#PLUS I HAVE A HUGE NURSING PROJECT DUE NEXT WEEK THAT IS EXPECTED TO TAKE 6 H O U R S

[reginaofdoctorwho]

i don't even know if i WANT to finish nursing at this point, like i fucking hate college rn and it's only an associates program but like. please i am so tired professors let me fucking sleep

[lonelypond]

Parent Trap, Chapter The First

NicoMaki, Love Live/Love Live Sunshine, 6k, 1/2

Summary: Dr. Nishikino Maki is a single mother, not in search of anything besides a few quiet moments. Yazawa Nico is a singer on the rise who did a favor for an old friend. Are they more connected than they realize?

Parent Trap, Chapter The First

Yazawa Nico was due at the airport at too early an hour. But Ayase Eli was too old a friend not to make time for. So when they were at lunch and Nico had cooed over the latest twin pictures, Eli had asked if Nico wanted children. Of course, Nico wanted children, but the life of the next JLO didn’t really leave any time for that. And then Eli had explained how she could bank some of Nico’s genetic material at her lab. And if Nico didn’t mind, it might help Eli with a project she’d been working on with a colleague.

It had taken about a month, with screening tests and two weeks on hormones before Nico could physically donate eggs. The retrieval procedure had taken less than a half an hour, and Nico had stopped into Eli’s office after hours a week later for an ultrasound and check up.

“Did you double check all your paperwork?” Eli asked as she put away the ultrasound equipment.

Nico pulled her sweatshirt down. She didn’t dress up for top secret doctor visits. She had sunglasses and a long coat for when she stepped out of Eli’s office. “Yeah, Nico read through it twice. So no one makes a baby with Nico without Nico’s permission right?”

“Right.” Eli’s reply was quick.

Nico had confidence in Eli, who had always been an honor student and someone with exact and precise ethical behavior. “Good.” Nico bounced up, “It’s nice to know Nico’s got a backup for the biological clock.”

Eli smiled, “Thanks for helping. The more chance I have to work with different cells, the more likely we are to eventually succeed.”

“Nico is a hero.”

“Nico is a good friend.”

“Eli!” Tojo Nozomi’s voice called from the hallway outside. “We’re going to be late to pick up Vik and Teddy.”

“I’ll be right there. I just have to finish up with Nico.”

“NICO!” The door slammed open and Nico was engulfed in a huge hug, “You haven’t been by in months. How are ya.”

“Nico can’t breathe. Eli, help.” Nico squeaked.

“Nozomi, put Nico down.”

Nozomi did, but then kept hold of Nico’s shoulder, her green eyes concerned, “Are you all right, is something wrong, is that why…”

Nico waved a hand, “Just a pre tour checkup. My regular doctor couldn’t fit me in. Eli did me a favor.”

“Eli is the best.”

“Yeah, Nico, anytime you need a quick checkup.” Eli’s voice wavered. Nozomi turned her attention to her wife, the terrible liar.

“Nico has to run.” Nico put her sunglasses on with a grand gesture, even though it was dark outside. Nico would always Nico. Nozomi was glad to see it.

“We’ll see you out, I’ll just leave the paperwork at the desk for my assistant to enter into the system tomorrow.” Eli held the door open.

They walked out, Eli dropping the folder in the inbox. Nozomi respected Eli’s commitment to having paper copies of everything. She’d been the most organized student council president ever and that had followed through to everything she did.

“Oh no.” Nozomi cried out.

Eli spun instantly, “Nontan?”

Nozomi flicked her own forehead, “I was so excited to see Nico-chi, I left my purse in the exam room. I’ll be right back. Just wait for me at the car.” She kissed Eli on the cheek.

“Okay.” Eli put an arm around Nico’s shoulders, “Sure I can’t convince you to have dinner with us and the twins. They miss you.”

“Next time Nico’s in town, I lost a packing day because Cocoa had a car crisis.”

“You really have to make time, Nico. We miss you.”

Their voices faded down the hall. Nozomi nodded and stepped to the desk, putting her purse out from behind her back to set next to the in tray. There was no name on the folder Eli had put down, just a number. Nozomi made a quick note of it as she opened to read. Nico and Eli were up to something and Nozomi had never been able to let that pass without “helping”. Seeing Nico’s first answer, a quick check….hmmm, Nozomi had a feeling that Nico’s status might change for the better with a different answer. And Eli always did the initial paperwork in pencil, that made some things easier.

Four Plus Years Later

Dr. Nishikino Maki was drowsy. Single parenting was exhausting. Even with a nanny and her parents’s help, the past year with Dia had been exhausting. Which is why her parents had shoved her out the door to go to the Ayase New Year’s Eve party. Which was loud, and bustling. Eli’s mom was babysitting the twins and Eli’s wife, Nozomi, was taking the opportunity to loudly announce as many details of every attendee’s life as she could.

“MAKI!” Nozomi swirled up, in a very pretty soft gray wrap dress, “It’s been too long.” Nozomi would have gone for a hug, but Maki had predicted her action and sidestepped. “How’s your little girl?”

“Sleeping, I hope.”

Nozomi tilted her head, green eyes staring at Maki with an odd look in them. She almost spoke, then shrugged, “Eli will be happy to see you. We have so many friends for you to meet. You haven’t even stopped by the office in 6 months. We got so used to seeing you when you were pregnant.”

Maki decided to change the conversation, “How are the twins?”

“Exhausting.” Nozomi’s laugh drew the attention of her wife, who hurried over.

“Did I miss a joke? Hi, Maki.” Eli slid her arm around Nozomi’s waist, “Nico’s going to sing in a minute.”

“Ooohh, you won’t want to miss this, Maki.”

“What?” Maki’s question was perfunctory. Nozomi’s suggestions were always problematic, one way or another, so Maki tended to armor up when Nozomi was in idea tossing mode.

“Nico Ni.” Eli was gleaming, “We had a band together in high school, then instead of college, she started touring and got signed by a major label right away. I’m surprised you haven’t heard of her.”

Maki shrugged, “I don’t listen to contemporary music much.”

“Contemporary.” Nozomi drawled, “Non robots call it pop or punk or rock or country or hip hop or whatever genre you favor.”

“Nozomi, let’s not harass our guest.”

“But Elichi, that’s why I throw parties.”

Eli had her arm through Nozomi’s and was steering her away, She smiled apologetically at Maki, and then the lights dimmed and the sound system kicked in.

“Hello, Chicago, my hometown, Nico Ni here to make your heart throb for this heartthrob.”

Maki glanced at the stage. A tiny woman, long dark hair, neon pink over black the dominant theme of her costume, complete with some kind of sparkly animal ears. She looked like her music was going to be loud. Maki headed for the balcony.

###

Maki had found a bartender who mixed an excellent virgin bloody mary and was nursing her second while waiting for clouds to clear so she could see more constellations. WInter nights were the best, cold and clear.

“You avoiding the crowds too?” Maki heard the question as the door slid open.

“More avoiding the music.”

“Not a Nico Ni fan?”

Maki shrugged, honestly it wouldn’t have made a difference who it was, “It just seemed like it was going to be loud and…”

“Headache?”

“One year old.”

“Oh,” a quick pleasant laugh. “I haven’t had time...or the partner for that. They’re cute at that age.”

Maki shrugged again. Dia was cute, probably above average cute, but that wasn’t really a surprise. Or something Maki could announce like her birthweight or how many words she knew. “No partner.”

“Oh.” A nervous laugh, “Sorry…”

‘No. It’s exactly what I wanted.” Maki knew that should have sounded more convincing. Dia was, as far as her reading and research could attest, an near ideal daughter. Maki’s parents had finally shut up about her producing an heir, Rin and Hanayo’s baby had a playmate, Eli’s research had made it possible to get pregnant without anything gross or sticky involved, and now Maki was back at work and even out socializing. So all good, right? Maki sighed,

“Cookie?” Maki turned. A small, bright, crimson eyed woman in a slouched hat and an oversized coat was leaning next to her, offering what looked like a homemade cookie. Eli and Nozomi had hired caterers.

“You smuggled in food?”

“Only way to be sure there’s always some around.” A smile that stunned Maki with its cheerful incandescence, “Ni...No poison, I swear.”

Maki took the cookie, and an intriguing mix of cinnamon and stranger flavors melted on her tongue. “That’s different. I like it.”

“Chinese five spice and shortbread.”

Maki nodded, chewing happily. Not exactly dip in a virgin bloody mary food, but maybe time for a coffee palate cleanser. Maki glanced at her watch, another hour til midnight. The other woman was still looking at her, expectant.

“Are you a pastry chef?” Maki asked, maybe she could buy another cake for Dia’s birthday. Her parents would want pictures.

The other woman shook her head. “No, cooking is what I do for fun. Yazawa Nico.”

Maki took the offered hand. The grip was strong and surprisingly warm, “Nishinikino Maki.”

“Oh, like the hospital.” A stunning grin, “Eli works there. I used to stop by a lot.”

“You’re a friend of Eli’s?”

“High school.” Another grin, “We were in a band together, It was the worst, and Eli hates all the videos we made, but I found out I loved performing.” Nico swept her hands up, “Nico Nico Ni.”

Nico Ni. That’s what Eli meant. The singer. Who’d asked if Maki...Maki flushed, tensing, “You should cook more.”

“Okay. So not a fan.” Nico continued to gleam, “But once you actually hear Nico’s voice you’ll…”

“Did you come out here to harass me for not listening to your show?”

Nico snorted, “No, Ms. Colder Than The Air, I didn’t think anybody would be out here. Nico came out here to get away from her fans.”

“That worked.” Maki grimaced.

There was silence. Nico turned her attention to the sky. Orion was shining brightly on the horizon.

“Great night for stargazing.” Nico said softly.

“Getting clearer.”

“Yeah.”

“Does the one year old have a name?”

“Dia.”

“Pretty.”

Another shrug. Not a topic Maki was going to pick up. “You can see almost a dozen stars in the Pleiades cluster tonight. That’s rare for this close to the city.”

“Pleiades?”

“Can you find Orion?”

“Yes.”

“It’s the blurry group up and to the right.” Maki pointed.

“Oh yeah, cool.”

More silence, then Nico asked another question.

“You an astronomer?”

“That’d be nice.” Maki glanced to see Nico watching her, “Doctor. Medical doctor. ER doctor.”

“Adrenaline junkie.”

Maki shook her head, “Not really. I just like puzzles.” She almost hesitated, “And people who don’t linger.”

Now the silence was awkward. True as Maki’s statement was for some reason she didn’t know, the other woman seemed much farther away. And then Nico pushed off the railing, “Thanks for the astronomy lesson, Doc. Happy New Year.”

Maki nodded, “Same to you.”

Nico waved and went back to the party, Maki left behind in the now too cold air, mood deflated by the unpredictable encounter.

###

Maki had snuck out. She didn’t really want to miss Dia’s first birthday and the whole thought of a roomful of people kissing at midnight just made her queasy and sad. And Nozomi would, of course, make a big fuss about kissing her too and Maki was honestly just not in the mood. So at 11:55, she was turning the key in the door of the family mansion, and at midnight, she was kissing the only girl in her life on the cheek.

“Happy New Year, Dia. Happy birthday. Let’s have a fun year.”

It was strange for Maki to spend so much time with someone who didn’t talk back much, although Dia was very vocal, making funny little noises and a few words. Maki had been surprised at how much she’d cried the first time Dia reached out her little arms and said “Mama.” She could still feel how much her body had swelled with a new joy.

Dia’s eyes opened. They were a brilliant green, like gems. Maki wondered if the egg donor had eyes that color.

“Hi, Dia. Your Mama came home early for your birthday. I had the best cookie at the party. I wanted to have the baker make you a cake, but your Mama’s not great at talking to pretty people.” Maki sighed, sitting in the recliner next to Dia’s crib, “I hope you’re better with people than I am.”

Maki remembered all the questions Eli had asked her about what she was looking for in a donor. Mostly Maki had wanted healthy, but to give her sole child a chance at a better school and social life than she had, Maki figured she should choose an extrovert who got along well with others. So Eli added that to the parameters, along with athletic and musical, because Maki wanted her daughter to love music like she did. And here we were, three years later, with Test Case #1, the top secret Ayase-Nishikino experiment in two female parents reproducing. One of the parents was just an anonymous donor. Maki had been nervous about the science, but with her best friend Koizumi Hanayo and Hoshizora Rin wanting a child of their own after an adoption that fell through, they all decided to take the risk together. Eli and Nozomi had happily adopted American-Japanese twins, now 6 years old, but they wanted to help women who wanted families and couldn’t or wouldn’t adopt.

Dia made a crying noise, so Maki kept telling her about the party. Rin would say silly things and make faces at Tora, but Maki didn’t see why you couldn’t have mostly normal conversations with small children. Eventually Dia would learn all the words. It wasn’t really something Maki thought much about. Dia was there, so Maki talked to her. And then she’d read Dia her bedtime story. Princess Princess Ever After was a Maki favorite. And Dia would giggle when Maki said “Fine, Prince Butthead here can rescue himself” so that was always fun.

“Yeah, I think your Mama said something wrong,” Maki tossed her hair back, she should have put on pajama pants rather than this form fitting sheath dress but she wanted to kiss Dia at midnight. “She wasn’t a baker. She was a singer. Maybe we can listen to her songs tomorrow when we’re driving to meet Rin and Hanayo and Tora for your birthday party.”

Dia made a pleased noise so Maki decided that was enough of a plan and now it was time for bedtime stories and then getting out of her dress.

###

Maki had brought Dia over for dinner with the Koizumi-Hoshizora. Which meant pizza and a movie most of the time. Well, Hanayo had rice and Rin had ramen and Maki had pizza. Maki wondered what Dia’s favorite food would be. Tora already was showing a preference for things rice, Maki’s chef made an infant friendly rice pudding whenever Tora visited. Although, Hanayo was still glaring at Maki for explaining to Rin the dangers of arsenic in rice. So that was fun.

“So do you know Yazawa Nico?” Maki asked Rin casually as Dia and Tora race crawled around the living room.

“Yeah, Kayo-chin’s a big fan. Why?”

Maki decided not to go into the full story, “Just heard a couple of her songs. Dia seems to like them.”

“We should have a karaoke night.” Rin announced, “Invite Eli and Nozomi and everyone.”

“That might be fun. I don’t have a lot of nights free though.”

“Brunch karaoke.” RIn stated.

“Brunch karaoke?”

“Wouldn’t that make a great band name?”

“Mama?” Dia was pulling herself up on a table.

“What is it, Dia?

Dia motioned feeding herself, “Lunch.”

“Okay, Dia. We’ll see if Hanayo’s ready.”

“C’mon, Tora.” Rin scooped up her daughter and led the quest for her wife.

###

Dia had stacked all her blocks neatly in their bucket and was looking at Maki expectantly.

Maki grinned, “Thank you, Dia. Mama’s proud of how you decided to clean on your own.”

Dia nodded, suddenly shy and Maki laughed and picked up her daughter into a hug, spinning them around the room. “We’re going to fly.”

“MAMA!!!” Dia screamed.

Maki kept spinning and fell back onto the couch, “And that’s how you dance.”

“Dance.” Diane murmured.

“Dance and prance and…”

“Dance.” Dia shouted, standing next to Maki on the couch, bouncing “Dance Dance Dance.”

Maki had a hand out, hovering near her daughter’s waist, ensuring that Dia didn’t pitch forward to the floor. The first time that had happened had terrified Maki more than anything else in her life, even though she’d caught Dia at the last minute.

“C’mon, bun, let’s get you dinner. Then Mama is going out.” Rin had at some point said Dia was as “cute as a bunny” and Maki had turned it into a nickname.

“Pudding!”

“No, Dia, you can’t have pudding for dinner. Pudding is dessert.”

“No, Mama.” Dia glared at Maki, then wrapped her arms around Maki’s neck, “We go now.”

“Okay,” Maki swept up her daughter, “We go now.”

###

A month later, Rin had actually managed to corral most of their friends into a karaoke night. Hanayo had stayed home with Tora to watch a livestream of the stars of an anime in concert. Rin was driving so Maki was going to allow herself a sip or two of sake. She wasn’t sure if she was going to sing, but Rin would probably drag her into at least one duet.

It was a nice place. Sleek, polished wood, black-lit, private rooms with neon, huge couches, lots of space, and attentive but not intrusive waitstaff. It had an Asian influenced menu that Maki appreciated. Sushi was such a good snack for sitting around and watching Rin get sillier and sillier. She and Nozomi were in a battle for who could sing the craziest duet. Sonoda Umi, dojo owner and stunt choreographer, had actually joined them to sing “Say My Name.” Eli had practically stood on one of the table cheering while Umi’s wife, fashion designer Minami Kotori had giggled through the song.

And then the door opened, and two tiny women came in, a tray of drinks between them.

“Nico bought a round and a friend. What are we singing?”

“NICO!” Eli, who was definitely tipsy at this point, jumped down to pick up Nico in a hug, “You came.”

“Nico was in town. And it’s been too long since we’ve sung together.”

“We’re next. Me and Nico! Clear the floor.” Eli announced.

“Give me a minute, Eli. Let me introduce my friend. Everybody, Kira Tsubasa; Kira Tsubasa, everybody!”

“Hey! Can you sing?” Rin asked.

Kira did a double take, while Maki heard Nico whisper too loudly, “See, I told you, they don’t know anything about pop music. We’re good.”

Maki knew Nico hadn’t meant her to hear that and wasn’t specifically talking about her, but she still felt embarrassed and stupid. And then Rin called out her name.

“Maki Maki Maki. You said you’d sing “Telephone” with me.”

Yes, Maki had. But now she didn’t exactly want to. But Rin had made them practice, in front of Tora and Dia and it had been fun. Maybe if Maki didn’t look at anyone.

Rin had her wrist and was pulling her to the stage.

###

Well that was over and Maki had a genuine grin on her face. She hadn’t had the feel of performing for an audience since her last piano recital, too many years ago, and even though it was only karaoke, Maki could feel the group leaning forward on their seats, caught up in the song, laughing, watching, tapping along to the beat. Maki had even felt emboldened enough to catch Nico’s eye and wink before turning to Rin and high fiving at the end.

She slid back into the couch and Nico sat next to her, an unopened bottled sparkling water in hand. “You worked up a sweat.’

“Thanks!” Maki twisted off the cap, enjoying the sharpness of the lime twist flavor.

“Perform often?”

“Not since undergrad.”

“In a band?”

“Concert pianist.”

Nico nodded, sipping on her fruity oversized drink, “So Beyoncé or Gaga?”

Maki tossed her hair out of her eyes, running her fingers through it, feeling the sweat dampening the tips, “Why choose.”

That pleasant, inviting laugh, “Good point. Nico approves.”

Umi’s best friend, Kosaka Honoka, award winning pastry chef and owner of Homura, had the mic and was doing a stunning lowkey version of Miley Cyrus’s “Malibu”. Then Tsubasa jumped up and whispered something to Honoka who said sure and the next thing Maki knew the intro to the Hannah Montana theme song played, which got everybody in the room singing along.

And then Nico put her drink down, “Nico’s turn” and strode confidently to the front of the room, in her oversized black and gray sweatshirt, hood down, and thigh high black, rhinestone studded boots.

“For any Beyoncé fans.” And Nico ripped off a “Crazy In Love”, complete with Jay-Z’s rap verses, dueting with herself, and lighting up the entire room like a Lunar New Year fireworks show finale over Hong Kong Harbor.

Tsubasa raised a toast when Nico finished, “So very Nico to do a love song with yourself.”

“Only the best for Nico.” Nico grabbed a bottled water.

“Is that Fenty Puma?” Kotori asked, reaching forward to stroke the fabric.

“Yeah, saw it on the runway, fell in love, had to have it.”

That’s why it seemed familiar, Maki thought. She had two pieces from that collection, a black jumpsuit and kimono inspired track jacket she’d worn to some NWSL games. She and Rin both had Red Star season tickets, her spare usually taken by Umi or Honoka. She’d be able to take Dia to her first game soon.

“This is so much fun, Maki!” Rin slid in next to Maki, her face glowing. “Kayo-chin’s missing out.”

“I think she’s probably pretty happy with her concert.” Maki countered.

“Yeah,” RIn frowned, “you don’t think she thinks they’re prettier than me.”

“No, Rin.”

“Hmmmm…” Rin murmured doubtfully, leaning back, head forward. Then her phone went off.

Eli and Nozomi were at the mic, much too close to kissing for Maki to pay attention to them.

Rin groaned, bumping Maki’s shoulder. “Tora won’t settle down. I have to go home. Kayo-chin says Tora needs me to tell her a bedtime story.”

And I bet Hanayo wants someone to cuddle, Maki thought to herself.

Rin had already put down her drink and money for a tip when she froze, “But I’m your ride, Maki, what will you do?”

“Don’t worry about it. I can always call a car.”

“Someone need a ride?” Nico slid in on Maki’s other side.

“Yeah, I have to go home but I’m Maki’s ride.”

“If Maki doesn’t mind, Nico can drop her off whenever she’s ready.”

“Haven’t you been drinking?” Maki remembered the fruity drink.

Nico shook her head, “Nah, alcohol’s not really the healthiest and Nico’s got some shows coming up.”

“Maki?”

Maki glanced at Nico, who smiled and shrugged. “Okay.”

“Thanks, Maki.” RIn gave Maki a quick hug, “Say good night to Dia for me.”

“Will do. See you this weekend.”

RIn waved as she ran out the door.

“This weekend?”

“Sunday brunch.”

“Good friends huh?”

“Yeah,” Maki agreed, “We went to high school together.”

“Like me and Eli.”

“I guess.”

“How’d she meet her wife?”

“They’ve been perfect for each other since elementary school.” Maki snorted, “Some days it was a little...daunting, but Rin’s so cheerful.” Maki shrugged, “And here we are, both with one year olds.”

Nico didn’t reply and Maki glanced over. Nico seemed thoughtful, drumming her fingers against her thigh. Then she noticed Maki’s attention and did a hand gesture, “Nico Nico Ni. Want to do a duet?”

“Actually, I want to hear you and Eli.”

Nozomi caught the Eli reference or had been eavesdropping. Maki was pretty sure it was the second. Nozomi liked to know EVERYTHING that went on, whether or not it had any relevance or connection to her.

“Ooohh, Eli-chi, Maki wants to hear you and Nico.”

“Harasho!” Eli was up on the table again, “Bibi rides again. What do we do for the pretty ladies, my friend?”

Nico grabbed the mic and Eli, asking “Shall we keep the Gaga going? “Do What U Want?”

Nozomi took a bunch of singles from her purse, Umi groaned, Honoka giggled.

###

Maki had needed air and a fresh drink after the very physical Nico and Eli duet. She rolled an ice cold bottle of sparkling water against her cheek while waiting for the bartender to come back with Honoka’s beer.

“There you are?” And Nico was next to her, shouting to be heard in the crowd, “No duet huh?”

“Getting a little tired.”

“What?”

“Tired.” Maki shouted back, feeling her mood crash.

“Oh. Nico will give you that ride home, then.”

Maki nodded, and followed Nico back to the room. Honoka had pulled Umi and Kotori into a song, Tsubasa providing percussive accompaniment, and Nozomi was in Eli’s lap. Nico tapped Tsubasa on the shoulder and whispered something in her ear, Tsubasa giving her a thumb’s up and Maki waved goodbye to the group singing.

And then Nico was holding doors open, they were waiting for a valet, who appeared and handed Nico the keys to a sleek, red Porsche Boxter.

“They matched the color to Nico’s favorite lipstick.” Nico announced as she held Maki’s door open.

Maki didn’t know what to say and nodded as she slid into the seat.

“Address?”

“It’s along Lake Shore Drive, north of Evanston.”

“Good. She needs a long ride.”

Maki rolled the window down, her face was feeling hot, and her fingers easily found a twistable strand of hair.

Nico started the car and pulled out into traffic, “So you haven’t shown me any pictures of Dia. Rin showed me about 1000 pictures of Tora. Trying to get away from parenting for a night?”

Maki shrugged, “Babies are babies.”

Nico glanced at Maki. “But yours is the cutest, right?”

“Of course,” Maki relaxed a little. Driving with Lake Michigan on one side and the Chicago skyline on the other always soothed her nerves.

“I know a nice park for a picnic if you liked to bring Dia. Nico could make more of those cookies you had at the New Year’s party.”

“It’s a little cold for a picnic.”

Nico turned on the radio, “Do you mind?”

Maki shook her head.

“Have a favorite station?”

“I love listening to jazz and watching the city lights, especially in the rain.”

“Nico’s got jazz. Rain’ll have to wait for another night.” And Nico started fumbling with the radio dial. Maki reached out, her fingers covering Nico’s for a moment, and she tuned it to her favorite station.

“This is the best.”

“Nico will program it.”

Maki went back to staring out the window, at the darkness of the Lake as they sped up Lake Shore Drive.

“Maki?”

“Hmmmmm…”

“Do you not date?”

Suddenly Maki’s every nerve jangled and only the seatbelt kept her from catapulting forward, “I date...well, not right now, but I’ve dated...just women, but...and Dia’s not...but…” and Maki stalled, out of ideas and things to stumble over saying and mouth opening and closing and gasping for air and hands clenched and why did Rin have to go home early…

“Maki.” Nico’s voice was calm. “I’ve just been trying to ask you out and you don’t seem interested. So I will stop.”

There was silence. And then Maki said ‘Oh.”

“Nozomi told me you were going to be there tonight...and...you seemed really interesting...and Nico just wanted to hang out, maybe talk some. You’re very pretty.”

“Ummm…”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything.”

There was more silence and Nico humming along with the jazz.

“Dia likes cookies.” Maki started softly, her voice gaining confidence.”I told her about yours. She’s got this adorable coat that looks like a duck. A picnic might be fun, It’s not supposed to be too cold tomorrow.”

Nico handed Maki her phone, one hand still on the wheel, “Add yourself to Nico’s contacts and a whole bunch of gourmet, sure to be your daughter’s favorite cookies ever are coming into your life very soon.”

Maki laughed, “We’ll look forward to it.”

Nico sat up as she accelerated, still humming, Maki admiring the sharpness of her profile, Nico’s smile gleaming like a Venus near a crescent moon.

###

Maki’s phone went off as soon as she got inside the house. Text from Rin.

R: You didn’t tell me Nico was famous. Now Kayo-chin’s mad at us.

M: US?

R: US ʕง•ᴥ•ʔง

R: You know she loves A-Rise. And Tsubasa Kira’s their lead singer and she was there too. Kayo-chin’s thinks we’re idiots ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚.

R: Did you get home?

M: Yeah, Nico just dropped me off.

R: Ooohh, Kayo-chin’ll be less mad at us if you get Nico to give you some autigraphed swag or backstage passes

M: Hanayo shouldn’t be mad at you, Rin.

M: And I am not asking Nico that.

R: But she loves A-Rise.

M: Tell her I said to remind her she loves you.

R: It’s not that big a deal.

M: (¬_¬)

Maki shook her head. Rin had too little self esteem too often. She typed off a quick text to Hanayo.

M: We were having fun, not waiting in a fan line for you. Tell Rin you’re not mad.

No reply from either. Maki hoped they were having a conversation that would improve Rin’s mood. They had such a solid history and still hit bumps. Maki had never really made it past casual dating territory. The texts always trailed off and the follow up for a third or fourth date never happened. Maki would run into them at some charity event or the corridor of the hospital and hear muttered excuses about ‘busy.” As she started to frown, entering Dia’s room, her phone pinged again. A new number.

N: Hi, it’s Nico. Are you free tomorrow around 11 a.m.. Nico will pick you and Dia up ٩( ๑^ ꇴ^)۶

Maki closed Dia’s door and leaned against the hall wall, reading.

N: But Nico will need to borrow a car seat.

Maki smiled at the boldness, typing quickly.

M: Your car only has 2 seats. Convertibles are not child friendly.

N: My sister’s SUV is. Trust Nico. I practically raised my three siblings.

M: Did something happen to your parents?

N: My dad died before my brother was born.

M: Sorry.

N: Thanks. My mom coped really well, but Nico had to help out a lot.

Maki was an adult who voluntarily decided to raise a child. Having that responsibility as a teen…

M: Sounds tough.

N: They were good kids. Cocoa’s an elementary school teacher now.

M: What about the other two?

N: Cocoro runs my business and charity foundation, Cotaro just graduated with a degree in Fine Arts. He’s got a residency in Mexico studying sculpture.

N: Isn’t it late for you? ( ु⁎ᴗ_ᴗ⁎)ु.｡oO

M: I don’t sleep.

N: Does Dia?

M: Soundly. The nanny takes care of breakfast.

N: Oh.

M: I have a lot of overnight shifts.

N: That must be tiring.

M: Nah, world is usually quiet when I get home.

N: Quiet can be nice.

M: Yeah.

N: But Nico needs her beauty sleep. I have a date tomorrow.

M: Really?

N: (✿´ ꒳ ` )

M: Good night, Nico. I’ll see you tomorrow.

N: (｀∇´ゞ

Maki put her in her pocket and opened Dia’s door,

“Hi, bun. How was your night?”

Dia was, as she’d told Nico, soundly asleep, so Maki leaned over to kiss her forehead.

“We have a date tomorrow.” Maki whispered, surprised to hear it out loud.

She settled in the chair next to Dia’s crib. It was her favorite place to think. Would Dia like Nico? Maki liked Nico, would Dia be able to tell? Dia would get fussy when Maki was nervous so Maki was convinced that babies were occasionally portable extensions of parental emotions, like speakers. Maki closed her eyes, remembering Nico and Eli, mostly Nico, dancing around each other and the open part of the room, movements sure and sensual, so much good cheer in the glances and quick bumps they’d exchanged before they spun out to interact with everyone else in the room. And there was Nico prancing toward her, no attention for anything else in the room. It was a good memory.

###

Eli was sprawled across Nozomi, her blonde hair everywhere.They hadn’t had a night out together with friends and the twins away since before the holidays started. And Nico’s arrival had put Eli in a playful mood, one Nozomi was more than willing to indulge. Nozomi sat up, not disturbing Eli that much. Nico had also been in one of the least grumpy moods Nozomi had ever seen her out of public view, just enjoying the evening and the company, specifically Maki’s company. Nico was hot for a MILF. Nozomi giggled at the phrase. Nico would strangle her if she’d heard it. But of course, Nico wouldn’t be less interested because Maki had a child. Nico was the most family oriented person Nozomi had ever met. That was one of the strongest bonds between Nico and Eli, a joint understanding of how to be the best big sister. It was so cute. Nozomi couldn’t help leaning down to kiss Eli, who woke like Sleeping Beauty.

“Nontan?” Such long, delicate eyelashes.

“Just thinking how cute you and Nico were tonight.”

“Cute?” Eli’s eyebrow arched.

“Sexty cute.”

“Mmmm...better, but I’m sextier.” Eli nuzzled into Nozomi’s bosom.

“So much sextier…” Nozomi hugged her wife, “But isn’t it great how Nico and Maki hit it off.”

Nozomi could feel Eli shrug.

Nozomi continued. “Neither of them takes enough time for themselves.”

Since Nozomi was going to talk and not cuddle, Eli flopped on her back, staring at the ceiling. “So they probably won’t have time to date so you won’t have another couple’s romance to meddle in.”

“They look good together.”

“Okay. What’s the tl;dr?” Eli sighed, “I love Nico but I don’t want to discuss her in our bedroom. She’s got her own bed.”

“Sometimes Fate needs a push, especially if people are too busy to notice signs.” Nozomi seemed to be carrying on a conversation with herself, not altering its script whatever Eli replied.

“What signs?” Exasperated, Eli sat up, “What are you talking about, love?”

Nozomi shrugged, the roll of her bosom distracting Eli, “Nico wants a family, Maki has a family, maybe…” Nozomi giggled. It was a very specific giggle, one that Eli had learned to dread, because it meant Nozomi had “helped” Fate along somehow. And when Nico was involved, that usually meant that Eli was going to be shouted at in angry midget.

“What did you do?” Eli wrapped the sheet around herself.

Nozomi yawned dramatically, shaking her head, then lying down, head on pillow, turned away from Eli.

“I’ll find out, you know.”

A snore, totally faked.

“Zhizn’ ebet meya.” Eli muttered. Where would Nozomi have been able to give anything a push? Eli got out of bed, traded the sheet for Nozomi’s robe, and headed to the kitchen. She was going to need some tea.

A/N: Hi! I was in the mood for a Single Parent AU so here you are.

[gordonwilliamsweb]

California To Widen Pipeline Of Psychiatric Nurse Practitioners

Jane Gunter, a nurse practitioner in Tuolumne County, California, has long wanted to specialize in mental health so she can treat patients who have anxiety, depression and more complicated mental illnesses.

Her county, a rural outpost in the Sierra Nevada foothills with a population of about 54,000, has only five psychiatrists — “a huge shortage,” she said.

But Gunter, 56, wasn’t about to quit her job at the Me-Wuk Indian Health Center in Tuolumne and relocate to some distant campus for two years to get certified as a psychiatric nurse practitioner.

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Then, in February, she learned that the University of California was launching a new program to provide that certification online in just one year. She fired off her application, and last month she received an acceptance letter.

“Sometimes I think, ‘What are you doing?’” Gunter said, referring to the online classes that will take over her nights and weekends once the program starts. “But I care about the community.”

The online certification program, conducted jointly by the nursing schools at the University of California-San Francisco, UCLA and UC-Davis, was scheduled to start in the fall, but it has been postponed until January because the on-site clinical hours required as part of the training are not possible during the COVID-19 shutdown.

Despite the delay, the potential expansion of psychiatric care is opportune given the expected increase in mental health problems due to the social isolation and financial stress stemming from the pandemic.

The need for more mental health nurses is about to be bigger than ever, said E. Alison Holman, a health psychologist at UC-Irvine who studies emotional responses to collective trauma.

“We now have 30 million Americans who have lost their jobs, who have no income — and how are they going to pay rent? How are they going to buy food?” Holman said. “And then you have to stay home. This event is rolling out like a long, chronic stressor.”

Even before the current crisis, California faced a serious shortage of mental health professionals, especially in rural areas. California’s psychiatrists and psychologists are approaching retirement age in large numbers, and fewer medical students are choosing psychiatry.

A UCSF study projected that the state would have 41% fewer psychiatrists than needed by 2028. More than half of Californians with mental illness receive no treatment, according to a February 2019 report by the California Future Health Workforce Commission.

UC’s online mental health nurse practitioner program is one of the solutions recommended by the commission, a statewide, multisector panel that created a master plan to address the Golden State’s shortage of health care workers.

The program is expected to put 300 more mental health NPs into California communities, particularly rural ones, over the next five years. Applicants such as Gunter, who live in underserved rural areas, will be given priority in the hope that they will stay in their communities upon completion of the training, said Deborah Johnson, a UCSF nursing professor who is co-director of the program.

Forty spots are available for the class that begins in January, and not all have been filled yet, Johnson said. Applications are being accepted until June 1, and 65 additional spots will open in fall 2021 and each fall thereafter for three more years, she said.

The UC system received a $1.5 million grant from the California Health Care Foundation to develop, design and launch it. But tuition is expected to make it self-sustaining. (Kaiser Health News, which produces California Healthline, is an editorially independent publication of the foundation.)

Applicants for the new program must already be advanced practice nurses, which means they hold either a master’s degree or doctorate in nursing. More than 27,000 NPs now practice in California, but only 1,200 are certified to treat psychiatric patients.

Three hundred more psychiatric NPs won’t completely fill the growing mental health care need, but they are expected to treat nearly 400,000 patients over a five-year period.

Though the online program means working nurses won’t have to leave their jobs and their lives to relocate, they will still face challenges.

For one thing, their certification will require 500 hours of supervised clinical training with patients in hospitals, jails or schools. And some applicants live in communities where such opportunities may not be available, which could require them to commute long distances to meet the requirement.

Another challenge is that, even after nurse practitioners are certified, state law requires they find a medical doctor to supervise them. Havilyn Kern, a school nurse in Nevada City, California, quit her job two years ago so she could spend three days a week at UCSF — 155 miles away — to train as a psychiatric nurse practitioner.

She graduates in June, so the new online program is too late for her. Kern, who plans to work in her own community, hopes she will find a psychiatrist in the Bay Area willing to tele-supervise her.

“It shouldn’t have to be this way,” said program co-director Johnson. “California is so archaic. It’s the most restrictive state in the western portion of the country.”

Twenty-eight states plus Washington, D.C., allow nurse practitioners to work autonomously. Santa Rosa Assembly member Jim Wood, a Democrat, has introduced a bill, AB-890, that would allow California NPs to practice without doctor supervision. It passed the Assembly in January and is pending in the Senate.

“If AB 890 passes, it will certainly help fill the loss of specialty physicians such as psychiatrists everywhere, including in underserved areas,” Wood said.

But that’s a big “if.”

California’s powerful doctors’ lobby, which has repeatedly scuttled similar legislation, is aggressively fighting it again. They argue that letting NPs order tests and prescribe medications independently would “dilute care.”

Doctors also have a financial incentive to keep things the way they are. It restricts competition, and they bill NPs between $5,000 and $15,000 a year to review their charts and prescriptions every few months, according to a report by the California Health Care Foundation and UCSF.

Johnson suggested it is time for a change.

“We are the workhorses,” she said. “Oh, my God, there is so much need. This new program could not come at a more important time.”

This KHN story first published on California Healthline, a service of the California Health Care Foundation.

California To Widen Pipeline Of Psychiatric Nurse Practitioners published first on https://nootropicspowdersupplier.tumblr.com/

[stephenmccull]

California To Widen Pipeline Of Psychiatric Nurse Practitioners

Jane Gunter, a nurse practitioner in Tuolumne County, California, has long wanted to specialize in mental health so she can treat patients who have anxiety, depression and more complicated mental illnesses.

Her county, a rural outpost in the Sierra Nevada foothills with a population of about 54,000, has only five psychiatrists — “a huge shortage,” she said.

But Gunter, 56, wasn’t about to quit her job at the Me-Wuk Indian Health Center in Tuolumne and relocate to some distant campus for two years to get certified as a psychiatric nurse practitioner.

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Subscribe to KHN’s free Morning Briefing.

Sign Up

Please confirm your email address below:

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Then, in February, she learned that the University of California was launching a new program to provide that certification online in just one year. She fired off her application, and last month she received an acceptance letter.

“Sometimes I think, ‘What are you doing?’” Gunter said, referring to the online classes that will take over her nights and weekends once the program starts. “But I care about the community.”

The online certification program, conducted jointly by the nursing schools at the University of California-San Francisco, UCLA and UC-Davis, was scheduled to start in the fall, but it has been postponed until January because the on-site clinical hours required as part of the training are not possible during the COVID-19 shutdown.

Despite the delay, the potential expansion of psychiatric care is opportune given the expected increase in mental health problems due to the social isolation and financial stress stemming from the pandemic.

The need for more mental health nurses is about to be bigger than ever, said E. Alison Holman, a health psychologist at UC-Irvine who studies emotional responses to collective trauma.

“We now have 30 million Americans who have lost their jobs, who have no income — and how are they going to pay rent? How are they going to buy food?” Holman said. “And then you have to stay home. This event is rolling out like a long, chronic stressor.”

Even before the current crisis, California faced a serious shortage of mental health professionals, especially in rural areas. California’s psychiatrists and psychologists are approaching retirement age in large numbers, and fewer medical students are choosing psychiatry.

A UCSF study projected that the state would have 41% fewer psychiatrists than needed by 2028. More than half of Californians with mental illness receive no treatment, according to a February 2019 report by the California Future Health Workforce Commission.

UC’s online mental health nurse practitioner program is one of the solutions recommended by the commission, a statewide, multisector panel that created a master plan to address the Golden State’s shortage of health care workers.

The program is expected to put 300 more mental health NPs into California communities, particularly rural ones, over the next five years. Applicants such as Gunter, who live in underserved rural areas, will be given priority in the hope that they will stay in their communities upon completion of the training, said Deborah Johnson, a UCSF nursing professor who is co-director of the program.

Forty spots are available for the class that begins in January, and not all have been filled yet, Johnson said. Applications are being accepted until June 1, and 65 additional spots will open in fall 2021 and each fall thereafter for three more years, she said.

The UC system received a $1.5 million grant from the California Health Care Foundation to develop, design and launch it. But tuition is expected to make it self-sustaining. (Kaiser Health News, which produces California Healthline, is an editorially independent publication of the foundation.)

Applicants for the new program must already be advanced practice nurses, which means they hold either a master’s degree or doctorate in nursing. More than 27,000 NPs now practice in California, but only 1,200 are certified to treat psychiatric patients.

Three hundred more psychiatric NPs won’t completely fill the growing mental health care need, but they are expected to treat nearly 400,000 patients over a five-year period.

Though the online program means working nurses won’t have to leave their jobs and their lives to relocate, they will still face challenges.

For one thing, their certification will require 500 hours of supervised clinical training with patients in hospitals, jails or schools. And some applicants live in communities where such opportunities may not be available, which could require them to commute long distances to meet the requirement.

Another challenge is that, even after nurse practitioners are certified, state law requires they find a medical doctor to supervise them. Havilyn Kern, a school nurse in Nevada City, California, quit her job two years ago so she could spend three days a week at UCSF — 155 miles away — to train as a psychiatric nurse practitioner.

She graduates in June, so the new online program is too late for her. Kern, who plans to work in her own community, hopes she will find a psychiatrist in the Bay Area willing to tele-supervise her.

“It shouldn’t have to be this way,” said program co-director Johnson. “California is so archaic. It’s the most restrictive state in the western portion of the country.”

Twenty-eight states plus Washington, D.C., allow nurse practitioners to work autonomously. Santa Rosa Assembly member Jim Wood, a Democrat, has introduced a bill, AB-890, that would allow California NPs to practice without doctor supervision. It passed the Assembly in January and is pending in the Senate.

“If AB 890 passes, it will certainly help fill the loss of specialty physicians such as psychiatrists everywhere, including in underserved areas,” Wood said.

But that’s a big “if.”

California’s powerful doctors’ lobby, which has repeatedly scuttled similar legislation, is aggressively fighting it again. They argue that letting NPs order tests and prescribe medications independently would “dilute care.”

Doctors also have a financial incentive to keep things the way they are. It restricts competition, and they bill NPs between $5,000 and $15,000 a year to review their charts and prescriptions every few months, according to a report by the California Health Care Foundation and UCSF.

Johnson suggested it is time for a change.

“We are the workhorses,” she said. “Oh, my God, there is so much need. This new program could not come at a more important time.”

This KHN story first published on California Healthline, a service of the California Health Care Foundation.

California To Widen Pipeline Of Psychiatric Nurse Practitioners published first on https://smartdrinkingweb.weebly.com/

[dinafbrownil]

California To Widen Pipeline Of Psychiatric Nurse Practitioners

Jane Gunter, a nurse practitioner in Tuolumne County, California, has long wanted to specialize in mental health so she can treat patients who have anxiety, depression and more complicated mental illnesses.

Her county, a rural outpost in the Sierra Nevada foothills with a population of about 54,000, has only five psychiatrists — “a huge shortage,” she said.

But Gunter, 56, wasn’t about to quit her job at the Me-Wuk Indian Health Center in Tuolumne and relocate to some distant campus for two years to get certified as a psychiatric nurse practitioner.

Email Sign-Up

Subscribe to KHN’s free Morning Briefing.

Sign Up

Please confirm your email address below:

Sign Up

Then, in February, she learned that the University of California was launching a new program to provide that certification online in just one year. She fired off her application, and last month she received an acceptance letter.

“Sometimes I think, ‘What are you doing?’” Gunter said, referring to the online classes that will take over her nights and weekends once the program starts. “But I care about the community.”

The online certification program, conducted jointly by the nursing schools at the University of California-San Francisco, UCLA and UC-Davis, was scheduled to start in the fall, but it has been postponed until January because the on-site clinical hours required as part of the training are not possible during the COVID-19 shutdown.

Despite the delay, the potential expansion of psychiatric care is opportune given the expected increase in mental health problems due to the social isolation and financial stress stemming from the pandemic.

The need for more mental health nurses is about to be bigger than ever, said E. Alison Holman, a health psychologist at UC-Irvine who studies emotional responses to collective trauma.

“We now have 30 million Americans who have lost their jobs, who have no income — and how are they going to pay rent? How are they going to buy food?” Holman said. “And then you have to stay home. This event is rolling out like a long, chronic stressor.”

Even before the current crisis, California faced a serious shortage of mental health professionals, especially in rural areas. California’s psychiatrists and psychologists are approaching retirement age in large numbers, and fewer medical students are choosing psychiatry.

A UCSF study projected that the state would have 41% fewer psychiatrists than needed by 2028. More than half of Californians with mental illness receive no treatment, according to a February 2019 report by the California Future Health Workforce Commission.

UC’s online mental health nurse practitioner program is one of the solutions recommended by the commission, a statewide, multisector panel that created a master plan to address the Golden State’s shortage of health care workers.

The program is expected to put 300 more mental health NPs into California communities, particularly rural ones, over the next five years. Applicants such as Gunter, who live in underserved rural areas, will be given priority in the hope that they will stay in their communities upon completion of the training, said Deborah Johnson, a UCSF nursing professor who is co-director of the program.

Forty spots are available for the class that begins in January, and not all have been filled yet, Johnson said. Applications are being accepted until June 1, and 65 additional spots will open in fall 2021 and each fall thereafter for three more years, she said.

The UC system received a $1.5 million grant from the California Health Care Foundation to develop, design and launch it. But tuition is expected to make it self-sustaining. (Kaiser Health News, which produces California Healthline, is an editorially independent publication of the foundation.)

Applicants for the new program must already be advanced practice nurses, which means they hold either a master’s degree or doctorate in nursing. More than 27,000 NPs now practice in California, but only 1,200 are certified to treat psychiatric patients.

Three hundred more psychiatric NPs won’t completely fill the growing mental health care need, but they are expected to treat nearly 400,000 patients over a five-year period.

Though the online program means working nurses won’t have to leave their jobs and their lives to relocate, they will still face challenges.

For one thing, their certification will require 500 hours of supervised clinical training with patients in hospitals, jails or schools. And some applicants live in communities where such opportunities may not be available, which could require them to commute long distances to meet the requirement.

Another challenge is that, even after nurse practitioners are certified, state law requires they find a medical doctor to supervise them. Havilyn Kern, a school nurse in Nevada City, California, quit her job two years ago so she could spend three days a week at UCSF — 155 miles away — to train as a psychiatric nurse practitioner.

She graduates in June, so the new online program is too late for her. Kern, who plans to work in her own community, hopes she will find a psychiatrist in the Bay Area willing to tele-supervise her.

“It shouldn’t have to be this way,” said program co-director Johnson. “California is so archaic. It’s the most restrictive state in the western portion of the country.”

Twenty-eight states plus Washington, D.C., allow nurse practitioners to work autonomously. Santa Rosa Assembly member Jim Wood, a Democrat, has introduced a bill, AB-890, that would allow California NPs to practice without doctor supervision. It passed the Assembly in January and is pending in the Senate.

“If AB 890 passes, it will certainly help fill the loss of specialty physicians such as psychiatrists everywhere, including in underserved areas,” Wood said.

But that’s a big “if.”

California’s powerful doctors’ lobby, which has repeatedly scuttled similar legislation, is aggressively fighting it again. They argue that letting NPs order tests and prescribe medications independently would “dilute care.”

Doctors also have a financial incentive to keep things the way they are. It restricts competition, and they bill NPs between $5,000 and $15,000 a year to review their charts and prescriptions every few months, according to a report by the California Health Care Foundation and UCSF.

Johnson suggested it is time for a change.

“We are the workhorses,” she said. “Oh, my God, there is so much need. This new program could not come at a more important time.”

This KHN story first published on California Healthline, a service of the California Health Care Foundation.

from Updates By Dina https://khn.org/news/california-to-widen-pipeline-of-psychiatric-nurse-practitioners/

[waywardtaleflower-blog]

November 2015

At the Jindal Naturecare Institute

Landed to an overcast Bangalore. This was the effect from the hurricane that was wrecking havoc in Chennai and other parts of South India. It took me a while to look for the prepaid taxi counter. The listed charge was twice the regular fare plus I had to wait on the curb for 20 minutes. I called my father." I have reached safely".  My father has always been so over protective of me. I have been married 16 years but he still insisted I followed his advise in this new city. I made numerous short calls to him throughout my stay at Jindal just so he was assured I'm safe and comfortable there.  Little did he know all of his cautious planning will be rendered useless in a few days when someone will break into his secured ring with pure charm...I had strict instructions to take the pre paid cab only and tell them the license plate number on the phone before getting into the cab. Let's just say it made for one awkward phone call in front of the cab driver. No matter how softly I spoke, am sure the driver could hear. So the hour long journey in the cab, I went out of my way to appear friendly so as to undo the mistrust I had projected upfront. Upon reaching the institute, I took his cell number and told him that I'll call him for the return ride to the airport in two weeks. The ride was beautiful at least the first half. Beautiful palm trees lined up on both sides of the road and I loved the smell of moist soil and wet foliage --fresh after a downpour. Once into the city, it was the same old traffic, pollution, honking...

The taxi stopped at these tall metal gates. There was a very large water fountain in the red brick paved plaza that could be seen through the gates. Frankly, the first impression was neither pleasing not inviting. But I shoved away any concerns based on the looks of the place. I had heard only good things about this naturopathic centre and so was hopeful about it. Hopeful that my IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) type ailment would be understood and cured through their therapies and their detox program.

I had been suffering from this illness for the past 20 years. But in the last 3.5 years I had been miserable. Due to the lack of any solid diagnosis it had been labeled as IBS. Except that the symptoms were daily and extremely debilitating. I had quit working on my phd. And was not employed either. Had been at home last few years, actually mostly on the bed. I had this constant struggle every morning after using the bathroom. My body would go into this shaking and weakness for hours. My stomach would flutter all day and pain at night. I was unable to get up from the bed a few months ago. Battery of tests, scans and doctors visits first in North America and then in India had revealed nothing. I had seen doctors in 3 countries for years. Then I tried acupuncture for 4 months and saw some improvement but still suffered from debilitating weakness and multiple food allergies, severe insomnia, falling hair, wrinkled skin and dark circles around my eyes......

I was carrying only one carry on suitcase. The guard from the gate picked it up and brought it to the lobby that was part of the admin block. The granite flooring and paneling on the walls evoked a bit of a resort feel but that feel didn't penetrate to the rest of the building. I checked in at the reception. The receptionist asked for my papers-- passport and the registration forms. She asked if I had any difficulties with the online registration process. I always have feedback so true to my nature I said yes. The North American influence I guess--there is always room for improvement and I’m used to seeing the continuous improvement feedback loop. She said she will connect me with the upper level management to discuss that further. Didn't think anything of this so said a indiscreet “ok, fine” to the receptionist. The nurse across from the receptionist took my height, weight and other vitals and asked a bunch of questions from a health questionnaire. By now I was tired of speaking about my symptoms/ illness. I had emailed my entire history going back 20 yrs with the test results and a summary to them 4 months ago. I expected them to have reviewed it before my arrival there. Having lived in North America, I have come to expect certain quality standards as a given. The reality of being in a health facility in India was about to hit me pretty quickly.

 After checking in, a golf cart took me for a tour of the sprawling campus. One edge of the campus was a huge lake with a water fountain that ran 24/7. Beyond the lake was the highway with heavy traffic that was responsible for occasional break in the otherwise serene campus. The driver pointed me different facilities: the attached hospital, the yoga hall, the swimming pool, the executive rooms, the treatment centres, campus stores for essentials and the dining hall. Oh, and there was a beauty parlor on campus too!   A paved plaza outside the dining hall had a tall clock tower on it. The area was a socialization space for patients to hang out before and after meals, especially in the evenings. A walking path connected all these buildings, the plaza and provided beautiful tracks and views for the recommended walks...

The golf cart driver dropped me at the dining hall. I wasn't really hungry having eaten some idlis on the plane. However, I did eat some rice, lentils and cabbage. It was spicy though. The dining hall was separated for executive, regular patients and deluxe room patients. The executive rooms cost a third of the deluxe rooms and the dining hall decor and layout seem to justify the difference in costs. I didn't think the food was any different though. The food was all grown on campus in the fields behind and cooked in the huge kitchen. The quality of food was closely monitored by nutritionists, who also kept an eye on the quantity and portion sizes the patients were self helping themselves to. The doctors specified the diet for the entire day and each patient was strictly supposed to follow the prescription.  The philosophy of the naturopathic treatment is that given the right diet and lifestyle, human body can heal itself. The institute touts itself in not only providing relief but also reversing some of the illness. Additionally, it also educates you to a way for maintaining good health.

I made friends with whoever sat at the dining table with me for each of the meals and so by the end of the 15 day stay I knew almost a third of the 300 odd patients on campus. The ice breaker usually was “how many days have you been here already?” We also talked about the diseases we are seeking treatment from, our home cities, the doctor they were seeing, the therapies and their general experience. They all had different ailments they were seeking treatment for ranging from obesity, high bp, diabetes to back pain, arthritis and digestive issues. To my surprise, a lot of them were regular patients at the institute visiting once a year. The setting, the lifestyle and diet all tied the patients together in the common goal of improving their respective health. The interaction among fellow patients was very helpful in coping with the challenges of being there by myself and not feeling so well! 

 A few steps from the reception was the general OPD. The look and smell of the hallway reminded me of the run down government hospitals. I took my token and waited on the bench outside Dr Sharath's room for my turn.   

The Institute had not sent any advance information on the therapies and interventions planned for me so I waited for my discussion w Dr Sharath in high anticipation. The reality of not being in North America hit again, and this time harder. Dr Sharath started reviewing the file in front of me and said he had not seen it prior to our meeting. His verdict disturbed me, to say the least--" your case is hard... But let's see what we can do". Hardly the words I wanted to hear. I had sent my husband and daughter back to North America while I came to Bangalore for this treatment. I know it would be really hard for them to manage everything on their own for two weeks but we decided as a family, it will be worthwhile if my visit to the institute could help me bring my chronic ailment under control.

The primary purpose of my visit was to treat my food intolerances-- gluten, dairy, nuts, sugar and all and any kind of fiber that was upsetting my intestinal tract. Dr Sharath put together a diet and treatment chart for the next couple days. The treatments included mud packs and some massages. He also advised to see the acupuncturist to chalk out the daily treatments with them. The diet chart included wheat bread in it. When I questioned he said-- "try it, we will see what happens". Needless to say, I was in pain the following morning. I went back to the OPD to see him but he was on leave. Spoke to another doctor that morning. Dr Swarajyalakshmi was very polite and caring but as I'll soon find out, she was equally casual and clueless about my symptoms and what was causing them.

Nov 20: Was going by the lobby after meeting Dr Swarajyalakshmi, as the receptionist stopped me. She asked if I had time to go meet Mr Murli in the higher management about the registration process. I was in my pain after eating gluten food the previous day so decided to go give him a piece of my mind-- my disappointment in the way my case was being handled. Two flights of steps took me to the upper floor where the management offices were looking located. I turned left from the upstairs lobby around the circular double height skylight overlooking the entrance downstairs. I went past the admissions office on the right. There were name signs sticking out over the office doors. Found Mr Murli’s office on the left a couple doors down. I walked to turn to enter the office when I noticed he wasn't there. I then Turned around to the office opposite his and saw a pair of eyes staring at me. The sign above the door read "Chief Operating Officer".

 Seated on a chair with a tall back, was PKM. I asked " I'm looking for Mr Murli". He extended his arm as to invite me to his office and take a seat. The table was all clean with a laptop and barely any loose papers. The rest of the horizontal surfaces were also sparse. Along the back wall were windows that overlooked a dead terrace. I remember thinking it could be such an interesting feature if landscaped with some plants. The windows behind him overlooked a terrace-- more or less a dead space. I said, “ the reception ppl wanted me to discuss any online registration issues with Mr Murli”. I mentioned my dissatisfaction with the intake process. I had sent nearly 50 pages of my health history and tests at registration but my file had not been studied until I reached there. He sat there and seemed to be listening patiently to my issues and complains, never really taking his eyes off of me. He was mostly quiet, well may be I didn't give him a chance to talk. I remember noticing how he almost seemed to be somewhat oddly stuck to that tall back of the chair. Then I described some of my health issues and requested him to connect me with the best doctors there. He assured me that he will follow up and gave me his business card with his mobile number. "Please call me anytime if you need anything", he said. I picked up my JNI jute bag and left his office feeling positive about the interaction and hopeful that things will work out.

 The day involved moving from one building to another on campus. The treatments were in treatment centers, Acupuncture and physiotherapy was in the main hospital located near the main entrance and yoga was in the yoga hall close to the lake. I walked across the campus throughout the day, ran into many of the same fellow patients in different buildings or at the diet center.

 The day usually started at 5am with the walk around campus. The day did not break until 5:30am. It used to be dark when I stepped out of the executive building where my room was located. Went to the yoga hall to do all the kriyas—the jal neti, eyes wash, gargles, ghee in nostrils followed by steam. All the kriyas were organized really well. The sequence was well planned. Stainless steel utensils were used for performing the kriyas. the sound of those utensils could be heard on the walkway outside. A strong but pleasant insense filled up the area outside the yoga hall. They was a constant flow of clean sterilized utensils into the hall while the used ones were taken away promptly. After finishing the kriyas, I would head to the open amphitheater facing the lake for yoga, meditation and laughing session.

 Because of my frail condition, sitting with criss-crossed legs for more than 10 minutes was very hard for me. They would go numb and I felt the need for a back rest as well. Else, I started feeling dizzy. The last step of the amphitheater was lined up with flat hard beds and some chairs for the elderly or frail patients like me. I made friends with several of the elderly patients there.

 Meanwhile, I continued with the jal kriyas but the yoga, even the pranayam breathing was also bothersome for me. I tried to sit through the yoga sessions for a few days but the dizziness kept bothering me. I quit by day 3 but continued going for the laughter and the meditation for the rest of my stay at JNI.

 The first meal of the day was coconut water at around 7.45am. No breakfast was served. And lunch started at 10.45 am. Now waking up at 5am and waiting for lunch was draining for me in the first couple days itself. I tried to convince the nutritionist at the diet center to tweek my food servings a bit but they strictly followed the diet chart. I ended up in a few arguments with them and then also tried explaining to both Dr Sharath and Dr Swarajyalakshmi. " That’s the naturopathic philosophy" I was told. Meanwhile, the prescribed diet was not only insufficient but also disagreeable with my system. By day 5, I had had enough. There were many sympathetic fellow patients who gave me moral support. I had lost a couple kilograms already. I was barely getting any sleep, felt dizzy throughout the day. My blood pressure was 80-60. I called my family and declared I was going to discontinue the treatment and come back asap. They advised to connect with COO and request for help. He had already moved me from Dr Sharath to Dr Swarajyalakshmi but it was worth trying, I thought. So I called him to give an update. He didn’t talk much on the phone but said he would meet me near the clock tower square in an hour. I went for a bath, washed my hair, changed in to my night pajamas. It was still a few minutes before my meeting, but I decided to go to the plaza and wait for him.

 I reached the clock tower and stood there looking at the mingling patients. Didn’t feel like interacting with anyone. This whole idea of coming to Jindal all by myself felt like a big mistake. It was around 9pm when I saw the COO coming down toward the tower. He was probably coming from the administrative block. He was a short lean person of wheatish complexion, had a distinct spring in his walk and also seemed to lean a bit on one side while walking. Recognizing him, I started walking toward him. With a lot of concern in his voice, he said “what happened to you, you don’t look ok.”  I told him that I feel miserable.

 He said, “lets sit somewhere and talk”. We found two seats on the plaza. There were still quite a few patients there and though it felt odd not being in an official setting to discuss this, I did not worry about it much. I described my awful experience at JNI so far and how I needed his help. “My daughter and husband are hoping I would benefit from my stay here at JNI and not go back sicker from here”, I said. He said he will try his best to help me. “I started at JNI only a few weeks ago but I will do my best”. He then asked me about my background and I shared my education and experience in the U.S. When I asked him about his family, he had tears in his eyes and said, “its just me and my daughter”. Sensing some awkwardness, I did not pursue that conversation. He got up and went for his final round of the campus for the night and I headed back to my room to sleep.

 The next day, I didn’t go to the morning routines, I was tired, sleep deprived and dizzy. Meanwhile, Dr Swarajyalakshmi called my room to check on me. She was clearly nervous. “The COO might have spoken with her”, I thought. She said she has asked the diet center to bring the food to my room. She made some more changes to my diet, added more rice and potatoes. I only went for my two treatments and acupuncture and stayed in my room the entire day. I enquired in the treatment rooms about the best doctor on campus. “Dr Babina”, I was told. She is the seniormost here, said the treatment worker.

 Day 5: My condition was not coming under control. My pains got worse, I was continuing to feel dizzy, had palpitations throughout the night and got only 2-3 hours of sleep every night. So decided to pursue PKM to connect me with the senior most doc on campus. He kept telling me he is working on it. I decided to walk to the green plaza myself. Dr Babina’s office was in the green plaza, not in the general opd. The Green Plaza catered to the patients in the nests, huts and deluxe rooms. Huge sliding glass doors at the entrance were automated. The lobby and the offices were airconditioned. I asked for Dr Babina at the reception. “She is on leave for the next two days”, I was told. What? But PK had told me he was working on it. I was pissed.  So I decided to go and sit outside the admin offices on the first floor until he connected me to Dr Babina. He was in a mtg but several of the staff members saw me sitting there and I guess passed him the msg. I must have sat there for an hour with crossed arms and stared at all staff going past the lobby. Finally, he came out of the mtg room and told me that dr Bharathi will see me. He arranged for a golf cart to take me to the DdR building to see dr Bharathi.

 DDR building was located at the extreme end of the property, secluded from everything else. It overlooked the lake on one side and a huge grove of palm trees on the other side. First, I met Dr Pradeep, the doc junior to Babina. I started crying while detailing out my ordeal. He said I should try with Dr Bharathi. Dr Bharathi sat across from Dr Pradeep. They both were located in the Deluxe rooms building. I realized they were exclusively serving the higher end clients and that’s why I had never seen them in the general OPD. Dr Bharthi was very assuring. She reviewed my file and said she can take over my case and sounded very confident. I said I don’t want to keep changing doctors so will try to continue with Swarajya Lakshmi.

 The next morning, I couldn’t find any strength to go for even the kriyas. At 10am I decided to go meet Dr Babina as she had come back from her vacation. After listening to my story and ongoing difficulties, she said, “it s ok if you want to leave. Just get Bharathi to sign off on your papers”.

 Even though, this is exactly what I wanted to do but I realized that in the last 7 days I was hoping against hope for something to work out. I was heartbroken and sad. When I sat down with Dr Bharathi, I could not control my tears. I told her I had come to Jindal with a lot of hope. I have seen so many co patients experiencing rejuvenation and progress. Why not me??? She said she is sure she could help me and wanted me to stay.  I wiped my tears and decided to hang on to my last hope. Bharathi added breakfast in my diet chart and a late night snack. The therapies were kept really gentle and diet was mostly rice and potatoes for almost 9 days. There was no sign of PKM in the last couple days.

But on day 9, he called at around 9pm to check on me. I told him I like Dr Bharathi and was hoping for the best. He mostly listened and asked at the end "what are you doing right now?" “Is he asking me out?” I thought. I said I was about to sleep after my night therapy. “Let me know if you need help”, he said.

 The next morning, I had saboodana for breakfast after my kriyas and laughing, meditation session. Took some pics of the campus and chit chatted with fellow patients in between treatments, my accupucture therapies and usual mud packs and then sat in the dining hall chatting.

 I called him the next night to give him an update. He asked the same question, “What are you doing”. I said, “nothing, why?”” Would you like to come for a walk with me?” he asked. He was on his final round for the night and stopped at several buildings on campus giving instructions to the staff. It was probably day 10. He talked about the food served to the staff and his experience in the job so far. Then sensing that I was getting tired, he pointed to a bench on one of the walkways. We sat there and talked for what seemed like almost an hour.

 He told me how the staff at the diet center were all paranoid of me. I was fussing about the food too much. He said, “you have the words ‘handle with care’ written all over you! “ I smiled listening to that. That day he talked a lot about his life. He described his unhappy childhood, his tensed relationship with his father while growing up and briefly mentioned his recent divorce. He expressed his displeasure at the food available in the mess. It was similar to the food being prepared for the patients. He obviously didn’t care for it much. He then said he wanted to cook for me. It must be almost 10 pm when I got up and started walking back to my room. He was starting to flirt with me….

 I have had a few guys in my life who I have sensed had developed a crush on me. Though none of them ever openly flirted like this PKM. It was a new experience and that too when I was almost 44 years. I never found myself physically attractive. I grew up with a very big inferiority complex. The squint in my eyes, my crooked teeth and my short height—I was very aware of all of it. I was scared to make eye contact as a teen ager. I was surrounded by a flawless genetic pool when it came to beauty, especially on my mother’s side. I was very aware that I was the odd one in my family. Physical beauty was never my thing and I accepted it.

 No one had ever proposed to me in my life, not even my husband. And even he had had not minced his words on my appearance in our initial years of knowing each other. It had taken him 4 years to decide about us…all of this was in my distant past…But clearly, I still wanted to feel beautiful and desired, somewhere deep down in my heart. I didn’t know how much until PK started pursuing me. He expressed in words how much he liked me and wanted to be with me. Words I knew were not serious, nevertheless they were the words I had not heard before….

 The excitement was clearly modifying my brain chemicals and the impact on my physical state and my mood was very apparent. However, I was aware of my limits and I knew I was leaving for North America in a few days. I didn't think it was anything serious and so decided to flow with it. From that point, I was looking for him everywhere on campus. I ran into him a couple times in the dining hall. He called me several times during the day. Sometimes, I was in the middle of a treatment and I would return his call later. All the attention I was getting from him was clearly having a physiological impact on me. I still had a lack of appetite but my stomach felt much better. I still got minimal sleep but my energy level was high. I could get through all of the treatments through the day very enthusiastically. I guessed it was the anticipation of running into him on campus....

 I was away form the internet and whatsapp for 10 days now. I realized that the DDR lobby had wifi connection. I decided to ask PKM for help so I could access the i-net while I’m waiting to see Dr Bharathi. And he did get that working for me. The treatment with Dr Bharathi was working out better. My BP was better and the saboodana controlled my BM somewhat. Plus, the PK effect. I was cheerful and hopeful. I almost wished all this had happened in the first week itself.

 Day 11, after my lunch, I came back to my room. Spoke with my father, like I did every afternoon, to update him of my progress and happening of the day. I got a call from him. “I have really started liking you”, he said for the first time. “Look at my luck, the person I have been looking for my entire life is in front of me but nothing can work out between us, so sad’. I was smiling at his immature, sudden and somewhat silly acknowledgement of his love for me. He shared about his recent messy divorce that has ruined him financially and emotionally. He said he wanted to take me to a concert in the city. I was a bit surprised at that idea cause I knew you couldn’t leave the campus until you are discharged, so I smiled again. I told myself, he is silly but harmless so I let him go on.

 That night after dinner, the staff had organized a concert in the hall. He met me at the dining hall and we walked to the concert hall together. He sat next to me, somewhat awkward and fidgety. After the concert, I went back to my room. He said, “stay awake, I’ll call you after midnight”. I said, “I need to catch up on my sleep. I won’t stay awake”. But he called anyway. It was around 1 am. That night and the following night, he repeatedly insisted, “I love you”. I was very groggy and told him, “I like you but I’m married and I can’t do this.” But he wouldn’t stop. I was sure he was just harmlessly flirting so I didn’t want to abruptly cut him out. I thought I could reason it out with him.

The q and a at the hall

 I kept thinking about the phone call the next day. The next night when I couldn't fall asleep, He called. He "saw" me in my room. He described pretty accurately the way I was lying on the bed. The fan running in the room and some other details. I was intrigued. He kept saying how he wanted to be with me. He asked me to put a pillow in between my legs close my eyes and feel him “there”. And try to sleep. He kept saying that and I felt drifting into sleep. Before I hung up, "I love you" rolled out of my mouth... He breathed heavily. Woke up again in two hrs and called him. He said he was awake just in case I got up and needed to go back to sleep. I felt special. He then insisted I came over to his room through a path that was not lit at night. Sensing that now it was getting out of hand, I told him, “this will never happen, you can go on insisting forever”. He sounded disappointed. I said it several times and then I hung up.

 Couple days later, I ran into him in the dining hall. He said a girl on campus has been interested in him. I encouraged him to pursue her. She was a fellow patient from Delhi. Her initials was MG. I gave him a few tips about how to go about it and I left. “May be this way I could stay friends with this guy and not feel bad for him”, I thought to myself. He wanted to introduce me to her as a family friend. “I want your opinion, it will mean a lot”. I met MG and exchanged a few pleasantries. It was awkward but a very short meeting. My brief but frequent phone calls with him continued. They were just about how I was doing and where I was on campus. I saw him sitting with MG in the plaza that night after dinner.

MG was a Punjabi girl probably in her late 20s. She was part of a big group of girls some of whom already knew each other from previous visits at JNI. My interaction with them revealed that MG was from a very rich family and had a boyfriend in Mumbai. She came across as a arrogant and spoilt to some girls in her group.

 Day 13, I got a message from him and he wanted to meet me. We met outside the executive building. He looked really hassled. We started walking towards the farmlands. He told me he had an argument with the senior management, Mr Jindal himself. And he ended up giving a 10-day notice. He was very hassled since he had no money with him. Aha! Now it made sense to me. A COO and no money? Cant be. Anyway, I just tried to pacify him. And said I have friends in healthcare. I can pass on his resume and hopefully he will find a job soon. He was breathing very shallow. I thought he needed to drink water. So we went inside the DDR building, I made him sit on a couch and got him water from a dispenser. While trying to grab the cup, he tried to touch my hand. It was clearly deliberate. I pulled it back instantly almost in a reflex action. He did not react. We walked out of the building. “Take care”, I said. He went back to his rounds. I went for dinner.

 After dinner, I got a call from him saying he was very sick. He was coughing badly and said he had fever. I asked him to take rest. While talking on the phone, he sounded breathless and then suddenly hung up. I tried calling back but could not get through. I was confused and also a bit worried so decided to call the after hours service center telephone to check on him. They called back in a few minutes saying he was ok. When I woke up in the morning, I called him. He was still sounding really sick. I asked if I should come to see him in his room. He said, “no, not at this time.” I really wanted to see for myself, so I asked several times. He did not agree. I left for my kriyas and meditation. Before I went for breakfast, I took some pictures of the campus. The morning was different from all the recent mornings. I wasn’t anticipating meeting him coz I knew he was sick. I went back into my room around 7.30am and called to check on him. He said he was on campus and he saw me clicking pictures from behind. I was very upset that he didn’t tell me he was there. He said he wanted to come from behind and hug me but knew I wouldn’t like it. I didn’t know what to say…Then he asked, if it would be ok for him to come to drop me at the airport. I agreed.

Lizard in my rm. laundry guy. He sent housekeeping.  

  Everyone glowing after few days of treatment. I asked Bharathi to write me a glow massage as well.

 Dec 3: I asked him to print the boarding pass for me. He did and sent me an email with a rose and his pic in a pilot uniform. It read, “Pls be with me”. I responded to him that I saw him as a friend and hope to keep it that way.

Leaving from Jindal. Night before he wanted to stop on the way for a couple hours. My answer was a resounding NO. I knew he cannot do anything to me against my wishes. He knew it too. Everyone in the dining hall suggested I left 4 hrs prior to departure because of the infamous traffic in Bangalore. PK wasn't convinced but I insisted and he said ok. I went to his office all chirpy to ask when we were leaving. He commented " You look nice". I said "I'm ready to go back to the real world". He was disappointed to see me all pepped up. Actually, I was kind of excited about the ride to the airport. Had told my father and my husband that the COO was dropping me since he is going there as well. Next I cleared all my bills. Said goodbye to Dr Deepa, the accupucture therapist. And clicked pictures with all the fellow patients i had made friends with.

 At the gate, showed my receipt and picked up food for on the way. PK came and said he will not be coming to the airport. I was disappointed, to say the least. But then concluded that he might be busy with work and/or MG and that made me angry. I actually felt jealous... He said, ‘I won't be able to see you go". He seemed in pain, his breathing was shallow, his facial expressions showed he was in great pain and misery. Meanwhile, I sat in the cab, slammed the door and never looked back. As soon as the car reached the main road I called him to show my anger. He picked up the phone and started crying.” I’m devastated”, he said. “Promise me you will call me and keep in touch”, he kept saying repeatedly. That was for the first time I thought this was serious and not just a fling/flirting that would end with my leaving Bangalore.....