#Not to mention... 400+ hours in and I'm still not done with the game

[theageofsims]

I'm gonna be completely honest. And it's something I've literally started to type a few times and then I deleted it because in the back of my mind I'm like you gonna finish what you damn well started 😂 , but the reality is -- I honestly don't know the purpose behind recording my gameplay.

It was one thing when I jumped in game to hang with William and Gloria, and it was entirely another thing when I went to check in with Chadwick and Layla (from the same save), but it's like my brain won't allow me to not think of a story.

I spent hours building (building far more than I have in awhile), just to set up my Fugitive save and I'm still 400 screencapa deep because I'm literally taking them all when I'm in the game, but not recording...😂

It's like my mind is telling me to write a story, not just settle for gameplay. Maybe if I had started off the gameplay as a legacy then maybe things would feel different, but I went in knowing I didn't want anything to happen to Jack until I said so meaning aging would be turned off and legacy can't happen without aging (at least in my world).

But I don't know. It's like I find myself building and building and building to only gameplay like bits and pieces and then I'm supposed to move on like no I want him to suffer for 90 chapters, wtf?! 😂

I don't know.

Never in my life did I have a YouTube channel for The Sims or any game. And when I started this, I was only comfortable doing speed builds until I got tired of those. Showing my Lots ended up being something I liked better, but about four months ago I told a friend that I was thinking of doing a gameplay sort of thing and she told me I should give it a try. Me doing speed builds was suggested by another friend. Guess what? Ya girl doesn't really like any of this for too long. 😂 I took their advice and I figured why not give it a try? But I don't know.

It's not even me talking in my videos that makes me nervous anymore like it used to a couple of years ago, but it's like the desire to write stories and show images along with it is stronger than anything else.

This isn't an insult to Sims 4 gameplay either. Of course it suffered a great deal in the beginning years, hence why storytelling appealed to me for the first time in all my years playing Sims -- but I do enjoy the gameplay we have for Sims 4 after its start once packs and mods started to become available and very much so when I started my Powhatan Legacy. But he'll even my legacy that was started and intended to be task based and gameplay ended up being this insane story 😂 it's like why can't I just not do this? I don't know.

Anyway, I wouldn't be surprised if I just reverted the entire Fugitive gameplay to a literal tagged written story on my blog. 😂 As if it never existed in video form because Jack isn't supposed to be happy after losing his wife and the game is like he's happy because he ate a grape. No he fucking isn't -- he's in agony!

Somewhere deep in my mind I know Jack's gonna become part of my Age of Sims save. He's a sim (under all that hair) that I made for the gallery awhile ago and recently I was like I need to get this man somewhere in some save, but where? He ended up in his own, but since episode 2 I was like this dude coming with me and we going to Age of Sims. Pack your shit, Jack, we going! 😂

Anyway -- truth be told through all the exploration I've done with Sims in the past couple of years, I hate it everywhere except for Tumblr. And Tumblr is the only platform where stories can get told, you know what I mean? Every other place it just feels rushed to me and I dunno.

The older I get the more a creature of habit I become, but honestly? I've been pretty set in my ways for years now. Gotta be that deeply rooted old soul in me. Not to mention being an introvert in many ways.

[the-minster]

Congratulations on 400 followers LETS GO :D!!! ¡Congrats! ¡Congrats! ¡Congrats!

Sending you the warmest vibes, Lot's of love and good wishes.

For the ask game:

🦚 - what's your favourite artwork? (done by you, get some self promo) and what part of the art process do you like the most?

Thank you c:

aww, thank you so much! I already mentioned my favorite jason fanart in another ask, so I'm linking my favorite non-jason fanart here, it is older and a product of my bnha phase, but I still like it a lot because I figured out a lot about lighting and using layers while creating this one!

For anyone who is curious, I don't delete old artworks, even though some of them embarrass me a little, because I think it's valuable to new artists to be able to go back and see the beginnings of someone else. If you scroll way down my art tag #nature creates you can check out my old stuff. Some of them I still think are neat, others make me want to fake my death and run away, but oh well!

My favorite part of drawing is either hair, because hair is organic and gives you creative freedom to just swoop and swing, or in the middle of the process when you can see the previous hours of sketches and lighting and different singular items come together to create the whole painting. That part usually makes me stop and stare because it's sometimes hard to comprehend how I created that.

[the-firebird69]

There's a huge pile of the morning around is imposters saying that they're these people and they're pissing them off so much so be here in a moment so f****** p**** gives me the hairy eyeball it's kind of like well why don't you go screw pal is it weakling I said they're doing a stupid s*** and they can't take one of their kids in a fight and won't f*** off.

I'm a huge day planned for them here you have tons of people coming out for going after them I'm going to take them down and make sure they feel the pain make sure they suffer make sure that they lose their stuff and he's trying to send code out he says it's just a butt f****** senile a****** you got a lot of them around here one of them around here scumbags no lives has been it's amazing how many there are the gigantic number of them but we have a lot going on today is a football game and you won't return what's going up and his will fight each other and others will fight them it's an ultimate sign of weakness they say and they're going to take each other out. Tomorrow he gets vaporized and they go hog wild and there's a lot more going on Tomorrowland the movie starts today and that's why it's walking by with this cocky attitude and it's almost over for them here just nasty town he knew it was nasty when he moved here I've ever done people have found miles from faces ass faces the old and decrepit didn't say unless than them they don't do anything but try and reach you have parasites and that's all they do

And the huge fleet is going to attack and probably 1 hour or less the sitting out ships now to recognize her and finding still only 40 million ships they're sending spies here and they're flying in rapidly down huge numbers of planes and jets giant numbers because looking for each other and it works and we're working on the banks they're fighting each other on the banks extremely hard at each branch it's like one octillion people fighting and there's trillions if not probably about 10 octillion Banks they're going to be done soon from this headquarters an hour buying it. And I said mentioned something interesting I said Tommy f might be taking care of but his clones know about him and that's who's probably doing it so it looks like a sign of weakness they did on purposes have a deception they still have 400 operational very vlb they have 1,000 operational MB they have 2,000 operational SB which is very significant because where they are and what's underground huge amounts of hardware it's enough to take over Earth three or four times and if the Jets get out and actually spread we're in a lot of trouble if the light cycle systems get out and spread when a lot of trouble if the Yeager get out and spread wearing a lot of trouble if all of it gets out all at the same time we're in a lot of trouble the spaceships come in we're in a lot of trouble we're mobilizing now all of our spaceships every single class in the solar system so the foreigners it is a massive Force and the more like a mobilizing and Max are and it is a tremendous fight versus these phones tremendous

Thor Freya

[tamiddyinyourcity]

1:24pm.

I HAVE ANGINAAAAAAA.

Thursday, March 5th of 2020.

My favorite feeling in the world is when all of my plans fail at once, and then promptly being struck with intense chest pains and breathimg problems for no reason.

My date cancelled. I had a bad feeling last night when they spontaneously stopped texting super early into the evening..... (i know that 9:30am is some people's lights out time... then again, this is the same man who could stay up till 1am with me.)

And I woke up at like, 8:30am this morning, surprisingly. Checked my phone. No spontaneous "hey, sorry to say this but...." text notification.

"Nice, maybe I was worried for nothing", I said.

Just for me to wake up three hours later, and see the "Hey - I’m in South Bay today so won’t happen today. Hope your day going well!", text that I hoped wouldn't happen.

At first, I was relieved. Saved me the time to shave, exfoliate, and beautify. Plus, more time to keep sleeping.

But then, juuuust disappointed. And spontaneous chest pains, as well.

Since then the classic "hes doing what several other people have done and my body is reacting the same way it did during previous painful incidents" shit happened.

Previous incidents include:

That time Ramon spontaneously cancelled a date at the very start of the morning, claiming it was a cousin's birthday he forgot about. (Lie.) Said we should just be friends. Then it turned out that he was screwing a minor behind my back, and chose that over a second date with me, after toooons of being hype for a date.... Yikes. Painful. Extra painful, since I also recall the discord call where I heard him and his friends openly try to convince him to cheat on me with said girl......... Wow, dude.

That time Matty went from being head over heels at me and him officially becoming an exclusive serious relationship, just to go silent for 3 hours and seeing him send me a break up text, claiming his friend confessed feelings to him the SECOND he mentioned us being serious, aaaaaand decided he instantly loved her and had nothing more to like about me. Being discarded and tossed out, yaaaaaaaaaaaay.

That one date I had planned with a rich guy who wanted to play video games and take me out to a classy restaurant, just to cancel 30 MINUTES BEFORE THE DATE.... AND I WAS LITERALLY ON THE TRAIN ONE STOP AWAY FROM WHERE WE WERE MEETING. I recall that day! It lead to me considering leaping off the top of the train station and diving to my death in a parking lot. Since yeah, a special sort of embarrassment comes from a guy blocking your number and cancelling plans with you, when you're on your last eighteen dollars, and spent 8 just to reach a date location and get stared at by people, thinking youre a street walker, since youre glammed up and all alone standing against the wall of a damn building. (And not only did the guy not apologize, he proceeded to deflect all guilt by calling me a "prostitute", before blocking my number..... you were gonna pay me 400 dollars just to play steam games with you and eat a dinner, my dude, trust me, I'm still the least pathetic one in the situation. Even suicidal, still better than him either way.) Dude was so.... weird... yeah, i lost interest in them.

That one online relationship where things were great, then they suddenly ghosted me out of the blue. (But this isnt even relevant, its just amusing that some shit that happened when i was 12 still occurs maybe seven years later.....)

Cancelled dates just show a lack of seriousness. Plus, he didn't even apologize!

Frankly, not a huge fan of people that get my hopes up for nothing.

I apparently have another date this Thursday that I didn't even agree to. But, not much is holding me back from going. I've got nothing else to do, and a closet full of nice dresses to wear. Why not?

Plus, its 100 bucks. Thanks, WYP.

I'm just feeling weird.

And honestly disappointed in several aspects of my life.

For example, the weird Schrodingers Job situation, where no one knows if I'm fired or not, and I won't know, until I email the agency or call my boss I guess.

All because a misogynistic man came into work stoned, and decided to keep testing my fucking nerves.

And the impending doom of, "What will I be able to do next?"

Overall feeling miserable, honestly.

Let's see.... A job ending due to violence... a relationship ending due to violence.... whats the common denominator?

Stupid motherfuckers testing my nerves.

I literally used to have patience of steel. Pure steel. Absolutely impenetrable. Mainly since I had a defeatist, "I'm too tired to deal with this, I don't care we all will die either way" attitude before.

But once I realized, "Sometimes... its okay.... to curse people out... if they do things... that are meant to hurt you".... (learned from my mother and several bad relationships where being too nice just fucked me over.....)

Theeeen I care less.

Hell, I was nice to Patrick that night. He chose to be unreasonable. So shit happened. I still would apologize of course, even if the little Samuel L Jackson voice in my head keeps going, "He had that shit coming, he really did."

And I was patient and decent to that one guy at work. He sure the fuck had been rude off the bat. Fuck that. Maybe things would have gone better, if he.... didnt instigate!

Niggas will really openly call you slow/stupid/snobby/stuck up and make it as annoying as people for you when you just want to peacefully leave your job, and when given the opportunity to explain what you mightve done to unknowingly hurt them, they dive into insults and not explaining, nor letting you explain yourself.... get shocked when bad things happen.

God, i despise people. And humanity. A lot. Why even bother being nice to other people? It gets me way less far than being hostile ever has.

I should stop writing about this while I'm ahead, or I may mindfuck myself into insulting Azalea again.

1:57pm.

I just never wanted shit to get like this.

It can't be as simple as, "Tamia gets to date Patrick, spend nice late nights away from home in his arms, and knowing she's genuinely cared about".

Nah, he had to be so self centered.

And it couldn't be as easy as, "I go home and shower after a long day of work, then relax"....

It's gotta be me chucking keys at someones head, for being a massive cunt.

God.

:/

In other news, I've been watching comic dubs of Johnny The Homicidal Maniac.

I'm still hysterical every time I think of the scene where he goes, "REVEL IN THE SUPERIOTY OF YOUR OWN PERCEPTION!", and straight up slamming pedophile brains all over the walls.

I like dark humor. Plus usually I'll watch some shit and go, "HA, RELATABLE!", and go from hysterically cackling in amusement, tooooo slowly going, "Ah yeah, still not very healthy though", and jotting down whatever shit about myself the film or media made me realize.

From JTHM:

nihilistic

often paranoid that so many weird factors come to play for why i still exist unarrested and unkilled in life, despite all the shit ive done alive (existential crisises)

a weird vengeance kink

amusement from chaotic level situations

really wants black boots with buckles on them

finding goth people hypocritical

Nice.

I think chaos is nice, mainly since it takes out the monotony of life, truly. Usually after it, nothing is the same again. Like idk, the difference between a boring school life, versus the day its Pizza Day, or a student fights another kid and body slams him into a table, or some shit.

Mainly just desiring change and excitement.

Hell, I tend to cherish most moments with people heavily, or celebrate the moments where I did one small thing that changed the course of my life dramatically, since I otherwise don't have shit going on.

If I don't have much going on for 365 days a year, you better BELIEVE that I'm gonna be amped as hell when an actual noticeable change happens.

And then when it ends, I'll replay it in my head, if it keeps me going even when life gets so predictable and nonstop monotonous.

I think that's why I took the breakup so hard.

I really liked him, and the dual betrayal was whack as fuck. Especially since I was self aware that some of my anxiety towards him and that other girl were odd, and definitely just reflections of my past issues with cheating men/secretly in love girl best friends, and overall, I just had no ill intentions!

The easiest remedy for my own anxiety about that shit would have been as simple as meeting with her. Not even on some snake shit. (Why would I be a snake and ask to meet her? If anything, I would've been a snake, if I simply just cursed her out for existing. And I didn't, so.)

The reasoning for wanting to meet her? Simple.

I met all his other friends already, miles away, so it was always a little odd his hesitation to introduce me to Chris and Azalea. Especially if its a pretty substantial relationship length to have, and they were his closest buds..

It would be easy for her to not be threatened or paranoid of me in relation to her guy friend, if she knew who I was. She could've asked me anything, I'm an open book. Stupid bitch hesitated to meet me for even so much as just getting a sandwich and vibing, but suddenly got a whoooole lot of NERVE when it came to DEMANDING i dont come to that party huh? See, this is why I am more prone to beat bitches' asses. They do shit like this, and then walk around unscatched and cocky. Nah, she can eat horse shit and choke on it.

That last bulletpoint got really hostile, my bad. Theres truth to it, but still.

I wanted more girl friends. Especially her, since what's not interesting about someone who goes to some fancy art college? Her art wasn't Louvre worthy, but still, would have been nice having more friends of the same gender to just relate to and whatnot....

It would've 100% stopped my panic attacks, if I could see a person face to face, answer any questions they had, and overall being able to go, "Ah yeah, this is his vibe buddy. Most likely not someone who would casually slip and fall into a blowjob. Yeah, dope." (Some people are like that, I've had my moments. Shit happens.)

And instead of anyone else being rational and not a total pissbaby, Azalea threw a tantrum, Patrick decided to refuse to have any explanation for why she disliked me so much, even if it lead to something positive happening. (That's A HUGE FUCKING RED FLAG THAT CANNOT BE IGNORED.)

Aaaaaand then he got single, and she got cursed out.

It must hurt their brains, being that stupid. Even imagining being that much of a coward makes me have a migraine, i can't imagine how big these two pussies must be to do what they did.

Anyway, i got a date tonight. Some dude who clearly wants to do nothing but talk about himself wants to take me out for burgers and a movie. :)

2:41pm. Peace out loves.