#Phil is a shitstain

[ao3feed-tedlasso]

it will fill your lungs, if you'll have it

by handsofink

Another noise, this time more of a hostile rumble. “Because I said I would pick up Phoebe after work.”

“...Oh.”

“And I keep having shit come up where I can’t pick her up, but I don’t want her to get sick,” he continues, aggressively putting his boots on, one half of his leather jacket hanging off. “‘Cause my sister will kill me if I do and then that’ll be a whole other fucking headache. So now I have to find someone to watch her while I’m with Keeley, fuckin fuck’—”

“Well, why don’t I jus’ pick ‘er up?”

He doesn’t know why he offers. His mouth works faster than his brain and is apparently insane.

 or,

jamie is having a rough time and what better way to help that than to babysit his previous rival's niece!

Words: 12660, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Ted Lasso (TV)

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: Gen

Characters: Jamie Tartt, Roy Kent, Phoebe (Ted Lasso), Background & Cameo Characters

Relationships: Roy Kent & Jamie Tartt, Phoebe & Jamie Tartt, Keeley Jones & Jamie Tartt

Additional Tags: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mentioned Verbal Abuse, Mentioned Physical Abuse, mentions of James Tartt but not the actual shitstain, I didn't like his inclusion in the s3 finale sorry, anyway Jamie has ptsd from his dad like cmon, Touch-Starved, this boy is SOOO touch starved, Jason and Phil told me themselves, jamie is not having a good time, Jamie Tartt Needs a Hug, and he gets more than one!!, I love him so much its unreal, jamie and Phoebe having shit dads twinsiesss, they're also besties you can't change my mind, she invited him to uncle's day!! like!!!, Jamie Tartt Has ADHD, it doesn't really affect the plot but it is There, hes also pan cuz I said so and will project onto my blorbos, Post-Season/Series 02, somewhere after zava has left but before mom city, like an in between, can be read as preslash roy/jamie, or royjamiekeeley if u want

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/47843650

[darklordofthesimp]

ya’ll don’t understand, I love phil BECAUSE he’s bad, a rat, a shitstain on the earth….ugh fuck me

I can’t stop

You need standards so bad

Like so fucking bad please

Please just a crumb

Just a fucking molecule of dignity

[freakinhorse123]

Dream SMP characters as Sussy Shitstain squad moments

@sajdd @terrible-ass-always @flyingfish1234 @bones-sprouts @daylghtmellohi @lyraissleepy @miss-match01

Dream: THIS IS BULLYING

Tubbo: FART

Dream: VIOLENCE

Tubbo: FART

Tommy: FART

Wilbur: FART

Tommy: FART

Fundy: FART

Tommy: So what if I have Rabies?

Tubbo: Idk anyone in 1d except for Larry, Zarry and Jeff Bezos

Fundy: Phil in his x reader arc

Tommy: isn’t he like half your age Phil?

Phil: Die

Fanon Tommy: I’m gonna buy 3 bunnies

Fanon Tommy: I’m gonna buy chocolates

Canon Tommy: I’m gonna buy a weapon

Quackity: Diversity wins! Ur abuser is now a stripper!

Sam: The dumptruck transcends god

Ranboo: OH GOD KH NO FUCK

Ranboo: We good

Niki: Oh Phew

Niki: I thought you’d tripped again

Ranboo: Oh I did

Niki: Of course

Ranboo: but my superior athleticism allowed me to get up quickly

Tommy: Dream is very kickable

Quackity: He’s very throw of a bridgeable

Tommy: he’s very toss into spaceable

Quackity: very set on fireable

Tommy: very knifeable

Quackity: very maceable

Wilbur: Mmmmm mpreg

Phil: NO

[kariachi]

I have channeled the building rage and animosity in the ongoing me v ants war (literally paused writing to apply painters tape to a crack in my ceiling) into some fic detailing Eva’s feelings about Max and why she feels that way.

~~

She’d never liked Max, even when he’d just been Space-Pig #Whatever. He’d blatantly thought he was better than them- braver, smarter, more moral- ran around acting like one semi-badass act ages ago made him the space-pig. They’d had him standing guard when she was finally caught, when they stupidly offered her a job rather then prison time, and it had taken every ounce of her self-control to stick to the plan quickly forming in her head rather than just jumping up and knocking that smug look right off his face.

She got plenty of chances to do that later, when she was a ‘proper’ Plumber and the default response to her actions was a semi-stern talking to, and she took them. If she’d hated Max the Space-Pig she loathed Max the Coworker. The way he would cover or make excuses for Billings’s atrocious behavior, even when that behavior was bigoted remarks towards their coworkers. The way he would constantly try to take charge, as if there weren’t plenty of people who outranked him, solely on the basis that he was absolutely sure he was right about everything. It was a Tennyson trait, as she’d realized when she met his brother, and when the two of them got together on anything it took Devin or Labrid shutting them down to stop them from just taking over and ruining everything.

Well, it took Devin. Labrid and the other higher-ups were loathe to find fault with their golden boy Max Tennyson, who- to hear anyone besides Devin and Phil tell it- had single handedly taken on Vilgax the Conqueror and driven him off the planet. Because of course that made the man an infallible hero rather than a self-important dipshit who cared more about riding that ‘perfect hero’ wagon to his death than the people around him.

Some might’ve said she was biased, she said they’d never worked with the man. He’d let people (mostly her and the younger aliens, something they all noticed and Devin was constantly trying to mitigate) take the blame for problems he caused. He and Gordon pushed for his nephew Joel to be accepted into the Academy based solely on the family relation. He would swear up, right, and backwards that anyone he felt ‘betrayed’ by for any reason was an evil, irredeemable person.

After over twenty years working together, he, his jackass brother, and his shitstain sister-in-law had attended Devin’s funeral and refused to eat him.

Then they’d tried to get his paperwork foisted off on her and Kay, since they ‘knew him best’.

So, she had already had pretty strong negative feelings regarding the man and his family when she quit. Max-hate was a pre-existing condition she was happy to let sink down and be buried in the detritus of her soul while she never had to deal with the man again. Why would she? Even when Kevin had vanished, of course she had reported it to Kay rather than any other Plumber, he was his brother. She’d alerted Kay, Kay had filed the missing chick report, the Hell Cats, the Ghost Dogs, the Jones family, the Hollow Tone Pack had all run themselves ragged searching. They’d all feared the worst, even if they couldn’t decide what ‘the worst’ was.

Only for Maxwell fucking Tennyson, a year later, to come out of the shortest retirement ever with full knowledge of where he was and not say a damn thing.

And she’d been, was still, pissed to a degree heretofore unknown by man at the Plumbers. The fucking space-pigs who’d processed her baby, seen that he was a missing child, quietly marked him as found, and locked him up. All without a word to her, to Kay, to anybody. Just, decided that none of them needed to know where he was, that he was alive. There were people she wanted dead, people she was tracking down, and they damn well deserved it for this. But Max…

Max had worked with Kay. Had been witness to his constant searching for any hint of Kevin, not knowing or having reason to suspect that he’d been taken off the missing person registry, had been found. He’d seen Gabe, already traumatized by the kidnappings of his mother and grandmother, running himself ragged trying to ensure no other members of the pack would disappear. He’d watched this for years, until Gabe died on his watch too and Kay finally quit in pain and disgust, without once mentioning that he’d seen him. That he’d had any idea where he was. Not. Once.

It was the last straw. She’d hated him, loathed him before but there’d always been that naïve belief Devin had managed to lodge in her chest that there was a good heart somewhere under all that bullshit. No more. He was nothing but scum- the sort’ve man who roped children into fighting wars, who refused children help for the crime of being related to someone he’d denounced, who’d decided to bring in Harvey of all people to try to talk Kevin down rather than Kay or herself- as if he was trying to rile him up even further.

She’d never liked him, but now she was enforcing a strict ‘punch on sight’ policy.

[softlyfiercely]

so at first i thought the “cash me outside howbow dah” meme was about laughing at how a white person very poorly affected an AAVE dialect in an attempt to seem “badass” and i was okay with that...making a meme out of how an entire group of people treats another culture and their language like a toy or an accessory

but now it seems to be mocking and exploiting a child who clearly has emotional challenges and a family that is very obviously struggling to care for and manage a troubled child

like...can we fucking not? can we stop treating mental illness and the behavioral symptoms of pain as a circus sideshow? can we stop dehumanizing suffering young people? can we stop encouraging shitstains like dr phil to exploit people for our entertainment???

thanks.