#Oliver go to therapy i beg you please im on my knees go to therapy ily please

[im-getting-help]

AND THE THING ABOUT OLIVER AND BOUNDARIES!

Is so obvious to me that his parents were party at fault for his lack of boundaries. Not because they we're malicious and intentional about it, but because they loved him so much they tend to cross his limits.

(Kinda like what Oliver did with Felix, but less obsessive).

From my experience it's something relatively normal about the relationship between parents and their children. The first time we really understand boundaries is when we enforce them to separate ourselves from our parents expectations. It seems to me that Oliver never learned how to do that. He's constantly molding himself to appease and appeal, and when it becomes to much, he flees.

Let's go back to the little things Paula and Jeff share with us in that brief birthday scene.

"He always wanted to be an only child, always beetling off by himself"

"He was so clever, that's why he found it hard to make friends, they were jealous".

"It's been hard not seeing him. But it must be a lot of pressure being the top scholar and being in the rowing team, and the union, and the plays..."

Let's start with the lies.

How long ago Oliver started lying to his parents to make space for himself?

Cause the lies don't necessarily feel like something he used to impress them. It seems to me like the Quicks already thought Oliver was exceptionally smart "he was always so clever" and he's just keeping appearances.

But the amount of things he said he did. The plays, the rowing team, the union, the work of studying to maintain the "top scholar position" like reading, doing work and essays and projects, assisting to classes, lectures and tutorials, it's a lot!.

"It's been hard not seeing him". How many times Paula called just to be ignored or quickly dismissed? with an excuse like "sorry i have an essay due tomorrow" or "im going to practice for the play". And why Oliver wanted to separate himself so much from his family?

"He always wanted to be an only child, always beetling off by himself" why would Oliver wanted to separate himself not only from his parents but his siblings too?

The Quicks said that "We go to to Mykonos every year. Well, not anymore. Not now that the kids are all grown up". That makes me think that Oliver sisters are older than him. Oliver doesn't seem to have a close relationship with them either. Was it because of the age gap? How much older were her sisters? Maybe they had to babysit and that created a second-mother kind of dynamic?

It sounds like he was being smothered by them. And again, i'm not saying it was intentional, but maybe Oliver needed much more space that what the Quicks were able or willing to give. And he didn't know how to ask.

And maybe (only maybe cause i don't really have good foundation for this) Oliver learned that the best way to get space from them was saying he was occupied, specifically studying. So maybe it started at school, him saying that he had to finish homework or read a book or do project, and maybe these were the only times he'll be left alone. Maybe that was the perfect excuse to explain why he didn't have many friends too.

(and i wonder why a kid with no sense of boundaries would have a hard time making friends 👀)

And why Oliver keeps lying?

After moving to Oxford, he could've just draw back and create that space without making an excuse. But he didn't, because he cares, he likes that his family thinks he's intelligent and capable. But he doesn't care for spending time with them.

I don't think he said all those lies to look especially intresting or important, but he did choose to "be occupied" by being a good student. Not in a "i won an award for best performance" but a "I'm too busy to talk, i have tutorial"

And look at the way the Quicks react to Oliver saying he has to go, is very interesting.

Paula just gives up instantly. She offers a compromise, and when rejected she's obviously frustrated but she just lets it go. On the other hand Jeff tries to reason with his son a little "your mother spent all morning doing lunch" but they seem very accustomed to this situation. It's not the first time Oliver escapes a conversation.

So, to me, is obvious that Oliver's parents knowingly or unknowingly contributed to Oliver's lack of healthy boundaries.

He never really draw the line with them, he just made excuses to avoid and elude and ultimately flee when the situation got out of hand. And they never picked up on it, they kept repeating the same scenarios multiple times without having a conversation about it.

I feel like his parents never really confronted him about anything. Maybe because they didn't sense anything was wrong, maybe because, same as the Cattons, they didn't know how to approach the situation or maybe because they know Oliver gets really fcking upset whenever they tried to have a conversation about it, who knows.

So at the end we have a 20yo dude who never learned how to enforce a boundary or why is healthy to have them and has absolutely no idea how to perceive and not cross others limits.

[adultingrpg-blog]

ALI has been accepted as CLAUDE CHAMBERS. **This is just a sample application.

OUT OF CHARACTER.

NAME: Ali. AGE: 23. TELL US SOMETHING ABOUT YOU: I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. TIMEZONE: EST. ACTIVITY LEVEL: 6-7/10. I have really bad service and internet where I work but I can be on throughout the day, and then once I’m home from work. PRONOUNS: She/her. SHIPS: /chem. ANTI-SHIPS: /forced.

IN CHARACTER.

DESIRED CHARACTER: Claude Lee Chambers.  SONG: We Don’t Talk Anymore - Charlie Puth ft. Selena Gomez. NICKNAMES: Lo, CC, Chams. HOMETOWN: Laval, Quebec, Canada.  FAMILY DETAILS: Original character. FACECLAIM: Matthew Daddario. DATE OF BIRTH/AGE: December 27th, 1993 / 24. GENDER IDENTITY/PRONOUNS: Cis-male, he/him/his. SEXUAL/ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Bisexual demi-biromantic.  OCCUPATION/EDUCATION: Works at the University of Chicago in the English department, and helps out his friend with marketing/working at his new bakery. He also sells his artwork if he feels like it’s good enough, or if he needs money. APARTMENT CHOICE: Grand Court.

A LITTLE MORE.

Except for once when he was twelve, Claude has never spoken to his father. Oliver has made several attempts at connecting with him, but Claude refuses each time.

When he was nineteen, Claude legally changed his surname from Daniels to Chambers after his mother married Morgan.

Claude moved from Laval to Chicago to be with Asher, but the city became his new home. Asher understood that which is why he left instead of asking Claude to.

THREE NEGATIVE TRAITS: Meddlesome, obstinate, imprudent.

THREE POSITIVE TRAITS: Magnanimous, candid, stoical. 

NETWORKING.

@CHAMCHAMS: i swear im not actually 5??? i just like plugging my ears & saying “i can’t hear you” on the rare occasion????

@CHAMCHAMS: someone buy this for me [photo]

TEXT TO [SISTER]: will you pick me up

LAST 4 EMOJIS: 🤷 🔥 🙄 ✋

BACKSTORY.

** TRIGGER WARNINGS: TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, ABUSE. **

Claude Chambers was born into a family that ended almost as soon as it started. Born out of wedlock to a pair of seventeen year old Catholics, it’s safe to say that Claude wasn’t exactly planned. It was after a bit too much alcohol one night and a drunken decision that Eleanor James found herself pregnant. She took test after test, went to a clinic… and all came back with the same positive result. While her family wasn’t pleased, they were somewhat understanding. Claude’s father, Oliver, was happy as can be, though. He proposed that day, and they were married three weeks later. For almost a year, Oliver and Eleanor were happy. They went shopping for baby stuff, he tagged along to every single appointment and worked two jobs to help support Eleanor and the baby all on his own. But then Claude was born, and the shock that Oliver was in seemed to slowly dissipate. Issues started to pop up here and there. The shower in their run-down apartment leaked, they were dirt broke, there was mold in the carpet in the living room… And then there was the bigger things that couldn’t be overlooked and ended up being the tipping point. Oliver was sick working two jobs and swore up and down that Claude wasn’t his. Disagreements then led to fights and turned violent fast. After the first punch, Eleanor packed up her stuff and her son, and left Denver for Laval.

They settled there only a week later. Eleanor contacted her aunt and asked if she could stay there and watch Claude. It was about two years and ten jobs later that the two left and settled on their own, and only four years after that did Eleanor meet Morgan and fall in love. Morgan, of course, had no clue that Eleanor was in love with her for another three years, and it was then that they finally moved in together with all three children. Two of them Morgan’s and then Claude. They were a family and a better one at that. Everything seemed to fit into place then. Claude was nearing eleven at the time and he can still remember how amazing it felt to finally feel like he belonged somewhere. The house they lived in, the love between Morgan and Eleanor, his new siblings… it felt right.

So life was good. Claude had his family, was passing all of his classes and his friends were all pretty good to him. He had a strong support system that he knew would get him through it all. And then he met Asher, and everything seemed to change.

After his friends talked him into it for almost a week, Claude ended up at a house party. At just sixteen, he wasn’t expecting what he saw. He always assumed it was kegs, bubbles, glitter and pop music. What he found instead was shitty vodka, some beer, indie music and a bunch of people basically having sex in the same room. That’s where he met Asher. It started off as something heated. Claude was instantly attracted to Asher and Asher to him. They traded numbers and agreed to a no-strings hookup whenever and wherever. But after a year, they were sleeping with one another exclusively. It was then that they agreed to see if there was chemistry outside of the sex.

Things were fine at first, but then there were small disagreements, and those small things led to fights, which led to break-ups and Claude sleeping in his car. It wasn’t until months of the recurring behavior that Claude was going to leave Asher. He didn’t want to be in a relationship like his mother and father were in. He didn’t want the fighting or the secret hatred, and he didn’t want it to end the same way. But then after a particularly bad fight, Asher admitted to have been seeing another guy he met at a bar a few weeks ago, and that it was looking pretty serious despite not knowing him that long. That broke Claude’s heart.

Claude all but begged Asher to stay with him even after everything in him was saying the complete opposite just the night before. To Claude’s delight, Asher agreed. But everything changed. Their once somewhat dysfunctional relationship turned toxic. The love Claude once felt had changed into something more sad and desperate. He didn’t want to lose his boyfriend, especially not after fighting the way he did. There were too many nights spent on his knees crying–begging and pleading his boyfriend to stay with him; choose him. And the tears that were shed in the bathroom when Asher went to bed…falling freely every single night like clockwork. He couldn’t let go, even when all the mean things Asher ever said to him played like a constant loop through it all… He wasn’t good enough for anyone else. No one wanted him. He wasn’t that smart, anyway. No one would love Claude the way that Asher did. The words stuck without him ever realizing it. They formed doubts and regrets in his mind making it hard for Claude to leave.

They broke up once a month it seemed. Whenever they made it to an anniversary, Claude would realize that they had broken up one or two weeks earlier for a few days, only for him to go back apologizing for something he didn’t do. It wasn’t all on Asher, either. Claude would say things during arguments that had Asher running away with tears in his eyes. They were never on the same page to begin with, anyway. Claude had always wanted more whereas Asher made it clear from day one that he wasn’t in it for the long run.

It eventually ended when Claude was twenty-two. After going out with some coworkers on his birthday, Claude arrived to their shared apartment to find Asher’s stuff gone. He had packed all his stuff up during the day and vanished with just a note on the fridge: We aren’t good for one another. There were several things that should have been the tip-off for Claude before that point. It wasn’t the fighting because he knew fighting was unavoidable. No, it should have been the absence of talking it through. That’s when he realized he wasn’t fine. That his life wasn’t fine.

It never really hit Claude, not really. He knew he wasn’t fine, sure, but not to what extent. He went on with his life as if nothing ever really happened. The only obvious difference was the people in his life–having cut them down to those that either didn’t like Asher or didn’t know him. There’s always that voice in his head on replay that says “you should’ve been better”, but the alcohol seems to help make that go away. He’s seeing a therapist at his mother’s insistence because she spoke so highly of it throughout her own therapy, especially now that Claude has learned the news of Asher’s upcoming wedding. There was a lot of alcohol after he heard that. 

Despite it all, Claude’s got a decent life. He’s happy….or he’s getting there, at least. He’s trying to figure everything out in the meantime. Claude was under the impression before the break-up that he’d end up going into English or Business, and even has a degree to pursue it, but he no longer wants to go down that route. In the meantime, he’s working as basically a barista for his friend’s bakery, and helps him with all the marketing and business. He also sells some of his art when he needs to, and works at the University of Chicago in the English department. 

[adultingrpg-blog]

《 THE BASICS 》

CHARACTER NAME: Claude Lee Chambers. 

NICKNAMES: Lo, CC, Chams. 

AGE/DOB: 24 / December 27th, 1993.

FAMILY DETAILS: Original character.

HOMETOWN: Laval, Quebec, Canada. 

IDENTIFIES AS: Cis-male, he/him/his.

ORIENTATIONS: Bisexual demi-biromantic.

SHIPPING: /chem, /forced.

FACECLAIM: Matthew Daddario.

OUT OF CHARACTER: Ali, 23, EST, she/her. 

SONG CHOICE: We Don’t Talk Anymore - Charlie Puth ft. Selena Gomez.

APARTMENT: Grand Court / Apartment 20.

CURRENTLY: Works at the University of Chicago in the English department, and helps out his friend with marketing/working at his new bakery. He also sells his artwork if he feels like it’s good enough, or if he needs money. 

《 A LITTLE MORE 》

Except for once when he was twelve, Claude has never spoken to his father. Oliver has made several attempts at connecting with him, but Claude refuses each time. 

When he was nineteen, Claude legally changed his surname from Daniels to Chambers after his mother married Morgan. 

Claude moved from Laval to Chicago to be with Asher, but the city became his new home. Asher understood that which is why he left instead of asking Claude to. 

《 NETWORKING 》

@chamchams: i swear im not actually 5??? i just like plugging my ears & saying “i can’t hear you” on the rare occasion???? 

@chamchams: someone buy this for me [photo]

text to [sister]: will you pick me up

last 4 emojis: 🤷 🔥 🙄 ✋

《 PERSONALITY 》

POSITIVE TRAITS: Magnanimous, candid, stoical.

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Meddlesome, obstinate, imprudent.

《 A LITTLE DEEPER 》

** TRIGGER WARNINGS: TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, ABUSE. **

Claude Chambers was born into a family that ended almost as soon as it started. Born out of wedlock to a pair of seventeen year old Catholics, it’s safe to say that Claude wasn’t exactly planned. It was after a bit too much alcohol one night and a drunken decision that Eleanor James found herself pregnant. She took test after test, went to a clinic… and all came back with the same positive result. While her family wasn’t pleased, they were somewhat understanding. Claude’s father, Oliver, was happy as can be, though. He proposed that day, and they were married three weeks later. For almost a year, Oliver and Eleanor were happy. They went shopping for baby stuff, he tagged along to every single appointment and worked two jobs to help support Eleanor and the baby all on his own. But then Claude was born, and the shock that Oliver was in seemed to slowly dissipate. Issues started to pop up here and there. The shower in their run-down apartment leaked, they were dirt broke, there was mold in the carpet in the living room… And then there was the bigger things that couldn’t be overlooked and ended up being the tipping point. Oliver was sick working two jobs and swore up and down that Claude wasn’t his. Disagreements then led to fights and turned violent fast. After the first punch, Eleanor packed up her stuff and her son, and left Denver for Laval.

They settled there only a week later. Eleanor contacted her aunt and asked if she could stay there and watch Claude. It was about two years and ten jobs later that the two left and settled on their own, and only four years after that did Eleanor meet Morgan and fall in love. Morgan, of course, had no clue that Eleanor was in love with her for another three years, and it was then that they finally moved in together with all three children. Two of them Morgan’s and then Claude. They were a family and a better one at that. Everything seemed to fit into place then. Claude was nearing eleven at the time and he can still remember how amazing it felt to finally feel like he belonged somewhere. The house they lived in, the love between Morgan and Eleanor, his new siblings… it felt right.

So life was good. Claude had his family, was passing all of his classes and his friends were all pretty good to him. He had a strong support system that he knew would get him through it all. And then he met Asher, and everything seemed to change.

After his friends talked him into it for almost a week, Claude ended up at a house party. At just sixteen, he wasn’t expecting what he saw. He always assumed it was kegs, bubbles, glitter and pop music. What he found instead was shitty vodka, some beer, indie music and a bunch of people basically having sex in the same room. That’s where he met Asher. It started off as something heated. Claude was instantly attracted to Asher and Asher to him. They traded numbers and agreed to a no-strings hookup whenever and wherever. But after a year, they were sleeping with one another exclusively. It was then that they agreed to see if there was chemistry outside of the sex.

Things were fine at first, but then there were small disagreements, and those small things led to fights, which led to break-ups and Claude sleeping in his car. It wasn’t until months of the recurring behavior that Claude was going to leave Asher. He didn’t want to be in a relationship like his mother and father were in. He didn’t want the fighting or the secret hatred, and he didn’t want it to end the same way. But then after a particularly bad fight, Asher admitted to have been seeing another guy he met at a bar a few weeks ago, and that it was looking pretty serious despite not knowing him that long. That broke Claude’s heart.

Claude all but begged Asher to stay with him even after everything in him was saying the complete opposite just the night before. To Claude’s delight, Asher agreed. But everything changed. Their once somewhat dysfunctional relationship turned toxic. The love Claude once felt had changed into something more sad and desperate. He didn’t want to lose his boyfriend, especially not after fighting the way he did. There were too many nights spent on his knees crying–begging and pleading his boyfriend to stay with him; choose him. And the tears that were shed in the bathroom when Asher went to bed…falling freely every single night like clockwork. He couldn’t let go, even when all the mean things Asher ever said to him played like a constant loop through it all… He wasn’t good enough for anyone else. No one wanted him. He wasn’t that smart, anyway. No one would love Claude the way that Asher did. The words stuck without him ever realizing it. They formed doubts and regrets in his mind making it hard for Claude to leave.

They broke up once a month it seemed. Whenever they made it to an anniversary, Claude would realize that they had broken up one or two weeks earlier for a few days, only for him to go back apologizing for something he didn’t do. It wasn’t all on Asher, either. Claude would say things during arguments that had Asher running away with tears in his eyes. They were never on the same page to begin with, anyway. Claude had always wanted more whereas Asher made it clear from day one that he wasn’t in it for the long run.

It eventually ended when Claude was twenty-two. After going out with some coworkers on his birthday, Claude arrived to their shared apartment to find Asher’s stuff gone. He had packed all his stuff up during the day and vanished with just a note on the fridge: We aren’t good for one another. There were several things that should have been the tip-off for Claude before that point. It wasn’t the fighting because he knew fighting was unavoidable. No, it should have been the absence of talking it through. That’s when he realized he wasn’t fine. That his life wasn’t fine.

It never really hit Claude, not really. He knew he wasn’t fine, sure, but not to what extent. He went on with his life as if nothing ever really happened. The only obvious difference was the people in his life–having cut them down to those that either didn’t like Asher or didn’t know him. There’s always that voice in his head on replay that says “you should’ve been better”, but the alcohol seems to help make that go away. He’s seeing a therapist at his mother’s insistence because she spoke so highly of it throughout her own therapy, especially now that Claude has learned the news of Asher’s upcoming wedding. There was a lot of alcohol after he heard that. 

Despite it all, Claude’s got a decent life. He’s happy....or he’s getting there, at least. He’s trying to figure everything out in the meantime. Claude was under the impression before the break-up that he’d end up going into English or Business, and even has a degree to pursue it, but he no longer wants to go down that route. In the meantime, he’s working as basically a barista for his friend’s bakery, and helps him with all the marketing and business. He also sells some of his art when he needs to, and works at the University of Chicago in the English department.