#Phimmy Watching Shadowhunters

[takaraphoenix]

Review: 03x17 - Heavenly Fire

On Magnus & Alec:

Holy shit is it an insensitive thing to say that Magnus is “back to his old self” like everything is fine and dandy again... I just... I am baffled at how much Alec fails to read a situation. Magnus is still suffering. He still doesn't have his magic or his immortality again. He lost essential parts of who he is. But sure, he's back to health so he's back to his old self. What Magnus needs is a fucking therapist, not a damn engagement ring and it's really unsettling to see just how busy Alec is playing house in his head instead of seeing just how much Magnus is still suffering and how he could actually use some... help there? Instead of apartment hunting and wedding planning??

“Have you been drinking?” just completely killed me. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU ALEC AND FUCK YOU SHOW. MAGNUS BANE HAS BEEN AN ACTIVE ALCOHOLIC ALL OF SEASON 2. HE HAS BEEN SLIPPING VERY OBVIOUSLY INTO ALCOHOLISM BUT NO ONE CARES.

The most correct quote of this show is Magnus summing himself up as being a “comic relief and drinking” because that is really what they’re doing, huh.

GODS DO I LOVE MAGNUS THIS EPISODE. And I love Harry acting his ass off in this. Because YES all of this. All the things he screams in Alec’s face during their date at the end is just so very right and it needed saying. And Harry plays it so well, the vulnerability, the pain and the anger. Urgh, I loved that scene. And, well, that’s a thing I never thought I’d say about a Ma/ec scene.

But I swear, if next episode Alec still thinks that a proposal is appropriate, someone’s gotta whack him over the head. Because if he doesn’t notice now just how much is wrong with Magnus and that he needs something else entirely, then fuck is Alec a failure as a boyfriend and as a human being.

Also, starting to get tired of just how much Magnus is being isolated from everyone else. Raphael, the man who is like a son to him, got banished by Isabelle without anyone telling Magnus and Magnus reacting to it, then he got arrested by Isabelle without anyone telling Magnus and Magnus reacting to it and now Raphael has been turned into a mundane and I swear, if we don’t get Magnus to fucking interact with Raphael now that they are both mundanes against their will--urgh.

On Jonathan & Clary:

Uhm so... they not only forgot that Jonathan was kinda blonde pre-burns, now they apparently also forgot the burns. Because, to put it into the words of @seb-verlacs, he is one crispy boy. So, why exactly is he... the Phantom of the Opera in this damn flashback? He never had a face. That's the whole point of them having to cast Will Tudor last season because our crispy boy took his face since his own was kinda, well, crispy. And now into a flashback pre-break-out, the only burn Jonathan has is a really very light one on one half of his face? What is this? (And you can't tell me it's because Jonathan is being an unreliable narrator, which he obviously is, because... he is not narrating how him and Lilith looked in this conversation, all Clary gets are the things they talk about. There is no reason aside from “We totally forgot just how burned he was”...)

The question here really is: Do they give even half a shit about this character...?

(But I like how Jace is “the piano playing Jonathan” xD)

Also, fuck, I really do feel bad for Jonathan. That boy's been through literal hell. Honestly, they gotta... gotta stop some?

But also: What the fuck is this retconned in connection between Jonathan and Clary? Why would they have that connection? It makes no sense. They don't share the same supernatural blood, then I would kind of understand a connection. They're not twins either. Jonathan is older than Clary, all they share is their Shadowhunter blood. There is no foundation, not logic and not experiments from Valentine, that justifies this stupid ass bullshit that Clary has had dreams about Jonathan all her life. Fuck “message from the angels”. Why would they. They clearly never cared about anyone. And Clary's powers hadn't even manifested as a small tiny girl. Fuck this.

On Isabelle, Simon & Raphael:

...Undercover Simon, huh? Are... I... Simon? Of all people? You met him, right? Like, he is not the stealthiest. Not to mention just how fucking dangerous this is.

And can we talk for a moment how fucking ridiculous this is? SIMON IS LITERALLY THE FIRST DAYLIGHTER SINCE CAIN FROM THE OLD DAYS. Like not EVERYONE at the Clave by now knows what the only Daylighter in existence looks like!!! Holy shit. This is peak stupidity.

And also: Helen! And Aline! Give me lesbians! All the lesbians! Though holy shit, Helen is really out there asking “What are you talking about?” when there is literal constant screams from torture at the Guard? Like? Are those Seelie ears just pretty but don't work, or what?? I'm really, genuinely tired of them pretending like the foot-soldiers just do not question anything and not notice anything either. This is stupid, it was already stupid with Isabelle and Alec, but that they now introduce Helen who works right there on it, but daaamn...

And Victor Aldertree can go fuck a cactus. Enable her addiction? You STARTED IT. DELIBERATELY. Urgh. I just want to scream into the void at this point.

I'm... so confused about Raphael. I mean, at least they didn't murder him. But still, so much confusion. I mean, let's talk X-Men style here: This is great, if they'd offer it instead of force it – because there sure are Downworlders who would prefer to not be Downworlders anymore. Vampires and werewolves who were attacked against their will.

And we’re going to pretend like Aldertree did it all himself, huh. That Penhallow and everyone else just really did not know anything, huh. That the Clave is still innocent and all, huh. We’re really doing that, are we?

On Jace:

Oh, look. Jace gets to talk to Alec for the second time this season! But only about Ma/ec. Of course. It's not like there are... so many things going on that they could at the very fucking least ALSO talk about. Nope, only a snippet of conversation and that only and fully about Ma/ec. Why do you hate the parabatai bond and the fact that Alec and Jace are closer than brothers?

I am just... so... so... so tired that Jace this season has been nothing but Clary's Boyfriend. There is so much more going on than just her. Yes, she is the main character, no I'm not saying that he shouldn't care about her at all, but the fact that there is no care about him at all is really pissing me off at this point. He's been tortured and abducted and just holy shit how do they brush all of that just off, how do they brush off that he just had to face his abuser again?

Seriously, everyone gets a plotline, but Jace just stands at the sidelines, looking pretty and saying supportive things on the plotlines of Clary and Alec when needed...? This is... bad. This is pathetic. This is the Bad Place, my personal Bad Place.

On Luke & Maia:

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The TL;DR:

Literally everyone deserves better than this show. That's it, really

[takaraphoenix]

Review: 3x15 - To the Night Children

Heidi... was annoying. Honestly, how are there so many older vampires in New York and literally not a single one of them thinks “Mh, been around for a couple decades/centuries. Know that challenging the Clave is not a good idea. Maybe I should remove this fledgling vampire from being in charge?”...? Like? How is this even a thing??

How are all of those more experienced vampires letting this girl play them like this...? I just... damn. That’s such a shallow world-building there.

Honestly love how Maia took care of that one. That was... a damn good scene and also clever. Not to mention, you literally can't charge Maia with anything. All she did was inject water into her own veins. When a vampire attacks her, then that's on them.

I really do like that we learn more about the Institute though! World building! I appreciate it! So they have a large cafeteria. Does that mean they have Shadowhunters who are solely cooks then? I'm genuinely curious about this. Are there more careers than just soldier and politician?

How. Is. Luke. Arrested?? They have been tailing him for a while now. And... they really think he managed to sneak off and slaughter everyone in the restaurant he owns??

There is literally no evidence on Luke doing this? This should not stick and Luke now playing the martyr on it feels and smells a lot like “Well. We have barely been using Luke all of last season and we kinda have no use for him so uh let's shelve him in prison I guess??”, because that's what this show does when it runs out of plotlines for a character. Just write them off. Urgh.

How are Alec and Isabelle so insanely unprofessional though? I mean, seriously, how can Isabelle not keep a poker-face and wear her opinion on Heidi on her sleeve like that? You play them, you don't just flat-out say every single thing you think during an interrogation? And Alec just the same, all the faces he kept making at Isabelle. It's like they have zero training in interrogation.

Someone explain Underhill to me though. He was friendly with Alec this whole time we've known him now? And suddenly he makes snide remarks behind Alec's back? Had they given that like to Raj, who has shown such characteristics before in the show, but this convenient “What actors aside from the main six do we have on scene today? Let's just slap this plot and these lines onto them so we don't have to pay anyone else for being there!” is a serious problem for this show.

Magnus' reaction to Underhill's comment on their relationship was so inappropriate though. Like Alec isn't allowed to have friends and talk to them about their relationship? Honey, have you forgotten that you yourself went on a drinking and dancing spree with Dot when your problems started and she nearly kissed you and you never told Alec about this? So, maybe be a little less judgmental that Alec talks about his personal relationship problems with a friend... regardless of how long he's known that friend. Like, “Underhill is attractive so it bothers me”, uhm “You dated Dot and she tried to kiss you as soon as you opened up to her... and that kinda bothers me” would be a really great comeback if Alec knew about this whole scene...

Jealousy can be cute. When someone is actively hitting on your partner and you get protective, that is cute. When your partner has friends and confides about personal problems in his friends and you act like he shouldn’t do that, then that is not the cute kind of jealousy at all. That is the alarmbells go off in my head kind of jealousy.

Okay, here's a really stupid thing: If I were Jace I would most definitely not just hug Aline and accept her words. Jonathan shapeshifted into Sebastian and played you all. Jonathan literally just shapeshifted into Jace to play them all. A face you know suddenly returns to the Institute without you having been notified about it before? Let's do some check-ups and do that weird stone-thingy that Clary had done to check Sebastian's identity. Actually, let's just... always do that, just to make sure. I would just at this point be way too paranoid to just hug people and share info with them??

Let's put the complete lack of security protocols and caution aside, I like Aline and I'm glad she's back. I mean, I'm generally glad to get more on the characters around the main characters. And a hot, angry sword lesbian is always a great addition to everything, really.

And she is also really very right. Because Clary didn't just beat her up, Clary completely lost control of herself. And y'all gotta be more weary about that. Losing control of your body is kind of a problem on this show and it usually gets female characters killed on this show!

So... a huge plotline this season... is that Isabelle investigates the Clave for torturing Downworlders, but... she still goes and arrests Raphael to hand him over to the Clave? Like, that's a thing that happened, yeah? Really? Because that was the moment where she should have just shouted “RUN” and let him escape this time, because seriously you are literally investigating that they're torturing Downworlders and Raph is a Downworlder. What the fuck.

Also, I need book-readers to reassure me that Jonathan is more than just an incestuously horny little bitch please? Because... honestly... I was kinda looking forward to villain!Jonathan. A layered villain though, due to his history. But... he doesn't... really... villain all that much? He just wants to bang his sister and does his best to get her and literally nothing else? It's a bit... uh... disappointing.

HOLY FUCKING BULLSHIT. Magnus and Alec literally had the conversation about moving in like not a month ago. And Magnus was actually being reasonable that it's way too soon to permanently live together. But of course was Magnus losing his loft literally only happening so they could further the ship, because every single bad thing that happens to Magnus really does only serve the purpose of Ma/ec. What the actual fuck.

Jace just makes me... tired at this point. Honestly, how are these writers getting paid to write? We fanfiction writers would do it better for free! This boy has been through nearly all the traumatic experiences possible at this point. We had him cry about it in the first episode, but then he got his girlfriend back and Suddenly Magically He Was Healed. No more crying, no more breakdowns, no further backlash from his mental illness. There... There is literally nothing I find more disgusting than when writers think that True Love can cure trauma and mental illness. That is not how either of those work, you absolute fuckers. And to then, additionally, use Jace as Clary’s emotional crutch because she has been through “so much”? Fuck you, dudes, just fuck you hard.

If you are too inexperienced a writer to properly deal with the emotional toil that trauma has on characters, then you should just not put them through said trauma. It’s just genuinely offensive at this point toward anyone who’s ever actually suffered in any form, because you’re acting like “Well, get yourself a hot girlfriend! It’ll make everything better *lol*” is an actual solution.

Why can’t you treat trauma with respect? And teach a responsible and respectful way of dealing with it? Instead of just using it for raw, pure shock-value and then just brushing it under the rug and having the characters continue on like nothing ever happened afterward?

The TL;DR of it all:

Thank the gods and Maia for ending the Heidi plotline

Luke Garroway deserves better, what the fuck

Jealousy can be cute. It most definitely is not cute when your boyfriend confides about personal problems to a friend. This was A Bad Ma/ec Episode

Aline is wonderful, I need more of her, please don’t just shelve her again when you don’t know what to do with her

Raphael Santiago deserves better, what the fuck

Jonathan, you little creep

Jace Herondale deserves better, stop putting him through trauma and then not dealing with it but making him deal with other people’s trauma, you asshats

[takaraphoenix]

Review: 3x14 - A Kiss From a Rose

So, @kimmycup and I finished watching that episode!

Let’s a try a different tune and be more positive, because overall there’s such a... tired weariness that settled deep in my bones concerning this show at this point. And that’s actually actively making me sad.

So, let’s talk about the things I liked:

1.) The fact that a stranger Seelie who never met Clary makes a better Clary impersonation than Jonathan can make a Jace impersonation. Like. Boy. Your acting used to be way better. (And yes, this is under “liked” because, honestly, I find Jonathan just straight up hilarious at this point. Boy needs to get his shit together, man.)

No, but seriously - what I liked about it was how fast Clary noticed it. It’s come a time where I once again forgot that I used to actually like Clary at some point. And this was exactly why I liked her! She notices shit! Instead of wasting a whole-ass episode where a character doesn’t notice when someone is impersonating a person they should know really well (*side-eyes Alec real hard here*), she is like nearly instantly “Well that ain’t Jace, huh”. And the trick with the rose to verify was really clever.

I miss them writing Clary as clever. Most of the time they just write her as raging and loud, or insanely horny and stabby. Just... Clary being clever are her best character moments and I like them.

2.) I LOVE SOFT!JACE SOFT!JACE IS MY FAVORITE JACE. Seriously from the cute bedhead, to him again picking something really thoughtful and really romantic to do - I love that romantic!Jace is canon, considering how much he is always reduced to just being a horny playboy by the fandom that apparently never ever saw an episode of the show huh - to him being graceless for a change and falling flat on his ass. Sure, that totally destroyed my headcanon that Jace can ice-skate, but heeey, it’s cute as fuck so I forgive canon.

3.) ISABELLE DOING SCIENCE. Sure, it was only short, but urgh, I love scientist!Izzy. It got so lost in all the romance drama and addiction drama and her... suddenly... also being weapon’s master for whatever reason (y’all still haven’t explained what that shit even meant, aside from you saving on giving another character a speaking role to hand Clary her Super Special Swords). I am still calling bullshit on that entire whole plotline because it is in fact bullshit to act like Izzy and Alec haven’t know all along how the Clave operates, but if it gets Isabelle back to actually doing something productive and showing off her skills instead of just... suffering in some form? I’m all here for that.

4.) Magnus actually opening up to Alec. Y’all know that my biggest complaint about canon!Ma/ec is that they don’t communicate and would literally rather bite off their own tongues than share personal stuff with each other. I like that so far in this half-season, they have... actually been talking about their feelings. It’s low-key pathetic that you gotta praise the very baseline of what a healthy relationship is, but here we are.

Seriously though, the feeling that was conveyed, how Harry played the scene, how much Magnus’ loss stood in the forefront there.

Things I didn’t like:

1.) I don’t trust this show enough to not bring Jordan and Maia back together. Yes, I did like that they talked shit out and had a good, surprisingly long scene together (instead of the usual incredibly rushed quick moments of Actual Talking before they dive right back into drama and action), but this show... I mean, come on, they chose a shared bite that brought Izzy back into addiction to open up the S/izzy, so if you really put it past them to bring Jordan and Maia back together only based on them having One Good Conversation, you do not know this show well.

So, yeah, that’s what I’m currently wearily expecting them to do, because they have given Bat a full screentime of 5 minutes so far on this show so I am somehow not thinking Ba/ia is gonna be endgame.

2.a) That whole Lorenzo story, start to finish, is literally just forced additional drama. And I do mean from start. Seriously, what reasoning goes behind “We need a new High Warlock of New York... so let’s take this outsider instead of a proper representative of our community like, say, Catarina Loss”. But no, we couldn’t have Cat do it and it not being dramatic. We needed a secondary antagonist so let’s put an OC in here. And like, yeah, I like Lorenzo alright, in the role he is in, but it’s also rather... unnecessary. Like, there’s already enough going on and Magnus is honestly already suffering enough without additionally getting kicked while he’s on the ground??

2.b) Also I am willing to bet money that the whole entire story-point of Magnus losing his loft is so Ma/ec can find ~a place of their own~ and move in early after all. Because seriously literally every single loss and suffering Magnus has endured in this show had the sole purpose of furthering the ship. I’d like for him to be, you know, treated as his own person?

Also, high-key Alec threatening Lorenzo over the very fair deal that Lorenzo made with Magnus, regardless of how petty it was, was... Not Good. This is exactly part of the point I keep making why the “OH NO the Clave is torturing Downworlders! We would have never expected uwu” is absolute bullshit for Alec and Isabelle. Because treating Downworlders as inferior is literally how they were raised. And this little display of “I can strip you off your power for upsetting my boyfriend because I’m a Shadowhunter” was very much an act of “I am the superior species” and that’s... uh. Yeah.

2.c) What also bothers me is the magic though. I mean this was like... borrowed magic? From Lorenzo. So, does it wear off? Is this going to be like another addiction plotline where Magnus pulls a Willow Rosenberg and goes for regular magic-fixes because he needs more whenever it wears off?? Because I can’t imagine that “a higher demon took all of my magic in a deal” can literally be resolved by a 2 second, non-draining magic transfer from the High Warlock? Like, Lorenzo wasn’t even outta breath? It can’t have been that easy.

3.) Filing. Okay, hear me out on this one. Literally everything in the Institute is incredibly high tech - all their fancy screens and scans, their database of warlocks, security system, the whole 3D projection of the city they can pull up. There is just no way that they have not digitalized all those old tomes and couldn’t just cross-referrence “Morning Star Sword” in some database. No way in fucking hell.

This is part where the whole world building doesn’t seem fully thought through again. They have all of those heavy, old books in their library. They would have digitalized those. They would have created Institute-wide networks to cross-referrence instead of solely relying on heavy old books in libraries that you gotta comb in person to find shit.

Not in a world where “A Shadowhunter in Paris has just reported a Stele missing” reaches the New York Institute in five nanoseconds. They’re more organized than that and they have shown to be more digitalized than that.

Sure, they’d still have the libraries for aesthetic reasons, but they sure as shit would have used spells or something, or even the Silent Brothers who apparently have enough free time to illustrate Paradise Lost, to digitalize their books.

4.) Luke. Luke getting stalked by those cops for? What? Reason?? Seriously, what charges do they have. It’s not like 0llie died, she was apparently transferred so she could have easily cleared Luke of whatever he was accused of when she had disappeared. There is... literally no legal reason why he is still suspended and why they would have cops trailing him? And then he just... immediately gets arrested. You really think that in the what, ten minutes that you had lost sight of Luke since you stalked him at the café, he had enough time to slaughter all those people. What the fuck, man.

[takaraphoenix]

Review: 3x16 - Stay With Me

How are all of Clary's plans somehow always complete and utter bullshit?? She is not stupid, but every single time you ask her to figure out a solution for something, she comes up with the worst possible idea. It's... kind of amazing. “Hey, let's summon Lilith. You know, the woman who made you kill your grandmother and all those innocent mundies!”...

I've been really tired of the way they ignore Jace – and Jace's trauma – this half-season but honestly, this episode just takes the cake. “Sure, let's face the woman who did all of this to you and let's not give you any reaction to that at all”... Fuck you. Fuck you so hard. It's now all about Clary, huh, Jace is really just her prop now. Let him deal with shit too instead of acting like he should just go and support Clary through hers! Last half-season was doing so well at letting Dom emote and having Jace react to traumatic things and show how much they affect him. This half-season just has not even half a fuck to give about Jace as a character. Congratulations, you are now officially demoted to only being half of C/ace.

On that note: I have grown tired of Clary's special runes. They're the singularly laziest deus ex machina I have ever seen in any medium. She can literally just do whatever she needs to do. If there is a hard task, something they couldn't do – oh, never mind, Clary will just get a super special convenient rune that does exactly the thing they need to do at the moment! No need to actually come up with a proper solution to the problem!

Gods, I love Catarina. I love Catarina a lot. I wish we would get more Catarina. But her telling Alec to calm the fuck down – because he is not just Magnus' boyfriend, he is also the head of the Institute and can't just go and threaten the High Warlock of Brooklyn.

Oh look, Meliorn. Another character I wish we would be seeing more often. Seriously, he is not a “character”, he is literally just “we need a Seelie with a speaking role”... like... damn.

It is insanely creepy that the queen, who has been a little child for most her run now, immediately slips into “age-appropriate hot adult woman” when Jonathan comes around. Like, seriously. If they would have had her just change shape before, as in not having the kid in this half-season at all, it would have been far less creepy. Because all I can now think of is the little girl who played her last. This is weird. On multiple levels, honestly.

Luke too deserves better. And while they pretend that he is a main character, let's be really real he has never actually been a main character. He was always at the sidelines, none of his plotlines were ever fully developed. And now he's just... in prison. I thought the praetor was a good thing but that hella shady deal in the end was more of a “Hnnng. What shady shit are they going to be?”...

“Maia is where she should be, with Jordan at the praetor”... how did you think that was in any way or shape a good sentence for Simon to say? Like, at all?? I mean, seriously, not even two weeks ago Simon was ready to tear Jordan apart for what had gone down between Maia and Jordan and then Maia left because of Jordan and now suddenly Simon thinks that being with the guy who put her through so much pain is exactly where she should be...? Were the writers thinking at all...?

And oh, Simon - “It wasn't easy” - what about the mark-removal wasn't easy? It literally took five fucking minutes and the only special thing you needed was the stone that Cain had given to you. And then some additional blood. Seriously, even if Izzy hadn't been there in person, getting a bag of Shadowhunter blood would not have been hard. Removing the mark had been remarkably easy.

Also, on that note: I absolutely love how addiction only sets in when it's convenient to the story. When they needed to make Isabelle suffer. Simon feeding on Jace? Not any kind of effect on either of them. Simon feeding on Isabelle? Gave her the munchies but somehow didn't throw her right back into it – which it should have. For all intends and purposes. She had been sober for like three weeks at this point. Not even a whole month. An addict who gets a shot again after such a short time of sobriety wouldn't just brush that off as easily as Isabelle. But right now, the addiction plotline is not convenient for the story so they are just not going to do it. And just, overall: Fuck you.

Jonathan is such a poor fucking bastard. I mean, seriously. His biological mother was ready to instant-murder him without getting to know him (even though she aimed her arrows at the wrong JC), his father abused him for ten years and then literally tossed him to hell and his other mother burned his skin off and did who knows what to him down there.

Wow. You so dramatic, Shadowhunters. Better ways to restrain Jonathan: Tie him to a bed. Not hang him from the ceiling like a fucking puppet. What the actual fuck. How does he eat, drink and go to the toilet like that? How is this practical? It's really just dramatic.

The TL;DR of it all:

Clary, stop coming up with bullshit plans

LET JACE DEAL WITH HIS TRAUMA YOU ABSOLUTE ASSHATS

give justice to characters beside the main six, like, seriously

actually also give justice to the main characters. Simon and Isabelle and their plotlines are just pushed aside so much. “Removed the mark of Cain in five minutes flat!” - “Did not relapse even for a little while after Si fed on me!”

I'm really, really tired, ya know

[takaraphoenix]

Review: 03x13 Beati Bellicosi

So @kimmycup and I finished the episode!

Let’s start with the wolves and vampires - and my favorite line of this episode:

Wolves don’t just attack without a cause. Not in New York.

Bitch, that is the opposite of the New York pack. They literally do that. They do that. Bat Velasquez is one of the living breathing proofs for that because he got attacked and turned without a cause and consent by members of the New York pack. They went and attacked Simon while he was peacefully living on their territory, without any cause just because they were bothered by his presence. Maia tried to fucking murder Jace the first time she met him just because he didn’t have time to help her in that instance and, without actual hard proof, she assumed he murdered Gretel so let’s attack him without legitimate cause. Maia, again, also tried to straight-up murder Clary so she wouldn’t be able to activate the Soul Sword in season 2. Attacking without a cause is the New York pack’s MO, literally.

How do multiple praetors fail to catch one newbie vampire? She is not very trained, she is all alone, how did those trained praetors, not even just normal wolves, not manage to capture that bitch yet? How is that a thing? What even are praetors because they sure as shit seem rather useless. I thought they were a specially trained force. But they, in a group, can’t even take down one vampire, huh.

And then Griffin thinks it’s legitimate to slaughter the pack... because the praetors accused them of hiding Heidi, which honestly while wrong in that moment was right in the next when Heidi was welcomed back in and was also right in the scene before Jordan arrived when Heidi was in the Hotel and talking to Griffin already. Not to mention the whole fact that Raphael turned her without telling anyone and kept her hidden in the basement so like... not believing the New York clan about anything involving Heidi is really not much of a “You don’t trust us because we are vampires!” issue, you do not get to play the racist card there because you, your clan, literally did all of that not even a month ago. And it by no means justifies slaughtering nearly the entire damn pack.

I mean, yes, it was in fact not “good authority” that brought Jordan to the hotel. Like, boy needs to fact check shit, but it still stands that Heidi had been there prior to it and after and that the New York clan hiding Heidi in the basement is literally how this whole shit-show started so Griffin’s gotta get off his high horse.

Now let’s talk about family.

One aspect of the addiction plotline that I hated was how Alec so irrationally got angry with Magnus for not immediately telling him Isabelle was addicted... but no one even thought about telling Jace, who supposedly is also her brother, until the whole thing was already over. And we’re going to do this again, huh? We’re going to do this Alec and Izzy style again and not tell Jace until it’s over.

Same for the whole Downworlders getting tortured part - I mean, I still stand by how Izzy’s reaction to this is fucking ridiculous because this is not news. Like, yes Downworlders getting tortured is bad and shouldn’t happen, but they already know this happens. This isn’t news? So why you acting all high and mighty and morally superior? And like “this isn’t how [Maryse] raised us” - bitch, it is. It is exactly how she raised you because it is how y’all have been doing business from the get-go. You, dearest Alec, literally had an outfall with Izzy over Meliorn being taken in to be tortured in season 1. That was kind of a big deal, so don’t act like this was never the case.

Look, you can have character development and growth. You can have Alec and Isabelle growing as characters and now being against torture. But you don’t get to sell them as completely oblivious idiots who didn’t know this has been going on the whole time, that’s bullshit.

Now, the Lightwood family is not the only one I take issue with.

How do we not get any Luke and Clary bonding at all? This show so desperately tries to sell Luke as Clary’s father figure, but let’s take a step back from how much we want that and look at the actual canon facts. Luke didn’t take Clary in after her mom died; she lived with strangers at the Institute. Luke wasn’t there to mourn Jocelyn with Clary, he went on a run to mourn alone. We never got any shared mourning between Clary and Jocelyn. And now? Now that she is back from the dead? He doesn’t even spend one single day just... being with his daughter? To, I don’t know, be there for her, catch up with each other? Instead he goes and investigates with... Maryse. This could have been a good bonding moment for Luke and Clary. They could have investigated the Morning Star sword together, as father and daughter.

But the show oh-so desperately had to sell its ships. So let’s talk about ships.

It’s not even been two months since Jocelyn died. Not even two months. The woman Luke has loved for two decades. Dead for approximately like six weeks. But... he’s kissing Maryse, a woman he supposedly had bad blood and history with through the Circle and the treatment after the Circle ended. But sure, the exactly three (3) interactions they had since Maryse was deruned totally qualify for Luke moving on from the woman he loved for two decades to... her, of all people. I’m not saying you gotta be a mourning widower for the rest of your life, but two months are a pathetic mourning period if you loved someone for this long and it is majorly cringeworthy that they are forcing romance to happen there, instead of spending Luke’s screentime on the above mentioned potential bonding with his daughter. This is a ridiculous decision, writing-wise.

Maia and Simon acting like they had some epic, all rules defying romance is ridiculous. They were dating for literally three weeks. Literally three weeks. That’s... most people wouldn’t even define that as a relationship. Look. I liked them, I actually did like Maia and Simon together so this isn’t meant as “I hate this ship, it ain’t epic!!!”, but as “You really can not define a two weeks relationship as epic”. Because, quite frankly, you didn’t manage to defy the stereotype that a wolf and a vampire can’t date - because in the end, the wolf chose her pack over her vampire boyfriend so like... What you said made no sense, is my point. And it’s also so insanely forced. I mean, this breakup has been coming for the past two episodes now and them now going “Maia needs to put the pack first so she breaks up with Simon so we can finally make S*zzy happen1!!” is... once again, a ridiculous decision.

I genuinely don’t even wanna talk about Jace and Clary. It’s been less than two weeks that they’re together. Jace has expressed how he wants to take it slow. But sure. Let’s have sex right now, once again without anything emotional tying them together. They will never bother with writing this as an actual relationship, will they? Like? There is no interest in their emotional state of mind, no concern “So, Jace, now that I just returned, how are you doing post possession?”, nope it’s immediately “Can we fuck now?” and they do. How is beyond me though. Like, how can Clary legit be horny enough that “So I’m emotionally linked to my brother. Let’s fuck and give him a good orgasm then, huh” isn’t enough to put her off?? This is just... insanity.

Other random observations:

I feel like what best summarizes this season, if not the entire show, is the fact that Simon literally just met a Biblical figure who is very much alive, and it is just legitimately used as a throwaway line. Like. That’s the pacing and cramming of this series. We have so much going on that we can’t even take five minutes to have this Jewish character sit down and digest that he met the Cain and to like deal with that and his faith. No, it’s just one throwaway line that that’s a thing that happened and then we gotta move on.

So Silent Brothers illustrate novels now, huh. That’s a thing Silent Brothers do now, yeah. I mean, if this were... like... an actual copy of a Bible or something. But Paradise Lost is just... it’s a story. Sure, sure, sure, we treat it as A Real Thing, apparently, but it’s still just a book. And the Silent Brothers just... illustrate those now. With enough accuracy that you can make out the super rare rune that binds Lucy and Mike, yeah? That’s a thing. Of course. Because they were “special seer Silent Brothers”, so we’re... implying they actually witnessed this fight between Lucy and Mike and got a good enough look at their bare shoulders to illustrate the rune, yeah? That’s what we’re going with, huh?

Also, hot damn. They are doubling down hard on the “metaphor” - I don’t think you can, in good faith, call it a metaphor anymore because those always do need a little translating. They literally called Jonathan Morgenstern and made him the demon-blooded one. While Clary is the super pure mega special angelic angel girl. And now they share the runes of Lucifer, aka the actual Morgenstern/Morning Star, and Michael, the super mega special angel. That ain’t even a metaphor anymore.

Do Shadowhunter doctors even exist? When Jace nearly died, well one of those times anyway, he got healed by Clary, aka the most untrained Shadowhunter at the time. When Izzy was badly injured and wanted to go to the Iron Sisters, she did not go to any actual doctor in the Institute, she got her special vamp-drugs directly from the head of the Instistute and did not ask any doctors for second opinion either. Clary, in her infinitey stupidity, decides to just go with it and try to derune that magic special rune that the mother of all demons put on her, and it’s not done by a specialist with training, it’s just done by Jace. Do they have anyone with special medical training anywhere in that Institute, is what I’m asking.

I don’t know. I’m just so tired at this point.

TL;DR:

This show is 100% driven by ships. Characters make decisions only based on what ship the show really needs to sell, be that Luke suddenly asking Maryse for help instead of bonding with his daughter, or Clary and Jace just randomly having sex despite all the trauma Jace has been through since the last time he said he isn’t ready yet and wants to take things slow, or how Maia breaks up with Simon so the show can make S*zzy happen. It’s insane. Please stop being horny, show-writers, I beg you

Wolves are dumb. There is no other way to phrase that

Vampires though? Also not the brightest. How do you let Heidi manipulate you like that, Griffin? Raphael needs to come back

Stop pretending like the Lightwood sibling bond is a special thing applied to Alec-Isabelle-Jace if you keep excluding Jace

Silent Brothers like illustrating novels in their free time, who’d have thought

If they try to hit us over the head any harder with the Jonathan MORGENSTERN = Lucifer and Clary = oh so pure good angel metaphor, I’ma get a concussion from it

[takaraphoenix]

3x11: Lost Souls

@kimmycup and I watched the first episode of 3B!

First of all: Fuck Alec.

Like, seriously, fuck him. ALL of 3A was “gotta help Jace, gotta find out why Jace is acting weird, gotta be there for Jace” and now that Jace is saved it’s like “Urgh, get over yourself!”. I don’t know how much time is meant to have past since last episode, but it can’t have been more than a week (Luke’s wall of craziness and Maia returning indicates more than a day has past, but Clary only just woke up and the Clave now comes over so it can’t have been that long either).

He went through massive trauma. And Alec should know that better than anyone else because he was inside Jace’s head. But he has nothing but cold words for his parabatai?

But in the next scene we see him be all warm and soft and understanding and kind toward Magnus, which... Honestly, yeah that’s good because the way he’s been treating Magnus was mainly not good, but how does he not have this kind of warmth and understanding for the parabatai who was tortured and has all the memories of the deaths the Owl has caused? Like how is he so without empathy for Jace all of a sudden? “Sure my parabatai just went through massive trauma that I helped him be freed from but let’s play house with Magnus and Madzie instead of paying attention to Jace and trying to help him. I told him to get over it, that should be enough, right?”... Ooof. (Also, I am, at this point, already burying all my hopes that they’ll let Magnus be his own character beyond just being Alec’s Boyfriend... Like. I can take a hint. I had hoped they’d get their shit together in this final season, but I am clearly too optimistic for my own good.)

And it ain’t even just Alec. Izzy’s reaction of “What are you doing?” is absolutely ridiculous too. Those two know what Jace has been through. How are they acting like Jace should just brush it all off and soldier through it. And how do they all reduce it to Clary. Jace killed his grandmother, with his bare hands, and remembers it, he killed a lot of people there and remembers it. But sure, he lost the girl he knew for three months and that’s the most traumatic part of it all. Yeah. Can we please stop acting like romantic love is the peak of everything?? Humans exist beyond that, you do know that, right?

Anyway, moving on. The apartment.

How does it move?! Last season, when it moved, it cost Lilith a lot of magic and power to move it so Simon and Luke wouldn’t find it. And now that Lilith is gone, it can suddenly just move on its own without Lilith and without efford? Please try to be a bit consistent. Just a little bit.

Honestly, the Morgencest is like the best written part so far. And yeah I’m just not even trying to see that shit platonic. One thing that bothers me though is the way Luke plays Jonathan. Will played him with a lot of confidence (and manic energy), Luke plays him like such a fucking awkward bean. It’s an entirely different characterization.

Also: Why the ever-loving-fuck is Jonathan a redhead? Jonathan is supposed to be blonde. Hence the Jace and Jonathan being mistaken for each other. Are you really, genuinely, telling me that Jocelyn did not notice “Mh, strange this boy who claims to be my son is blonde when I distinctively remember having a ginger” - like I’m not saying hair color is everything considering both Clary and Jocelyn were horribly fake dyed redheads, but... a bit of consistency? Would be nice??

Isabelle is just plain ridiculous this episode though. “WHAT the Clave TORTURES?? *gasp*”... Like... You do know that Jace got tortured at the City of Bones, right? You know that. You know that Raph got tortured by Aldertree too, right? But at the very least you remember those canon moments where the Clave tortured Valentine and Magnus-in-Valentine’s-body and threatened to torture the chipped Downworlders, right? How, after every canon evidence presented in this show, is torturing prisoners in any way of shape a surprise to Isabelle? This is stupid. This is a whole new level of stupid. I assumed they were just so brainwashed by being raised by the Clave that they do not question the methods but now you’re telling me they are legit not seeing what is happening right in front of their eyes? Are you fucking with me?

I’m real mad at how they’re gonna rush into the S/zzy though. Like, you could taste it all over this episode. How Simon kept Maia at arm’s length, how Maia didn’t go with Simon to the sewers in the end and Simon didn’t want her there, how Maia had to go to Izzy to talk to her about what is going on with Simon, literally everything Isabelle said to Maia in that scene. Holy shit, they could have literally just broken Sa/a up right then and there because clearly they really wanna get to that point so they can have S/zzy...

I can already tell that the romantic relationships will continue to be written rushed and underdeveloped. Consider me not surprised.

Luke and his insane conspiracy theory board. I love it. Like. It sounds as idiotic and insane as he makes it look, yet it ~is what happened~. And honestly, having a character call out how bullshit your stuff is does not excuse the bullshit you pulled, guys.

But gods. I low-key love and hate that Luke was the first one to just... ask Jace how he is. The one thing I am looking forward this season is that I will be getting the father-son Luke-Jace bonding that I crave and deserve.

Literally the only good thing about this episode is that they flat-out wrote 0llie off the show and “relocated” her. They are already cramming so much shit in here that it’s convoluted, if they’d still let the obnoxious OC steal screentime from the actual main characters, I’d be real mad.

Also: Who at set-design has that boner for candles?? I mean seriously between Jace’s regular bedroom, that balcony scene with Magnus this episode and that absolutely over the top apartment of Lilith... someone at set-design has a real weird candle-fetish...

TL;DR:

Jace needs a fucking break and therapy and a parabatai who gives a shit

Alec’s characterization is all over the place and I am not fine

Isabelle is a doe-eyed idiot concerning the Clave’s methods and I’m not fine with it

Maia legit deserves better than any of this

please let Magnus be his own character beyond his relationship with Alec this season, even though it does not look that way so far

gimme the Luke-Jace bonding I deserve pls

damn the Morgencest was like the best part so far

[takaraphoenix]

Review: 3x18 - The Beast Within

On the Lewis Siblings:

This might just be the first thing this half-season that makes me genuinely excited and also smile! I love Becky! I love her approach to things, I love that she is there again – this season, in particular, could not give less of a fuck about platonic relationships so like holy shit they remembered non-romantic relationships exist! I love her costume and her asking about a coffin. I love how she just does not give a fuck about the Shadow terminology and just has fun.

Protect Rebecca Lewis 2k19, she deserves it.

Seriously, Becky being introduced to this world, meeting Maia and reacting to everything. That's the joy and excitement that this show was somehow... missing. They could have had this with Simon, if they weren't too busy literally killing him off within the first few episodes already. Just, imagine how much lighter it could have been had he been allowed to stay mundane for a while before turning into a vampire – being exactly what is Becky this episode. The excitement, seeing the bright and amazing things about the Shadow World and thus also setting the tone for the audience who would be introduced to it through those eyes, because it's relatable. Instead we were introduced to it through the eyes of a newly turned vampire and a miserable new Shadowhunter and... that did set a certain tone in season 1 to the way I, as a newbie, was introduced to the world. This episode shows me how it could have been different and I really wish it were, because this is great.

Seriously, I am genuinely living for their interaction this episode, I would have watched a full 44 minutes on Becky meeting various Downworlders and learning stuff!

On Jace:

HE SNARKED. I feel like this is the first time in aaageees that he got to snark. Not to mention, him out with Clary and Isabelle was the absolute perfect opening thing after the Lewis siblings. I love it. This episode actually has me existed from the get-go! I need more Isabelle being a badass, Jace getting to snark. Ye—es.

Also, Jace hating Halloween is going to be a random fact I have to use somehow!

He also gets to talk to Alec again? Seriously, I pathetically love this. No, wait, it's super pathetic that they barely interact anymore. They're PARABATAI. Even if this show forgot. So just... seeing them stand together, talk together, even if they mount both other halves of their ships... It's good.

And they talk. Like, if they were girls I'd say they fail the Bechdel test, but at least they're talking even if all they talk about are their respective ships instead of, you know, their own life because people are actually people outside their relationships. But at least they're talking?

WINGS. WINGS WINGS WINGS WINGS WINGS. JACE WITH WINGS. WHITE BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUS WINGS. DID YOU SEE MY WINGED ANGEL? HE HAD WINGS! HE WAS SO GORGEOUS.

On Maia & Jordan:

Oh she's back! That's nice. But... if they put her with Jordan I will riot. She had such a powerful stance, they made a whole episode that was nearly completely about Maia digesting what happened with Jordan and tell him firmly she will never forgive him. Now they're best friends and clearly flirting and I don't like it. Could you maybe just give Bat actual screen-time with Maia, if you have this urge to ship her off with someone like she can't function as a character without a relationship.

Her making Jordan her Beta is really a bad idea and I like that Jordan is aware of that. I don't... I don't like where they're taking Maia with this. Growth and coming around on how much he changed is good, but it feels a lot like back-peddling on Maia's behalf. And it feels less natural and more like “We haven't developed her endgame love interest enough at this point so we go back to Jordan”.

On Alec & Isabelle:

He... needs to get off his high horse about the way he talks to people when he wants something. First Lorenzo, now Asmodeus. This angry accusatory way when both were bargains that Magnus willingly struck. Maybe try not to accuse them of stealing when they didn't steal anything? They made bargains. Maybe just... come at them with a better deal next time instead of trying to threaten your way out of every fucking situation. It's getting ridiculous. This isn't just some warlock, this is the fucking prince of hell. Why do you think that threatening him and accusing him of stealing will have any effect at all?

Seriously, for someone in a high-ranking, diplomatic position Alexander Lightwood sucks at actually handling anything of diplomatic delicacy with the needed attitude.

It genuinely is getting ridiculous that this is a fully staffed Institute, but in the end it will always be Alec-Jace-Izzy-Clary who do all the shit. Autopsy? Izzy. Weapon distribution? Izzy. Making a serum to severe the bond to Jonathan? Also Izzy. Genius or stand-in character...?

Also! Again, platonic relationship exploration by giving her a moment alone with Alec! (Granted, again, all they talk about is The Romantic Relationship, but oh well.)

On Luke & Clary:

LUKE IS BACK. And Luke is back to support Clary. Oh finally. This episode, they are seriously remembering that there are platonic relationships. Bless you, whoever did this, couldn't you have been around earlier and could you please stay to the end? I want the Clary-Luke bond.

Huh. So Clary is evil now. I really liked that scene where she had to choose a JC. I'm curious to see how evil!Clary will develop. It's going to be good though. Clary and Jonathan as an evil duo is going to be very interesting to watch, damn.

On Magnus & Maryse:

...The same as for Alec and Jace. If he were a woman him and Maryse would fail the Bechdel test, but at the very fucking least it's some platonic relationship exploration somehow. Whatever I may feel on the matter of Maryse, I'm glad they're making an effort to show them interact.

I would have 100% preferred Luke, who went from Shadowhunter to werewolf and had to adjust to that, or Raphael, who is even newer to being a mundane than Magnus, or Catarina, who is his best friend. Seriously there are many good platonic dynamics that keep being hinted at but never fully fleshed out in this fandom. But I gotta stop complaining so much, I guess. A little bit is better than nothing at all, huh.

TL;DR:

Honestly? This is the best episode of this half season so far. I really enjoyed it

They finally remembered there are platonic relationships! I AM LIVING FOR THIS!

Granted, they gotta learn that platonic relationships can interact without talking about romantic relationships, but baby steps so there is that!

[takaraphoenix]

Review: 3x12 - Original Sin

So, @kimmycup and I just watched the new episode of Shadowhunters! And I have a few thoughts!

Biggest take-away from this episode: Magnus really trying to make the nickname “pup” work but it not working with Alec for either of them has my “Magnus calls Jace puppy”-headcanon just solidifying ten times.

In other news:

Simon and Izzy? Too rushed in a downright painful way at this point. Maia being all “Oh no bringing a werewolf to see an old-timey vampire is a bad idea” but... a Shadowhunter... is?? And afterward, to go to the Seelie Realm, they did not think of going and picking up Maia either? Even though Cain himself warned Simon that there is a risk of death?? And I swear if they kickstart S/zzy with an addiction plotline too I will riot. I swear I have zero sympathy for them fucking this ship over. Season 1 set them up so well and then completely ignored literally any interaction between them in all of 2A, just for 2B to then start building up the S/zzy again and for 3A to then discard it again. Just get your shit straight, if you had done a better job throughout the seasons, you wouldn’t have to rush it now.

So Meliorn proposed a threesome to Simon and Izzy and neither of them even felt the need to correct that they’re not dating, huh. Like not even that baseline of flustered “I have a girlfriend! It’s not Izzy”, huh. Not even that. Like. They already sank Sa/a harder than the Titanic, huh.

And let’s just not talk about how the Cain lives in the New York sewers, yeah? Yeah.

Paris. Waste of money. There was like one (1) significant shot of the Eiffel Tower when C/ace kissed but that could have as well been a green-screen, seriously. The café? The main location they filmed? Could have been absolutely everywhere in the world. When they talked about going to Paris to film, I thought they would film inside the Louvre, because art and Clary. But this was potentially the biggest waste of money this show has ever done. Ridiculous.

Also on the note of Paris: The search for Clary. Holy shit was that badly written. Luke and Jace just portaling over to Siberia and... still... finding... footprints... Like, glad it hasn’t snowed once in Siberia since Clary ran out into the snow storm. But okay. Fine. Sure it hasn’t snowed in Siberia since then. What about that Shadowhunter? The one whose Stele was stolen? And he somehow immediately went back to his Institute to report it and that Institute somehow immediately went and reported... one... lost... Stele... to the higher authorities? Do they do that with every Stele that Jace broke too?? And if he lost his Stele and filed a report again how did he manage to catch up to Jonathan and Clary that quickly? That’s just physically impossible.

Here, have a more logical approach with the same elements: While Jon is distracted, Clary writes a note onto a napkin. Clary places the napkin in the Shadowhunter’s pocket to make him contact the New York Institute. I’d buy that.

I am really not buying them reporting one lost Stele like this and I’m also not buying that Shadowhunter to somehow make it all the way to his own Institute, file a report, go all the way back, coincidentally find exactly the store Jon and Clary went and be there in the short time it took Jon and Clary to get there and talk to Mirek.

Also, what was with that “dramatic reveal” scene? French Shadowhunter saying Clary Fairchild is dead and Clary super dramatically unglamouring her hair like Clary is the only ginger Shadowhunter in existence?? What the heck? Do people outside of New York even know that Clary is a redhead? They probably just know “Clarissa Fairchild, daughter of Valentine Morgenstern”, not “is a super extraordinaire ginger who gingers more than any ginger ever gingered before”?? What was that??

I only have one thing to say about that Magnus plotline at this point: He’s not getting his immortality back. No way. They are so 100% going to prioritize Ma/ec’s ““happily ever after”“ over Magnus’ individual identity as a warlock and somehow write Magnus as totally coming around on the whole mortal thing. And I just don’t even have words for it because this show’s treated Magnus as half of Ma/ec from day one and not as his own individual person so like it checks out but also fuck this.

One last thing, because I still can’t let it go: I hate that they just, without any explanation, made Jace love Clary again. Magnus gave up his magic to break the possession. The possession came from Lilith. The possession was its own thing. Jace no longer loving Clary, or having any feelings for her, was a potion that Magnus made and it just gave way for the possession. It was in no way or shape directly linked to the possession. The potion was so strong that Magnus could not break it. Why in the world would Asmodeus go “So we make a deal about breaking the possession but I could also as an extra add that the boy gets his love for this chick back, yeah son?”... It. Makes. No. Sense.