#OC Hijinks

[morgana-ren]

wahrs the thing the pirates have done?

Uhh-- Good question. I'm going to assume the fill-in-the-blank there is 'worst', because that's on brand for me.

There's a lot of examples, so it's really hard to narrow down to one or two things with specifics, but these are the usual scenarios where their 'worst' comes into play:

Nighty has.. done a few. Even just on his own without encouragement. He's done some fairly deplorable shit.

Early Nightmare used his sister as a bargaining chip and offered her up to be taken concubine by not one but two men-- one of which was Reaver-- temporarily because it gained him power and bought time for him to amass an army and influence to take over the throne-- all while refusing to let anyone so much as even look at his own captive girlfriend (not that it stopped Reaver from looking and more anyways.)

(To his credit, he later very much regrets this. She was allowed to kill both men as penance, although he did end up resurrecting Reaver and just banishing him and Astarion from palace grounds forever while still remaining best friends with both.)

Non-King Nightmare... Most of what he does is awful. He's huge into mental torture and manipulation and gaslighting. If you can think of it, he's done it. Rarely leaves anyone alive (legendary torturer for those really unlucky few), but has been known to take a shine to certain girls, which is arguably worse than just dying. Will kill anyone and anything they loved, burn their homes to the ground, sever all ties, starve, beat, chain, whip, violate, etc into utter obedience (ideally). Loves when they cry-- sends him into a feral frenzy. Will then begin a very delicate process to confuse the girl into loving him. Intentionally toys with them and gives them mental whiplash. The kiss-then-backhand method, basically. If it involves dominating, hurting, or confusing them, it turns him on. Most of his most horrible work takes place here before the love settles in on his part. He will then move on to the 'domesticity' phase of his obsession, where he wants to be pampered, doted on, and basically have his own little housewife... while still being an utter bastard sexually.

There have been multiple instances of this (one per AU, with a few variants.)

Has also been known to destroy entire cities in a temperamental magic-fueled tizzyfit when his wives leave him.

Reaver did his worst work on his own. Invited hundreds of wealthy people to a very private resort of his, got them psyched up to be in his presence, spent weeks slowly picking them off little by little, tricking them into thinking they were invited to a super exclusive part of said resort, and then... had every last person on the resort grounds slaughtered off by his guards on a whim because he was bored with the whole ordeal before kidnapping two peasants that tried to escape and forcing them into the role of his consorts.

If it's any consolation, they were very bad rich people and deserved to die.

(This was a 'No Nighty/No Astarion' AU where he'd gone a little batshit from mental isolation and was super unhinged and was based on a dream I had, to be fair. But he's pretty fucking nasty in general even on a good day.)

He has also been known to take advantage of Nightmare's wives whenever Nighty isn't looking. Hence why he is supposed to be completely banned from the palace. Does not stop him. He has been killed a total of 3 times and counting for this. Resurrected each time after a slight hiatus. Nighty doesn't learn.

With all three of them, he very much enjoys eating people whole. Requires a special spell from Nighty to do so. Terrorizes Bloodstone taverns and alleyways with this nonsense. Has been known to take his girls into his 'special hidden dungeon' when the urge strikes him, dress them up in elaborate lingerie and costumes, and go into very specific roleplays-- all of which he just plays himself. Even the others roll their eyes at this (or at least pretend not to be into it at first.) Likes to drug his girls into semi (or total) unconsciousness. Enjoys sex at the breakfast/lunch/dinner table. Don't allow him near your food.

Really, Reaver is fucking awful. Just the worst of the worst. Again, if you can think of it, he's done it and will do it again.

Astarion, upon being freed from Cazador, went on a alcohol-and-blood fueled deflowering rampage at any and all weddings he could find along the coast, after which he would kill as many people as he could get his hands on and burn the entire wedding to the ground with Nighty's help. Why does he hate weddings so much? Anyone's guess. He just really does. Or really loves, them. One of the two.

Has also been known to play into Nightmare's game of 'Let's charm the sweet village girl into thinking we're handsome, valiant, honest men and then swoop in and be absolutely atrocious once we've got her alone' and does very well at it.

Loves being the big, bad vampire lord. Will abuse these powers at will. Prefers more of a brat than Nighty does so will usually try to anger or frustrate the girl into fighting back. Once they do, he basically uses it as a power challenge which he is guaranteed to win. Enjoys hitting, cutting, bleeding, bruising, choking and tormenting his girl. Also will drink them into a blood-loss state of strange euphoria (or just use his venom if he's impatient) because he thinks it's amusing.

He is, however, the absolute best at being underhanded to his brothers and will not hesitate to throw them under the bus to gain some affection from the girl. Literally gathers blackmail for this exact scenario and doles it out as he sees fit. Capable of toning down the sadism for a few days to seem like a Prince Charming just to do it.

He also needs to put the knife away. I'll leave it at that.

[morgana-ren]

Astarion carving his name very elaborately into her skin only for Nightmare to get agitated and heal it because ‘it’s tacky’

Lol the audacity of Nightmare. Tacky?? How rude.

Nighty doesn't like skin cutting/scarring/branding unless it's for pain purposes, which directly conflicts with Astarion's knife kink. He finds it to be tacky and not nearly as elegant as a collar, which is his immediate go-to for someone he likes.

Unfortunately, when the boys are sharing, they have to make some compromises.

Nighty is allowed his elaborate array of collars for someone he likes so long as it doesn't claim sole ownership. Astarion is allowed a little patch to carve his initials so long as it isn't too obvious or somewhere they want clean. Reaver, who likes tattoos, is also allowed a small, inconspicuous space.

Sounds reasonable, right? Wrong. They fight over it all the time. Astarion is constantly busted scrawling elaborate drawings into his girl (which is allowed for punishment but almost always healed up afterward much to his ire.) Nighty is caught putting 'Property of Nightmare' on the collars in languages he thinks the other boys can't read or under special enchantments. Reaver is constantly trying to tattoo his logo somewhere very visible and large but has thus far been thwarted.

It's the most ridiculous game of tug-o-war of all time.

[morgana-ren]

God the 😻 🦋 I get when reading what your ocs are into. Love it. Your kinks a line with mine almost perfectly!

Do you have one scenario/fantasy with them that you're into more than the others? Or at the top of your list right now

I'm super fond of all of them, but there are specific things about certain ones that I really love.

There's a modern AU I love because there's something absolutely hilarious about 3 guys who live in ye olde medieval times™ learning the ins and outs of modern technology and severely abusing it. Too many emojis and a tenuous grasp on modern slang. Using the internet to stalk love interests and having way too much fun with their phones-- especially the camera function. Annoying each other with late night texts, abusing the GPS system. Reaver getting involved in crypto and shady business deals and having a self indulgent instagram and a twitter rivalry with fellow real-life evil oligarch Elon Musk. Dodging cops with ease after the slew of murders cause magic and also... they don't technically exist. Astarion going batshit for everyone with vampire kinks and trying to get the hang of sexing. Nighty having to hide his true form because we're just not used to tall purple half-dragon tieflings running around with horns and tails although he cannot be persuaded to stop dressing like a pirate whore unless the circumstances are absolutely dire. All three of them using Pornhub but absolutely refusing to admit it except Reaver who will unabashedly watch at the dinner table with the volume up.

There's one that gives me a heart tickle where Nighty gets his happily ever after and actually has the children he wants so desperately with a wife that loves and adores him (and Astarion loves and adores her but isn't allowed to touch her and just has to pine from the sidelines forever although that rarely stops him from trying.)

There's a particularly mean one where Nighty decides he wants his brother's (a different, actual brother, not mentioned here) girlfriend and taks her for himself himself behind his brother's back but erases her memory so she doesn't remember and can't tattle but ends up slowly actually falling for her and ends up in a real jealousy-fueled pickle.

Nighty joins the PTA and becomes king shit of fuck mountain among all the moms and absolutely despised by the dads. He murders and eats all the abusive parents in his downtime and tries to cover it up (he has a serious soft spot for families and kids so if he catches wind of a parent hurting their child or something else that's sinister, those parents don't last long). Wears leather pants and an unbuttoned shirt constantly to said meetings and never misses one. Is literally in the history books the kids read from as history's biggest pirate villain and does not bother to hide it except from his wives and three adopted daughters who he does not want finding out about some of the stuff he's done (spoiler, they do.) Reaver is the reluctant actual uncle in this one and pretends he hates it but does genuinely love the kids even if he won't admit it but will not go as far as to proclaim to be their father unless something is happening he really doesn't like.

I also love when they pull stunts and blame it on each other. Like one will do something particularly heinous and go out of his way to blame it on one of his brothers ie Nighty shapeshifting to look like Reaver before he does some disgusting, horrible thing or one of them getting the others drunk to get some form of blackmail (happens a lot, they do a lot of horrible shit and do try to conceal it.)

They're absolutely dreadful when they work together but they're arguably so much funnier when they work against each other. Look, they love each other but they're all assholes and have no problem throwing each other under the bus. There is an ongoing joke when one of them fucks up that the other ones proclaim "Ha, you're out!" meaning they are out of the polycule for good. Never seems to stick though.

Anything that takes place on the pirate ships is always so good. Nightmare squawking like a high-strung Mormon pretending he isn't into something that he clearly is. Reaver dragging the others down to his level and trying to shoot anything that inconveniences him, including them. Astarion being forced into being the rational one (which he hates.) Nighty having to be physically stopped from adopting every wayward child he comes across (believe it or not, he's a great dad. Just a horrible love interest but he's pretty good at separating the two). Reaver ending up paying 8000 different child support payments to random families because Nightmare has eaten their horrible parents.

They have literally done every horrible thing under the sun between the three of them.

[morgana-ren]

nighty did nothing wrong he just wants to rebuild his family and also have at least four wives.

Nighty has never done anything wrong in his entire life and I will die on that hill. Sure, he's done some... deplorable shit. A lot of deplorable, unforgivable shit.

You just don't understand. It was necessary. Justified even.

I don't care how many people he has flayed living or gelded or how many towns he's burned down for amusement. I don't care if he is the literal devil. I do not care if he has spent a fat majority of his life being the waking nightmare of both Albion and Toril and even the underworld.

No, you don't understand. I love him. I love him. He's perfect.

I can't fix him-- and I don't want to-- and I can sure as fuck make him worse, and what else does a girl need, really?

[morgana-ren]

😭 please please share some of that dreadful, awful, horrible shit your pirate three are into. I'll even take it watered down if you're not comfortable sharing full details. I'm so thirsty for some good fucked up content!

I have spoken with the co-author and we are perfectly fine with sharing some of the nasty shit our boys get up to. We have finely tuned this lovely trio over a long time and have multiple AUs and are quite invested into these lads, but here's some of the notable stuff they got up to early on.

I'll put more about them down near the bottom if you’re interested in the other characters, but if you don't actually care about the dynamic and want to know the down-and-dirty of it, here's a small list of some of the things they've gotten up to throughout various lives and aus:

Kidnapping a girl and lighting her village on fire while she is forced to watch so she knows she has nowhere to return to even if she escapes; chaining poor said girl in the captain's cabin to be used by them at will; Intentionally allowing the girl to escape and then hunting her down and torturing anyone who helped her along the way and telling her it was her fault; feeding on the girl to the point of near-death only to have Nightmare heal the damage and start again.

Forcing a blowjob to the point of blackout only to continue on when she wakes up; Merciless flogging and whipping to break her will; going into a feral lust anytime she cries no matter the context (could be pain, could be sorrow, could be allergies, it really doesn’t matter); Astarion carving his name very elaborately into her skin only for Nightmare to get agitated and heal it because ‘it’s tacky’; 

Locking the girl in a fancy cage; getting excessively drunk together and forcing the girl to dress up as a maid/servant/princess/etc and service them; Forcing her to be party to her own violation; hitting the girl when she ‘mouths off’ or disobeys them; forcing the girl to lick cum off the floor; forcing the girl to polish boots with her tongue; choking the girl excessively as a sign of dominance and because it turns them on; double penetration; triple penetration;

Demanding horn pats from the girl; forced cuddling; taking extremely inappropriate and unwilling pictures of the girl in compromising positions; inappropriate use of a kitty bowl; extremely inappropriate use of a kitty bowl; cumplay; taking the girl to a nice dinner only to have it end in panic when Reaver shoots someone and Astarion gets drunk enough to start attacking people and Nightmare is trashed enough to almost start eating humans whole; laying on top of the girl like she’s a dragon’s hoard; using a tail to restrain the girl; fucking the girl while she is desperately trying to sleep;

Stalking and extreme gaslighting and manipulation; cumming in food and forcing her to eat it; forced facials; murder to prove a point; Almost destroying an entire city because the girl left them-- multiple times; literally licking tears off her cheeks with a hard-on; murdering a landlord because he was trying to rip the girl off; crimes against fashion (Nightmare and Reaver especially guilty here); getting matching tattoos with the girl; whiplash switching between “whore” and “slut” to “sweet girl” and “my love”; 

Forced triple marriage; inducing stockholm syndrome; essentially making the girl a housewife; having slapfights over whose day it is with the girl; arguing over which one the girl loves most; threats of pregnancy (followed through in one instance); happily ever after (ongoing); 

There’s literally over a dozen AUs. Most of those took place in one. 

Now if you wanna know about the boys themselves, check below.

If you’re curious about the boys themselves, here’s some quick info and some pictures from a Sims house I made with them in it because one is a pure OC and has no media and the other, we’ve warped him so badly I almost don’t consider him nonoriginal anymore:

You know Astarion already, except this time he's a vampire lord and being enabled by arguably the most horrible men on the planet. He's got a penchant for knifeplay and is a serious blood glutton. Second mate on his brother's pirate vessel, and has a very big thing for deflowering brides on their wedding night and carving his name into his playthings-- many of which don't last long, predictably. Imagine Astarion but if every horrible, nasty impulse and idea was actively encouraged and acted on.

He’s the most rational of the three, and if you’re going to try and reason with one, it should probably be him... though I still wouldn’t recommend it. Loves a brat, and considers himself a brat tamer. Gets hard as all hell when his object of affection fights and bites and screams. Is not opposed to using underhanded methods. Isn’t opposed to sleeping around when he’s not in a committed relationship but never thought he’d fall in love either. Second oldest of the three. 

And then, of course, his brother, Captain Nightmare Ironflanks. Bane worshipping half-dragon tiefling and the most deplorable motherfucker on this side of the Sword Coast. 153 and immortal thanks to his sacrifices to his God. Very powerful cleric and healer. Sadist extraordinaire and feral dacryphiliac. Very into pain and subjugation. Likes to use his cleric abilities during sex in the worst way ala lightning. Also has a serious breeding kink and goes absolutely wild over the thought of a sweet little housewife bearing him children and tending to his every need while he provides for her. Wants more than anything to have a family of his own-- and perhaps the throne of hell while he's at it, depending per AU. Goes bonkers over being called 'daddy' but does not like to admit that early on and pretends he finds it abhorrent while hiding his obvious erection. Loves to be complimented and thinks very highly of himself to the point he’s almost in love with himself. Condescending and pretentious. Fancies himself extremely clever. Loves to use magic to do horrible things, both to his partner and others. King of Hell already in half of the AUs, thanks to some help from Reaver. Daddy issues embodied.

Unlike his other brothers, he doesn't like to sleep around willy-nilly. He thinks he's 'better' than that. That means if he's sleeping with you, the best way out is probably death-- except he'll just resurrect you, so good luck. Him falling in love is usually against his own will, but when he falls, he falls obsessively hard, and trust me, it doesn't ease him up on the sadism at all. It just makes the breeding kink more threatening and now you’ve got a giant ring on your finger while he makes googoo eyes at you. Once he’s put a collar on you (he loves collars, that’s his thing) consider it game over. You belong to him now. Has been known to go into heats due to that pesky dragon half. Also has a seriously embarrassing religion kink. No one wearing a nun outfit or a rosarie or any sort of religious paraphernalia is safe. Is usually the first to propose marriage and is highly loyal to his partner-- but still a fuckin’ prick. Already has baby names picked out. Genuinely loves his partners and will occasionally have a very tender moment with them. Would kill or die for them without pause. Will still torture them sexually because it gets him off. Claims to be a feminist. 

And then you've got his other brother Reaver. Yes, that Reaver. Fable Reaver, except about 82 times worse than he is in canon. He lives a life of solitude and isolation (more mental, because he thinks he's better than everyone else and shoots anyone who gets too close) with his only real friends being these two, and he's known them longer than most people have been alive. He's arguably the most depraved and disgusting of the three, with his suggestions earning a well deserved side-eye or a "Come on, mate" from one of his brothers. Guess that's what happens when you're inconceivably rich with no one to stop you from acting on your worst impulses. He’s also almost 7 feet tall at this rate, given his hero blood. Has a serious size kink because of it. Loves dwarfing his sexual partners with his sheer size and strength. Very promiscuous, though most of his partners don’t live long afterwards. 

Extreme somnophiliac and particularly enjoys anal. Enjoys being called ‘Uncle Reaver’ much to his brother’s disgust (Nightmare has threatened on several occasions that he will not be allowed near his children if he doesn’t knock that off.) Cannibalistic. Enjoys blood drinking and will pester Nightmare into using a spell that allows him to swallow other humans whole. Will fight you that he is not cannibalistic because he doesn’t consider himself human. Really just wants to partake in eating humans like his brothers do. Does not hesitate to shoot anyone or anything that annoys him.

Is father to both Logan and the Princess but doesn’t know it because his brothers don’t have the heart to tell him that Sparrow didn’t want him as father to her children (gee, wonder why that might be.) Would break his heart considering he genuinely loved her. Has a sparrow tattooed on his back right shoulder in her honor. Is the most reluctant to fall in love, but when he does, he becomes utterly infatuated and almost mushy and will proudly proclaim how he is now monogamous-- and he means it. Highly loyal when he’s married. Won’t even look at another. Is still a bastard. Spends absurd amounts of money on his beloved because it’s how he shows love. Allows his brothers to lounge around his various estates and leech off of his fortunes when they don’t feel like pirating. Claims he dislikes kids but takes to them very well (and is secretly curious about having his own sometimes, though he will vehemently deny it.) 

Edging on over 350 years old at this point. 

[morgana-ren]

So what's the very specific scenario of Astarion sharing the love of his life? Don't need to go in to detail if you don't want to, just a little bit of info? I'm always in need of more Astarion fantasy fodder

Ah, yes.

So, this might not be the answer you're looking for, but you're more than welcome to take it and run with it if you'd like.

My friend and I have an elaborate world we've sort of set up and daydreamed together, and Astarion is one third of a dastardly group of charming bastards. Essentially, he was rescued from Cazador before the Mind Flayer incident ever happened, and the man who rescued him ensured he became a vampire lord before allowing him to mercilessly slaughtering his captor. The man in question is an OC, so no media really exists outside of us. They became thick as thieves and never leave each other's sides-- brothers, if you will.

They have another brother-- another character you may be familiar with, but perhaps not-- and they're all inseparable and love each other dearly despite also causing each other immense grief, quite like actual brothers. They live together in a different region, and pretty much raise Hell and commit horrible sins and atrocities and murders to bond.

It's entirely a fantasy world we've concocted, and the only real one I can see Astarion being willing to share, because they share everything-- even love. So if his brother's fall in love with the girl(s) he loves, he sort of has no choice.

Look, none of them are particularly excited about having to share, and they would only have them for themselves if they had the option, but none of them are willing to part because all of them are quite taken, and they love each other enough that they're willing to put aside their petty jealousy and possession issues.

It's all quite touching, really. Except they are complete and total bastard-cunts and the girl isn't exactly willing to be with any of them, but that doesn't really matter.

It's sort of a polyamorous marriage. All three of them share the same love, and literally have to schedule out dates and such.

I love it dearly.