#Providence after all and I'll forgive it here even though I tend to like a stronger recognition of it

[chidoroki]

182 Days of TPN - Day 159

Chapter 159: "Thank You"

C'mon now, which one of you three idiots asked if this child was in pain? Did y'all not see him get smacked hard across the room a couple chapters ago? The trio is lucky they're all cute so I'll forgive them especially since their smiles are precious.

They are pretty incredible, as one would imagine from a couple fullscore kids, though this kinda makes me wish Ray had a big moment like the other two. Don't get me wrong, I love him and my boy definitely put in a lotta work back at GF, even way before the series began, not to mention all the assistance he provided to Emma & their family after the escape, but destroying the entire demon nobility and making a promise with the demon god are pretty huge, ya know?

To be honest, I thought Sonju was on the verge of snapping here. We've known for about hundred chapters that he still craves human meat and was waiting patiently for his chance to eat it once again and now he's coming to the realization that wish of his won't be fulfilled. Due to his beliefs, he of course wouldn't eat our trio since they aren't wild humans, but just imagining the possibility of him turning on them here would've been kinda exciting to witness. Surely the conflict would be solved by talk-no-jutsu from both Emma & Mujika and I could just feel the tension of having him & Ray pointing their weapons at each other which would be so good since they sorta have that teacher-student relationship yet still respect one another. Norman would kinda be a little clueless in the middle, though definitely fearing for his life since he originally had the intention to kill Sonju & Mujika.

I understand why it would be hard for Sonju to be accepted as the next king, but ya could've still tried, dude. Even if he didn't want the position in the first place, he literally could not have been any worse than Legravalima. She set the bar pretty low.

Pfftt I like how we see Norman react a bit to Mujika's words here. The dude took several fans to create a whole inferno with that extermination plan of his.

I honestly would've been so sad if this was their true last goodbye but thankfully they make a last minute appearance in ch178.

Just let it happen, Sonju. You can't fight a protagonist's affection.

When Emma brings up all the demons she's met over the years and how they take lives to eat just as humans do, she eventually brings up death and I always loved the different reactions we see between Norman and Ray, with the former being far more surprised than the latter to even hear our optimistic sunshine child think about something so depressing, as Norman tends to always see Emma in a positive light. It could also be the short amount off time Norman's seen Emma since their initial reunion back at the paradise hideout so they didn't really get the chance to indulge in their own personal struggles with everything else going on, which could also explain Ray's expression. He seems far more understanding since he's been at Emma's side ever since the escape (minus the three weeks after GP) so it's safe to say he knows her worries firsthand and can even empathize about the similar thoughts, even if we as readers never saw such a conversation happen between them regarding death before. (also really love that group shot of their whole family. a nice attempt to lighten the mood here.)

Okay, now this scene of Emma imagining her death has fascinated me for the longest time. The main reason being because it's uncertain when and where it takes place, but as I had rambled on about three years ago, I still believe this moment happens right after Emma made the promise with the demon god. To give as brief summary of that post as possible, I started off by wondering how Emma seemed relatively fine upon her return from the Seven Walls in ch144, despite learning that she was gonna lose her memories and be separated from her family, even going as far as to say "Oh. That was okay too. I'll tell you later!" when Ray had asked the requirements of the reward. Of course her response is sorta deflecting, but in all fairness, they did have to rush to capital to stop Norman's plan. It's also understandable that she kept the reward a secret to prevent her family from worrying about her, since no matter what they would say, the reward couldn't be refused. Demon god was cunning with his choice and wouldn't change His mind, so Emma had no choice but to accept it, so how was it that our girl, who is known for having such a huge heart of gold, seemed "okay" with the fact that she would lose everything that's so important to her? Well, for one, she's a brilliant actor, as this series has demonstrated several times in the past, so chalk up that quick conversation as another successful performance by her. I think another reason behind her "good' mood is that Emma had already taken time to herself to grieve about her future loses and it's this flashback right where I think that moment of reflection takes place. Once again in ch144, Ray informs Emma (& us) that it's been three hours since he first returned from the Seven Walls, which leads me to believe that Emma gave herself that much time (though probably a bit less, depending on how long the conversation with demon god actually took) thinking over the price of the reward, what would happen to her afterwards, if she could've worded the promise differently to prevent all that, etc. This girl adores her family and would do absolutely anything for them, but to live a life without them has gotta be the worst kind of punishment for her that she'd rather die than to experience it, so she eventually wonders what could be the best possible way to make that happen, if it truly had to, and remembers Sonju & Mujika.

Now, obviously, I could be completely wrong about that panel (& im splitting up these thoughts in half because i know long blocks of text are intimidating), but as I brought up in that same post from 2020, I'm still certain it happens sometime after GP, if her hair in the braid is anything to go by at least. The way she's laying down is also similar to how Ray shows up at paradise hideout once he was kicked out of the Seven Walls, though one could argue why did Emma appear somewhere outside instead of inside the base as well. Maybe she asked demon god to transport her there, I dunno, He works in weird ways. Anyways, another detail to take note of is the full moon, which is kinda important since she & Ray left for the Seven Walls during a full moon, as shown in ch130/131 since the ritual to arrive at the entrance requires one. The only nitpick about the moon however is that Anna mentions in ch144 that it's the afternoon when Emma returns, so it might not have been dark enough to see the moon that clearly in the first place, unless the demon world works differently. Who knows. (& random, but in that old post of mine, i wondered if the kids were in the southern hemisphere due to how moon phases work, but Ray literally confirms in ch5 they're in the northern hemisphere due to the way the sun rises, so just ignore that little bit on nonsense if ya choose to read that original post back.) To this day I'm not entirely sure about when & where that panel of Emma contemplating death happens in the story, but I like holding onto this little headcanon regardless. Also, I didn't mention this in that old post since I only thought of it recently, but the shadows on her neck cover her number, so if this moment does take place after Emma learned the reward, then I say keeping her number hidden is a nice, little foreshadowing moment.

...Anyways, sorry not sorry about all that. I'll keep the rest short, like how Mujika finds Sonju's brief freak out over his lost meat amusing and how discouraged he becomes when she admits she has no idea how to fix their broken demon society situation.

Favorite panel/moment:

I mean.. I would hope my favorite moment was obvious enough with all the nonsense I rambled on about it, but aside from that and Sonju's silly, little breakdown, here's some cheerful kiddos. Look at how happy they are that I'm finally shutting up.

[d3n4sh1aaaa]

October 8th, 2023. 2:26am

i'm currently at work right now, dwelling of the thought of you. Here i am two years later, writing about you once again. As i sat and thought that i have moved on, i'm am here sitting in a hurt place once again. You reached out to me two weeks ago after a whole year. You said you missed me, and would like to see me. You say you're a changed man though, and your person that you're with treats so you well. You're trying to be good and do well by her, but you can't stop thinking about me. I asked you, "why did you keep my number all this time?" you answered; "I knew i was going to need it eventually, i'll never get rid of it. i'll never be able to let you go." I told you that i moved on and i forgive you.. i told you i didn't think it was fair you had to break me, an innocent soul to do better by the next person. Granted, i told you that i knew you'd be better, do better, even if it wasn't with me, as much as i wished it was. You said in a perfect life it would be me and you even till this day, which is very hard to understand. You became apologetic and continued to try to see me. This is getting inappropriate, even for me. You hit me up again, asking to see me. I caved in, expecting plans to form. You went ghost again like you used to when we were together, initially i thought i was going to have a trauma response, But i didn't. I brushed it under the rug. Today i found out that you're expecting and engaged. Wow, everything happened to fast. I thought since i've moved on from you i thought i wouldn't care, good for you yanno? hope you're happy. False. I'm fighting back tears right now. I'm asking myself why? i'm better now, aren't i? i don't care anymore, right? I'm brought back to you and i. How we talked about me being the love of you life, and that you couldn't wait to have children with me because you always said i'd be such an amazing mother, and we'd do so good together. I'm brought back to when i loved you so unconditionally, where i seen nothing but you in my future. How we swore it would be us in the end, now i'm watching you live the life you promised me. I feel so broken all over again. I know i should've took your words in lightly, but when you are so in love with someone everything they say has meaning, no matter what it is. I find myself broken right now because every soul i encounter, i look for you in them. I look for that comfortability you provided and connection we had. All i've found is disappointment or negative characteristics that they share along with you. I sit here in disparity wondering why once again, why couldn't it have been me? why couldn't i be the one you decided you want to do better for? why am i not good enough? did you ever love me as much as you claimed? was i ever yours? i know the answers, and they've left a permanent scar on me that tends to cut open and bleed when i think of you. I find myself having to stich myself up more often than i used too. I just sent you one last text congratulating you, good luck in life, and i hope you're happy. I don't ever want to hear from you ever again in my life. this is the last time i will ever be writing about you. i'm going to let myself hurt and feel, because my next steps will be grow and heal.

I will be happy.

i will be loved

i will be appreciated.

i am wanted, and i'll be wanted by someone forever when the time comes.

i won't miss you anymore, i won't think about you, you will just be a long lost memory of mine.

I promise you that. Goodbye, David.

[valiantarcher]

I have random and assorted thoughts on my Constance Savery reads over the past couple of weeks. I’ve categorised them by work (Magic in My Shoes, “The Waswytch Secret”, The Reb and the Redcoats, The Good Ship Red Lily, and Enemy Brothers) so those who haven’t read all of them have the option to (hopefully easily) scroll past the unread ones if they so desire. I have also put them under the cut due to length.

Magic in My Shoes: I enjoyed Sally as the narrator, and the premise was engaging even with me knowing the secret early in the book. I was a little surprised by the accusations of ill-nourishment and neglect against Aunt Persis, but in retrospect, I appreciate that realism - four growing children are not going to flourish off even generous portions for two of them. Which brings me to my main complaint - Tandy and his unwillingness to see gorging himself was selfish and wrong on many levels. Despite the thin excuse that he had been delicate and sickly at times in the past, I really expected Josset (with Laurence’s support) to put his foot down instead of continuing to baby him (after all, as someone remarked, triplets are all of the same age). Tandy didn’t ruin the story for me, but he made certain parts of it very irritating. I did love the plan involving ten-year-old Laurence becoming a schoolteacher and, when Aunt Persis declared that was nonsense, all the children bring up a moral tale with a six-year-old being so studious that she became a teacher as solid proof.

“The Waswytch Secret”: Given that it was in a collection of ghost stories (well, sort of - most had some sort of haunting element, if only a little, but I’m still not sure why “The Red-Headed League” was included), I wasn’t sure what to expect at first. It was thoroughly Savery, though, and an enjoyable read with an element of mystery. It felt slightly different from her novels, and I think that was due to the choice of one of the younger children as narrator.

Reb and Redcoats: This was a reread and I found it a pretty fun one this time around. Randal’s integration into and relationship with the Darringtons was charming. I couldn’t decide whether Tim Wingate’s inaptitude for stealth and secrecy was more irritating or amusing, but I swung towards the latter by the end, especially given his cheerful nature. My main gripe is that I still feel like the Patty switch was kind of cheating.

The Good Ship Red Lily: I struggled with this one a lot even past (or maybe because of) the tense start. Violet was a horrible child, and I loathed Ingram and disliked Sir Timon. Objectively, of course it’s good that there was reconciliation with Ingram and that he repented and asked forgiveness, but I could not make myself invested in it (though the tiny glimpses we had of it from Michael’s perspective helped a little). I enjoyed Toby as primary character a lot and especially appreciated his resolution to deny the pleasures when he felt accepting them would go against his conscience. I wasn’t very pleased with the treatment of Patience, though - Toby said the others didn’t join him in his denial because they were too young to understand; while that certainly makes sense for the younger ones (and Violet is a category in and of herself), Patience is a year older than him and - although not privy to all the knowledge and trust from their father that Toby is - was Toby’s confidant about plans to escape. She showed a lack of wisdom in following Violet up the chimney, but that could partially have been explained by her caregiving to the younger children. Regardless, especially since all knew about Ingram’s betrayal, I think Patience at least should have been given a reason for not seeing the pleasures as a betrayal of their father instead of being pushed to the side and under the general but false umbrella of “too young to understand”.

Enemy Brothers: Especially after The Good Ship Red Lily, I was afraid this one might not live up to the positive recollection I had of it - but it didn’t disappoint. I very much appreciated that, although Dym was the one who had a special connection with Tony, Tony belonged to the entire family and they to him. I know Tony takes it lightly at the end and chalks it up to their keenness for detective work, but James and Porgy cycling 60 miles after him and the German in the car was no small thing. And, while it bugs me a little bit that Ginger doesn’t recgonise Tony despite the marked resemblance to Dym, I’ll let it go with the idea that he thinks he’s familiar but his brain doesn’t provide the correct context while on ship. I have a new appreciation for Dym. On one hand, of course he is gentle and doesn’t take harm easily from Tony - he’s been searching for Tony for years and so he’s been choosing to love Tony for years. And, on the other, you can tell he still hasn’t forgiven Max’s Mutti for stealing Tony and just how much effort it takes for him to choose to tell Tony to still love her and that he will take him to see her after the war. I also appreciate the honesty that Dym had in discussing England’s past and how they were not always on the side of right but that this time, they were. Also, Dym was a bomber pilot! I don’t know the exact statistics, but this was an incredibly dangerous job. I’m sure it varied some between organizations and aircraft, but if you were on the crew of a US B-17 bomber doing runs, the odds were you would only make it halfway through the 25 runs (I believe that’s right for the year it was published?) you were supposed to before being killed, captured, or severely injured. Even if you beat the odds and made it through all those runs (as some did), you would have had multiple crewmembers who did not and so would not have kept your full crew together (Were there rare exceptions to this, crews who made it all together? I hope so, but I don’t know). At any rate, when Euphemia comments to Dym and his friends to leave croquet until the summer when it was warmer and the way they all looked at each other for a moment as if there was no certainty that summer would come hit hard this time. (Oh, I just found someone noting that the RAF flew night missions and had a higher casualty rate than the US bombers, though it did depend on the year, of course - if they weren’t in the worst year yet, they were heading into it.) And the moment when Tony finds Dym and comes up behind him, nervous and afraid, and whispers “Please, George, I’ve come back” is just wonderful. I think there’s an idea of fear and justice vs. love and mercy, along with the hope that the choice of coming back will make a difference, but I haven’t figured out how to put it into words. I’m actually kind of shocked this book has never been made into a movie or a mini-series, especially when WWII stories have been so popular in somewhat recent years. But perhaps the strong Christian threads have put producers off (...not that that’s stopped others from mangling or removing them from other works).

The Good Ship Red Lily and Enemy Brothers: Enemy Brothers feels like a kind of inverse of The Good Ship Red Lily. Both books deal with children meeting and spending time with family members (and because of kidnapping, no less) and making decisions as to where home is and who true family is, but the role of the family is drastically different. In Red Lily, the dapper uncle is the kidnapper. Ingram tries to act like he is filling the kind, wise, but fun adult role and the children do love him for that. However, he is directly and actively responsible for their kidnapping, for previous imprisonment of their father, and for the current attempt to capture their father. In Enemy Brothers, Dym is ostensibly in the enemy role (being English and responsible for Tony’s “imprisonment” in the White Priory), but his actions are kind, loving, and (mostly) wise. Even when Tony is hating him, he can’t deny there’s a magnetism around Dym that all the children, including him, recognise and respond to. It’s not quite that serious, but I am reminded of the exchange in The Fellowship of the Ring about the enemy’s agents seeming fair but feeling foul, while the good may look foul but feel fair. But where an understanding of Ingram’s true nature leads Toby to separate from him and his grandfather, a deeper understanding of Dym and his true character helps Tony to make the hard but right decision about his home and family. In both cases, repentance and returning bring about reconciliation and restoration, but Ingram is the one repenting in Red Lily, confessing and asking forgiveness of his brother. In Enemy Brothers, Tony is the one who comes back, finally seeking the brother who has sought him for so long. He doesn’t ask for forgiveness from his brother in words and indeed doesn’t need to because his actions speak so loudly of it, but is fully received with love and restored.

[ratsoh-writes]

Ok then...here we go!

Your basic personality traits: ex: laid back, bubbly, playful, organized, stable…

I'm a bit high strung, bubbly, and I like to joke around a lot. My sense of humor is literally everywhere- dark humor, memes, chaotic shenanigans, you name it I'll probably laugh at it. I am prone to being pessimistic and though I love the idea of being organized and productive, I always end up displaying an alarming lack of discipline. I admit I'm not that stable.. I'm a little reckless. I'm passionate about the things I care about. I use pet names with everyone. Friends. Family. If I know you I'm calling you hon or dear or love or darling, deal with it.

Some of your strengths

I'm easygoing and forgiving, and I believe that anyone can be their best if they try. I'm very perseverant- once I set my mind to something, I'll stick to it and work hard and consistently. I do my best to be kind and understanding, and I have a lot of patience.

Some of your weaknesses

I am a little bit cowardly and can let my fear paralyze me at times. I run my mouth without thinking sometimes so I can say things I don't mean. I overthink a lot and can get really anxious if things aren't clear, and I'm not very good at understanding social signals. Clarity is key- though I'm always up for teasing~

Likes and dislikes/hobbies

I love making art, writing fiction and poetry, and learning/researching the sciences. I embroider ocassionaly. I practice tae kwon do. Medical, biological, astronomy, engineering... I love understanding the world. I read A LOT. If I had the money I'd turn my home into a library.

Any deal breakers in a relationship

I don't mind secrets, as long as communication is clear. If you tell me your not ready, I won't push, but if you refuse to speak at all and provide no reasoning, I'll work myself up and get really really anxious. I also don't like people who are unnecessarily cruel, selfish, or harsh- the world is mean enough, why add to it? I need a lot physical affection too, I'm a hugger but only with people I know.

Physical description is ok, but I only use it in the case of a tie breaker. The guys prefer soul over the looks

I have mid length black hair, brown eyes, olive skin, average build and am 5'1. If you didn't catch it, my soul trait (after like 100 undertale quizzes) is perseverance.

I'm interested to see what you come up with, ratsoh dear!

-wisteria

Hmm, you’re pretty well rounded so I say about three guys you could’ve worked fine with. After a bit more thought it came down to whether you’d prefer the fun option, the safe option or the risky option. I decided on the fun guy from what I know about you outside the description

Annnnyways i match you with….. drumroll please…

Charm!! (Underlust sans)

Alright hear me out! You’re a very numerous person, and your sense of humor is pretty well rounded. Charm is a total tease, doesn’t mind being the butt of a joke, and can definitely handle chaos. You two would get along really well for all those little moments just chilling together

He’s a good match for your dealbreakers. Once in a relationship, charm is pretty open about how he’s feeling. He’s never done commitment before and he wants to get it right. It also helps that sugar is giving advice from the sidelines lol. You’ll just have to expect relationship milestones like meeting the parents or moving in together and such to take a while. Charm wants to take it slow. Well slow in every area except physically of course ;)

Unfortunately for you two, charm also tends to run his mouth. Together you two can draw in some serious trouble lol. Hopefully y’all have a protective buddy around to get you out of the jam

With how many pet names you two use, it’ll probably be rare to even hear your actual name from his mouth lol. Charm only uses your real name when he’s being serious, or about to say something genuinely romantic

Good thing you like physical affection. Charm is a cuddly one. When he isn’t trying to get in your pants lol, he’s usually on your lap, holding your hand, head testing on your shoulder. Whatever you let him get away with

I noticed you had some interest in science, specifically biology? Charm doesn’t advertise it, but he used to be the head scientist for his underground and is part of the top ten smartest of the skeletons. He’ll understand all of your rambling about that subject and will actually share some fun facts you never knew