#Plus my sense of smell always goes crazy like a couple days prior

[teaboot]

When I was a kid one of my moms would call her period "moon time" or "her monthlies" or shit like that and my other mom straight up stealthed it, but when I'm a dad I think I'm gonna go straight down the middle and call it Werewolf Week. Like sorry kids, dad can't roughouse right now, it's Werewolf Week

[aion-rsa]

Bad Trip: Eric Andre Recounts His Wild Experiences On Set

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Note: This interview took place in early 2020, prior to the coronavirus pandemic.

Eric Andre is feeling nostalgic. He wistfully recalls a simpler, but arguably not any less crazy time in his life, as he anticipates the public’s reaction to his upcoming movie, Bad Trip.

“Back in like 2009, I’d dress up like Ronald McDonald and head into a McDonald’s,” Andre tells us about one of the earliest segments for his Adult Swim series. “I’d be drinking booze, crying and smoking cigarettes in there. That was all just with one mic and one camera on me.”

For over a decade, Andre and director Kitao Sakurai have been entrenched in the experimental comedy scene. But the team behind Adult Swim’s The Eric Andre Show has moved from killing time with a bare-bones setup in dingy New York City fast food joints to far higher production values in the feature film world. With those bigger venues come bigger risks, and the potential of infuriating someone not in on the joke. In one harrowing instance, Andre and his Bad Trip co-star Lil Rel Howery had their lives threatened during a confrontation in an Atlanta barbershop.

“It was our second day of shooting [Bad Trip] and this guy pulled a knife on us,” says Andre, with a mix of both joy and concern in his voice. “For this bit, our dicks are caught in a Chinese finger trap. So we’re stretching our junk back and forth. The guy’s like, ‘Oh, hell no!’ He grabbed a knife and chased us out. We could barely run in the thing, and Rel fell down and rolled under a truck. That was terrifying. That was Rel’s second day, not only of filming the movie, but ever doing hidden camera pranks. So he was miserable.” 

There are no limits for Andre; anything goes in the name of comedy. The scope may be wider now, but Andre is still up to his same signature brand of absurdist humor. So enters Bad Trip, an extreme hidden camera film that is also something of a road trip adventure for Andre and Howery, one they’ve been working toward since 2013. In the film, Andre and Howery play two best friends who embark on a cross-country journey of self-discovery. In the process, they subject the unknowing public to radical stunts like faking a prison break (with help from co-star Tiffany Haddish) or menial day jobs that result in gushing blood or embarrassing nudity.  

While Bad Trip feels like a big moment and natural extension of the comedian’s brand, Andre has been an important face in comedy for years. The Eric Andre Show has been a fixture on Adult Swim since 2012 with its much anticipated fifth season finally arriving in October 2020. Andre has also been a bright spot in series like Man Seeking Woman, Don’t Trust The B—- in Apt. 23, and Two Broke Girls. In recent years, he even landed prominent  voice acting roles, appearing in Matt Groening’s Netflix series Disenchantment and Jon Favreau’s The Lion King. 

In many respects, Bad Trip is what Andre’s career has been building toward, as he puts together what could easily be his purest—and craziest—piece of work.

DEN OF GEEK: You’re no stranger to unscripted “man on the street” style stuff, but did you intentionally want to make this bigger or have specific goals since it’s a movie? 

ERIC ANDRE: The weekend Bad Grandpa was coming out, my agent called me and he’s like, “Hey man, this Bad Grandpa movie is testing through the roof. It’s going to make a bunch of money. You do these crazy pranks.” Season two of The Eric Andre Show hadn’t even come out yet, but he’s like, “You should meet up with Jeff Tremaine and you guys should work on something together.” This is how long I’ve been working on this. At that point I barely knew how to slap a television show together, no less a movie.

So me and my team and Jeff and his posse just kept putting our heads together and developing and writing this idea and started going around town pitching it. But after seeing Bad Grandpa we were like, “Holy shit. Hidden camera pranks can work, narratively,” which is groundbreaking. Borat did that too. The only difference between [this and] Borat is that the cameras were part of the conceit because he was a journalist from Kazakhstan. This is hidden camera where the cameras weren’t overt.

In terms of a script, were you guys working off more of an outline, or did you actually have a full script written out? 

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You still need a story that you’re getting across like in any other movie. The actors’ parts were scripted, but it was kind of like an outline in other areas. Obviously we don’t know what the people that we’re pranking are going to say, but once my clothing gets vacuumed off and I’m butt naked at a car wash, we get the idea that the person we’re pranking is going to have an emphatic reaction to that.

We would kind of make guesses based on the severity of the prank on how the person was going to react and sometimes we were wrong and you had to reshoot. You do the prank a few times until you get the result you want and you tweak it each time to yield that result. But it is like an experimental filmmaking process because you just have to shoot way more and you have to hope for the best. You have to get out there and continue talking to the real people until you get the plot points that you want. We’re getting actual exposition from real civilians. That’s what makes the movie so rich.

It would seem that a movie of this nature would have a lot of unused footage when stuff doesn’t go as planned, but that’s interesting to hear that you’d keep filming scenes until you got what you needed.

Every reaction in the movie is 100 percent real. We never ever faked a reaction or asked the person that we’re pranking to say a specific thing. We only use genuine reactions. That was kind of our ethos going into it. Honestly the audience can smell it when it’s fake, you know what I mean? They can sense it and it jeopardizes the rest of the pranks because then they’re like, “Wait, if that’s fake, then is that fake?” Nothing can be scripted.

On The Eric Andre Show you’re usually doing these kinds of pranks by yourself, but here you have Lil Rel Howery with you. Was it nice to have a partner in crime when you were filming this?

Yeah, it was a little like starting over because I’m usually just out there on my own. There are two things that were different from The Eric Andre Show, which is that on The Eric Andre Show I’m just being completely absurd and schizophrenic in public. But for this I had to be more grounded and we needed narrative information out of a random pedestrian on the street. So it was a lot more challenging. This is like an evolution from the performances I was doing in The Eric Andre Show.

And then Rel and I had to figure out our dynamic, not get in the way of each other, plus gel and be believable as this hapless duo. It’s a different feel because you’re going out there and it’s awkward with real people. You’re going out and pissing people off. It’s all to get a rise out of people. It’s intense and it’s dangerous. So, it was like a crash course for Lil Rel, but by the end of it he understood the mechanics of it and how to take people on a ride.

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You’ve gotten to do a lot of voiceover work in animation lately, between The Lion King, Disenchantment, and your upcoming role in Connected. Did you ever expect your career to head in this direction?

Not at all. I always auditioned for this kind of stuff, but I never got it. Then I got an email for a Matt Groening project and I was like, “It’s Matt Groening. He created The Simpsons. I got to audition for this.” I didn’t think I would get it. It was like a Hail Mary pass, and I even did it on my phone. Then they were like, “They want to see you,” so I auditioned again, I got the role, and I kind of broke it all open.

Once you get booked for one cartoon, all these other animation projects are like, “Oh okay, you get it. Let’s get him in there next.” Then I got Lion King and I’ve got a couple of other animated movies on the way. But really, having Matt Groening vouch for you is pretty damn big in the animation community.

I loved what you and Dan Curry did with the KRFT PUNK Special. Was it surreal to see that character get put in the spotlight and how much that universe has expanded?

Yeah, well, there’s nothing more organic than KRFT PUNK. I remember when Dan first pitched the character, in what I think was season three. He pitched it kind of jokingly because it’s such a dumb idea. But we’re in the business of dumb ideas. We’re in the dumb idea industry. It just instantly became a fan favorite and he’s one of the most popular characters from The Eric Andre Show. So, his spin-off was warranted.

Do you think that more KRFT PUNK could happen? Dan Curry was talking about how he wanted to go to Antarctica to do a Flat Earth special.

Yeah, absolutely. We’re expanding our universe in big ways. We’re onwards and upwards.

Bad Trip is available to stream now on Netflix.

The post Bad Trip: Eric Andre Recounts His Wild Experiences On Set appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3tYHCtG

[avidfanficwriter]

I don’t Multi-fic  (Chapter 2)

Chris pine x reader

Rated: M?

Summary: Many years ago you and Chris were in a relationship prior to him becoming the great Chris Pine, the household name that everyone knew. Sadly, as most couples fall victim; it fell apart but recently in an interview, Chris is asked of surprising information that brings his past back to the future.

      Chapter 2: There will never be an explanation for the things we do while we are intoxicated.  

  2002

The next morning you awoke tangled in Chris’ arms and legs, his naked body clinging to yours. The soft snore--breathing if you asked him-- filled the room, doing little to help your headaches. Your body felt weak, every muscle in your body was sore plus the familiar raw feelings between your legs and your thighs, stung as you tried to move. 

Your hand reached out to the direction of the alarm clock, hitting the empty dresser with a thud. You turn and following the cord with your eyes and see the clock is on the floor. face down. You groan, slowly leaning off the bed to pick up the clock. In big bright red numbers it flashes: 12:20. You sigh, letting the clock fall back down to the floor and close your eyes as you rest your head back on the pillow near Chris. Another breathe drops escapes your lungs as panic sets in. 

“Shit.’ You shout, immediately rising up. You nearly fall off of the bed trying to get out, you were late. Late for your first day of work. Chris groans as you stumble around his apartment trying to find your clothes and other belongings. 

Just as you pull your jeans up your legs, Chris roles over; his hair a mess and his chest peeking out from the sheet. “Oh--What are you doing?” Chris mumbles, barely opening his eyes to look at you. 

“I have to go, I’m late.” You say,  walking over to him, slowly leaning down to kiss him on his forehead. 

He grabs your hand, squeezing it gently. “Don’t go. Be late.” 

“It’s my first day, Chris. I’m going to get fired.” 

“Oh, I’ll support you. Shower you with all the gifts you want.” He pulls your arm closer to him, trying to pull you into the bed with him. 

“Cereal box prizes don’t count.” You say smiling.

Chris groans with frustration, “Come on, we didn’t even get to welcome the morning the correct way.” He smiles, leaning into you, kissing you inappropriately. 

“It’s noon, the morning is long from gone.” You whisper against his lips, “Now I have to go beg for my job.”  You arm slides from his hand, unwillingly. You’d give your first born to stay with him, all day wrapped in the blankets and Chris on top of you. Yet duty called. 

The afternoon you begged for your job, promising that you would never be late again and that it was a honest mistake. There wasn’t a line in the book that you didn’t use to convince them to let you keep your job and by god, it worked. The boss allowed you leeway only after the tears fell and a sob story came out. The job wasn’t a big deal, in fact it wasn’t even a job you wanted but money was something you needed. Acting wasn’t exactly working out either, so lack of funds was fulling your desperation for this job. 

You worked a short shift, a few hours, better than nothing you said. When you got off it was like Chris was a mind reader, he called you the second you walked out of the restaurant. 

“Hey gorgeous.” You say, holding the phone to your ear. A smile forming on your face. 

“How was work?” 

“Stressful, I almost got fired.” 

He sighs. “I told you, I would just take care of you.” You can almost see the smirk that is on his face. 

“I’m an independent woman who is capable of taking care of herself.” You say, shocked. Trying to make your voice sound strong. “Occasionally.” 

He laughs, “Alright, are you free for dinner? I’ve got a hook up with some vegan restaurant.” 

“Vegan?” 

“It’s free food, Y/N.” 

You agree, telling him sternly that there will be no alcohol, there cant be a repeat of last night. It needed to be a simple dinner nothing to crazy that would result in another day of being late. 

2016.

Chris remained on the floor, his mind in shock; his eyes dry from refusing to blink. The papers till firmly crinkled in his hand. He resembled a man overcoming shock, the kind you see EMT’s putting a blanket over and handing a oxygen mask too. In the moment, nothing made sense. Most of all, how the information got out. 

He chuckles, nervously, gently rubbing his chin with his opposite hand. 

“Okay.” He says. Chris stands, stepping on the paperwork, ruining it. His mind is running rampage as he struggles to get his brain to work. He bites his bottom lip as he makes his way to the closet, pulling a box off of a shelf, tossing it on the ground near the pile of papers. 

Chris goes through it adding even more papers to the pile, when he comes across a address book. Immediately he turns to the first letter of her name, his eyes starring at the name he hadn’t thought of in years. The name that up until today, he nearly forget about. His eyes fall to the number. 

Chris brings the book to the living room, grabbing the last bottle of beer, breaking it open as he continues to stare at the number. He looks at his phone resting on the table in front of him. 

How would he approach the situation? What would he say? Better yet what would his excuse be? 

--You remember we got married? I never signed the divorce papers were still married. I was drunk, didn’t sign them? 

---That wouldn’t work, he couldn’t just out of the blue decide to call her up and lie. He wasn’t drunk, it was coffee stain on the paper not alcohol. 

Instead her grabs his cell phone, calling the Los Angeles court house, requesting that a copy of divorce and marriage license be sent to him in his name. They inform him that the paperwork would arrive in three-four days unless he came down in person to receive a copy.

Chris waits until tomorrow to do, he’s far to drunk and still unsure of what’s exactly going on to make his way to the court house and come face to face with the truth. Or better yet, how this would affect his future. He passes out on the couch, his carpet stained with beer and address book resting on his chest. The house lingering with the smell of beer, the divorce papers hauntingly resting on the coffee table. 

2002.

It had been a two months since your first day on the job, it was fairly easy and waitress could be, very rarely did you come across rude customers, more than often you were hit on by them. Some even had the audacity to do so when their wife sat right next to them. 

You had decided to go shopping when Chris had ran into you outside your apartment building, immediately taking the four bags of food out of your hand and carrying them for you. 

“Hey, you.” he says, smiling. 

“What are you doing here?” You ask, pushing your hair behind your shoulder. 

“Came to make sure you were okay, I haven’t heard from you in a few days.” He glances at the building, “God knows, what could happen to you here.”

“Would you stop it.” You say, entering the building. “It’s not that bad.”

“Y/N, you live in a building that looks like it houses nothing but world rejects and junkies.” 

You continue your trek up the stairs as Chris continues ranting, disagreeing with why your living here and as usual complaining about the man in 5C who always left his door open and seemed to enjoy walking around in his dirty boxers. 

Chris walks behind you as you enter you apartment, the same apartment that he disapproved of. It wasn’t in a good area of Los Angeles, nor did the building even look like it was up to code. It looked terrible and the owner looked like he had just done time in jail. You toss the mail on the table, annoyed as Chris gently kisses your head before he puts the bags of groceries on the counter. 

‘Do you pay your bills?” Chris asks, sitting at your kitchen table, 

You chuckle, mockingly at him, getting a can of soda out of the fridge. Chris smiles as he continues to go through the letters, bill after bill. He was shocked by how you were even still living in the apartment with the amount of overdue bills you had gathered. 

“They’re gonna turn off your water.” Chris says, tossing a pink letter in your direction. 

You smile, “They did that last night, actually.” You give him a reassuring smile. 

Chris gives you a shocked expression. “How much money do you need?” 

You sigh, leaning on the counter across from him. “I’m okay. I get paid in a few days.” 

“How are you going to take a shower? Or drink water?” 

You smile at him, proudly “That is why I’m glad my parents live in the same city as me.” 

Chris shakes his head with disappointment as he continues to go through the pile of mail. Meanwhile, you start putting the food away, listening to Chris complain about the bills. 

“Are you being sued?” Chris asks, his tone serious. 

“What?” You ask, confused. Nearly dropping the carton of eggs. 

“There a letter from the court house here for you.” Chris’ voice is full of concern as you put the eggs into the fridge not really allowing the news to affect you. 

“What’s it say?” The sound of paper tearing behind you, does nothing to you until Chris speaks. 

“Who’d you marry?” He asks, jokingly. 

“What?” You shout, turning to face him. You are met with a look of confusion on Chris’ face as he continues to read the letter. 

Chris chuckles, “This says it’s a marriage license enclosed.” As you watch his expression change, the smile disappears from his lips and his jaw drops and his eyes open wide full of shock. He stutters, “We got married?” Chris nearly shouts. 

“What?” You ask, chuckling. You believe he’s joking but as you watch his eyes, the humor goes away. You nearly rip the paper in two as you pull it from his hands. It feels like your breathe has been taken away as you stare at the certificate. A legal document claiming that you and Chris were married. 

You chuckle, confused, believing that this was a prank orchestrated by Chris. “Okay, that’s cute. Har, har. I almost believed you.” You smile, gently tossing the paper back at him. 

“I didn’t--I didn’t do this.” He says, holding the paper back towards you. 

There’s a sense of panic that overcomes both of you, Chris trying desperately to form words but nothing is happening. 

“This doesn’t make any sense.” He finally says, rising to his feet. 

“What the hell happened? You ask, confused. Mimicking his earlier expression. 

“I-I--I don’t know.” Chris shakes his head, his mouth hanging open. “the night of your job, when we went out to to celebrate it. This had to happened then.” 

“We weren’t anywhere near a church, we were at the bar all night... weren’t we?” The night was a blur, nothing from the time you made it to ‘Lakeside bar’ to his place registered. You went for drinks and wound up having sex in his apartment that night, the in between was thought to be a normal night of flirting and drinking. 

Instead, you had gotten drunk and apparently gotten married. 

“We have to go...” Chris says, stumbling. He pulls his keys out of his pocket and heads for the front door. 

“Wait--” You shout, trying to stop him from leaving the apartment. “Where are you going?”

“We are going to the courthouse.” He says, tossing your purse towards you before walking out of the door. “We need to figure out what the hell is going on.” 

You sigh, catching your purse before everything falls out, shoving the letter into the bag and quickly following Chris. He’s like a panicked child, running to his car. 

You and Chris arrive at the courthouse, quickly. Chris nearly running people over in his quest to gather an explanation. Once inside is no different, he crashes into people, dragging you behind him until you reach a empty window where a man dressed in a black button up and dark curly hair sits, in front of a computer behind a shield of glass. 

“We need to know if this is real.” Chris says, loudly. His voice echoing through the room. He slams the piece of paper onto the counter, startling the man.

The man, Steven  according to his name tag pinned to his shirt, smiles. “Sir, we are not in the business of sending out fake marriage license. If the envelope was a sealed and the paperwork resembles” he pushes a small piece of paper out towards Chris from underneath the glass. “this, then I can assure it is legitimate.”

You pull the piece of marriage license out of your purse and everything else that came with, comparing the two papers. Immediately your heart sinks. “Thank you.” You say, wrapping your arm around Chris’ and pulling him away from the window. 

“Can you do me a favor?” You ask, making sure Chris stands behind you. Trying to remain calm and collected in your conversation towards the man where as Chris seemed to loose his professional behavior. 

“Yes?” The man asks, confused. Chris stands at your side, rushing his hand through his hair. 

“Can you tell me where this came from?” 

Steven looks at you, giving you a look of disappointment before pressing keys on her keyboard. The clacks echo in your mind as he types, it’s hard to breathe, to even focus. “Alright, it came from the Love Chapel downtown. That’s where the paperwork was sent.” 

“Thank you.” you smile, Steven quickly writes the address to the building on a piece of paper and hands it to you. 

“Okay, time to go to the love chapel.” You say, smiling at Chris. Chris doesn’t match your expression, instead he shares a look of concern. There’s no room for happiness between you two, only concern and the hunt for the truth. 

You two wait a few hours before heading to the ‘Love chapel’ allowing the emotions between you two to calm down. Neither of you say anything, neither of you touch the other, it’s almost like your scared to.  When he begins driving, the silence continues, making the air thick. Hard to breathe. 

Arriving at the chapel, you notice just how cheap it looks, it was a quickie wedding. The night of the celebration, you two must’ve gotten around town. He puts his hand on curve of your back as you two walk in, the lobby is filled with fake flowers and signs promoting marriage even papers posted on the walls asking for jobs. He taps a bell on the counter a few times, starring at you with fear in his eyes. 

A few seconds later, a man dressed in a white suit with golden crystals lined down the pants with a nude colored t-shirt. He resembled a cheap Elvis impersonator. 

‘Welcome to the love chapel where Cupid is here to--Hey you guys!” The man says, happily. A large smile on appears on his face. “how’s the happy couple?” 

“So we were here a few weeks ago?” 

“Yeah! You two were nuts but i think you two may have been the most in love couple i’ve ever seen. It was an honor to marry you.”

“Yeah--about that Elvis--”

“I’m not Elvis lady, I’m Cupid.” Your expression goes blank as you stare wide eyes at him. His voice rises with frustration.  

“I apologize, Cupid.” You say, wide eyed. “About that night did you happen to--”

“Save your stuff? Yes, of course. I was wondering when you guys were going to come get it. I had to send your marriage license to shipped because you guys took off before i could give it to you. Hold on.”  Cupid smiles, tapping the counter before he disappears into the room behind the counter. 

“Wonderful. My first marriage and I get married by a Elvis who claims to be Cupid dude.”

“Relax.” Chris reassures you, gently squeezing your shoulder. 

“Christopher, they sent me a marriage certificate with our names on it, they aren’t in the business of sending these out like holiday cards. Something serious is going on”  You sigh, annoyed, Running your hand through your hair. “Now if Elvis--”

“Cupid.” Chris corrects you, shoving his hands into his pockets. 

You sigh annoyed, “Elvis, cupid; donkey; the Easter bunny either way it was real.” 

Cupid returns seconds later, holding a large manila folder.  p“Here you guys go.” He says, handing the folder to Chris. 

Chris opens the folder, pulling out a photograph of you two as well as a marriage certificate. “Cute, huh?” Cupid asks, shrugging his shoulders. 

You stare at the picture in shock, trying to remember the events leading up to this. “I didn’t even know they had quickie weddings in L.A., i thought all of those were in Vegas.” 

“It’s the turn of the century, sweetheart. Times are changing.” He smiles, completely proud of himself.  He leans on the counter, his bow sliding down his back only adding to the awkwardness of the situation.

“Is this real?” Chris blurts out.

You can’t help but groan with frustration as you walk away from the counter, leaving Chris to continue his conversation. You feel like running away, like you should just start running, no exact area in site just to escape. when your outside, you sit on a bench nearby, your heart racing and the feeling of nausea still claiming you as a victim. 

Chris joins you shortly after, his hands still in his pockets and he stands in front of you, holding the papers. He tilts his head at you, trying to give you a reassuring smile. “It’s real.” 

You groan again, your hands wrap around your stomach. “My fathers going to kill me.” 

Chris sits next to you, gently placing his hand on your thigh. “it cant be that bad.” 

“Yeah, hey, dad remember that guy that i never told you about, in fact the guy that I've been seeing for a little over six months, well we got very drunk and i married him. How about we celebrate christmas together?” 

He nods his head, “When you put it like that.” 

A long silence takes up the space between you two. 

“So, first marriage?” Chris asks, a smile on his face. You turn to look at him, anger consuming your face as you meet his smile. It’s like the tables have changed and laughter overcomes you two. It’s a fit of laughter at everything that’s happened, the stupidity of the situation. 

“Who suggested Elvis?” You finally ask, wiping the tear forming in your left eye. 

“Cupid.” 

“He’s wearing a bedazzled suit, Chris. Isn’t Cupid suppose to wear a diaper?” 

Chris opens his mouth to speak but instead finds himself laughing again. Swiftly, he puts his arm around you, gently pulling you into a hug and kissing the top of your head. 

“It’s going to be okay.” He whispers ever so gently, near your head. “We’ll figure this out.”

2016.

Chris took the morning to sober out, letting his body relax and the headache subside before he headed to the courthouse, his trip mimicked the vent h shared with Y/N. Paranoia, shock and confusion. He arrives at the courthouse and has to take a moment to convince himself to go in. 

He breathes deeply as he approaches the window, “Hello.” he says, giving a polite wave to the woman behind the glass. 

She smiles, quickly putting a paper into a folder. “Hi--Oh my god, you’re Chris pine. i love you in star trek.” She says loudly. 

Chris nods, “Thank you. I have a question for you.” 

“Anything, how can i help you?

She places her hands on the keyboard, “I need to get copies of a marriage certificate and a divorce certificate for a Christopher Whitelaw Pine and Y/m Y/M/N Y/L/N, please.” 

The expression on the woman's face is shock at first before she quickly clears her throat, smiling and begins typing. It doesn’t take long before she pulls up something. 

“Okay, i have a marriage certificate and a file for divorce but no divorce papers.” she says, her fingers clacking away at the keyboard. “Do you want those copies?” 

“Yes.”

“Alright, please go sit over there and i will call you up when these have finished printing.” 

Chris nods, walking over to a small bench siting with his head in his hands.He flicks his fingers, patting his thighs. he doesn’t know what emotions, he should be feeling, he doesn’t even know how he should feel. He’d spent the majority of his life believing he was a single man, dating women when he was never a free. 

“Mr. Pine?” The woman says, loudly. 

Chris rises to his feet, like a child. He’s quick, nearly running to back to her where she hands him the papers. “This is all we have on file. A marriage certificate filed on June 20th, 2002. Then your wife--” She says not realizing the mistake she’s made until Chris face shows a look discomfort. “Mrs. Y/L/N, filed for divorce on February 9th, 2006. Now i couldn’t find any record of the divorce papers ever being refiled to show you two actually got a divorce, i searched in multiple systems. Is this all that you needed?” 

Chris nods, awestruck. He doesn’t say anything, he looks like he’s frozen in a trance. “Thank you.” he finally says in a low voice, gathering the paperwork and retreating to his car. 

He tosses the paper to the passenger seat, slamming his hand on the steering wheel in a fit of rage. Nothing made sense. It was a mess, divorce papers that were never filed, a marriage that never should have happened and now the world would soon realize his mistake.