#SARA IS THE BEST EVER AND TODAY SHOULD BE A NATIONAL HOLIDAY

[nevertobeships]

Second Chances

After meeting and falling in love with one another in Metropolis during Lex's trial two years ago, Supergirl and Lena must confront their feelings for one another now that they are back in the same city. Supergirl must let Lena meet her human side if they stand a chance of creating a successful relationship but is unsure if Kara Danvers is good enough for Lena. Read here on Ao3 or below.

This was created for and is dedicated to one of the most awesome people in the world, the real life Wonder Woman, and MY hero @saravvocata! I hope you have the best birthday ever <3

Also shout out, as always, to my write or die, @stennnn06 for the title since I suck at making them and reading this through before hand.

The steel in her hand feels warm and comfortable. She has prepared for this moment, not ever really knowing if it would come. And yet, here it is. Surprisingly her mind is clear, sharp and in focus. She takes a breath, everything moving in slow motion now, and pulls the trigger. She has practiced this over and over. The only difference is that her target has a beating heart this time. The two shots leave the barrel in quick succession and she finds it curious that she feels nothing. Not even fear.

The rebel collapses to his knees and then slumps to the ground with a hard thud. The FBI agent he had been about to execute spins, looking for her hero. When her eyes meet Lena’s they are filled with surprise and, to Lena’s pride, awe.

Before the agent can mutter a word of gratitude, a torrent of bullets whiz by them. A group of the once scattered rebels has collected themselves into a cohesive unit and are making their way across L-Corp’s front square. The agent quickly grabs Lena and pulls her down behind the concrete median just as mulch sprays from the flower bed there with the impact of the rounds.

“Give me that,” the agent demands, holding her hand out for the gun.

Lena is happy to give it over to someone of more skill. The agent rises up from their hiding spot cautiously and fires off three shots, each finding a different rebel that stops their pursuit. It is then, though, that they realize they are surrounded. The humanoid robot, the one released by the rebels that started this war zone in the middle of Lena’s press conference, advances towards them at an alarming pace.

The agent fires a bullet at it but the round ricochets off its exterior like a raindrop off a windshield.

“Fuck! Get behind me!” The agent doesn’t give Lena the chance to even comply with the demand. She grabs at her coat again and pulls her harshly towards her, wedging her between her vested body and the concrete of the median.

Lena hears a mechanical unlocking, the hiss of machinery coming to life, as the robot continues toward them. Peering over the agent’s shoulder she can see that it has engaged its weapon system. A row of small missiles has risen up from a compartment on its shoulder and they are aimed maliciously at them.

The agent spreads her arms, reaching back to try and shield Lena as much as possible. Lena knows it's in vain, though. Just one of those missiles will leave a crater the size of a car where they are hunkered down.

Lena hears more than she sees the missile launch from the robot. She digs her fingers into the agent’s bullet proof vest cursing herself for not being able to save her once again.

It is a flash of red and blue that saves them both. Supergirl snatches the missile out of the air, spins, and tosses it up into the sky. When it explodes it's only destruction is the shattering of a few windows in L-Corp’s building.

Lena can’t help the smile that spreads across her face, knowing they are safe now, as Supergirl immediately turns her attention to the robot. The force of her first punch knocks it off of its feet and the next sends it flying in the air. It hits the pavement two hundred yards away and does not move again.

The agent also visibly relaxes at the sight of Supergirl until a bullet from the still advancing rebels bounces off the shoulder of the hero. The agent’s arms go back, once more shielding Lena.

“I’ve got her! Go get them!” the agent shouts, with a jerk of her head back behind them. She pushes back into Lena, like she is trying to show that she indeed is ready to protect her.

Supergirl’s eyes meet Lena’s and Lena feels her heart race. Oh God, how she has missed those eyes. The hero shoots in the air, the sound of her take off echoing off the buildings around the square. Lena wiggles free of the agent’s grip and turns just in time to see Supergirl dive bomb the rebel group, leaving a sizable crater. Many rebels are thrown back, scattering in every direction from the hero’s impact on the ground.

Lena can’t help but be in awe of the way Supergirl fights. It is like a coordinated dance that her opponents just can’t seem to figure out the steps to. She uses her fists and her cape, blocking some while attacking others. The crackle of ice rings through the air as she freezes two rebels at their feet, effectively halting their attack. Another rebel, this one stupid enough to keep firing bullets that merely bounce off the red and blue suit, gets the heat vision treatment. He yelps in pain as the gun in his hand is heated to the point of exploding.

In no time at all Supergirl has immobilized the entire unit of rebels and the square falls silent save for the crackling of the small fires here and there. The square is completely destroyed and so too are many of the buildings in the vicinity.

Lena and the agent stand from their hiding spot, Lena’s eyes never leaving the hero. But when a look of shock and raw fear fills Supergirl’s face she can’t help but turn to see what has distracted Supergirl’s attention.

The robot has returned and stepped up to their hiding spot. The agent reflexively fires another useless bullet and then makes to kick the machine. The robot is too fast, however, and backhands the agent, sending her flying several feet away. Lena tries to make a run for it but the robot is already in motion after her. She feels its hand wrap around her throat. The pressure is just enough to cut off her air. As she is lifted from the ground, she tries desperately to force it to release her, kicking and clawing at the robot’s exterior to no avail.

Supergirl suddenly appears behind the robot. She wraps her arms around its neck in a futile attempt to distract it. But every move she makes causes the robot to continue tightening its fingers around Lena’s neck.

“Lena...” There is doubt in Supergirl’s eyes. And stark terror. In a morbid way, as the blackness creeps into Lena’s own vision and she feels herself slipping, she is happy that it is those blue eyes that are the last thing she is seeing.

And then, there is pain all over her body. Her back slams down onto the concrete median. As air is reintroduced to her lungs, she gasps and her eyes fly open. The robot is above her still but does not move toward her again. She rolls to the side, out of the robot’s space.

The sight before her is terrifying. Supergirl’s heat vision is pointed at the base of the robot’s skull. Its thick exterior is resistant at first but is failing quickly. Supergirl’s face is contorted in great effort and a piercing scream breaks from her mouth as her shaking body pushes forward, trying to increase the heat that is spilling from her eyes. The robot twitches once, twice, and then explodes. The pieces rain down across the square as Supergirl slumps to her knees, the orange of her heat vision slow to leave her eyes.

Lena rushes to her side. “Supergirl?!”

Supergirl reaches up and traces the red imprints of the robot’s fingers on Lena’s pale skin. “You’re hurt.”

“I promise, I’m okay.” Lena’s voice is scratchy but she she clears her throat and gives a reassuring smile as she pulls Supergirl’s hand from her neck.

The FBI agent makes her way to them. Lena notes the white bandage that she has wrapped around her forearm and the deep cut across her cheek. “Are you guys alright?”

“We’re fine.” Supergirl reports. She is still on her knees and her chest is heaving with the effort to keep herself up. “Are you okay?”

The agent nods in response. “Intel says that another wave of rebels has landed a block away and is making their way over. We’re evacuating the southern half of downtown National City. You both should go.”

“I can’t leave you,” Supergirl insists.

“You’re gonna have to. My backup is almost here.”

The agent pulls two clips for the pistol off one of the dead rebels’ body and tucks them into her vest. And that is when they hear the rumbling of large vehicles. Gunshots echo off the buildings and screams erupt from somewhere beyond the square.

“Do you have enough strength to get her out of here?” the agent asks Supergirl. She does a slow three hundred and sixty degree turn, the pistol at the ready.

Supergirl gathers her resolve and stands tenderly, giving a curt nod to the agent. “Alex, be safe.”

“Always,” the agent smiles and claps her hand on Supergirl’s shoulder. She turns to Lena next, “Please take care of her.”

“I will,” Lena promises.

Lena feels Supergirl’s hand at the small of her back. She looks up into the hero’s face as she turns, and then wraps her arms around her neck. This isn't the first time they've been in this position. Supergirl bends slightly, lifting Lena as she tucks one arm underneath her legs, letting the other cradle her back. Unlike the previous times, though, there is some shakiness in the movement.

“Are you sure about this?” Lena whispers softly. She doesn’t mean it as a sign of doubt but of worry for Supergirl’s well-being.

“I need to at least get you away from the square. I can do that much, I promise.”

Lena nods her acceptance and tucks her head beneath Supergirl’s chin as she feels them leave the ground. The square quickly disappears and Lena waits for them to land on one of the buildings that are slowly shrinking beneath them but Supergirl seems determined to get her even further away. Lena can’t help but stare at the hero’s face. Her lips are tight and her face is straining. Her grip around her is too tight almost like she doesn’t trust herself holding Lena.

“My apartment is not too much further,” Lena shouts over the air that is rushing past them. “It’s over...”

Supergirl adjusts their course not needing Lena’s instructions for the location of the apartment.

Lena gasps when they hit the concrete of the apartment balcony at too high of a speed. Supergirl falls instantly to her knees, grunting at their impact. Lena nearly slips from her arms but Supergirl is quick to pull her tight, steadying them both, before gently laying her on the balcony floor. Lena notes that it takes a great deal of effort for Supergirl to do so and is appreciative for the gentleness but still worried from this deviation from their normal landings. She quickly crawls to her knees and takes Supergirl by her shoulders. Her eyes sweep over her, noting the paleness of her skin and the fatigue in her blue eyes.

“Supergirl! Are you alright?”

A small smiled tugs at Supergirl’s lips before a harsh grimace takes its place. She falls forward and lets her head rest in the soft curve between Lena’s neck and shoulder. “I think I’m supposed to be the one asking you that. You're the one who was just attacked.”

“Yes, but you are the one who had to fight them off.” Lena goes to wrap her arms around her but at the last second thinks better of it. They have a complicated past and the rules of affection are not something she is sure of because of everything that has happened between them. Her instincts and her heart, though, scream to take the hero into her arms.

Supergirl seems to either know these rules and thinks this is an appropriate situation for it or else has decided to throw the rule book out as she turns her face and presses it into Lena’s neck. She takes a deep breath and lets more of her body’s weight rest against Lena who can't help but to now slide her arms underneath the cape and pull the hero close.

“You seemed to handle that pistol pretty well on your own.” Supergirl murmurs against Lena’s skin.

It doesn’t feel like an accusation but Lena wonders if that is what is meant by the statement. Her knees start to ache against the cool concrete. For a moment, she is afraid that the new steadiness of Supergirl’s breathing is a result of the hero falling asleep on her. But Supergirl must have sensed how uncomfortable Lena was because she pulls back and rests on her own legs.

“Let’s get you inside,” Lena says. She wobbles as she moves to her feet, her human body finally registering everything she has just been through.

Supergirl takes a deep breath before she moves to rise as well. She happily takes Lena’s outstretched hands for assistance. Once on her feet, she drapes an arm around Lena’s shoulders and lets Lena take some of her weight. Lena maneuvers them to the balcony door much like she's helping some with a sprained ankle. She praises their luck that the balcony door is unlocked as she slides it open and leads the hero inside.  

“I owe you a thank you,” Supergirl whispers as they amble into the living room. She releases Lena and tries to take a step on her own but falters.

Lena holds her arms out just waiting to grab Supergirl if she topples, much like a parent to a wobbly toddler. “For?”

“Is it okay if I sit?” Supergirl asks but she is already slumping down onto the couch as the words breach the air. She lays her head against the back of the couch as she sinks down into the plush cushions. Her eyes close and she issues an open mouth exhale that seems to relax her somewhat. “A thank you for saving Alex,” she continues.

“The FBI agent?”

Supergirl hums in response. “I really appreciate what you did. Losing her would have been...” She pushes another breath out as if the thought is too much in of itself.

“Well she saved me as well so I guess we’re even.”

Supergirl’s lips turn up in a smile even though her eyes remain closed. “She won't see it as even, trust me.”

Lena doesn't know what is meant by that but her worry for the hero who is clearly not herself outweighs her curiosity. “Can I get you anything?”

“Maybe a glass of water?”

Lena returns a moment later with the glass. Her concern only deepens as Supergirl’s hand shakes when she takes it from her.

“Are you sure you’re okay? Is there someone I should call?”

“Alex knows where to find me. They are going to be a while, though. I have to lay low for a bit until they can come get me.”

“Because your powers are gone?”

Supergirl finally opens her eyes and bites her lip as she evaluates Lena’s worried face. “That’s hard to admit to you but yes because my powers are depleted. I don't think I solar flared though...”

She purses her lips and blows at the glass which frosts up.

“Solar flared?” Lena sits on the cushion next to Supergirl. “Because you get your power from the sun? That's clever.”

Supergirl smiles again. “Don't ever tell my cousin that. He's too proud of himself for coming up with that name as it is.”

“Why is it hard to admit it to me then if this is not an unusual experience for you and your cousin?”

Supergirl’s face is instantly serious. “I don't like you seeing me weak.”

“Because I am a Luthor and you are a Super?”

“You may have the Luthor name but you are nothing like your brother. I told you that back in Metropolis.”

“Do you look back on those weeks as fondly as I do?” Lena looks down at her hands and fidgets with them nervously. This is the first time they’ve been truly alone since their last night together in Metropolis nearly two years ago. Supergirl has saved her four times in the last six months, since Lena’s move to National City, but this is the first time they’ve ever been together in the aftermath.

“I do, despite the fact that I was there for a very serious reason. And that I was really nervous too.”

“Why were you nervous?”

Supergirl thinks for a moment on her answer. “It was my first important mission as Supergirl and the first time working with my cousin. I didn’t want to mess it up. And then when I met you and we...” We fell in love, Lena wants to interject, “...yeah it became especially important.”

“I’d hardly call babysitting me an important mission.”

“I do. It is one of if not the most important things I’ve ever done as Supergirl. You gave up your brother. You provided the key testimony that allowed us to put him away forever. Do you not know how many lives you have saved by doing that?”

Lena’s face colors at that statement.“But here you are again, saving my life.”

“I think we’ve already established that you are the real hero of today. And the babysitter now too.”

Lena can't help but laugh at the role reversal. “Yes, but your life is far more important than mine.”

“The last time we were together and you were being hard on yourself it took me kissing you to make you stop. Seeing as I am indisposed at the moment you’re just going to have to take my words at their value: you are good, you are important, and you deserve happiness, Lena.”

This time the flush that takes to Lena’s skin burns with the brightness of a thousand suns. “Do you ever think about that kiss?” she asks softly as she lays her own head back against the couch, mimicking Supergirl’s position.

“Constantly.”

“Me too.” Every night, every day, every hour for the last two years, Lena wants to say.

Silence falls over them, each lost in their thoughts of their time together two years ago.

“Can I ask you something?” Lena whispers uncertainly. She doesn’t know if she should breach the topic that is on her mind but her curiosity is getting the better of her. Now that they are alone, finally, she just can’t help herself.

“Of course.” Supergirl turns her head and watches her intently.

“That night you left to come back to National City and I asked you what was next for...for us...” she falters, her words sticking in her throat, “you said that you hoped someday a part of you would deserve all of me. What did you mean by that?”

‘Lena, you just don’t understand!’ Supergirl throws the last of her belongings into the duffle bag and zips it with too much force. She looks around the apartment that has been their hideout for the last five weeks throughout the duration of Lex’s trial.

‘Then make me understand!’ Lena is standing in the middle of the living room, arms wrapped around herself like she’s afraid she may fall apart. The tears that are streaming down her face make her cheeks seem so much more pale than usual. ‘You can’t keep denying that you have feelings for me too!’

Supergirls spins, her voice is gruff like her throat has been scrubbed with salt. Her own tears are coming now. ‘I do! I love you! Is that what you want to hear? That I want to spend every moment of every day with you? That you make me feel more alive than anything? That these last few weeks have been some of the scariest but best weeks of my life? What do you want from me?!’

‘I want to be with you! Why can’t we be together?’

‘Because I’m not...I’m not free, Lena. I can’t–’ She takes Lena’s face into her hands and presses their heads together. ‘I can’t be with you as me, as this,’ She gestures to the symbol proudly displayed across her chest. ‘It’s not safe.’

Lena presses her lips forward, leaving soft kisses over every inch of the hero’s face that she can reach. ‘I don’t care about any of that.’

‘But I do.’

Lena feels her stomach drop, her heart clenches with the most searing pain.

‘I care, Lena. If not being with you is what keeps you safe then that is the price I am willing to pay.’

‘But I love you.’ It sounds so weak and pathetic in Lena’s ears but she knows it's the truth. It’s the first time she’s ever said those words to anyone and truly meant them.

‘Lena, I–’ An insistent pounding at the front door stops Supergirl’s words. ‘I have to go now.’ She releases Lena and grabs the duffle bag. With one more sweep of the apartment she turns and makes her way to the door.

‘Supergirl...please.’

Supergirl can’t help but stop her feet. With one hand on the doorknob, she freezes. She knows if she turns around, if she takes one more look into those green eyes that she’s come to love, that there will be no stopping herself. ‘I hope that one day I can create a part of me that will deserve all of you. But I’m not that person right now and I don’t expect you to wait for me to become them.’ She doesn’t wait for a response as she slams the door behind her.

With thirty floors between them and the sounds of the bustling street as she climbs into the back of the DEO vehicle, she can still hear Lena’s sobs over it all. As a tear finally breaks free and falls down her own cheek, she wonders if she’ll ever feel whole again.

Supergirl is silent in the face of that question.

“We don’t have to talk about this,” Lena says as she pushes herself off the couch.

“We need to, though. If you’re going to be here in National City permanently then we should.” Supergirl clears her throat and starts. “I’ve spent nearly all of my life here on Earth as a part of a governmental organization – the men in black if you will...”

Lena can’t help the small twitch of a smile at the continuation of their nickname that they had developed during their time in Metropolis. She feels like they are on the edge of something more, like she is finally going to get the answers to the questions that have plagued her the last two years, and her heart skips at every word.

“...because I struggled to adapt to human life. My adoptive parents, who both work for the organization, thought it best to raise me as a member of their employer because I wasn’t convincing as a human. That is how and why I became Supergirl. Unlike my cousin, who was raised in human traditions and has a dual life as a hero and human, I perfected the hero path and stopped trying to integrate myself into the outside human world. Until I met you.”

Lena’s head snaps up at those words. “Me?”

“You gave me a different sense of purpose. You had so much confidence in me back in Metropolis. You told me I could do anything. No one has ever believed in me like that.”

“Well, it’s true. You are brilliant and compassionate. You would make the perfect human if you just tried again,” Lena insists as she remembers their talks late into the nights spent in that hideaway apartment during the trial. She remembers the passion in Supergirl’s voice about how she loved helping people and how she wanted to protect this planet so much because she couldn’t save her own.

“Leaving you that night nearly killed me.” Supergirl’s voice cracks with raw emotion, as if she is reliving that past too. “But Supergirl can never be with Lena Luthor. And it’s not because of the Super/Luthor thing,” she quickly adds before Lena can argue with her on that point. “Supergirl can’t be with anyone. If any of my enemies or my cousin’s enemies found out about you and our relationship then they could use you against me and I can’t live with that weighing on my conscience.”

Lena returns to the couch and curls herself up against the hero. It’s been two long years of heartbreak and loneliness. And she suddenly realizes that it was felt by both of them. Supergirl didn’t leave her because she was a Luthor or because their love wouldn’t be enough. No, she left her because she loved her too much.

Supergirl lays her head gently against the side of Lena’s and intertwines their fingers. “I’ve been trying to establish a human identity for myself, one that would be worthy of Lena Luthor’s love. That way Supergirl can protect you but she can love you and build a life with you.”

“Why do you keep saying that? Deserve? Be worthy? Why do you act like I am something special?

“Because you are special to me! And because you are a powerful woman. Whether you like it or not you are constantly under scrutiny at every turn–”

“Oh, I hadn’t noticed,” Lena interjects sarcastically.

“Whoever you date will be too,” Supergirl says, ignoring Lena’s jab. “You know, it’s not that easy establishing a human identity anymore. The paperwork is easy, sure, but I have to make sure that that identity has a real life so no one gets suspicious. We’d have to take this slow if this was something we wanted to pursue.”

“It is. I still want this. I still want you.” Lena turns her head and runs her nose along Supergirl’s jaw before placing a kiss on her temple.

“Even after I left you? After everything that’s happened? I told you not to wait for me...”

“Yes. And I’d wait for you forever if I had to. I wish you had called me at some point and told me all of this sooner but I’m not angry. I still love you.”

Supergirl’s phone interrupts Lena’s confession. Lena watches the blonde’s face during the whole thing. The conversation doesn’t last long but is enough to pull them both out of the moment they were having.

“I hope you don’t mind if I crash here for the night,” Supergirl says as she hangs up. “It looks like things are a lot more serious than originally thought.”

“Of course not. Stay as long as you like.” Lena reaches for the remote and turns on the television. The news is showing the devastation around L-Corp’s building. “Are we safe here?”

“We don’t think they were explicitly after you. It was a public event in a large city. It was somewhere where they could gain the most attention. I fear it’s going to be happening a lot more now with the Supreme Court’s ruling on alien rights.” Supergirl sighs, the exhaustion of today and of the things that have yet to come seem to be weighing her spirits down. “And the ruling is even more reason for you not to be seen with Supergirl too often.”

“You should get some rest. I shouldn’t have brought any of this up with you tonight. I’m sorry.” Lena stands again from the couch and starts to clean up the already pristine living room. “Go sleep in my bed. It’ll be more comfortable for you.”

Supergirl unzips her boots and places them next to the coffee table. Her cape is a more difficult task for her in her exhaustion but she at last gets it off and drapes it over the couch. She picks up her phone and walks, more steadily now, to Lena’s bedroom. But at the door she turns. “Lena?”

Lena stops on her way to the kitchen to put Supergirl’s glass of water away and turns at the sound of her name.

“Will you stay with me?” Her hand is outstretched and Lena can’t help but give into the request.

They each take a side of the bed, pulling down the covers. Supergirl is quick to rid the bed of the decorative pillows and climbs in with a satisfying hum. Lena briefly leaves to shower and complete her pre-bedtime rituals. When she returns to the bedroom, she half expects to find the hero sleeping but instead meets two waiting eyes.

The moment she lays down on the bed, Supergirl’s arms are instantly around her, pulling her close. Lena can’t help but moan as their bodies make contact.

“I still love you too. Is that okay?” Supergirl whispers.

“Yes, yes, God, yes.” She throws her leg over Supergirl, trying to bring her in even closer. She bends her head into Supergirl’s hand that has snuck up into her dark wet hair, freeing it from the loose bun she had it in. It reminds her of their first embrace in Metropolis.

Supergirl ghosts her lips over Lena’s but does not kiss her. Instead she nudges Lena’s chin with her lips and begins to place soft kisses on the bruises that are starting to form on her neck.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t get to you in time,” she whispers, punctuating each word with a kiss.

“You saved me, that is all that matters.”

“I’m sorry for the last two years.”

“It’s okay now,” Lena promises.

Supergirl kisses her neck again, and pulls her in tighter, and somehow closer. She whispers Lena’s name over and over, in between kisses, as her hand caress Lena’s back and neck.

And Lena finally feels at home.

************************************************************************************

Supergirl is squirming but it is slowly turning into thrashing. Lena looks at the clock, noting they have slept longer than she expected. But she rolls over, alarmed when she hears her name fall from Supergirl’s lips.

“Shhhh. It’s okay.” Her fingers slide into Supergirl’s blonde locks at her temple and lightly scratch at her scalp. Supergirl’s body instantly stills and then relaxes. “I’m right here.”

“Lena?” Her voice is low and rough with confusion. Her eyes slowly blink open at the sound of Lena’s voice.

“I’m here,” Lena promises. “See I’m right here.” She picks up Supergirl’s hand and starts to place gently kisses to the back of it as her other hand continues to glide through the hero’s blonde locks.

Supergirl smiles in relief at the sight of Lena. “I still have dreams that I failed to protect you during the trial.”

“But you did. I’m here and I’m safe.”

Supergirl scoffs and sits up. “I think you are forgetting yesterday.”

Lena rolls her eyes. “That attack? That was nothing in the life of a Luthor, you should know this by now.” She gets off the bed and makes her way toward the bathroom. “Would you like to change into some regular clothes?” The question has left her mouth before she even registers that she has never seen Supergirl in regular clothing before.  

“I actually am going to be leaving soon.” Supergirl too rises from the bed though much more slowly than Lena. “Alex texted me that they’ll be here within the hour.”

Lena nods but can't help her disappointment. “So your sister is also a part of the men in black like your parents?”

Supergirl laughs. Really laughs. And God, how Lena has missed that sound.

“Yeah, she’s the best of the men in black,” she says, a bright smile across her face. Her eyes are more lively this morning and despite her achy movements she seems more like herself. “How did you know Alex was my sister?”

“You mentioned your sister a lot back in Metropolis and sometimes when you talk in your sleep you say her name. And then after yesterday, when you were so relieved that she was okay...you saying that your family is a part of the government...I just put two and two together.”

“Right. Alex has always joked that if I ever get kidnapped and they hold me over night that they’ll have all of our secrets because of me talking in my sleep.”

“You’re not that bad,” Lena assures her. “Do you have time for breakfast at least?”

“I always have time for food.”

This time it is Lena who laughs. “Yes, I do recall that you had quite the appetite back during the trial.”

A half an hour later, Lena sits a plate with an omelette and toast in front of Supergirl who has tenderly climbed up into one of the bar stools. She then picks up her own coffee cup in both hands, relishing in the warmth it provides as she takes a sip and watches Supergirl’s eyes flutter shut as she savors her first bite. A deep moan escapes from Supergirl’s mouth and fills the silent kitchen.

“Lena, this is...” She doesn't finish the sentence and instead opts for another bite.

“Would you like another one?” Lena asks, seeing that Supergirl has devoured the omelette in three bites.

An enthusiastic nod is all she gets in response.

“If I knew you could cook like this, I’d be over here every morning,” Supergirl says, a sheepish grin plastered across her face as Lena slides another omelette on to her plate. She slows her pace on this one, making sure to give Lena a compliment at every bite. “And I definitely would have made you cook while we were in Metropolis rather than have the FBI’s bland catering.”

“Would you like to?” Lena asks as she pours Supergirl’s coffee into a thermos. She places it next to the folded red cape at the corner of the bar knowing that the hero will be leaving at any time. Suddenly a dread, like post-holiday depression after Christmas night washes over her. Would this be a one time thing? Would they go back to no communication and pretending like they don’t know one another? Or did they make enough progress last night to finally start something real?

“Would I like to what?” Supergirl asks in confusion as she takes her plate to the sink.

“Come over for breakfast. Am I allowed to feed Supergirl again? Or maybe I could meet your human self and feed her?” Lena can feel the weight of the questions press down on them. And she welcomes it because she means it and everything, all the implications, all the meaning between the lines, that comes with it. But panic and doubt begin to register in her heart, and she wonders if she’ll like the answer she’ll receive. Please say yes. Please don’t leave me again. Don’t tease me with the life I want with you.

“Absolutely.”

Lena beams. “Does your human side like omelettes?”

“My human side likes everything except for leafy greens.”

There is a knock at the front door and Supergirl throws the cape over her shoulder and picks up her boots and the thermos full of coffee.

“So...” Lena starts as she escorts Supergirl through the living room.

Supergirl leans down and kisses her lips softly before opening the door. “Give me some time to get some things in order. But I promise I’ll be back.”

Lena can’t help but sigh in relief as she watches Supergirl enter the elevator with a mob of agents dressed in black knowing that maybe, just maybe, things were going to be okay for them now.

************************************************************************************

Lena is working at her desk, overwhelmed by the tasks that need her attention. She had kept L-Corp open for business in the wake of the attack as a means of showing that neither she nor her company could be affected by the rebels and their anti-alien cause. And she is thankful that she has done so because it has kept her busy and her mind somewhat off Supergirl. It has been two days of silence and that fear of the last two years is dancing in the peripheral of her mind.

A light tapping draws her attention away from her computer screen. She turns in her chair and sees Supergirl standing on the balcony, Lena’s coffee thermos in one hand and a bag in the other. Lena can’t help the wide smile that breaks free as she stands and gestures for the hero to enter her office. Her heart feels like it might combust at the sight.

“It’s good to see you back in the air, Supergirl.”

“Thanks. Feels good to fly again. And I see L-Corp is still trucking on...”

Lena hums in agreement, too busy taking in the sight of the woman she loves. “What can I do for National City’s hero?”

“I came to return your thermos,” she holds it out for Lena to take, “and to see how you are doing. It looks like the bruises on your neck are healing.”

Lena absentmindedly strokes her neck, forgetting that only two days ago she was attacked. Thoughts of holding Supergirl close in the night and breakfast laughs are all that have been on her mind.

“I’m fine, I promise.”

Supergirl reaches out and places her hands on Lena’s hips and pulls her in closer. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said the other night and if you are still serious about trying...starting…” she gives an uneasy laugh, “whatever this is after a couple days of thought then we really need to talk. You’re going to have to go through government training and sign a lot of paperwork.”

Lena pushes herself up into the hero and kisses her. It is brief but winds them both completely. “Yes, I still want this. I still want you. And I agree, we need to talk about this,” Lena says breathlessly. “I have an appointment with a reporter soon though. Could we maybe have dinner tonight?”

“Are you cooking?” Supergirl asks as her eyebrows shoot upward in hope.

Lena laughs at the playfulness. She’s missed it desperately. “Does my answer change things for you?”

“Not really. I just like to know what I get to look forward to is all.” Supergirl pulls her in for another kiss.

“Will I be having Supergirl over for dinner or your human side?”

Supergirl’s brow furrows as she contemplates Lena’s question. “You’re sure you want this relationship?”

“Yes. A million times yes.”

“Then I suppose you can meet my human side,” Supergirl relinquishes. “Do you mind if I splash my face in your bathroom before I go?”

Lena looks down at her watch. “My interview isn’t for another ten minutes so please feel free.”

Supergirl kisses her once more and grabs the bag she brought with her off the floor.

“You know, you could stay and say hello if you wanted,” Lena says at Supergirl’s retreating back that is entering the bathroom. She hears the sink come on through the door that Supergirl has left ajar. “The interview is with Kara Danvers. I know that you two know each other.”

“Oh yeah? What’s your interview about?”

“Um...” Lena sits down at her desk and pulls up the calendar on her computer, “...I’m not sure actually. Jess didn’t note it here in the appointment book. It just says interview.” She begins shifting through the obscene amount of post-it notes stuck everywhere on her desk. “Here it is,” she says, plucking the right post-it note off of one of her legal pads. “It’s about–”

“L-Corp’s development of a quantum memory device.”

Lena laughs. “How did you know–” Her laughter cuts off immediately when Kara Danvers steps out of her bathroom, a red cape tossed over her shoulder as she balls Supergirl’s uniform up and stuffs it into the bag. Lena slowly rises out of her chair, her mouth hanging open as she watches the blonde reporter pull out a pair of glasses and a notebook from the bag.

Kara slowly slips the glasses on to her face and raises her eyes to finally meet Lena’s. “I hope you don’t mind that I’m a few minutes early, Ms. Luthor.”

[roodiaries]

Early 2017: Sydney Lights, Hints of the Pacific & Bum-Biting Goannas

The blog is back in AUSTRALIA (as per the theme and name, after the last entry's Asian deviation!) And it's more light-hearted and less moany than before I think :)

New Year in Sydney was an enticing prospect as popular opinion considers it to be one of the best places to celebrate. Clearly how good of a New Year you have depends totally on who you're with, what you do and what mood you're in, with the setting as simply something of a backdrop. That said, seeing in 2017 overlooking Sydney Harbour was one of the best new years I've experienced. The most overhyped night of the year lived up to its billing, one of the few times in my life it's done so (though the last four – in Edinburgh, Montanita, Birmingham & London respectively – have all been good ones).

The return from my December Asia trip was marked by a nasty bout of 7/11-sandwich food poisoning which saw me spew my guts and bile out in a hostel bathroom and cling to the toilet bowl for dear life. I was later told off for coughing too much in bed by a scary middle-aged African lady (from Sierra Leone), forcing me to put my pillow at the other end of the mattress. “Just go to sleep!”, I angrily retorted. She kept making comments aloud to herself in this dorm full of relaxed European male backpackers: “there's too much coughing in this room!...what time is it?...why does everybody hang their washing in here?” It's funny now, but at the time was very jarring. I spoke to her more the next day and she actually seemed quite nice: she just definitely shouldn't have been staying in a dorm room.

New Year came around and a big group of us headed down to village-like Balmain in the midsummer heat, weaving through the rampant picnicking masses ready to eat up the picturesque firework display, many/most with illicit alcoholic beverages tucked away to avoid clashes with the patrolling police. In my opinion, Australia is the most strict country I have ever been to in terms of rules and actual dishing out of fines for minor public disturbances (Singapore included): jay-walking in the city centre can get you a $70 on-the-spot fine; putting your feet on the seat on the train in Melbourne is $233 ($78 for children); not filling out the Census is $180 per day until you do. And alcohol is very carefully controlled: one wild backpacker party on Coogee Beach over Christmas led to the total alcohol ban in the area, which will probably be permanent now. Getting your hands on a beer at a festival or public event can be tricky too, and there were lots of signs up warning against it for New Year. Of course people still drank, but greater efforts were made not to get too rowdy and attract attention (efforts which failed increasingly as the day wore on), so that the family-friendly atmosphere could be maintained. I agree that a family-friendly atmosphere should be preserved for the public good, but the vast majority of people can and do drink responsibly so just leave us alone and let us booze at big events!

We were perched on the grass in a park on the south side of Sydney's twisty harbour (seriously, look at a map: I've never seen a port/harbour with so many coves, bays, inlets, promontories, peninsulas and creeks – it's mesmerising). I brought my friends from the farm days in Renmark to meet my uni chum Mark and his friends, and even bumped into my old colleague Sebastian from when we door-knocked together in Melbourne 9 months previously. It was a good group and a great firework display, with excellent views of the bridge, but a long arduous walk/bus journey home through the packed city.

On New Year's Day, I returned to stay with Adele and her family, also with Sara and her family, for a very homely get-together in Jervis Bay, involving feasts, soft beds, crab-infested mangrove walks and cute boat trips up creeks and bays. I then flew to Brisbane for another little getaway, deciding I had spent about $1000 less than I had anticipated in India & Nepal and so could afford more travelling before the dread-inducing job hunt began again. My long and short-term future seemed very uncertain at this point (long-term future still hasn't been sorted out, and probably never will). I was able to relax nonetheless, and immediately warmed to Queensland's capital and largest city. It seemed more spacious with wider streets and lower-rise buildings, like Adelaide but with greater charm, while also being friendlier and slower-paced than Sydney. It certainly felt like the Sunshine State on first impressions. Adele and I walked the Brisbane River with its summery Southbank swimming pools providing family fun and adding to the holiday atmosphere. The GOMA (Gallery of Modern Art) had some pretty cutting-edge exhibits, like a 22m-long Tongan mat, a scarily realistic large pensive woman in bed and a giant arch of cardboard boxes one inside the other getting progressively smaller, while West End was a cool neighbourhood with a more international and backpacker vibe (I spent a couple of nights here later). Mount Coot-tha provided a panoramic view of the city from the west; there were also some nice walking tracks and Turrbal aboriginal art designs in the surrounding forests.

Aboriginal Australia, away from well-worn narratives of horrors at the hands of European settlers in the past 230 years, is a mysterious, diverse and fascinating culture to explore. Or more correctly, cultures, since there were more distinct Aboriginal 'nations', speaking over 300 languages, on the continent when the First Fleet arrived in 1788 than there are countries in the world today. Only around 3% of the population of modern-day Australia is considered indigenous (Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders), and there are only token remnants of Aboriginal culture in the main cities: an occasional sign-post, some hiking tracks, information boards. Here are some of the oldest continuous human cultures in the world, believed to be at least 60,000 years old, and discovering more about them is definitely a high priority during my time here.

Talking of culture, we paid a visit to the Castlemaine-Perkins (XXXX) Brewery, my third brewery tour in Australia! XXXX isn't my favourite of the extensive Aussie beer selection but a classic one nonetheless and well advertised (“well you wouldn't want a warm beer!”) Just on the beer note, Australia does have a surprisingly good and extensive collection of beers, especially pale ales. My favourites are Little Creatures, James Squire 50 Lashes, Kosciuszko and Lazy Yak. Try them some time (they have some in bars in the UK too, e.g. Sheffield Tap).

In the following days, I had the chance to catch up with a few friends from my previous travels, such as Hanna, who I worked with as strawberry-pickers in the Huon Valley; and Gaby from the Loja period; as well as Alex Dodd, also from Loja days: we had a barbecue in his apartment and travelled with a few others down to Burleigh Heads on the Gold Coast. Though not able to match their high level of several-dozen kick-ups in casual beach footie, it was an amazing spot to jump in the waves and watch the professional surfing.

By the time I was leaving Brisbane, I'd decided to make my way back to Sydney by land for a sort-of-roadtrip before completing my plan of finding a job in Sydney and saving up. I hitched a ride down from Brissie to Byron Bay with a cool Kiwi surfer called Bertus I'd found on one of the Facebook backpacker groups. I actually had nowhere booked for Byron, and began to stress about it as we drew nearer and I saw how packed it was. 'I'll just sleep on the beach', I'd told myself before... But the reality of that is harder and more unpredictable than it seems, unless you're a more confident, battle-hardened outdoorsy adventurer than I currently am. I was warned of druggies, drunk backpackers, cold, animals and police, and suddenly became really desperate for a hostel bed. I traipsed from one to another, even trying the most garish and unashamedly wacky & backpackery of backpacker hostels, but there was no room at the inn. Finally I did discover one very new whitewashed and spacious refuge called Byron Bay Beach Hostel, where the manager even gave me a random discount (still $45, the most I've paid for a hostel in Oz). In spite of my immense relief, the extremely hot/badly ventilated rooms and the incredible rudeness of a giant group of French-speakers in not making any effort to speak to me when I joined them outside, marred the evening considerably. To those who haven't travelled in Australia or seen The Inbetweeners 2, Byron Bay is the most popular and bigged-up traveller resort in the whole country: famed for its chilled-out hippie vibes, artisan soul, party culture and great beaches, it's a must-see for anyone travelling the east coast. Unfortunately, I simply wasn't in the mood. However, the coastal hike up to the lighthouse (via Cape Byron, the most easterly point in mainland Australia) was excellent. The guided tour of the lighthouse itself was bizarrely run by a group of charming Americans in their 60s/70s!

I'd felt the need for a dose of a quieter life as a tonic to hectic east coast life, so I spent one week at a homestay found on the HelpX website. It was in a lush green corner of north-eastern New South Wales, near the town of Casino, at the farmstead of a couple called Sue & Keith. I met another English guy there named Cameron (from Swindon), who was studying in Melbourne, and enjoyed having a companion to share the adventures here with. Most activities were dictated by the incredible heat at the time, reaching 40 degrees but with suffocatingly high humidity levels. The shed-building work usually lasted only 45 minutes before we were all simply too hot to continue, and I can honestly not remember any time where I was sweating more than for this week, especially at dinner time when we'd just returned from a trip up to the 'internet cafe' hill (the only place nearby with phone signal) and sat down over hot food, delicious as it always was. Perspiration dripped from shirtless chests like rain during a monsoon, and I required multiples showers and 20-minute sessions sitting directly in front of the fan to remain un-cooked. Dinner time was also when normally-quiet Keith would unleash his strong views on many topics, from travelling to the state of the local government: he had particularly strong political views of a surprisingly bitter and right-leaning perspective for a man who had travelled so extensively, seeing Trump as the man to lead the free world and holding contempt for Obama, describing Zimbabwean dictator Robert Mugabe as a “mild version of Obama.” Fox News was seldom not on in the background with Bill O'Reilly and his “no-spin zone” an evening routine, more amusing than offensive for Cam and me.

We helped feed the myriad chickens, hens, ducks, geese, rabbits and guinea-pigs scattered in the junk-maze front yard. The amount of random stuff/junk surrounding the house was incredible. One day we were called upon to kill a sharp-clawed goanna (Aussie monitor lizard) that was caught biting the bum of a duck. That was a pain in the arse for everyone involved. It hid up a tree and refused to come down to face us. One day involved a funny 6hr roundtrip to the Gold Coast to pick up a spa and a water tank, which we were very worried about flying off, and spent a long time securing them on the back of the ute with ropes. We also had the opportunity to meet some of the long-term lodgers at the farm, some of whom were on drugs rehab and benefits. It was a good place to come to get away from it all (for them and me), and a different perspective on Australia to what I've normally been exposed to, meeting people at a different end of the spectrum to the city kids, high-flyers and international traveller circles.

Cam and I left the farm and headed down to Coffs Harbour on the train. Coffs has the unique privilege of being located at the point where the Great Dividing Range (Australia's only real mountain range) meets the Pacific Ocean to form a beautiful backdrop, topped off with a literally huge banana, a jumpable pier and picturesque harbour. We met a German guy called Jonas and two English girls (Becky and Helen) at the YHA, and together cycled around the surprisingly large coastal town, enduring some intimidating hills and a roaring motorway, but stopping for a dip to get hammered by the powerful waves, and then drinking goon (crap, boxed wine) at the hostel over cards.

The last stop on the Unexpected East Coast Adventure was the inland small-city of Tamworth, known throughout Australia as the nation's capital of all things country music and equestrian: “an antipodean Nashville,” as the guidebook described it. It was the busiest period of the year, as the annual Country Music Festival was beginning the day we arrived, and the streets were alive with the sound of (country) music: a few genuine cowboy and hillbilly types among the masses of pretend ones, dominated by middle-aged holidaymakers and committed locals letting loose with their families. We barbecued in the nature reserve beneath a baking hot sun with my friend Rose from other Aussie adventures, and went to see some lively performances (especially one band called Lonesome Train, led by an electric and skinny ladies'-man singer who seemed 20 years younger than he actually was). The festival was a lot of fun, and we met a few interesting characters. One was one of the aforementioned middle-aged Aussie let-loosers, whose kid stole my stool when I went to the bar; half-an-hour after what I thought had been a light-hearted altercation, (while he'd been sitting next to me the whole time watching the singers on stage) he casually said: “sorry about that before... but if it was 20 years ago, I would have smacked you in the mouth.” He then proceeded to drunkenly chat semi-aggressively, telling me anecdotes about a barman from Essex: “black as the ace of spades he was. Absolute tosser...” Something told me this guy was the real tosser! Another memorable night was when Cam and I got roped into a night-out with a bunch of 19 year-old locals shouting at the back of the bus (the kind of people you dread talking to you) and had to toss our bags into a bush on the way while holding the bus because otherwise we'd have to wait half an hour. It turned out to be a fun night out in this sparky little city.

I was worried but motivated upon my return to Sydney to stop spending and start saving. Putting a cashed-up bogan to shame, I'd spent a lot and was now in the hibernation, total-survival mentality where I write down exactly what I spend – including money given to homeless people – and rule my finances with an iron fist. It had been worth it, however, for this opportunity to finally explore some of the places most-discussed in backpacker circles and experience part of the Aussie east coast. Though a fun adventure, I didn't feel the east coast lived up to the hype, lacking a certain cutting edge or unpredictability. The best thing about it is the sheer ocean-beach-coastline scenery, which was boundless and inspiring, as well as the people I'd met (sorry for the cliché). I met some shit ones, too, though ;)

Back to the future: I found a job and I will talk about a more settled life in Sydney in the next blog entry, and perhaps more about Australia as a country, too.

Thanks a lot for reading! Scroll down for photos and the previous four articles.

Oliver