#Napoleon was such a cutesy person

[empirearchives]

Napoleon calling the astronomer Lalande “grandpapa”

‘Bonaparte attends with great regularity the sittings of the National Institute, of which he is a member.’ ‘Bonaparte,’ he writes further, on April 20, 1798, ‘always calls me his grandpapa, because he is a pupil of D’Agelet, who again was a pupil of mine. I have begged him to use his influence with the Directory to obtain the removal of the Opera House, which in case of fire is dangerously near the Library. I also suggested the purchase of Paulmy’s admirable library, consisting of 100,000 volumes, and recommended that some new instruments and an increase of salary be granted to Thulis at Marseilles—all of which has been accomplished.’

*both of Napoleon’s actual grandfathers died young before he was born

Source: Life of Alexander von Humboldt (1872), Vol. 1, Pg. 233, Karl Bruhns (ed.), Jane Lassell (trans.) and Caroline Lassell (trans.)

[themovieblogonline]

Review: Disney Continues The Hot Streak With 'Zootopia'

Synopsis: In a city of anthropomorphic animals, a fugitive con artist fox and a rookie bunny cop must work together to uncover a conspiracy. (Imdb) Over the last couple of years we've been treated to some really good animated movies such as Up, Frozen, Big Hero 6, Inside Out and now with Zootopia. The selling point is already build it--furry animals. What kid, or for that matter adult, wouldn't want to see a movie with cute, furry animals. What makes Zootopia a hit is that these animals are given distinctive personalities and backstories and placed into a visually alluring futuristic-looking animal paradise. Judy Hopps (Ginnifer Goodwin) is a bunny that is an overly ambitious rabbit who wants to make a change, defy the odds, and become the first bunny to be a cop. Good luck. Hopps (fitting cutesy name) finally gets her chance in Zootopia. There just has to be something that gets in the way of her new dream career, and that thing is Nick Wilde (Jason Bateman). Wild (another fitting cutesy name) is a wildly sly fox. Ok, I'll just stop with the puns. Hopps being the determined bunny she is (with an apparent Napoleon complex), gets wind of Wild's hustler business and attempts to bring him to Zootopian justice. A case of a missing otter forces Hopps to enlist Wilde to help her with the search. THE GOOD: Zootopia is a really fun and engaging movie. There is a plethora of animals, all with some human characteristics, yet have the cute appeal. In Zootopia everyone comes together from all walks of animal life. It's the NYC-LA with a touch of Dubai and Siberia. Point being that it's an elaborate magical looking world. When Hopps sets out to move to Zootopia on one of those jet fast electric trains, she passes through all sorts of regions and climates. She goes through a desert, a place resembling Antarctica, a rainforest, and then ends up at the combination of all those places--Zootopia. The characters have a personality that's distinguishable. As mentioned Hopps is a go-getter, eager, perfectionist try-hard. Wilde is the scheming, charismatic, arrogant, and sly. He's also a character you can't fully dislike, he's likable douchy fox. Other characters that make notable appearances are Gazelle (Shakira) the iconic Zootopian Shakira. Chief Bogo (Idres Elba) is the bullish police chief. The best use of character should go to the sloth Flash (Raymond S. Persi) who steals the movie with his lightning--slow checkout at the DMV. Probably the funnies scene of the movie, though previews have given it away. The animals are all size-appropriate which is important to have distinguished. Hopps is tiny compared to all her animal counterparts, yet she looks like a giant when she visits the mouse town. Each animal has a city section for their kind.  THE BAD: This is a hard movie to find negatives on. If I were to nitpick I'd say that it would be the highly predictable relationship outcome between Hopps and Wilde. I mean who doesn't see that coming? The plot has a lot of mystery to it. The search for Mr. Otterton is an elaborate scramble filled with twists and turns, the only reason why this could be a negative is that the smaller kids might not be able to keep up and follow, or be interested in following this clever cat and-mouse chase that Hopps and Wilde are on. OVERALL: There is no denying that Zootopia should be a hit. It has all the elements you'd want in an animated movie. Fun and colorful characters with big personalities and some depth. The visuals are uniquely exhilarating. It's a fantasy world I'd want to visit. I liked the fact that the filmmakers fine tuned all sorts of details like signs that say "Just Zoo It" or "Preyda" instead of Prada. That's a clever touch to a film that enhances the reality of their world, yet provides us with a chuckle. This is the kinda film where the adults might appreciate the nuances and enjoy the movie just as much if not more than the kids. That continues the trend of recent years of having animated movies appealing to adults and kids. Zootopia is funny and timely, you can't go wrong with animals, it's a formula that works, but Disney takes it to another level. As an avid rabbit (I have a pet rabbit named BUNNY) and animal lover, this was an easy sell from the start, but ended up impressing me twice as much. Rating: PG Runtime: 1hr 48min  Release Date: Friday March 4, 2016.  For more movie news follow me on Twitter @JimRko Read the full article

[arsnovacadenza]

im screaming this is the same person from longingkisses btw and ur new mosaac fic lives in my brain the motif with red is so genius i genuinely love yandere isaac and wolf who just. couldnt stop. are there.... any more thoughts on them.... 👁

I revisited this fanfic sometime ago and decided to talk abt it now in case I forgot! Ahem. 

Please note that my headcanons only apply to my yandere AU and that particular AU only. You can adopt some if you’re planning to make yandere!Isaac yourself

Imagine Isaac being his usual tsundere self, being shy yet kinda standoffish at the same time. He meets Wolf, who’s also not into people despite being more sociable. There wasn’t really any chemistry between them at first

But as time goes on, Wolf came to fall in love with Isaac despite the warning signs.

Wolf finds it cute that’s Isaac tripping all over himself just to impress him. Before he even realizes it, he’s doting on Isaac. He likes to take Isaac to movies and fancy restaurants and such. Isaac’s invited him to stargaze more than once.

Isaac once made Wolf a bento but he’s a lethal chef so ofc it came out badly. Wolf consoled him by saying he can’t cook either

Wolf insists on keeping their relationship a secret, which probably helps drive Isaac into yandere mode

Isaac secretly hates the attention Wolf gets from his admirers. Instead of getting visibly jealous in a cutesy, otome male lead-ish way, he’s just silent and endures the whole thing. 

His resentment only grows and extends to Wolf’s other relationships. Including his friendship with Jean.

He wants to take down Jean, but doubts himself because the dude is an athlete. He doesn’t really care that he’s hurting Napoleon’s prospective boyfriend. In this AU he doesn’t really care about anyone but Wolf

The only person Isaac doesn’t particularly mind is Leonardo, who helped Isaac when he first moved to their high school.

Isaac bought that red lip tint just for Wolf. He also keeps bottles of nail polish to use on Wolf.

After being confined, Wolf worries day and night about his exams and preparations for uni. Only time will tell if he ever gets out of that apartment alive.

Also, some stuff abt the fanfic’s plot itself (TW Character death and Isaac murdering people)

I originally intended to include a segment in which Arthur comes barging into Isaac’s apartment.

He says he’s there because he misses Isaac, his fellow Brit kouhai (underclassman) but is actually there to snoop around because he’s been investigating Mo’s disappearance.

But then Isaac finds out, whacks him with a golf club or baseball bat, and D-words him.

Just when he thinks he’s done getting rid of the body (idk maybe he chops off the remains and stuff them in a box or something inside his closet), Jean and Napoleon suddenly come in and now Isaac has to rethink his tactics because he can’t take down two athletes with a golf club or a knife

Why he thinks immediately think about offing them instead of telling them to go away from behind the door and visit him another time, idk. Isaac probably got high on the thrill of murder

I decided not to include them because action scenes take a lot of work (my schedule’s pretty tight back then)  and my British-English is wack.

I included the Japanese honorifics on purpose because I wanted to capture that shoujo/j-horror aesthetics down pat. Isaac’s ramblings towards the end was also designed that way because yanderes in manga often say stuff that don’t make sense 

You guys got any Isaac x Mozart headcanons yourselves? Please share them with me cuz they’re my favorite (aside from Jeanpoleon and Nobukichou)

[alternislatronemhq]

Congrats, BEE, you have been accepted to AL for the role of DOLORES UMBRIDGE (FC:Olivia Taylor Dudley). OH MY GOODNESS, BEE! Your portrayal of Dolores was just stunning. I found myself laughing in places and gasping in others. You’ve really gotten into the head of a character that is just awful and played that out in a way that’s captivating. I can’t wait to see what chaos she brings to the dash! Please send in your blog (no sideblogs for first characters, please) in the next 24 hours and be sure to take a look at our new player checklist. Welcome home (once again), we’re so excited to have you join the family!

OOC

name — Bee age — 29 pronouns — She/her timezone — MST activity level — I have quite a bit of free time at the moment! I can usually manage being on for at least a little while every day and I’ll average a handful of replies a week at a minimum. any questions? —No questions per se, just a small disclaimer to let anyone reading know that I am a tolerant and open-minded individual, so while I’m excited for the creative challenge and entertainment of potentially writing an absolutely loathsome person like Ms. Dolores Jane Umbridge, anything offensive that she says or thinks or does IC does not reflect my own personal views!

IC Overview

name — Dolores Jane Umbridge—but my friends call me Lo, at least they would if I had any FRIENDS. -hold for laughter- Yeah, eat your fucking hearts out all you moronic lowlife swine. Hem hem. faceclaim — Olivia Taylor Dudley, Jenna Coleman, Mae Whitman age — 32 gender — Cis-female, and uncomfortably cutesy girly-girl for a woman over thirty. Hyperfemme caricature with BDE. Never met a shade of pink she didn’t just love.

sexuality — Outwardly, all Dolores cares about is locating the picture-perfect partner for the type of life she wants to be seen as having and lock them down, and in her mind that person is a man. She wants a husband with money and looks and brains and power, but not so much of any one that it would outshine her; she craves to be in the power seat of a power couple, and to get the attention she feels she’s always been unjustly robbed of. She’s got no interest whatsoever in romance and finds the whole concept a laughable waste of time. But for all she projects to the world, Dolores in reality harbors a deep, deep, DEEPDEEPDEEP same-sex attraction. She has thoroughly locked herself in that closet and a Norwegian Ridgeback swallowed the key.

patronus —Persian cat. This animal has all the appearance of being sweet and cuddly, but rub her the wrong way and those barely-retracted claws are coming out in an instant. Vain, independent, calculating, haughty, and very, very well-groomed at all times.

boggart —Stemming from her Napoleon Complex, Dolores’ boggart takes the form of herself shrunken down like Alice in Wonderland after sipping the drink me potion; her voice squeaks higher and higher into an undetectable range no matter how loud she yells and she can just barely avoid getting squashed beneath someone else’s disgusting, dirty shoes. Dolores as a person demands attention to function and she simply will not tolerate being made to feel literally small.

IC In Depth

personality traits —

tidy - Dolores is obsessed with beauty and perfection and symmetry in all things and nothing makes her skin crawl more than disorder—to the extent that after her mother and father split and she lived full-time with her father, Dolores developed OCD (though it hasn’t been properly diagnosed as such, and Dolores would immediately write off anyone who attempted to call it that to her face). In her mind she is simply particular; she has very high standards and she expects the world to rise to them, or else she’ll root out the filth around her weed by weed. She cut off the heads of her stuffies who stepped out of line at her toddler-age tea parties you’d better believe she’d do the same to you and care less about it.

passive aggressive - Dolores is well-known for her disconcerting calm in face of disagreements, her calculated cute-sweet demeanor and high-pitched voice. But make no mistake; Dolores is sugar laced with arsenic. In all likelihood she hates your guts and has already cooked up an in-depth five-year plan to chip away at you piece by painstaking piece. It’s a mystery how she manages to keep all that highly-pressurized rage simmering beneath the surface the way she’s somehow perfected, because she’s wound up so tight that it’s a wonder her eyes don’t pop out of her damn head and she’s about twenty-five seconds away from a full-blown psychotic break on a good day.

jealous - Dolores wants what she feels she’s due, plain and simple. When she sees others gain the things she wants while she gets overlooked, it stokes that ever-burning vindictive flame inside of her. It started in early childhood when her father gave attention to anyone or anything that wasn’t her, and it’s only gotten worse every day since.

intolerant - At this point in her life, her infamous intolerance is still in its earliest seed stages, but the seed is planted. One of the most interesting things for me about writing a character like Dolores at this age is to see how and why this mentality grows out of experiences she encounters in these formative years.

character biography —

Born ten pounds of spunk in a four pound, five ounce package, Dolores Jane Umbridge came into this world pink and perfect.

Perfect. Perfect. Perfectperfectperfect.

Even from a young age it was all Dolores cared about. Her father Orford Umbridge would whisper to Dolores what a beautiful perfect princess she was and Dolores believed it with every fibre of her being. Beautiful. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect.

Then her mother Ellen gave birth to a younger brother who showed not the faintest trace of magic, and that was not perfect. The rift between parents and siblings grew into a cavern as Orford’s whispering words turned against Ellen; her fault. Worthless. Vile. Mudblood. Filthy Squib. Repulsive. Disgraceful. Wrong.

It wasn’t long before the couple split up, with Ellen and her son being banished to the Muggle world, and then it was just Orford and Dolores, together in their once-more perfect world.

And would that it could have stayed that way forever. Orford had always had wandering eyes and Dolores, desperate always to be the only girl in her father’s life, grew jealous and suspicious and hateful (and nonononono NOT anything else nope) for the beautiful vapid creatures that drew his gaze, threatening to upend what was hers.

Knowing nothing beyond her childhood of constant praise and adoration, Dolores went to Hogwarts expecting the world to cater to her every whim. So when people didn’t immediately kiss the ground she walked on, it made her angry. When all the girls and boys didn’t fall all over themselves to try and woo her, it made her furious. When the professors and adults didn’t sing her vast praises on high, it made her outraged.

How was everyone on earth too fucking useless to see how perfect she was?!

Dolores was a bundle of dynamite wrapped up in a pretty pink bow, just waiting to blow.

She went to the Ministry with adjusted expectations on being outright offered what she knew she deserved, and was proven right when she was overlooked by grotesquely unqualified superiors in favor of the sniveling ingrates all around her. But Dolores was prepared to play the long game and bide her time, just waiting for that one weak crack in the system where she could dig in her knuckle and crumble an empire with a smile on her face.

And she thought she’d found that perfect crack when she went to the Dark Lord. Surely he would see Dolores for all she was worth, surely he would bestow upon her all that power, finally, finally, finally. He was only a silly man, after all.

But the foul, imperfect world let Dolores down again. The Dark Lord gave his preference to some other detestable twots just like Dolores always feared Orford would, and then he paid the price for his idiocy when he fell from power (serves him right the arrogant swine), and Dolores returned to her long game at the Ministry with a newfound fervor to crush all who dared try to overlook her beneath her pink kitten heels.

Waiting for the next perfect move to present itself. And when it does, she’ll be ready.

plot ideas —

Girlsgirlsgirls. I would love an opportunity to unpack some of Dolores’ deeply rooted internalized homophobia. Maybe it’s an openly gay and proud woman who drives Dolores up the wall, maybe it’s a beautiful lady who despite all of Dolores’ efforts starts to get beneath her skin, someone she can’t seem to shake… This could go in so many directions and I’m here for them all!

Ministry Spats. Anyone she might have dustups with on her Ministry stomping grounds—Arthur Weasley, Alastor Moody, etc. Also anyone with pro-creature leanings and/or sentiments at this stage could greatly inform her later mindset and I would love to have them interact.

extra —

Headcanon: Dolores hates children; she thinks they’re disgusting tiny wastes of breath and absolutely looks down on anyone who has chosen the family plan for their life.

[obsidianshadow]

@curiousartemis tagged me in all of the questions to this oc tag meme, so might as well put it in a document that’s easier to edit than an ask lol

What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.)?

I’ll start with the Kelus that you know today, because he’s undergone a lot of changes over the years. I originally made him for an rp that never took off, and he was supposed to be this Edgy Straight Guy Protagonist #4234823934. He’s average height for a guy, and he was very heavily inspired by Napoleon, as he was a military leader. idk, this was a very strange rp with wolves who lived during the Holy Roman Empire????

Did you design them with any other characters/OCs from their universe in mind?

Yes and no. I had a pretty solid idea about what he looked like, and I made him into a Nord, at first. But then my brother called me basic, and I wanted to try out the Dunmer (thinking they had disease resistance but I had mistaken them for Argonians during my first playthrough lmao), so Kel’s a Dunmer. The only design concept that translates over from my old rp days is that his werewolf form has reddish-brown fur. How did you choose their name?

I looked up Roman names on this one site, and I haven’t been able to find it again since. It haunts me, in a way, because I don’t remember the meaning of his name. :/

In developing their backstory, what elements of the world they live in played the most influential parts?

(chants) Dwemer ruins Dwemer ruins Dwemer ruins. His father adored exploring them, Kel became interested in them later on in life after his father disappeared into them, and his design eventually incorporates Dwemer technology...

Is there any significance behind their hair color?

I really like a dark reddish brown hair color. It always reminds me of my guitar. Very warm and soft.

Is there any significance behind their eye color?

He’s a Dunmer. They have red eyes. His werewolf/original form in my story has golden eyes though.

Is there any significance behind their height?

Yes, actually! He’s not someone you would pick out of a crowd for being the Protagonist(tm) because he’s not tall. Also, men are expected to be tall, and that’s not necessarily true in real life.

What (if anything) do you relate to within their character/story?

I relate to the fact that he’s quiet until he’s comfortable with someone.

Are they based off of you, in some way?

Yes, he was always based off me, at least partially. In his Skyrim story, he’s a withdrawn, quiet mer who had to learn how to adapt to being put in the spotlight. That’s how I always felt when I was navigating school and social situations in general. Kelus and I both have anxiety, but not in the cutesy way.

If they have an LI, how much of their character is tailored to be compatible to that person?

Kelus and Faendal aren’t much alike at all. Kelus looks like a scary guy, but he’s actually quite soft and introverted. Faendal’s an extrovert, he’s very charming, but he’s also very insecure. Sometimes Kel needs space, and Faendal needs people.

Did you know what the OC’s sexuality would be at the time of their creation?

I made this guy bi from the beginning because if he ended up with a guy in the rp, it wouldn’t be a surprise. I’m not bi myself, but over the course of Kel’s creation, we’ve both realized we aren’t straight lmao

What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)?

It’s mostly that I’m laaazy. I don’t draw him often enough. However, I am constantly amazed by people who can do edits/screenshots/playlists. I’m not musically inclined and photography is not my forte.

How far past the canon events that take place in their world have you extended their story, if at all?

Ha, well. This version of Kelus, in Skyrim, will get a happy ending, but he has to work for it. The one in my original story...I’m not sure yet.

If you had to narrow it down to 2 things that you MUST keep in mind while working with your OC, what would those things be?

His father is a source of angst for him. He loves him, but he also realizes as an adult that he wasn’t the greatest man. Kelus is very stoic and most people would write him off as a scary bodyguard type of character, but he’s very insightful.

What is something about your OC can make you laugh?

Kelus’ nickname is Kel. “Kel” is the name for the Elder Scroll in Dovahzul. I named him years before ever playing Skyrim so imagine my surprise when Paarthurnax mentioned the Kel.

What is something about your OC  can make you cry?

He left his best friend Rismer behind because his father took all of their stuff and fled in the middle of the night.

Is there some element you regret adding to your OC or their story?

I originally wrote his Skyrim story, intending for it to be a one-shot. I need to go back and make edits and add more depth to his relationships with others, not necessarily just Faendal.

What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC?

He’s the sweetest dad. He didn’t think he would ever live long enough to adopt/have his own kids, but he adores his daughter.

What is your favorite fact about your OC?

...not really a Favorite fact of mine, but he was initially supposed to look like Sam Winchester...and he’s a Gemini, get well soon

[thebestofthebestofthebestof]

How different of a person would i be of id been born amab? I was a child of the early 2000s i had a problematic phase...i have an older brother who even back then would call me out for making not nice jokes...would i have ever joined tumblr and become obsessed with justice or lack thereof in society? What would i look like? Would i still be petite? Would that be a point of contention for me giving me a napoleon complex and making me the kind of person who lifts weights at the gym? Or maybe id still be a skinny armed artist? Would i be too shy to ask out girls or would i be the kind of guy whos dated lots of people? Would i have more happiness and confidence in pursuing romance if id been born with the genitals i wish i had? Id probably still be gender fluid, id probably still have spent time in my moms closet trying on her high heeled shoes and playing dressup but the vibe would be different, more an air of secrecy about such memories i suspect....it was the early 2000s if i was amab and mom caught me in her closet playing dressup how would she react? Shed probably say something like "youre a boy you cant do such things." Growing up when mom was teaching me to cook and clean she would say "youre a girl you have to know how to tend a household." .....would i struggle more internally with my gender and sexuality? I say and talk about a lot of things that ppl consider out of line and get away with it cause im afab and ppl are less scared of women, i made rape jokes, necrophilia jokes, murder jokes, everything under the sun and ppl didnt bat an eye but if id been born amab i dont think i could make such jokes without ppl reacting negatively so maybe id keep those thoughts to myself BUT getting to talk about those things openly and not silently perseverating on them is what helped me to cope with having agressive and angry feelings....would i be a worse person of id been born amab? At least i know my older brother would be there to give me advice hes always kept me grounded in reality....

i always wonder how much would be the same and how much would be different...would i still love dolls? Probably yeah but the vibe would be different again itd probably be something i keep a secret or maybe id be open and be known as a creep just like i am now...would i still be bi and genderfluid? Probably yeah but again the vibe would be different....would i still know how to cook? Yes probably but i wouldve learned on my own time instead of being forced into the kitchen age 10 by a mom who comes from a culture of toxic masculinity where women look after their husbands (my older brother can barely cook) my younger brother has an interest in cooking but again she doesnt force him to cook like she did for me. Would i still only draw cute girls and flowers? Would i still be vain? Would i still love cutesy things? Its kinda fun to think about alternative realities

[jackassrabbit]

This is Tess Williams, the Dragon World fighter from the antagonist team The Warlords in my fic, Karras Academy. Her buddy is Dragon Knight Napoleon, and a prominent support card in her deck is Dragon Knight Lincoln - yes, this is the OC who started out as a joke character based on the Bill & Ted movies.

A cute French girl speaking with an obviously fake valley girl accent, using outdated slang (”like, totally rad!”), talking non-stop about whatever the topic at hand is and bouncing between various weird hobbies apparently on a weekly basis. She’s like an older sister to Emily and is close friends with Cassie, but her own teammates are too serious for her liking.

Before the other Warlords fight it’s very easy to assume she’s the weak link in the team, but the one fight she gets in the fic shows that she has incredible Buddyfighting talent - her wild personality makes her deck unbelievably versatile, pulling answers to every situation out of her gauge or dropzone. It’s been noted that her deck feels like it belongs to a protagonist, rather than a comparatively minor character. She’s the only one of the Warlords who is always seen fighting side-by-side with her monsters, by the nature of Napoleon’s effect - she rolls up her cutesy sleeves to put on the armoured gauntlet Steel Fist Dragoknuckle.

As usual this art is by Garagewolf, and this one was actually livestreamed. Bits of her outfit changed from the original description but I really like this look for her.

[easterwings]

11 Questions

RULES

Always post the rules

Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you

Write 11 questions of your own

Tag 11 people (or however many you want)

I was tagged by @jiksax! Thank you, love!  

Who are three writers/artists who’ve been most influential on your style/taste? @magicalrocketships because you don’t write Tomlinshaw and not get influenced by all that brilliance, Charles Dickens because I’ve spent a lot of time listening to recordings of his books and I’ve picked up and started using a lot of his sentence structures (the dialogue tag “returned” in my writing is lifted directly from him), and The Airborne Toxic Event because I love what they do with music and words and if you look at any of my fic playlists, they’re guaranteed to be on there.   

What’s the fanwork you’re proudest of and why?  One Blink and Then My Heart  Hands down.  Because second chance stories are my favorite thing in the entire world probably, but in this one I just wanted two people who found each other again and no one was the villain and they were just in a better place to get together again.  And there’s gentle teasing but they’re so fond of each other and they look after each other and it’s not finished but the nearest thing I’ve ever read to it, to that sort of chemistry, is that wonderful Big Bang fic by @bigbrotherlouis  (And I’ve probably read One Blink and Then My Heart three times but shhhhh.)

Tell me a secret.  I told someone very recently that things were okay, but that was a lie.

What sort of music would you put on a sex playlist?  “How It Starts” by The Features, maybe also “Slow Hands.”  I like something with a good rhythm.  

What’s your favorite lyric?  We grow old all at once // And it comes like a punch // In the gut, in the back, in the face from “All At Once” by TATE.  I don’t think there’s a truer lyric.

What’s on your bucket list?  I don’t have a bucket list, but before I kick it I’d like to know that my kids are going to be okay when I’m not around. 

What’s the most irritating thing to you about fandom?  The idea that we’re entitled to more of his private life than what our fave shares with us. My fave is Louis, and I know way more about his private life than I know about Mikel Jollett or Anna Bulbrook’s (both from TATE) and he’s so much younger than they are and it pisses me off sometimes.  Some things he’s shared but a lot of things he hasn’t, and it bothers me that people won’t let him keep some of those things for himself. 

What’s your biggest fear?  That I’m not good enough.  That for some people I will do to talk to until the person they’re much more interested in comes around and starts talking to them.  That I’m a placeholder.     

What’s a book or fic you wish you’d written?  Japan Fic.  I have so many ideas but they seem to prefer to live in my head.

Fuck, marry, kill, go on a cruise with: Ryan Gosling, Harry Styles, Amanda Seyfried, James Corden.  Kill Ryan Gosling (I only know that you were in The Notebook and I’m sure you’re lovely but also sorry my dude), Fuck Amanda Seyfried (because heck yeah, she’s gorgeous), Go On a Cruise Ship With Harry Styles (So I can yell “Fuck off Nigel” or the equivalent with him) and Marry James Corden (because he is the loveliest, most delightful human and he’d make me laugh and still hold my hand when we’re both old and disgusting).

 What’s a band you wish you’d been in? I wish I knew how to play the violin so I could have been in The Airborne Toxic Event.

I thought of questions this time!  I’m going to tag: @ihadalittletroubleintintingclass @thingsicant-even @81199breakfast @allwaswell16 @im-here-sammy @napoleon-ln-rags @stylingmrstyles  @carswinky @robotcorsair @dictacontrion @citycrushed @lirryonce and in case you guys want to go again, @dearmrsawyer @writsgrimmyblog and @alligatornyc  But none of you have to do it and if you’re reading this and want to, please consider yourself tagged.  

What does your favorite pair of shoes look like?

What was the last thing you read? Book, fic, doesn’t matter. Did you like it? Do you think I should read it?

What kind of names do you like for a pet? Do you like people names or the more cutesy ones?

Do you fall asleep easily when you go to bed?

Do you have a favorite sandwich? If so, what is it?

Do you like your singing voice?

What is your opinion on Marmite?

Why did you choose your current tumblr icon?

What is your preferred social media platform and why?

If you’ve sent someone an anon message and they take forever to get back to you but when they do come back it’s with a very long, detailed answer, how upset are you likely to be?

Share a happy memory (please).

[doriefogarty-blog]

Jedi Knight Names For Females And Males

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[samanthasroberts]

‘It’s flavourful as hell’: welcome to Hawaii’s annual Spam festival

In Britain its a joke. In Hawaii its a delicacy. Why does the luncheon meat have such a cult following?

Not even the drizzle can deter the crowds unspooling along Hawaiis Waikiki Beach. As late April showers fall upon Kalakaua Avenue, the roads are lined three-deep with sunburned tourists, surfer bros and silver-haired pensioners. Their colourful T-shirts, flower garlands and fancy dress costumes are soaked by rain, but eagerly they wait. Suddenly, a chorus of tiny ukuleles starts to play. The procession begins. Are they waiting to pay homage to a visiting dignitary or religious leader? No. Theyre here to celebrate Hawaiis favourite food: the immortal luncheon meat called Spam.

I join snaking queues for seemingly endless food stalls, each dish more absurd than the last: Spam pizza, Spam fried rice, Spam crackers, Spam pho, deep-fried mac and cheese bites (with Spam) and, of course, Spam fritters. I spot some Spam-infused macadamia nuts, and a slab of grilled Spam atop sticky rice, doused in soy and bound with seaweed: Spam sushi. Theres even Spam dipped in chocolate.

Serious Spam fans are focused on buying up rare flavours such as Spam Mezclita, Spam Tocino and Spam Portuguese Sausage. Others snap selfies beneath a giant arch of Spam cans, or gawp at a catamaran festooned with Spam tins. Kids try their luck at the Spam wheel of fortune, hoping to take home a branded T-shirt or headphones. I stumble into a king-sized Spam can made of foam, with human arms and legs sticking out. Inside is Honolulu Foodbank employee John Valdez. What would Hawaii be without Spam? he shouts through the costume. It would be boring!

Welcome to Spam Jam, the largest gathering of tinned pork enthusiasts on Earth. Today, I am one of 20,000 fans at the 15th annual event. The residents of Americas 50th state eat more Spam per capita than anywhere on earth, with Hawaiian steak found on five-star restaurant menus and at McDonalds. Last year, 8m cans were sold here and thats just the regular-sized ones, not counting Spam Singles, Spam Spread or smaller tins. But its not just Hawaii that adores Spam: in time for Spams 80th birthday on 5 July, global can sales topped 8bn.

Cans of Spam on display at the Spam Jam. Photograph: Marco Garcia for the Guardian

In Britain, Spam is derided as fish bait, furniture varnish or gun grease; there have long been rumours that it contains pigs lips, snouts, trotters and tail. In fact, it lists just a half-dozen ingredients: pork with ham (Two cuts of the pig. One perfectly tender and juicy flavour), water, salt, sugar, potato starch and sodium nitrite. Spams makers are keen to point out that theres no hidden scrapings or useless bits of pork, and that its all from the shoulder or rear. In fact, at 90% pork, Spam rivals some luxury sausages. Yet in the UK its reputation is up there with Turkey Twizzlers, while its high salt and fat content make it the kind of processed food we now avoid for our health. If Spam is known in Britain as a culinary punchline, why is it so popular across the Atlantic?

In Austin, Minnesota, population 24,716, all roads lead to Spam. Spamtown USA, as it is sometimes known, is a cutesy, model version of a city, all straight lines and artificial lakes. It was here in 1891 that George A Hormel founded a family meatpacking firm that would one day become a Fortune 500 mainstay, employing one in six of Austins inhabitants. Hormels got his feet sticking out the window again, schoolchildren used to say, when the porky odour floated out factory doors.

Georges son, Jay Hormel, was a born opportunist: as a child, hed pay two cents for housewives unwanted sink grease, then hawk it to his fathers soap-making divisionfor twice the price. In 1929, he succeeded George as president and soon came up with a way to make use of rarely butchered pork shoulder meat. He adapted a Napoleonic food preservation technique, adding salt and sodium nitrite to keep it pink and ward off botulism, and at the same time making it indefinitely edible. By 1942, Hormel Foods was selling $120m- worth of Spam a year.

Anne and Mark I Love Spam Benson are in town to marry at the local Spam museum. Photograph: Marco Garcia for the Guardian

Hormel-owned structures still dominate Austins skyline. Theres the stinky plant, rolling office blocks and the Hormel Institute, a biomedical research centre. The apex of the citys microscopic tourist industry is a newly revamped Spam museum, an Ikea-coloured time capsule of social, military and pop culture history. With Spam print beanbags, touch-sensitive screens and a jungle gym, the museum is aimed at the meat lovers of tomorrow, but when I visit it is also packed with elderly locals and Mormon missionaries. Inside, a bespectacled tour guide finds everything Spamazing, including a production line of cans that whizz overhead like Scalextric.

It is the meat that won the war, my guide cheerily informs me. During the second world war, allied soldiers consumed 68,000 tonnes of Spam, but Jay Hormel was devastated by the hate mail he received. The language people use! he told the New Yorker in 1945. If they think Spam is terrible, they ought to have eaten the bully beef we had in the last war. Hormel died in 1954, before President Eisenhower sent a letter with a personal pardon. I ate my share of Spam Ill even confess to a few unkind remarks about it, he wrote, on the firms 75th anniversary in business. But as former commander-in-chief, I believe I can still officially forgive you your only sin: sending us so much of it.

Spam couture. Photograph: Marco Garcia for the Guardian

Today, the Spam museum is hosting its first wedding. Tying the knot are an eccentric British couple, Anne Mousley, 33, and Mark Benson, 42. A smiley care worker from Liverpool, Benson recently changed his middle name by deed poll to I Love Spam.His grandfather worked in Liverpools Spam factory after the war. No prizes for guessing the wedding buffet. Its like nothing else, says Benson of his favourite food, which he eats at least twice a week. Bit of a bacon flavour, bit of a porky flavour. Its totally unique. Spam aficionados of such calibre are rare, although I do learn of one Nebraskan man who in 2007 survived a 30-day Spam-only eating challenge.

Meanwhile, in South Korea, second only to America for Spam consumption, profits are booming. During the lunar new year, Spam is given as a gift, and budae jjigae, a Spam-infused army stew from the second world war, remains popular.

I learn that island territories such as Guam and Micronesia see Spam as a life-saver. During extreme weather, Spams limitless shelf life makes it a Pacific Islanders best friend. Later, I speak to a wild-haired Spam celebrity in rural Alaska, known as Mr Whitekeys. For 26 years, he ran a Spam-themed bar, complete with frequent Spammer cards buy 10 meals, get one free. If you want meat, you gotta have Spam, he says via Skype. Why? You cant get fresh supplies in large amounts, and half the time you dont have refrigeration.

Back in sunny Hawaii, breakfast beers are noisily slammed on a plastic folding table. Three miles from Waikiki Beach, I am mingling with professional chefs at the esteemed Kakaako farmers market, surrounded by organic produce and artisanal pasta. Keen to know what islanders really think of Spam, I talk to chef Mark Gooch Noguchi, 43, who runs the Pili Group, a culinary movement based around healthy, sustainable food. The opposite, one would assume, of Spam.

Spam-based dishes on display at Spam Jam 2017. Photograph: Marco Garcia for the Guardian

But I love, love, love Spam, Noguchi tells me, unprompted, between swigs of beer, dressed in shorts, flip-flops and a loud flowery shirt. We grew up on it, he explains, passing me a pan-fresh beef taco. I remember when I was cooking in New York, other chefs would joke with me, like, Ha, you guys eat Spam, he says. But our parents had gone through the second world war. The big joke among local people is that if you visit your grandparents and look downstairs, theres six cases of toilet paper, four cases of paper towels and three cases of Spam. In Hawaii, Spam is the cement that bonds its many cultures from Japanese, Filipino and Hawaiian native, through to mainland United States. Noguchi proudly boasts that locals can tell Spam from its canned-pork competitors Tulip and Treet. Elsewhere, Spam is slowly being appropriated by hipster culture, just like scotch eggs and avocado before it. Its both an indulgence of nostalgia and two fingers up to eating clean. In Londons Soho, Jinjuu restaurant makes a Spamarita cocktail, mixing Spam-infused Ocho tequila with mezcal, pineapple, citrus, mandarin orange and agave nectar. And Saint Marc, an upscale restaurant in Huntington Beach, California, has a hidden Spam speakeasy known as the Blind Pig.

Flipping Spam burgers. Photograph: Marco Garcia for the Guardian

Its revered, man, says Nina Pullella, 36, a chef I meet at Kakaako market. I think its the challenge of taking a can off the shelf this strange food from the second world war and doing something spectacular. Pullella is a vegan, from New Jersey via Italy, yet she still oozes praise for Spam as an ingredient (Its flavourful as hell, right?). After three hours at the market, I find just one person down on Spam. And she wont talk on record. Are you kidding? Ill have the whole island on my back, she whispers.

Night falls on Waikiki Beach. As the raindrops evaporate, a female rock band loudly tests the suspension of a flatbed stage. There is a snaking queue for OnoPops, an ice-cream company that flogs a Spam-based popsicle. Its a heartstrings thing, explains owner Josh Lanthier-Welch, 46, a stout man with a goatee. Though a Spam devotee, he warns of the dangers of excess: The Spam musubi [sushi] is a symbol of whats wrong with the local diet. It is so beloved, but living on Spam, white rice and nori will kill you.

As the festival comes to a close, I decide to break my 20-plus years of Spam abstinence (I havent touched the stuff since childhood). Im handed a skewer of cold cubed Spam and crunchy vegetables. I sink my teeth into the soft meat, and am transported back to my youth. The salty, pork-ish flavour wafts up my nostrils. I feel dirty and a little bit sick. Next I try a hot Spam katsu sandwich, from Hula Grill. I take a small bite. Then a larger one. It has a deep, smoky bacon flavour, offset by rich katsu sauce. It is, Im almost embarrassed to say, tremendous. Spam tempura fries, Spam corn dogs and Spam dim sum soon follow.

As I chew, I wonder if Spam deserves its reputation. Perhaps Brits just lack the imagination to cook Spam right. Or maybe, like KitKats in Japan or David Hasselhoffs mega-stardom in Germany, Spam should simply remain a pop culture anomaly the American Marmite that one either loves or hates.

Spam-flavoured macadamia nuts. Photograph: Marco Garcia for the Guardian

Spam fritters

Serves three.

340g Spam (ie, 1 can) 150g plain flour 225ml cold water 3 tbsp olive oil Buttered roll (optional) Cut the Spam lengthways into six thick slices. Put the flour in a mixing bowl and slowly introduce the water, whisking, until you have a smooth batter.

Heat the oil in a large frying pan. Dip each slice of Spam in the batter mix, shake to drain off any excess and lay in the hot pan. When its golden and crisp on one side, flip and repeat until its brown and crisp on both sides.

Serve in a buttered roll, if desired, with chips and peas on the side.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/08/its-flavourful-as-hell-welcome-to-hawaiis-annual-spam-festival/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/10/08/its-flavourful-as-hell-welcome-to-hawaiis-annual-spam-festival/