#Posting this now bc I'm about to have a work meeting and I want sth fun to be waiting for me after hehe

[hajihiko]

A little too real 😢

[doggoboigaugau]

CW: this is a vent post. it actually doesn't really mention anything too upsetting but it's very personal and will be long so I guess some won't want to bear that.

Yall is 'brother issues' a thing lmao bc the guy i've been talking about keeps making me feel that way 😔😔😔😔

OK so the first thing is the reason why i opt for brother issues rather than daddy issues is because i see him as a big brother, not a dad or anything. And i also don't feel anything romantic or sexual towards him, like in the other post, i only feel (and crave) family-like affection from him.

I guess it's partly because i dont have a big brother or an older male cousin, and during my childhood no one really considered me a boy, so i have always been craving to have a cool big brother or an uncle who will treat me as the boy i am and show me simple acts of affection that men often do to their younger male family members, like hugging shoulders, ruffling hair, sth like that...

It's so nice here when i grew up and escaped from that stupid homophobic and transphobic where i spent my whole childhood and secondary school years and studied in a place where i meet people who respect my identity and really see me as a boy. Including him. And it's not common for me to be closer than a mere acquaintance to a man who is older than me (most of my friends are my age or younger), so being with him makes me have feelings. Like i wanna be important to him so fucking bad.

The "he" in the two pics above is a new close friend of mine. We met in a language class where "he" is the student and im the teaching assistance, and tbh "he" brought me to hella places like bars and pubs and stuff where i had one of the newest and most exciting experiences of my life. "He" is also the person who helps me and the guy i have brother issues about to get closer like we're now. But i feel like the only reason why that guy gets closer to me is just because of "him", bc everything we talk about is related to "him" lmao (besides work ofc).

Earlier this evening, the guy called me out to have a talk, and he told me the exactly things i wrote in the pics above. The feelings i had that moment sucked so bad. I feel jealous over one of my best friends for having an older man considering "him" as a younger brother, i feel like a loser for having such a feeling.

I mean he cared for "him" so fucking much that it's so fucking obvious. And given that one of the main reasons we're best friends is because of out similar family background: we all have sth with dads--"his" biological dad left "him" and "his" mom when "he" was a small child while mine passed away kinda early (my dad was a very great man, but bc of his early passing away i kinda felt-- u know what i meant), we both have to try to work to earn money and support ourselves, and we always care for (and sometimes it even reaches 'stressing over') our moms and sisters. So when that guy told me he wants to help and care for my friend as much as he can bc of "his" family background, i just feel jealous so bad, and i hate myself so much for that yk. Watching someone having the things that u'll never have. im supposed to feel happy for my friend for meeting such a great man, and tbh i do, but still i cannot help feeling jealous and i fucking despise myself for that.

I'm not the luckiest person with romantic love (in fact, my love life is just a pile of mess) and i've kinda given up on finding someone who really loves me lmao... and now even this i can't have. I feel like i'll have to take care of myself forever🥲🥲🥲🥲 like having no one to care for you like that guy with my best friend... It's like i'll never have what i wanna have and it's my fucking fate to keep watching other people having what i desire. All my life i've just been standing in a distance and watching people having those of things, having a big brother, having a close-knit friend group, having a healthy romantic love,... fuck it sucks so bad i hate my life lmao

I never plan to grow old 💀👍 like i'll die (kms) as soon as i think my job here on earth in this life is over 💀💀💀

[minastras]

also BARE WITH ME hjdskahsdjak im finally here to leave my thoughts on a match made in heaven jake sim's brain and MINA!!!!

the way jake has been trying to match yn FOR THE LONGEST and been telling heeseung about yn too T_T where is my best friend jake to do that for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee for jayhoon tbh? LOL

About him being “your dream man”, which made you mime throwing up every time Jake said it.

the way i wanted to punch jake myself dhsjakdhsajk he is so funny!!!

The fridge door abruptly slammed shut. “Jin, they said no,” the fridge guy said firmly, subtly positioning himself between you and Hyeongjin.

THIS RIGHT HERE! S T A N D A R D tyvm and the way i cackled at "fridge guy" HAHAHAHAHA

“Oh, in that case, hi. I’m Heeseung. You must be Y/N.”

the way they met and fridge guy is heeseung :3 PRECIOUS

and then heeseung understanding how yn was uncomfortable from the party after that hyeongjin smh AND THEY WERE A MATCH MADE BY JAKE ANYWAYS, went out for a ride and to the diner T_T

and then jake calling later "I LOVE YN" duuuuuude hahahaha the way i can see him panic irl like that and run through the entire house looking yn.

“I barely know what they look like because you show me the shittiest pictures of them. How am I supposed to help you?” Heeseung countered. So it wasn’t just you, then. 

THE PETTINESS HEESEUNG DID HAHAHA I LAUGHED SO HARD LIKE WELL DESERVED, JAKE LMFAO

And the rest of where they continued hanging out T_T heeseung being a gentleman he is, apologizing each time he mentioned the overshares jake did LOL too cute like <3 we love that jake just love his two favorites and wants them together. i cry!!!

He looked up at you with a boyish grin. “Stargazing. Come join me.”

the way i screamed because stargazing A+

“Hello,” he said playfully.

You giggled. “Hi.”

SO. FUCKING. CUTE. Again, i melted.

you're so good at making a situation cute, silly, a bit worrisome for jake lol BUT still good and cute and i T_T i cant wait to read more!

AHHHH TY TY TY FOR WRITING ALL OF THIS !!! this was the first time i posted my writing publicly and your words mean sm to me <333

\i will let u in on a lil secret .. i have a sunghoon + best friend heeseung fic AND a jake + best friend sunghoon fic in the works. can u tell i have a problem (i didn't even realise it until now LMAO but i'm gonna give jay his own fic probably)

FRIDGE GUY YES bc this is exactly the way my inner monologue labels ppl when idk their names

jake is so well-meaning and earnest but let's be fr men do not know how to choose good pictures!!!! also like bro u're so close to both hee and y/n just bring one of them along with u for lunch one day or sth why must they meet at a PARTY !

in my mind y/n knows some embarrassing stuff abt hee too but they're a bit more self-aware than he is aalsjdnalj

AGAIN tysm for your kind words my heart is rly so full rn !!!

[marshmallowprotection]

Hello, maybe you coukd give me some tips. I send you that ask already but it means ght be deleted by tumblr and it was all messy and ugly.

So I have one childhood friend, we used to do everything together till highschool. Often she was my only friend, like now. We slowly started to distance from each other sonce she has a boyfriend. For all those years I did my best to accept him and all, told myself that duh she is not obliged to spent time only with me even in situation when she spent less and less time with me. Sometime I had a bit trouble to fully accept bf because sometime when they argued she was venting to me and I felt like his is hurting her but she refused to break up with him. Boy eas very insecure, no friends and so on and one day around graduating junior hight school she wanted to break up with him but he said something like he is gonna hurt himself if she will, or just drop out the school. So she wanted to wait at least until he graduate, but she waited longer. Then just after we graduated hightschool she broke up with him like she had enought. It was prolly a mistake but after she vent I said one or two things about him concerning past events and I said 'wow finally'. After a while they made up and she said she just missend him. I promissed mtself I will never comment whatever she tell me about them, unless in a good way.

Well... the point is that I am probably jellous, that she doesnt want to spent time with me anymore. Alway if I ask her out I give her to eventually pick the date, if nit today then maybe tomorrow etc y know introvert way :D And im trying to save this friendship? She is not the person busy 24/7, unless maybe when she is in uni or we count playing games as being busy. I play games too sometime.

Sometime it seems like she tries to avoid me and dont want to tell me anything. One day I was talking to her in cafee and she was just fidgeting with her phone. She didnt even like heck the socialmedia, just switching between random (system?) folders on the phone. When I asked abt it why she doesnt listen, she said she wanted to do sth but forgot what. Another time I havent seen her for months and she alway soent holidays 1 month her bf comes to her (he lives abroad already I guess) and I dont want to disturb them of feel like third wheel and the other month she come to him. So like week before she pnanned to go I asked her to go out next day. She said she cant. So asked another day, she answered : but I go to my bf. So I surprised that its that soon and sad I missed the oportunity: oh really? When? She: on Friday me: but its Monday(?)(no answer) so...? She: ught I know ;;; but lately I dont really feel like going anywhere :(

Well... maybe I'm childish but I felt sad.

I'm also jellous that they even celebrate each others bdays altought she never do that bc of religious reasons and I've always respected that.

Once I asked her what is with us, we barely talk for last few years and I feel like she is avoiding me. She had no Idea what I was talking about, she felt like everything was the same.

I was told to not have much hope or expectations toward her bu maybe try to text her or maybe arrange a meeting once in a while and try not to become bitter.

The other one sait that that how adulthood looks like, we become busier with private issues and so on and I may act childish and selfish, but as far as I know except for time she go to uni or to her bf she is not that busy, definitely not that busy not to have time to meet with me more than once in a whole year (or none) when we live ~20min apart by foot. I dont want to be burden to anyone or feel like third wheel so I dunno what to do. I have problem with finding friends, she was my only one friend (?) for years. I dont trust ppl easly

I wanted to do more things together outside since we both used to or still do soent too much time on the computer but well... you know, together is easier.

Since I have to do it on my own maybe you have some ideas? Thats stupid wuestion I guess since you dont know my environment. Jogging and biking wont work I guess since I dont have proper bike. I wanted to plant some flowers but I was afraid I screw everything up since im kida kid who grow up in the bubble and Im not sure how to do basics and nobody wanted to help me and its too late already... Walk is fine but I prefer places far from road and since I'm not supposed to go to the forest that I love I dont have many spots to go.

I am sorry for long post. Any even tiny help would be appreaciated. I hope thats not much of the problem, have a nice day or night :)

-PineconeAnon

I do think that it's time for you to let go of the friendship. I know that's hard to do but people grow apart and that's okay. It's okay. You'll be able to make better relationships and move forward but you have to learn to let go and keep walking forward. It sounds like you're holding onto this friendship because you want to keep going on like it's the past but...

It doesn't work like that. Change happens. It hurts sometimes but it's not a bad thing. You can reflect on this with time and learn how to be able to accept it. You need someone that wants to hang out with you and relax with you. It's not childish to be upset but it's important to see when people just... don't have time for you anymore and feelings change.

It just seems like you both have a fundamental misunderstanding and if you can't talk that through, then it's not working. You can try to talk about it but it seems like it'd be better to just let go. She doesn't think there's something wrong but you do. If you feel stress around her instead of friendship, it's not great.

But, that's up to you, you know? You decide your relationships what you want them to be.

I don't really have great advice for making friends as an adult. I'm not exactly going out and interacting with people. I can suggest finding a new set of friends online by joining Discords and interacting with the fandoms you're in because that's how I've made friends. It's easier to do that if you're anxious about making friends outside.

Try new hobbies. Take a deep breath. If you want to garden, try it out. You're not going to be perfect the first time. It's a learning process at anything and you have to just try. You don't get to live it if you don't try. You have to consider your limits and reflect on what is going to be the easiest thing to try.

It's never too late.

Try to start small and work your way up.

[roominthecastle]

I can't help but think you're being a bit too hard on Eleanor because of ship bias. I mean, why would you called her 'her worst self' and 'selfish' when she's always been one to throw stuff to get in heaven (even with the character development)? But suddenly she's being sappy and depending on someone who isn't Michael and the whole M/E fandom is at her throat. I'm as unconfortable as the next shipper with all the C/E scenes but is it really Eleanor and her characterization that's at fault?

Yes, of course I am biased (to a certain degree). When the show caters to my preferences, I’m more docile and much less likely to nitpick and complain, when it doesn’t and it drops the ball to boot, I get grumpy. So I’m your garden variety fan, basically. But I don’t believe I’m “at Eleanor’s throat”. Her and Chidi being together doesn’t make me uncomfortable bc it’s her and Chidi and not her and Michael (+ I often see things popping up in the C/E dynamic that can have potentially interesting implications for Michael’s development and for M/E, too. Generally speaking, the three of them make up a curious whole for me).

I know the chances of (2-sided) M/E happening are somewhere btw zero and never, so I’m not exactly eyeballing C/E as some kind of obstacle to my personal shipper nirvana, jumping at any chance to “punish” Eleanor for choosing the “wrong” partner. But I do feel uncomfortable with the way the C/E romance is written this season. “They are sidelining my no. 1 dynamic”, while frustrating, is not the reason for this, it’s not why I’m not crazy about Eleanor’s behavior and Chidi’s OOC-ness.

Eleanor + character development always resulted in stuff like her being emotional and vulnerable w/o getting aggressive and demanding, her accepting it when Chidi turned her down w/ dignity despite feeling heartbroken, and her being considerate of others to the point of volunteering to go to the Bad Place to save them. This is where she was a year ago and the year before that at the end of each season. This is not where she is now. I’m not saying being selfish and throwing stuff is not in her character make up or her problem-solving toolbox. Her overcoming these impulses, however, is the very point of her character development (made blindingly obvious last season when she lied about passing the Judge’s test and refused to go through the portal to TGP). What we have (currently! so it can change any time) in S3 is the opposite (see the in-your-face door to TGP that won’t open for her), it’s her completely giving in to these impulses to the point of seriously endangering everyone, meaning that she has, in fact, regressed. I suspect it is a point the show is trying to make but we’ll have to wait and see.

In “Janets”, all Janet asks is that they stay put until she and Michael deal w/ accounting. Eleanor works herself into a state over Chidi not opening up to her on command, putting Janet through hell and almost erasing her friends from existence while her own self is also disintegrating. Despite the serious consequences, this harmful behavior carries right over into the next ep where all Michael asks is that they lay low bc folks in TGP are so rule obsessed, they can send all of them right back to TBP. Eleanor immediately smashes stuff at the door to TGP bc it doesn’t open up for her when she demands it. It’s her bullying of Chidi from the previous ep all over again, only in a vase-meets-door form. Even Chidi has to be all about her now as he magically turns into a grossly idealized version of himself (see in S2 how she rejected a similar “fake Chidi”), spending the entire ep trying to prevent her from blowing up again while the rest of the team is cleaning up the mess in the mail room and Michael is away trying to fix the calculation issue. Despite the crazy-intense circumstances, everybody is trying to do something for somebody else except her - she is still hyper-focused on herself and it stands out to me bc this is a version of her I’ve never seen before and it’s def not the best one.

Again, it’s not because she is w/ Chidi but the issues become especially apparent within that dynamic since the second Michael showed her those memories, she just latched onto Chidi, expecting him to fill the void left by her screwed up upbringing that’s been freshly dredged up thanks to her not-dead mother. They made her lurch from “I’m incapable of love” to “I’m madly in love and nothing else matters”, hand-waving determinism while failing to provide any other reason why these 2 are suddenly together again. They are trying to play it as romantic/funny but it’s not romantic when someone’s whole identity has to be propped up by another person and it’s not funny how that other person has to repress his own identity/issues to be able to do this. It’s a suffocating, unsustainable interplay. Or if it’s meant to be interpreted as “love cures mental illness and erases every character flaw in 5 minutes, so you can finally be the proper romantic partner”, then it’s even worse. You don’t have to be a shipper of another ship or look too deep into this story to see these (imo) legitimate problems (but it helps, yes, since it’s natural to be more critical of sth you’re not emotionally invested in and gloss over stuff to preserve the fun potential when it’s your OTP or sth, I do give you that).

Eleanor having to coerce love and attention out of Chidi will never be cute, either, or proof that those feelings were there all along. People pushed some quotes from WJH into my face about how Chidi calms down bc he finally has what he always wanted - interesting choice of words, btw, given the pin Michael gave Eleanor - but 1) an actor’s opinion will not automatically replace my own (no, not even if it’s Ted’s or some other big fave’s) and 2) how exactly were we supposed to glean that Chidi wanted to be with her so much in this reboot? Was it when he went steady w/ another woman despite Eleanor being an option all along? was it when he refused to give private lessons to her bc he was just too busy? or was it when he - despite witnessing her meltdown - sent her packing bc they already had enough material for his study? For some reason the writers missed every opportunity to build this up properly and make this extremely syrupy display stick, but I’ve already said everything about that in another post.

This whole idea of “he felt this way all along, he just didn’t actually show it, so we can skip actual development” is a lazy, corner-cutting approach which reminds me of the worst kind of fanservice attempts I’ve had the misfortune of experiencing with several of my favorite shows recently. I have very low tolerance for that stuff now bc it never ends well. I did not expect to see this particular brand on this particular show, but here we are, I guess. Or if it’s a case of creative exhaustion/boredom where this billion times rebooted couple is concerned, then maybe it’s time to park them and give a not yet over-explored dynamic some attention instead to keep things fresh and fluid as opposed to stale and forced - again, not an unreasonable request, even if it comes from someone who is invested in another dynamic, given the lack of care that was apparently put into developing C/E this season.

I don’t like not liking things on this show (and it’s not Eleanor I don’t like, it’s the way they deconstructed her in order to write her back into a relationship as if she couldn’t exist w/o it), and I am sorry if I disappointed or offended bc it was not my intention. I hope they flip things or introduce a new angle that will make me re-evaluate. I am always open to that whenever new material arrives and I honestly hope they will make me eat my words soon. I will merrily absorb the suckerpuches. But for now, this is my opinion and “you just don’t like that she is not with your fave” - while a natural factor - is not the main reason why I made my comments.