anyway” and like. fuck Venli, tbh.

Back to current events and:

I love Palona.

“steady Adolin and impenetrable Renarin” HE LOVES HIS SONS SO MUCH I’M CRY

“certainly wouldn’t have gone so far as to kill Sadeas themselves” ABOUT THAT

I love that Urithuru has safety railings. like... throwing shade at every big space opera ever.

I still don’t know how I feel about Lopen growing his arm back...

“Our ultimate goal is the preservation of Roshar” Sorry, bud, Preservation is dead...

and also on a different planet.

AAAWWW SNAP! THIRTY-FOUR YEARS AGO! HERE WE GO!!!!

“He didn’t need Shards to intimidate.” Nah, but I bet they help.

tbqh, it’s really, really weird to think of Dalinar fighting not in Shards.

excuse you, that horse did nothing to deserve that.

heheheheh, so much for your nose, bucko

Gooooddddd, Brandon writes battle so cinematically. I want to film this. Gaaaahhh

of...of course punk!Dalinar’s horse is named Fullnight. How deliciously extra of him.

“I tried to kill you!” “from a distance! Which shows remarkably good judgement!” DALINAR, PLEASE. 

Enthusiastic ultra-Gryffindor rambo Dalinar is hilarious

It’s been 50 pages, where’s Kaladin

Sadeas in YELLOW shardplate?? who is he?

Also, ngl, I’m a lil pissed that I still have to deal with Sadeas--even if it’s young, not-quite-so-vile Sadeas. Like......he’s dead! I shouldn’t have to put up with his slimy face anymore!

“What would we do without you?” “Lose.” What an asshole. What a dudebro. I hate how much I love him.

the Thrill concerns me, tbh.

I know that we know it is of Odium, but like. It Concerns me.

THAT WAS QUICK

THE EVERSTORM TURNAROUND??? THAT WAS DISTRESSINGLY QUICK?

I’m sad Dalinar doesn’t get a little spren buddy wandering around with him at all times, because, like. Stormfather. But like. spren buddy.

Now I’m trying to picture the vast and infinite Stormfather just flitting around Dalinar’s head in meetings and making faces at Syl across the table and laughing my ass off.

oh NO not her SAFEHAND

seriously, they. are. so. cute.

“Your stubborn refusal to get seduced is making me question my feminine wiles.” HAAAAHAHA OMG, DARLINGS PLEASE

also, Dalinar, omg, give it up already, bro.

I realize there are like...ecological and climatology implications of the Weepings stopping before they are supposed to, but I can’t help but be glad that Kaladin won’t be suffering for as long as he normally would with the seasonal depression...

WHAT! WAS! THE! BOON! ...unless this is the boon. Unless Dalinar asked for the Nightwatcher to take away the pain of losing his wife and instead she took away his wife... and his punishment is something else.

in which case WHAT! WAS! THE! PUNISHMENT!

“I’d let a confused dishwasher marry us.” I realized belatedly that she meant, like...a person who washes dishes. And not a machine that washes dishes that most people on earth have in their kitchens.

Also, Dalinar and Navani really need to please stop being so adorable, I’m SO HAPPY THEY’RE GETTIN MARRIED AND THE FRIKKIN STORMFATHER IS GONNA OFFICIATE THAT’S HILARIOUS I LOVE THEM

I LOVE THAT THE WEDDING IS LIKE... HIM AND NAVANI AND THE BOYS AND SHALLAN AND A FEW OTHER MINIONS. THIS IS DELIGHTFUL. I LOVE THIS

THERE IS NOTHING ABOUT THIS I DISLIKE

Bridge Four is too important for guard duty! They’re so important! They’ve come so far!!!! I LOVE THEM!!??

she just had a wedding dress just... lying around.

god I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!

...poor Elhokar. “if only we could keep up.” boy has no confidence and no chance to learn it.

NAVANI’S FRIKKIN GLORYSPREN OMG

“What does he remember that I cannot?” Uh...your other wife, my dude. I’m sure this has something to do with how your wife died.

AAHH. HERE HE IS!!!! THE BOY!!!!! MY BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nooooo. no, kaladin please. you didn’t fail. oh god, no, come on. don’t think like that.

I’m

aaahhhhh

“It felt wrong not to bear the symbol of Bridge Four.” AAAHHHHHHH

I’M

!!!!!!!!!

I’m JUST NOT OKAY

aahh, at least he was properly concerned about the Everstorm filling his spheres with...bad stuff? of some kind? I’m super glad that it didn’t, that it doesn’t, but like. At least he was concerned about it!

hello fronds, I love Syl a LOT

also: covered safehand, that’s hilarious. She’s a real grown up, now!

nooooooooooo

it can’t be all dead

they have to have

someone has to have been smart enough to get a large part of the town into shelter

Kaladin, your dad isn’t stupid, he would have. he would have tried.

(this would be way, way more distressing if I hadn’t been spoiled for the fact that Lirin and Hesina are alive...like...I’d probably be crying right now.)

“How often are you going to make me apologize for that?” Pfffft I mean.

HE GREW UP AND THEY DON’T RECOGNIZE HIM AND I’M

AAAHHH

“Are there wounded” and he just GOES because that’s where his dad would be and he just . goes. to his dad.

I’m crying?

THEY’RE CRYING I’M CRYING EVERYONE IS CRYING

THEY THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD AMARAM FUCKING TOLD THEM HE WAS DEAD AND I’M

THEY’RE

“MY SON IS ALIVE” YEAH HE IS AND HE’S AMAZING AND YOU’RE GONNA BE PROUD OF HIM OH

I’M

AAHHHHHH

I really hate Amaram. A lot.

his mom is a good. and she just keeps her hand on his shoulder like protectiveness and like reassurance that he’s still there and I’m. aaaAAAHH

“For now, he just wanted to be here with them.” GOOD. LET THE BOY REST. LET HIM EAT SOUP AND REST.

“The wrong-way highstorm” I mean...not wrong

“They never got to meet Captain Kaladin” aaAAHHH

I HAVE A LOT OF EMOTIONS ABOUT INCARNATIONS OF HUMANS AND I’M

this is a lot

LIRIN OFFERING TO BUY THE WRIT OF SLAVERY IS A LOT I’M JUST

crying

“Perhaps it was time to stop letting the rain dictate his mood. He couldn’t banish the seed of darkness inside him, but Stormfather, he didn’t need to let it rule him either.”

I...have a lot of feelings about Kaladin.

And I have a lot of feelings about how Kaladin and his depression interact and about how he deals with it. And how he’s seen the worst in himself and promised to never let it get that bad again. And how he’s seen that even though it’s a part of himself that he has to keep fighting, keep dealing with, keep understanding, it doesn’t have to be the only thing in him, the only thing in his life, the only part of him that matters. He can have other parts, other important bits of him and his personality. He might always have bad days, but that doesn’t have to be the majority of them. Not if he chooses to be stronger, to try to get better. There’s always going to be depression, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be other things.

It took me a longass time to come to that same realization and I just...am really, really... proud of him? and of myself? and of anyone who has depression who thinks the same way we do? and though I’ve found it to be a smidge disconcerting to have your own personal thought processes spelled out on paper by someone who isn’t you, there’s a comfort in that...I’m not the only one who feels like this, who has these ideas, who makes these decisions about my depression.

Anyway, I really, really love Kaladin and I’m. emotional . and I’m. “He didn’t need to let it rule him either.” No. We don’t. We can deal.

ANYWAY I’M EMOTIONAL ABOUT KALADIN AND IN OTHER NEWS WATER IS WET, FIRE IS HOT, AND THE WORLD IS ROUND.

WAIT. Did Syl.....was she aiming for someone else? “distant yet demanding”. Who else...was she gonna bond with. before Kaladin? My first instinct is Tien, but that...doesn’t fit. One of his men? in his squad? Or before that, Hesina maybe? I’m? ...surely not Lirin...... he’s not. enough.

god, his first thought is that Adolin would be disappointed in fashion heheheheh I love these boys. becoming friends. maybe. hopefully.

KAL PUNCHING ROSHONE IS A++ 100% GRADE A GOOD SHIT

GOD BLESS

AAAAAAHHHHHHH

“That was for my friend Moash” I’M!!!!!!!!!!!! EMOTIONAL!!!! ABOUT MY BOYS!!! AND THEIR FRIENDSHIP!!!!! PERSISTING EVEN THOUGH BAD DECISIONS!!!!

Kaladin’s stubborn refusal to give up on people is. A Lot. EVeRYTHING IS A LOT. THIS IS A LOT

“and for the first time in a long, long while, he was happy with that person.” THAT’S CAUSE YOU’RE A GOOD PERSON THE BEST PERSON AAAHHH

SUMMONING SYL AND “ANY QUESTIONS” AND OHHH MY GOD. that shit’s hot. I’m. hhnnnggggggg

“until he had enough stormlight to fly home.” home. I mean, we knew that “home” wasn’t Hearthstone anymore, but. Dalinar is home. The warcamps, Urithuru. Bridge Four. I...I am so proud of how far Kaladin has come.

“I don’t like the idea of swinging you around, smashing you into things.” “Firstly, I don’t smash into things. I am an elegant and graceful weapon.” HI, I LOVE SYL A LOT

GET IT, LARAL

HECK YE

“That’s a girl I was never going to marry, no matter what happened.” “I like her.” “You would.” I LIKE HER TOO SHE’S STRONG AND CAPABEL AND DON’T NEED NO MAN. GET IT, GIIIRRLL!!!!

I love that Roshar has a Hippocratic oath equivalent. I also have mixed feelings on Lirin’s incredibly strict adherence to his Hippocratic oath equivalent. like..yeah, Do No Harm is one thing. But being self-righteous about it to the point of not wanting your son to fight evil monsters from the void? Take a chill pill, my dude.

NAVANI SPANREEDING HIM PERSONALLY IS A LOT

also, I really have strong feelings about Dalinar generally addressing Kaladin as “soldier” and the responding “Sir.” I know they had a long talk about chain of command, but it’s just. so satisfying that it’s still going.

“Send us a glyph each evening to know you are safe.” GOOD DAD IS WORRIED ABOUT HIS SON AND I’M EMOTIONAL

AAAHHHHH HIS VERY FIRST INSTINCT IS TO HOLD HIS BABY BROTHER I’M!!! KALADIN IS SO GOOD AND LOVING AND WONDERFUL!!!

guys, I don’t know if you know this about me, but I really love Kaladin.

guys, I don’t know if you know this about me, bUT I REALLY LOVE KALADIN.

[vampir3d]

Thanks for tagging me @suchaverageverywow  !! <3

THE LAST…

1. Drink: Flat Dr. Pepper

2. Phone call: My boyfriend before cos I was checking he wasn’t dead (he wasn’t just ill)

3. Text message: My boyfriend again, this time talking about cheesy garlic bread

4. Song you listened to: Sweat - The All-American Rejects

5. Time you cried: Sunday night because I thought about my Guinea Pig that died a couple of months ago. I’m sad af. But also, I’m adopting this cute fluffy black one hopefully soon!! So I will stop crying.

HAVE YOU EVER…

6. Dated someone twice: This is the second time I’ve ‘dated’ my bf but the first time was very short and we broke it off because of my anxiety issues. We decided to stay friends and get to know each other, before, eventually after a year, we decided we should get back together (because I love him still).

7. Been cheated on: No, thankfully

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: No, actually.

9. Lost someone special: Not unless you count the Guinea Pig from before^^

10. Been depressed: Well everyone feels depressed from time to time but I would not say I am depressed.

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: I threw up last week but that may not have been the alcohol, I feel, but I dunno it also could have been... I think I ate too much tbh.

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:

12. Red

13. Pink (though it’s just a lighter shade of red innit)

14. Black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

15. Made new friends: Yes, especially my friendo Jasmin I would say, who I’ve made really good friends with this year :))

16. Fallen out of love: No

17. Laughed until you cried: I laugh at everything, yes definitely. My friend fell off her chair today trying to kick the boy in front of her and I nearly cried.

18. Found out someone was talking about you: No...

19. Met someone who changed you: Literally every person tbh

20. Found out who your true friends are: Yes... I already knew but I think it became more prominent and I realised I didn’t have to bother with them as much.

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Well yeah, I have my bf on Facebook so...

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Pretty much all, I don’t add internet friends on Facebook. I dunno why, I don’t really use it that much tbh.

23. Do you have any pets: Miso is my fish (his counterpart was called Sushi because I’m hilarious) and I may be adopting a Guinea Pig this weekend which is called Bella!

24. Do you want to change your name: Nah

25. What did you do for your last birthday: Nothing. My best friend tried to throw me a mini surprise party but no one wanted to come :(

26. What time did you wake up: 6:30 kill me, I felt like death.

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping

28. Name something you cannot wait for: Summer, I go on holiday for a few weeks and then get to spend the rest of the time asleep or with my boyfriend. Or preferably, both.

29. When was the last time you saw your mother: Twenty minutes ago when I had tea (I’m hiding in my room now)

30. What is the one thing you wish you could change about your life: I suppose the only thing I’d want to do now is be rid of my anxiety... ngl apart from that, stuff is okay. Or you know, become rich.

31. What are you listening to right now: Where The Lines Overlap - Paramore

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: There is a Tom in a few of my classes, he’s okay but v annoying and keeps wondering why he doesn’t get laid (spoiler: it’s because he is annoying)

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: How fucking tired I am and how my bf isn’t here to give me cuddles until I fall asleep ahhh :(

34. Most visited website: At the moment, Youtube, Tumblr and Crunchyroll, is all I use tbh lmao.

35. Elementary: Kinda miss that, I left like 4 years ago now wtf (I presume this is the American version of Primary school?)

36. High School: I’m about to go into the last year and I’m pumped for that. I’ve actually had a good year too.

37. College/university: I wanna go to University hopefully...

38. Hair colour: Blonde naturally and also now dyed 

39. Long or short hair: Medium but I’m gonna get it cut fairly short (on or above my shoulders) soon

40. Do you have a crush on someone: Harry Styles, Michael Clifford, Gerard Way, Cole Sprouse, Dan Howell and Phil Lester, Awsten Knight... and I guess my boyfriend is okay looking too.

41. What do you like about yourself: I just want everyone to be happy and to make people happy :(

42. Piercings: Standard ear lobe

43. Blood type: No idea, I wanna know too 

44. Nickname: Jess(?) or Sugarmuffin if you’re my bf eww

45. Relationship status: In a relationship for the first time. Ever.

46. Zodiac sign: Virgo

47. Pronouns: She/her

48. Favourite TV show: OKAY I’M REALLY STOKED FOR THE SECOND SEASON OF STRANGER THINGS SO I’M GONNA SAY THAT RN.

49. Tattoos: None

50. Right or left hand: Right

FIRST…

51. Surgery: I haven't had any (thankfully?)

52. Piercing: Standard ear lobe was done in the summer of 2013 I think

54. Sport: Swimming probably

55. Vacation: I think we went Menorca when I was very young??? Idk if it was the first but one of the very very first

56. Pair of trainers: Baby trainers I guess, fuck knows

57. Eating: ?? idk

58. Drinking: These questions are confusing is it asking me for the first thing I ever drank? mate, probably my Mother’s milk help

59. I’m about to: Fall asleep probably

60. Listening to: How Do You Feel? - The Maine

61. Waiting for: Death

62. Want: DEATH

63. Get married: Yeah I totally wanna get married

64. Career: I don’t have one and honestly fuck knows what I’m gonna do

YOUR TYPE…

65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs and kisses... OKAY HUGS

66. Lips or eyes: Eyes

67. Shorter or taller: Someone taLLER PLS. I need to be protected.

68. Older or younger: My bf is younger than me but idc. I’d probably choose older if given the option but it doesn’t really matter.

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Stomach?

71. Sensitive or loud: My bf is both lmao. I prefer it when he is being sensitive though sometimes xx

72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship omg

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Both depending on the situation. It’s probably better if they’re more of a troublemaker because I’m not!

HAVE YOU EVER…

74. Kissed a stranger: No!

75. Drank hard liquor: Not hard liquor

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Nope

77. Turned someone down: I had to politely turn down this girl who asked me out because I’m straight :(

78. Sex on first date: Fuck off

79. Broken someone’s heart: No 

80. Had your heart broken: No

81. Been arrested: No

82. Cried when someone died: My Guinea Pig?? does that count??

83. Fallen for a friend: MY BF IS MY BFF NGL YES

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

84. Yourself: Her? Fuck no

85. Miracles: Not really... maybe a little

86. Love at first sight: Yes, though it doesn’t always need to happen that way for it to be love

87. Santa Claus: He is real? I’ve met him multiple times

88. Kiss on the first date: Maybe if you know the person well enough beforehand

89. Angels: I’m living proof baby no

OTHER…

90. Current best friend’s name: Sarah

91. Eye colour: Blue 

92. Favourite movie: SO MANY. I’m gonna say Howl’s Moving Castle for now