#STOP saying rodrick is normal. make him weird.

[shotbyacowboy]

rodrick heffley king of women.

transcript under the cut

transcript start.

[Rodrick, Drew and Mackie stand hanging out in a parking lot] Drew: Look, GIRLS! We should go say hi. Rodrick: No. Mackie: dude we're seniors and you've NEVER had a real girlfriend. Rodrick: Fine (drawn out) Rodrick: but NO laughing. You guys know I can't talk to women. With an audience. (Smaller) I'm great at it alone... [Rodrick approaches Random Unamed Girl who is on her phone, standing awkwardly behind her] Girl: Um, can I help you?

[Page 2, Rodrick talking to the girl] Rodrick: I'm Rodrick? Hello. Girl: ok? Rodrick: We have English together? Girl: we do? Rodrick: I'm the guy who slept through the whole midterm. Girl: OH. Right, yeah I know you. Girl: You owe me 20 dollars. [The girl's friends giggle in the background] Rodrick (internally): Woah she knows me... She wants me so bad. Rodrick: Do you wanna see pictures of cool roadkill I found?

[The girl stares at him wordlessly. Rodrick gives Drew and Mackie a thumbs up and they also stare at him wordlessly]

transcript end.

[rodricksfilipinagf]

Rodrick Is Secretly in Love With You HC

- your school was doing this thing where they use a computer program to match people up based on interests

- they claim it’s a “friendship” thing but everyone thinks of it as for dating

- you get Rodrick

- And you’re SHOCKED

- like of all the people to match you up with....

- you’ve heard about the wild pranks he pulled at school

- and you didn’t go to his party because you didn’t think it was worth lying to your parents about but deeply regretted it after seeing pics of how fun it was

- and you know about his band because they played at the talent show and you performed at it but never thought to pay attention to him

- you thought it was weird they had a 35 year old in it though

- you thought they did great though and didn’t get why your town boo’ed them

- you’ve never really paid that much attention to him but you thought you’d never have anything in common

- he brought this sexual magazine to school once and you looked nothing like the girl on the cover

- you think he’d be disappointed once he learned he got matched with you 

- you wonder if he has unrealistic expectations about women's bodies and sex, and expect girls he dates to be like the ones he sees in magazines and probably porn

- you’re not OPPOSED to dating him

- but you’re afraid of him possibly being ableist or making fun of you

- you can get like obsessively into fandoms and sometimes they’re underground, or weird, or really niche, or something that was everyone else’s past but that means the world to you

- you’ve known people that have made you feel weird about it

- if Rodrick did you would probably want to punch him in the throat

- Rodrick comes up to you in the hall and you’re really nervous and he asks you if you wanted to hang out after school

- when you’re at his house he tells you that you were really good in the talent show and wanted to invite you to eat with him and his bandmates at a diner afterwards but you left and he couldn’t find you

-you tell him that he was really good too, and his band deserved to win

-he asks why you didn’t come to his party, and you’re surprised he even noticed you weren’t there

- you wonder out loud why the program matched the two of you up, and he says it’s probably because you both like music, and offers to make a playlist of his favorite songs so you could get to know him better, and you agree to do the same thing

- you stress out over which songs to include

- it’s very hard not to put entire show albums on it put there’s a lot of Broadway, and pop and social justice rap, and even some Kpop and you’re afraid he's not going to like it or even listen to it

- but he actually listened to the whole thing

- he texted you live commentary while he was listening 

-~the dedication~

- and you find out he has really good taste in music

- you start to hang out more and more 

- you really vibe with his sense of humor, and you laugh so hard at the unintentionally funny things he says

-over time you start to see that he’s a huge dork

-he can’t get out of his van without staggering or tripping sometimes

- and then he turns to you and is like “you didn’t see that”

- but you think it’s really cute

- sometimes the side you’re so worried he’ll make fun of leak out because you’re so comfortable with him

- but he’s sweet about it and doesn’t start acting weird or treating you differently like some people at school have

- he doesn’t stop taking you seriously and starts to confide in you about his home life- about how his parents don’t approve of his dreams and even his little brother thinks he’s stupid and untalented

- he tells you he’s lucky to have someone like you in his life that understands him

- and it means so much to you that you’re slowly starting to earn his trust 

- you tell him about how you got yelled at for trying to act like how you thought normal girls were supposed to to get the life you wanted

- telling him about this makes you cry

- you talk about how life doesn’t come with a manual and so you’ve had to cobble it yourself using TV, books, and movies, and people get mad at you and hate you and talk shit about you when you’re just trying to figure out the world the best way you know how

- and you’re still crying because you think he’ll think that’s crazy

- but instead he gives you a huge hug and tells you you’re safe to tell him anything

- you talk about how you’re worried you’ll never get a boyfriend because your brain naturally obsesses over your crushes just like it does about everything else you love and sometimes you’re unafraid of showing just how much you like them and it scares them off

- and he tells you that if someone ever liked him like that he wouldn’t be scared 

- and in fact that kind of love would be a refreshing change from his family, who don’t see the best in him at all

- you like that he’s able to see and appreciate the real you and knows how to comfort you when you’re upset so you start to develop really strong feelings for him

- later that night he texts you to see how you’re feeling and lets you know he’s always going to be there for you

- at night you cry even harder because you can’t believe someone this amazing can be real

- you write a song about how much you love him

- you’re not really planning on doing anything with it

- but after this huge family party Rodrick went to that he felt especially shitted on he came over to your house

- everyone was accusing him of being this mean person who had no future and then demanded to know why he wasn’t nicer to them

- he felt miserable the whole time and wished he could be with you instead

-you showed him the song because you knew he didn’t deserve any of that and wished he could see himself like you did

- and you told him his family was stupid if they didn’t realize what a great guy he was

- and then you tell him straight up that you love him

- he says he loves you too, and he has for a while, and he’s glad you feel the same way, because he knew that he could love you the way you deserved to be, and all this time he was hoping you would feel the same way about him

- he becomes your boyfriend, and kissing him becomes your favorite part of the day

-and you think back to that matchmaking program, and shake your head at your past self, unaware that Rodrick was the perfect person for her