#SO CONDESCENDING WAHHHHH

[clairedaring]

And who dropped me off last night? I don't remember anything. Was it Wut? Someone a lot more handsome than that. Oh, Sol? Before, he used to be in my stunt team. But now, he's an idol in Korea. Well, it was kind of him to drop you off here. If I hadn't been here last night, I guess you'd have gotten a chance to use the condom.

MY STAND-IN (2024) | 1.02

[inu-jiru]

Jazz's "Apology Tour" ramble

Episode was trash, let's go.

First off, the whole "Fuck Blitzo" party is so stupid to me, like you're telling me this 30-something year old man had intimate relationships with ALL these demons and HE was the sole thing that ruined ALL of them?

And how did Verosika even find out about Stolas? Like I know Ozzie's happened, but how'd she hear about their "breakup" (they weren't together but whatever, show)?

Why the FUCK does Verosika care about Stolas being an uwu sad victim of mean old Blitzo aside from everyone being written to want to huff Stolas' sad boi farts?

Why is no one trying to kill Stolas like in Loo Loo Land, like suddenly we're just cool with the oppressive racist now (who am I kidding, the rank system doesn't exist anymore unless the "meanie supremacist" characters bring it up I guess)?

Don't think I'm trying to be "Blitzo's#1Bitch69" or anything, but Season 2 is just so gross in how they've written him. Either he's the big bully meanie for hating his abuser, or they've had him commit the most out of pocket atrocities (like possibly SAing Stolas since he was technically drunk or the circus incident or the shit he pulled with Verosika because what the fuck kinda trauma makes you steal someone credit card for horse riding lessons???) that they just gloss over because fuck having Blitzo actually progress normally or Stolas taking actual responsibility for his own actions, let's just speed through everything so it's back to Stolitz City, don't think about the implications. I just can't stand itttt, I still like and pity Blitz to an extent but his writing is killing meeee

Stolas, stop whimpering about being wanted YOU HAVE A KID WHO HAS STILL NOT APPEARED SINCE SEEING STARS WHERE IS SHE?

Am I really hearing that people are hating the dude flirting with Stolas like come on yall STOLITZ IS NOT OFFICIAL YET CHILL

I've honestly started skipping through episodes, like I can't fucking listen to "WAHHHHH BLITZO I WANT YOU TO WANT ME" for the millionth time, I wish this episode could've just been Blitzo and Verosika facing their issues or something I just don't wanna see this owl loser act like a victim anymoreeee

Man really said "when have I ever been condescending?" SEASON ONE???? How about every time you grab his face and call him out of his name and watch him be shot at while demanding he come over one a month? Oh, but when Blitz starts doing it back it's "Oh I'm uncomfortable ooOoOoo stop it Blitz hnnghhh I don't like it :C :C :C", like whatever man.

The Striker comment was dumb and wrong but that's because Stolas is dumb and wrong

Honestly I feel like I'm repeating the same points I and others have made in the past so all imma say is, I hope Octavia and Stella are enjoying their off-screen and better written adventures together. I'm gonna draw some AU stuff now to give my eyes something better to look at.

OH I forgot to talk about Verosika, uh, she was there? I honestly think she should just get over herself at this point, idk when she and Blitz broke up but what the fuck is it about this clown that she was so enamored over where she's this hurt? I can get being mad about her credit card and Blitz being a lazy partner but if that's the case, I fail to see how they got to a point where she got his name tatted on her arm. Idk it's weird

The Mayweather shit or whatever her name is was pointless and made no sense, like "I want you to kill this woman who made me attempt to kill her and myself but now we're dating" like? Hey Vivzie if yall can callback to that why can't yall call back to Stolas being a creep huh?

EDIT: They really made that fuckass "it's hell" excuse canon, huh? Like, it doesn't even make sense in the context of Blitz saying that, like people say "it's hell" because Biblically speaking, it's where those who truly oppose God in order to live a life of wickedness go as just punishment. Blitz the equivalent of a regular guy in Hell unlike the Hazbin characters, he shouldn't understand that there's a better alternative to Hell because he's not human and never had any opportunity to learn about Heaven or God (unless it's just in their DNA or something idk who knows with this show)

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

Oh my fucking godddd I just had the funniest thought ever 😭you know how u were talking about satoru and his cuteness aggression earlier….. him biting ur cheeks n stuff…. What about reader with cuteness aggression. This is even funnier if reader is nowhere NEAR as strong as stsg because I’m just imaging like. Squishing satorus cheeks and staring at him with heart eyes then suddenly blurting out “toru you’re so cute :)) I literally want to strangle you :D” because he’s probably like??? Twice your height + size and the literal strongest sorcerer, there’s no WAY you could kill him even if you wanted to <//333 or or or just chomping his bicep out of nowhere. I’m not gonna lie he would probably just let you <//333 silly little loser. Would probably compare you to a chihuahua I’m not gonna lie 😭😭 like yes you just bit him!!!!! And yes he thinks it’s cute why wouldn’t he!!! just coos at you when u try and chew on him. He’s so frustratingly charming and funny and and and <///333 but I think. This is equally as funny with sugu because satoru is so lovesick that he really does not care how you show your affection he just thinks it’s a cute n silly part of ur character <333 just makes him swoon even more. But sugu i think would be equally fine with it deep down but jokingly judge you a bit depending on his mood. Like if u try biting his arm or saying something like “you’re so beautiful I’m going to beat u up ❤️❤️❤️” he just 🤨🤨🤨 “that’s not very nice.” (Doesn’t mean he’s gonna stop u doing it tho) LMFAOOOO but like…. Maybe when he’s a little sleepier or feeling a bit more gentle he just. (gently) cups/pinches ur cheeks 😞 tilts ur head up to look at him and just gently chuckles n shakes his head n says something like how he’s gonna have to muzzle you if u keep trying to eat him 💔💔💔 maybe his tone is a little condescending….. in a mommy way,, (lovingly) (jokingly) lectures you as if you’re a teething toddler that just keeps biting and chomping on everything. 😭😭 pats ur hair and smooths his hand down the back of ur head while he does it….. ok I’m going insane. my silly little babies. My angels. I need to bite their man boobs I mean what who said that !!!!!!!!!!

— stsg anon 👽👽👽 (alien version)

STSG ANON (alien version) MY SAVIOR……….. it’s crazy how the stsg hivemind works bc i was literally JUST thinking abt biting their arms

YOU’RE INSANEEEE (EXTREMELY affectionate) THIS IS SO . 😵‍💫😵‍💫 they’re so…… this is the realest thing EVER 2 me btw. reader w cuteness aggression!!!! they’re me!!!!!!!! i know you understand stsg anon but likeee who wouldn’t want to gnaw at their bones a bit……. maybe shake them around…….. they’re just so gorgeous and cute </3 how is a girlie (gn) to resist </3 </3 </3

i hope you realize how up my alley this is i started jumping and cheering when i saw it you really do know me and them better than anyone else… THEY WOULD ABSOLUTELY INDULGE YOU. ohhhh satoru would love it sm 😭😭😭 i think being called cute would fluster him a bit at first bc he just. isn’t used to it at alllll but he’s such a sucker for it…… he’s so strong your biting wouldn’t hurt him at all so i really do think he’d just let you go wild. chew at his chest all you want stsg anon he’ll simply chuckle and ruffle your hair <333

AND SUGU 😭😭😭😭😭 WAHHHHH I CRIED I SOBBED……… so real abt him jokingly judging you he literally becomes the 🤨 emoji personified (but on the inside he’s just ☺️)……. “that’s not very nice.” OHHH STSG ANON MY STSG WHISPERER the way you’re literally psychologically linked w them…… he would say that word for word w one single raised eyebrow and a barely contained smile and i would explode into pieces 💔💔💔 aaaa and the eepy gentle sugu 🥺🥺 tilting your head up n pinching your cheek…….

just gently chuckles n shakes his head n says something like how he’s gonna have to muzzle you if u keep trying to eat him 💔💔💔 maybe his tone is a little condescending….. in a mommy way,, (lovingly) (jokingly) lectures you as if you’re a teething toddler that just keeps biting and chomping on everything. 😭😭 pats ur hair and smooths his hand down the back of ur head while he does it…..

needed to copy+paste this bc i . do Not have the words to explain how crazy it made me. r you out to get me stsg anon…. was this your plan all along……. 😞😞 AAAARRGHHHHH I’M . NOT OKAY. NOT THE MOMMY!SUGU AGENDA PLS WARN ME NEXT TIME I ALMOST EXPLODED 😭😭😭😭 HHH THE COOING CONDESCENSION………. jokes abt needing to MUZZLE you……….. (ari has been found dead in a ditch) thank you for my life stsg anon thank you for existing thank you for blessing me w your giant brain i truly don’t deserve you . gna think about this all day 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

no but :((((( insanity aside!!! i adore this concept,.. it’s so sweet and cute and they would just eat it up!!! they’re soooo indulgent and adoring and i think they’d feel so oddly loved every time they feel you gnawing at their bicep 😭😭 they just think you’re the cutest thing!!!!

[metazensae]

Why would you like Valerius? (I REALLY wanna hear your wine daddy love rant♡)

jklagjsklsjklagjlkajsklgjaskljg kladj klgjskaljklgasjklgasjkljgaskljgklsajklg jaskljgklasjklgasjkljgklasjkgasjkljklgas janklsgjklasjgklasjklgjkasljkglasjklgjaskl

OK FIRST OF ALL PULL UP A SEAT BC NOW I’M IN RANT MODE

Who is Valerius and why is he important?

Valerius is the consul who helped hold Vesuvia together in the absence of an acting Count/Countess. The devs said that he basically ran everything during the time Nadia was asleep because the other courtiers were practically useless. It’s admirable that he even tried to take on such a task when the other Courtiers were no doubt interfering or undermining any sort of progress possible. As far as I can tell, he is isolated from the other Courtiers as well. Whether that is because he’s so BURNT OUT from dealing with their lack of productivity (or their constant undermining???) or if it’s because he suspects their involvement in the murder of Lucio is unclear.

Nadia has insinuated that she entertains him the most (tho she clearly doesn’t tell him everything either), and thus, he is the closest person to Nadia besides the MC.

Didn’t HE kill Lucio tho?

WE. DON’T. KNOW. THAT.

The evil vizier character trope is SO OVERPLAYED. This Has Been DONE and OVER DONE. Nothing in the Arcana plot line so far suggests that they would choose such a lazy and convenient angle to play. And honestly, NONE OF THE CHARACTERS HAVE BEEN ONE DIMENSIONAL SO FAR - do you really think he would be so transparent?

Ok, but that’s all just speculation and my own personal hatred for boring tropes. 

What do we know of that fateful night? Valerius was going to Lucio’s room and he witnessed the other Courtiers screaming outside of Lucio’s chambers (why were they there???) and Dr. Devorak running out of the chambers as everything burned down. 

According to Valerius’s account, he wasn’t there when the fire started, so it’s likely that no, he did not kill Lucio.

BUT WE CAN’T TRUST HIM WAHHHHH

Um? Lemme ask you tho - who in this cast can you trust at this point? If you trust anyone, you’ve lost the game already.

This is why Nadia asked you to come help her. She’s relying on magic at this point because as brilliant as she is, she hasn’t figured it out either.

Be like Izzy. Don’t trust anyone. 

Everyone is still a suspect. Even Nadia. Even Jules. Even Asra. Even. MC.

BUT BUT BUT HE SPILLED WINE ON ME!!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah??? I’m about to TOO in a minute bc you’re too damn annoying…

As a member of the Vesuvian court, I can only assume Valerius is of noble birth. His judgmental, condescending demeanor is not unthinkable for someone of his status. In addition, we’ve already been over the fact that he doesn’t get along with the other courtiers (I mean he watched them burn down Count fuckboi right in front of his eyes… who could trust them??). Nadia - on a whim - brings in MC who then snoops around in consul business and YES HE DUMPS WINE ON YOU. HE’S A DISTRUSTING ASSHOLE WHO THINKS YOU’RE BENEATH HIM. SO WHAT. WE’RE LIVING IN A TIME OF COUNTS AND COUNTESSES WHERE STATUS MATTERS ARE YOU EVEN SERIOUS?

I’d do the same if some little nobody was sassing me and snooping around in the court tbh. I view that scene as his way of defending Nadia, who is disconcertingly mixing up details from before she went to sleep and who may have mistakenly let some vagabond into the court on a brainfart.

Ok… but Izzy, you didn’t tell us why you like him…

There are so many reasons why I like him. 

He’s souless and so done with life. He stays drunk just to make it through another day. All of that reminds me of Emile, the main character of my comic. Emile is a shell of a person and he does inexcusably bad things on the regular because he’s just. DONE. WITH. EXISTING. And you know what tho? It doesn’t make him a villain. He’s the anti-hero, the guy who fucks up a lot but in the end just wants to exist and get by.

I don’t think Valerius *IS* the real villain. I think he’s just fucking tired. 

Also, even if he IS a villain (which again I do NOT BELIEVE HE IS OR ELSE THAT’S BORING AS FUCK) - he’s in GOOD COMPANY. As the evil vizier type, he’s up there with Scar and Jafar - two of my MOST FAVORITE DISNEY CHARACTERS OF ALL. To be honest, Scar was my ENTIRE LIFE as a kid. I can spit back all of his lines at you without even thinking about it. That sassy high class snark - COME ON. PLEASE AND THANK YOU. A little flamboyant - YEAH OK I’M GAY FOR IT.

I LIVE for characters like this (clearly, bc I’m writing a whole story about one like that).

Also, HE LOOKS LIKE MY EMILE TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT MAKES ME SICK!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THEM BOTH. THEY’RE BOTH SO HOT! I LOVE THEIR DEAD EYES! I CAN’T STAND THIS! I’M SWEATING! HELP! THE LONG HAIR!!! THE DRAPEY HAIR!!!! AHJKSG:JSAKLJGKLAJSKLGJAS ALSO HIS NOSE - FUCK - HIS FACIAL ARCHITECTURE - IS - SO - HOT - I’M GONNA DRAW IT. ;A; his geometry is really nice. Like. I’m so serious. You don’t see characters like that often. I’m living because his nose is so big and high and his cheekbones cut that way they do and his jawline is sharp but has a really nice curve in it as well and jaklgsjklajgklajgs his lips tho???? Like DEAR LORD I have stared at his lips for a long time trying to figure out how they would look at different angles. Dana doesn’t play when she makes characters. She gives them real human features and I’m just. oh my god - no one draws lips like that on a character I’m TELLING YOU. Everyone else takes way easier routes, but not Dana. Dana gives us quality.

GIMME GIMME GIMME I’M GONNA LOVE HIM GET OUT OF HERE WITH YOUR VALERIUS HATE I DON’T UNDERSTAND YOU AT ALL

Come at me and you’ll catch wine.