#Plus! ive been fucking exhausted for weeks sleep is doing nothing and i cant! stop! the mirgaines!!!!!

[trash-nerd]

ever been so bored u just wanna

rip you skin off with ur teeth???

[bethanyrob-archive]

Gym Time ll Beth & Ella

Discord thread featuring: Beth and @ella-isms

Mentions: @chxrityx @malakhai-ozera @ellicfm

When: The week after the Throuple Pride Party 

Description: Beth and Ella vent to each other at the gym

Trigger Warnings: mentions of past domestic violence

Ella.

whether she liked it or not, ella spent a lot of time in the gym. a certain body type was required for her profession and she had been keeping up on it for this long, couldn't just stop now. as if spending hours upon hours completing grueling variations in the studio wasn't workout enough? still the ballerina did what was expected of her. once she was changed into her gym clothes, the blonde headed to the gym and was actually, almost on time. ten minutes late. that wasn't so bad. not for ella at least. when she arrived she looked around for her friend and upon spotting her headed in that direction. "hey gorge."

Beth.

Beth was prompt as always, she was eager to start her workout anyway. It was unlike her to sit around all day doing nothing, but Ellie had had some free time lately and Beth was enjoying sitting around the house and spending more time with her little sister. She’d take any opportunity to head to the gym though, and it had been a hot minute since she had a good workout. Beth was in the middle of doing a warm up on the treadmill when she spotted Ella. “Hey!” She said, taking several deep breathes. She stopped the treadmill briefly before pulling Ella into a hug. “Thanks for suggesting this. I needed to get off my ass.” She laughed.

Ella.

with the amount of time she spent at this place they should probably start charging her rent. not that she would ever suggest such a thing. but a good portion of the time she did her workouts alone, so that she could get in the zone but once in  a while it was nice to have company. plus, she and beth could catch up. the blonde returned the hug "sorry im already fucking you all up," she chuckled, hopping onto the treadmill next to her. "you're most welcome. i like to think that im a good motivator," a smirk grew on her lips. "what have you been up to though? i feel like time passes and before i know it its been weeks since ive talked to you. sorry im such a flake."

Beth.

Beth shrugged and started to turn up the speed on the treadmill again. “No worries. I just started. I’m just glad you’re here. I need to know about your life.” She smiled as she started to jog. “The best.” She smiled. “I have been up to literally nothing. Just work. Oh, I got into a fight at the pride party a couple weeks ago. Not my finest moment. I will not be drinking like that again.” She said with a huff. “I’ve just been working though. The long hours make me so exhausted by the end of the day that I just want to go home and sleep.” She shook her head. “You’re not a flake. I’m worse than you. I promise. I’m such a recluse.”

Ella.

ella gradually turned up the speed on her treadmill, mostly to a light jog so that she could get her heart rate up while still talking, "how's work been?" she glanced at her friend. and then her brows raised "a fight? what like a fight fight? or an argument?" ella knew that if she meant an argument that's what she would have said. "a fight with who?! about what? details."

Beth.

“Work has been...well work.” She shrugged. “It’s still entry level. I’d really like to open a private practice one day instead of working in a hospital.” Even though Beth was smart, she still needed to work her way up go totem pole. She didn’t LOVE he job now, but she did love her career and field.  Beth laughed as she found her footing. “Like a fight fight. I don’t know if I ever told you about my old friend Charity? The one I fell out with? I was just way too drunk to handle myself and threw my drink at her...then it escalated from there.” Fighting was so unlike Beth but it really was the only interesting thing that happened to her in a while. “Ellie eventually pulled me off though and threw her own drink at her too. It was a great sister moment.” She chuckled.

Ella.

"Suppose it always is, isn't it?" the blonde asked, lifting her shoulders in a shrug. "you'll get there some day. you know its just having to do the grunt work first. it'll all pay off," she assured her with a smile. "no i dont think you ever did, but you're going to have to now. what happened with the falling out? and was that the reason for the fight? you threw your drink at her? shut up. i cant believe i missed that."

Beth.

The brunette nodded. She took several deep breathes as she started to feel her body aching from the run. Just a little bit longer for the warm up. She hated cardio and much preferred lifting. "it fucking better, eh?" She sighed again. "Well...I don't know if I told you this either but I was kind of in an abusive relationship back in Toronto. It's one of the reasons I came here...it wasn't just to get to know Ellie better." she began. "Basically Charity saw it for what it was almost immediately because she's honestly toxic as fuck...and it takes one to know one...if you know what I mean. Anyway, at the time I just thought she was jealous or something. So we fell out, and had it out at Throuple. But yeah..." she said as a smile appeared across her face. "it felt pretty damn good."

Ella.

“It will, all in due time,” Ella assured her as best as she could. “Oh shit...” she muttered as the story began and then she continued to listen to her friend. The blonde almost lost her footing getting lost in her own head because had some toxic behaviors herself. She shook her head to clear her mind of that, or at least attempt to. “So even though charity pointed it out to you at the time, she’s not really much better?” Regaining proper footing her glanced over “had it out because of what happened in the past? I guess you’re not in great terms now?” She lifted a brow “I bet it did. Have you ever tried boxing?” It was something Ella got into herself.

Beth.

Beth shook her head. "Yeah she's been the cause of a couple toxic relationships before...and I mean I stayed out of it and let her do her thing, and then she came in and tried telling me what to do. At the same, it was mostly him getting into my head about how bad of a friend she was." she sighed. "Maybe I should apologize." she said, looking straight forward. "No." she said, looking back over at her blonde friend. "There's boxing at this gym! Wanna give me a lesson?" she asked, hopefully.

Ella.

Sighing and shaking her head ella could sort of see the situation from both sides. “That seems like kind of a no win situation you know? I’m sure she was just trying to help but sometimes it hard to see that when you’re in it. Is apologizing and being friendly again something that you’re interested in doing?” Both brows raised and she grinned “you have to try it! And yes to both of those things. That’s what we’re doing next.”

Beth.

Beth shook her head. "You're right. We both kind of lost in that situation. It sucks especially considering that she was right about him after all." Beth shrugged. "I'm not sure if I'm interested in being friendly again with her to be honest...but i do feel like I need to get this off of my chest. It's been weighing on me, ya know?" Beth started turning the speed on her treadmill down. She could feel the beads of sweat collecting on her temples and her heart rate beginning to climb. "Consider me warmed up, then. I'm ready for a lesson, sensei."

Ella.

“People can get in your head for all kinds of different reasons. Sometimes it’s a good thing sometimes it’s not so great..” the blonde told her friend with a shrug. “Well maybe just say something along the lines of you’re sorry that things escalated that you didn’t mean for it to and that you hope you can at least be civil. Or something along those lines?” As they both slowed down the blonde grabbed her water bottle for a sip. “Let’s do this” hopping off the treadmill, Ella led Beth across the gym and into the room with the boxing equipment. “This is my second favorite stress reliever,” grabbing the tape she would wrap beths hands before helping her into the gloves. “Let’s see those hooks you know how to throw,” she smirked, grabbing the pads for her own hands to hold up for Beth.

Beth.

Beth smiled lightly to herself and nodded. Talking to Ella about this was therapeutic, and it was something she hadn't really said out loud to many people before. "Thanks, sorry for the word vomit." The brunette nodded. "Yeah, I don't have any interest in being friends really, but that might be a good thing to say. I just have to find a way to swallow my pride and suck it up and do it." Beth stepped off the treadmill and followed the blonde across the gym. "What's your first favorite?" he asked, raising her brow. Beth held her hands out for Ella to wrap them. This was something that was completely out of Beth's comfort zone, but she trusted Ella so she was actually pretty excited about this. Beth shook her head, but couldn't help but laughing at Ella's sarcastic comments. Beth took a deep breath, and eyed the pads on the other's hands. With her right hand, she took a swing and hit the pad - hard. "Oh!" Beth exclaimed. That felt good. She took another swing with her left arm and hit the other pad. "Damn." she mumbled.

Ella.

“No need to apologize, love!” The blonde assured the other girl. “I’m always here if you want to vent you know that.” She was glad that Beth unloaded what was on her mind, it was good to get that stuff off her chest. “Couldn’t hurt to just clear the air and move on from it,” Ella agreed with a nod of her head. Glancing over at the other Ella made a face as if she should already know the answer “orgasms,” she reminded her with a wink and a laugh. After clapping the two pads on her hands together Ella would hold them up, “alright, hit me.” She paused for a moment “well not me, the pads. You know what I mean.” She nodded and let Beth go at it holding the pads with some resistance “damn girl, you’re a hard hitter. Feels good though doesn’t it?”

Beth.

Beth smiled. This was why her friendship with Ella was so great. She was so easy to talk to and knew just what to say. Beth quickly turned her attention to the pads in front of her. It felt fucking great. To say the least. "Fuck, yes." Now she had remembered by she liked the feeling of fighting Charity at the pride party. After several solid swings, she felt herself working up a sweat. "Alright. Your turn. What do you need to vent about?" she asked her blonde friend, as she took a breather and a few sips from her water bottle.

Ella.

Ella was glad that once in a while her words and advice could be heeded because lord knew that she wasn’t great at taking her own advice. “I know running seems like it clears your mind and all, and don’t get me wrong, running is great once in a while but it’s got nothing on actually punching stuff, ya know?” She replied with a chuckle.  The blonde lifted her shoulders in a shrug and then sighed “I slept with my ex and it rekindled all kinds of fucking feelings that I have no idea what to do with.” Ella hated talking about her feelings “that about sums it up.” She hit the two pads together again and attempted to change the subject “go on, have another go” she held them up.

Beth.

Beth nodded. She loved running and the endorphins it gave off when she did. But this...well she may have just found her new favorite stress reliever. "Oh fuck.." Beth raised her brow. She was so taken aback that her stance weaken a little, but she quickly tensed up again so that she could throw another solid punch."Who's your ex? Do I knew him?" she asked curiously. Maybe she was being a little too snoopy but she genuinely wanted to know who this person was. "You wanna take some hits now?" she asked. "Kinda sounds like you need that."

Ella.

Working out was definitely a good stress reliever and Ella was glad that today she had a partner to do it with. “I literally couldn’t help it. It’s like. We’re like...” the blonde was struggling to find the right words, as usual “I don’t know. Like magnets or something , just “ she brought her two hands together in a quick fashion to make her point. “Mal-“ she was quick in correcting herself “Khai.” That’s what everyone else called him. And she was sure Beth probably knew of him it seemed like most people did that was part of why she had such difficultly in the first place. “It’s just complicated,” the dancer sighed. “May as well,” maybe hitting something would relieve whatever these emotions were that she had built up.

Beth.

Beth's jaw kind of dropped a little. It was clear that Ella's life was far more interesting than hers. Making out with exes was something that Beth didn't do frequently...well..making out with anyone was something she didn't do a lot anymore. She had become a bit of recluse since she broke up with her abusive ex. Beth thought for a moment. She had heard his name around but never really met him. "I know of him, but I don't think I've ever actually met him." she reported. "How is it complicated exactly? Tell me all the tea." she joked, as she motioned for her friend to hold out her hands so she can wrap them for her.

Ella.

Ella sighed noticing her friends reaction, she probably would have had a similar one had the tables been turned. “My impulse control has always been shit, but my self control around him is literally non existent,” she explained. “And isn’t that complicated enough in itself?” Part of her was sort of relieved that Beth didn’t know him it meant she didn’t have any preconceived notions of the situation. “We were together for like two years. And we were doing this like, open relationship thing, which was so stupid because we both hated the thought of each other with anyone else. Then he wanted to get married, and proposed, and I totally freaked because.... well for a lot of reasons, and I left.” Ella held her hands out, “and I shouldn’t have. Because now everything’s all fucked up.”

Beth.

Beth laughed as her friend admitted to being weak around her ex. Beth could empathize. She had no idea what she would do if she saw her ex from Toronto in New York. "That's very fair." she mused. Beth shook her head. "Open relationships never work for that reason. My theory is that if you love someone you'd be committed enough to them to sleep with them and only them." she said, wrapping her friend's hands like she did for her. "Jesus, you were engaged? she questioned. She couldn't imagine being engaged at such a young age, then again, she hadn't met anyone she'd be willing to marry like that. "So you broke up with him and regret it I'm gathering?" she asked, putting the pads on her hands.

Ella.

Weak was probably the understatement of the century, but Ella couldn’t think of a more fitting word at the moment. “Yeah you’re right...” she agreed with a nod, what she said about open relationships was completely accurate. “Neither of us really wanted the relationship to be open.. I just.. I don’t know why I went with it. I guess I thought in a way it was protecting myself, like I had a fall back plan keeping someone else waiting in the wings just in case...” it made her sound like such a shitty person and the more she spoke the worst she felt. “I wasn’t engaged ... I just said he proposed... I ... i didn’t say yes.” Closing her eyes briefly she shook her head with a sigh.

Beth.

Beth furrowed her brow. The whole relationship sounded a little strange, then again she didn't have the best track record. "Sounds a little toxic?" she questioned, unsure if she was using the right word. "Good thing you didn't say yes because honestly that could have opened a whole other can of worms." she smiled, sympathetically. "Could've been worse, Ella." she told her. "Have you guys talked since?"

Ella.

Ella was unfortunately acutely aware that she had been the toxic one in the relationship and it wasn’t something she was proud of. “Of it could have ended up being just the two of us happily ever after,” of course it was impossible to be sure about that but she could still assume it might have turned out that way. “Since we slept together? Yeah. We’re still... talking about where to go from here I guess. Taking it slow...” shaking her head she sighed again “and it’s scary as fuck to be honest.”

Beth.

"Maybe..." she trailed off, even though she wasn't too convinced of it herself. But it wasn't her relationships so who was she to judge? She raised her brow, curiously. "Are you still in love with him?" she asked, a mischievous glimmer in her eye.

Ella.

Ella shot her friend a look, she could tell by the way she let her sentence trail off that she didn’t believe that would be the case. Hitting her gloves together the blonde would throw her punches at the pads, not nearly as hard as she would normally, this was all about easing Beth in after all. “Completely,” she admitted with a sigh “I don’t really know how to handle it. Help me!” She laughed.

Beth.

Beth jumped a little when Ella hit the pads, not really expecting that she would have to really hold her stance if Ella wasn't going to knock her on her ass. She tightened up a little, flexing her muscles for a more sold stance. "Girl, I am the last person that should be giving out relationship advice." she admitted with a tiny laugh. "But if I were to give you some advice from the little I know about the situation...It sounds like you can do way better. If the rumors I've heard about Khai is true, then he's got a lot of his own shit he needs to work on."

Ella.

Ella was trying not to go with her usual force but that was also hard to do when there was something on her mind, too. “Clearly I’m not great in relationships either.” She took a few more hits putting more thought into the force behind them this time so it’s wasn’t overbearing “we’ve all got our own shit though don’t we?”

Beth.

"We can get shit at them together then." she admitted, holding her stance for Ella. "Yeah, I guess. But that doesn't mean we need to bare others' as well. Sometimes we gotta just focus on helping ourselves, eh?"

Ella.

“I’m already shit at them!” Ella said with a laugh and a shake of her head. “But isn’t that sort of what you do when you love someone? Take the good with the bad?”

Beth.

Bethany thought about how we're supposed to love the good and the bad about the people you're with. Beth did that. She loved the good and the bad about her ex, and gave him several chances to fix the bad. "Sometimes the good out weighs the bad.." she paused. She didn't want to be a downer on during their gym session. "But ya know...I'm sure Khai was worth it." she mused.

Ella.

“Sometimes it does...” letting out a sigh she could feel her shoulders sinking down some. “I know I probably need to just stop talking about it because I don’t know what will come of it. It’s just like... it consumes my fucking mind, I don’t know what to do.”

Beth.

Beth huffed. "Working out helps." she told her. "I also heard there's a great therapist around here." she suggested. "But you can always talk to me about it, yeah?" she smiled over at her friend.  "How about we get some food? I'm starving."